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comingfromastatechampionasshole · 9 months

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Doc's Best In Goddamn Show Montana State Fair Coconut Cream Pie

As promised, the baked good that did the best, I'll release the recipe. This is one of my favorite pies of all time, hewed into a perfect custard-based pie that won me my first Best in Show rosette in nine years. And pies is even a tough category!

The other shocking thing: This is one of the easiest pies I make. It's very much "don't worry about it." It even tastes better if you make everything but the topping the day before serving.

“Doc, why don’t you use cream of coconut for the custard?” Friend, I tried for years to get that to work, only to find out that cream of coconut just does not bake up as nice as milk and cream, so I use a nice extract and toast the coconut to get the flavors.

YOU WILL NEED:

A crust (I presume you can either make or buy a crust. I might even have a recipe here on the blog, I can’t remember)

Pie:

5 eggs

¾ cup caster/baker’s sugar

2 cups of whole milk

½ cup half and half (I believe this is called half cream in the UK)

1 tsp vanilla bean paste

1 tsp coconut extract (I like Olivenation or watkins. Also, bear in mind you may need to use more. I do this to taste and the tsp is a guess on my part. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you where to taste in the recipe)

Pinch salt

1 cup sweetened flaked coconut

Topping:

2 cups heavy cream VERY COLD (can use whipping or double also, but I prefer heavy)

2 tablespoons jello or jello style pudding mix, coconut

Powdered/icing sugar (this will be to taste)

Decoration: Most definitely toasted coconut. I really like Nuts.com’s organic dried coconut chips, but it depends on how flush I’m feeling--I did not use it in this competition. Macadamia nuts are great, dried pineapple, for this competition I used coconut rolls from costco. This is mostly for visual appeal, so be creative.

Toast your coconut: Put the oven at 350F. Put some parchment down on a baking sheet, and then put your sweetened flaked coconut on the sheet. Don’t forget to put in a bit extra for your topping decoration. Toast for about five minutes, it will probably need a stir and watch it closesy--coconut burns easy. When it’s a nice pale golden, pull it and up the temperature of the oven to 375F.

Blind bake your crust. If you haven’t done this before, I think it’s easy but admit maybe not everyone will. Roll your crust out into a pie plate, just like you always would, and then cover the bottom with tin foil, and fill with pie weights or beans, or rice--I’m a big fan of using sugar. Whatever you use. Bake it about 15-17 minutes, it should be lightly brown at the edges. Take out the pie weight you used. Bake it about 5 minutes more, just so the bottom gets very lightly toasted.

Make the filling! Beat your eggs in in a large bowl until they are very well combined but not whipped. Beat in everything but the coconut itself. NOW TASTE IT. Does it taste coconutty enough, or do you want to add a little more extract? Have an easy hand with the stuff, it’s powerful. Mix in the toasted coconut.

Yeah, I’m serious, that was the whole of the filling instructions. I told you this was ridiculously easy.

Bake: Pour your filling (carefully) into the pie crust, and cover the edges of your pie crust so it doesn’t burn (I use tin foil, but they do make fancy pie shields). I like to put it on a jelly roll pan so it’s easier for me to take in and out of the oven. You’re going to bake it at 375F for about 30-40 minutes, but the real test is: if you shake it a little, is it set at the sides but with a little wiggle in the center? That’s when it’s done.

Let it cool totally.

Topping! Beat your cold cream and pudding mix together, adding the powdered sugar slowly. I start with a quarter cup and work my way up until it’s as sweet as I like. I prefer a harder peak for this, but soft peaks are acceptable if you enjoy that more. Decorat with your topping choices!

GO WIN A FUCKIN ROSETTE

Please tell me if you made this! If you found this really helpful and would like to leave me a tip, my ko-fi is here!

#recipes #dessert recipes #pie recipes #baking tips

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gameknigh · 11 months

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Anyways here is a list of about 200 things I am no longer allowed to do within the UNSC ONI or Spartan Operations, I do not regret any of these

My proper military title is ‘Spartan Sam’ not ‘Princess Anastasia’.

Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.

Not allowed to challenge anyone’s disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.

Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.

Not allowed to play ‘Pulp Fiction’ with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.

Not allowed to add ‘In accordance with the prophesy’ to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.

Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters.

Not allowed to title any product ‘Get Over it’.

Not allowed to purchase anyone’s soul on Government time.

Not allowed to join the communist party.

Not allowed to join any militia.

N ot allowed to form any militia.

Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Boston.

Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to ‘Sic Brass!’

Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my ‘Sampson like powers’.

God may not contradict any of my orders.

May no longer perform my now (in)famous ‘Barbie Girl Dance’ while on duty.

May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I’m right.

Must not taunt the Harvestians any more.

Must attempt to not antagonize ODSTs.

Must never call an ODST a ‘Wanker’.

Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they’ve been smoking crack.

Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it’s true.

Never confuse a Revian soldier for a Martian one.

Never tell a German soldier that ‘We kicked your ass in World War 2!’

Don’t take the batteries out of the other Spartan’s alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).

The Irish Spartans are not after ‘Me frosted lucky charms’.

Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash.

Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.

Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.

Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.

(Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

Not allowed to sing ‘High Speed Dirt’ by Megadeth during airborne operations. (‘See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I’m off to meet my maker’)

Can’t have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Interplanetary War isn’t over).

Our medic is called ‘Sgt Larwasa’, not ‘Dr. Feelgood’.

Our supply Sgt is ‘Sgt Watkins’ not ‘Sugar Daddy’.

Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.

I do not have super-powers.

Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.

I am not the atheist chaplain.

I am not authorized to fire officers.

Not allowed to trade military equipment for ‘magic beans’.

Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.

Not allowed to quote ‘Dr Seuss’ on military operations.

Not allowed to yell ‘Take that Cobra’ at the rifle range.

Not allowed to quote ‘Full Metal Jacket ‘ at the rifle range.

‘Napalm sticks to kids’ is *not* a motivational phrase.

An order to ‘Put Kiwi on my boots’ does *not* involve fruit.

An order to ‘Make my Boots black and shiny’ does not involve electrical tape.

The proper response to a lawful order is not ‘Why?’

The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- based, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Arcadian yoga, Gotterdammerung, or any references to squid.

May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.

‘The Giant Space Ants’ are not at the top of my chain of command.

It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Spartan Sam.

Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.

There are no evil clowns living under my bed.

There is no ‘Anti-Mime’ campaign on Harvest.

I am not the Spartan Ops Mascot.

I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers’.

May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper on duty

I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.

May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.

The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them “You don’t need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for.”

I may not call block my chain of command.

I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.

Not allowed to wear MJOLNIR to any army functions.

May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.

May not form any press gangs.

Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with “I recently had an experience I just had to write you about….”

Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish’ things.

May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ‘field of honor’.

If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.

Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad’.

I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.

When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo’ is probably not appropriate.

Nerve gas is not funny.

Crucifixes do not ward off ONI officers, and I should not test that.

I am not in need of a more suitable host body.

The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.’

A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.

Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.

I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are “casualties of war”.

My commander is not old enough to have fought in the Second American Civil War, and I should stop implying that he did.

Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.

I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.

I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, Unggoy, Kalishnikovs, Covenant Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.

Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.

Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for the UEG.

I am not authorized to change national policy in the Eastern Orion Arm.

Never, ever, attempt to correct a Spartan II about anything.

I am not qualified to operate any Covenant, UNSC, Banished, or Swords of Sanghelios Armored vehicles.

I cannot trade my CO to the Covies.

Crucifying mice – bad idea.

Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires – therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.

I cannot arrest children for being rude.

An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.

Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.

I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Sangheli, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.

Two drink limit does not mean first and last.

Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.

Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.

‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.

“Shpadoinkle” is not a real word.

The Microsoft ® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.

‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.

The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.

The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.

The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.

Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole ****ing village!’ while out on a mission is bad.

Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Sangheli Combat Harness, messily drunk.

Even if my commander did it.

I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.

Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’.

I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.

Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.

J should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.

Putting red ‘Mike and Ike’s’ ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.

Must not create new ONI forms, then insist they be filled out.

On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.

The proper way to report to my Commander is ‘Spartan Sam, reporting as ordered, Sir’ not ‘You can’t prove a thing!’

The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or MJOLNIR oil.

Shouldn’t treat ‘piss-bottles’ with extra-strength icy hot.

Teaching Sangheli children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.

I will no longer perform ‘lap-dances’ while in MJOLNIR.

The revolution is not now.

When detained by MP’s, I do not have a right to a strip search.

No part of the MJOLNIR armor is edible.

Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.

Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.

Take that hat off.

There is no such thing as a were-virgin.

I do not get ‘that time of month’.

No, the pants are not optional.

Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.

Not allowed to ‘defect’ to Covenant during training missions.

On training missions, try not to shoot down the General’s helicopter.

‘A full magazine and some privacy’ is not the way to help a potential suicide.

I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.

Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it’s actually ONI policy).

We do not ‘charge into battle, naked, like the Celts’.

Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.

I am not to refer to a formation as ‘the boxy rectangle thingie’.

I am not ‘A lesbian trapped in a man’s body’.

On Army documents, my race is not ‘Other’.

Nor is it ‘Secretariat, in the third’.

Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.

There is no FM for ‘wall-to-wall counseling’.

My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®

When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something ‘I saw in a cartoon’.

My name is not a killing word.

I am not the Emperor of anything.

Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.

May not challenge officers to ‘Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn’.

Must not make s’mores while on guard duty.

Our Warthogs cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.

The proper response to a briefing is not ‘That’s what you think’.

The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.

Shouldn’t take incriminating photos of my chain of command.

Shouldn’t use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.

I am not allowed to give Spartan augmentations

Not allowed to lead a ‘Coup’ during training missions.

I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.

My chain of command is not interested in why I ‘just happen’ to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.

Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.

Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the “Safety Dance” and the “Safety Briefing” are never to be combined.

“To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys” is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.

NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an “Easter Desecration.”

Don’t write up false gigs on a Warthog PMCS. (“Broken clutch pedal”, “Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs”, “flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged”)

Not allowed to get shot.

Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civlians who are “hearing conversations” from the CMA, ONI, UNSC and SoS due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.

Must not make T-shirts up depciting a Grunt with the writing “Breath Oxygen or Die” in Unggoy to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to their homeworld.

Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don’t have, even if the ONI tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.

Do not convince NCO’s that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

Do not lick Spartan IIs

Do not change Smart AI’s avatars to “obscene” things or pictures of my Cat

Do not show up to the UNSC Infinity in a “Anime Bunnysuit and fishnets”

Do not use a 560 year old H&K XM8 because ‘it looks enough like a battle rifle’

Well, that concludes the list. I probably shouldn’t have done some of these, but I definitely don’t regret the second to last (I looked hot AF).

#halo #spartan #halo shitpost #oni #halo shitposts #halo infinite

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princessphilly · 2 years

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@hederasgarden @writercole @withahappyrefrain @wildbornsiren @chara-hugs @newlibrary @whoeverineedtobe @rolycolysficrecs @justfandomwritings @fuckyeahhangman @hangmanapologist @sebsxphia @thesluttyarchivist, @therebeccaw @hoe-on-the-range @hockeynshit @himbos-on-ice @evansrogerskitten @princessmisery666

A snippet of Professor!Hangman and his Professor!Sonnet

You deeply inhaled, the crispness of the autumn air making your anger cool down. But you wanted to punch him so bad.

The NROTC professors generally were a decent lot. You liked Colonel Watkins, the Marine who was the commander of the NROTC on campus. Lieutenant James and Sargent Neilson were pretty cool too. But this new professor, he was something else.

Jamesie said he was a Lieutenant Commander, one of the few active aviators with not just a kill, but two kills. He was new here, on what Jamesie said was disassociated duty. Jamesie seemed like he was in awe.

You weren’t.

Bleached blond blonde had bumped into you at Houston Hall, spilling water on your new dress. Now, he had snatched your favorite spot to eat lunch on the quad.

It didn’t matter that he was handsome, this guy had to go.

You gritted your teeth as you shot daggers at him with your eyes. Sliding into a chair at a different table, you got ready to set up your MacBook so you could do some grading.

Then someone tapped you on your shoulder and you looked up.

“I just want to apologize again, sugar—“

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anadorablekiwi · 1 year

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Since i can’t actually make and send cookies to all of you, i came up with the next best thing! Here’s my favorite (and most popular) cookie recipe, Snickerdoodles!!! 💜💙💖

Kiwi’s mama’s Snickerdoodles

Ingredients:

1 cup softened butter || 1&1/2 cup sugar

1 tsp vanilla extract* || 2 eggs

1 tsp cream of Tartar || 1/2 tsp baking soda

1/4 tsp salt (or a few shakes) || 2&3/4 cups flour

[Cinnamon Sugar: 2 Tablespoons Sugar** 2 teaspoons cinnamon***]

*when putting it in I fill the measuring spoon over the bowl and intentionally overfill it so it spills over. Also, for best results use Watkins Baking Vanilla (or another brand of pure vanilla extract you like)

**use normal white granulated sugar. Ive tried using the larger grained moreno sugar before and only the cinnamon sticks because of the grain size difference. Sugar for the cookies themselves doesn’t matter which kind of ‘white’ sugar you use

***again, for best results use Watkins or similar good quality brand cinnamon. It sounds pretentious I know, but if you can afford a bit of extra money for the good stuff it makes a difference. In the end though, it’ll taste good regardless of what brands you use! <3

Directions:

Mix together Butter and Sugar

Stir in Eggs and Vanilla

Add baking soda, cream of tartar, salt, and flour (i mix the first three first to ensure they mix in well)

Mix the cinnamon sugar in a bowl (i use a fork to mix them)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees Fahrenheit/205 Celcius

Roll dough into balls (i use a 1&1/2 Tblsp cookie scoop and under fill it a bit, then roll it into a rounder ball with my hands), then roll the cookie dough balls in cinnamon sugar. You can just drop the cookie ball on the sugar mixture and swirl/swish the bowl itself for easy application. Once the ball is completely coated in cinnamon sugar, place on parchment paper on a cookie sheet.

Bake for 8-10 minutes (i do 9 mins for a cookie sheet this size) or until golden brown at the edges. Let cool a bit and enjoy!! 💞

Makes between 40-48 cookies, depending on how small/big you make them (and how much dough you eat 😉)

There’ll probably be extra cinnamon sugar (I always have quite a bit). You can put it in a shaker and use it to make cinnamon toast or something!

#kiwi rambles #:D #and yes #technically this is my moms recipe #she doesnt mind me taking partial credit XD

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theeluisifer · 2 years

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-- Victorian Era Facts! -- Did you know that ketchup was not originally made with tomatoes? As tomatoes are a nightshade, people in the past often viewed them as poisonous. Instead, Brits made ketchup by salting and spicing mushrooms before cooking them to drain the fungis’ fluids. (A process that makes an earthy, salty sauce with an umami style flavor that tastes great on meat.) In fact, the concoction that eventually became ketchup was actually first brought to English diets in the 17th century when British traders in China obtained a briny fish sauce that they quite enjoyed called “kê-chiap” in the Hokkien dialect. (Alternatively, it is possible the traders found a Malay variant of soy sauce called “kicap.”) Though mushroom ketchup remained popular till the Victorian era in Britain - which makes me imagine Van Helsing scarfing down bottles of the stuff - it was eventually replaced by thicker American variants that not only used tomato, but added ridiculous quantities of sugar as well. The only remaining mushroom ketchup brand in England is Geo Watkins! Here’s a photo of the bottle! How quaint!

#victorian era #food #mushroom

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oraclekleo · 2 years

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Black Velvet Ribbon [Seventeen Fanfic]

Nothing special, just a short thing I felt inspired to write today. I might delete it from here later on.

It's only about 2.5 k words.

Including Seventeen members, especially Mingyu, and about 3 original characters.

It's more like a comedy and fluff, so don't get too excited. 😂

Black Velvet Ribbon

Godiva insisted on the horse ride, even when Freya warned her that the guests would arrive soon.

“So what? You have a housekeeper here. Mrs. Watkins knows what to do and she will give them a proper welcome and show them around even if you can’t be there.” Godiva smiled and pulled her sister’s arm.

Freya reluctantly followed her to the stables. Ever since Godiva married, she became more laidback and carefree. It was as if she grew younger. Which was a paradox because her husband was actually 16 years older than Godiva. And yet she blossomed in this marriage. Freya would never guess it could happen to her eldest sister out of all people. Godiva used to be overly strict and uptight, she had to be. Now she laughed often, her eyes sparkled with joy and it was clear to see she was in love with her husband. Freya was happy for Godiva and her happiness. However, sometimes she felt a little envious about it. Freya knew she wasn’t destined for anything like this ever happening to her for various reasons.

Freya pulled herself up to the saddle of her black mare she named Lucrecia and looked at the sky. “It’s about to rain, Godiva.” She noticed the heavy grey clouds above.

“And you are worried because you are made of sugar and could melt in the rain?” Godiva asked sarcastically when she got seated in the saddle of her pearly white stallion Lancelot, the gift from her husband.

Freya rolled her eyes. Godiva would be the first one to concern about appearance in the past. She wouldn’t go for a horse ride before the visit and especially not in stormy weather. That day she challenged Freya for a race.

Wonwoo was naturally picked as a driver of the second car due to him having an international driving licence. He was humming as he was watching the road and occasionally checking the GPS. It wasn’t necessary, though. He only needed to follow the mini van in front of him. He assumed that the manager driving knew where they were heading. It was supposed to be some old creepy mansion at the end of the world, or better say a small island in the far north of Scotland. The company picked the place as a perfect setting for their new music video but Wonwoo would prefer something closer to home.

Joshua was sitting on the passenger seat next to Wonwoo and he looked outside the window reading the road sign. He nodded and opened up a brochure all members of Seventeen were given but Wonwoo doubted anybody actually read it.

“Crowcall Hall was built in 1678 by Lady Sybil Marion Arran,” Joshua started reading out loud. “It’s situated on a Crow Isle in the North Sea, in between Orkney Isles and Shetlands. Currently the entire population of the island lives in the Crowcall Hall, which is the only house suitable for whole year inhabitation. The village Hollow Crow was abandoned in 1922 after the local population of sheep stock suffered from disease and was slaughtered completely. Locals had no other source of income and they left the island and moved away. The Crow Isle was completely abandoned until 2020 when the heiress of the estate and current owner of the entire Crow Isle, came to the estate and started with renovations.”

Joshua looked outside and noticed they were closing to the abandoned village of Hollow Crow. It looked rather bleak and scary. “What exactly is supposed to be the concept of this comeback? World after some disaster?” Joshua whispered as if the ghosts of people who left this place could hear him.

“Don’t panic,” Mingyu spoke from the backseat. “I assume the company wouldn’t let us sleep in a ruin. Does it say anything about the house and its current state?”

Joshua looked into his materials and turned a few pages, skipping the grim history of the island. “Here it is. It says that Crowcall Hall was completely renovated and it’s planned to serve as a hotel for prominent guests.”

“That’s us!” Mingyu called happily.

“I think we are the first guests after the renovation was completed. Maybe we are supposed to be the guinea pigs and test it.” Minghao noticed and opened the roof window of the car. He watched the heavy clouds getting darker and inhaled cold air mixed with the scent of wet soil and salty sea. It felt refreshing and he already liked this place. Maybe it didn’t look pretty but the wild and uncivilised beauty of nature appealed to him more.

“Here goes my hairstyle.” Mingyu growled when the wind filled the car. He opened the window on his side as it was already late to save anything and looked around. They were going through a wasteland of moors.

“We are going to arrive at the house soon,” Wonwoo announced.

Mingyu ignored him as he spotted a peculiar thing on the moors. Two horses were running fast in the distance, their riders encouraging them to run even faster. Mingyu squinted to see better. The riders were two women. One riding a white horse, wearing white clothes and her golden hair in two long braids flowing behind her. The other was her complete opposite - black horse carried a woman dressed in black with her dark hair loosely tied up. Mingyu unfastened the seatbelt and stood up on the seat to look out through the roof window.

“Hey, hey! Be seated, mate! We are still moving.” Wonwoo called.

Mingyu couldn’t hear him as his ears were full of wind blowing fast and he stared at the two girls on horses riding towards the storm. He noticed a stone wall standing ahead of them and the next second he watched both the horses flying above it as if they had wings. They easily jumped over the stone wall and galloped towards a large noble mansion. Mingyu assumed it was the Crowcall Hall and his heart skipped realising they have to live there as the rest of the island is not inhabited. He will meet them there!

Freya and Godiva arrived back to the stables laughing. They jumped down onto the ground and the stable groom took horses from them. Freya had to bend, she was hardly catching her breath after such a ride.

“You need to practise more.” Godiva laughed. She seemed utterly fine with such a tempo and her cheeks grew only slightly pink, while Freya felt as if hers were catching on fire and she felt sweat streaming down her spine underneath her thick black clothes.

“I was wondering where you two disappeared.” The deep and calm voice belonged to Simon Archer, Duke of Yewbow, Godiva’s handsome husband and the head of the UK’s Secret Intelligence Service. He could hardly become any more perfect. Freya didn’t like him at first as he seemed cold and reserved at first sight. It was his professional mask and once he felt comfortable enough to drop it, it turned out that Simon was actually a bright and fun companion.

“I needed to move!” Godiva smiled at her husband and draped her arms around his neck offering him her lips for a kiss.

Simon instinctively placed his hands on her hips and smiled at her. “I should be concerned that horse rides make you feel horny.” He whispered against Godiva’s lips before kissing her. He lifted his head with his chest heaving. “I’m not concerned enough to say no to you.”

Godiva giggled, grabbed his hand and pulled him inside.

“Your guests arrived!” Simon called Freya over his shoulder. “They are settling in, there were no problems.” He managed to say before Godiva dragged him into the house.

Freya nodded and decided not to imagine what Godiva and Simon are going to do for the upcoming hour or two. She reached her hair to fix them with the black ribbon she put in this morning. “Oh no!” Freya realised she had to lose the ribbon while riding. It was her favourite one. It was black velvet ribbon decorated with silver embroidery and rimmed with black lace and white pearls. It was a gift from her sister Grace and Freya was deeply attached to it. She should go welcome the guests but she’s already late, nothing will change if she looks for the ribbon first now.

Freya started to go back her tracks and hoped the ribbon fell off somewhere near. She was searching on the pavement around the stables but there was not a trace of it. Freya moved to the garden through which they rode back. Searching in the grass was a bit more difficult. She bent down and brushed through the wet grass with her fingers but she found nothing. “Where are you, you blasted thing?” She moaned for herself. If she lost it somewhere on the moors, she will never find it. Why did she even agree to race with Godiva?

“Are you looking for this?”

Freya turned quickly to the unfamiliar voice and stood in front of a handsome, tall, dark stranger. He was holding her black ribbon in between his long slender fingers and swaying with it temptingly.

“Ah! Yes!” Freya tried to grab the ribbon but he lifted up above his head. She couldn’t reach there. Freya wasn’t exactly short but he was still taller. “It is mine.” She said and looked into his dark gleaming eyes.

“How can I be sure? Close your eyes and describe it in detail to me. If your description fits, I will trust you it’s yours.” He said with a slight cheeky smile.

Freya frowned. What kind of game is he playing here? She would start to argue with him but something in his eyes told her that it would be quicker to play by his rules than to try to put him in his place. At least for now. Freya rolled her eyes before closing them. “It’s a black velvet ribbon,” she started with the description and tried to recall all the tiniest details.

Mingyu smirked and started circling her. He was checking her thoroughly while she was describing the piece of hair accessories. She was relatively tall, Mingyu would guess her to be over 170 cm tall, she was slender, maybe too much for his taste. Her cheeks were still burning from the horse ride and her dark brown hair was falling down her back like a dark chocolate waterfall. She was wearing a thick black turtleneck, black tight riding trousers and black riding boots. She was clearly nervous because Mingyu noticed her fingers shaking a little. He stopped behind her back and started to divide her hair into three streams. He nearly chuckled when she twitched and gasped. “Carry on, don’t stop.” He told her, the black ribbon hanging on his neck while he started to braid her hair.

“And I don’t know how to put this more clearly but it’s a black velvet ribbon and it’s mine.” She finished at the same time Mingyu was done braiding. He fixed the end of the braid with her black ribbon and then put it on her chest so she could see her ribbon back in her hair. “You convinced me,” Mingyu whispered to her ear, fanning it with his hot breath.

She stepped away from him and turned to face him. “But you didn’t convince me, sir.”

“We just met,” Mingyu said calmly and stepped closer to her again, “give me a bit more time.”

“Please, be a gentleman!” Freya took a step back again.

“Make me!” He dared her while walking towards her again.

Freya kept on walking backwards but then she hit a tree trunk and couldn’t escape. “You shouldn’t do this.” She said.

“What exactly am I doing? We are just talking, aren’t we?” Mingyu put his hands on the tree around her head and caged her there.

“I won’t talk to a man who’s not a gentleman, sir.” Freya replied and pressed her lips.

Mingyu looked into her baby blue eyes. Then he stepped away from her. “I beg your pardon, ma’am. Please allow me to escort you back to the house. The weather in the garden is too cold today.” He declared, half serious, half sarcastic. He offered her his arm so she could hook into it.

Freya watched him with mixed feelings. It would look ridiculous if she refused and walked on her own to the house while he would go in the same direction. She took a deep breath and hooked her arm with his. They walked through the garden together and Freya could feel his eyes on her face. She made sure not to make eye contact with him again. His eyes were making her nervous in a completely new and unknown way. Her skin felt like buzzing with electricity and she felt her ears burning. It was foolish! There was no reason for her to have a dry mouth right now. Freya instinctively licked her lips and heard his breath getting stuck for a second. She made a promise to herself never ever to make eye contact with him and lick her lips again. Who is he, anyway? One of the guests, obviously. Why did she even agree to have some korean boy band here? She was doing a favour to her sister Victoria who married a Korean idol and actor and lived in Seoul with him, that was why. These family ties were causing her troubles lately. First Godiva made her lose her ribbon and now Victoria indirectly made Freya feel the entire zoo in her stomach because of this mysterious stranger on her arm.

They finally arrived in the house and Freya jumped away from him as if she was stung by a wasp. “I’m sorry! I haven’t introduced myself.”

“Neither did I.” He said. “My name is Mingyu. Nice to meet you.”

“Mingyu… Right! I’m doct… I’m lady Freya Arran. Welcome to Crowcall Hall. I hope you have a pleasant stay. Now excuse me. I have to check something in the kitchen.” Freya made a curtsey which was unnecessary and she felt like a complete fool afterwards.

Mingyu played along, though and bowed to her deeply and theatrically. She quickly left, nearly running to the kitchen.

“Here you are!” Joshua stepped to Mingyu. “We have wondered where you went. Now I see you were searching for chicks again. Who is it?”

“She said she was lady Freya Arran.” Mingyu replied and he reluctantly followed Joshua to reunite with his members.

“Seriously? You are on a hunt for 10 minutes and hit on the owner of this entire island? Man! I wish I knew your tricks!” Joshua laughed.

“I didn’t know that…” Mingyu said lost in his thoughts. So she was the owner of this place. Why would she go all the way to search for such a trinket when she could clearly afford to buy hundreds of ribbons? Was it a sentimental thing for her? Was it a gift? A gift from a man? A gift from someone she loved? And that someone wasn’t Mingyu. For some reason it felt like a truly bitter pill to swallow. Jealousy? Why should Mingyu be jealous? He barely knows the woman. He has no right to become jealous. And yet he felt the thorny spike of jealousy hurting him deep down.

#oracle kleo #kpop fanfic #seventeen fanfic #svt fanfic #mingyu

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markwatkinsreviews · 12 days

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ALBUM REVIEW: BRICK BRISCOE ~ Bliss Kit (2024)

“Briscoe approaches creating music from a fan-first perspective, and the results of that are a raw honestly and intimacy of sound”.

Released 25 April, 2024 on French Fries Records, Brick Briscoe gives us 13 hot chips!

The hottest being the slap-slap-sound of 'For A Canadian Border Guard', 'commercially-breezy '12 x 12' and the supreme heavy weight, 'Gold Medal Uphill'.

The re-worked music is in the Bob Mould (Sugar) / REM ballpark and the album in its entirety sounds as if it's catching fire, such is the igniting energy of the playing and singing.

The (fire) man himself on the album : “It’s strange to focus on some of these songs again, but rewarding to have the guys in the bad dig into material we’d never played before as a group, and hearing new approaches. It’s actually inspired me to write a bunch of new songs, but I can’t wait to get out there and play Bliss Kit, live!”

Yes, Indiana born, and Indiana wants him, and now the rest of the world, to "burn" (A)LIVE!

Rating: 8/10

Mark Watkins, Dare radio, 2 May, 2024.

(Thanks to Helen Robinson @ Atomik PR for supplying the music!)

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my-chaos-radio · 3 months

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youtube

Release: March 13, 2000

Lyrics:

I like chocolate and controversy

He likes Fridays and bad company

I like midnight, it's when I'm in the mood

He likes the morning, that's when he's rude

Just a bad case of opposite sex

Have to look to the stars

All we need is a little respect

Cos Men are from Venus and Girls are from Mars

Bag It Up

Don't drop the baby

Boot him out

No buts or maybe

Wind him up

And make him crazy

Take him back

Don't drop the baby

Spin him out

No buts or maybe

Do your thing

Come on lady

I don't take sugar on my colour TV

But he likes it loaded with Eye Candy

I need some space and he needs a room

But then he keeps me waiting by leaving too soon

Treat him like a lady

Tease him, please me, chase me yeah

Songwriter:

You know what to do

Now you're in control

Who's wearing the trousers now..

Andy John Watkins / Geri Halliwell / Paul David Wilson

SongFacts:

👉📖

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cymlea · 4 months

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Comparing Florida and New York: Helping You Make an Informed Decision

Choosing between Florida and New York, the two most frequently visited U.S. states, can be a challenging decision for travelers. However, this comparison aims to assist you in making a well-informed choice based on your preferences.

The ongoing competition for the title of the most visited state in the U.S. revolves around Florida and New York. According to Statista's latest data, Florida holds the top spot, with New York following closely behind. In early 2023, both governors publicly disclosed the visitation numbers, revealing that while both states experienced an increase, Florida had a considerable lead. Governor Kathy Hochul of New York State reported 79.5 million visitors in 2022, an increase of one million from 2021. Meanwhile, Governor Ron DeSantis of Florida announced an impressive 137.6 million visitors, surpassing New York by 58.1 million.

Now, let's delve into a detailed comparison to help you decide between these two popular destinations.

Florida: A Sunshine State Extravaganza

Florida, aptly known as the Sunshine State, offers a diverse range of attractions catering to various interests. Whether you're a seafood enthusiast, adventure seeker, nature lover, history buff, or beach aficionado, Florida has something for everyone.

Key Features of Florida:

Best Theme Parks in the World: Florida boasts world-renowned theme parks, including Walt Disney World Resort, Universal Orlando Resort, SeaWorld Orlando, and Legoland Florida Resort.

Beautiful Beaches: With thousands of lakes and over 2,000 miles of shoreline, Florida is home to some of the most exquisite beaches globally, offering crystal-clear waters and sugar-white sand.

Incredible Wildlife: A haven for animal lovers, Florida is rich in wildlife, featuring a wide variety of mammals, reptiles, amphibians, birds, fish, and insects.

Other Attractions: Beyond theme parks and beaches, Florida offers vibrant cities, exciting festivals, rich history, family-friendly attractions, and iconic landmarks like the Kennedy Space Center.

New York: A Cultural Melting Pot with Iconic Landmarks

New York, with its cultural diversity and iconic landmarks, has consistently secured its place among the most visited states in the U.S. The state's nightlife, historical attractions, architectural marvels, and natural beauty contribute to its allure.

Key Features of New York:

World-Famous Spots: Iconic landmarks such as the Statue of Liberty, Central Park, and Times Square define New York's appeal.

Sky-High Structures: Boasting some of the tallest buildings in the U.S., including the One World Trade Center, Central Park Tower, Steinway Tower, Empire State Building, and Brooklyn Tower.

Natural Attractions: Beyond urban landscapes, New York offers natural wonders like Niagara Falls, Watkins Glen State Park, Letchworth State Park, and the Finger Lakes.

Cultural Diversity: New York embraces cultural diversity, featuring small charming towns, the Brooklyn Bridge, Wall Street, and a wealth of museums, galleries, and theaters.

Making Your Decision: A Personal Choice

Ultimately, the choice between Florida and New York depends on your preferences. Florida's appeal lies in its theme parks, beaches, and wildlife, making it ideal for those seeking a sun-soaked adventure. On the other hand, New York's vibrant cities, historical attractions, and diverse natural wonders cater to a different set of interests.

While Florida excels in theme parks and beaches, New York also offers these attractions, albeit on a different scale. Consider factors like security and the cost of living when making your decision, ensuring a travel experience tailored to your preferences. Remember, there is no wrong choice – it's all about what suits you best.

#Walt Disney World #Walt Disney #Disney #usa #urban #city #Orlando #FL

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cyarsk52-20 · 5 months

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The 30 Sexiest Music Videos of All Time

Maura JohnstonJune 19, 2021

From the risque to the raunchy to the banned, we count down the hottest, kinkiest, most talked-about clips from Beyonce, Prince, Madonna and more

Sex and pop music have walked hand in hand since the days of Elvis’ swiveling hips. But the 1981 launch of MTV made the relationship even more explicit – eye-popping videos like Duran Duran’s “Girls on Film” got the controversy started early, while the likes of Madonna and Prince built their pop empires on their willingness to break through boundaries. These 30 videos, which range from the earliest days of MTV through the era of YouTube-enabled smartphones, turned up the heat, as well as the chatter.

[Editor’s Note: a version of this list was originally published September 2017.]

Cher, “If I Could Turn Back Time”

YouTube

The leave-little-to-the-imagination fishnetbodysuit Cher wore in her 1989 video for “If I Could Turn Back Time” was definitely not military regulation, but that didn’t stop the shape-shifting pop icon and director Marty Callner from shooting the clip on the U.S.S. Missouri, where she was surrounded by thrilled crew members. The Navy, however, was officially less amused, and “moral outrage” ensued once the clip saw air. “The Navy worked closely with the producer to ensure the video would be in good taste,” Lt. Cmdr. A. J. Dooley wrote in a statement that came out after the video’s launch. “However, changes during the final stages of production, including Cher’s revealing costume, were unanticipated, and led to overtones that we had sought to avoid during our pre-production planning.”

TLC, “Red Light Special”

Matthew Rolston, who directed TLC’s slinky video for “Creep,” was also behind the camera for this 1994 clip, which featured Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes as the matriarch of a brothel staffed by Boris Kodjoe (Brown Sugar, Real Husbands of Hollywood). “The first thing I pictured was a red strobe light flashing, and somebody doing stripper moves,” Tionne “T-Boz” Watkins, who plays strip poker alongside her bandmate Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas, told Vibe in 2013. “Whatever tricks there are – that’s my red-light special.”

FKA Twigs, “Papi Pacify”

FKA Twigs’ intense black-and-white clip for her 2013 single “Papi Pacify” is all limbs and longing, with the British electro-soul singer staring down the camera while she writhes against a lover. The scenes where he sticks his fingers in her mouth, she later told Britain’s Evening Standard, were also a callback to an “emotionally abusive” relationship she had been in; “In the relationship I couldn’t communicate. The person I was with was stopping me from explaining how I felt. So the physical manifestation is someone putting their hand in your mouth. But there’s an element, too, of liking that as well. It’s messed up. It’s addictive.”

Michael Jackson, “In the Closet”

This 1992 pas de deux between Michael Jackson and Naomi Campbell, directed by master of monochrome Herb Ritts and filmed at California’s Salton Sea during Jackson’s Dangerous era, smolders as the track – co-produced by Jackson and New Jack Swing architect Teddy Riley – pops and grooves, showing off new sides of the King of Pop both on screen and on record.

Usher, “Confessions, Pt. II”

Usher cycles through multiple stages of relationship grief in this 2004 video, which was directed by Chris Robinson and which features the singer in conflicted flagrante with two women before being shown the door by his lover. He works himself into such a state that he flings off his shirt, revealing his chiseled abs in shots that recall a much more contrite version of D’Angelo’s “Untitled (How Does It Feel).”

En Vogue, “Giving Him Something He Can Feel”

The girl group En Vogue’s smoldering cover of Aretha Franklin’s 1976 seduction (written by Curtis Mayfield) received a 1992 video treatment that played off the quartet’s pure vocal power. As En Vogue, dressed in matching red gowns that paid homage to the Supremes-inspired flick Sparkle, shimmies and sighs its way through “Feel,” the men in the audience get more and more hot and bothered, casting aside their inhibitions (and, at times, their accessories) as the performance works its magic.

Robbie Williams, “Rock DJ”

Cheeky boy-band alum Robbie Williams decided to go way beyond baring it all in his 2000 video for the winking “Rock DJ,” in which he builds upon a striptease by unpeeling his skin to reveal muscle and then bones, giving the women surrounding him the opportunity to feast on his flesh. The video, which was banned by the UK chart show Top of the Pops for its gore, was actually (and unsurprisingly) a commentary on the grueling nature of 21st-century fame: ”We’re all keen to see what lies beneath the skin while still venting disgust at the thought of it,” said Sacha Carter, spokeswoman for the video’s effects company Carter White FX. “‘Rock DJ’ is an unusual project that allowed us to push the boundaries of flesh and blood, how we see ourselves and the whole question of fame, with everyone wanting a piece of the action.”

Nicki Minaj, “Anaconda”

Nicki Minaj’s 2014 ode to her posterior, which samples Sir Mix-A-Lot’s “Baby Got Back” while ticking off her bodily attributes, was accompanied by an eye-popping clip that co-stars a knocked-over Drake and a banana. “At first I’m being sexual with the banana, and then it’s like, ‘Ha-ha, no,'” she told GQ in 2014. “That was important for us to show in the kitchen scene, because it’s always about the female taking back the power, and if you want to be flirty and funny that’s fine, but always keeping the power and the control in everything.”

Enrique Iglesias, “Escape”

2001’s fizzy yet determined “Escape” was accompanied by a clip that allowed Iglesias and his then-girlfriend, Russian tennis player Anna Kournikova, to let viewers in on how tough dating while famous can be. Stolen moments in a ladies’ room and a parking lot are steamy, but cut short by eagle-eyed security guards – until Iglesias’ concert ends and Kournikova sticks around for a long-awaited kiss. “It was my first video and it was pretty sexy,” Kournikova told the British Mirror, “but that’s not difficult when you’re acting with Enrique.”

Shakira feat. Rihanna, “Can’t Remember to Forget You”

A video with Colombian pop powerhouse Shakira and Barbadian megastar Rihanna would have been sexy even if the two stood completely still, but this 2014 clip, directed by Joseph Kahn, turns up the heat in glam locales outfitted with luxe beds that allowed for side-by-side writhing. “She’s the sexiest woman on the planet,” Shakira told Glamour of her co-star. “And at the end of the day, we’re both just basically Caribbean girls. The chemistry was so good and so real.”

George Michael, “Freedom 90”

YouTube

George Michael’s decision to remove himself from the videos for his 1990 album Listen Without Prejudice, Vol. 1 paid off handsomely with this clip, in which a galaxy of supermodels – Cindy Crawford, Linda Evangelista, Naomi Campbell, Christy Turlington, and Tatjana Patitz – lip-synch his liberatory dance track while lounging about their houses. The David Fincher-directed clip showed the models’ everyday sides in a playfully sensual way, with Crawford getting down to Michael’s soulful track in the bathtub and Turlington channeling a cat while crawling across a floor to its rhythm.

Christina Milian, “Dip It Low”

Cycling through eye-popping outfits and booty-popping dance moves, Christina Milian puts on a master class for aspiring video vixens in her 2003 clip for the stuttering “Dip It Low.” “The song explains to a woman how to bring the flame back with your man when it goes out,” Milian told the New York Daily News, although the set piece where Milian, dipped in black paint and writhing on a white pedestal to make art out of herself, might be a bit messy.

Fountains of Wayne, “Stacy’s Mom”

New Jersey power-poppers Fountains of Wayne’s 2003 ode to a hot mom got a jolt from its video, which starred supermodel Rachel Hunter as the matriarch who’s “got it goin’ on.” “We somehow convinced Rachel Hunter to star in our video, which is a very good thing,” Schlesinger told The Washington Post that year, “She was a fan, she liked the song and the band, and she thought it was a good idea, and who are we to say no? She was absolutely perfect for it, she totally got the song and did the video in the right spirit.”

Paula Abdul, “Cold Hearted”

Paula Abdul’s videos often paid tribute to pop culture’s past, but 1988’s “Cold Hearted” took it to another level, saluting choreographer Bob Fosse’s slinky choreography for 1979’s All That Jazz with this temperature-elevating, David Fincher-directed clip. “I think more dancers injured themselves on this video shoot than any other,” Abdul told Rolling Stone in 2014. “Just a lot of things, like sliding on our knees, working with raw elements of scaffolding; nothing was very comfortable. We were working with real wood, metal, concrete. Because it had to be gritty.”

The White Stripes’ 2003 cover of this Burt Bacharach/Hal David lament made headlines for its video, which paired supermodel Kate Moss with director Sofia Coppola as she was on the verge of releasing Lost In Translation.According to The New York Times, the concept came easily to Coppola: ”I said, ‘I don’t know – how about Kate Moss doing a pole dance?’ I said that because I would like to see it. That’s the way I work: I try to imagine what I would like to see.”

Alicia Silverstone and Liv Tyler play pals on a rampage in this raucous clip for Aerosmith’s 1994 power ballad, which features cutting class, pole dancing, skinny dipping and strong hints that Liv got at least a few of her moves from her daddy, Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler.

Ciara feat. Ludacris, “Ride”

Diane Martel directed Ciara through the mechanical bull rides and sultry gyrations that make up this 2010 clip, which was left off BET’s daily video countdown 106 & Park because of its sexual content. While initial reports claimed it had been banned, BET denied the allegation, saying that they merely were waiting on edits from Ciara and her camp. “I am definitely aware that my video has some very sensual moments in it,” Ciara told Rap-Up at the time. “I’m definitely more than willing to make an edit to make it suitable for whatever it is that would be more comfortable to the network.” Of course, by then, videos had become distributed online as well as on TV, so those who wanted to see Ciara could work around BET’s reticence.

Madonna, “Express Yourself”

Frank Micelotta/Getty

David Fincher’s 1989 video for Madonna’s second Like A Prayer single is an homage to Fritz Lang’s dystopian Metropolis, although the eroticism is kicked up a notch or 10; while workers in an imposing building’s nether regions grind gears and drip with sweat, Madonna engages in a bit of a costume show, playing chilly diva, gender-bent orator, and rich man’s plaything. The happy ending – in which a vulnerable Madonna gives herself up to one of the beautiful, muscular men seen toiling down below – is liberatory and pretty hot, repurposing Lang’s epigraph “Without the heart, there can be no understanding between the hand and the mind” into a call for sexual freedom.

Selena Gomez, “Hands to Myself”

Alek Keshishian was no stranger to pop stars who wanted to push boundaries, having directed the Madonna documentary Truth or Dare – and that’s why Selena Gomez tipped him to direct the video for her minimalist 2015 single “Hands to Myself.” In it, Gomez plays a stalker so overcome by the idea of her fantasy life with model Christopher Mason that she breaks into his house. “I wanted the idea to feel like it was two different versions of being in this fantasy,” Gomez said in a making-of clip. “I think everybody can have those moments where they’re dreaming about what their life could be, especially if they’re girls with love, being obsessed with an idea and you can’t control yourself, because that’s what you want no matter what is happening.”

Duran Duran, “Girls on Film”

The 1981 video for Duran Duran’s grim portrayal of the model life gave MTV’s standards and practices department an instant jolt – the clip, directed by Kevin Godley and Lol Creme, features a parade of models in different outfits (cowgirl gear, nurses’ outfits, a fur coat/plastic underwear combo that seems to have limited utility outside of music videos) flaunting their stuff while also dabbling in light bondage. “Girls on Film” came together a few weeks before MTV launched in the summer of 1981, allowing both band and channel to bask in controversy.

YouTube

When Beyoncé dropped her self-titled visual album in 2013, the video “Partition” stood out: Set in part at the Parisian cabaret Crazy Horse, where B and Jay-Z got engaged, its bored-housewife fantasy pivots on Beyoncé playing onstage seductress to Jay, undulating and staring him down as she sings about getting it on in the back of a limo. “I remember thinking, damn, these girls are fly!” Beyoncé said in the making-of documentary Self-Titled. “I thought it was the ultimate sexy show I’ve ever seen, and I was like, ‘I wish I was up there. I wish I could perform that for my man.’ So that’s what I did, for the video.”

The concept of Rihanna’s bondage-appreciating track “S&M” is pretty straightforward, but director Melina Metsoukas wanted to make the clip a little more high-concept. The brightly hued, occasionally goofy 2011 video is an allegory for the Barbadian singer’s “sadomasochist relationship with the press… it isn’t just about a bunch of whips and chains,” Matsoukas told Billboard in 2011, and while it does feature Ri in a host of latex outfits, it also shows her whipping reporters and bringing online gossip columnists to heel – a hint that she has more control over her image than reporters might think.

YouTube

A chronicle of a wood-paneled basement hang that turns into something much more charged, the 1997 video for Fiona Apple’s “Criminal” transformed the amateur-porn aesthetics ofCalvin Klein’s controversial 1995 ad campaigninto a steamy, overlit gathering of entangled bodies that matched its song’s regret-filled mood. (The uncomfortable lighting, director Mark Romanek told The New York Times, was the result of him attaching a cheap halogen lamp to his camera—”so dumb it worked,” he told the paper about the inspiration that led to “Criminal” winning the 1998 Video Music Award for Best Cinematography.)

D’Angelo, “Untitled (How Does it Feel)”

Any video for “Untitled (How Does It Feel),” the simmering come-on from funk auteur D’Angelo’s 2000 masterpiece Voodoo, would have been sexy – the song’s a slow-burn seduction that draws inspiration from Marvin and Al, filtered through the musical genius’s thoughtful style. But the single-shot clip, in which D wears nothing but a crucifix, gives the full-body treatment to the track, leaving little to the imagination while daring it to run wild. “D’Angelo is singing about being intimate with a woman that he loves,” Star Jones told The New York Times in 2000. “And it’s just basic voice and body, and when you’re in an intimate situation with a man, that’s really all that’s there – the voice and the body and the light hitting the body in a way that makes you know that this is your man.”

Janet Jackson, “Any Time, Any Place”

Janet Jackson’s fantasy life gets top billing in 1994’s video for “Any Time, Any Place,” although the lyrics’ ideas of getting it on in public are brought indoors, where the R&B superstar and her across-the-hall neighbor engage in erotic play that includes strawberries and steam on their terms. The clip also doubled as an ad for the ways that safe sex could be fun – “any time, any place ……be responsible,” the screen admonishes after the final lingering image of Jackson fades out.

Britney Spears, “I’m a Slave 4 U”

YouTube

“I think if you keep challenging yourself to do something different,” Britney Spears told the UK’s Observer in 2001, “people will see that and like that. But it’s up to me to change.” The video for “I’m A Slave 4 U” – the first single from that year’s Britney, a laser-gun pop-funk track produced by then-on-the-rise duo The Neptunes – showed how far Spears was willing to go, at least in terms of potential dehydration. It’s a sweaty romp in a dance club that looks fashioned out of a sauna, where Spears and her backup dancers fall under the spell of the song’s skeletal beat.

Madonna, “Justify My Love”

YouTube

The polymorphously perverse Prince probably deserves his own “sexiest videos” list. Like Madonna, his boundary-testing clips helped push MTV’s standards and practices departments into new directions. But the video for 1986’s jittery funk come-on “Kiss” stands out, as it shows off Prince’s moves – and his midriff – alongside guitarist Wendy Melvoin and dancer Monique Manning, whose playful rapport with the singer gives the clip an extra erotic charge.

Chris Isaak, “Wicked Game”

YouTube

The ingredients that make up Chris Isaak’s 1990 video for his soul-plumbing ballad are pretty simple: a man, a woman, a beach. But under the guidance of director Herb Ritts, that equation added up to the steamiest video of all time, a black-and-white clip in which Isaak and supermodel Helena Christensen seductively (yet strategically – Christensen was topless, although her nudity was well-hidden by camera angles and edits) lolled about in the sand while waves lapped and Isaak sighed over a sparse guitar line inspired by the most wounded pop of the Sixties. The smoldering passion exhibited by Isaak and Christensen had a vulnerability about it that still makes the video’s simple concept eye-popping decades later.

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suzannetownsend · 6 months

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Red tide at morning, Floridians take warning

TAMPA–Floridians are all too familiar with the regularly occurring red tide and its consequences. Beachgoers arrive hoping for a relaxing day of swimming and shelling only to be plagued with cough and the stench of decaying fish.

Red tide is a naturally occurring periodical bloom of the phytoplankton, or single-celled algae called Karenia Brevis. The organism has been documented in the Gulf of Mexico since the 19th century but recently it's been exacerbated by excess nutrients and increased water temperatures. The harmful algal blooms of Karenia Brevis suck oxygen out of the water and release a toxin deadly to fish and other marine life, as well as having adverse effects on humans. This negatively impacts the tourism industry that Florida’s economy heavily relies on and in some cases has caused respiratory infections that land affected people in the ER.

The impacts of red tide are felt first and foremost by businesses that rely on the ocean. Captain Dustin Quesenberry has been with Poseidon Fishing Charters of Tampa Bay since 2020. He recalls recent blooms and the effects it had on business. “We did have fewer bookings just because it’s all over the news. Bait was a big issue and then catching fish was a big issue because most of them died. Then they go to different areas when the red tide affects the water, so that was our main struggle.”

David Karlen, an environmental scientist with the Environmental Protection Commission of Hillsborough County says the fish kills can be costly, both in cleanup expenses and for tourism. “The other issues are respiratory issues. People with asthma or other respiratory issues are particularly sensitive to the toxins in the algae that get released into the atmosphere. Currently there's a bloom occurring south of us near Lee County that reaches up towards the mouth of Tampa Bay so we’re going to see more bloom impact in the coming weeks.”

Southwest Coast Karenia Brevis concentrations. Courtesy of Fish and Wildlife Research Institute.

What causes red tide?

Karenia blooms begin offshore in the Gulf, but the main problems arise once it makes its way to shore. Rhonda Watkins, a member of the Harmful Algae Bloom Task Force, wants people to remember that red tide is naturally occurring. “It’s never going away,” she said in a phone call. But it has gotten worse in southwest Florida. One cause of the increased algal blooms is temperature, according to a University of Florida study. Higher water temperatures due to climate change have been found to enable the proliferation of toxic phytoplankton, making red tide worse for Florida. “It also has been documented that nutrients and temperature act synergistically in the ocean to stimulate the growth of harmful phytoplankton blooms.”

Nutrients are a big component in exacerbating existing red tide once it gets closer to the coast. “Once red tide is near the coast it will consume any nutrients available to it.

There’s nutrients in any coastal runoff that can exacerbate an existing red tide, it can sustain it for longer than it typically would be here,” Watkins explains. Nutrients that Karenia feeds off of include nitrogen and phosphorus which can come from fertilizer and sewage and it’s only becoming worse due to land development. When asked about the role of Florida’s sugar industries in excess nutrient runoff, Watkins says they’re not the main culprit. “The thing is that I know everybody wants to blame Big Sugar but Big Sugar has been here since the 60s, so nothing that they’re doing is changing. The thing that has changed is development and we know that the rules that we have for development for stormwater runoff are not addressing the nutrients in the water. Then you compound that with the number of people that are moving here and that’s more sewage, that’s more biosolids…” That’s more fuel for red tide.

One example of a bad red tide happened in July of 2021 after the Piney Point wastewater leak in Manatee County. In March 215 million gallons of wastewater was pumped into the Bay, and in July the Tampa Bay Times reported that almost 2,000 pounds of dead sea life was picked up in the Tampa Bay area alone. Red tide usually naturally affects Florida’s coast during the winter months, so this unusual summertime bloom can be linked to the wastewater leak.

There are clear connections between climate change and harmful algal blooms when we look at unusual storms, too. According to NOAA, hurricane season in Florida lasts from May to November. Still, Tropical Storm Alberto in May of 2018 was a somewhat unusual occurrence. This storm led to another bad red tide that lasted all summer, again, an unusual time for a bloom. Storms and hurricanes cause upwelling of nutrients from the bottom of the Gulf, as well as increased runoff from land, feeding outbreaks of Karenia.

What needs to be done?

Mote Marine Laboratory in Sarasota and the Florida Fish and Wildlife Research Institute are the main researchers investigating red tide. As for what everyday people can do, both Karlen and Watkins urge people to limit use of fertilizer. According to Watkins, “Recommendations at the state level are either not passing legislation or or the rules that they’re revamping are so watered down that it's not gonna make a difference.” She goes further by saying “We should stop growing grass. That's really one of the best things you can do, it’s such an artificial crop and it takes so much energy and nutrients to maintain. Grow food, grow anything else.”

Florida has a long way to go with its research, but the more residents know, the more proactive they can be in taking care of their natural environment.

#red tide #florida #karenia brevis #fwc #fl outdoors

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