#SORRY for the extended hiatus it was unintentional and everything happens so much

[elderscrollsconfessions]

Confession: Jarl Elisif is so great conceptually and I wish they did more with her, she's inexperienced, she's driven by revenge, she wants her people to be happy, she is aware of Tullius's position and chafes under it, she surrenders if the Stormcloaks take Solitude despite it all, and I will never be over it (voice of somebody thoroughly surprised every time a concept isn't explored as much as it could be with several hundred hours in the Concepts Aren't Explored As Much As They Could Be Game).

#SORRY for the extended hiatus it was unintentional and everything happens so much #Jarl Elisif #Skyrim #The Elder Scrolls #TES #ESC

[marvelmadam08]

The Princess and The Nomad (15)

With your hypnosis gone and your identity fully known, you and Steve reunite and pick up right where you left off. But with The Avengers disbanded and a new danger looming in the future, what’ll keep everything from falling apart?

Summary: Spending the day with Bucky lifts your spirits, at night however your nightmares get the best of you. Both of you.

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of death, murder, nightmares and blood

A/N: So I went on a mini hiatus, completely unintentional but my emotions have been all over and my motivation was dead in the water. It really took me a while before I could get back in the right head space to write again. I’m sorry it took me so long to post again

Bucky laughed watching you getting chased by one of his goats. He hadn't told you how protective the mother was of her young, and when she caught you trying to pick one up she charged at you.

"That's not funny!" You jumped over the makeshift gate, landing on your ass. Bucky continued to laugh at the pout on your face, and couldn't fight your own amusement anymore "It's a little funny."

"Here." He reached out for your hand, you yanked him down to the ground next to you. "Playing dirty?"

"That's not playing dirty." You pinned his arm down to his chest, swinging your leg around until you sat on his torso "That's playing dirty."

Bucky tried to reach for you again, forgetting about his left arm completely. He paused, the crease in his forehead showing through before he smiled again.

"You win."

"Sorry." You rolled over to his left side, laying next to him in the grass

"S'not a problem. I forget a lot of the time." He brushed it off

"Do you miss it?"

"Not since I learned how to write with a pen in my mouth." He deadpans leaving you speechless. Out of the corner of his eye he sees how awkward he's made you and laughs again

"You're an asshole, Bucky Barnes." You jabbed his ribs playfully

"Just hoping to cheer you up."

"Mission accomplished. Thanks Buck."

"My pleasure, Princess."

The two of you laid there for a moment, watching the stars grow brighter against the dark sky.

"I've been meaning to ask you, what's Asgard like?"

“It’s beautiful, the sky goes on forever. There's nothing more beautifully chaotic, than a cosmic storm in space, picture a sunset made just of clouds and stars. And the gardens are built like mazes, great for hiding in during training.”

“Training?”

“Yup, swordsmanship. Thor wanted me to learn in the chance I would join him in battle one day.” A new waved of guilt ate at you, you hadn’t thought about your father in days

“What’s wrong?” 

You looked over to see Bucky’s concerned eyes. As much as you wanted to fake a smile for the time being you didn’t have the strength. Bucky sat and listened to you talk about how you’d been banished from Asgard again. 

“So your uncle is pretending to be your grandfather, and your grandfather is living the rest of his life here on Earth; while using the last bit of his powers to keep your power and war corrupted aunt, that no one knew existed, from escaping imprisonment?”

“Basically.” you nod “I swear my mother’s side is a lot less dramatic. Aside from meeting me of course.”

"I'm sorry you can't go back home."

"Sorry you can't either. Do you miss the good old days? That's what Steve calls them."

"Some times I do." He turned his head in the direction of two hover crafts racing each other across the sky "But everything here is far beyond what we imagined it would be back in the day."

The softness in his eyes suddenly disappeared, a hint of a tear forming in them instead.

"What's wrong?"

"Howard would've loved this. But because of me-"

"Hey, don't do that. Don't blame yourself for what Hydra did to you."

"Easier said than done." Bucky pushed himself up until he was sitting up right "I have this nightmare, I'm standing out in a field watching the sun come up, and then it's suddenly pitch black and I'm cold. I hear these voices, screaming at me, the voices of the people I killed, their last words. And then Howard and Maria are digging themselves out of their graves, coming to kill me... and I let them."

Bucky tried to wipe away the tears before you could see them but it's too late. You're sitting up on your knees, wrapping your arms around him, he's shaking trying to hold back his sobs.

"I got you Bucky." You whisper in his ear "I got you."

His arm finds its way around your waist, holding you close while he finally broke down. He buried his face into your shoulder, tears soaking through your shirt, and you held him; silently running your fingers through his slightly knotted hair.

"It's all my fault. I ruined the team. I would’ve been better off if I just died on that train.”

You feel your entire body freeze at the memory of Bucky, bleeding, wounded, and barely breathing, half buried in the snow. The Hydra solider dragging him for miles to the hidden base in the mountain. All the bruises, and cuts and of course his arm. And after, unintentionally, getting a peak at Steve’s memories you saw how guilty he felt about not being able to save his best friend, and then how relieved (and stunned) he was when he found out Bucky was still alive.

“Bucky listen to me.” you turned his face to yours “Hydra did those things, they broke the team up and they used you because they were too cowardly to do it themselves.”

“I-”

“You were manipulated, they’re a parasite that infected all of us. You are not a monster, you are not a weapon.” You wiped away the tears on his cheek “You’re just lost right now.” Bucky paused before slightly leaning into your touch while you ran your fingers through his hair once more. 

“And this just makes it more confusing for you.” You tried to move your hand away but he catches it

“I’m not confused. I don’t want to ignore how I feel about you, but you’re Steve’s girl. You keep telling me I’m not a bad person, and I’m on a date with my best friend’s girl.”

“A date?” you raised an eyebrow

“Well yeah, I- I kinda hoped it was.” he admits softly while catching his breath again

A soft thump and a few loud bleats caught both of your attention, the larger goats were rounding up the smaller ones, settling down for the evening. You stood and brushed off any grass you had on you before extending a hand to Bucky.

“How about I walk you home?” you offered

“I’m suppose to walk you home.” he tells you, kindly declining your hand and pushed himself up to his feet

“I know but, to have you walk all the way through the city, and to the palace back out to your farm seems like a lot of trouble.”

“I really don’t mind.” he offered his arm to you, and you happily wrap your hand around his large bicep “Plus I get to spend another twenty minutes with you.”

“Smooth move Barnes, smooth move.”

* * *

Steve? 

Bucky?

Anyone?

You looked around the cold dark room, feeling the walls for a door. Once your hand touched a handle a powerful electric shock ripped through your body and you fell back onto the ground. Just before you could catch your breath, you heard screaming from all around you. Sitting up, you see it, Asgard burning around you, the people running in fear, running from you.

No, I didn’t do this.

Power crackled from your hands, shooting out to strike down several people. One of them a child. 

No!

Wretched child! Odin’s voice boomed from above you. He was adorned in his gold amour, sitting on the back of a giant black steed. I was right to cast you out before, witness the chaos you have brought upon my kingdom!

No, Grandfather I didn’t do this. You have to believe me.

Daughter. Thor now stood before you, beaten and bloody.  Mjölnir was split in half at his feet. Enough of this madness. You have killed innocent people.

I didn’t... I.... You backed into something on the ground. Turning around you saw the pile of bodies behind you and drop to your knees. I’m sorry.... 

A pair of hands grab you by your ankles, yanking you to the ground and pulling you towards the growing pile of bodies. You clawed at the dirt, trying to get away, but the hands were now on your legs and climbing.

No, please! 

Rayna. Your mother knelt in front of you placing one hand on yours and the other caressed your cheek

Mother, help me. 

You killed all of us. She pried your hands from the dirt, letting the hands pull you down further

A booming crack woke you from your nightmare, a cold sweat made you shiver, and your powers had broken several things in the room, the glass windows, mirrors, and the double doors were blown halfway to pieces when Shuri and T’Challa came rushing in.

“Princess Rayna, what happened?” T’Challa, fully suited and armed, scanned the room

“I’m sorry, it was a nightmare.”

“Your vitals are all over the place.” Shuri tucked her tablet under her arm and moved closer to the bed

“Don’t! Please don’t come any closer.”

“Rayna-”

“No.” You scrambled out bed, avoiding the glass on the floor, but causing the lamp on the nightstand to explode “I shouldn’t be here.”

“Princess wait-”

You were already out the window before T’Challa could truly stop you, flying through the air over Wakanda. The power was out throughout the city, making you feel only worse. Sleep was going to be nonexistent for the next few days. There were tears in your eyes when you reached the ground, stumbling into a landing in front of Bucky’s hut.

He was at the door before you could even reach it, he knew something was wrong, seeing the tears in your eyes only confirmed it.

“What’s wrong? You’re shaking.”

“I know I probably shouldn’t be here.” You sniffled “But can I stay here tonight?”

“Of course Princess.”

#Steve Rogers #marvel #Bucky Barnes #tchalla #shuri udaku #Wakanda #tony stark #Knives Out #Sebastian Stan #Chris Evans #fantastic four #Excelsior #thor #angst #new year

[ask-jungshook]

can i be real for a sec?? you are so amazing and im about to cry bc you're everything i wish i was. ppl love your art so much and your angst and you're so talented. you are so so talented. ok im sorry i just needed this off my chest

// OMG NOOOOOO NONNY PLEASE DON’T CRY!

For me, my ‘talent’ is probably an accumulation of ‘natural’ talent (basically your base stats in gaming terms lol), motivation, experience, practice, and personal drive.

So to get a general sense of where I’m coming from, let me tell you a story of a YOUNG DISSU and how her ‘talent’ developed. (aka my art journey LOL)

So let’s started!

Base Stats

When I first got into drawing (this was around middle school, so I was around 12 years old????), my base stat for drawing was probably a 1 out of 10 –  pretty horrible tbh because all I did was just to try and replicate my favorite mangas characters as they were drawn. (At the time I think it was Yu Yu Hakusho LMFAO). If I were to make an analogy or any type of comparison, let’s just say, my stick figures had better proportions than my actual drawings but I digress. But as much as I drew poorly, I found myself loving drawing and loving art because it was an outlet for me to relieve stress. (But looking back oh boy was I a hardcore weeaboo haha) This period of time was the time where I gave no shits if I drew poorly, I drew because I had fun and that was pretty much it. (So there was like pretty much 0 improvement since I didn’t really bother to learn anything technique-wise) 

Motivation & Practice

Around high school was when I first started digital art (I around age 16 at this time) and this was the time period when DeviantArt was the ‘go to’ place to post drawings and literature. (pretty sure tumblr and twitter didn’t exist back then and facebook like just became a thing lol) Avatar sites like gaiaonline were also super popular and filled with a bunch of talented artists. I remember distinctly being like ‘holy shit these people are so good and so talented and thinking that I could never surmount to anything like that’. But at the same time, another part of me was like AWE INSPIRED of their talent and would like obsessively see if they had any tutorials on drawing. So while yes, there was a portion of me that wanted to be like my art idols and draw the way they did, at the same time, I kinda knew in my head that that was impossible? (But it didn’t stop me from trying to emulate them) 

So while I kept on drawing because it was fun and I liked it as a hobby– BUT this time, I had people to look up to in terms of the ‘I want to draw like you’ aspect of it. They were my art idols and pretty much everything I wanted to be from an art standpoint hahaha. But those artists were my main source of motivation for wanting to improve throughout high school. So this was the period of time that other people’s art lead to me wanting to develop a better style and to improve my technique. (I drew a lot, but never really finished anything major because I was really impatient back then, but my style was HEAVILY impacted by my art idols lol – VERY VERY GRAPHIC NOVELY/DATING SIM-ESQUE)

Experience & Personal Drive

I think in recent years, I did a lot of growing not only as an artist but as a person. One thing to note about growth and  improvement is that seeing improvement/seeing growth does not happen overnight, and I took many art hiatuses during high school and most of college simply because I didn’t have time due to my course load. So after cycling through various styles, my art kinda just stagnated for a long time. At that time, it was a bit disheartening and frustrating for me, because at that point I drew for like 6 years and made like small baby steps. (I had a variety of styles, but I never really had the solid groundwork of like anatomy, how clothing works, or color theory.) So it did put a hamper down on my motivation to draw back then– simply because I didn’t think I was improving as fast as other people – which in retrospect, was mistake number one.

I also went through a pretty bad battle with depression while I was in college that ebbed down a bit, then resurfaced after I graduated (this was roughly a 3 yr span), which hindered a lot of my art growth substantially as well  because my mentality simply wasn’t there. (Music and art hold emotional ties for me, so whenever I’m depressed, everything relating to the creative side of me goes to shit and I will have 0 motivation to draw and basically just sleep all day.)

But to be brutally honest, this is where personal drive comes in. There was one day where I just had full blown out sit down with myself where I basically told myself that I was so sick of being sad all the time, so tired of just being tired, so sick of hating myself– and that I missed being happy and that I missed that sense of joy. So what did I do? I pushed myself and forced myself out of my bubble in an effort to crawl out of that pit that is depression. But one of the things that helped me the most was reconnecting with a bunch of art friends that I met online in high school on one of those avatar sites. I’m a lot stronger of a person mentally thanks to them. :) And with the help of my friends, I basically began my journey of a 360 degree change– my friends, music, art and the past depressed me were all sources of motivation for me to fight to win that mental battle against myself. (One of the things I did was delete all my social media and just start over– that way it’s easy to filter out unwanted things if you start with a blank slate. I also bought my dog around this time which helped my mentality exponentially.)

Getting started was probably the hardest part, because depression is a cycle of ups and downs– but in order to break free, YOU have to be the one to initiate change and stick to making it happen no matter how uncomfortable you may be. I understand that not everyone can be like me and resolve to do everything yourself. Some people need therapy, and some people need medication and that’s fine because as humans, we’re all different in how we cope with things. In my case, it was all about mental fortitude and my own will power. For me personally, I extended my art hiatus and took several more months off of art and just solely focused on myself and my mental health more than anything. I did a lot of soul searching during this time. Ironically, I think my main motivation for crawling out of that hell hole was just hating how much I hated being sad all the time because that’s just a place that I would never want to go back to.

And even now, it’s still a lot of self exploring of what I want for myself and understanding myself. I’m a person with many layers of personality (like an onion!) – and I’m still learning how to embrace all of those layers (even the bad ones) because in the end, your layers combined are what makes you who you are. If you try to reject a part of any layer, that’s pretty much you trying to reject a part of you– which may lead to or cause a lot of internal turmoil. (On a not so serious note, I realize this ‘layer’ thing was a totally unintentional analogy taken from Shrek, imsosorry lol)

And I just realized I took a HUGE tangent, but going back to the experience and personal drive, I think it was some time around 2016 and going into 2017 when I officially made it to be one of my goals for the new year as to get ‘better’ at art. At this point, I had like 10 years of ‘experience’ in digital art (probably a lot less if you factor in my hiatuses but I digress lol), so based off of those past experiences, I know what I’m good at and what needs improvement. (so I know where my groundwork is lacking and what I should focus on) From a mental perspective, I also understand myself more in the sense that I knew what caused mental stress on me, which in turn allows me to not put myself in uncomfortable positions mentally. At the same time, understanding myself has also allowed me to know my limits and understand how much I can push myself.

But more importantly (from an art standpoint), I’ve learned to take a lot of inspiration from other artists and a lot of art friends instead of wanting to have their style of drawing. I think it was important to me to realize and recognize that I will probably never draw like some of them (because they have a lot more experience than me), and that that should be taken as a positive thing because my art should reflect who I am. So remember that onion I was talking about? All the people I look up to and all the people who I’ve befriended through art also play a HUGE role in my many layers because without them, I personally wouldn’t have that personal drive to learn and get better. So def find something that motivates you to be a better version of yourself! (For me it’s music, books, and other people’s art!)

So going back to my main point of talent:

Don’t think of someone else’s talent as something you should replicate. Because honestly speaking, you can’t, since you literally are a different person– and no two people are the same. (Nor are two onions the same)  Instead– take an opportunity to view it as a source of motivation and inspiration to grow and foster your own talent and your own personal growth. Because talent is something you CAN cultivate into something beautiful given time and patience. (Related note: I wrote like an essay in my meet the artist link about my thoughts regarding art and improvement and about comparing yourself to other artists– dunno if that’ll help, but feel free to check it out here lol)  

It took me 12 years for my art to evolve to what it is now (I’m 24 now), and I still think I have a lot more room to grow because there was so much I missed out on when I first started out. So while yes, I would consider myself as ‘talented’, there were so many things that have attributed to and molded my base ‘talent’ from when I was 12  to what is it now. And beauty is, is that that everyone’s base stats are different– heck there are people HALF my age who draw better than I do now and that’s amazing! (Also don’t let someone’s age be a reason to put yourself down either! I personally find young artists super inspiring :’))

But honestly, the most important thing is that in the end, art should be about yourself! As I mentioned before, art and music are linked to me emotionally, so happiness is the main thing that I want my art to bring to me. You shouldn’t do things for the sake of others (like getting notes/being popular), you should do it because it makes you happy. (Because if you’re doing things for others, you’re literally putting your own happiness in the hands of other people– and it shouldn’t be that way) For me, drawing makes me happy because I like to see my progression over the years as well as that sense of accomplishment once you finish a piece.

I’m so sorry that this turned into a really long essay/rambling about my life (i tried to keep it as short as possible, but it still ended up long af weeps), but I just felt the need the type this because I’ve been in a similar position as you before. (When I first read this ask I had like a lot of mixed emotions because I was like yes, it’s a compliment, but at the same time, why do I feel really sad? lol so yeah … sorry about the wall of text)

So don’t wish you were me! LOL :’D (lol trust me bc I am far from perfect) Instead, embrace yourself, (& to paraphrase the chorus of Cypher 4)  know yourself, and most importantly, love yourself because you are ALSO a blooming talent in the garden that is life. 

:) So what I really want to see is the phrase of “you’re everything i wish i was“ turn into something like, “thanks for inspiring me to improve” or something along those lines.

As artists, we all learn off from each other. And personally, I would be honored to be some sort of inspiration to you – but as I said before, please don’t think that you’re any less than me or think negatively about yourself because you are amazing and talented in your own right! :’) And if it helps, I’ll be rooting for you to continue cultivating your own ‘talent’ into something even more spectacular! Nonny HWAITING!

Also if you ever want to talk, feel free to message me! (I hope I don’t come off as intimidating, I’m just very scatterbrained and get distracted easily lol i also apologize for any spelling mistakes in this because im too lazy to proofread lol)

#// unshook #// admin faq #// nonasks #// sorry i wrote a book lol #// but this is kinda important to me? #// @___@ unless if I'm interpreting this ask wrong lol if thats the case im sorry #// but i just wanted to put it out there #// that talent is made up by A LOT of factors #// my talent now vs what I had when i started are completely different #// so think of it as us being in different stages in our art journey :D #// keep on growing and striving to improve #// but remember to be happy too! #// i'll leave this off with what I try to live my life by- be hungry be humble but most importantly be happy #// also sorry if not everything makes sense #// i woke up sick today so im like trying not to die right now #// as snot keeps on dripping down from my nose lol #// my thoughts are rlly muddy right now lol #// ahhhhhhhhh i hope that whatever i typed makes some sort of sense #// watch me wake up tomorrow and be like dissu wtf did u type lol #// art faq