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tessatechaitea · 5 years

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Wonder Twins #7

I didn't realize the Wonder Twins were Gen X.

Oh yeah! Zan had just saved the world by stopping a plot that was going to save the world.

I just realized I hadn't scanned the cover yet and as I did, I noticed the Wonder Twins fist/star emblem marks a striking resemblance to a goat.se riff. Zan and Jayna get taken off of monitor duty at the Hall of Justice now that they've stopped the League of Annoyance. You'd think that doing a good job would get you a promotion but those of use who have always done spectacularly good jobs know better. While everybody else works down to the lowest common denominator (because who wants to do more work than the next guy?! A fool, that's who!), good workers just put on blinders and do the job they were hired for until the time they're being paid for is up. Sure, that sounds like I'm describing a sucker who's been completely manipulated by the man! But I'm also describing a person who fulfills their end of whatever bargain they've agreed to! So when I say Zan and Jayna wind up giving tours at the Hall of Justice because they were too good at catching criminals, you'll understand why I went into the previous digression. Maybe? I don't know. Have you seen what state the U.S. is in?! Why are you picking apart my writing style?! Mark Russell takes a few pages to shit all over hockey fans and now I hate Mark Russell with a burning passion. Even though I'd hardly call myself a hockey fan. I mean, I loved NHL '93 (unless it was '92 (or maybe '94?)) and I loved going to San Jose Sharks games when I was still living in the Bay Area (plus my friend worked equipment for the Sharks and would get us free tickets). But it's not like I follow it much anymore. I just like the feeling of being angry at somebody for writing a satirical critique of sports fans rioting because they're so happy that their team won. Although why would I be angry when I've never done that nor think Russell's wrong in his pointed and humorous critique?! Oh, who cares why! Being angry is just more fun! Oh shit! I finally understand people's attraction to Fox News! I just watched a YouTube clip of somebody's Jeremy Roenick highlights from NHL '94 set to the song "More Than a Feeling" and it was pretty awesome. Also, that was definitely the one we played nonstop back in 1993 and 94 and maybe even into 95. Roenick unstoppable down with the puck while Sharks players lay splayed out on their back all across the ice. To stop the riot, Superman calls in Repulso! He's a guy whose super power is super stink and he's kept in a locked room with a bare table and a microwave and nobody wants to be his friend because he smells like a garbage dumb that vomited on top of the diarrhea it shit out while standing on its head so the stanky muck ran down his body absorbing all of his body odor and then somebody cut up a durian and tossed it in the mix.

Superman is a dick. Get this guy some friends with no sense of smell. Or at the very least, an Xbox Gold account.

After the hockey riots, some "the end of the world" riots take place because Zan and Jayna screw up something or other. Basically what that means is that Repulso gets to be let out of his airtight containment unit again! He's a pretty optimistic guy for being sealed away by Superman (which is just Superman's way! Is somebody a problem? No problem! Put them in the Phantom Zone!). He's so happy and not bitter about his living arrangements that I feel like Zan and Jayna had better figure out a way to give him a better life before this issue ends. Because if Mark Russell fails this character he created before this issue is over and I have to face reality after snot crying about a fictional person, I'm going to be pretty upset when I continue to buy Mark Russell comic books because what other choice do I have? Am I going to stop reading DC's best written comic books because Mark Russell betrayed poor Repulso? Of course not! What am I? A person with integrity?! Repulso winds up getting his ass beat by rioters as Repulso's handlers flee the chaotic "end of the world" downtown riot scene. Luckily the Wonder Twins are headed downtown to save his life and maybe become his friend or something? Please? After Zan and Jayna save Repulso, Jayna goes to Superman to tell him everything sucks. He gives her a big speech about how being a hero is lonely work because you don't always get to fuck the hot chick at your secret identity's workplace and also fuck an Amazon warrior while also getting to fuck anybody at all whose initials are "L.L." and also have a best friend who is the coolest guy in the world with a butler who makes the best pancakes. Sometimes you're a fat jerk who smells who even Superman won't fucking give the time of day because Superman has this speech about how being a hero is lonely and that's a good thing so you should embrace your loneliness because who wants to put up with your super stink, fatty?

Jayna is a way better hero than Superman. At least in this comic book that's all about her and not Superman so of course she's going to outshine him!

Oh yeah, the ant in the above picture is Jayna. It can't smell. Wonder Twins #7 Rating: A+. I should probably be less cynical when reading Mark Russell comic books because he's as earnest and serious as he can be while also providing lots of jokes. He takes writing seriously because what else is there? If your message isn't going to matter, why bother? (is his philosophy. I think. It's not my philosophy! I don't think? Maybe it is! I just write things that matter in a much different way than Mark Russell writes things that matter.) I should probably read Superman's speech and be inspired by the idea that you don't do good because you want adulation; you do good because it's the right thing to do, even if the entire world thinks you're an asshole for doing it. Even if all of the other superheroes think you're a stinky fuck and only keep you around to use as a tool to oppress and manipulate the masses without having to use logic and reason on them (because, let's face it, the people doing terrible things don't understand logic and reason. Or they're do but they're just selfish and greedy so nothing is going to reach them anyway (which maybe is part of Superman's message?)), you're still a hero at the end of the day. You can still be proud of your stinky self. And even if the life is lonely, you should remain positive and upbeat because Superman really doesn't want to be reminded that you exist every time you complain about the lack of reasonable living conditions. Being a hero is a state of mind, says the guy who also looks great and is invulnerable and has the best wife and a cool son and doesn't have to fear death! So inspiring!

#Wonder Twins #Mark Russell #Stephen Byrne #DC Comics #DC

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lameiskate · 7 years

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Facts you would never know if you didn't ask

1.) applesauce or pudding? it depends on the day tbh

2.) what was your initial reaction when you first realized that your parents had to have had sex to have you? ...IDK tbh i was probably just like ok

3.) if you could create ANY mix-up or mythical animal and have it be brought to life, what would it be? UNICORN but u know what half unicorn and half dinosaur would also be cool

4.) what kind of bread do you prefer? rye

5.) describe a moment that is a prominent memory, but didn't have a strong impact on your life. idk y this is the first one i thought of but i remember in 8th grade the boy sitting next to me in math took my book out of my hands as i was reading it and i didn’t even realize he was trying 2 be mean to me bc i was just like LOL GOOD ONE MAN

6.) what is the quote/lyric that you relate to most? ok there’s this character from this kdrama called age of youth and the main girl is literally me and it;s fuckin scary but idk a quote from her off the top of my head but ik there’s one about needin 2 man up and speak up for herself and i was just like wow me!!!!

7.) if there was one problem/issue you could wipe off the face of the earth, what would it be? OH MAN I CAN ONLY PICK ONE UMMMM ima go w all terrorism that sounds good im lookin at u white boys who never get a proper punishment

8.) do you think everyone in our lives serves a purpose, or are some people just there? ...u know this is a hard question tbh i think we’re all just out there man

9.) Favorite knock-knock/cheesy joke? KNOCK KNOCK WHOS THERE???? UNDER UNDER WHERE??? LOL UNDERWEAR

10.) how do you feel about getting your picture taken? I HATE IT JFC

11.) most embarrassing poster you've ever owned? probably the one direction one morgan (????) gave me that’s still hanging on my door

12.) what are the 3 worst movies of all time? THE ROOM, tbh idk any after that

13.) when was the last time you were in a public setting and a stranger annoyed you? ALL THE TIME

14.) strangest pet peeve? i dont think any of them are strange?????

15.) what is a quirk you find cute in a significant other? .....idk

16.) if you could make a guest appearance in ANY show, which one would you choose? ELLEN SHE GIVES AWAY A LOT OF STUFF

17.) who do you think is the most underrated comedian? idrk anything about comedians srry fam i only know the well known and overrated ones

18.) based on your personality, what do you think your spirit animal is? DEER IN HEADLIGHTS IF IM ALLOWED TO BE THAT SPECIFIC

19.) color combination that you hate? idk orange and blue was the first one i thought of

20.) what is your favorite childhood memory? I HAD AN HP THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN I WAS LIKE 10 but tbh i think i cried idk y i picked that one

21.) what cartoon character do you most resonate with? CARL FROM JIMMY NEUTRON

22.) what game do you never lose at? I LOSE AT EVERYTHING

23.) what does your dream home look like? im too lazy for this question tbh

24.) Honestly, do you love your family, like them, dislike them, or hate them? I LOVE THEM THEYRE JUST ANNOYING

25.) pettiest argument you've ever been in? WHO KNOWS

26.) what is the weirdest article of clothing you've ever come across? idk

27.) what is your favorite day of the week? NONE THEY ALL SUCK

28.) Do you feel offended by swear words? not really

29.) Stupidest dare you've ever done? i dont do dares :)

30.) Did your parents ever compare you to your siblings or cousins growing up? Did that affect the way things turned out? no

31.) You get to be any person in the world for a whole week. Who do you choose? whos the wealthiest person is itstill bill gates ill be him and pay off my own student loans :)

32.) one food you hate that should be destroyed at all costs? ANY FOOD WITH SALAD IN THE TITLE THAT ISNT A TRADITIONAL SALAD

33.) What is your favorite past time for each of the four seasons? i’m too lazy 4 this one too but honestly i do all the same things regardless of the seasons aka laying in bed and wasting my life away

34.) what is something that will always make you laugh? THAT VIDEO ABOUT THE IRISH PUG WHO CAN’T RUN

35.) what does your pet look like? fuck u i don;t have a pet

36.) describe your favorite outfit. my light washed jean shorts w a black t shirt and cream colored cardigan w gold colored dangly earrings and my black wedges

37.) most annoying noise you've ever heard? CHILDREN CRYING

38.) at what age did you learn to drive? LOL 22

39.) What is something that you own which you know you probably shouldn't? i have a shirt that says bitch on it?????

40.) last thing you made with your own 2 hands? what idk

41.) Favorite time of day? day. not morning but not evening???? does that mean afternoon

42.) Do you believe in ghosts, spirits, or any kind of afterlife? OH GOD DONT ASK ME ABOUT THIS PLS

43.) what sports did you do in school? I DIDNT i played softball once when i was younger to impress my dad but he didnt go to a single game :)

44.) if you had been voted for a 'superlative' in your last yearbook (class clown, laziest, most likely to become president, etc) what would you have been voted? TRIES HER BEST BUT FAILS but also doesnt try as hard as she tries to make it sound :)

45.) reality show idea that you would most definitely watch on television? idk but i want the x factor to come back to america but w judges who actually know what theyre doing thats right im calling u out demi paulina and britney and sometimes simon (ok yall but remember that mess he made emblem3 do w a mashup of my girl and california gurls to the music of what makes you beautiful)

46.) do you still own a landline phone? my parents do???

47.) scariest storm you've ever had in your town? idk

48.) skill you wish you had? THERE ARE A LOT OF SKILLS I WISH I HAD

49.) what is something you wish you could talk more about, but don't for fear of what other people would think? MY AFTERLIFE THOUGHTS that sounds weird

50.) last book you read? well if we’re being specific rn i’m rereading goblet of fire and the last one i finished was prisoner of azkaban

51.) what does your calendar have on it? i dont have a calendar i only have one when school is goin on

52.) what do you do if you get stopped by a person selling something from a mall kiosk? i usually pretend i cant hear them oops :)

53.) infomercial you're beyond tired of seeing? i can’t think of any i don’t usually watch real tv????

54.) what was your first stuffed animal/doll's name? baby bear

55.) have you ever said something out of anger and instantly regretted it? probably

56.) how do you feel about raising minimum wage? HELL YEAH

57.) how would you spend a perfect day with your best friend? ...............................i.......... do not know.......................

58.) when was the last time you changed the oil in your car? i do not have a car

59.) did you ever have to do speech therapy? no

60.) something you're looking forward to in the future? GRADUATING COLLEGE

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