#MAYHAPS. I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THE APPEAL. OF CAR GO FAST

[soldier-poet-king]

Things I used to hate and/or fear: driving at high speeds, working out esp lifting

Things currently keeping me sane: scream-singing alone in the car on the highway going fast, strenuous physical activity until every single piece of my body hurts and I'm too physically exhausted for my brain to overthink

#MAYHAPS. I AM BEGINNING TO UNDERSTAND THE APPEAL. OF CAR GO FAST #once again ronan lynch was right. #i hate hate hate hate city driving #but the highway was empty today and it was glorious? #and sometimes u gotta speed just a lil and scream #and then!!! did i overdo it at the gym #since it was my first time back in like 1.5months bc injury flare up and sadness #u bet i did! but my brain has stopped screaming for the first time all week :) #and im no longer convinced im a monster and deserve to be put down :) #so yeah ill pay for it with physical pain thats fine. it's easier to bear #AND im gonna redo my nails #have to have insane bright nails and lipstick #but be v buff. gnc wardrobe. square body. short hair. round face. #i am to confuse others and please myself. aesthetically at least #still refusing to eat but my brain has refused food all week #its a major signal that brain is bad! and so ive been forcing myself to eat safe boring food #its horrible and disgusting but yknow. gotta keep the stupid flesh sack going #ANYWAY i am morphing into a frat boy a littke. but like slightly to the left. video games and booze and fast car and gym gym gym