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resplendentroses324 · 4 years

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Finally cooled off a reasonable amount to gather my thoughts.

THAT EPISODE WAS ABOUT TO BE SO PHENOMENAL. EVERYTHING ABOUT IT WAS GOING PHENOMENALLY.

THEN THEY CHOSE TO HAVE TWO SEASONED, PROFESSIONAL HUNTSMAN WHO /KNOW/ SALEM’S GOAL IS FIRST AND FOREMOST TO DIVIDE, FIGHT EACH OTHER INSTEAD OF TAKING CARE OF THE FUCKING SERIAL KILLER FIRST.

The 2v1 on Robyn and Qrow vs Clover? Sure, and they were actually pretty close to resolving that and everyone calming down. Even the 1v1v1 of Qrow Tyrian and Clover? SURE I GUESS Clover just HAS to make arresting Qrow a priority as well as RECAPTURING THE KILLER. But the fucking 2v1 of Tyrian and Qrow vs Clover was SO STUPID. You needed THREE HUNTSMAN to originally capture him! You’re down Robyn, WHY THE FUCK WOULD THEY HAVE BOTH QROW AND CLOVER ACTIVELY CHOOSE TO TAKE OUT THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WHO COULD FIGHT TYRIAN WITH HIM AND PROBABLY WIN.

(The rest of this post has been edited from what it once was to be a little more analytical of the characters in-show choices, but let the record show that I still HATE how the show did this and the writing was still bad for Qrow this episode. I’m reeling. Fucking TYRIAN. Seriously. )

Qrow I can KINDA understand because it’s a “do i fight both people who are trying to come at me at once or do I accept the offer to get at least one of them out of the way so I can handle the other” situation, and Clover definitely brought that on himself by refusing to stop going after Qrow.

If Qrow had given himself up to Clover he’d have been arrested and it would have left Clover to fight Tyrian by himself, but if Clover had given himself up to Qrow they could have taken Tyrian together and finished their shit later. THAT’S on Clover. Clover didn’t even give Qrow the option. Granted I’m sure Qrow could have said “you can arrest me after we deal with HIM” and then just...say sike afterwards.

Qrow’s biggest fault here is just not fucking paying attention. Qrow shouldn’t have trusted Tyrian even minimally to take out Clover without killing him. I mean did he really expect the serial killer to....not kill him?

BUT AT THE SAME TIME THO, CRWBY DIDNT HAVE TO FUCKING WRITE IT LIKE THAT EITHER. IT’S /SUPER/ BULLSHIT THAT THE ONLY OPTION THEY GAVE QROW WAS TO TEAM UP WITH TYRIAN THE FUCKING SERIAL KILLER THAT TRIED TO KILL HIM AND RUBY

Somewhat props to Qrow and Clover for trying to diffuse the situation innitially in favor of DEALING WITH THE KILLER FIRST and going to Atlas to sort things out with James. But uh, I haven’t liked Robyn since the beginning and honestly it’s her fucking fault for this by refusing to back off of Clover even though he and Qrow were ON TRACK AND WILLING to cooperate with each other to get to Atlas safely and deal with Tyrian. But she just wouldn’t give it up. I like characters, especially women, that fight for the people as much as the next guy but Robyn’s tactics (while it’s valid and necessary to resort to stealing and violence when up against oppression) has ALWAYS been to pick fights. Even when talking things out, she just has this attitude with people that she wants to pick a fight with them and it’s been super annoying. Since Clover initially wouldn’t tell her abt Amity she’s consistently been refusing to listen or hear other people out and try to cooperate even after Blake and Yang confided in her. But still when it all went to shit Clover should have given up on apprehending Qrow to, idk, FUCKING FIGHT THE KILLER.

Y’ALL WANTED TO TALK ABOUT WANTING TO BE FRIENDS SO BAD JUST FUCKING BE FUCKING FRIENDS FOR THE TWO MINUTES YOU’D NEED TO DEAL WITH TYRIAN AND THEN FIGHT EACH OTHER.

But calming down. I’m not really gonna call this one a Bury Your Gays, and while I’m as tired of it as the rest of you as a gay person, and fucking pissed that this is what they chose to do with Clover and a new relationship with some of the most potential, we all have to remember that from a hard standpoint this volume was already written and done with before we got our hands on the ship, and if they really were intending on the friends thing at first, they couldn’t just rework the volume’s whole ending to appease some tidbits that people saw between two characters. But I’m still angry, they still could have done it different. But I’m numb to it and not gonna cry over spilled milk and accuse the show writers of all kinds of bullshit because it’s not worth it. What’s done is done. I hope they do better.

But Clover was also scraping the barrel on our part for the rep, WE’re the ones that hyped him up and he was set up as a trusted loyal ally of Ironwood from the beginning and we’re all acting surprised that he made his choices.

We were all HOPING Clover wouldn’t follow Ironwood, but it’s not like we were seriously lead to believe he would, and Clover’s choice to blindly follow got him killed in an unfortunate circumstance. He walked and talked like he was completely loyal to Ironwood and if he wasn’t going to (surprise) be completely loyal to Ironwood, they would have built that hesitance and questioning up more. Fuck, MARROW was more hesitant to fight than Clover was.

That being said, what I am most upset and kind of mad about was how cruel it was for them to rescind all of Qrow’s growth and budding happiness, even if it was just in finding a good friend, one that had good luck and he didn’t really have to worry about him getting hurt by his misfortune. Someone who actually forced Qrow to see the good things he’s done and should be rewarded for when pretty much everyone has been putting him down up until now. While real life struggles like addiction ARE an on and off fight, In fiction it can get repetetive and somethings NEED to be put behind characters and resolved. If Qrow goes back to drinking Season 8’s gonna look a lot like season 6 but worse for our birb and with stakes rising and bigger fish to fry I don’t think anyone will have the patience to help him this time

100% pleased with every other part of the episode, ESPECIALLY Winter and Penny, the complexity of those two’s interactions was very intriguing and hopefully if not them, SOMEONE will fucking kill Cinder next week because she hasn’t been interesting as a villain since Volume 4. 100% pleased with RWBY vs the Ace Ops. Wasn’t expecting Elm to go off so hard. I like that RWBY has confidence in themselves and have proven they really aren’t just students or children anymore and that they can and will hold their own and they’ll win too. They’ve improved so well as fighters and I think the establishment of them as the strongest is key for why they’re the heroes of the story. If they weren’t going to end up as the best why would focus on them and not a more powerful group to oppose Cinder. AND proving that their bonds are what gave them that victory. The Ace Ops were demolished the second there was even a fraction of dissonance in them because they refused to be friends and cooperate and trust each other beyond their jobs, so their teamwork crumbled because Marrow and even slightly Vine were hesitant while Harriet and Elm were off the walls. Other than that, im maybe .5% pleased with THAT whole...Thing, ONLY because they were actually on their way to calming down and backing off before Tyrian crashed the plane.

It was 99% phenomenal and 1% bad choices but the gravity of that choice made the episode like, 20% less enjoyable than it should have been over all.

Here’s hoping that good luck kicks in and Clover still has a chance.

#rwby volume seven #rwby spoilers #ace ops #clover ebi #qrow branwen

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

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maknaesdancersrappers · 5 years

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Attempt #1: Tell it to them straight

wc: 1,826

<<prologue

The mini gathering for your birthday was almost dying down after eating dinner everyone worked on together prior the surprise, a couple of movies, and a handful of group games like monopoly and charades. For most of the night, you had been juggling entertaining Jaehyun whenever he tries to catch your attention and Taeyong, just to make sure he’s not out of place.

You ran into him in the mall and when you introduced him to your mom, she immediately suggested to have him come over for dinner that really confused you but Taeyong didn’t seem to be fazed about it and agreed when you asked him. It only made sense when your friends surprised you that your mom was inviting Taeyong to the party and when you quickly asked Taeyong if he knew, he said Jangmi might have let it slip to him the other day.

You didn’t even know they knew each other.

Jaehyun, on the other hand, was becoming slightly annoyed at how you kept changing your attention from him to Taeyong that Jangmi had to divert Taeyong’s attention away sometimes so your attention on Jaehyun wouldn’t be so divided.

Halfway through a movie while Jangmi was coming back from the bathroom and Jaehyun was refilling their popcorn bowls for everyone, she approaches him as inconspicuous as possible to avoid anyone noticing.

“You’re starting to look jealous and a little possessive.”

Jaehyun grimaces, “I am not.”

“Look, just tell her as soon as you can once we all leave. If you want, I can leave after this movie and maybe I can get Taeyong to leave as well, like, start a chain reaction so you can finally tell her.”

“Would you really? But wait, what am I going to do and say?”

Jangmi exhales, rolling her eyes, “I’m not the one in love with her to tell you what to say. Just end your misery, Jaehyun. Just tell it to her straight.”

She takes one of the bowls he’s already replenished and pats his back, “You got this, man.”

After the movie ended and a quick discussion about the plot and characters, Jangmi nods at Jaehyun before announcing, “Hey, my brother is home alone so I should probably head back now. Happy birthday again, [Y/N].”

You’re genuinely upset that she’s leaving because despite the fact she’s the girl Jaehyun likes, you’re starting to understand why. She’s fun to be with, but also taking the role of being the ‘mom’ friend of the group. “You can bring him some cake! There’s a lot left over. Let me prepare it for you.”

“It’s getting late, I’ll take you home.” Taeyong quietly says, rising up from his seat.

Once you had packed a slice of cake in some disposable tupperware for Jangmi’s brother, you walk them out after they waved the others goodbye. “Do you live near each other?”

Jangmi glances up at Taeyong, “Our apartment complexes are in front of each other.”

“Oh, well, you guys take care! Thanks for coming.” After you see them off, the rest start leaving as well; except Jaehyun and the twins who helped clean up the place. When you assured the twins they could leave, you were left alone with Jaehyun just like always.

He’s smiling at you with his lips pursed, standing in the middle of the room looking almost anxious as he waits for you.

“You okay?”

“Do you want your present now?”

“A present? The party wasn’t it?” You feigned innocence, gesturing to the now cleared out living room. “Jae, you shouldn’t have.”

He chuckles, shaking his head. “It’s in your room. Come on.”

You let him take your hand, trying not to make a big deal out of it, “You were in my room? Jaehyun! How dare you!”

“It’s not like I haven’t let myself in before.” He shrugs, opening the door to your room and leading you to the middle of the room. “I hope you didn’t buy anything similar to this.”

“What is it?” You watch him round the corner of your bed and kneel down to get something from below, instantly your blood goes cold: did he see the gift Yebin get you last year?

“Close your eyes!”

You do as you’re told, putting your palms over your eyes and patiently wait. You could hear his soft footsteps padding closer to you before he clears his throat.

“Happy birthday!”

You pull your hands away and look down at his hands, eyeing the peach-colored wrapped box. “What is it?”

Jaehyun motions for you to sit down, “Open it.”

Both of you sit on the edge of your bed. He places the gift on your lap before you begin picking at the tape that held the wrapper together. “Why am I nervous?” You laugh at how your fingers were shaking.

“I’m nervous, too! What if someone got you a similar gift or maybe you it for yourself?”

“I haven’t gotten myself a gift and everyone else’s gifts are in the living roo-” You finally peeled back the cute paper off and gasp at the familiar logo that peeks beneath it. “No, you didn’t… Jae - this has got to be a prank.”

With the wrapping now completely off, you stare down at the camera box in your hands. It was heavy - just like how a regular camera would weigh, but; “What is this, really?”

Jaehyun laughs, “What do you think it is? Can’t you read? It’s a camera!”

“It can’t be! This is expensive! How did you even afford this?” You start opening the box with utmost care. This was one of the new releases of the camera brand you were comfortable using and you were very aware of it’s price. “Where did you get the money to pay for this?”

“Savings, a few part time jobs, mostly loaned from my dad.” He sounds a little regretful at the last words, “But don’t worry about that. Do you like it?”

“Like it?” You cried, “Jaehyun, I love it! This is way too much!”

“You told me about that photography workshop you’re attending this summer and I thought I’d give you a new camera after I saw you browsing for a new one the other week.”

You were. You desperately needed a new camera so while you waited for Jaehyun after his basketball practice, you had multiple tabs open on your laptop to canvas for something you can afford and he had probably seen it over your shoulder. “I don’t think saying thank you is enough.”

“If you’re happy with it, then that’s enough.”

You spring up to your feet after moving the box off and walk over to your desk with camera in hand. You pop a spare SD card into it and turn it on, removing the lens cap from it and pointing it towards Jaehyun. “Smile!”

He puts a ‘V’ sign up with his fingers and flashes a grin before you press on the shutter button and take his photo.

“How is it?”

“Beautiful - ugh! It’s amazing.” You sigh while checking the photo you just took.

“Thanks.” Jaehyun jokes, clicking his tongue as he stands up, “I’d like to thank my parents for my genes.”

Rolling your eyes, you turn the camera off and set it down on your desk. As you turn back to Jaehyun, you throw your arms around his shoulders. “You’re the best, Jae. I love you so much.”

Both of you are thankful that you don’t see each other’s faces after those last five words. Jaehyun is suddenly reminded to confess to you while you’re trying to continue the sentence to make it nonchalant.

“What did I do in my past life to deserve you?”

His hands are running up and down your back to reciprocate the hug before he starts pulling away and clearing his throat. “[Y/N]... listen, I…”

Your heart drops, you feel like an idiot. He has feeling for someone else and here you are throwing yourself at him like this even though you meant it in a platonic way. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

Jaehyun frowns at you, “What? No, [Y/N], wait-”

The doorbell rings and you quickly excuse yourself to get it, nevertheless he follows you out. It was his mom, ruefully telling him about how the puppy made a mess in their hallways, and as they had agreed upon, Jaehyun is in charge of cleaning up after it.

He cusses under his breath, just quiet enough so his mom wouldn’t hear, “Okay, I’ll go clean it up.”

His mom greets you with a sweet smile, leaning over to give you a hug as Jaehyun dejectedly walks out. They both wish you a good night and the last thing you see is Jaehyun looking regretful.

“I messed it up; I think I sounded like I was going to reject her.” Jaehyun whines as he scrubs the part of the floor his puppy pooped on with a call with Jangmi (and Minkyung, since he interrupted their own phone call) on speaker. “Should I just call her now or text her?”

“No, you idiot! Don’t you dare confess via phone. You need to do that face to face.” Jangmi scolds. “Oh, I bet she’s hurt right now.”

“Jang!”

“I’m stating facts! Look, just try again tomorrow. Before you guys head out for school, just stop her and tell her you love her.”

Minkyung cuts in, “What? That’s it? After the shitty emotions he put her through? Jae, you better confess in a grand manner. Think bouquets! Doves! Fireworks!”

“I just spent over a thousand dollars for her gift, I don’t think I can even afford her a rose if I wanted.”

“Nothing extreme. Build up simple little acts of love and then confess. Ignore Minkyung, just go with your guts, Jae.”

“Hey! I just want the best for [Y/N].”

Jaehyun huffs, stretching out his back after being hunched over on the floor, groaning at the cracks it made, “I do, too, Kyung, you know that. I’ll try again tomorrow, thanks.”

After he hangs up and puts away the cleaning supplies, he scoops the sleeping puppy off the floor and lays it on his bed before he gets in beside it. He runs his thumb over the pup’s head, watching it slip back to sleep after making itself comfortable.

Although Jangmi’s suggestions were easier to do, he can’t help but agree with Minkyung; he can’t do this half-assed. Based on your journal entries, he’s really put you through difficult emotions that’s putting a gap between the two of you. He noticed how distant you’ve been or awkward with him the past weeks and he’s definitely sensed that you and Taeyong have been getting closer; even though you haven’t been on the date he got from the auction.

Was he jealous? Maybe. Just enough to fuel his desire of winning your affection back and be able to confess. He only hopes it isn’t too late.

>>the second attempt

#jaehyun scenarios #nct scenarios #14WTSYLTT #14Ways2

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kerryrhp-blog · 5 years

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INTRODUCTION TO BUSINESS COMMUNICATIONS BSPB104

Week 1 Introduction to business communications as a subject, by itself, could be a challenge. The sense of self-awareness on my behalf, facing what I personally feel, is one of my weakness. Writing at academic levels could be an issue, but a nice challenge to take on if to grow a new personal skill refers to. According to Dwyer (2016, p. 2), ‘successful people are communication-oriented in both professional and personal contexts’; and who wouldn’t like to be successful? What would require?... time management and mindset will be academic skills to acquire, exercising my critical and creative thinking. Be able to listen, learn and apply at this stage of my life feels stimulating. Seen from another perspective, to prevent surprises along the way and develop as much as possible these skills, new study habits should be in place. And I am aware that if my “communication skills” problem isn’t subsided by the time I have a career in sport, it can have consequences in my professional performance; especially if I am working with people or even worst-case scenario would be if I work for Media. This search for a new pathway in life will threat my comfort zone to the maximum, but the personal reward could still be my best pride. Dwyer, J 2016, The business communication handbook, 10th edn, Cengage Learning Australia, South Melbourne, VIC. Week 3

Criticism is not only constructive but the backbone for personal improvements. And for us, as students, receiving feedback is the single most influential factor that shapes both their personal and professional growth (Miller, Sawatzky & Chernomas 2018, p. 465). I have done an oral presentation as part of an assessment, which unveils further weakness in my communication skills. But information if not properly analyze, does not prosper. Then, observing back, I can assume that matching my communication ideas with my emotions as a storyteller, enhance the understanding of an audience. According to Dwyer (2016, p. 2), ‘communication is any behavior– verbal or non-verbal that is perceived by another’. I felt that from the moment I was standing in front of the audience by myself (as I was the only person with no group assigned) my presentation started. The situation forced me to show myself as calm as I could possibly be. I believe, my nonverbal gestures and presence settled a silence during the presentation that remained until the end. The general feedback and perception by the audience were mostly positive, but I think predisposed with kindness, by the fact of been doing the presentation without the support of a team or group. Still the consistent ‘group feedback’ leads to assuming, that the balance between the information presented and personal point of view, was seemed as very constructive and engaging. An understanding of my grammatical English limitations deserves attention; but the motivation received by a third person (Lecturer), and the unconditional side of my presentation as a ‘’fan’’, helped to deliver an ‘interesting’ presentation, with much ‘’room’’ for improvements.

Dwyer, J 2016, The business communication handbook, 10th edn, Cengage Learning Australia, South Melbourne, VIC. Miller, Sawatzky & Chernomas 2018, ‘Clinical faculty development initiative: Providing student feedback’, Journal of Professional Nursing, vol. 34, no.6, pp. 463–469.

Week 5 Generally, motivation has been at high levels. I enjoy every subject and can’t stop daydreaming in how to apply the knowledge in real life experiences. The support from teachers is essential to feel comfortable to ask for help or support when it needs it. The quality of my work still does not meet my expectations. But the support from the people that surround me, keeps me looking forward to my objective, and only forward. It may sound simple, but one of the valuable lessons I’m learning in the modern era we live in, is that allows me or any person, to access all kind services and information. Not less important, from where to get this information, as finding the right resource have been the highlight of my learnings. Time management continues to be the factor to improve, as still is very difficult to adjust my work hours and divide them with studies. Early mornings hours of study have been changed to night-time, as I find the silence of my environment helping me to concentrate better. Maybe in the long term won’t work, as some of the times, the daily activities leave me too tired to focus as I should (at that time of the night).

Week 7 The privilege of receiving feedback, precisely from each essay or assessment correction from lectures, through the online documents, give us as students, the knowledge of exactly (‘view inline feedback’) which aspects we can improve. But, ‘’feedback must be processed deeply and be accepted in order to have an effect on performance’’ (Crommelinck & Anseel, 2013 p. 237). I will add to the quote, that the feedback will be more accurate if retrieve from a knowledgeable source or successful story, experience or person. Usually, I reinforce the idea that ‘’I’m right’’ until proof contrary, but looking back in my life, the times I build up ‘’a skill’’ the most, was when consistently received and accommodate constructive feedback or training into my task or job; even that sometimes I struggle to differentiate my opinion with what’s ‘’politically’’ correct. Overall, the results of some of the assessments and assignments have been optimum, especially the assessments in a group for Sport in Australia subject, where some of the times I felt it didn’t represent the effort I was making to get as high marks as possible (within my capabilities). But reflecting in one of the Lecturer comments in class, she said, this experiences in the group, will in the future, represent an example of a future job environment, where working in the group for an objective, will be part of the daily routines. Makes me aware for next time, that the need for a better understanding of how delegating roles/responsibilities, will improve the communications for a common objective and better result.

Crommelinck, M. & Anseel, F., 2013, ‘Understanding and encouraging feedback-seeking behaviour: a literature review’, Medical education, vol. 47, no.3, pp.232–41. Holmesglen, 2019, Brightspace, viewed 25 May 2019, https://holmesglen.brightspace.com/d2l/le/userprogress/510135/231035/Summary?searchString=&sortField=LastName&sortDirection=0 Week 9 Applying protocols and conventions of academic writing to support my assessments continues to be a skill in progress. Writing introductions and conclusions imitating an academic document will for sure be appreciated by an employer in the future. Referencing and citing may look simple at first, but the potential to know how to use it properly could lead me in the future to publish legally and with academic integrity for a club or company. Developing editing and proofreading skills are a must to keep training my English limitations. I recently applied for a Football course and my application was sent late for the due day of the registration. In my opinion, the professionalism of how I contacted the person in charge, was key to an optimum result in the end. The communication skills developed as writing, language, and vocabulary influenced an appropriate level of the interaction. But in general, the feeling that what I’m writing is more credible and professional feels remarkable. Be clearer in my communication skills, gives me a feeling of satisfaction and accurate improvement.

Dwyer, J 2016, The business communication handbook, 10th edn, Cengage Learning Australia, South Melbourne, VIC. Week 11 Auto-reflection skills, referring to improve studies habits are showing good progress, although, not as much as I would desire. The essays results are acceptable, but not the standard I expected. Missing on easy points as referencing correctly makes me upset. Or not refer to the task instructed by the guidelines of an essay to make sure I’m on the right track, more than once by now, cost me valuable time to re-write, leaving not enough time to edit or proofread. A learning curve that takes perseverance, patience and time management. However, I do have to mention the feeling of relief once a task is completed and submitted. In an instant, with the click of a button, hours of work are on the way to be evaluated. The highlight and reward to so many dedicated hours must be that the Lecturer from Business Communications, who awarded me of the visible improvements in the way I wrote assessments at the beginning of the year, compared to the last one submitted. Managing assessments, essays, and reports require a discipline that I'm still learning to structure. Week 13 With completing the first semester of the Bachelor of Sport Business, I was able to benefit from a variety of new knowledge from the classmates and lecturers and books, as well as refresh my memory on things that I already knew, but now feel that I wasn’t applying them as it should. The biggest hurdle in the course for me was balancing time between my personal work life and studies, so completing assignments on time was and still is a challenge for me. I have not come to a full solution to this problem yet, but I did make changes in my life as to how I can manage time differently for next semester, including re-assigning work hours only to weekends. I found that it was easier for me to focus at night-time, but with a strictly responsible attitude to accurate manage time before I get too exhausted. With hurdles came hidden strengths I discovered about myself. I’ve never thought of myself as a charismatic person, but in more than one occasion, I found that I could do a better use of my personality, combined with the knowledge, sounds like a recipe I want to emulate. If I have the opportunity in the future, I feel I will communicate my ideas to the group/audience in a cleaner method, or in group work, try to balance the ideas of others so the group can come to an agreement upon the decision and divert task and responsibilities to avoid miscommunication. The sense of purpose motivated me to force my best every time, even if it wasn’t up to the levels required. The learning strategies, online services (StudioCity as an example), the library (Holmesglen) staff advocating time to asses my needs and questions have been another motivator to aim for the best of my capabilities. The cooperation with other students added always a different perspective to my view. All of these behaviors made massive progress in this first semester. Endorsing many of these actions will help to structure my academic behavior, for the second part of the year. Image reference: Lamb, S, Maire, Q & Doecke, E 2017, Key skills for the 21st Century: an evidence-based review, viewed 15 May 2019, http://education.nsw.gov.au/our-priorities/innovate-for-the-future/education-for-changing-world/research-findings

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darveyfics · 6 years

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COuld you please write a 7.12 fic related please plaease im sorry for bothering you

So this is the scene of the two of them drinking together and listening to his father’s records. The one piece of context somebody might not know is that during a flashback to Harvey’s childhood in this episode Gordon’s band is playing a song called “Boppin’ with Donna”.

Sometimes I like to write a fic that starts on nothing and goes nowhere, you know, like the show. I hope it’s not too bad - Maria

Reticent

“Rememberwhen-”

“Ido.”

“Youdidn’t let me finish.”

Shechuckles, looks over at him with an eyebrow raised cockily “Really?”

Hersmugness stirs something beneath his chest, a warmth, a momentum only she canprovoke. It makes him feel guilty, the intimacy and precision in the way sheaffects him, dangerous. He swallows it down, dry and thick. Feigns indifferencehe figures she sees right through.

He rollshis eyes, “Sure, what was I saying?”

“Youwere going to ask if I remember another time we heard this song,” there’s notease in it but perhaps a little nostalgia, she understands his resistance tospar, she always understands.

Henods unspoken gratitude even though their agreements are supposed to beentirely elusive. A tired sighs pours out of him feeling the weight of theirrecent misunderstandings then, like fifty pounds sitting on his chest, stealinghis breath. He forces himself to shake it off “With my dad,” he meant todistract from the choking way he thinks about her now, in these increasinglyrare moments, like the two of them, as a unit, are fading, but it outs in awhisper like it is holy. In some ways, he figures it is.

“Withyour dad,” She agrees quietly, lovingly, a reflection of the sanctity in hisvoice refracted and divided like light into purer, more colorful sentiment.

Shehas always been better at this than he, better at feeling his feelings.

Therecord gasps and stops, saddling them with imperfect silence, the hum of thecity, ghosts and blurred edges. Harvey reaches over and lifts the needle beforeit can sing again.

Heleans back into the cushions, rolls his wrist until the amber in his tumblerspirals like a drain. His mind swirls and sinks with it, struck by a memory.

“Firsttime you heard it, right?” He asks almost sweetly; halting the swirl by rollingthe glass the other way he turns to her slowly.

Pastblends into present, he blames the scotch for seeing two of her overlapped. Oneexists minus ten years with longer hair and brighter clothes, bangs and a lotless complication; the other has been wearing black for the last week andhasn’t made him coffee in a year.

Hewonders who he would pick, fleetingly; knows without a doubt he would chooseher now, whenever now is. The most important thing has always been that she stays.

Donnasmiles, “Yeah, and he had the brass to say it was for me,” She reminisces,leaning forward. She pours herself another dose. The crystalline sound of thebottle touching the edge of glass ricochets across empty space prettily; theirtheme song.

“Itis your name in the title,” Harvey argues with faux gravity, still seeingdouble. In his mind’s eye, her dress is purple and his father’s voice ischarming, he never missed a beat with her.

“Itjust happens to precede my arrival by a couple of decades,” She counters.

Harveyscoffs, “Your arrival?”

Shenods “Yes, the amazing, life changing day, you met me,” she declares grandly.

He agreesbut cannot agree, “Seriously?”

Sheputs one hand on her chest, mouth agape, the picture of over-dramatic outrage“Oh, I’m sorry, we just established I was prophesied.”

“Inever said that.”

“Ithink you did.”

“No,I didn’t.”

Donnastraightens herself, crossing her legs and resting her hands on top of eachother on her knee, she stares him down seriously “Your honor, I think thedefendant is aiming for a perjury indictment.”

Harveysnorts a laugh, surprised as she sparks to life the old routine, there’sdelight but also an ache to it as they flex muscles they haven’t used forlonger than he had realized, “I believe the prosecution is distorting theevents,” he rebuttals setting down his glass to focus.

Donna narrows hereyes, pretends to look down at imaginary papers and push up glasses she doesn’tneed, “Mr. Specter, do you deny the day you met me was life changing?”

Harvey rolls hiseyes, “Really?” He whines.

“Plead the fifth?”She offers defiantly.

“Coward’s move andyou know it,” he chastises.

“If the shoe fits,”she says, reaching for her glass and taking a sip that does not break eyecontact. He watches the glimmer of humor in her hazel eyes and only marginallyremembers this is exactly what he was supposed to be avoiding.

“Whether you did ordidn’t is not the point, the point is I never said it,” he argues smugly.

“Well, well,” Donnastarts, leaning back with poise and pride, resting her forearms on the arms ofthe chair and drumming her fingers on the edges reflexively, “I see we havelowered ourselves to technicalities. Cheap.”

Harvey smiles, “Aslong as it gets results.”

“No honor,” she nods disapprovingly,though a laugh is edging behind her lips.

It is something elsehe has not seen in a while, this specific expression, he wonders if they reallyhave been fading or if he just hasn’t been paying attention. Which reminds him.

“My father did writea song for you,” he blurts out.

Donna lets the laughfly, he has heard it plenty but it is still welcoming warm familiarity, “No, hedidn’t,” She tells him like it is sure and obvious, like he has had too much todrink.

“He did,” Harveyinsists, wondering how he could forget, though maybe he is stretching thetruth, “He kinda did,” He corrects himself.

Donna raises aneyebrow, sustaining her suspicion “Kinda?”

“He never recorded it.It was a draft,” he reveals, “He said he got inspired out of the blue one day,”Harvey sinks into the memory, he himself only heard it once.

It was at his father’sapartment during a damp New York summer afternoon and they had run out of otherthings to talk about. Gordon hesitated to play him the song, kept explaining himself.Harvey mostly thought it was funny, “He asked me not to tell you,” He hadn’tand then it had never come up again, “I’m sorry, I forgot,” he apologizes and turnsto find her eyes, they’re glossed over with unshed tears. He blinks andrealizes so were his when wet warmth rolls down his cheeks.

“Did he write itdown?” It moves the very ground he stands on that that is the first thing sheasks, that she misses his father too.

It hurts all the moreto have to answer, “If he did, I never found it.”

She sighs, “If you do,it’s mine,” assertive but kind.

He sees the purple dressagain and bright red hair cascading over it as she throws her head back tolaugh at Gordon’s blunt flirting, “Of course,” he whispers so gravely it feelsmore binding than any contract. He could not deny her most things, much lessthis.

Donna nods, takes adeep breath and lets it out slowly, “You really killed the casual mood,” shejabs.

Harvey smiles, shakeshis head, “Sorry.”

“It’s okay, I wantedto know, I just wish you hadn’t done the job halfway,” she says it between asmile, it is a joke, an absolution, but he can see the edge of disappointmentin her eyes. He cannot read them as perfectly but that is a look he has alwaysbeen afraid of and paradoxically only grown more familiar with. He needs to dissolveher ache.

“Hey,” he whispers,reaching for one of her hands and stopping short of touching, they have kissedand hugged but he doesn’t know where they draw this new line, if meaning it toomuch violates its borders, “I am sorry,” he tells it from his core and watchesher drink it into hers.

“It’s okay,” sheanswers, her fingers tremble, itching to bridge the gap between them, insteadshe recoils not wanting the blame for breaking them again just for trying toinch closer, “It’s okay.”

They are too tangled,metaphorically, sometimes he wonders if he can even shake her off withouthollowing himself out, wonders if she feels the same. He is selfish enough towish she does, it would mean some kind of barrier from the searing pain ofbeing left. He is selfless enough to also wish she doesn’t for a chance tonever hurt her again with his careless needs.

He should not be thinkingabout any of that, “We finished the bottle,” he points out flatly, stealing aglance at the half inch of scotch left inside the glass.

She follows his gaze,“We almost did,” Donna says andreaches for the neck, downs the rest in one gulp, “There, now it’s done,” Hewatches with bemused surprise as she sets the empty Macallan back on his centretable, turns it between her fingers to ponder the label, “At least it was justa 12 year.”

“You say that like itmakes us less drunk,” he remarks, covering her hand on the bottle with hiswithout thinking, without pretense, just to turn it to him so he can also read.Hers falls away a second later, he wonders if it means she is afraid to touchhim now, hopes not.

“It doesn’t,” sheagrees, “I think I’m tired,” she says and points it with a yawn.

“You think?” Harveysmiles affectionately, “Are you brewing a hangover?” He asks, mildly worried.He knows scotch can upset her stomach and that she hates to vomit, he alsoknows she has some secret hangover cure she never told him about because itwould ‘encourage his bad habits’. How the tables have turned; he is barelydizzy.

“Are you asking thatas my boss or my friend?” She interrogates, side eyeing him suspiciously.

“Both,” because he isboth, needs her there tomorrow morning but also cares if she will be miserablethe entire night.

“I’ll be late, butI’ll be fine,” she bargains.

His eyebrows knighttogether, “You don’t have to come in,” the complacency is immediate, so muchfor thinking he can accept her misery.

One corner of herlips pulls up, she wants to say that is not the business-wise decision “I’ll behere,” she reassures him instead. She is a little disappointed in herself forbeing so averse to letting him down even in small ways.

Donna smoothes outthe skirt of her dress and stands on surer legs than the half bottle she drank wouldhave anyone guess.

“Already?Lightweight,” He teases, sneaking a glance at his watch, a quarter to midnight.

“I thought you had tobe home an hour ago,” She bites back, the implication is a double-edged sword,reminds him he has someone waiting; reminds her that she does not.

Harvey presses hislips together and watches his hands intently. She sighs, taking pity on him,like always.

“Sorry, I need Advil,”she breathes out tiredly.

He nods, “You’reright,” he says without meeting her eyes, “Good night.”

Donna considers him,them. She is tired and dizzy and has a headache brewing behind her eyes; it isnot her job to heal him, it never really was, “You know, I was wondering,” Shestarts and waits until he looks at her again, “Would I make a good lawyer?” ahand outstretched, it isn’t her job,she volunteers to save him.

Harvey allows himselfa small smile, “Thinking about going to law school?”

She scoffs, “God no.”

His eyebrows shootup,”Excuse me?”

She rolls her eyes,“You know what I mean.”

He does. He takes apause to think on it “You wouldn’t,” he answers earnestly.

She is mildlysurprised; Donna narrows her eyes at him, “Not smart enough?” As if, she isfishing and he knows it, she wants him to know it.

Harvey snorts alaugh, “You’d overachieve I’m sure,” it is what she wanted to hear, theexpected, but he isn’t done “Too good,” He adds, “You’re… too good,” headmits softly, with candid admiration.

Her breath hitches,he can do that sometimes, when it’s almost midnight and he knows she will dohim the courtesy of not bringing it up in the morning.

“You’re a goodperson, Harvey,” their lives might be easier if she could not read him sofluently.

He presses his lipstogether and shifts his eyes to the floor, index anxiously thrumming the glassstill in his hand, “Not always,” he made a lot of mistakes, can’t tell whichone is knocking on his conscience the loudest right now, “Not like you.”

“Well,” she startsgood-naturedly, “Nobody is like me,” Donna brags jokingly.

Harvey smiles andshakes his head “I’ll drink to that,” he announces and empties his tumbler.

She watches and sighs,feeling the prickle of the headache intensify, “Now it’s good night.”

He nods, “It is,” heagrees without looking.

She can feel histhoughts, his regrets, makes it hard to detach, “Are you okay enough toremember your address?” She teases, hanging back, a subtle way to ask if he isokay.

He snorts, “Sharp asa razor, I just…” he lingers, deciding if he wants to keep her “I think I’lllisten to a few more,” He admits, “Since nobody else will from now on.”

He hardly ever makesit easy on her.

Donna sighs, crossinghis office to pour herself a glass of water. She takes a pill from her bag nextto it and swallows it down with one sip, then moves to the window where therecords are stacked and lifts two of her favorites, “Which one?”

Harvey almost offersher an out, but there is no point in pretending he does not still need herthere, that he didn’t choose the words to make her stay “Left,” he picks andshifts on his seat, reaching for it.

She pulls the vinyloff the sleeve and hands it to him, waits until he gently trades the one on therecord player for it before going back to her seat. Once she’s settled Harveylets the needle drop and his office fills with his father’s music.

“I miss him,” hewhispers like he is trying to hide the confession in between the notes.

Donna closes hereyes, leans her head back until she’s facing the ceiling and breathes it in, “Iknow,” she answers.

They don’t speakagain except to mumble simple goodbyes an hour later, giving life permission togo on unhinged at dawn.

Being understood isenough.

#darvey #suits usa #dailydarvey #donna x harvey #darvey fic #author: Maria #can ya'll believe im not dead #reply would ya #i need fuel to finish a fic about their dance and one about his mom

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xloveyouanywayx · 6 years

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Day 2

I woke up this morning feeling sad but I couldn’t cry. I wish I could, I just feel empty. My chest is heavy and my throat is tight and closed. I feel like I’m choking on sobs that just won’t come out.

I was doing yoga and thoughts of you kept popping up. I don’t know how or why. They didn’t even relate to anything really. I saw myself walking to the Sugarhouse park for lunch. I saw the little museum where we stopped during our 3-day weekend and where we picked up maps. The rest, I don’t really remember. They are just fleeting visions of the past and I can’t barely hold on to them.

Then you sent me a snapchat. I heard the ding and was convinced it was Scotty. I was expecting a picture of his new-built shelves. I was thinking about how I could respond in a friendly way without engaging in a conversation or getting him confused. But it turned out to be you and seeing your name just made me cry. It felt good to cry. I just can’t understand why you would reach out like this. Are you trying to tell me that you miss me or are you trying to act like nothing happened? It hurt to see you reaching out because I’m trying to stay away and you’re not helping. But I’m not strong enough yet to push you away. And that picture, it confused me. Clean-shaved face for the first time in seven years. Why? Why would you need to shave? Is it like a new haircut, a way to feel different? I couldn’t help but noticing that you had missed a spot on your right cheek. I also noticed your eyes and your smile. The smile was too big to be real and your eyes looked more in pain than happy. Or maybe I just saw what I wanted to see. I didn’t respond. What could I have sent you anyway? At the time, I felt and looked like shit. I could have sent you a picture of me crying, asking why you keep torturing me. But I didn’t want to engage. And I didn’t want to push you away.

I had my second lecture today and I wore my glasses in hopes of hiding the bags under my eyes. I don’t know if I did a good job. It felt weird, uncomfortable.

During the class, I could also feel my heart beating fast so I tried to measure it. I counted 88 beats per minute but I might have miscounted a little. The average for a woman my age is between 66 and 69. I was definitely over.

How are you doing ok? How isn’t your heart broken in millions of pieces like mine? How is this fair? Were you so unhappy that now you are finally relieved? Are you relieved? Did this make your life easier? Why did I go on your Instagram to see what you had liked? Why would I hurt myself like this? Because all I see is that life continues and when I feel like I’m stuck, it is just overwhelming. It almost makes me want to reach out, just to check that you are miserable too. But I can’t. I shouldn’t.

I wish you would listen to Dodie’s songs and to the Head to Heart podcasts. I think they would help.

This episode 3 is on trauma. They say that traumas are wounds left inside our hearts that keep us from leaving in wholeness. When you have an unhealed wound from your past, you tend to react like you would have then. Isn’t that what you experienced when these strangers insulted you? Or when Rachel threatens to abandon you and turn your friends against you? It is not your adult self making the decision then, but the twelve year-old boy who was bullied and just wanted for the world to love him. They divide it in two. Trauma A is when you didn’t get what you needed. In Your case, I’m thinking protection. From the bullies. For me, I’m thinking peace. In my home, I mean. It was always so tense and on the edge. I wish we could have had some quiet and safe times. They say that we should ask ourselves what’s the theme of our pain? What do we keep attracting? What do we use to numb the pain? Are you attracting rejection? Am I attracting abuse? Facing it requires accepting the conflict and the hurt, facing it. Trauma B relates to the things that shouldn’t have happened to you that did. For you, it for sure is the bullying. For me, I’m not really sure. I don’t know that I have experienced anything of the sort. They say that fixing the trauma is on us, not on the perpetrators. They say that we use coping mechanisms to survive the pain and that dividing and partitioning life into pain and function helps in the short term but that the coping mechanisms are only temporary and don’t heal the wounds. When not addressed, the trauma builds up a belief system that attracts more of the same trauma. The trauma that meant to be destructive, if not healed, comes out as destructive.

In the podcast, they talk about finding the pain pattern to understand what creates it and avoid repeating it. I thought about it a lot. For me the pattern is always the same. I get into a relationship, romantic or not, and get invested 100%. The person becomes my world and I give them everything I have. I plan my life around them and make myself completely available for them. Maybe I’m afraid they’re going to stop loving me. I anticipate their every move and do everything I can to please them. As a result, they push and push, and I give and give, until I’m about to break. It’s then only a question of opportunity. I don’t walk away first but when a moment comes that allows me not to come back, then I don’t. I end up hurt and feeling betrayed while the other person is left wondering what happened between us. What created this pattern? I’m not really sure. I guess part of it comes from my dad, and how afraid I was of him. Always walking on eggshells always worried he would get mad at me. I think it has lead me to anticipate people’s needs and to prioritize them before mine. If they’re happy, then everything will be ok. But it’s not true, because many of the things I end up doing, accepting, compromising, make me truly unhappy and I carry this unhappiness and bitterness with me until the moment comes when I can leave them and run away from the pain. Part of it probably also comes from being so close with my mom, so fusional in our relationship. She has been there for me at all times and has been my closest friend my whole life. I share with her everything. I don’t believe I have any secret for her. But this probably means that I approach my meaningful relationship like I have experienced my life with my mother. While your mother loves you unconditionally though, most people don’t. They tend to feel overwhelmed by the attention, the care, and the expectations.

You sent me another snap this afternoon, and I think it was a continuation of the first one since you were wearing a gas mask. I guess you needed to shave for it to be useful. Receiving it made me pretty upset. I was trying to be ok, I was holding on. It was weird, I couldn’t cry, but I could feel the pain inside. I guess your snap brought up the anger, the frustration, and the pain and allowed me to cry; for that it was good. I almost messaged you asking why you were not leaving me alone to heal but I couldn’t. For the first time however, you were online at the same time as I was. You came to the meeting place. So I said hi. I wanted to see what you wanted to say, why you were reaching out so much. I didn’t know if it meant you were ok and acting like nothing happened or if it was the complete opposite and you were trying to get back into my life, even just a little bit. Your response upset me some more. You said that this shaving was a big thing for you and that you wanted to share it with me one last time, although you knew you shouldn’t. What a lie. Why are you lying to me and to yourself? This is not a good reason to come break my heart again, just like me not hiking is not a good reason to break up with me. The truth is that you wanted to be in touch with me, you are afraid of losing me and you wish you could casually keep me into your life. I could let you do it, I kind of want to. It would make the next few weeks a lot easier. But I also know that it would make the next few months and maybe even years sheer torture. I don’t want to be another Rachel, Aimee, or Nicky. I’m not going to let you do this to me. I really hope that someday we can be part of each other’s life again but I will need to heal fully before I can do that. And I will try very hard to keep you out of my life until this happens. God, this makes me really sad. I don’t know that I can imagine a day when I’ll see you and hug you without regretting what we could have been. I know the whole reason I’m doing this is to make sure I never have any regrets about us, though. I just struggle to see how that’s possible right now. I was honest with you, I told you that you were hurting me and that you needed to stay away. I’m proud that I did. Last time, I wasn’t able to. I guess I have gained some autonomy, I am not as dependent as I thought I was. I reminded you that this was your decision, not mine. I guess this was my way of giving you the opportunity to change your mind, apologize, and come back to me. You didn’t take it. Probably because you didn’t want to, because you knew you had made the right decision and in pushing you away, I wasn’t allowing you to backtrack just enough for things to remain confusing. I think you know I was right. I still really wished you had told me you had made a mistake. I guess it’s too early to tell really. I asked that you dive into your pain and sorrow to allow yourself to heal. I don’t know that you’re gonna do it. I so wish I could push you and force you to do it because I know, I know deep down, that you want it and that it would help but you are just too stubborn, proud, and ashamed. To take on the process of healing, one needs to realize that they deserve to feel better and I don’t know that you do. And I can’t force that. I have already done my best to equip you with the tools you need and to open your eyes to the reality, there is no more I can do.

The last things I have are resources. I could send them to you but it would mean breaking my rules and reaching out. I don’t want to do that. Reaching out is reserved to the day I won’t be able to bear it anymore. Maybe I’ll use your visit to give it all to you, one last time, before we don’t see each other again. I have been thinking about sending them to Scotty or Ben, asking them to check with you and help you since I would no longer be able to but I’m worried it’s gonna come out as creepy and stalkerish. I guess I’m setting a rule for myself right now: no sending of the resources until I have seen where I am when you visit. If I see you and feel good, I’ll share them directly. If I don’t, I’ll send them to your friends. But maybe I will have caved before then and talked to you. Then we’ll see where the conversation leads.

I was watching this silly makeover video and they gave the guy jean shorts. It made me cry. A minute later, someone was wearing white RayBan sunglasses and I cried some more. It felt dumb.

I watched the last Avengers movie. Spoiler alert! Everybody dies. It felt a little overwhelming at first and then, just very plain. There was no time to mourn anybody and by the time the movie had ended, I knew there was going to be another one after that and a bunch of other MCU movies, so no one is for sure dead. It was good, just a little busy.

I cut my huge zucchinis in so many pieces that I gave myself a blister with the knife. Aren’t I the best of cooks?

Tomorrow I’m waking up early to go meet with some women farmers in hopes to involve them in my research. Fingers crossed!

#diary of a broken heart #Josh #I love you #I miss you

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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birthdaystranger · 4 years

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Birthday Stranger #9 (2020)

“It is true that those we meet can change us, sometimes so profoundly that we are not the same afterwards, even unto our names.”

— Pi Patel in Life of Pi by Yann Martel

First, thank you A.M. for taking time out of your life to meet with a complete stranger. Our conversation enriched my life. I wish you all the best.

There are three types of fencing: foil, épée & sabre - each a little different. A.M. had an early interest in fencing & got into it later in life. As I listened to her talk about fencing, it became obvious to me why sabre is her preferred discipline.

Though fencing may seem to have little in common with her current job in Human Resources, there’s a thread that runs through both & stitches her life together in a brilliant way. This thread consists of being proactive & utilizing all available resources.

A.M. spent her childhood outside of Peoria, Illinois with her parents & two younger sisters. She mentioned having varying degrees of relationships with them. As we talked about her childhood she mentioned how her family changed over the years after her parents’ divorce. A.M. cited her mother’s shift to a more progressive viewpoint as one outcome. From the interest & sincerity A.M. exhibited in our conversation it’s clear that A.M.’s mom raised her daughters to be ambitious mature women. “She's an amazing individual & sacrificed a lot for us,” is how A.M. describes her.

She & I had a wonderful discussion about the changes that growing up entails. A.M. told me that, now that she has moved closer to her mom again, she has received a number of boxes from her filled with personal items & old school projects. A.M. said some of the positions held in a few of those early school projects are completely cringe-worthy. She laughed when I quoted an unknown source; “You know you are growing as a person if you continue to look back & cringe at some of your decisions.” A few of her childhood dreams have remained the same though.

One example of A.M.’s ambition is from around age nine. She recalls an article from an airline magazine about the annual Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta held in New Mexico. The countless forms & colors of the balloons stuck with her over the years and is still a life goal of hers to experience. That location is actually marked on a map that she & her husband keep of places they would like to visit together.

Another example of her good upbringing is her mother’s urging her daughters to grow outside of their comfort zone. Each daughter studied abroad to this end. A.M. herself did this in Italy.

Her journey came with an unexpected turn. This is where her proactive nature ripened.

A.M. traveled to Italy & stayed with a host family for her study abroad program at the age of 17. Within the first month she accompanied the family on a trip to their own relatives in Croatia.

She commented that tensions within the host family grew shortly after departure & added: “I didn’t think anything of the arguing.”

These arguments gave rise to a full-blown family dispute upon return to Italy. The next morning A.M. woke to find herself in a nearly empty house. A family schism had formed overnight & everyone but the grandmother had moved out with their belongings.

Understandably upset, A.M. walked into town to access the internet & contact her mom to tell her what was going on. A.M. highlighted the time difference as her major obstacle. Her family would be sleeping between 3 & 4 AM central time.

She contacted a friend who happened to be up during those wee hours. This friend in turn phoned A.M.’s mother who finally connected with her daughter.

She managed to turn an unsettling situation into a positive & memorable experience thanks her being proactive & using the resources at hand; she traveled to Hungary to visit extended family then to England to spend some time with a friend of her mother’s before finally returning home. What she called, “not a full year but a good story,” is an understatement. Honestly, if this had happened to me at seventeen I’d probably have freaked the hell out.

“I had to stop hoping so much that a ship would rescue me. I should not count on outside help. Survival had to start with me. In my experience, a castaway’s worst mistake is to hope too much and to do too little. Survival starts by paying attention to what is close at hand and immediate. To look out with idle hope is tantamount to dreaming one’s life away.”

— Pi Patel in Life of Pi by Yann Martel

Her return to the states was a return to academia. A.M. majored in religious studies.

She said, “I’ve always [been] interested in people’s views on religion.” A.M. attributes these studies as what ‘broke’ her, as she put it, of Christianity. I find it interesting that she occasionally likes attending church to “see the [current] interpretation of what is read, what the pastor thinks is a good sermon & what the [believers] focus on.”

A.M.’s college also put her in contact with her now long-term interest of fencing. It is not an affordable sport, she explained. Though she could afford to join the college fencing club, enrollment had recently closed. Eager to hold a sword & ready to undertake any measure to make it happen she followed the coach’s advice of attending a weekend clinic held by the club. A.M. not only attended the entire two-day clinic but outlasted every other beginner. She made it in the club that day.

Though she combats irregularly, A.M. has coached & refereed sabre fencing for a handful of years. Her favorite age group to work with is 8 to 12 year olds. She says this is because they “understand what you want them to do & generally want to do what you tell them to do.” Her work in the sport reaches beyond overseeing individual fencers & bouts, however; as A.M. put it, “I see a need & just want to fill that need.”

Unhappy with increasing harassment in the sport, A.M. performed studies on sexual harassment & assault in fencing & has published her findings online.

A.M. did not consider marriage for most of her life. She said she had little interest in the type of relationship that eventually divided her parents. Consequently she lived a mostly autonomous life attending schools in different states. One longstanding male friend of hers, though, made a point to visit her in many of these places. This deepening friendship lead A.M. to ask herself if marriage was on the table.

Before that question could be answered their relationship had one more hurdle; while her partner lived in St. Louis, A.M. had just been accepted to grad school in New York. A.M. & her boyfriend managed not only to make the long distance thing work for two & a half years but also planned their life.

After earning her degree she moved to St. Louis. It was A.M.’s belief that moving in with her fiancée who already had a job & a house “made more sense.” This practical outlook is another example of her proactive nature.

Her grad school studies lead to her current position in human resources. A.M. credits a few “happy accidents” to the exact position she had at the time we met. She since has been promoted with expanded responsibilities. (Congratulations, A.M.!) She also may go back to school, citing: “the people who have the jobs I want in my department all have higher education than I do.”

Expanded responsibilities may sound daunting but she noted that she is usually a bearer of good news. I imagine working with the dynamics between an institution & a large number of employees utilizes similar skills as in sabre fencing: being proactive & taking advantage of available resources.

This is the thread I mentioned earlier. A.M. take on fencing also speaks to her approach to life: “What I like about sabre is its very proactive compared to épée & foil. You have to make the decision before the referee says fence...” Not to mention that sabre is different from the other disciplines in that strikes with the edge of the blade count in addition to strikes with the tip... that is, there is more to utilize during a bout.

This is a clear parallel to the way A.M. lives her life. Here’s another example: A.M. began crocheting recently to deal with increasing acute physical restlessness. She initially learned it from her mom’s mom, “Oma”. She found that keeping her hands busy helps her relax & allows her sit still for longer periods of time. Repetitive motion is quite meditative not to mention productive in this case - she’s got more sweaters & scarves now.

We also talked favorite movies. A.M. enthusiastically identified Life of Pi as hers. (Hence the quotes that fit in nicely with her life story.) Her religious studies introduced her to this movie - one she described as having “captured the essence of the book perfectly.” Elaborating she said, “I loved how it [is] blend of religions. The thing that [is] important to me [is that] it's not about whether or not the guy is right or wrong, [it’s] all about the faith of [the viewer] to determine whether or not they have faith in what he's saying - which is just a play on religion overall.” I found deep appreciation of that sentiment.

Never has it been so clear to me that a person’s favorite movie echoes their own way of living. {NO SPOILERS} In the movie Pi is nothing less than fully proactive facing uncertainty. He uses everything at hand as well; there is not one item he takes for granted floating aimlessly in the ocean.

A.M. has these qualities. Without giving anything away, I want to point out that Pi’s narration of the calamity he endures proved a foundation for his own faith in humanity as well as the viewer’s. I can’t help but feel those who know A.M. likewise benefit from her friendship. This is especially true during the outbreak we are all facing right now {note: this write-up was done mid-March 2020 during the Coronavirus pandemic).

The pandemic highlights exactly how the actions of one person can ripple across the planet. As powerless as we feel I see so many people taking innovative & fresh action to make it better. We all have something to offer. The sooner we see that the better. We don’t all have to drown during this difficult time.

A mouthful of water will not harm you, but panic will. — Mamaji to Pi in Life of Pi by Yann Martel

And to A.M., I will alter a quote from the movie to fit my feelings about your sharing your life with me: “How bitterly glad I am to have met you. You brought joy & pain in equal measure. Joy because you shared yourself with me, but pain because it wasn't for long.”

#Birthday Stranger #41st #2020

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gaysparklepires · 7 years

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6. Switzerland

As I drove home, I wasn’t paying much attention to the road that shimmered wetly in the sun. I was thinking about the flood of information Jacob had shared with me, trying to sort it out, trying to reconcile it all. Despite the overload, I felt lighter. Seeing Jacob smile, having all the secrets thrashed out… it didn’t make things perfect, but it made them better. I was right to have gone. Jacob needed me. And obviously, I thought as I squinted into the glare, there was no danger.

It came out of nowhere. One minute there was nothing but bright highway in my rearview mirror. The next minute, the sun was glinting off a silver Volvo right on my tail.

“Aw, crap,” I whimpered.

I considered pulling over. But I was too much of a coward to face him right away. I’d been counting on some prep time… and having Charlie nearby as a buffer. At least that would force him to keep his voice down.

The Volvo followed inches behind me. I kept my eyes on the road ahead.

He followed me until I pulled to the curb in front of the Weber’s house. He didn’t stop, and I didn’t look up as he passed. I didn’t want to see on the expression on his face. I ran up the short concrete walk to Angela’s door as soon as he was out of sight.

Ben answered the door before I could finish knocking, like he’d been standing right behind it.

“Hey, Beau!” he said, surprised.

“Hi, Ben. Er, is Angela here?” I wondered if Angela had forgotten our plans, and cringed at the thought of going home early.

“Sure,” Ben said just as Angela called, “Beau!” and appeared at the top of the stairs.

Ben peered around me as we both heard the sound of a car on the road; the sound didn’t scare me—this engine sputtered to a stop, followed by the loud pop of a backfire. Nothing like the purr of the Volvo. This must be the visitor Ben had been waiting for.

“Austin’s here,” Ben said as Angela reached his side.

A horn honked on the street.

“I’ll see you later,” Ben promised. “Miss you already.”

He threw his arms around Angela’s neck and pulled her face down to his height so that he could kiss her enthusiastically. After a second of this, Austin honked again.

“Bye, Ang! Love you!” Ben shouted as he dashed past me.

Angela swayed, her face slightly pink, then recovered herself and waved until Ben and Austin were out of sight. Then she turned to me and grinned ruefully.

“Thank you for doing this, Beau,” she said. “From the bottom of my heart. Not only are you saving my hands from permanent injury, you also just spared me two long hours of plot-less, badly dubbed marital arts film.” She sighed in relief.

“Happy to be of service.” I was feeling a bit less panicked, able to breathe a little more evenly. It felt so ordinary here. Angela’s easy human life was oddly reassuring. It was nice to know that life was normal somewhere.

I followed Angela up the stairs to her room. She kicked toys out of the way as she went. The house was unusually quiet.

“Where’s your family?”

“My parents took the twins to a birthday party in Port Angeles. I can’t believe you’re really going to help me with this. Ben’s pretending he has tendonitis.” She made a face.

“I don’t mind at all,” I said, and then I walked into Angela’s room and saw the stacks of waiting envelopes.

“Oh!” I gasped. Angela turned to look at me, apologies in her eyes. I could see why she’d been putting this off, and why Ben had weaseled out.

“I thought you were exaggerating,” I admitted.

“I wish. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Put me to work. I’ve got all day.”

Angela divided a pile in half and put her mother’s address book between us on her desk.

“Jessica wanted to come help, too, but she’s still not done with her speech and she’s freaking out.” Angela chuckled softly.

“No worries, we’ve got this.” I smiled.

For a while we concentrated, and there was just the sound of our pens scratching quietly across the paper.

“What’s Edward doing tonight?” she asked after a few minutes.

My pen dug into the envelope I was working on. “Emmett’s home for the weekend. They’re supposed to be hiking.”

“You say that like you’re not sure.”

I shrugged.

“You’re lucky Edward has his brothers for all the hiking and camping. I don’t know what I’d do if Ben didn’t have Austin for the guy stuff.”

“Yeah, the outdoors thing is not really for me. And there’s no way I’d ever be able to keep up.”

Angela laughed. “I prefer the indoors myself.”

She focused on her pile for a minute. I wrote out four more addresses. There was never any pressure to fill a pause with meaningless chatter around Angela. Like Charlie, she was comfortable with silence.

But, like Charlie, she was also too observant sometimes.

“Is something wrong?” she asked in a low voice now. “You seem… anxious.”

I smiled sheepishly. “Is it that obvious?”

“Not really.”

She was probably lying to make me feel better.

“You don’t have to talk about it unless you want to,” she assured me. “I’ll listen if you think it will help.”

I was about to say thanks, but no thanks. After all, there were just too many secrets I was bound to keep. I really couldn’t discuss my problems with someone human. That was against the rules.

And yet, with a strange, sudden intensity, that’s exactly what I wanted. I wanted to talk to a normal human friend. I wanted to moan a little bit, like any other teenager. I wanted my problems to be that simple. It would also be nice to have someone outside the whole vampire-werewolf mess to put things into perspective. Someone unbiased.

“I’ll mind my own business,” Angela promised, smiling down at the address she was working on.

“No,” I said. “You’re right. I am anxious. It’s… it’s Edward.”

“What’s wrong?”

It was so easy to talk to Angela. When she asked a question like that, I could tell that she wasn’t just morbidly curious or looking for gossip, like Jessica would have been. She cared that I was upset.

“Oh, he’s mad at me.”

“That’s hard to imagine,” she said. “What’s he mad about?”

I sighed. “Do you remember Jacob Black?”

“Ah,” she said.

“Yeah.”

“He’s jealous.”

“No, not jealous…” I should have kept my mouth shut. There was no way to explain this right. But I wanted to keep talking anyway. I hadn’t realized I was so starved for human conversation. “Edward thinks Jacob is… a bad influence, I guess. Sort of… dangerous. You know how much trouble I got in a few months back… It’s ridiculous, though.”

I was surprised to see Angela shaking her head.

“What?” I asked.

“Beau, I’ve seen how Jacob Black looks at you. I’d bet the real problem is jealousy.”

“It’s not like that with Jacob. I mean, it almost was, I guess, but it’s not now.”

“But it was almost that way.”

I frowned. “Almost… yeah…”

“Edward’s only human, Beau. He’s going to react like any other boy.”

I grimaced. I didn’t have a response to that.

She patted my hand. “He’ll get over it.”

“I hope so. Jake’s going through kind of a tough time. He needs me.”

“You and Jacob are pretty close, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, we are,” I agreed.

“And Edward doesn’t like him… That must be hard. I wonder how Ben would handle that?” she mused.

I half-smiled. “Probably just like any other boy.”

She grinned. “Probably.”

Then she changed the subject. Angela wasn’t one to pry, and she seemed to sense I wouldn’t—couldn’t—say anymore.

“I got my dorm assignment yesterday. The farthest building from campus, naturally.”

“Does Ben know where he’s staying yet?”

“The closest dorm to campus. He’s got all the luck. How about you? Did you decide where you’re going?”

I stared down, concentrating on the clumsy scrawl of my handwriting. For a second I was distracted by the thought of Angela and Ben at the University of Washington. They would be off to Seattle in just a few months. Would it be safe then? Would the wild young vampire menace have moved elsewhere? Would there be a new place by then, some other city flinching from horror-movie headlines?

I tried to shake it off and answered her question a beat late. “Alaska, I think. The university there in Juneau.”

I could hear the surprise in her voice. “Alaska? Oh. Really? I mean, that’s great. I just figured you’d go somewhere… warmer.”

I laughed a little, still staring at the envelope. “Yeah. Forks has really changed my perspective on life.”

“And Edward?”

Though his name set butterflies fluttering in my stomach, I looked up and grinned at her. “Alaska’s not too cold for Edward, either.”

She grinned back. “Of course not.” And then she sighed. “It’s so far. You won’t be able to come home very often. I’ll miss you. Will you text me?”

A swell of quiet sadness crashed over me; maybe it was a mistake to get even closer to Angela now. But wouldn’t it be sadder still to miss these last chances? I shook off the unhappy thoughts, so that I could answer her teasingly.

“If I can type again after this.” I nodded toward the stack of envelopes I’d done.

We laughed, and it was easy then to chat cheerfully about classes and majors while we finished the rest—all I had to do was not think about it. Anyway, there were more urgent things to worry about today.

I helped her put the stamps on, too. I was afraid to leave.

“How’s your hand?” she asked.

I flexed my fingers. “I think I’ll recover the full use of it… someday.”

The door banged downstairs, and we both looked up.

“Ang?” Ben called.

I tried to smile, but my lips trembled. “I guess that’s my cue to leave.”

“You don’t have to go. Though he’s probably going to describe the movie for me… in detail.”

“Charlie will be wondering where I am anyway.”

“Thanks for helping me.”

“I had a good time, actually. We should do something like this again. It was nice to have some friend time.”

“Definitely.”

There was a light knock on the bedroom door.

“Come in, Ben,” Angela said.

I got up and stretched.

“Hey, Beau! You survived,” Ben greeted me quickly before going to take my place by Angela. He eyed out work. “Nice job. Too bad there’s nothing left to do, I would have…” He let the thought trail off, and then restarted excitedly. “Ang, I can’t believe you missed this one! It was awesome. There was this final fight sequence—the choreography was unbelievable! This one guy—well, you’re going to have to see it to know what I’m talking about—“

Angela rolled her eyes at me.

“See you at school,” I said with a nervous laugh.

She sighed. “See you.”

I was jumpy on the way out to my truck, but the street was empty. I spent the whole drive glancing anxiously in all my mirrors, but there was never any sign of the silver car.

His car was not in front of the house, either, though that meant little.

“Beau?” Charlie called when I opened the front door.

“Hey, Dad.”

I found him in the living room, in front of the TV.

“So, how was your day?”

“Good,” I said. Might as well tell him everything—he’d hear it from Billy soon enough. Besides, it would make him happy. “They didn’t need me at work, so I went down to La Push.”

There wasn’t enough surprise in his face. Billy had already talked to him.

“How’s Jacob?” Charlie asked, attempting to sound indifferent.

“Good,” I said, just as casual.

“You get over to the Webers’?”

“Yep. We got all her announcements addressed.”

“That’s nice.” Charlie smiled a wide smile. He was strangely focused, considering that there was a game on. “I’m glad you spent some time with your friends today.”

“Me, too.”

I ambled toward the kitchen, looking for busy work. Unfortunately, Charlie had already cleaned up his lunch. I stood there for a few minutes, staring at the bright patch of light the sun made on the floor. But I knew I couldn’t delay forever.

“I’m going to go study,” I announced glumly as I headed up the stairs.

“See you later,” Charlie called after me.

If I survive, I thought to myself.

I shut my bedroom door carefully before I turned to face my room.

Of course he was there. He stood against the wall across from me, in the shadow beside the open window. His face was hard and his posture tense. He glared at me wordlessly.

I cringed, waiting for the torrent, but it didn’t come. He just continued to glare, possibly too angry to speak.

“Hi,” I finally said.

His face could have been carved from stone. I counted to a hundred in my head, but there was no change.

“Er… so, I’m still alive,” I began.

A growl rumbled low in his chest, but his expression didn’t change.

“No harm done,” I insisted with a shrug.

He moved. His eyes closed, and he pinched the bridge of his nose between the fingers of his right hand.

“Beau,” he whispered. “Do you have any idea how close I came to crossing the line today? To breaking the treaty and coming after you? Do you know what that would have meant?”

I gasped and his eyes opened. They were as cold and hard as night.

“You can’t!” I said too loudly. I worked to modulate the volume of my voice so Charlie wouldn’t hear, but I wanted to shout the words. “Edward, they’d use any excuse for a fight. They’d love that. You can’t ever break the rules!”

“Maybe they aren’t the only ones who would enjoy a fight.”

“Don’t you start,” I snapped. “You made the treaty—you stick to it.”

“If he’d hurt you—“

“Enough!” I cut him off. “There’s nothing to worry about. Jacob isn’t dangerous.”

“Beau.” He rolled his eyes. “You aren’t exactly the best judge of what is or isn’t dangerous.”

“I know I don’t have to worry about Jake. And neither do you.”

He ground his teeth together. His hands were balled up in fists at his sides. He was still standing against the wall, and I hated the space between us.

I took a deep breath, and crossed the room. He didn’t move when I wrapped my arms around him. Next to the warmth of the last of the afternoon sun streaming through the window, his skin felt especially icy. He seemed like ice, too, frozen the way he was.

“I’m sorry I made you anxious,” I muttered.

He sighed, and relaxed a little. His arms wound around my waist.

“Anxious is a bit of an understatement,” he murmured. “It was a very long day.”

“You weren’t supposed to know about it,” I reminded him. “I thought you’d be hunting longer.”

I looked up at his face, at his defensive eyes; I hadn’t noticed in the stress of the moment, but they were too dark. The rings under them were deep purple. I frowned in disapproval.

“When Alice saw you disappear, I came back,” he explained.

“You shouldn’t have done that. Now you’ll have to go away again.” My frown intensified.

“I can wait.”

“That’s ridiculous. I mean, I know she couldn’t see me with Jacob, but you should have known—“

“But I didn’t,” he broke in. “And you can’t expect me to let you—“

“Oh, yes, I can,” I interrupted him. “That’s exactly what I expect—“

“This won’t happen again.”

“That’s right! Because you’re not going to overreact next time.”

“Because there isn’t going to be a next time.”

“I understand when you have to leave, even if I don’t like it—“

“That’s not the same. I’m not risking my life.”

“Neither am I.”

“Werewolves constitute a risk.”

“So do vampires.”

“I’m not negotiating this, Beau.”

“Neither am I.”

His hands were in fists gain. I could feel them against my back.

The words popped out thoughtlessly. “Is this really just about my safety?”

“What do you mean?” he demanded.

“You aren’t…” Angela’s theory seemed plausible, even given the supernatural circumstances of the situation. “I mean, you know better than to be jealous, right?”

He raised one eyebrow. “Do I?”

“Be serious.”

“Easily—there’s nothing remotely humorous about this.”

I frowned suspiciously. “Or… is this something else altogether? Some vampires-and-werewolves-are-always-enemies-nonsense? Is this just a testosterone-fueled—“

His eyes blazed. “This is only about you. All I care is that you’re safe.”

The black fire in his eyes was persuasive, but I had my doubts.

“Okay,” I sighed. “I want you to know something—when it comes to all this enemies nonsense, I’m out. I am a neutral country. I am Switzerland. I refuse to be affected by territorial disputes between mythical creatures. Jacob is my best friend. You are my boyfriend. I don’t care who’s a werewolf and who’s a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, and Jessica is actually a banshee, they can join the party, too.

He stared at me silently through narrowed eyes.

“Switzerland,” I repeated again for emphasis.

He frowned at me, and then sighed. “Beau…,” he began, but he paused, and his nose wrinkled in disgust.

“What now?”

“Well… don’t be offended, but you smell like a dog,” he told me.

And then he smiled crookedly, so I knew the fight was over. For now.

Edward had to make up for the missed hunting trip, and so he was leaving Friday night with Jasper, Emmett, and Carlisle to hit some reserve in Northern California with a mountain lion problem.

We’d come to no agreement on the werewolf issue, but I didn’t feel guilty calling Jake—during my brief window of opportunity when Edward took the Volvo home before climbing back in through my window—to let him know I’d be coming over on Saturday again. It wasn’t sneaking around. Edward knew how I felt. And if he broke my truck again, then I’d have Jacob pick me up. Forks was neutral, just like Switzerland—just like me.

So when I got off work Thursday and it was Alice rather than Edward waiting for me in the Volvo, I was not suspicious at first. The passenger door was open, and music I didn’t recognize was shaking the frame when the bass played.

“Hey, Alice,” I shouted over the wailing as I climbed in. “Where’s your brother?”

She was singing along to the song, her beautiful voice waving through it with a complicated harmony. She nodded at me, ignoring my question as she concentrated on the music.

I shut my door and put my hands over my ears. She grinned, and turned the volume down until it was just background. Then she hit the locks and the gas in the same second.

“What’s going on?” I asked, starting to feel uneasy. “Where is Edward?”

She shrugged. “They left early.”

“Oh.” I felt a sting of disappointment. I was looking forward to seeing him today. But, if he left early, that meant he’d be back sooner, I supposed.

“All the boys went, and we’re having a slumber party!” she announced in a trilling, singsong voice.

“A slumber party?” I repeated, the suspicion settling in.

“Aren’t you excited?” she crowed.

I met her animated gaze for a long second.

“You’re kidnapping me, aren’t you?”

She laughed and nodded. “Till Saturday. Esme cleared it with Charlie; you’re staying with me two nights, and I will drive you to and from school tomorrow.”

I huffed and slumped back into my seat.

“Sorry,” Alice said, sounding only minutely penitent. “He paid me off.”

“I’m not mad at you, Alice.” I sighed. “Wait, how?”

“The Porsche. It’s exactly like the one I stole in Italy.” She sighed happily. “I’m not supposed to drive it around Forks, but if you want, we could see how long it takes to get from here to L.A.—I bet I could have you back by midnight.”

I took a deep breath. “Tempting, but I’ll pass,” I sighed.

We wound, always too fast, down the long drive. Alice pulled around to the garage, and I quickly looked over the cars. Emmett’s big jeep was there, with a shiny canary yellow Porsche between it and Royal’s red convertible.

Alice hopped out gracefully and went to stroke her hand along the length of her bribe. “Pretty, isn’t it?”

“It’s gorgeous, Alice,” I conceded, gawking. “He gave you that just for two days of holding me hostage?”

Alice made a face.

A second later, comprehension came and I gasped in horror. “It’s for every time he’s gone, isn’t it?”

She nodded.

I slammed my door and stomped toward the house. She danced along next to me, still unrepentant.

“Alice, don’t you think this is just a little bit controlling? Just a tiny bit psychotic, maybe?”

“Not really.” She sniffed. “You don’t seem to grasp how dangerous a young werewolf can be. Especially when I can’t see them. Edward has no way to know if you’re safe. You shouldn’t be so reckless.”

My voice turned cold. “Yes, because a vampire slumber party is the pinnacle of safety conscious behavior.”

Alice laughed. “I’ll give you a pedicure and everything,” she promised.

It wasn’t so bad, except for the fact that I was being held against my will. Esme brought Italian food—the good stuff, all the way from Port Angeles—and Alice was prepared with my favorite movies. Even Royal was there, much to my surprise, quietly in the background. Alice did insist on the pedicure, and I wondered if she was working from a list—maybe something she’d compiled from watching bad sitcoms.

“How late do you want to stay up?” she asked when my toenails were glistening with a clear polish. Her enthusiasm remained untouched by my mood.

“I shouldn’t stay up. We have school in the morning.”

She pouted.

“Wait, where am I supposed to sleep, anyway?” I measured the couch with my eyes. It was little short. “Can you just keep me under the surveillance at my house?”

“What kind of slumber party would that be?” Alice shook her head in exasperation. “You’re sleeping in Edward’s room.”

I sighed. His black leather sofa was longer than this one. Actually, the gold carpet in his room was probably thick enough that the floor wouldn’t be half bad either.

“Can I go back to my place to get my things, at least?”

She grinned. “Already taken care of.”

“Am I allowed to make phone calls?”

“Charlie knows where you are.”

“I wasn’t going to call Charlie.” I frowned. “Apparently, I have some plans to reschedule.”

“Oh.” She deliberated. “I’m not sure about that.”

“Alice!” I glared. “I’m going to call Jacob.”

“Okay, okay,” she said, flitting from the room. She was back in half a second, my cell phone in hand. “He didn’t specifically prohibit this…” she murmured to herself as she handed it to me.

“Alice, when did you take my phone?”

She grinned mischievously.

I rolled my eyes and dialed Jacob’s number, hoping he wasn’t out running with his friends tonight. Luck was with me—Jacob was the one to answer.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Jake, its me.” Alice watched me with expressionless eyes for a second, before she turned and went to sit between Royal and Esme on the sofa.

“Hi, Beau,” Jacob said, suddenly cautious. “What’s up?”

“Nothing good. I can’t come over Saturday after all.”

It was silent for a minute. “Stupid bloodsucker,” he finally muttered. “Sorry, Beau.” He apologized, then he exhaled. “I thought he was leaving. Can’t you have a life when he’s gone? Or does he lock you in a coffin?”

I laughed.

“I don’t think that’s funny.”

“I’m only laughing because you’re close,” I told him. “But he’s going to be here Saturday, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Will he be feeding there in Forks, then?” Jacob asked cuttingly.

“No.” I wasn’t even irritated. I wasn’t that far from being as angry as he was. “He left early.”

“Oh. Well, hey, come over now, then,” he said with sudden enthusiasm. “It’s not that late. Or I’ll come up to Charlie’s.”

“I wish. I’m not at Charlie’s,” I said sourly. “I’m kind of being held prisoner.”

He was silent as that sunk in, and then he growled. “We’ll come and get you,” he promised in a flat voice, slipping automatically into a plural.

A chill slide down my spine, but I answered in a light and teasing voice. “Tempting. I have been tortured—Alice painted my toenails.”

“I’m serious.”

“Don’t be. They’re just trying to keep me safe.”

He growled again.

“I know it’s silly, but their hearts are in the right place.”

“Their hearts!” he scoffed.

“I’m sorry about Saturday, Jake,” I apologized. “I’ve got to hit the sack”—the couch, I corrected mentally—“but I’ll call you again soon.”

“Are you sure they’ll let you?” he asked in a scathing tone.

“They don’t have a choice. You’re too important, Jake.”

He sighed, “Thanks, Beau.”

“Night, Jake.”

“Goodnight, Beau.”

Alice was abruptly at my side, her hand held out for my phone, but I was already dialing. She saw the number.

“I don’t think he’ll have his phone on him,” she said.

“I’ll leave a message.”

The phone rang four times, followed by a beep. There was no greeting.

“You are in trouble,” I said slowly, emphasizing each word. “Enormous trouble. Angry grizzly bears are going to look tame next to what is waiting for you at home.”

I hung up the phone and emphatically shoved it into my pocket. “I’m done.”

Alice grinned. “This hostage stuff is fun.”

“Alice, you’re ridiculous.” I shook my head. “You’re just lucky I love you.”

“I love you, too!” She kissed my cheek. “I see you’re going to bed.”

I chuckled darkly and headed for the stairs. Alice tagged along.

“Alice,” I sighed. “I’m not going to sneak out. You would know if I was planning to, and you’d catch me if I tried.”

“I’m just going to show you where your things are,” she said innocently.

Edward’s room was at the farthest end of the third floor hallway, hard to mistake even when the huge house had been less familiar. But when I switched the light on, I paused in confusion. Had I picked the wrong door?

Alice giggled.

It was the same room, I realized quickly; the furniture had just been rearranged. The couch was pushed to the north wall and the stereo shoved up against the vast shelves of CDs—to make room for the colossal bed that now dominated the central space.

The southern wall of glass reflected the scene back like a mirror, making it look twice as bad.

It matched. The coverlet was a dull gold, just lighter than the walls; the frame was black, made of intricately patterned wrought iron. Sculpted metal roses wound in vines up the tall posts and formed a bowery lattice overhead. My pajamas were folded neatly on the foot of the bed, my bag of toiletries to one side.

“What the hell is all this?” I spluttered.

“You didn’t really think he would make you sleep on the couch, did you?”

I mumbled unintelligibly as I stalked forward to grab my things off the bed.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Alice laughed. “See you in the morning.”

After my teeth were brushed and I was dressed, I grabbed a puffy feather pillow off the huge bed and dragged the gold cover to the couch. I knew I was being stubborn, but I didn’t care. Porsches as bribes and kind-sized beds in houses where nobody slept—it was beyond irritating. I flipped off the lights and curled up on the sofa, wondering if I was too annoyed to sleep.

In the dark, the glass wall was no longer a black mirror, doubling the room. The light of the moon brightened the clouds outside the window. As my eyes adjusted, I could see diffused glow highlighting the tops of the trees, and glinting off a small slice of the river. I watched the silver light, waiting for my eyes get heavy.

There was a light knock on the door.

“What, Alice?” I groaned. I was on the defensive, imagining her amusement when she saw my makeshift bed.

“It’s me,” Royal said softly, opening the door enough that I could see the silver glow touch his perfect face. “Can I come in?”

#3.06 #Eclipse Revamped #The Twilight Saga Revamped #Edward Cullen #Jacob Black #Alice Cullen #Beau Swan #Royal Hale

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writerspink · 5 years

Text

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afraid absorb british seat fear stretched furniture sight oxygen coward rope clever yellow albeit confess passage france fan cattle spot explore rather active death effect mine create wash printed process origin rose swift woe planets doze gasp chief perform triumph value substances tone score predict property movement harsh tube settled defend reverse ancient blood sharp border fierce plunge consider terms vision intend total schedule attract average intelligent corn dead southern glide supply convince send continent brief mural symbol crew chance suffix habit insects entered nursery especially spread drift major fig diagram guess wit sugar predator science necessary moisture park ordeal nectar fortunate flutter gun forward globe misery molecules arctic won’t actually addition washington cling rare lie steel pastime soldiers chill accordingly capital prevent solution greek sensitive electric agreed thin provide indicate northern volunteer sell tied triangle action opposite shoulder imitate steer wander except match cross speak solve appear metal son either ice sleep village factors result jumped snow ride care floor hill pushed baby buy century outside everything tall already instead phrase soil bed copy free hope spring case laughed nation quite type themselves temperature bright lead everyone method section lake iron within dictionary bargain loyal resource struggle vary capture exclaim gloomy insist restless shallow shatter talent atmosphere brilliant endure glance precious unite certain clasp depart journey observe superb treasure wisdom

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prepared journey trade delicate arrived track cotton hoe furnish exciting view grasp level branches privilege limit wrong enable ability various moreover spoil starve dollars digest advice sense accuse pretty wasn’t industry adopt loyal suggested blow treasure cook adjective doesn’t wings tools crops loud smell frail wisdom fit expect ahead lifted deed device weight gradual respect interesting arrange particular compound examine cable climate division individual talent fatal entire advantage opponent wouldn’t elements column custom enjoy grace theory suitable wife shoes determine allow marsh workers difficult repeated thrill position born distant revive magnificent shop sir army struggled deal plural rich rhythm rely poem company string locate church mystify elegant led actual responsible japanese huge fun meat observe swim office chart avoid factories block called experience win crumple brilliant located pole bought conditions sister details primary survey truck recall disease radio rate scatter decay signal approach launch hair age amount scale pounds although per broken moment tiny possible gold milk quiet natural lot stone act build middle speed count consonant someone sail rolled bear wonder smiled angle fraction Africa killed melody bottom trip hole poor let’s fight surprise French died beat exactly remain fingers clever coast explore imitate pierce rare symbol triumph ancient cling disturb expose perform remote timid bashful brief compete consider delightful honor reflex remark brink chill conquer fortunate fury intend pattern vibrant wit

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capture remark western outcome risk current bold compare resident ambition arrest furthermore desire confuse accurate disclose considerable contribute calculate baggage literacy noble era benefit orchard shabby content precious manufacture dusk afford assist demonstrate instant concentrate sturdy severe blend vacant weary carefree host limb pointless prepare inspire shallow chamber vast ease attentive source frantic lack recent distress basic permit threat analyze distract meadow mistrust jagged prefer sole envy hail reduce arena tour annual apparent recognize captivity burrow proceed develop humble resist peculiar response communicate circular variety frequent reveal essential disaster plead mature appropriate attractive request congratulate address destructive fragile modest attempt tradition ancestor focus flexible conclude venture impact generosity routine tragic crafty furious blossom concern ascend awkward master queasy release portion plentiful alert heroic extraordinary frontier descend invisible coax entrance capable peer terror mock outstanding valiant typical competition hardship entertain eager limp survive tidy antonym duplicate abolish approach approve glory magnificent meek prompt revive watchful wreckage audible consume glide origin prevent punctuate representative scorn stout woe arch authentic clarify declare grant grave opponent valid yearn admirable automatic devotion distant dreary exhaust kindle predict separation stunt

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evade debate dedicate budge available miniature petrify pasture banquet pedestrian solitary decline reassure nonchalant exhibit realistic exert abuse dictate minor monarch concept character strategy soar beverage tropical withdraw challenge kin navigate purchase reliable mischief solo combine vivid aroma spurt illuminate narrator retain excavate avalanche preserve suspend accomplish exasperate obsolete occasion myth reign sparse gorge intense revert antagonist talon aggressive alternate retire cautiously blizzard require endanger luxurious senseless portable sever compensate companion visual immense slither guardian compassion escalate detect protagonist oasis altitude assume seldom courteous absurd edible identical pardon approximate taunt achievement homonym hearty convert wilderness industrious sluggish thrifty deprive independent bland confident anxious astound numerous resemble route access jubilation saunter hazy impressive document moral crave gigantic bungle prefix summit overthrow perish visible translate comply intercept feeble exult compose negative suffocate frigid synonym appeal dominate deplete abundant economy desperate diligent commend boycott jovial onset burden fixture objective siege barrier conceive formal inquire penalize picturesque predator privilege slumber advantage ambition defiant fearsome imply merit negotiate purify revoke wretched absorb amateur channel elegant grace inspect lame tiresome tranquil boast eloquent glisten ideal infectious invest locate ripple sufficient uproar

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apprehensive dialogue prejudice marvel eligible accommodate arrogant distinct knack deposit liberate cumulative consequence strive salvage chronological unique vow concise influence lure poverty priority legislation significant conserve verdict leisure erupt beacon stationary generate provoke efficient campaign paraphrase swarm adhere eerie mere mimic deteriorate literal preliminary solar soothe expanse ignite verge recount apparel terrain ample quest composure majority collide prominent duration pursue innovation omniscient resolute unruly optimist restrain agony convenient constant prosper elaborate genre retrieve exploit continuous dissolve dwell persecute abandon meager elude rural retaliate primitive remote blunder propel vital designate cultivate loathe consent drastic fuse maximum negotiate barren transform conspicuous possess allegiance beneficial former factor deluge vibrant intimidate idiom dense awe rigorous manipulate transport discretion hostile clarity arid parody boisterous capacity massive prosecute declare stifle remorse refuge predicament treacherous inevitable ingenious plummet adapt monotonous accumulate reinforce extract reluctant vacate hazardous inept diminish domestic linger context excel cancel distribute document fragile myth reject scuffle solitary temporary veteran assault convert dispute impressive justify misleading numerous productive shrewd strategy villain bluff cautious consist despise haven miniature monarch obstacle postpone straggle vivid aggressive associate deceive emigrate flexible glamour hazy luxurious mishap overwhelm span blemish blunt capable conclude detect fatigue festive hospitality nomad supreme

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exclude civic compact painstaking supplement habitat leeway minute hoax contaminate likeness migration commentary extinct tangible originate urban unanimous subordinate collaborate obstacle esteem encounter futile cordial trait improvises superior exaggerate anticipate cope evolve eclipse dissent anguish subsequent sanctuary formulates makeshift controversy diversity terminate precise equivalent pamper prior potential obnoxious radiant predatory presume permanent pending simultaneously tamper supervise perceived vicious patronize trickle stodgy rant oration preview species poised perturb vista wince yearn persist shirk status tragedy trivial snare vindictive wrath recede peevish rupture unscathed random toxic void orthodox subtle resume sequel upright wary overwhelm perjury uncertainty prowess utmost throb pluck pique vengeance pelt urgent substantial robust sullen retort ponder whim saga sham reprimand vocation assimilate dub defect accord embark desist dialect chastise banter inaugurate ovation barter muse blasé stamina atrocity deter principal liberal epoch preposterous advocate audacious dispatch incense deplore institute deceptive component subside spontaneous bonanza ultimate wrangle clarify hindrance irascible plausible profound infinite accomplish apparent capacity civilian conceal duplicate keen provoke spurt undoing vast withdraw barrier calculate compose considerable deputy industrious jolt loot rejoice reliable senseless shrivel alternate demolish energetic enforce feat hearty mature observant primary resign strive verdict brisk cherish considerate displace downfall estimate humiliate identical improper poll soothe vicinity abolish appeal brittle condemn descend dictator expand famine portable prey thrifty visual

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stance vie instill exceptional avail strident formidable rebuke enhance benign perspective tedious aloof encroach memoir mien desolate inventive prodigy staple stint fallacy grope vilify recur assail tirade antics recourse clad jurisdiction caption pseudonym reception humane ornate sage ungainly overt sedative amiss convey connoisseur rational enigma fortify servile fastidious contagious elite disgruntled eccentric pioneer abet luminous era sleek serene proficient rue articulate awry pungent wage deploy anarchy culminate inventory commemorate muster adept durable foreboding lucrative modify authority transition confiscate pivotal analogy avid flair ferret decree voracious imperative grapple deface augment shackle legendary trepidation discern glut cache endeavor attribute phenomenon balmy bizarre gullible loll rankle decipher sublime rubble renounce porous turbulent heritage hover pithy allot minimize agile renown fend revenue versa gaunt haven dire doctrine intricate conservative exotic facilitate bountiful cite panorama swelter foster indifferent millennium gingerly conscientious intervene mercenary citadel obviously rely supportive sympathy weakling atmosphere decay gradual impact noticeable recede stability variation approximately astronomical calculation criterion diameter evaluate orbit sphere agricultural decline disorder identify probable thrive expected widespread bulletin contribution diversity enlist intercept operation recruit survival abruptly ally collide confident conflict protective taunt adaptation dormant forage frigid hibernate insulate export glisten influence landscape native plantation restore urge blare connection errand exchange

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feasible teem pang vice tycoon succumb capacious onslaught excerpt eventful forfeit crusade tract haggard susceptible exemplify ardent crucial excruciating embargo disdain apprehend surpass sporadic flustered languish conventional disposition theme plunder ignore project complaint title dramatic delivery litter experimental clinic arrogance preparation remind atomic occasional conscious deny maturity closure stressed translator animate observation physical further gently registration suppress combination amazing constructive allied poetry passion ecstasy mystery cheerful contribution spirit failed gummy commerce prove disagreement raid consume embarrass preference migrant devour encouragement quote mythology destined destination illuminating struggle accent ungrateful giggle approval confidence expose scientist operation superstitious emergency manners absolutely swallow readily mutual bound crisp orient stress sort stare comfort verbal heel challenging advertisement envious sex scar astonish basis accuracy enviable alliance specific chef embarrassed counter tolerable sympathetic gradually vanish informative amaze royal furry insist jealousy simplify quiver collaborate dedicated flexible function mimic obstacle technique archaeologist fragment historian intact preserve reconstruct remnant commence deed exaggeration heroic impress pose saunter wring astound concealed inquisitive interpret perplexed precise reconsider suspicious anticipation defy entitled neutral outspoken reserved sought equal absorb affect circulate conserve cycle necessity seep barren expression meaningful plume focused genius perspective prospect stunned superb transition assume guarantee nominate

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install reticent corroborate regretfully strength murder concise cunning intention holy satire query confused progression disillusion background mundane abrupt multiple enormously introduce emulate harmful pragmatic pity rebut liberate enthusiastic elucidate camaraderie disparage nature creep profitability impression racist sobriety occupy autonomy currently amiable reiterate reproduce cripple modest offer atom provincial augment ungratefully expansion yield rashly allude immigration silence epitome exacerbate somber avid dispute vindicate collaborate manufacturer embellish superficial propaganda incompetent objective diminish statistics endure ambivalent perpetuate illuminate phenomenon exasperate originality restrict anxiety anthropology circumstances aesthetic manufacturing conventional dubious vulnerable reality precedent entity success term critical repair underscore stepmother republican hesitantly classic wary contents prediction immediate invoke notorious implicit excluding input skeptical foster element punish frank humanity profound dessert orthodox substance disappear encourage neighborhood elder superfluous naive ascertain complacent resilient deafening military tend prudent glare acceptance skillfully induce monster beam gullible conciliate vessel petty cantankerous disclose archaeology anecdote disdain electronics substantiate subjective tourism advisable joyful incredible provocative psychological ruins discipline condone indifferent misfortune judgmental industrialize tasty assume astute mission mar protective definitely escape oppress shocked virtual zealous endorse qualification hostile eccentric abstract disparate geographical scrutinize generalization tolerate activity claim dogmatic influential obsolete extol implausible subsequent resource chronic benevolent improve confidential ambiguous seriously dearth perplex hatred throughout dine contemporary evoke essentially economic flagrant obscure alleviate eloquent dreaadful clumsy sympathy victim condemn vigor condescend spontaneous quell reprehensible substantially sleeve equivocal ironic decry errand articulate progressive eradicate refreshments elicit aspiration recently exemplary bribery theoretical disingenuous partisan revere particle nostalgia self-aggrandizement debunk tyranny rhetoric hierarchy warning whimsical venerate commend assert miserable awful vibe constrain undermine explicit differentiate compliment scrupulous contempt erroneous ideal refute imply cynical rash presume insight revival vary delay renounce indignant offensive temperate circumstantial export peep logo advertise suppress distort chunk convoluted denounce overwhelming fertility rigorous acquire arrogant university antagonize profitable indulgent strategic breathing idiosyncrasy profession frugal discern accommodation adversary incredulous disturbance digress social belie roam smug continual pertinent voluntarily elite subtle blame sincerity lick horror censure involvement candid infer futile impetuous exploit bewilder sustain diligent sincere protect sealed musical empathy callous parenthetical insure acorn sarcasm seize sacrificially allege emphatic irrelevant progress diplomatic stunned improvise deride reconcile meticulous deject scientifically incontrovertible pressure justify gloomy depict supplant endurance analogous diary bolster slip contemplate pesticide glow religious advocate negligent creator lament fundamental embrace throne inherent inferior valuable thrive trivial pretense reserved capricious refresh refusal flight boost explanation coherent prevalent tenacious official royalty assassin rub poach delete

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warrant circumscribed somewhat explosive optimistic mandate previously detract opinion intuitive feasible intimate persistent humble simplicity tempt deliberate painful unethical fundamentals discrepancy remorse pessimistic possibility conclusion acknowledge impregnate soberly creation paralyze suitability oblige tranquil medal arbitrate pacify illusory susceptible vibrate vengeance infection democratic stressful grave speculative sample identification stifle obligation revenge organization namely mediocre practical scream weaken consensus affectionate deficient treacherous console isolation ingenious memory melodrama despair awestruck composition regret recommendation celebrity decision devoid opaque ornamentation longevity participate dread restore interrogate aid accordingly mislead embarrassment optimism domestic apt funds virtue geography fundamentally thoroughly press despite horrible chilling rental esteemed disappointment innovative contemplation assign popularize haunt deafen serene percent estrangement suffer extravagant throng estimate comment priesthood mass dreadfully promote periphery animated saying relate clarity triple derivative succeed distortion register suicide improvement discreet inquisition probable curative incident praise convenience baffle covet dreadful genuinely weary undisturbed disgruntled humility renown nonchalant monopoly comedy vague decisive inconsequential announcement fabricated nevertheless vigilant scarce neglectful hushed attainment tedious explode snatch pslm agency sentimental tension adhere meanwhile sacred avert conformity likewise challenger accessible responsibility peril contact event roast fallible catastrophic competitor violate resolute deceive exaggeration discredit intolerable approve paste dimly novelist demeanor norm politician satisfaction obvious vehicle reservation defer involve restoration crush audible assistant backpack attain inanimate commemorate confrontation emigration parasite disperse quantitative laughter policy vulgar occasionally repay effective eulogy starvation empty therapeutic overall immortal encompass inappropriate opportune engagement illustrate turmoil observatory classification expression reminiscence comedian invention depress remedy protagonist gesture texture diplomatic election prolong conducive emotional invigorate curiosity expressive %

K-12 Words was originally published on PinkWrite

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plogan721 · 5 years

Text

I Am Looking Back and Remembering My First Blog Post as a Blogger

Photo byPixabay

My very first post on my P. Lynne Designs blog. My Ambiance Life is not the first blog I started. The evolution of my blogs goes like this: MDN Creates. This started as a hodge-podge like a blog that covered topics such as “What heck am I doing” to “I got this, but it is time to split the blog because there are too many different topics on here”. That last topic I owe to my friend, who told me that I was covering too many topics on the blog. The first post was an introduction to me and the blog itself, so I will not reminisce on that topic. Nothing much to reflect on. The next post, the one I will be commenting on was dated January 5, 2009, was titled Resolutions, and again, it was before I separated and divided the blog into the three blogs you know of today.

Reflecting on Resolutions

As I am reading, I am first reflecting on how much I have grown as a writer in the past 10 years (January 1, was my anniversary). In order to get anywhere, you need a starting point. The only things I knew at the time in regard to blogging was;

1) This blog had to be interesting to grab a reader’s attention to the point where the reader cannot wait until the writer puts in a new post. This means that I needed an interesting topic and the content of that topic is not of your typical, boring textbook variety

2) Consistency is the key to all, even though I have not always reflected that consistency. I am getting better.

I also had a moment or two, where I reflected:

· I started the blog (now called P. Lynne Designs) at a time when Oprah was still on the air. In fact, I referred to something she said on her show.

· I mentioned that I had goals in 2009. They were:

o To organize

o To stop beating myself up

o To love me more

o To do more of what God asked of me

o To scrapbook more

o To take my business more seriously

o To take time for me, to learn, and to grow.

· I mentioned each goal and how I would do it. Now I am finally going to give you an update on those goals in a moment.

· Joel Olsteen came up in the conversation about never be still.

· I submitted an article to Associated Content. I am not sure what the results of that were, I am a terrible person in the art of follow-up.

Some of those moments made me cry. Why? I get extremely emotional at times or there is something in my eye? I love gushy moments like this, and this is one of the reasons why I started blogging and journaling in the first place, to not hold it in. I have gotten better on where to channel my anger, but that does not mean I do not get angry anymore. That is like taking an emotion away from someone. For someone like Abby Lee Miller to tell a dancer to save their tears for their pillow or to tell a boy that men do not cry does not do it for me. Yes, there is a time and place to cry, but if you must cry, do it right there and get it over with.

So, back to my reflections on resolutions….

I mentioned that the post was long. Why did I say that when the average post is supposed to be at least between 1,000-2,000 words? Yes, back in 2009, “Resolutions” would be considered a long post. No one knew exactly how long a blog post had to be at that time. Experts used to mention that anything blog post beyond 500-800 words is a fairly long post. Another reason for that statement is back then the experts thought that such a lengthy post would give way to repeat phrases and ideas, and you cannot and should not repeat what you said 5 minutes ago unless you are summarizing.

Summarizing a post

When I summarize, I call them TAKEAWAY MOMENTS. During this time, I am telling you again what I said throughout the piece, or I am giving you little nuggets of information that should help you should you be going through what I have been through. I start out by reminding the reader of my topic then I sprinkle in the repeated information that was mentioned in my blog post. When I repeat, I often remind the reader what is important, and I try not to sprinkle in the fluff. Finally, I concluding with on a bit of advice to carry through.

What has changed since Resolutions?

This is an update to the goals I mentioned in “Resolutions”. Not only has my writing changed from that post, but the goals as well. The most noticeable change is the blog name. It is now P. Lynne Designs and it reflects that on the blog when you first click on the blog post. It is about the change again soon because I am working on my website, P. Lynne Designs, and new posts will be going in the blog section on the website. It has been a good ride on Blogger, but I have grown, and my writing has grown. At the moment, I have a coming soon on the website, but you are welcome to signup to be on my mailing list to be notified when the website is coming.

Also, the niche has changed. It is no longer a hodge-podge collection of what I feel like writing. I own that splitting the blog up into bite-size pieces. My Blessed Life (now known as My Ambiance Life) is part of the split. So is At Home with Tricia's Baskets, a combo of former blogs Simply Organized Crafts (which is now ONLY a Facebook page), Traveling to the Mouse’s House, and Tricia’s Baskets. These two blogs will also leave the Blogger Home for WordPress. The foundation of the blogs are there, I need to start the final setup and launch.

Updating my goals since that date

Since I wrote that entry, here is what has transpired:

To Organize: well, I am not totally organized to that point. I can receive company now, even though I was always able to receive company. When you are in possession of things, even things that people agree you should have or not have, you want to make them presentable and so not messy. I was on the side of messy, and even though people had places to sit, hold a conversation and eat my food without feeling ill to the pit of their stomachs, I did not feel comfortable without someone saying something. That may have been my OCD kicking in at the time. As my pastor puts it quite eloquently, I am an extrovert introvert. More on that in another post. If you do not understand, try not to overthink it for now.

The next three I will tackle together; To not beat myself up, To love me more, To take time for me. This does not mean I was harming myself. When I do something that was a mistake, I am harder on myself more than anyone. I am constantly saying why did you do that. To love yourself means, do not get upset because you are not married, you do not have children, or you are not a certain status in life. Just because you see someone who has those things that you desire does not mean you do not have to say things like, “I wish”, “Why did this happen”, “why was I not more intensive”, or “if only”. That ship has sailed, or it has not come to you.

Scrapbooking More. Actually, that has slowed down a lot. Since that time, I have created one scrapbook album for someone in 2018, a lady at church. The reason was around October 6, 2010, a little company called Instagram got started and paved the way for scrapbooking the traditional way obsolete. Instead of sharing scrapbook pages you have made with the photos you took, you share them on an account. No one was asking for an album to be made because they can make them on the phone and in an online account. Not only that, there were people who asked me at work why to make albums when all you are doing is wasting paper and making the world a bad place to live. Please do not get me started for there are worst things a person can do to desecrate this world than making a project out of paper. I shifted my focus more to making cards and learning how to turn my skills into freelance writing, graphic design, and projects. This lead to;

Taking my business more seriously. No explanation there, except I am still learning. This also leads to-

Photo by Pixabay

I am still learning and growing to better myself and to teach others. I keep mentioning that in a former career move, I was once a preschool teacher. While I may never find myself teaching anyone (children or adults) full-time again, I enjoy learning more so I can teach. Last month (June), I was thrown into being a teacher’s assistant for my church’s Vacation Bible School. I actually had double-duty. I was the assistant director and a teacher’s aide. One of the teachers ended up in the hospital before VBS got started, and since no one volunteered to be a helper and substitute for her, I volunteered. Even though it was for one week, I enjoyed listening to the children (ages 4-11), and it reminded me of why I chose to be a preschool teacher in the first place. Every once in a while, take in the small moments on why you started something in the first place. For me, it was the love of children, and watching how they process things and ideas. I will have a whole blog post on why I quit my teaching job later

Conclusion and takeaways

If you are a blogger, I suggest that you take a look at your first blog post to see how much you have grown as a writer. Even if your blog is only a few months old you will discover in that few months’ time how much you have grown as a writer.

If you are not a writer but do not know where to begin, start with journaling. Once you are in your comfort zone, try to expand your writing. It does not have to be a blog, but I can tell you right now that sharing in some compacity helps you to grow. Also, sharing helps you to be mindful on your writing skills. If it a journaling post you do not have to share every detail of your life.

If you do start blogging, use a program like Grammarly (a program I use and love). Grammarly is a free spell checker and grammar checker. Grammarly also comes in a premium subscription too.

Finally, if you share things like goals, it makes you more accountable than to say them and forget them. Work on those goals and update your readers.

Until next time, take care of those things that matter to you, which include those persons in your life that matter to you. You matter to me, so, take care, and God Bless you and your week.

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