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noladyme · 4 years

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Chess. Chapter 13

Y/N never hurt anyone who didn’t deserve it. She only took what she needed, or what she felt others needed. She’d stayed out of sight for a long time, avoiding anything that could get her in to too much trouble. But for some reason Rick Flag shows up in her life, and in an instant, everything changes.

TW: Language, sexual themes, violence, torture. Rated M

(This story is obviously non-canon, i.e. Diablo and GQ, but I hope you’ll enjoy it either way. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list.)

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Let me start this off with a disclaimer: This chapter does not have Rick appearing. He will be back, but due to length and flow I needed to cut off the chapter where I did. Sorry. I hope you’ll enjoy reading it anyway

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I was lounging on a love seat in the large house the Joker had taken us to; pretending to read a magazine Harley had offered me.

Frost had shown up at the house about 30 minutes after us, with a bump on his head, and a sneer plastered across his face. He insisted that the squad were gone by the time he came too.

The house was just as ghastly as the car had been; with bear skin rugs and clashing patterns on all the furniture. There was no doubt that 99% of it was stolen.

Playing a weird game of tag, Harley and the Joker were chasing each other throughout the house; squealing and growling at each other, each time one of them managed to catch the opponent.

I was thinking something fiercely.

I’d followed Harley and her psycho boyfriend into the Palisades, without any idea of what my next move should be.

Throwing herself into the seat next to me, Harley was laughing; out of breath.

“J is getting me a new puppy”, she giggled. “Those stupid animal rights activists took back my last one, when I was sent back to Louisiana”.

“What’s the plan here, Harley”, I asked.

“I dunno. It’s your turn to think of something”, she answered trustingly.

I sighed.

“I need to make sure Kelper doesn’t make it to congress”, I said.

“Revenge?”, she asked.

“No”, I answered. “There are enough shitheads in office as it is – look at the main guy in charge! We don’t need another one”. I crossed my arms. “Also a little bit of revenge, yeah”, I admitted.

“Yeah that judge does seem like a dick”, Harley muttered.

“No”, I said. “This is about Waller. She has enough power as it is. She doesn’t need to be able to keep hunting people like us down, and force us to do things we don’t want to. Even if we are bad guys”.

She grabbed my face between her hands.

“I’m with you”, she said, and kissed my forehead with a loud smack. “Tell me what to do!”.

I beamed at her. She was a good friend. Even if she was bat shit crazy.

“I need to be able to prove the connection between mr. J and Kelper”, I said; and looked down at my feet. “That does mean, that J won’t be able to use him for protection from the cops anymore”.

Harley was biting her lip.

“Huh”, she said. “He ain’t gonna like that”.

“I know”, I replied. “But we need him to”.

“Harley!”, the Joker called from somewhere. “Come out, come out wherever you are!”.

Harley sighed, then looked into my eyes, and nodded.

“Marco!”, Joker called from the kitchen.

“Polo!”, Harley answered, still looking at me; then grinned, and sprang from the couch to hide from the clown.

—

“Chess has a live bomb in her bag”, Harley said conversationally during breakfast.

I instantly froze; mouth agape – prepared to feel my throat being slit at any moment.

“Oh?”, the Joker said, gazing up from over the newspaper he’d been reading – well, not so much newspaper as comic book. “That’s nice, dear”. He looked back down.

Harley – curlers in her hair, and wearing a pink fluffy bathrobe – continued.

“Yup. It’s a pretty nasty one too”. She returned to her marshmallow cereal.

Joker put down his comic book and looked at her.

“Is there something you’d like to say, toots? Something I need to know?”.

I was shaking in my seat; and I gently put down the golden rimmed porcelain cup of coffee in my hand.

“Uhm, Harley. I don’t think this is the time…”.

“Please, Chess”, Joker said to me, lowering his old-fashioned reading glasses. “In this house everyone can say whatever they want, whenever they want. We mustn’t stifle others expressions”.

I nodded fiercely.

“A-absolutely, yes. Of course. I’m sorry”, I stammered.

He quickly reached across the table, and grabbed my hand, putting it between his own.

“I could tell you meant that”, he grinned.

Letting go of my hand, he turned to face Harley again.

“Now where were we, doll? Chess has a bomb in her bag?”, he said calmly.

Harley swallowed some of her orange juice.

“Yeah. It’s a black box, with a little display on it. Pre-set to 1 minute”.

“That sounds fun”, Joker said cheerfully. “What’s it for?”.

Harley got up from her seat, and went to stand behind her beloved madman; massaging his shoulders and neck, making him close his eyes and groan in pleasure. She slid her hands down his shoulders under the flowered kimono he was wearing.

“You know that mean lady, who’s been putting me in that bad place?”. Joker grunted in response. “Well those friends in high places Jerry was moaning about? That’s her”.

The Joker opened his eyes, and looked over his shoulder at her.

“Kelper’s friends with the witch?”, he asked.

Harley went to sit on his lap, and laced her fingers behind his neck.

“No, not the witch; the bitch. The witch is dead”, she said.

“Right, right”, Joker answered. “So?”.

“Well”, Harley continued, “the bitch gave Chess the bomb to blow you up; so you’d stop asking Kelper for favors”.

The clown looked at me, brows – or lack thereof – furrowing.

“You were going to blow me up?”.

I jumped in my seat.

“Oh, no. Absolutely not. Once I knew who you were…”. Harley interrupted me.

“Puddin’, Chess would never do anything like that. We were coming to tell you about the bomb; but then that stupid judge was there, and Chess got all upset, because she really hates his guts”. She kissed his forehead. “We plain old forgot!”.

Joker groaned.

“I spent a lot of money on Kelper. We had a lot of parties”.

“A lot of parties”, Harley nodded, backing him up. “So, maybe… we should do something about it”.

“Oh, snuggle-tits. I need the judge for my business”, Joker said, and looked adoringly at her.

My heartbeat was calming down, and I could think more clearly. I took a small sip of my coffee.

“Mr. J”, I began. “You probably know that I used to work for the Hatter”.

The Joker guffawed and snarled all at once.

“That idiot”.

“Yeah, well”, I continued, “I could work for you, like I did for him. Getting you information, money…”.

“I have money”, he interrupted.

“A new Lamborghini?”, I tried.

His eyes lit up.

“I’m listening”.

I sat up straight. Here we go.

“Kelper is pulling out of your arrangement. He’s even gone so far as getting someone to try to kill you”.

“Well that happens at least once a week”, he said, and shook his head. Harley stroked her fingers through his green hair.

“There’s that girl”, she said, and looked at me.

“What girl?”, Joker asked.

“Well”, Harley continued, “Kelper did some pretty nasty things to a girl who used to work at that place… what was it called?”.

“Sammy’s”, I answered. “It’s a burlesque club in the Narrows”.

I casually took another sip of my coffee, that at this point had gone cold. My face contorted from the taste.

Joker looked at me with narrowed eyes.

I continued.

“About a year and a half ago, Kelper raped and beat an 18 year old girl that worked there”, I said. “She’s still suffering from the attack”.

He patted Harleys thigh to get her to get of his lap.

“Jonny!”, he called, getting to his feet himself.

Frost came into the dining room.

“Yeah, boss?”.

“We own the Narrows, don’t we?”, he asked, and walked slowly towards his minion.

“Yeah, for about 2 years now”, Frost answered, not meeting his eyes.

“And do you know about a bar named Sally’s?”.

“Sammy’s, yeah it’s a stripjoint”, Frost said.

“Burlesque club”, Harley whispered into Jokers ear.

“Burlesque club, Jonny”, Joker said, and grabbed the back of Frosts head. “There is a big difference”. Patting Frosts cheek, he went to sit down again.

“So Sammy’s have been paying their dues, have they not?”.

“Never missed a pay-date”, Frost retorted.

Joker – now sitting down – slammed both his fists into the table, making us all jump.

“Then would you mind telling me, why one of the young ladies working there, was attacked and raped; while she was supposed to be under our protection?”, he yelled; his slicked back hair now disheveled, and falling into his face.

“This doesn’t look good, Jonny! This makes me look bad!”, he shouted.

“I know, boss”, Frost tried. “But it was Kelper, and you told us to stay clear of him”.

Joker jumped out of his chair, and threw it at Frost; only narrowly missing the man.

“Get out. Find Kelper. Bring him to me!”, he growled. “And get Chess new hot cup of coffee. That cold stuff is a disgrace”.

Frost rushed a fresh cup of coffee to me, and ran out the door; already on his phone, yelling at someone.

The Joker found a new chair, and pulled it up to his place at the table. He smoothed his hair back down, and exhaled.

Harley went to stand behind him, and put a hand on his shoulder.

He grabbed my hand like he had before, and looked at me seriously.

“Now”, he said. “Chess. Chessie. My dear. Thank you for making me aware of this problem in my organization. Am I also to understand that you were the one to punish Jer-Jer after his misdeed with the young woman?”.

I smiled brightly, doing my best to seem cheerful.

“That was me, alright!”.

Joker grined.

“Well, when you think about it, you did our job for us!”, he smiled widely. “So I owe you. You came in to this house a stranger; but now – you’re family”.

Harley squealed, and jumped up and down, clapping her hands.

Great. I wasn’t only the clowns newest pet and employee; I was apparently family.

Shit.

“I still want that Lamborghini”, Joker finished, and went to get dressed.

—

We drove to a building not far from the one we had been at the night before.

“Puddin’ you know this means you can’t work with Kelper no more, right?”, Harley said, as we were getting out of the car.

“Yes, yes, squishy-butt, I know”, he answered. “This is going to be fun!”, he snickered, and put his arm around her waist.

I followed them into the building, and down into a basement. In the middle of the dark room sat Kelper, handcuffed to a chair. A single lightbulb was lit above him.

Masked henchmen were spread around the room, covering the exits.

“Jerry!”, Joker said, arms spread into the air as we entered. “Thank you so much for being able to reschedule our meeting. I’m so, so happy you agreed to this location”.

The judge was gagged, had a black eye, and there was already a wet stain under the chair from where he had urinated his pants.

Harley jumped onto a table near the scene, and crossing her legs; she began to file her nails.

I stayed in the shadows; out of Kelpers line of sight.

The clown went to stand in front of his victim, putting a hand on each of his knees, coming down to eyelevel with him. He wrinkled his nose.

“Jer-Jer. Were you that excited to see me?”, he asked. He removed Kelpers mouth gag.

“P-please; Mr. Joker. I don’t know what this is about!”, he stammered.

“This, my friend”, Joker said, “is about your plans for your political future!”.

Frost appeared from the shadows with a chair, that Joker pulled up in front of Kelper. He sat down.

“It’s recently come to my attention that you’ve decided to run for congress”.

“Yes, mr. Joker. I was the one that told you about it myself”, Kelper said.

Joker smacked him across the face, and then pointed a finger at him.

“It’s rude to interrupt!”, he roared.

“Yes, of course. I’m sorry”, Kelper said.

Joker smiled.

“I take a great interest in politics, as you know. I’m even the governor of my own little corner of Gotham. And I find it’s very important to make sure that the people I govern feel safe”.

Kelper nodded.

“Good! So you know where I’m coming from”, the clown continued. “Then I come to hear that someone decided to cause problems in my little paradise. Apparently, a very silly man decided to pay a visit to a burlesque club, and play a little too roughly with one of the lovely dancers there”.

I saw Kelpers eyes widen in fear.

“I didn’t know that would be an issue for you, I swear!”.

The Joker patted his cheek gently.

“Well it is”, he half whispered.

Jumping from the chair, he ran to sit down next to Harley.

“Hi, sugar lips”, he said; and put his arm around her, before calling out.

“Chess!”.

I stepped out of the shadows, and pulled down my hood. Kelper looked at me, recognizing me from the meeting the day before.

“Miss, I don’t know what he’s paying you, but I’ll match and double it!”, he tried desperately.

I sat down in front of him.

“You smell like piss”, I said. He gulped. I sighed. “So this is not going to be fun for you. At all”.

His facial expression changed.

“Do your best, bitch. I’ve been through worse!”.

“Oh?”, I asked. The judge was about to spit in my face, but didn’t have the chance to do so, before I headbutted him.

I rubbed my forehead. That hurt, I thought, but cheered up, when I saw that I had obviously broken his nose.

Joker and Harley roared with laughter from the table.

“So, you’ve had it worse, huh?”, I asked.

He ground his teeth, and nodded.

I smiled and slowly began disappearing into a mist.

Kelpers facial expression immediately changed from prideful to pure fear. He began jumping in the chair, screaming; and managed to fall over; landing in his own wet pool.

“Ew”, Harley said from next to a gleeful Joker.

“Sshh, Harls’. I’m watching this”, he said.

Frost pulled Kelper back into a seated position.

“Get the camera”, I said to him, reappearing in my seat.

I clenched my fist, letting my claws come out.

“I heard you’re going to have some reconstructive surgery, your honor”, I said, looking down at my claws. “Jonny here could find me a pair of rocks, and I could do the deed for you. It’s only polite, seeing as I’m the one to blame for your whole ordeal in the first place…”.

Kelper began crying.

“No, no. Please. I’ll do whatever you want. I will!”, he sobbed.

Frost came in to the light, two plum-sized rocks in one hand, and a smartphone in the other. I took the items into my hands.

“Ok. Now, you can chose one of these gifts; and I won’t take no for an answer!”, I beamed. “Either you chose to let me help you make a nice little video, where you tell the world about your rape and beating of that young woman 18 months ago – along with an account of your dealings with criminal organizations in Gotham. That will make your family really proud of you, and you’ll instantly feel better about your misdeeds. Or…”.

I showed him the two rocks.

“… you let me help you by filling that empty sack of yours”.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Joker and Harley both leaning in to hear his answer.

Kelper sobbed, and a bloody glob of snot ran out of his broken nose.

“The video. I’ll do the video”.

“Boring”, Joker snarled quietly, and Harley patted his leg soothingly.

I pulled out the phone.

“Don’t worry Jerry. This will be over in no time”. I started filming. “Action”.

Kelper opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“Look into the camera. Say your name”, I whispered.

He looked into the lens, and began.

“My name is Jeremiah Kelper. I am a judge in Gotham city”. He paused, and I kicked his shin.

“And”, he yelped, “18 months ago, I raped and beat a young woman I was giving a ride home in my limousine”. He sobbed. “I then… let two of my friends rape her, while I watched”.

I was struggling not to run my claws through his heart.

“Continue”, I hissed. Kelper did as asked.

“I have also been receiving payoffs from the crime lord known as the Joker”.

“That’s me!”, the Joker said, and jumped into frame; giving Kelper a wet kiss on the cheek. “We’ve been the best of friends, for a long, long time”, he said, and patted Kelpers shoulder.

“Isn’t this enough?”, Kelper cried.

“Apologise!”, I growled.

“Yes!”, Joker exclaimed. “And tell them that you’ve been a bad, bad boy. Say; I’m Jerry, and I’m a bad, bad boy!”.

Kelper sobbed again.

“I’m so sorry. I’ve abused my office, and I’ve hurt a young woman who didn’t deserve it”.

“No one deserves what you did to her!”, I snarled.

“No, no one deserves that”, he admitted.

“Bad boy!”, Harley yelled from her table, making Kelper jump in his seat.

“I’m Jerry, and I’m a bad, bad boy”, he finished.

“Cut! Scene! Print!”, Joker called, and gave the judge a hard slap on the back. “Good job, Jer-jer! This is one for the books!”.

I put the phone in the bag with the bomb I was still carrying. It was over.

—

A loud crash was heard. While we had been filming, the room had been almost cleared of Jokers minions, as they’d disappeared into the shadows.

The lights went out, and I felt a gush of wind over my head.

“No!”, Joker shouted.

A hard punch to my shoulder made me fall to the floor, and I dropped the bag, accidentally kicked it; and watched it slide into the darkness somewhere.

Panicking, I scrambled to find it, my shoulder pulsing with pain.

A gunshot was heard, followed by the sound of Harleys shriek, as she was thrown across the floor.

I got on my feet, and ran in the direction of where I thought the bag might be.

Someone grabbed my arm, holding me in place.

“Leave it”, a gravelly voice said. “Keep your head down”.

Shit…

Tag list:

@gloriousgam3r

@hyp-oh-critical

#rick flag #rick flag x reader #suicide squad fic #suicide squad imagine #harley quinn #the joker

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latitudelongitudegratitudein · 7 years

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M.A.S.H at 27

M.A.S.H.

Mansion, Apartment, Shack and House

I don’t know any decent millennial that didn’t play MASH growing up, who wouldn’t want to predict their future on a piece of paper? In Mexico (I am a born and raised Mexican), we’d switch the apartment for a trash can because that can actually happen back home–but hey! It can happen here too, just substitute the trash can for a camping tent for two in your friendliest neighborhood, Skid Row. I remember one of the five times I’ve shit myself was when I wandered around Downtown LA in the company of me, myself and my shadow and ended up in Skid Row with 2% battery life on my phone. But, that’s a story for another day.

Back to Mexican MASH. You could end up living in a trash can, so the stakes were high as fuck. I mean we were talking about our future! Playing MASH, you find out who will you marry, the number of babies you’re gonna pop out, the kind of car you will drive, the pets you will have, and your job. Most importantly (drum roll please), the age you will be by the time you amass all those goodies. That number was everything–mine was 24. ALWAYS. I had that number engraved in my brain (finger and uterus), I was going to be happily married by 24, live in a mansion, drive a Lamborghini Diablo (yeah whatever, I was 10 years old, don’t judge me), have 7 kids, 10 dogs, be a vet/model, have the most handsome husband, and a big fucking rock on my finger to prove it. Everything by 24 because M.A.S.H said so.

Introducing Mr. and Mrs…insert record scratch. Nope that didn’t happen. I am 27 and have reached the point that the idea that I haven’t found the love of my life yet doesn’t traumatize me anymore. (I was severely traumatized, I’m talking pre-marital PTSD, as in started having panic attacks at 23 because I KNEW I had failed and would end up alone with 25 alley cats. I fucking hate cats) I wish I could time travel and tell my 20 year-old self “relax bitch” or even better, tell my 9 year old self, who is probably alive right now in some parallel universe, that MASH doesn’t mean anything. Being married at 24 doesn’t equal success and that I’d put my index finger over my luscious, prepubescent lips and tell her “hush my child”, you don’t have to worry. (If the butterfly effect is real, I may be saving her a lot of trouble).

I also remember I thinking that MASH was a commitment that I made to myself–a promise. If you know me, you know I keep all my promises. I promised I would walk down the aisle, filthy rich and happily ever after at 24. Period.

Growing up, I remember constantly thinking about being 24, I knew that in 2014 I would cross a magical threshold that would lead me straight to happiness, hand in hand with my Leonardo DiCaprio look alike husband. (That has changed too. I’m now looking for Ben Dalhaus’ doppelgänger).

In middle school and high school, I noticed my friends had superpowers, they could find boyfriends anywhere and for some reason I just didn’t. My superpower was being unboyfriendable. They were like Wonder Woman (secretly dating Superman) and I was like Catwoman doomed to remain in the shadows. (Fuck there go those cats again).

In my mind, I thought it was because I was not pretty and there was something wrong with me (The real reason being I never gave anyone a real chance and I was to busy making out with tons of boys to prove myself I wasn’t ugly. Don’t get me wrong I did it because that was super fun too). Those days turned me into the amazing kisser that I am today.

Sidebar: It’s funny how I see pictures of me at 14 and think, “ Nope you weren’t that bad. It was just the horrors of puberty passing by and there is nothing that a hairstylist and wax strip wouldn’t have fixed”. Mind you I slicked my hair back with shit tons of gel just like Michael Corleone from the Godfather (it was a thing at my school ‘kay).

See below a picture of me at and Lorenza at 13.

“ My glorious days as a member of the Corleone-Kahlo clan.”

10 years later, all “grown-up” playing with fireworks. Te amo Lorenz

I eventually took matters into my own hands when my mom told me I was too young to wax my eyebrows. She’d only let me wax my uni-brow. Yep, as a proud descendant of Frida Kahlo. By taking matters in my own hands I mean freeze framing on Elisha Cuthbert while watching The Girl Next Door and copying her eyebrow shape (just a piece of advice if you are a Latina and your eyebrows are bushy as fuck don’t go copying porn star eyebrows). Really you should just imagine Bert from Sesame Street shooting for Jessica Rabbit’s eyebrows. Not good. I managed to have shaped eyebrows–squares are a shape right?

So yeah the years went and I left my days as a member of the Corleone Clan behind by high school my hair style and eyebrows recovered.

One day at 18, I felt a little better about myself and actually thought “okay maybe I can land someone”. I tried to be open to meeting someone but no one really came. It’s as if I left the bread crumbs for the guy to find me and he decided he was going no carb. I mean boys came, but not looking for something serious. I guess those were the vibes I put out, but deep down I just wanted to be asked out on a nice date, and not lured onto the dance floor for a make out sesh.

At some point I asked one of my best friends with superpowers if she thought I’d be single forever. She didn’t so but explained that nightclubs weren’t the best place to meet the kind of boys I wanted to date. That always stuck with me.

I began to understand how the clubbing scene wasn’t such an ideal place to meet someone. It’s a hub of predators ready to pounce on their prey. Let me clarify by saying that I don’t think wanting to “get some” at a club makes you a bad person (coming from the biggest predator I know), it makes you a visibly horny person. So “aha” moment–meet boys in other places.

Days as a young 20 year-old predator. Very proud of my fake ID and my almost exposed private parts.

Ever since then, I thought I’d meet him at a museum, frolicking at the beach, or maybe at the library (but that would mean I’d have to physically get my books instead of using The Prime). Honestly, most guys I’ve seen in public libraries either look like they just pissed their pants, are part of a gang or are serial masturbators. (Look at me judging a book by its cover…I know, I know, I’m being superficial. I’m working on my flaws). However, I do spend a lot of time at Barnes and Noble fantasizing about some guy walking up to me and striking up a conversation about the book I’m reading. Afterwards, he pins me against the bookshelves and kisses me senseless.

In all my fantasies, the guys had to HURRY THE FUCK up because I needed my ring by 24. I was held hostage by the 10 pieces of paper I saved in my third grade pencil case that read M.A.S.H.

I had another dream where a guy would show up at my door professing his love for me, but I was usually awakened by Carl asking me if I’d ordered the thin crust Hawaiian pizza from Domino’s. He is the most stable relationship I’ve had in my life and I am totally okay with that.

Enough about my fantasies and Carl (he’s mine, so don’t think about luring him to your door with an order). My point is that throughout my early 20’s I felt like the guy who ended up with me would think his luck was mediocre at best, and I that should consider myself lucky that someone would actually see some value in me. But I held on to what MASH said–that I would have my huge ass mansion and shiny things. MASH kept me distracted from focusing on myself and my non-existent self-esteem (it’s kinda sad but true). I don’t believe that anymore and I am okay with being alone because I have the privilege of my own company and newsflash I am fun as fuck.

By 27:

* I am nowhere near having a rock adorn my finger that’s okay. For the longest time I tortured myself thinking I would end up alone because there was something fundamentally wrong with me. I kept blaming myself for not being pretty enough or good enough to have a boyfriend. But, that isn't true. It took a lot of work and I changed the perception about me. Im capable of many things, there isn't anything wrong with me and I am at peace.

* The asshole depression that stole my personality and started creeping on me at 23 (aka panic attacks) is finally gone. I am not scared anymore. The panic attacks no longer seize control of my mind or my body.

* Now I see that meeting the love of your life isn’t all there is to life. Loving yourself and your life is vital to your happiness.

* I don’t get frustrated when I see all my friends getting engaged, pregnant, or married. (Not that in the past I wasn’t fucking stoked to see my friends walk down the aisle, but there were moments when I felt like “ Omg. Catwoman, you have failed, what if it’s the same story from high school played over and over again? Everyone gets married while I get drunk and make out with their younger cousins in the bathroom” Yeah it sounds amazing but after a certain age a hot mess isn’t cute anymore. There’s an expiration date for that shit). I’m getting rid of my Catwoman costume (burn baby burn).

* Turns out 27 was the magic number after all. Three years after the deadline I break a lifelong promise to my 9-year-old self and I couldn’t be freer. I can see that I am a keeper and he will come when the time is right (I believe that to be true and not just a generic line people say to sound hopeful). I used to be super bitter about it. Today, I can only work on becoming a better person.

I am actually grateful for everything I have been through because it has taught me a lot about myself and now I know I am wiser and I will choose better things for me; Including a stable relationship with a nice bro ( Sorry Carl, it’s not you, it’s me)

Funny enough the definition of Mash is:

Reducing (Something) to a uniform mass by crushing it. Thanks Wikipedia. Yeah, I got owned and crushed by it.

So yeah, I recently ripped all the M.A.S.H’s I had saved for 16 years to pieces (I save everything and no I won’t have a separate entry for compulsive hoarding). I tore MASH a new one. And with that a new meaning came to light…

M.A.S.H. is just B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T

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underabr0kensky · 6 years

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150 random questions (for anon)

1.) What’s better, having high expectations or having low expectations? Low expectations. That way if shit goes south you expected it but if it actually works out it’s a pleasant surprise.

2.) Would you rather go without junk food for a year or go without TV for a year? TV, if by that you mean no watching TV shows since I barely do that anyway. If you mean go without using a TV entirely, probably junk food.

3.) Describe your perfect man/woman. I honestly don’t have one. Just someone I click with who can be my best friend and will take the good with the bad, because there’s a lot of bad unfortunately. I suck lol.

4.) Thoughts on school dress codes? I don’t really care, sure they’re annoying, but at least it keeps people from feeling like shit about not being able to afford nice clothes and whatnot if everyone has to wear the same thing. What does get annoying is how ridiculous people get about what’s “acceptable” for girls to wear so they’re not “distracting”. Bra straps are a thing. Get over it.

5.)Any strange phobias? Nah, just standard fear of spiders and needles.

6.) At what job do you see Donald Trump best fit? What a weird question. It’d be kinda funny to see him shoveling shit.

7.) Who was your first crush? Her name was Jessie, I was in 3rd grade.

8.) Who was your first best friend? Uhh. Fuck, I’m not sure. Maybe John, I can’t remember how old we were.

9.)What is one weird thing about you? I keep a list of all the horror movies I’ve ever watched and update it regularly. I’m well into the 400s.

10.) Top 5 TV shows you like to watch? Game of Thrones, House M.D., Criminal Minds, Hell’s Kitchen, and Lost.

11.) What are your favorite boys names? I don’t really have any tbh. Never really thought about it.

12.) What are your favorite girls names? Rachel, Jess/Jessica, Sam, Katie, Hanna.

13.) Do you have any tattoos? If so, what are they? Nope, I do want to get some eventually though.

14.) Do you plan on getting (more) tattoos? If so, what do you want to get as of the moment? I do plan on getting tats, yes.

15.) Do you have any piercings? Do you plan on getting more? Nope and nope.

16.) Do you like hugging people? Fuck yeah, if it’s the right people. I love hugs.

17.) Think of ANY person on earth right now. Who did you think of? Abby, I wonder how she’s doing.

18.) Do you have an iPhone? No, but I kinda want one.

19.) What is the worst thing that could happen in your life right now? Getting rejected by this job interview on Tuesday, I guess.

20.) Do you watch anime? Yes I do. Seasonally.

21.) What brings true happiness? Financial stability.

22.) What is the most expensive thing you’ve ever paid for? I paid 6 months of rent all at once when I got my first apartment because we didn’t make FIVE FUCKING TIMES the rent. Cunts.

23.) If you could have any job in the world and get paid millions of dollars a year for it, what would you be and why? Being a musician, because music keeps me sane and it’s really the only thing I’ve ever considered doing long-term.

24.) Do you want children? If so, how many? Hell no. Never.

25.) Name and describe someone who you feel most comfortable around. My friend Hanna, I can talk to her about whatever and vent to her if I need to. Taylor too.

26.)If you could invent a holiday, what would it be? National Spaghetti Weekend. A federal holiday. Having that weekend off would be mandatory and all Italian-themed restaurants would give half off on their pastas.

27.)Would you rather have summer weather or winter weather all year round? Summer. I fucking hate winter like you don’t even know.

28.) If you could make an alien race, describe what they would look like. Uhh. They would probably have evolved past the need for a physical form so they’d just be invisible (or visible, I dunno) clouds of consciousness.

29.) What was the first thing you learned to cook? Spaghetti and meatballs.

30.) Describe your sense of humor. Very dark and sarcastic. Most people are unnerved by it at first so I tone it down around strangers.

31.) What is the key to happiness? Financial stability and being with someone you love.

32.) How many phone numbers do you have committed to memory? Whose numbers are they? My dad’s, my friend Jackie’s, and mine. That’s literally it.

33.) Name three songs that make you want to dance. Wop, Shots, and Trap Queen.

34.) What job did you want to have as a child? I wanted to be a driver in the demolition derby and then a paleontologist.

35.) Do you have any talents or skills? Yeah, I play guitar/bass/harmonica/some drums and I can sing, and I’m fairly good with computers. Also good at writing.

36.) What was the worst punishment you’ve ever had? Getting grounded from my video games for like a month back in middle school. Shit sucked.

37.) Did you ever do anything weird as a child? Yeah, I liked to pick clovers and eat them.

38.) What is your dream car? Lamborghini Diablo SE-30.

39.) Describe something that made you laugh this week. I was watching videos about big cats chasing laser pointers earlier.

40.) Did you have a dream last night? If so, describe it. Nope, last night was too solid of a sleep because of all the wine.

41.) Do you ever have repetitive dreams? Describe it/them. No, generally all my dreams are different, but sometimes they’ll be about the same person.

42.) Describe the worst/ scariest dream you’ve ever had. Shit I don’t remember. My dreams usually aren’t scary. I did have a dream a few months ago that my friend died in a terrorist attack or something, that freaked me out.

43.) Describe the best dream you’ve ever had. I won the lottery. And then woke up pissed the fuck off.

44.) If God himself gave you a choice of either having unlimited money for the rest of your life or finding your one true love starting tomorrow, which one would you choose (keep in mind, you are still able to make a ton of money if you choose love, and you are still able to meet your soul mate if you choose money)? Soul mate, absolutely.

45.) If you could do anything (and I mean ANYTHING) right now without consequences, what would you do and why? Take Emma Watson on a date and then bang her into next century.

46.) Do you have any recipes that you know off the top of your head? What is it/ what are they? Yeah, spaghetti and meatballs, lasagna, Fettuccine chicken Alfredo.

47.) Do you have your license? If so, do you have a car? Yes and yes.

48.) Have you ever had a near death experience? Yup, car crash in third grade.

49.) Do you personally know anyone that has been to prison? Nope not personally.

50.) Have you ever been in a physical fight? Yeah, a few times.

51.) When you get out of the shower, do you towel dry, blow dry, or air dry your hair? Towel dry a bit and then air dry. Who has time to blow dry that shit?

52.) When you go to the movies, what snacks and drinks do you take with you? I usually sneak in a bottle of vodka or whiskey, buy a Coke, dump out a shitload of it and then cut it with the vodka. Makes movies a lot more fun.

53.) Do you like going to the beach? If so, do you like to stay dry or go in the water? If not, why? Fuck yes, but I haven’t been in years. And I don’t mind getting wet, swimming is fun.

54.) Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Nah, do people actually do that?

55.) If you could have a superpower ASIDE from being invisible or being able to fly, what would you have? Control fire. Always wanted to surround myself with fire whenever I’m pissed off.

56.) If you were able to live for however long you wanted to (i’m talking thousands of years without aging), when would you choose to die? Whenever I got bored or when the world got too shitty to handle.

57.) What do you think happens after you die? I don’t think jack shit happens.

58.) Do you believe in aliens? I’m a healthy skeptic but it seems pretty retarded to just discount the possibility of aliens considering how fucking massive the universe is.

59.) Do you believe in ghosts? I’d like to. Never seen any evidence firsthand but I won’t completely write it off.

60.) Do you believe in spiritual things like ouija boards, tarot cards, and crystals? Do you believe they are portals for evil entities to enter the mortal world? Not really. Seems kind of far-fetched. But I do wanna fuck with a Ouija board and do everything you’re not supposed to do just to see what I piss off.

61.) If you could make one mythical being real, who/what would you make? Dragons motherfucker.

62.) Do you get tan, or do you burn? I tan. I can burn too, it just depends.

63.) Describe your shower routine. Shampoo, conditioner, body wash, face wash.

64.) Do you enjoy school? Why or why not? High school was a joke but I met some cool people there, college was a fucking waste of money and I’m glad I dropped out.

65.) In your opinion, what is the worst way to die? Alone.

66.) Do you get carsick, sea sick, or airplane sickness? None of those.

67.) What’s one memory that you wish you could live again and again? Visiting Jess in South Dakota. Also my 21st birthday.

68.) What were some of your stuffed animal’s names from when you were a kid? Mr. Bear is the one I remember the most. And Babas the clown.

69.)Do you have any pets? I wish.

70.) Describe your daily wardrobe. Whatever the hell I feel like putting on. Usually a T shirt and jeans.

71.) Describe what your daily wardrobe would be if you were rich. The exact same thing.

72.) Create a character right now. Give them a name, age, and character description. Fluffybutt McSnugglekins. She’s a 2 year old tortoiseshell kitty.

73.)What was the last thing you bought? Fuck if I know, I’ve been broke for a while. Probably bread or a bottle of vodka.

74.) Have you ever bought a CD? What band was it for? I’ve bought a lot of CDs, the most recent one was Metallica’s newest album.

75.) Describe your perfect ice cream sundae. A brownie sundae. Make sure the brownie is warm.

76.) If you could make ANYTHING happen right now with no cost, trouble, or obstacles, what would you do? Immediate winning of Power Ball.

77.) What are some of your favorite physical activities to do? I like boxing workouts, I need to get back into doing those.

78.) What were some of your favorite shows as a child? Scooby Doo and Inspector Gadget.

79.) Describe how you would survive the zombie apocalypse. I probably wouldn’t because I’d be too excited that the world had finally ended to be careful. I’d make sure to always keep a sidearm on me though so I could shoot myself if the zombies were closing in.

80.)What are some things you shouldn’t say at work? You can say whatever you want as long as the wrong people don’t overhear you.

81.) If you were told that if you killed someone, you would save 100 people, would you do it? It would depend on the person. And the people I’d be saving.

82.) How’s the weather right now? It’s a little chilly, I wish winter would fuck off.

83.) What is the background on your cell phone right now? It’s a road covered in red leaves.

84.)Is it better to work at a job that you love or a job that pays well? A job that you love. You can’t pay away misery.

85.) What do you have within arms reach of your bed? My iPod dock.

86.) Have you ever been fired from a job? If so, why? Nope, just quit a lot of them.

87.) Have you ever won a trophy, prize, or medal? If so, for what? Yeah, I won some Tee Ball trophies when I was a kid, also won a spelling bee once.

88.) Do you have any posters, pictures, or art hanging on your walls in your room? If so, what are they? Yup, it’s a lot of band and music-related stuff.

89.) Are you afraid of the dark? If so, why? No, I love the dark.

90.)What is something that you’ve never done but would like to try? Skydiving.

91.) If you could choose three famous people or characters to be friends with, who would you choose and why? Emma Watson because I am fucking in love with her, Peter Dinklage because I bet he’s a fun as fuck dude to hang out with, and Hugh Jackman because he could give me voice lessons and seems like a generally good guy.

92.) Do you smile at strangers when you pass by them on the street? Depends on my mood, usually yes.

93.) Do you have a favorite TV commercial? If so, what is it? Nah, there have been some Super Bowl commercials that were fun but I’ve forgotten them.

94.) Do you like your handwriting? My handwriting sucks lol.

95.) Cable TV or Netflix? Netflix. Cable is so unnecessary.

96.) What are your favorite smells? Freshly cut grass, bourbon, cooking food, and Hawaiian Aloha Febreze.

97.) Do you consider yourself physically strong? Yeah, I’m a lot stronger than I look.

98.) Describe a time where you said something really rude or mean, whether intentional or not. I can’t remember exactly what was said, I was with my girlfriend at the time in her car, we were fighting, she said something that pushed my buttons and I hauled off and screamed at her.

99.) Do you ask strangers to pet their dogs? Usually. Furry babies make me happy.

100.)What is your most embarrassing moment? When I danced with my crush in like 4th grade, I had no idea what the fuck I was doing.

101.) Has anyone really close to you ever died? If so, who was it and how did you handle it? Nobody super close. My friend Shannon died when she was 16 but we hadn’t talked in a few years. It was still really shitty, still think about her sometimes.

102.) Describe your plan of action if you were home alone and you heard someone break into your house. Grab a weapon, whether it’s one of my swords or my shotgun. Prepare to end someone.

103.) If you were to be born again, would you want to be born male or female? I wouldn’t mind trying life as a female.

104.) What shampoo do you use? Whatever I pick up. Usually Aussie or Pantene.

105.) Guess the meaning of this word: ulotrichous. I have no idea and I don’t feel like Googling it.

106.) Do you let messages (phone, email, text, social media, etc…) build up, or do you have to look at them right away? I usually look at them right away. Except for my email, my inbox is a cesspit.

107.) Where is the nearest McDonalds to your house? It’s like a 10 minute drive or so.

108.) If you had $1 billion and you had to spend it in exactly one week, what would you spend it on? A fully paid off house, a fully paid off car, lots of musical equipment, a shitload of expensive ass food, and the rest on lottery tickets.

109.) What is the best thing you’ve ever eaten? My own spaghetti and meatball recipe. I like it better than actual Italian food made by immigrants.

110.) If you could go on a trip around the world with up to three people, who would you bring (they can be people you know personally or famous people). My best friend, Taylor, and Emma Watson.

111.) What expletive/ explicit phrase do you say most often? Fuck. All the fucking time.

112.) What is your personal definition of success? Just not wanting to die every single day.

113.) How was your day today? It was alright, I got a job interview.

114.) What is the closest Big City you live by? I live right outside of Nashville.

115.) Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah, 3 of them. Only driving for 1 though.

116.) Do you hide anything from your parents? A lot of things.

117.) If you could possess one talent, what would you be able to do? Not be depressed.

118.) Ugly and smart or beautiful and stupid? Ugly and smart.

119.) What is the worst thing you’ve ever seen in real life? Man of Steel. God, that movie is terrible.

120.) Use only 3 words to describe how you want your future to go. Go away, depression.

121.) QUICK! give me a few things a brick could be useful for: Breaking a window, breaking your arch-enemy’s skull, smashing open a bottle of wine because you don’t have a corkscrew.

122.) If you could make a dream society, describe it in great detail where it would be, who would be in it, and what rules there would be? I’m not even gonna attempt that because humans are far too shitty for a “dream society” to exist. I’d love to do away with money ruling everything though, and racist/homophobic/overzealous religious types would have no place in it.

123.) If you could make any animal miniature, what would you make and why? I’d love to make a mini octopus. Because they’re the shit. And they’re geniuses, they’ll take over the world eventually.

124.) What are your favorite candle scents? I like pine.

125.) If you HAD to have one plastic surgery, what would you get and why? I have no idea, the least intensive one.

126.) Do you prefer to hang out with the same sex or the opposite sex? I usually find myself with more female friends than male, but my two best friends are male and female.

127.) If you could make a charity, what would the profits go towards? How would you raise money for it? Something to do with mental disorders and researching cures and shit. I have no idea how I’d go about raising money, charities are hard. Maybe fundraisers.

128.) Describe the body you wish you had. Basically my body but a lot more lean and toned.

129.) If you were a famous director, what would your next movie be about? Describe the plot, characters, and possible title. I want to make an atmospheric psychological horror movie. The characters would probably just be random college students, but they’d be tormented by crazy psychological shit. Like one of them goes into a room and the door vanishes, they freak out and bang on the walls for what seems like hours and then their friends come in like “What the fuck are you freaking out about”. Fun shit like that.

130.) If only women were to rule the world, how different would the world be by 2050? Entirely different. I can’t even guess at how, but it would obviously be very different.

131.) What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Bourbon.

132.) Do you have a problematic friend? Yeah, a couple of them.

133.) Are you more spontaneous or more of a planner? Spontaneous. Plans are lame.

134.) If you could change your full name, what would your name be? I’m pretty cool with my name.

135.) What is one song that describes your life? “Never Enough”

136.) What is one show you’ve been meaning to watch but can never find the time for? Breaking Bad, everyone says it’s so good.

137.) Do you find it easy to drop toxic people from your life that you’ve known for a long time? Hell no, I can’t let of anyone.

138.) Do you like children? Why or why not? Nah, they just kind of annoy me most of the time.

139.) What is your zodiac sign? Libra.

140.) Do you like to dance? Do you dance often? In front of other people? Sort of, but no, never.

141.) Name some of your favorite colors. Black, dark red, silver, green.

142.) Have you ever shoplifted? If so, what was it? Yes. Food, Magic cards, headphones, a toothbrush, a comb, a DVD, I think that’s it.

143.) If you could speak three additional languages, what would they be? Spanish, Italian, and Japanese.

144.) Have you ever been in legal trouble? Nothing serious, but yeah.

145.) Have you ever had surgery? Nope. Probably should though, my shoulder is fukt.

146.) If you could change 2 things about yourself, what would you change and why? I’d get rid of my depression and be in much better shape.

147.) What do you want done with your body after you die? Probably cremation.

148.) What three physical features do people compliment you most on? What do they say about them? Hair, eyes, and jaw line. Everybody thinks my hair and eyes are pretty and I’ve been told I have a “strong jaw”.

149.) If you could have your own business, what would you do? It’d be cool to have my own record label.

150.) What current friend do you have that you’ve known the longest? My best friend, I’ve known him for like 15 years or so.

#survey #about me #for anon

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underabr0kensky · 7 years

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1: What’s the most annoying thing about your best friend/s? They smoke and I don’t, so when we all hang out they generally get high and become bumps on logs or just trail off into nonsense conversations while we try to do something. It’s fucking irritating. 2: Least favorite TV shows? Lost Girl, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Jessica Jones, The Walking Dead. I fucking hate those. 3: Favorite moment with your best friend/s? That’s hard. Probably the first show we played as Distortion Sleep. 4: What’s one quality you would like to have? The quality of being rich as fuck so I could actually fucking enjoy life sometimes. 5: Name three people of your same sex you would: marry,kiss and fuck: Literally cannot think of anyone. I’m straight. 6: Do you like your full name? I guess. I don’t really like my middle name, but when you put them all together it’s got some pretty badass meanings. 7: Tell me your most embarrassing memory: When I danced with my crush in third grade. I had no fucking idea what I was doing so I put my hands on her shoulders. God. I’m cringing. 8: Favorite color to wear? Black or gray. 9: Favorite restaurant? I have several. Magianno’s, Bonefish Grill, Carabba’s, the Melting Pot, Olive Garden, Cracker Barrel. Magianno’s is definitely number one though. I have expensive taste for a poor fuck. 10: What would be a good first date for you? Honestly I don’t care, as long as there’s chemistry and we’re both happy. I’m a sucker for romance though. 11: Are you a good wrestler? Nah, I never got into wrestling. 12: Are you allergic to something? Oh boy. Rabbits, cat dandruff, amoxicillin, lavender, pollen, dust, bees, pork, and artificial green apple. 13: Would you be a good singer? Well, I mean. That’s kind of what I do. And everyone tells me I’m good. So. Yes? 14: Who’s the last person you told “I love you” to? Özge. 15: What car would you buy if you had enough money? A Lamborghini Diablo SE-30. 16: Favorite cover of a song? Hmm. Anthem Lights does a bitchin’ cover of “We Are Never Getting Back Together”. 17: What was your last conversation about? Uhh. I have no idea. The Beatles I think. 18: Where were you born? Tennessee. 19: Least favorite app? I don’t use enough to have a least favorite. 20: Tell me two facts about your country of birth: Gay marriage is legal nationwide (fucking finally) and pot is legal in certain states. 21: Do you like wearing sunglasses? If it’s bright out and if they look good. 22: When it’s a good moment for a first kiss? Whenever it feels right. 23: What are your nationalities? Spanish, German, Irish, Aztec, and Native American (very small amount). 24: What would make you drop college/university? Well I already did that, and it was because I was fucking paying to take high school again. 25: A crossover between two shows (any shows) you would like to see? Dragon Ball and anything in the Marvelverse. 26: Long or short hair? On me? Long. On a girl, I like short hair a lot but I don’t really care either way. 27:A character from a book/TV show/movie that shouldn’t have died? A certain female from the Wheel of Time series that I’m not going to name. Goddamnit. 28: Favorite movie scene? The end of 300 is pretty fucking legit. The opening scene from The Godfather too. 29:Do you ship more fiction people or more real people? Fiction. I don’t give a shitting fuck about real people. 30: Favorite country song? Huh. Right now it’s probably “When it Rains” by the Eli Young Band. 31: Favorite John Green book? I do not read John Green. 32: Least favorite Ed Sheeran song? Photograph. Which is also my favorite Ed Sheeran song. It makes me sad. 33: Favorite ship? Right at the moment it’s Rhys and Sasha from Tales from the Borderlands. 34: How do you deal with sexual tension? By flirting. 35: Name a celebrity who died that you miss: Robin Williams. 36: Favorite Harry Potter spell? Avada Kedavra bitch. 37: Something you are scared of losing? My girlfriend. 38: Someone you regret meeting? Nobody, really. 39: Have you ever been hurt by someone you thought he/she was your friend? Yeah, many times. 40: Do you easily open up to people? Fucking fuck no. 41: What is a gift you love receiving? Affection. And booze. 42: What is something you could leave easily? My state. And my country. 43: Rant about that’s eating you up: I already ranted to a friend about my family pissing me off. 44: If you could make one phone call to anyone right now, who would it be and what would you say? My girlfriend, and “I love you”. 45:Are you easy to love? I don’t think I am.

#personal #survey

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underabr0kensky · 7 years

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this is fuck-mothering huge

1. If you didn't have to sleep, what would you do with the extra time? My best friend and I talk about this all the time. I’d spend a shitload more time on my hobbies, probably. Literally just write/play guitar/work out all the time. Also probably drink a lot more too, so maybe it’s good that sleep is necessary.

2. What is your favorite piece of clothing you own / owned? I’m actually not sure. I like my band T-shirts, but I don’t think I have a favorite. Maybe my camo pants since they’re actual army fatigues and they’re comfy as fuck and have like four thousand pockets.

3. What hobby would you pick up if time & money weren't an issue? Stunt driving, probably. I’ve been drifting a few times and it’s fun as fuck but I don’t have the car for it. A Solara is not meant to do that shit.

4. What does your perfect room look like? Something with a big ass window overlooking a forest that I can shut with panels so my room is completely dark, and one of those crazy fucking beds that has a TV built into it. Also shitloads of band and boxing posters and a metric fuck-ton of anime figures and dragon statues and other such nerdy shit in a display case. Also a cat somewhere, and my girlfriend curled up next to me.

5. How often do you play sports? I don’t. I’m not really into sports at all, except for boxing and some football.

6. What fictional place would you like to visit? There are many. Hogwarts/Hogsmeade, Cairhien, Misaki Town, Fuyuki City, Aincrad, Akihabara (the one from Log Horizon, I know that’s actually a real city as well you smartass), literally anywhere in the Dragon Universe, Destiny Islands, Hollow Bastion, there are so fucking many.

7. What job would you be terrible at? Anything that involves a lot of pressure. I like cooking, but I could never work as a chef. The stress would crack me instantly.

8. When was the last time you climbed a tree? When I was a kid. I used to do that a lot actually. There’s a big fuckhuge maple tree my dad planted at the house we used to live in back before I was born, and it’s massive now.

9. If you could turn any activity into an Olympic sport, what would you have a good chance of winning a medal for? Playing Dark Souls. I’d win gold, silver, and bronze. GITGUD.

10. What is the most annoying habit that you or other people have? I do that leg bouncing thing all the time, it pisses people off.

11. What job do you think you'd be really good at? Honestly I think I’d be a good therapist. I’m a fucked up person so I understand where most people are coming from, I love making people feel better, and I’m not one to think someone else’s feelings aren’t valid just because someone somewhere has it worse.

12. What skill would you like to master? Guitar. I know I’m good, but I’m nowhere near a master.

13. What would be the most amazing adventure to go on? Anything involving hikes in places like those you see on the crazy nature pictures on here. Those things make me hate living in shitty Tennessee.

14. If you had unlimited funds to build a house to live on for the rest of your life, what would the finished house look like? Probably two floors and a basement, Victorian style, somewhere surrounded by wilderness. A garage, a storm cellar, I’m not gonna sit here and describe the interior but it would be fancy but not stuffy or pretentious, just obviously very well-to-do. I like nice things, sue me.

15. What's your favorite drink? Lemonade. Also Mountain Dew.

16. What state or country do you never want to go back to? Mississippi. Why the fuck is the spelling so retarded, for one. That place isn’t even a state, it’s a cess pit. Half the fucking roads don’t have streetlights. I drove for a goddamn hour and didn’t see a Walmart or anything other than an occasional shitty little gas station. Why is it real. I bet they don’t even have running water. Do not fucking go to Mississippi.

17. What songs do you have completely memorized? Shitloads of Metallica songs, also a lot of pop songs because I’m a cuck apparently.

18. What game or movie universe would you like to live in? The Kingdom Hearts universe. Everything is a world. You could go anywhere.

19. What do you consider to be your best find? That’s a weird question. Probably my girlfriend. :P

20. Are you usually early or late? Early because I’m paranoid about showing up late.

21. What pets did you have when you were growing up? Mouse and Alex. My kittehs. I miss them a lot. And random reptiles and amphibians.

22. When people come to you for help, what do they usually need help with? Usually emotional support.

23. What takes up too much of your time? FUCKING WORK.

24. What do you wish you knew more about? A lot of things. The ocean, space, how time works, mythology, physics, dark matter.

25. What would be your first question after waking up from being frozen for 100 years? “Is VR like Sword Art yet?”

26. What are some small things that make your day better? Özge, music, nice weather, and good food.

27. Who's your go-to band or artist when you don't know who or what to listen to? That actually changes a lot. Usually it’s Metallica.

28. What's the best way to start the day? Get up and not wish I hadn’t done that.

29. What TV shows do you like? House M.D., Criminal Minds, Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares, Luther, The Colony, Firefly, Game of Thrones, Dr. Who, general anime.

30. What TV channel doesn't exist but really should? What a fucking weird question. I have no idea. Maybe a channel dedicated to the weekly teaching of guitar techniques or something.

31. Who has impressed you most with what they've accomplished? Özge, definitely, for not drinking. I’m really proud of her.

32. What age do you wish you could stay at permanently? I dunno, maybe 21.

33. What TV show or movie do you refuse to watch? Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I watched a bit of it and holy fucking god, it sucked. I will never try again.

34. What's your ideal way to spend a weekend? Well I work weekends. But I like chilling with the guys and playing games, getting drunk, and watching movies.

35. What is something that is considered a luxury, but you don't think you could live without? The Internet, but it shouldn’t be considered a luxury. Not having the Internet basically means you’re fucked.

36. What is your claim to fame? Uh. I can play guitar really well? I was the frontman for Distortion Sleep? Some people still recognize us in public, it’s kind of saddening.

37. What is something you enjoy doing the old-fashioned way? Nothing, really. i like convenience.

38. What's your favorite book or movie genre? Horror, I believe. Or drama. Or fantasy.

39. How often do you people-watch? Not very often. I don’t like people.

40. What have you only recently formed an opinion about? I can’t think of anything. Islam, perhaps.

41. What's the best day of the year? Whatever day is the first day of a long vacation.

42. What subject interests you that not many people have heard of? Dark matter.

43. How do you relax after a long day of work? With a drink or by working out.

44. What's the best book series or TV series you've ever read or watched? Best book series is Wheel of Time.

45. Where is the farthest you've ever been from home? Probably when I was in Manhattan or San Diego.

46. What's the most heartwarming thing you've ever seen? Some of the stuff I’ve seen on here is pretty heartwarming. The little kid giving the toy garbage truck to the garbage guys was adorable.

47. What is the most annoying question people ask you? “What aisle is the bread on?” I dunno maybe the fucking aisle that says “BREAD” you piece of shit

48. What could you give a 40-minute presentation on with no preparation? Guitar. I could babble about that shit for hours.

49. If you were the dictator on a small island nation, what crazy dictator stuff would you do? Ban fedoras. Make everyone own a cat. Make one person at random per week submit their cat to me for a 24-hour checkup that is really just me cuddling and playing with the cat. Make Mountain Dew a fundamental human right. Homophobes shall be met with swift death. Somehow kidnap Trump and lock him in a cage. Flog him whenever people get bored, angry, hungry, or if they just want to.

50. What is something you think everyone should do at least once in their lives? Eat authentic Italian food. Like in a restaurant where the chefs are people who immigrated from Italy. That shit is dope.

51. Would you rather go hand gliding or whitewater rafting? That’s tough, but hang gliding. I like the sky.

52. What's your dream car? A Lamborghini Diablo SE-30.

53. What's worth spending more on to get the best? Food.

54. What is something a ton of people are obsessed with, but you just don't get? Supernatural. I think that show is a piece of shit with some of the worst acting and dialogue I’ve ever seen.

55. What are you most looking forward to in the next 10 years? Moving away from here, hopefully getting a place with her, hopefully being financially stable.

56. Where is the most interesting place you've been? South Dakota. Going to the north during winter was an experience.

57. What's something you've been meaning to try but haven't gotten around to it? Acid. no seriously, I want to trip balls.

58. What is the best thing that happened to you last week? I went to MTAC.

59. What piece of entertainment do you wish you could erase from your mind, only to experience it for the first time again? My friend and I talk about this all the time. The first time we heard “Disconnected” by In Flames it was like a fucking epiphany. I’d like to do that again.

60. If all jobs had the same pay rate and hours, what job would you want to have? I’d be a mystery shopper. That’s so trollzy.

61. What amazing thing have you done that no one was around to see? This one time a wasp flew at me while I was holding a stick so I swung the stick at it in a futile attempt to save myself and I just fucking wrecked this thing, the sound of the stick hitting its body was audible. Punk bitch ass wasp didn’t know who he was fucking with.

62. How different was your life 1 year ago? Extremely different, my life 1 year ago was utter shit.

63. What quirks do you have? I fuck with my hair a lot.

64. What would you rate 10/10? My girlfriend. And Italian food.

65. What fad or trend do you think should come back? Nothing I can think of, fads are dumb.

66. What is the most interesting piece of art you've seen? I have no idea. It’s hard to impress me with art because so much of it is bullshit nowadays, somebody just flings paint onto a canvas and calls it art. My friend Lara does some pretty fucking intense stuff though, she’s really talented with dot art.

67. What kind of art do you enjoy most? Anything abstract and weird.

68. What do you hope never changes? The relationship I’m in, unless it changes for the better.

69. What city would you most like to live in? Berlin :D Or San Diego but only if she’s with me.

70. What movie title best describes your life? I dunno, is there a movie called “What the Fuck is Going On?”?

71. Why did you decide to do the work you are doing now? Because I needed money. I hate my job.

72. What's the best way a person can spend their time? Doing stuff they love.

73. If you suddenly became a master at woodworking, what would you make? That would be fucking cool. Probably just random models of stuff I find interesting. Honestly might carve anime figures and sell them.

74. Where is the most relaxing place you've ever been? The ocean. The waves are chill.

75. What's the luckiest thing that has ever happened to you? I met her on here :) And I got pulled up onstage at a Five Finger Death Punch concert.

76. Where would you rather be from? Germany.

77. What are some things you've had to unlearn? I used to have a lisp and I trained myself to get rid of it.

78. What do you look forward to in the next 6 months? Saving money, eventually going to see her. Also the fair.

79. What website do you visit most often? Probably this one.

80. What one thing do you really want but can't afford? A Lambo, a house, a fucking planet ticket to Berlin goddamn it why are they so expensive fuck god

81. Where do you usually go when you have free time? My room. My cave. My fortress of solitude.

82. Where would you spend all your time if you could? In Germany with her.

83. What's special about the place you grew up? Honestly fucking nothing. Lebanon sucks, there’s nothing there and all the people are shit.

84. What age do you want to live to? I’d like to live to like 400 just to see where the world goes. If it goes south I can just eat a bullet.

85. What are you most likely to become famous for? Music, I hope.

86. What are you absolutely determined to do? Visit Germany.

87. What is the most impressive thing you know how to do? Play guitar really well. Also beat Through the Fire and Flames on expert.

88. What do you wish you knew more about? You asked me this already you insensitive bastard

89. What question would you most like to know the answer to? What the fuck is all of this shit https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rsAg8MzwM9A

90. What question can you ask to find out the most about a person? Ask how they view other people I suppose.

91. When was the last time you changed your opinion or belief about something major? Probably about Özge explained a lot of stuff about Islam to me.

92. What's the best compliment you've ever received? I love being called “handsome”. It’s such an underappreciated and underused compliment.

93. As the only human left on earth, what would you do? Get really drunk and then end myself. Seriously that would fucking suck.

94. Who inspires you to be better? My girlfriend. I’ve gotten a lot better because of how supportive she is.

95. What do you want your epitaph to be? “One more shot won’t kill me” but only if one more did indeed kill me.

96. What haven't you grown out of? Anime and stuffed animals.

97. In what situation or place would you feel most out of place in? Church. Anytime I go to a church I feel fucking awkward.

98. What's the dumbest thing you've done that actually turned out pretty well? Well my best friend and I bought a bus and defaulted on our lease to live on it. That was fucking stupid, but it taught me a lot of things.

99. If someone wrote a book on an event in your life, what would the book be about? The bus incident. We’ve actually talked about writing a book about it because of what a fucking fiasco it was to even get the thing.

100. What's something you will never do again? Buy a fucking bus. And ruin my relationship.

101. How do you hope you'll change as a person in the future? Hopefully I won’t drink so much and I won’t be so insecure.

102. What keeps you up at night? Stress, usually.

103. What's the most surprising self-realization you've had? “Holy fuck, I was emotionally abused and then I emotionally abused someone.” And then I started drinking too much.

104. What is the most illegal thing you've ever done? Many things. Probably shoplifting, I used to do that fairly frequently because I was a stupid kid.

105. How do you get in the way of your own success? By being too insecure to try.

106. What are you afraid people see when they look at you? My stupid fucking smile, ugh.

107. What is your biggest regret? Fucking things up with her, but I did it and I can’t change it, I just need to not do it to anyone else.

108. What do you look down on people for? Being homophobic or bigoted in any other way.

109. What bridges do you not regret burning? There aren’t many. I suck at letting people go.

110. What lie do you tell most often? “I’m sick”

111. What would be your spirit animal? A cat, I bet.

112. What is the best & worst thing about getting older? You stop being stupid, but you start needing to watch what you eat.

113. What are you most likely very wrong about? Nothing. I know everything. I am never wrong. If you disagree, you prove your incompetence. Bow to me, mortal.

114. If you had a personal flag, what would be on it? A weird cube shape that we used to use for Distortion Sleep.

115. What's happened that changed your view on the world? Well we elected Trump as president so I think we’re all fucked.

116. What is the biggest lesson you've learned? Don’t let insecurity make you an asshole.

117. What is the most immature thing you do? I dunno, skip work?

118. What are you famous for among your friends & family? My guitar and singing skillz yo.

119. If your childhood had a smell, what would it be? Peanut butter and jelly.

120. What one responsibility do you wish you didn't have? Having a fucking job.

121. What are 3 things you want to accomplish before you die? Visit a bunch of different places, make a career out of music, beat the dogshit out of a rapist.

122. What do you want to tell your 10-year-old self? “Start playing guitar you stupid fuck”

123. What's the best thing you got from your parents? My musical ability.

124. What's the best thing about you? I’m compassionate I suppose.

125. What blows your mind? Space and the ocean. Dude that shit is cray cray.

126. Have you ever saved someone's life? Yeah, I have.

127. What are you really good at but embarrassed to be good at? I’m not embarrassed to be good at anything.

128. What would a mirror opposite of you look like? Someone who isn’t sexy as fuck.

129. What are 3 interesting facts about you? I can curl my tongue, I talked to Arnold Schwarzenegger on the phone once, and I hit a golf ball so hard it exploded.

130. Which of your scars has the best story behind it? I have a big scar on my right hand from when I jumped down off my bed and my hand came down on my guitar’s head stock. It almost punched through the back of my hand and it was so painful I almost blacked out. I had stitches for like two months. Holy fuck it was so shitty.

131. What's the title of the current chapter in your life? “Recovery”

132. What were some of the biggest turning points in your life? Dropping out of college, starting the first band, meeting Jessica, meeting Özge.

133. What's the hardest lesson you've learned? Sometimes if you fuck something up badly enough, it can’t ever be fixed, even if both people forgive each other.

134. What do people think is weird about you? I slouch really badly.

135. What mistake do you keep making? I drink too much.

136. What have you created that you're most proud of? I wrote a song called “Alone Sleep Ghosts” that is better than anything I’ve ever written and it will probably never be topped.

137. What do you doubt? Myself, all the time.

138. What are some of your morals? Don’t be a bigoted fuckhole.

139. What do you want to be remembered for? My music and my compassion.

140. What do you regret not doing in your childhood years? Picking up guitar earlier.

141. What is your favorite fragrance? Flowery perfumes. Also cooking food.

142. What do you think your last words will be? “Is Tsukihime 2 out yet?”

143. Who or what do you take for granted? I try not to take anything for granted, but most modern conveniences.

144. Why would you be annoying as a roommate? Not at all because I’d stay in my room constantly.

145. What is something you're insecure about? Being replaced.

146. What's the best & worst piece of advice you've received? Best: Don’t let your insecurities ruin your life. Worst: Just do what you love, don’t worry about how much money it makes you.

147. What irrational fears do you have? Spiders, broken glass, needles, and being hurt emotionally.

148. What makes a good life? Being with someone you love and being financially stable.

149. What's the last adventure you went on? We traveled to Georgia for a LARP last year.

150. What is the most memorable gift you've received? The cards that Jess sent me.

#personal #survey #about me #get to know me #this is long

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