#Sunday school all new

[queenlucythevaliant]

Here's what I'll say regarding choice of worship music (and I'm not 100% sure where I'm going with this, so bear with me): I think it's very easy to get burned out on specific kinds of worship, no matter what they are. And that kind of burn-out is hard.

I grew up at a church that did 95% CCM for worship, and after a while it either (a) exhausted me emotionally or (b) bored me. By the time I hit high school, I really really struggled with corporate worship because it felt as though I wasn't responding as I was supposed to. Getting to sing mostly hymns at the church I attended at college was a huge breath of fresh air, and it helped me immensely in terms of re-orienting my heart towards Christ-centered worship (as opposed to me-centered worship.) For the first time in my life, I found myself listening to Christian music on my own time during the week.

I watched the recent Jesus Revolution movie with mom over the summer. Her family started attending Calvary Chapel (then-nascent hippy church in Orange County) midway through her childhood, and she got really excited talking about the difference between the hymns she remembered from early elementary school ("we sang the whole hymnal rather than selecting for the really good ones like they do at your church") and the much more dynamic music that came out of Maranatha and other early "contemporary" Christian groups. She actually played me a whole bunch of the songs she grew up with the next morning. They sounded horrifically cheesy to me, but she got real joy out of it and even ended up texting a few songs to my aunt.

And yet, my mom has remarked a whole bunch of times to me that she really can't stand current CCM; that she desperately misses singing the old hymns. I look at myself and my own experience and I can totally see myself coming back to some of the CCM songs I grew up with and encountering Christ through them all new again. As recently as last month, I had a really beautiful experience driving back from a concert crazy late at night with my sister and listening to some of the old Chris Tomlin and Hillsong stuff that I hadn't heard in a while. It brought me back to a sense of incredible comfort and safety nestled up against God like a baby chick. Do I want to worship with that sort of music every week right now? No, definitely not. But it has its place.

Obviously worship transcends something as incidental as music genre. It's an expression of why we were created: glorifying God and enjoying him forever --- and yet, because of the fall, it's really easy to get burned out on specific expressions of worship. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing so much as just a symptom of the fall. I also think that people who are really burned out on a particular kind of worship can be really, really obnoxious about it. I know I was for a while, and I still definitely have my hangups with CCM.

But like- I don't think it's so much about judgement or superiority towards the kind of worship music that you're burnt out on as it is just the overwhelming sense that that kind of worship music felt exhausting and this kind of music actually feels like I'm able to worship again. I know when I started singing hymns at church, it just felt like I'd found the Rosetta Stone. I was suddenly so much less in my own head on Sunday mornings and oh my goodness singing to God was a joy again and I can't remember but I don't think it's ever been a joy like this before has it?? It was almost like my head was spinning with some great new revelation and when I was obnoxious about it it was mostly a manifestation of my being like Why didn't anyone ever tell me it could be like this? Why isn't everyone singing hymns? It's just so much better this way!

Mostly, it just feels like saying "don't be overly critical of how other Christians like to worship" kind of. Misses the trees for the forest, if that makes sense? Like, it's accurate to the big picture, it's absolutely a true and worthwhile thing to say. But at the same time it kind of rankles for me because it misses how it feels to be truly and deeply alienated by the kind of worship you're exposed to.

For better and for worse, worship is (I think) the spiritual discipline that engages the emotions most directly. The feeling of being in a group of people all worshipping together, and your heart just isn't responding right no matter how you try to re-focus and orient it? It's one of the loneliest feelings I know.

#long and rambling #what else is new #I've been chewing on a couple of the worship posts floating around (from liz kaylie and ella? i think?) #they're all very good and true posts and yet i was having sort of prickly reactions to them #not defensive exactly so much as just. hypersensitive? idk #so I've been mulling and this is what I've got on the subject #also worth noting that a lot of this is tangled up with my very-concurrent experiences with chronic illness #and all the grief and emotion-in-God's-direction thereof #anyway #only thou art holy #pontifications and creations #sunday school kid #unproofed. if there are any big errors I'll fix later. it's crazy late and i should not be posting on Tumblr #do please chime in if you've had similar experiences and let me know I'm not crazy lol

[killerandhealerqueen]

新年快乐!🐉

Happy Chinese New Year!🐉

Wishing you a prosperous year of the Dragon! 🐉

#happy chinese new year #the picture of me on the left is from my second lunar new year festival last sunday #the picture of me in the green is from today #literally had no idea there was a festival this evening when my friend and i went out to eat sushi for my early birthday dinner #so i have gone to three different chinese new year festivals in the past two weeks #which is honestly great #because i haven't celebrated chinese new year in almost 6 years since i moved to the mainland #because in college there really wasn't a place to celebrate chinese new year #and then in grad school there wasn't really an asian district around to celebrate at #so i am soaking in all the new year prosperity i can fucking get to make up for it #(i used to celebrate it all the time when i lived in hawaii) #(i am 1/4th chinese just fyi though i REALLY don't look it)

[arsonist-chicken]

What if I just developed social skills to be able to actually make new friends in person and then used those skills to get a new phone number and pack my bags and run away to a place where no one knows me and all my past mistakes and fuckups and started over there without going into social isolation

#i needed to hand my expose in in february and got an email about it this weekend and agreed to hand it in on tuesday #it is now sunday evening and i just got another email about it but thinking about opening it makes me want to throw up #she's so nice and i don't want to see her scolding me for AGAIN not sticking to a deadline #what if she tells me that was the final deadline and i won't receive a grade for that class and so i won't be allowed to write my thesis #until next january? I wanted to graduate this autumn. it's april and i haven't even started on my thesis and i have like three bullet point #for the expose; and idek if I'll be able skillwise and mental health wise/adhd wise to actually write the stupid thesis #like what if i can't do it and then i've spent the last one and a half years on a degree i won't get in the end and then i won't be able to #apply to a lot of the jobs i thought actually looked good #@god give me some social butterfly skills and I'll give or throw most of my stuff i don't absolutely need away so i can just.. #go somewhere new. start over. and not become even more socially isolated than i already am. #does anyone know what a panic attack feels like because i'm having suspicions that i might have finally gotten them this year #but didn't recognise them as such because it could be worse #so anyway. god grant me some social friend making skills #if you can't do that at least throw in some adhd and depression treatment. i am sick of this. #and by this i mean the way i've been living my life at least since i left high school; probably even while still in high school #vent posts #mine #i love my online friends so much but i can't meet them outside to sit in the sun or chat about anything at all or go have coffee together #or or or you get me

[fatcowboys]

im done w moving and out of the shitty apt w the shittier roommate (who did not let move out happen without adding as Much drama as possible) and have just. been feeling so much better. living w my two friends who actually communicate well and all work together on our needs and gah. so less stressed and anxious now!!! and also in a week kitty introductions have gotten farther than they ever did w shitty roommates kitties (they were kinda bullies, so we had to move glacial speed even w oregano cat expert) and just. thank u the universe things are so much better now

#only improvement would be if anjo Also lived here curse grad school!!!!!! #i moved out over a week ago but we just tuened in keys after cleaning day on sunday #and across just those two days bad roommate accused me of faking cleaning a part of something (that was not requested or clear) #tried to turn anjo against me by saying im a liar and manipulator and gaslighter (which. listen the last one i could say the fuckin same) #(which is also so funny bc anjo and i are so close. became codependent in a heart beat. why tf would u think anjo is gonna be on ur side) #then at the walkthru pointed out things that were damaged (which they are Alsonin on that security deposit what are u doing) #and the texted again accusing me of shit with a stupid fucking infographic on weaponized incompetance #thankfully like all of these i had my friends with me bc when infirst got there for cleaning i uhhhh had a panic attack lol #so i had good support thru everything and now never have to deal w them #its just. been So much lmao. and its so fucking nice how calm and smooth things have been #like i had that sort of shit. i in general am good at communicating and avoid shitty drama like this person #so its been So exhausting. but im done now thank god #and the new place is so much better and nicer and i love the friends im living w and Yeah :')

[salsflore]

i miss my irls and my cat and my house this is so SICKKK what did i ever do to you, december

#vent -> #i am so homesick i havent seen my friends in forever. i had an incredibly good sunday i was looking forward to the next 2 weeks #and then you make me get FUCKING ARRESTED???? #and i’m just so irked and i’m so sad why is nothing going right. don’t i deserve good things!!!!! #of course you do this to me when i’m not dreading school anymore and i’m actually enjoying the company of my new friends #so annoying. i’m just so sad i want to go home #i’d be fine with all of that but then you had to take away even my online buddies like what the hellll #if another person tells me to [ tolerate it for a little longer ] i might just explode in front of them #i just feel awfully bitter and alone and sad #💭

[robertsbarbie]

I’m so normal about hook and emma (lying)

dude don’t even get me started on how normal i am about the two of them

#i did an entire science project in eighth grade about them #had a life sized cardboard cutout of hook #had an ifunny instagram flipagram AND musically just for them #in almost all my high school year book photos you can see me wearing a swan and hook necklace #i watched the new episode premieres live and NO ONE was allowed to talk to or schedule things during that time and it was like widely known #that if you tried to make plans with me sunday after 7 i was not available it was literally so bad #and i think it took until my senior year to realize people were making fun of me for liking them so much so i stopped but i still have a #picture of them right by my bed 😭 #like sooooooooooo normal about them i swear! (lying liar who lies a lot) #mutuals: amelia #ask: singlethread

[idontknowiknow]

what if I attempt to learn 15 languages for the first time simultaneously on duolingo. What then

#this is a lie so far it's just the 2 languages I learned a bit of in school + 1 totally new language but I'm .... contemplating ...... more #what if I do everything all the time very badly #whatever. there's no cost I'm doing it #fun fact I have started taking my meds again lol. Imagine! Motivation to do stuff #not in an efficient or strategic way for the most part but whatever #you know what would be really good??? If I practised all the bits I can't play for the music I'm performing on Sunday #but nooooo #(well there's still hope theoretically. There's several days before Sunday)

[theygender]

Christians in the southern US are so weird, like dude why are you proselytizing to me we live in the bible belt. I promise I've heard of jesus before

#they always seem SO certain that this will be new information to someone #like theyre gonna walk up to someone door and the person will be like 'church? what is this church you speak of please tell me more' #or like the copy of the new testament theyre handing out will be the first one someone has ever seen #'oh wow a bible? papá doesnt let us have these on the atheism farm' #like dude once again. we are literally in the bible belt. i was raised christian. we basically all were #my mom and grandparents took me to church semi-consistently all the way through elementary school #and then my mom sent me to a christian private school in sixth grade #7th-9th grade i was back in public school but i spent every single sunday morning wednesday evening AND school lunch period in church #all of my own free will in fact #and i know this is how proselytizers think bc my youth group fucking took us proselytizing #in our small town where everyone but like two (2) people in my high school attended the christian lunch group #and there were two churches on every corner #they still sent us out to spread the word of jesus and tell people about church #which. looking back on it now. why? what was the point? #rambling #anyways. there was a dude handing out copies of the new testament at my college today and getting angry if people said no thank you #if i had more free time i would be tempted to go stand on the opposite side of the street from him #and hand out 'agnostic bibles' that are just blank notebooks

[asordidbarwere]

I wish youtube creators I enjoy would stop collaborating with wendigoon :)

#not only is his username hilariously disrespectful and he's been told such #he's also a right-wing christian sunday school teacher #Good Ole Boy with no place talking about horror imo! #also i just think he's boring and sucks lol #meatcanyon really selling out these days tbh #when are you gonna make a new cartoon man is it all just gonna be clickbaity papa meat videos forever or

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

.

#accidentally got into a bit of an argument with my sunday school teacher/youth group leader this morning #(tho I didn't see it as an argument? more of a difference of opinions? slash-me asking for clarification on his points #and opinions on mine? #but my sisters said it felt like I was arguing so. *helpless shrug* that wasn't the intention really) #but the subject was about heaven/the christian's true home #and he was saying that the descriptions of glory and splendor in Revelation (streets of gold/foundations of the city/12 gates/etc) #are all real literal actual descriptions of heaven and that's where we'll open our eyes as soon as we die #and as I'm leaning more and more into 'revelation is largely a prophetic vision and we should be careful not to take too much of it #too literally' lately #I was saying that 'heaven' as we call it is the state of being returned to perfect unity with God + the New Creation #which will be brought about after the end of days #and. yeah. #now I'm largely just confused lol #because it just seems to me like saying 'yeah as soon as I die I'm gonna wake up in a MANSION and there's gonna be JEWELRY EVERYWHERE #and GOLD STREETS and ALL THESE VERY SPECIFIC SYMBOLIC ARCHITECTURAL FEATURES #is... slightly missing the point??? #I personally find it far more hopeful and attractive to say tbh idk what it's gonna be like when I open my eyes on the other side of death #BUT I know that God is going to bring me back!! I will be resurrected in a new body with a new purpose in a new *world* #and it will be every single thing I love about this world but BETTER!!! no death!! no sorrow!!! no pain!! perfect undistracted fulfillment #of my callings!!! a wonderful fantastic beautiful unbroken world and //I// will get to live in it and help cultivate it!!!! #and actually this may be a bit of a rabbit trail but I wonder why the churches I've grown up in don't seem to care that much #about the New Earth? they're all like 'YEAH HEAVEN :D :D :D GOLD STREETS 'N PEARLY GATES :D :D :D' #but never 'hey did you know that all the horrible ways we've destroyed this wonderful place that we live in now will be undone? #and we'll come back to earth but it'll be just like it was in the Garden???? isn't it cool that as much terrible stuff we inflict on #ourselves and others and God's beautiful work of creation it's STILL not more than God can redeem and remake and restore???' #bc that message seems a lot more inspiring to me? not just escapism but restoration and reclamation? #idk. I wish I had people to actually discuss these sorts of spiritual things with around... #maybe I'll find them at college... I really hope I do... #tag ramble #christianity

[omtai]

after being off for 4 days and having to go to work tomorrow genuinely fills me with dread (rant in tags ignore it i just wanna bitch)

#omtai post #i’ve only been working there for four months and i already fuckin hate it #i literally feel rn how i felt on the sunday night before school and i HATED school #i was miserable #i’m tired i’m just so tired #they work me like a dog for not even seven bucks #it shouldn’t be legal but for some ducked up reason it is #oh but good news min wage gets raised in april! by like 15p #which will still be under 7 bucks #so #yippee #i’m just so tired #all my nice coworkers are fucking leaving too so i’m stuck with all the bitches and lazy asses #it just doesn’t feel worth working there #i gotta clean bigass screens i gotta serve food i gotta clean bathrooms i gotta do customer service #i’m a jack of all fucking trades for 6.83 #but if i quit then i make £0 #because this city’s job market right now is shit 6.83 jobs or fucking nothing #uggghhh #i just feel bad because my parents were sooo happy that i got a job #and if i quit then i’ll just dissappoint them #i hate this i wish i never applied for that piece of shit job in the first place #honestly what the fuck am i saying #why am i wasting my life working all day and night in some dump cinema #where if you bust your ass bending over backwards to be a good little doggy you don’t even get a pat on the back #i’m sick of it i wanna quit

[gottagobuycheese]

I swear every year I split the hairs of deadlines worse and worse and I’m SURE someday it’ll kill me and I’ll maybe even learn my lesson but man how much do I have to suffer until then

#I don't remember hating presentations this much even in school #and it's not even the speaking part this time #it's not even meeting the time requirement part #it's literally just the mAKING THE PRESENTATION PART #I used to love making powerpoints! #or at least I think I did #what happened :( #still have a note from a week ago I couldn't finish over a freaking 3-day weekend #why am I like this #can't tell if this is just childish displeasure of the reality of Having A Job or if I actually like. don't like this lol. #I mean I figured I wouldn't but I probably wouldn't like anything right? so might as well be this #right?? #ugh anyway no feelings after 9 PM they're all lies #I can't wait to sleep in on Sunday #Cheese's personal molasses #Cheese evaporates about...job?? #anyways the good news is it looks like I can still kind of draw hands after all #the bad news is I found this out instead of doing anything productive

[brad-bakshi-loves-bugs]

good news: ive finished chapter 8 of wafwaf and im speedrunning through chapter 9 as we speak

bad news: im committing myself to a schedule of at LEAST 3-4 days between chapters so that i have time to space them out more so yall have to wait on both chapters

good news pt 2: these two are VERY ANGSTY because who doesnt love angst and also zack makes an appearance (and i dont just mean in a flashback)

#wafwaf update #picture me in the dean pelton good news bad news outfit here #but yeah sorry folks im trying to be Responsible and upload on a Schedule #im thinking wednesdays and sundays because wednesday is already feeding day for all of my bugs anyway so #i might as well make it my Extra Productive day #idk i also dont want to adhere to a specific strict schedule because i might get too stressed #i was the kid who never turned anything in on time in school if i turned it in at all and i do NOT want to fall back into those habits #so. we'll see! #wafwaf #we are fleeting we are feeling #fanfiction

[vampiricsheep]

open world RP event survey is still open, but currently the data shows:

100% respondents have or will have PoF+HoT

100% support a lounge, and 90% support bars and cafes

even split between boat party and charity event premises

weekends are available to most people, particularly saturday

so far crystal oasis looks to be a good option, but I'll continue to review incoming responses and possibly make a follow-up survey before cementing any details!

#the 20th (a saturday) is my birthday so if we go for that weekend it's gonna have to be sunday. while extremely short notice this saturday- #-is fine and poooosibly the weekend after the 20th is free as well? #gotta double check whether that orientation day is mandatory #school's doing a fucking week long of them and 'expects all new students to attend' boooo

[southislandwren]

Ugh argh the emotions are starting to hit. I’m glad I’m taking this job because I am NOT ready to leave my friends

#bro I know every professor in this department I am friends with all of them #I know the vast majority of the students and am friends with most of them #i know this building and I know the job and I know this town #yes I’m devastated Boytoy is moving away and I’m staying here but also. I couldn’t go work at his job #new place new job new people? I’d kill myself #but he’s feeling it too btw. cried in my arms Sunday night . college seniors are not okay send help #idk man. not a fan of endings and this is a pretty fucking big one #school post #diary post