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scxrsgxrd · 4 years

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Dive Bar//Axel Cluney

As I said on my last post, it’s been a hot minute ;) buttttttt since I’m in isolation I figured I should make myself useful and at least write something (apologies if it’s a lil rusty it’s been a while since I’ve written)

WARNINGS: 18+ mention of alcohol, mature language and all around nasty sex ;)

She entered the nearest shitty bar she could find, she needed the taste of cheap beer and the sound of overplayed, outdated records to take her mind off the lastest bust up with her husband, the arrogant, son of bitch she’d (for some reason) agreed to spend the rest of her life with. Sure marriage was nice, but that was her problem, was nice. What used to be sleepless nights of sex and shitty movies had turned into a mundane clusterfuck of petty arguments about the laundry or the dishes, the fucking dishes. She scoffed as she reminisced about the countless heated debates her and her husband had held over who was to wash a couple of plates and simply fold some clean shirts.

She began to toy with her wedding ring, swivelling it around her finger, shamelessly wondering how much lighter her finger may feel without it. She internally scolded herself, her wedding didn’t happen on some kind of whim. She met him in high school and immediately fell for his charms, hell he was the only guy she’d ever slept with, in what world would she ever be able to leave him.

“What’s a girl like you doin’ in a bar like this?” She was snapped out of her thoughts by the painfully cliché chat up line that had just been directed at her, and turned her head to the stool next to her to see what kind of fuck-boy had just decided to further ruin her night.

Oh, he was textbook, just the sort of guy you’d picture at a typical, filthy dive bar. His arms were covered in all kinds of obscene tattoos, one in particular caught her attention as it was the outline of a woman’s nude body. Her eyes scanned over the rest of him, the scuffed combat boots, the multiple rings scattered over his fingers, the slight hint of facial hair. But what caught her attention the most were his eyes, those green eyes that had some type of fire behind them, the type of fire that was dangerous, but intriguing.

“The type of girl that wants to be left alone by shitty, shitty men.” She knew she could do worse, but had a lack of energy to engage in any sort of argument with this guy. She hoped this would be enough for him to turn away and find some cheap bimbo to bother, but her statement only seemed to interest him more, as a smirk grew on his full lips.

“So there’s no reason for me to leave you alone then, another beer?” And with that, he tipped his bottle at a 90 degree angle and glugged down the remaining half of his beer, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand when he was done.

“I don’t want another fucking beer, not off you. I don’t know what type of game you’re trying to play, but I sure as hell have no wish to be sucking your dick, or worse, at the end of the night.” Although these words had just left her mouth, she couldn’t deny the small part of her that was almost pining for his balls to be down her throat. He was the type of guy you just knew would like it dirty.

“Woah woah sweetheart, calm down. Now why would I want my dick in your pretty mouth when there’s a big ol’ ring on your finger huh?” He gestured towards her wedding ring with a simple eyebrow raise, the smirk on his lips simply growing with arrogance. He knew exactly what game he was playing, it had been a while since he’d had a decent fuck, particularly with one of the good girls, those were his favourite, and he could tell this particular woman hadn’t had anything but vanilla missionary in a long, long time.

“Well, uh, yeah. You got me there.” The blush on her cheeks was inescapable. She pressed her hand against the cold bottle of beer partly to cool down the sweat forming on her palms, and partly to get her fucking drunk so she could forget about the embarrassment she’d brought upon herself infront of the hugely attractive man next to her.

“You look cute when you’re all worked up, I’m glad that’s the effect I seem to be havin’ on you. So, how much do you love that husband of yours?” This time his voice was different, it was more gravelly, and she noticed his eyes darken slightly as they raked her up and down. She should’ve known from that second what she was getting herself in for.

His bed was an oil stained mattress on an old, metal frame that looked like it’d collapse the second they both lay on it. He took her by her waist and threw her onto it, an unnerving creaking sound coming from the frame which caused him to chuckle. He lent down and held the back of her neck, pulling her in for yet another deep, sloppy kiss. She happily obliged, wrapping her arms around the guy she’d barely known for an hour. She wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or simply his charm that worked back to his place, but one thing she knew for sure was that walking tomorrow would not be easy.

“You like that honey?” He purred in her ear when his lips moved to her neck, licking and sucking on all the right spots she never even knew existed. She could barely even muster up an answer as her back arched off his bed, strangled moans leaving her mouth as she reached for the t shirt he was wearing. He took the initiative to pull it off over his head, throwing it into the corner of the room. She paused for a few seconds to take in the man infront of her, her eyes scanning over the litter of tattoos across his chest and abdomen until he grew impatient and began to kiss her again, slightly rougher this time.

That was when his own hands reached for the hem of her shirt, swiftly ridding her of it in a matter of seconds, his eyes now focusing on the last item between himself and her breasts. He barely even paused before undoing the clasp on her bra, freeing her from it and giving his eyes the full view they’d been waiting for. A groan left his mouth as he moved his calloused hands over her chest, the slight coldness of the rings on her fingers causing her to gasp as his fingers grazed over her hardening nipples.

“Your tits are fuckin’ amazing.” He almost murmured to himself as his hands continued to roam over them, pinching one of his nipples between his fingers every so often, causing her to jolt into his own chest. He then pushed her onto her back, fixing his hands onto her arms in order to hold her in place as his tongue began to trace its way around the curve of her left boob, slowly making its way to her nipple as he fixed his mouth around it. An awfully loud moan left her mouth as he began to suck, still using his tongue to trace over her nipple, his fingers playing with the opposite one which was beginning to cause a painful ache between her legs.

“I-I can’t.. I can’t take much more, I need y-you to do something down there.” She could barely stammer her way through the sentence, the gaze he gave her causing the pain to worsen. He lifted himself up and moved his face until it was mere centimetres away from hers, her erratic breaths being the only noise in the room for what felt like hours.

“Tell you what princess, I’ll make you a deal huh? You tell me what you want me to do to that sweet little pussy of yours, and I’ll do it.” He finally broke the silence, his characteristic smirk returning as he saw her almost horrified expression. He knew damn well nobody had ever spoken to her like this, not even the man she married.

“I.. I want you to.. I want you to taste it.” The words had barely left her mouth before he was yanking her jeans down with her underwear inside them, a deep, throat growl leaving him as he saw her pussy for the first time. She’d barely been on his sheets a minute and she was already soaking them. On a different occasion he would’ve teased her, made her beg for his touch, his tongue, but he’d never been so desperate to taste someone as he was to taste her.

He lay her so she was spread eagle on his bed, her thighs pinned to the mattress by his large hands, giving her a last glance before he dipped his head between her thighs. His tongue lazily lapped over her soaked folds, a groan of appreciation coming from him as he tasted how sweet she was. He then turned his attention to her already swollen clit, giving it a few light kisses before attaching his plump lips around it, sucking on her slowly, every so often he’d pull back slightly and graze his tongue over her. Oh, she was a mess on the bed infront of him. She let go of whatever was left of her inhibitions and yelled various profanities over and over while pulling on his hair, so hard she was surprised she wasn’t hurting him. She could feel his fingers slowly tracing their way up her thighs until they reached her soaked folds, he gave a second to adjust before plunging his middle and index finger inside her, immediately finding a rhythm that made her almost scream out as he continued to suck and lick at her clit. Axel could feel her beginning to tighten and clench around his fingers as her thighs began to tremble and her moans were beginning to turn into whimpers.

“I don’t think so pretty girl, you ain’t gonna cum yet.” And with that, he pulled away from her. His fingers were covered in her arousal, he gazed at them before beginning to suck on them, his eyes rolling to the back of his head as he savoured every last drop of her.

He then picked up her left hand, seemingly admiring the ring on her finger. That was when he kissed the tip of her ring finger, then began to slowly move his mouth down it until he reached the base, not once breaking eye contact with her. His teeth clamped around the bottom of the ring, bringing his mouth back up her finger and taking the ring with him. He spat it into his hand and discarded it onto his bedside table, beginning to unbuckle his belt and rid himself of the jeans and boxers that were causing him discomfort due to the raging hard on he’d had ever since they left the bar.

That was when she saw him in his full glory. His cock was intimidatingly huge and thick, with pre-cum already leaking out of his bright red tip. Her attention was then brought to the multiple piercings he had situated on his dick, didn’t they hurt?

“It’ll feel good sweet, I promise. Oh, and the names Axel by the way.” He interrupted her thoughts as he began to position himself between her legs, pumping his hand up and down himself a few times before lining himself up against her folds. “You’re gonna need somethin’ to scream out, aren’t you sweetheart?” His arrogance that at one point would’ve infuriated her only turned her on even more, all she could do was nod and bite down on her lip as she felt his tip slowly enter her. He then placed his hands on the metal frame above her as he began to slowly ease himself into her, giving her a few seconds to adjust to his size before he fully entered her.

“Mm, I’m gonna enjoy stretchin’ out this sweet little cunt.” He cooed at her, pulling back out of her slowly. With no warning he then plunged deep into her, his hips coming into contact with hers as he began to hit spots inside her she’d never even felt before. He gave her no time to re-adjust before repeating this move, grinding his hips against hers as he found a way to go even deeper into her.

“O-oh my fuck, Axel, Jesus fuck, Axel.” She cried out, screwing her eyes shut as she began to lose herself in pure euphoria. His thrusts were only getting stronger and she relished in the feeling of getting her brains fucked out by a complete stranger, she could already feel her stomach begin to tighten as he repeatedly hit the spot inside her that made her almost jolt off the bed entirely.

Her eyes then completely widened when he closed his hand around her throat, squeezing ever so slightly tighter when her mouth formed an ‘o’ shape and her moans became more and more pornographic. “You like don’t you? You like feeling me fuckin’ choke you, don’t you you little slut?” He growled, running his thumb over her lip and turning his gaze towards her face.

At that point all she could do was nod feebly, any time she opened her mouth the only thing leaving it was another whimper. Her eyebrows furrowed as he ceased his thrusting completely, his eyes now blazing with a mixture of lust and anger. “I asked you a fuckin’ question sweetheart, I expect a fuckin’ answer, where are those manners of yours?” His grip only seemed to tighten around her throat and she realised the playful side of Axel disappeared.

“Y-yes Axel, I like it.” She was surprised she even managed that, but nonetheless this seemed to please him enough for him to start his deep thrusts once again, this time going at a slower pace which allowed her to feel every inch of his cock and the sharp piercings that grazed against her walls, making her head roll back against his pillows and her hips involuntary arch into each of his thrusts.

Axel had never had pussy like hers, nobody matched up to the way she was making him feel. The way she was clenching around him was fucking beautiful, not to mention the way she looked while underneath him, her tits bouncing with each thrust and her arms fixed around him with her nails digging deep into the skin on his back, scraping up and down the length of him as he clenching began to get tighter and her moans became more strained. He savoured a few more seconds of looking down at her before he released his grip on her throat, his fingers now moving down her clit as he began to harshly rub at her in figure of eight motions, making her writhe and convulse beneath him.

“Oh, Axel, right there, right fucking there. Don’t stop, please don’t fucking stop.” She called out, her nails digging deeper into his back as she felt her stomach tighten and a sensation she hadn’t felt in a long time course throughout her whole body. Her back arched completely off the bed as her orgasm came over, she lost all of her senses she felt Axel continually rubbing her clit and move his cock in and out of her. Once she came down she opened her eyes to see beads of sweat forming on Axel’s forehead as his thrusting became more sloppy and his grunts became more frequent.

She shuffled herself slightly so he was able to go deep enough to stimulate his own release, and she allowed him to have full reign over her pussy as he slid his hand underneath her, holding her closer to him as his whole body stiffened. He groaned and cursed in her ear as she felt him completely fill her up, the warmth of his cum soothing her sore walls as he gave one last thrust before pulling out of her and flopping down on the bed next to her.

He allowed her to rest his head on his chest as they lay in silence, he wasn’t one for idle pillow talk after a one night stand and he assumed she wasn’t either. He ran his long fingers through her hair and over her shoulders, tickling over her back gently as she groaned in appreciation, her eyes beginning slowly close. Once her steady breathing indicated she was asleep he began to relax himself, running a hand through his hair to remove it from his forehead before gently moving his fingers back to her warm, smooth skin.

When she opened her eyes in the morning a slight feeling of guilt washed over her, as her eyes fixed on the wedding ring that was discarded on Axel’s bedside table. She gently moved herself away from his lanky limbs she became intertwined with in the night and gently got up off his mattress, careful not to wake him. As she stared at her ring for a few seconds her mind wandered to the possibility of leaving it where it was and getting back into bed with her stranger, losing herself in his warmth. She shook her head and internally scolded herself for having this thought, her place wasn’t in the bed of some random guy from a bar, it was with her husband. With that, she fixed the ring back on her finger and quietly dressed herself, making sure to run her fingers through her tangled hair before she left.

Once she had finished making herself look somewhat presentable, she approached his bedroom door, and took once last glance over her shoulder at at the stranger from the dive bar.

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#bill skarsgard #bill skårsgard #bill skarsgård smut #bill skarsgård imagine #bill skarsgård x reader #axel cluney #axel cluney smut

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ruffsficstuffplace · 7 years

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The Keeper of the Grove (Part 24)

The problem of all safety instructions was that they were very difficult to follow while you were in the midst of trying not to soil yourself in sheer terror.

Weiss managed to follow the handler's instructions of keeping her eyes closed and her mouth shut up until the first hard turn five seconds in, when her log went from going at swift but constant downhill slant, to a 90 degree angle drop straight down.

As some of her internal organs began to shift upwards, Weiss opened her eyes and started screaming.

The ride was less than a minute long, her log only ever slowing down to safely maneuver more hard turns and sheer drops, climbing up the vertical pipes, or waiting for a different log to pass through a junction before she rocketed on through, but the path was full of more twists, turns, climbs, and drops than most roller coaster designer's wildest, most improbable fantasies.

Up, down, to the left, to the right, round the bend, over a hill, under the ground, through a mountain, and once through a loop-d-loop—the Tubes seemed to make it a point to use every single direction possible in three-dimensional space, all in the name of getting their passengers from point A to point B as swiftly as possible.

Her log finally reached its stop, the roar of water quieted down to a steady thrum, Weiss hoarse scream's finally ceased from lack of oxygen. The cover was opened, the handlers at this station unstrapped her, and were kind enough to gently pull her out when they realized she was paralyzed with fear.

Weiss stepped onto the wooden platform of the dock, one shaking, bare foot at a time. Ruby and Penny rushed over to her, the two of them taking over for the handlers.

“You okay, Weiss?” Ruby asked as she held her from the front.

Weiss threw up.

“… Probably should have seen that coming!”

Weiss went off with Penny to the side, to retch and heave into the water than on the floors. Ruby got her clothes cleaned up—to none of Weiss' surprise, every station was well-stocked with cleaning equipment for both the logs and the passengers, going so far as to offer spare clothes at a pittance.

Weiss' stopped shaking, Penny handed her a bottle of water--”Purified and mostly removed of any sort of microbial organism, beneficial or otherwise, until your body fully adjusts,” she explained.

Weiss thanked her and took a slow sips of it. It tasted weird, and having drank water sourced from all over Avalon, that was really saying something. But, she forced herself to swallow it all; no Aquarius Industries deliveries or machines out here.

She recovered, looked around at her surroundings.

When Ruby had said that she lived far away from the city center, she'd imagined something along the lines of a cul-de-sac, a Fae version of the miniature agricultural communes that existed in some of the cities, or maybe even something like Manor Schnee, a few miles out of Candela and connected to its power grid, but otherwise completely independent.

What she saw was wilderness—untamed and unnerving, trees and their massive roots rising up from the ground and above the water, rivaling Candela's skyscrapers in size; vegetation growing uncontrolled on the grass and the mud, just barely hewed back from the road; and the sounds of hundreds if not thousands of frogs, birds, and insects humming and going about their days.

From what she could see, the docks, the aqueduct, and the dirt road leading outwards were the only signs of civilization.

Weiss turned back to the others. “Why does it look like you live in a swamp?” she asked.

“Because I do!” Ruby replied cheerfully.

Weiss turned back to the wilds around them, feeling her stomach begin to sink than rise up into her throat.

“It's not THAT bad!” Ruby continued. “The really dangerous swamp critters aren't don't live even remotely close, and you only ever need a boat to get around when the Flood comes! That's like, what, four or five months from now?”

Weiss didn't reply.

“Come on!” Ruby said as she made her way out. “My house is just a little further out!”

Weiss collected her care package, squeezed her eyes shut, and then began to trek into the swamp, barefoot.

Keeper's Hollow—“or as my Uncle Qrow likes to call it, 'The Bastion's Butthole'”--was a patch of protected wetland, used to help the city combat the intense sun as a heat-sink, and the pouring rains as a storm-drain.

In theory, it was excellent land: spacious, close to a massive source of unpolluted freshwater, with incredibly fertile ground that would have been ideal for large-scale agriculture or a decently sized farming community during the Fury, and nutrient-rich water for aquaculture during the Flood.

In practice, it was dirt cheap real estate in a highly undesirable location, since the Fae had long ago mastered the art of urban agriculture and efficiently housing and moving around densely packed populations.

There were really only two places of interest:

Ruby's personal training grounds, a large collection of rocks, trees, and artificial obstacles that held scars from years if not decades of intense, frequent exercises and drills; and her home proper, a giant crooked tree that sloped to the side, looking not unlike the head of her scythe, if you ignored all the stairs, ladders, and platforms held up by nails, rope, and blatant disregard for the laws of physics.

The rest of it was just more swamp, growing around the long-reclaimed ruins of some ancient village, vines poking out of rotten cabins, fish making their homes among the broken planks of a dock, and what might have been a barn long ago, before a tree inside grew right through its roof.

“I'll get the elevator!” Ruby called out as she dashed up to the base of the tree, climbing up footholds, planks, and rope ladders; Weiss figured she could manage the whole gauntlet in her sleep, literally. She fiddled around for a while before said elevator came down, a fishing boat that had been tied to a motorized pulley system.

Penny climbed in without hesitation, Weiss stopped at the cut-out sides that were its entrance and exit. “Is this thing safe?” she yelled.

“Absolutely!” Ruby replied. “I always keep the system working at 100%! If I didn't, Uncle Qrow would be spending a lot more nights passed out on the ground than on the living room floor!”

Weiss reluctantly climbed aboard. She gripped the bottom of her seat as the boat began to rise back up, the crank creaking, the sides gently rocking, her knuckles turning white. She only let go when it had come to a complete stop, and Penny had climbed out of it.

“Want me to get your bag?” Ruby asked as she pointed at the care package.

“I'll handle it myself,” Weiss replied as she got out. “Is there anywhere I can wash my feet before I head inside?”

Ruby looked at her, confused. “Why would you want do that?”

“Humans generally dislike tracking mud, dirt, and other related stains inside their homes and buildings; they like to keep a strict separation of 'indoors' and 'outdoors,'” Penny replied.

“Well, that explains a lot...” Ruby mumbled. “Anyway, bathroom's to your left, past the kitchen. Heads up: we don't really do showers or tubs at home in Fae cities, we just use our bathhouses or the rivers.”

“Seriously?!” Weiss cried.

Ruby chuckled. “Weiss, we're outdoors outdoors like 90% of the time, and our home aren't as sealed off from the rest of the world like you humans are! If we had to take a bath every time we got mud on ourselves, we'd have a huge time and water shortage for everything else—especially considering we only ever get rain half the year here!”

Weiss looked at her muddy, gras- stained feet, and sighed. “At least tell me you have soap and hot water like my prison cell did...”

Ruby nodded. “We have plenty!”

“Good enough...” Weiss muttered as she headed to the door.

“The bath house is a great place to hang out, catch up with folks you haven't talked to in a while, and just let off some steam, Weiss!” Ruby said as she hurried over to open it. “My friends Ren and Nora work at one of the restaurants there, and they make these amazing pancakes!

“I'll take you there some time! Not all the time, though. Baths are expensive.”

Ruby unlocked the door—instead of a key and a physical or magical mechanism for locks, tough roots had spread out all over its face and receded only after she pressed her palm to their clumped up center. “Remind me to get you into the gen-mem later!” she said as she stepped in.

“Genetic memory, the door's list of approved DNA signatures for access,” Penny explained.

“I won't have to get any vines growing inside my body again, do I?” Weiss asked warily.

Penny smiled. “Of course not! A reasonably sized saliva sample will do just fine.”

“...”

“Weiss! You coming?” Ruby called out from inside.

Weiss braced herself, and headed in.

It wasn't nearly as bad as she'd been expecting. Aside from the fact that there was a thin layer of mud and dirt packed into the wooden floors, the rest of the house was clean and orderly, everything put away and organized according to a system, much less armour and clothes hanging off chairs and laying on the ground than she expected, and the various containers for alcohol that Qrow consumed on a regular basis were all collected in regularly spaced bins.

As for decorations, she'd describe it as “Simple.”

The home of someone who didn't need or want for much in the way of material things, or couldn't afford it. The living room was essentially just a couch and a few throw pillows for company, all centered around a giant slab of carved rock she assumed to be their HV receiver. The walls were either bare, or covered in post it notes and reminders in a mix of Actaeon and Nivian, with a consistent handwriting style—“Uncle Qrow forgets important things a lot, so he either puts it on the wall before he forgets, or so he'll find it when he's struggling to remember what it was,” Ruby explained.

The rest of it were photos, printed. There were images commemorating particularly memorable hunts for both Qrow and Ruby, one or the both of them goofing off with a trophy body part, or the carcass of their kill. There were images of the two of them having fun in the city and other settlements, sometimes with other Fae Weiss didn't know—Nora and Ren, she guessed the two most frequently recurring duo were. Much more personal photos, like Qrow holding his hands out to a much younger Ruby playing with her scythe, blowing out the candles on a gigantic chocolate chip cookie with ice cream on top of it, and a teary eyed but proud looking Ruby holding up her cut and bleeding hands.

One in particular caught her eye:

Ruby, she thought, until she realized she was much older, and that it was probably her mother—the family resemblance was extremely strong, almost like her daughter was a perfect, younger clone of her. She had a little bundle in her arms, two tiny nubs sticking out from the white cloth.

There was Qrow, a surly looking woman beside her with the same head of black feathers and the avian traits, and to her surprise, two humans on the other side: both blond, father and daughter, wearing the same goofy grins.

“Oh hey, you found my family photo!” Ruby chirped as she walked over. “It's really special, you know; it's the only one I have of all of us together.”

“Do they live in another city, or something?” Weiss asked.

“Nope! Mom's dead, my aunt's dead, too, and my sister and dad are permanently exiled from the Valley—and every other Fae settlement for that matter!” Ruby replied calmly.

Weiss blinked, stunned. “I—I'm sorry, I...”

Ruby shrugged. “It's cool. I was barely a year old when it all happened, don't remember a thing! Anyway, you hungry?”

Weiss' stomach growled; it had been a long while since her last meal in prison, and losing all of it from the Tube ride hadn't helped matters any. “Sure, what're we having?”

“Same thing as always: chocolate chip cookies and milk!”

“What else could I be having…?”

“Just that!” Ruby replied. “Uncle Qrow takes home whatever he can from the hunts, and buys some fruits and vegetables every other day; cookies and alcohol are about the only two things we have all the time, guaranteed.”

“What is the Eldan Council paying you?!”

“Ingredients for baking cookies and milk!” Ruby replied, beaming.

Weiss stared at her, trying to see if that was a joke, before she realized she was completely serious. “So you've been working all this time, for cookies?”

Ruby nodded. “If I need Shinies—that's our version of the Uroch, by the way—I just go on hunts and take cash than food.”

“How is this even legal?”

“The same way any other contract would in the human world: via the agreement of two mutually consenting parties!” Penny chimed in.

“… So you've just been surviving on cookies and milk all this time?”

“Not JUST cookies and milk!” Ruby replied. “There's vegetables, fruit, meat, and restaurant food. But mostly, yeah, cookies and milk for every meal since I was like a year old.”

Weiss paused. “… How are you still alive? Seriously, how?”

Ruby shrugged. “Same reason my mom, her mom, and her mom, and every other Keeper stretching back to Gabija did, I guess! It's her recipe, by the way; completely unchanged for nearly a thousand years and still delicious!”

Weiss stared at her, before her stomach growled. “You know what, nevermind… cookies and milk it is...”

Thinking and fretting over her new living arrangements could wait until after she had gotten food in her.

#rwby #fanfic #white rose #the keeper of the grove

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that-bpd-bitch · 5 years

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The Nightmare

One of the benefits that I have found from smoking weed is that my sleeping pattern is excellent. Smoking an hour or two before going to sleep helps me knock out into a very deep sleep. I don’t remember any dreams, nor do I become restless. I do wake up tired but I prefer that to the alternative. Lately I’ve tried to go cold turkey on weed because I cannot afford it anymore but I’ve been able to get a little bit every other day from friends. Yet because of the drastic cut down and now not being able to smoke a joint before bed, I have been noticing withdrawal signs. Mainly in my sleep. I wake up every few hours, I dream vividly again but with it has come the nightmares. I haven’t been able to remember any of them for almost a year and a half now but last night was the first in a long time that I’ve woken up in a sweat.

I can only remember pieces of it now. But I can clearly picture a creature that looks more akin to a Licker from Resident Evil. Except it could walk and talk like a man, with a human skull that was yellowed, the only flesh on its head being the awful lining around its mouth. It had no eyes, only bleeding holes as if they had been gouged out. It had been a man, although I couldn’t say who it was. Only that he was psychotic yet was able to have a semblance of rationality.

He had stolen me and two other girls. Again, I don’t remember the details of the girls, only that one was much smaller and younger than I am, also a bit bitchier; then there was a larger older girl who quietly obeyed. We started in an abandoned wreckage of a train carriage that was tucked on a ledge on the side of a woodland hill. It reminded me of the banks of the River Dee near my current house. It was a strangely beautiful place but living in the carriage was this creature.

The smaller girl was in the corner on one of the bench seats, watching Him walk towards us while he was retelling a story to me and the older girl who sat beside each other on a bench in the middle of the train. As He sat down across from us I hid under the table, the sight of his head burned into my mind, but He ripped the table out of the floor, obviously angered that I was hiding. He dragged me and the older girl out of the carriage to what looked like a huge tunnel in the side of the hill. A giant sewer almost, except the smaller girl, who was pulled outside as well, gagged and remarked that it wasn’t just a sewer full of regular filth. It was as if someone had minced meat smeared all over the floor and walls, most of it was bleeding and soft.

He told us to run. All three of us were lined up at the start of this tunnel and we all obeyed. The younger girl was faster to begin with, I was equal with the larger girl.

At this point, my brain must have decided to make it comical by adding like a progress bar on the side of all three of us on this run and that distracted me enough from the ominous situation that for once in a dream, I wasn’t slower or weaker. I managed to win the race with the older girl in second. The tunnel was a dead end with a metal grate that allowed the liquid to drop down the side of the hill. The creature had followed us, climbing along the ceiling, and when He saw the younger girl had lost, He ate her. It ripped her apart and ate her piece by piece.

I can’t remember if me and the other girl ran back through the tunnel attempting to escape but somehow we ended up back in the carriage. I probably thought Stockholm Syndrome would be my best chance at getting out of this alive and I was either laughing with him or agreeing while he spoke. Either way, both me and the girl were still alive when He brought back more victims. I can only remember two men, one was black but young and quite afraid of the creature while the other was a young blonde.

We were all outside standing beside the entrance to the tunnel, when the creature walked away. When he walked out of sight I told the others that this was the time to try and escape. While the tunnel I had run through went down to the left, the right side of the tunnel was a steep angle up the hill but still covered in bleeding mince. I crawled through the thick sludge, struggling to grip the stone ridges beneath. The others had followed behind me but then suddenly, a very chipper whistle echoed through the tunnel. The blonde guy said ‘it’s Him’ and we all sank back down to the hole in the tunnel where He stood waiting for us. We all stood up outside and silently took a monologue from this beast.

There were several endings to this dream. The first that happened was the creature revealed a trap door beneath us into a rushing full sewer which we all fell into. I remember struggling to breathe and not being able to see anything, I didn’t know where any of the others were but our best chance of surviving was to hold onto each other. A hand grabbing onto yours in the darkness of a sewer is terrifying.

I don’t know if this hand was one of the victims or His. But the next thing I remember is being alone with Him. I had disappointed him the most and so I was kneeling before Him while he lined up a sword against my neck. Yet the blade was bent 90 degrees so that the corner in the middle of the blade sat against my neck. I could feel the pressure and I must have been so afraid of having my head cut off that the dream delayed it in the worst way. He swung once, cut through about a third of my throat. While there was no real pain, it sounded like a crunch, as a blunt blade shredded through human flesh. A second hit meant most of my neck was cut but it took a final third swing before I saw my headless body collapse before Him.

Almost as if I was disassociating, I remember thinking ‘would you look at that?’ as it happened, but also deciding that I didn’t want to know what He would do to my body now that I was dead. Thankfully I didn’t see it but instead I cut back to the ending where I’m falling through the sewer. Eventually it opened to a wide enough atrium that we would be able to breathe but as we fell into this pit, I saw the older girl hit the stone wall and her body just crumpled against it.

At that point I woke up. It was 6:30 in the morning and it felt like I was dying. I woke up tired and sleepy, not entirely sure how to exist at this point like a normal person but my heart was racing and I was sweating heavily.

I just needed to write it down. I needed someone else to know how afraid I am of my own mind. Maybe I need evidence for myself to convince myself to keep smoking weed. I don’t know. I just hated everything about this nightmare.

#nightmare #diary

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