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mead-iocre · 3 months

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Our New Normal Pt. 3 | Leah Williamson x Reader

Our New Normal 3/4 (pt.1) (pt.2)

Ding.

The ding of the elevator interrupts your train of thought. The closer you are to her flat, the more nervous you are about the inevitable. You had to tell her tonight. You had to tell Leah that you are transferring to Arsenal. This was the first time you had ever kept something so important from your best friend. The guilt was nearly eating you up inside and while you were nervous about how she might react to your news, you were ready to get rid of the weight baring down on your shoulders during the past couple of weeks.

You are gently pulled out of the elevator by the blonde, one of your hands tightly clasped in hers. You and Leah walk the short journey to her front door, the warm sensor lights illuminating the way as you walk further down the familiar hallway. It’s hard to ignore the way your steps are synchronised, a reminder of how easy and effortless it feels like to be with the Arsenal defender.

But that could all change after tonight.

You begin to tug your hand out of hers so she can grab her house key, but she tightens her grip. Instead, Leah uses the hand that was pulling your luggage to fish out her key from the pocket of her trousers to unlock the front door. Your hand was safely intertwined in hers the entire time. This was normal. While Leah has always been an affectionate person, especially with you, you had a feeling that this was more than that. You had no doubt that the blonde can probably sense the change in your mood– she could read your cues and signals better than anyone. Leah could probably tell that you are pulling away from her, even if she doesn’t know the reason why, and she was stopping you from doing so. Literally.

——————————————

You never realised how much you detested coats and jackets, but now you have come to the realisation that they weren’t your favourite thing. First of all, some coats on the market aren’t insulated enough to keep you warm, and it can be very hard to find the perfect coat without spending so much money. Secondly, having a coat on meant that you have no choice but to let go of Leah’s hand in order to slip off your coat. Once your hand left hers, you immediately miss the comfort it provided. Not only were you enjoying the feeling of her hand in hers, but it gave you something to focus on instead of the onslaught of worrying thoughts that have begun to fill your mind. Every insecurity, doubt and uncertainty about how this night was going to go were now on the forefront of your mind.

“Right. I’m gonna order a takeaway” Leah walks over to switch the lights on, and her entire flat comes to life. She drops her keys onto the porcelain trinket tray that you had bought for her and wanders further into her flat. Leah has a tendency to misplace her keys, so you suggested setting up a designated place where she can leave her keys and so far there haven’t been any incidents. Yet.

You follow in behind her, slipping your feet into a pair of shearling slippers that the blonde had bought for you a few months ago. They were terribly overpriced, thanks to the iconic “H” cut-out that proudly boasts the luxury designer, but you couldn’t refuse her very expensive gift when she had excitedly pulled out a matching pair for herself.

Walking straight into the lounge, you spot the merinos wool throw blanket that you had bought and left at her house. It was also a very expensive purchase, and not one you would usually make, but you justified it by saying it’s for both of you. You and Leah would nestle underneath the blanket together whenever you were watching trashy tv shows on her sofa. By the corner of the window, you see the Kentia Palm plant, nestled in a ceramic plant pot, that you routinely nag the blonde to mist regularly. The bookshelf across the sofa proudly displays frame photographs of the most special people in Leah’s life. Some with family, some with friends, and some with you. There were pictures from your early years at England camp, playing for the youth teams. There were also photos outside of football, photos that never made the instagram feed and were only just for your eyes.

There are remnants of you all over her home.

After delivering your luggage to the guest room, she walks over to you and cups your rosy cheeks in her hands. “Put something comfy on and warm up, baby.”

It wasn’t long before you and Leah were seated at the table, a selection of all of your favourite Chinese takeaway dishes spread out in front of you. The aroma of sweet and sour chicken wafted through the air, mingling with the savoury scent of beef and broccoli; crispy spring rolls beckoned from their perch on a porcelain plate, making it almost difficult to choose which dish to taste first. Without further hesitation, the both of you began to tuck in. Together, you both sampled each dish with gusto, comfortable conversation and shared laughter filled the usual silence of the defender’s flat. Leah animatedly told a story about the time Kyra pranked a few of the girls on the team by hiding their boots and shin pads around the training grounds and sending them on a wild goose chase to find them.

As the meal drew to a close, you both leaned back in your chairs, sated and content. Now was probably the right time to tell the Arsenal defender about your transfer. You put your chopsticks down and turn your gaze at your best friend.

“Leah, can we talk…”

“Sounds serious.” Leah puts her own pair of chopsticks down on top of her napkin before she pushes her plate to the side. “You alright?”

“Yeah. I-it’s nothing bad. At least I hope not for you”

Leah leans forward in her seat. There’s a small smile on her face, but her eyebrows are furrowed slightly in concern. “You’re making me nervous, baby”

“I wanted to talk to you about my transfer…”

“Look, y/n.”

A brief pause of silence.

Leah takes a deep breath before continuing “I want you to know that I wouldn’t be mad if you signed for Chelsea. Honestly. It is still fucking weird to think about it though and I’m seriously considering knocking you on the head a few times– but if they had put down an offer and you want it then go for it.”

“That’s great, Lee, but-“

The blonde runs a hand through her hair in frustration, a habit she must’ve picked up from being around you so often. “I still can’t believe Arsenal didn’t put down an offer– I mean, you’re one of the best midfielders in the world right now. Seriously.”

“Lee–“

“Although it’s a bit weird that you would still consider playing for my rival club, like among all the wsl teams out there, you chose the club that happened to my club’s direct rival– wait does that mean we’re rivals now–”

“LEAH”

“WHAT”

“I signed for Arsenal”

One breath in, one breath out.

Two beats of your pulse.

“…fuck off.”

“Leah!”

“Don’t fucking joke about that” You wince at the sound of her chair scrapping against the hardwood floors as the blonde abruptly stands up. Her hands on her hips, face flushed red in anger. Annoyance even, perhaps. Her lips are pressed together firmly and her eyebrows are still furrowed.

“I’m not fucking joking. I signed for Arsenal”

Silence.

Two more beats of your pulse.

“Y/N listen to me– my heart is up to my fucking ears right now, and I swear to bloody god if you are saying all this just to have a laugh–“

The blonde in front of you begins to gesture wildly, hands pointing here and there but her posture remains stiff. A flicker of uncertainty danced across her gaze, mirroring the storm of thoughts that were probably racing through her mind at this very moment. The slight tremor in her hands betrayed the internal struggle as she sought to manage the anxiety probably bubbling within.

Every so often, Leah’s lips parted as if she wanted to speak, but it was as if the words remained trapped in the hesitancy of the moment. A subtle, rhythmic tapping of her foot on the floor betrayed the restlessness, a visual of the nervous anticipation coursing through her veins. You hear an audible hitch in her next inhale

and then silence again.

You give into the silence for a moment. Your own hands are trembling and your heart was pounding but you want to give the girl in front of you the time to process it. It takes a lot to leave Leah Williamson speechless, and if it were a different situation you would’ve teased and bragged about how you had been the one to leave her completely speechless.

But now was not the time to joke around.

After another moment of silence, you could not take it anymore. The quiet was almost suffocating at this point, when it reality it had probably only been a few minutes.

You expected the blonde to be happy– to be jumping for joy over the fact that the two of you will now be teammates for country and club. However, the lack of reaction was making you second guess your decision to sign for her club.

“Leah…” You start, but then stop yourself. You hate seeing the uncertainty in her gaze. You hate the way the defender in front of you is hunched over slightly, almost as if she was trying to make herself smaller, seeking a shield against the external world that seemed to loom large around her.

You take a deep breath and start again. “I’m not lying. I did sign for Arsenal. I wouldn’t lie to you–“

You wanted to explain things to her but she cut you off.

“You made me think you were leaving me” Hearing those words leave her lips nearly broke you.

Your chair rattles at the sheer force of how quickly you stood up to level her stare. “I– I know, Lee, but I wanted to surprise you”

“For weeks I was stressin’ about where you would be moving to. I was trying to calculate how far Lyon was from London– I was fucking looking up plane tickets, trying to figure out when I can come visit–“

You wanted to run. Like you normally would. You hated seeing the look on your best friend’s face. A face so familiar that it became a source of solace and comfort during your time of need. Now, however, the face looking back at you was filled with disappointment and distrust.

If it were some other time, you would be out of that room. You hated confrontation. You hated the feeling of being forced to say what you feel on the spot because the thought of accidentally blurting something horrible out in the heat of the moment terrified you.

But you weren’t going to run this time. Not when Leah was being vulnerable and honest. Your usually strong and capable defender looked like she was the one that needed defending right now. But how were you going to do that when the one thing that was hurting her right now

…was you.

“I’m sorry, Leah. I really am” Your hands were trembling. You felt like you were losing her, and yet she was never even yours to begin with.

You close your eyes, taking a moment to will your heart to stop pounding so hard. “I would’ve told you earlier– honestly. But then I started to have second thoughts– I mean I started to worry about–“

The next words were stuck in your throat. Tears had started to well up in your eyes, and the soon enough your vision of the blonde in front of you was drowned out by tears. You hastily start wiping away your tears when you feel another hand reach out to grab hold of your arm. A warm thumb gently glides across the span of your cheeks, brushing your tears away lightly.

“Don’t cry. I can’t stay mad at you if you cry” It was said in a hushed murmur. Like she had just divulged in a secret, in a confession.

You push her arm away slightly. She was standing a little too close. Close enough that you could fall into her and she would catch you. But you wanted to explain things before you gave into the urge to run away like always.

“I really didn’t mean to lie to you. I swear, Leah. I was worried that you wouldn’t like me being around you to much–”

An eyebrow raise from the blonde was her only reply. Leah had expressed to you multiple times that she wanted you at Arsenal in passing over the years, but you couldn’t help the small nagging doubt that clouded your mind once in a while.

Leah chooses to remain silent for the most part. In the many years that she has known you, this is the first time she has ever seen you lay all your cards out right in front of her, so there was no chance in bloody hell that she was going to interrupt you. Leah often joked that you were the master of avoidance. Whenever a difficult conversation loomed on the horizon, you would flee from the confrontation rather than face it head-on. It wasn't that you were afraid of conflict, but rather that you found it easier to run away than to confront the issue at hand.

She had gotten used to your flighty responses every time you argued, so this change was a surprise to her.

And she was so proud of you.

Her usually reserved and collected girl was pouring her heart out, and she was more than ready to piece it back together again– once you were done speaking, of course.

A lock of your hair falls in front of your face but before you can reach up to push it away, Leah does it for you. Her touch was feather-light as she tucks your hair behind your ear. This was normal. It was a simple act, one she had done countless of times before, but each time it felt like a reaffirmation of the unspoken intimacy between the two of you.

You grab her hand before it can fall back to her side. You need something to steady you as your world falls on its axis, and Leah was your anchor. She gives your hand a squeeze, taking a step closer to you.

Gone were the piercing blues earlier, instead they were now replaced by a softer, warmer look. She gives your hand another squeeze when she notices your slightly dazed expression. “Continue, baby”

The familiar nickname gives you butterflies. Like it always does.

“I was beginning to second guess my transfer because I was scared that us being around each other so much would ruin our friendship. Y-you know that saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder? Yeah, well what happens if we see each other too much? I-if there is no absence–”

“Baby, what the fuck are you on about”

“That saying that–“

“I don’t give a fuck what a saying says” She air-quotes with her fingers. “I want you with me all the time.”

The defender squeezes her eyes shut for a moment, trying to suppress the urge to simultaneously yell out in frustration and laugh. Not at you, but at your absurd idea that she would grow tired of you. She finds that idea laughable.

“Y/N, listen to me. I was upset because I wanted to be there for you. We did almost everything together. Remember when we signed our first professional contract, we did it together–”

You cut her off. “Actually you signed yours first. Mine was a couple days after because the mens team had a match at Old Trafford”

The familiar, unimpressed look the blonde gave you had you fighting to a grin. Maybe everything will be alright.

“I saw the comments when you announced your transfer. I saw the fucking nasty ones too, about how you were selfish for leaving United, and I wanted to be there for you every step of the way. To protect you from all that”

“You can’t protect me from everything, Lee”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t fucking try”

Leah takes a deep breath before focusing her gaze at you again. Her voice was quieter this time, timid. “I just feel like you’ve essentially shunned me from such a big step of your career. Like this is your first club transfer and I wasn’t a part of it in any way– not that I think I deserve to be because it’s your career but like– fuck we usually did everything together ya know..”

“I know I probably sound so selfish right now, y/n, but I felt like you didn’t want me to be a part of that. I felt like you were pulling away from me”

You frown. You were so focused of keeping this entire transfer surprise away from Leah that you did not expect her to feel left out in the process. Maybe you should’ve been more attentive. Whenever Leah would ask about your transfer, you would brush off her questions and quickly change the subject. You didn’t think that by doing so, you were making her feel like you didn’t care about her feelings.

“I’m sorry, Leah. I didn’t think that by keeping this away from you, I was pushing you away. I was just so focused on surprising you…”

“S’alright. I do feel like I’m overstepping–“

“No. You have every right to feel this way, Lee. You’re a huge part of my life and you’re right– we do everything together”

“Yeah. Well it seems like we’ll be doing a lot of things together from now on” Her tone was now light, and playful.

Leah finally breaks the looming tension with a smile, but not just any smile. She’s smiling the kind of smile that she only reserves just for you. With her lips curved in a tender crescent, her smile held the promise of a thousand intimate secrets, like the ones shared and whispered at 2 am in the morning during England camp. Her blue eyes, now alight with affection and warmth, drawing you into their depths like a moth to a flame. It wasn't just the physicality of her smile that captivated you—it was the way it spoke volumes without uttering a single word. It was the silent reassurance it offered whenever she knew you needed it.

In Leah’s smile, you found solace, understanding, and an unwavering sense of home.

“We’ll see how we get on when we’re together 24/7” You mutter, still not fully convinced.

“Baby, listen to me” The blonde cups your face in her hands, lightly stroking your cheek with her thumb. “Quit being such a worrywart. Yeah, we’ll probably get on each other’s nerves. That’s normal. I’ll do things that’ll piss you off, you’ll tell me to go ‘fuck myself’ and vice versa. We’ll still disagree on things– like how you’ll probably nag me about forgetting my boots at training, or how I’ll have to remind you about refilling the petrol in the car because I have an irrational fear of you being stranded somewhere with no petrol”

Leah waits a moment, wanting you to process what she just said. Her gaze firm, unwavering. When she notices your eyes start to water again, she knows it’s not because you’re sad or angry. She knows you’re just overwhelmed. She pulls you close, and tucks your face into the crook of her neck. With your tears wet against her neck and your arms hanging limp by your side, she can almost feel your exhaustion– both from the events of day and the emotional rollercoaster you both had to endure today.

You welcome her embrace, wanting to bury yourself in the safety and comfort of her arms. She faintly smells like her favourite perfume, delicate notes of jasmine and cedar wood still cling to a warm spot on the side of her neck. You nestle further into her.

"That's normal, baby. Otherwise relationships and friendships would be far too easy, too boring. But we will always work it out in the end. That's how we work. You run, I follow. I get angry, you calm me down. That's us. And that won't change just because we see each other more often. I promise"

After another minute of silence, Leah pulls back slightly. She gently grabs your face out from where it was buried in her neck, so you could meet eye to eye again. She frowns at the sight of your tear-stained cheeks, and uses her thumbs to wipe away the lingering tracks of moisture that streaked down your cheeks.

“Enough tears” She mutters, bringing your face close and resting her forehead against yours. A whispered secret only meant for the two of you. “You’re breaking my heart, baby”

She presses a kiss on your forehead, her lips soft and warm against your skin. “Do you understand what I said earlier? About not being a worrywart?” “m’not a worrywart” The blonde chuckles at the pout that you give her. Your eyes are still glassy, the tip of your nose red, and your hair was a mess, but to her you were the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. Bloody adorable too.

You poke her playfully on her side, giggling when she jerks away and narrows her eyes at you, but her lips are already curled upwards.

“I understand, Lee.”

The next thing you know the blonde has wrapped her arms around you waist, lifting you up and leaving your feet dangling in midair. You squeal and quickly move to wrap your arms around her neck tightly. You knew she wouldn’t drop you. You trusted her more than anyone else in the world. You were just looking for an excuse to hold her close. You laugh by her ear as she spins the both of you around a few times, excited cheers and whoops replace the tense silence earlier.

When she stops spinning and your feet are planted firmly back on the ground again, you both stand there grinning at each other before she breaks the moment.

“You’re now a Gunner.” “Woahhh hang on a minute– ” Placing both of your hands on the blonde’s chest, you push her away lightly. You are also hyperaware of her hands that are still resting on your hips, a thumb hooked onto one of your jean’s belt hoop.

Ignoring the pounding of your heart from Leah spinning you around just a second ago, and now from the mere proximity of her, you narrow your eyes at her.

“Lee, that actually gave me the ick. Don’t call me that” You groan, but your whining falls deaf to her ears.

“Y/L/N is now a bloody fucking Gunner” She practically screams at your face, her smile growing at your less-than-enthusiastic face.

The blonde then abruptly pauses her celebrations “Bet your spurs fan dad wasn’t too happy”

“Oh he was fumin’” Leah laughs loudly at that. She and your dad often butted heads, especially during derby days when the mens team were playing against each other. They would purposely rile each other up and taunts would be thrown throughout the match, but it was all in good fun. Leah didn’t know it, but your dad would secretly root for Arsenal when she was on the pitch. When you called him out for it, he said he was “cheering for Leah, not Arsenal.” Yeah right.

In the moody lighting of Leah’s kitchen, shadows dance across the walls like silent spectres, lucky to have been granted a peek into what seems to be the beginning of a new chapter– not just for you– but for Leah as well.

Leah, who had been by your side for many, many years. Leah who has been your friend, your confidant, and your lifeline.

“…so we’re actually going to be teammates at Arsenal, huh?”

In the corners of this kitchen, shadows linger like forgotten whispers. The soft glow of the pendant ceiling light that you had given her as a house-warming gift hangs above the dining table, casting a gentle hue over the both of you. The flickering flames of the candles that decorate the table dance across the room like fireflies in the night.

“It appears that way”

It’s hard to ignore the way shadows dance across her cheeks, the soft light tracing the contours of her jawline and the arch of her brows. Her eyes, darker than usual in the dimness, glimmer. The faint light catches the sparkle in her eyes, leaving you almost breathless from the intensity of her gaze.

She takes a step closer to you, until you could almost feel her breath as it fans across your face.

“And we’re going to be seeing each other a lot”

She reaches out to take your hand in hers.

“Yep. At training, recovery, meal times, team meetings…”

Your eyes are drawn to the way her tongue peeks out to wet her bottom lip. A nervous habit of hers that you have become familiar with over the years. Her lips part slightly, catching the light in a soft gleam, their natural colour deepened. She cranes her neck down slightly, forcing your gaze away from her lips and back to meet her eyes. If she noticed you staring at her lips, she doesn’t mention it. Instead, with her voice barely above a whisper, she began to speak.

“Move in with me”

For a brief moment, it was just silence as you both take in what this means for the both of you. This kitchen became a place of quiet refuge from the outside world. Here, you told your best friend and the woman who has somehow crammed her way into your heart that your lives will change.

You were not only going to be teammates who only saw each other during national duty camp, but now your lives will be intertwined even further. Here, amidst the flickering shadows and muted glow of her kitchen, time seems to stand still. Tonight, you will bask in these moments of intimacy and secrets that are only meant for the two of you, before the rest of the world found out.

“Yes.”

The much much-awaited chapter was worth it. Hopefully I met all your expectations (if you had any lol). It was a bit angsty-ish but I hope the ending made it worth it considering I was thinking about leaving it on a cliffhanger

but I'm not that evil.

Here's to breaking more glass ceilings. Happy International Women's day, my loves!

-- kisses, butter.

#woso #woso fanfics #leah williamson #leah williamson x reader #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso blurbs #woso community #leah williamson imagine #Our New Normal fic

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icallhimjoey · 2 months

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Explain Us

♥ ♥ Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: So, more than flatmates... but, what exactly? Would be fantastic if you would just, you know, talk about it. But communicating is not your strong suit and you're extremely certain that it's fine. Confusing and vague, but, fine.

CW / disclaimer: rpf, fem!reader, a continuation of define close, no need to read it to enjoy this, though it will help!, language

Author’s note: happy end or nah? HAPPY END OR NAH????

Wordcount: 4.6K

part one - part two - part three - part four - part five

You had to fix it.

Had to apologise and not leave it too long, because if you left it too long, you’d just leave it forever and then you’d never fucking sleep again.

“peperoni or chicken?” you texted, then waited.

It had been just over two hours since you’d walked out of Joe’s flat and you felt extremely stupid. It only got worse when you saw Joe had received and read the message, but then went offline again.

Left on read. Great.

“veg?”

Double grey checkmark.

“just cheese?”

No response.

So, pizza wasn’t the answer. What a crazy concept. It had been the exact right answer for a long time, but, for you. Sharing a pizza with Joe was his fix for you.

What could be Joe’s answer? What could be your fix for him? Your apology didn’t have to be huge. He’d moved out without a heads up, for fuck’s sake. You’d just knocked over a plant.

Oh.

A plant?

Yea. A plant. A big one. A big, green, nice leafy plant.

For in the corner. Or, wherever else Joe wanted to put it. He got to decide that for himself. You knew where it would go best, but, it wasn’t your flat, so you weren’t going to push your opinion. Not unless he asked. It would absolutely look best in that bit of dead space by the–

No.

His flat. His plant. His choice.

A big plant. A gift from you to him. Former flatmate to former flatmate. To be friendly and kind and normal.

To say sorry.

But, without words.

Joe could just accept the gesture and not mention it and then you could go back to normal. Or, well, find a new normal. That would be best.

People gave people plants for house warming gifts, didn’t they? This was normal. If someone would ask, it wouldn’t be weird. And the little plant that you carried in the tote around your shoulder was technically his, so that wasn’t strange either.

“Here you go!” someone else entered the shop just as you left, and held the door open for you.

“Yea, got it! Thank you!” you tried to sound more upbeat than you were whilst you carefully manoeuvred yourself out. Polite smiles got exchanged and you adjusted your grip a little, the big kentia palm heavy in your hands.

House warming gift.

Normal.

You were a normal friend, making your way over to your normal friend who was moving into his new normal flat and you were bringing normal house warming gifts.

If his dad was still there you could say that you just went out to go and replace what you’d accidentally broken.

You really hoped he would be there still, weirdly. His dad. Wished for the barrier of another person there.

And your panicked walk-out from earlier was easily explained too. You’d made a mistake and had felt embarrassed.

Normal. Hauling a massive plant across London, maybe not so normal. But fine. With every step you took the plant grew heavier and you grew more uncomfortable. Two nights of barely any sleep really weren’t working in your favour here. But, it was fine.

Walking up, you noticed the moving van was gone.

When you rang his doorbell, you waited to maybe hear Joe’s voice ask who was there, but the door just buzzed and you were let into the building.

You didn’t have to wait for the lift, and you kind of wished that you did. That you’d had a minute to collect yourself.

But no.

Second floor.

And Joe’s door was already open, the flat all quiet. Bin bags filled with what seemed to be just plastic wrapping were placed to the side and all boxes seemed to have made their way into their new respective rooms.

And, then, there was Joe. Stood in his kitchen. On his own. Busy with– something. You couldn’t see what he was doing, since he had his back turned.

He’d obviously heard you come in, but he didn’t turn around. Even after you cleared your throat, he delayed greeting you and made you feel like a fucking idiot.

“Surprise,” you said in a small voice, far more shaky than you wanted it to be. “Got you a house warming gift, and,” you put the plant down and reached for your tote. “And, also, this. This is yours, too.”

Little crispy wave.

You put it down and gestured a nervous hand Joe didn’t even see. It felt stupid and awkward.

It took another moment before Joe turned around.

He didn’t even look at the big plant. Or the little one. Just looked right at you and kept his face all serious.

“Can we talk?”

No.

“Sure.”

And then you just looked at each other a moment. Shared unsaid things with looks, the way you always did, but you remained frustratingly closed off as Joe tried to pry you open.

He copied the way you were standing then.

Crossed his arms over his stomach and then pulled his shoulders up to his ears and kept them there as he made big eyes at you.

Was he making fun?

You shrugged as a response. Nodded a little and pretended to be nonchalant about it. Yea you were closed off. Had Joe forgotten he hadn’t told you he was moving out? That everything about the current situation you found yourselves in was unwanted and uncomfortable because of him?

And, okay, sure. Yea. You had your hand in this way of being with each other too. But you were the way you were inside of your flat, never out.

So you remained distant.

Kept your arms crossed and stayed right where you were, even though what you craved most right in this moment was the exact opposite. But you couldn’t just step closer and hug Joe right now. Couldn’t just be hugged by Joe right now.

“I don’t–... what am I to you?” Joe asked, genuinely curious.

The sun, you thought. The light when everything else was dark. Softness when everything else had sharp edges. The bit of comfort amongst all the excruciating grief. The fix.

Joe was the fix to every single problem you’d ever had since you’d moved into your flat with him all that time ago.

You said none of those things, of course.

Couldn’t.

So you just blinked rapidly, and hoped you wouldn’t actually cry. It didn’t feel like Joe was in a mood to be very comforting right now, so you really tried your hardest to keep a straight face.

“Tell me. What are we?”

You very nearly said flatmate. But your throat grew thick, and you shook your head. Unable to answer. Flatmate was the wrong answer, anyway.

“No?”

More head shaking. Couldn’t say shit. Joe was no longer your flatmate.

“Well, what... what do you want me to do?” Joe sounded kind, but defeated. You were making this unnecessarily difficult, and Joe didn’t have the answers.

So, you tried your hand at one. At an answer.

“To, um...” you had to stop, clear your throat before you continued, “To water that plant at least once a week.”

You deflected just like you’d done earlier that day. When Joe’d laughed and had hugged you and you hadn’t hugged him back because you weren’t alone in your flat and you never hugged outside of your flat, and fuck off, you were such a stupid bitch, you should’ve just hugged him back then.

“Keep it out of direct sunlight–” your voice wobbled as Joe cut you off.

“No, stop it. Don’t, you’re– baby, please.”

Baby.

That shot you right in the chest. Made you drop your head as your face scrunched up and tears fell right to the floor.

Baby.

“What do I do? What do you want?”

Concern flitted across his face, and if Joe thought that this was going to help you get your words out, he was dead wrong. The want to just leave once more was there. You felt it in your legs. In your feet. In the way the corners of your mouth got pulled down by emotion and exhaustion and– you weren’t made for this shit. You wanted out.

But Joe was quick.

Before you could even bring a hand up to your face to hide your pout, Joe was there. Curled arms around your back and tightly squeezed you against his chest so you got to hide your pout in there. Rested his head atop yours and softly shushed you.

You weren’t even really crying, but Joe’s embrace was welcome anyway.

It always was.

“I know you see it. You see it right? Feel it?”

You nodded. You did see it. Did feel it. But that shit was terrifying, and so, no thanks. You could just be blind and void of feelings forever and everything would be fine.

It wasn’t. Wouldn’t be. Obviously.

And Joe was just shoving your face into the fact that it wasn’t and would never be. Needed you to admit to it. Or at least acknowledge it. Something.

“So then talk to me. What do I do? What do you want?”

Your face scrunched up in a mixture of both hurt and anger. You wanted a lot of things. You wanted to crawl inside Joe’s clothes and tell him to shut the fuck up and simultaneously wanted to slowly push him down the stairs the way you’d pushed that plant to its demise earlier that day.

He was an idiot that was trying his best to fix something he’d caused.

He wasn the fix this time.

He was the cause of the hurt.

The second you realised that, you opened your mouth to speak, yet all that came out was a sob.

A pathetic small little sob that shook you by the shoulders more than it made an actual sound.

It made Joe squeeze you tighter as he shushed you more, but the shushing just fueled the anger.

Did he want you to talk to him or not?!

“You’ve never been– you’re not meant to be the cause, you– you’re the cause now.”

You got the words out and felt how the anger was fleeting.

“I know, baby. I know.”

Baby.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to be the reason you– you know, hence the... you need to know that I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t have gone about it like that, I just...”

You loved being able to feel Joe’s voice as he spoke, but the words gave you anxiety.

You never talked, and this was a lot.

You were so fucking tired.

“I’m sorry, I should–...”

Should leave? Get out? Stop this awkward chat because you were crying and it wasn’t slowly ebbing away but was very persistently setting up camp right behind your eyes where you knew it was going to stay put and hurt your throat and it took effort the whole time to not burst into louder sobs and–

“What do you want?”

Joe didn’t let go. Didn’t let that stupid question go either. You still hadn’t answered it yet, and Joe desperately wanted you to.

You had to say it. Had to use your voice, no matter how hoarse and barely-there it was.

Where you hated how small and stupid and weak you sounded, this was the type of stuff Joe fucking lived for.

Did he hate that he knew exactly why you were emotional right now? That he was responsible for the state of you right now?

Yes absolutely.

Guilt ate away at him from the inside out, but look, he was fixing it, and you were outside of the flat, and you’d come back after you’d left in a hurry earlier, and he had already been trying to accept the idea that maybe he wouldn’t see you for a while, you know?

Yet here you were.

All wrapped up in his arms.

All safe.

He couldn’t exactly protect you from himself, but he knew that what was done was necessary and important. He’d just done it wrong.

He’d kiss it better though.

Joe pressed soft kisses into your hair and then whispered, “Hmm? What is it you want?”

And you only really had one answer.

“To sleep.” you murmured, and you weren’t lying. Joe was holding you and he was warm and he smelt nice and you really wanted to go to sleep. “I’m tired.”

It wasn’t what he wanted to hear, but, all right. You’d answered his question.

“Mhmm. Go to sleep then. Get some–”

Joe stopped when you shook your head no and stuttered through breathing that grew more erratic as you tried to stiffle your sobbing.

“I can’t, it’s...”

God, it was so stupid.

Saying this shit out loud was so fucking awkward and lame and everything sounded daft and wrong, and not at all like the actual thoughts and feelings you felt inside, and Joe wouldn’t understand what you actually meant.

You couldn’t fucking sleep without Joe there.

Stiffling sobs only built them up until larger ones slipped out.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Joe shushed, pressed his lips into your hair, squeezed you tighter and rocked a little from side to side.

You felt like a fucking child.

It wasn’t okay.

But Joe shushed you, and swayed you, and if you closed your eyes it was kind of like you were both at home where this was totally fine and okay and just how you were.

Joe was making light of something heavy because he was so good at making light of all things heavy.

You had been what you were for so long that now the prospect of no longer being that felt so foreign to you, it only made you duck into Joe’s grasp even more.

Joe wanted to ask the same question again.

Wanted to whisper it into your hair. What do you want, and, what am I to you exactly, because you were no longer flatmates now, and, what did you tell your friend, how did you explain to her what you were together, what words did you use?

He could tell you what he wanted you to say, but that wouldn’t count. It didn’t work like that.

What did it work like, though?

Forcing you to fucking speak?

Making you cry so he could swoop right in and kiss it better like a manipulative twat?

Outside of the flat you shared it only became more clear to Joe that this wasn’t normal, and that a new normal was desperately needed. One where you lived in your own spaces and had a little distance and would then meet up every once in a while and have dates in the outside world like normal people.

Necessary and important.

You stood in Joe’s kitchen for a while.

Joe held you until you stopped shaking and your breathing evened out. He knew for sure you’d stopped crying when he felt one of your hands search for the hem of his T-shirt to sneak under and touch the bare skin of his back.

Had you been at home, this is where he would’ve walked you over to sit down on the sofa.

But there was no sofa to go sit on.

And sure, Joe’s bed had been put together, but it wasn’t made, and there were so many boxes to go through still. Shit to unpack. He had mates coming ‘round later that were going to help with the flatpacks and, did he want to just find his covers and lay down with you for the rest of the day? Yes. Absolutely. But he couldn’t.

Joe let go of you and reached for your sneaking hand. Pulled it from under the fabric and broke his own heart when he watched your face, tear-stained and blotchy, as you came to terms with there being no familiar next steps.

Not this time.

It was enough to make your breath hitch in your throat once more, but you were quick to calm yourself down. Joe got to see from up close how you closed your eyes and took slow deep breaths through your nose.

And then, surprising both him and yourself, you answered Joe’s earlier question.

What do you want?

“I want you to sell this place and come back.”

A bold joke. Not not true, but definitely silly. You knew that was never going to happen, and you opened your eyes only to see Joe trying his hardest to fight a smile off of his face.

“I’m not going to sell this place and come back.” Joe said in his gentlest voice, playing with the hand he was still holding onto. He held it by your index finger and your pinky and just shook it about a bit.

“Imagine if I did,” Joe carefully tried a joke in return, and he thanked the fucking stars when you smiled.

“Tell you what will be going back with you, though.”

Joe let go of your hand and picked up the small asplenium. His crispy wave that he placed in your bedroom that he liked so much he decided to get his own one, for his own flat, so you’d have a matching set, which you then went and broke.

“No, it’s... they’re buddies.”

You pointed at the big kentia palm with a little pout and Joe was about to fucking die at how cute you were being.

“Yea, all right.” Joe said, but still moved to place the small pot back in the tote you left on the side. “They can be buddies. But they’ll just... they’ll live at different flats.”

Joe took your hand and moved the straps of the bag up your arm. Pushed them onto your shoulder with soft care and made sure they laid flat.

“But they’ll miss each other.” you tried, obviously no longer talking about the plants.

Joe smiled.

“They won’t need to. They can still see each other all the time. They can text. Call. Have dinner– have pizza together. Sleep over. Stay the night. They wont have to miss each other.”

And that was that.

You were told to go get some rest. Joe would call you later.

And sure.

You could do that.

Didn’t like it.

But you could do that.

Kind of had no other choice, anyway.

With your little plant in your bag and the promise of seeing each other later, you left his flat, and felt... sort of numb. Still exhausted and somewhat empty, but, you got to keep the plant, so that was one thing.

You still didn’t want to look at all the empty in your flat, so you beelined it straight into your bedroom when you came home. Placed Joe’s plant back in the window and tried to get some rest.

And it really should’ve been so easy.

You were tired. Had had two consecutive nights of barely any sleep and the emotional rollercoaster you’d just experienced left your brain absolutely functionless.

Just, defective. Error 404.

And you’d nearly fallen asleep standing up in Joe’s kitchen forty-five minutes ago as he’d held you, but somehow... it just didn’t work on your own. In your own bed.

But you tried.

You really fucking tried.

You tossed and turned for ages until tears of frustration slipped into your pillow.

Fuck Joe.

Fuck him and his ways of making you feel so cherished. You weren’t feeling very cherished right now, how fucking foul of him. To be around at your disposal for ages, letting things naturally progress, and to then just vanish? Leave you without the ability to sleep in your own bed? Could only get some actual shut-eye in his room?

And, well. A drowning man will clutch at a fucking straw, won’t he?

Desperate times called for desperate measures.

In a wave of fury you slung the covers back and hauled yourself up and out of bed.

If Joe wasn’t going to fucking fix this, you were.

You heard a key slide into your front door just after dragging your heavy mattress over to what used to be Joe’s bedroom and you froze in a panic.

Joe still had his key.

Of course he did.

Shit.

You were stood in the doorway of your bedroom, pillows under your arms and a corner of your duvet in your hand.

The door opened and just like you’d expected, Joe stepped into view, looking all soft with fluffy hair and big eyes and soft skind and– and actually... yea, this was perfect.

Just what you needed, actually.

Joe saw you before he closed the door behind him.

Mess of a girl. Hair everywhere. Bags under her eyes. Clothes twisted around her body. Holding as much of her bedding as she could hold with just two arms.

You slowly blinked at him.

“Hey... what are you...”

Joe was holding a pizza box.

Brought dinner.

It was a bit late for dinner, but he hadn’t been able to stop looking at the texts you’d sent that he never responded to.

“What’s going on?”

You dropped what you were holding and stepped forward. Joe thought you were going for a hug, maybe, but instead, you reached for the pizza box. Took it from him and the put it down onto the floor right next to him.

Didn’t need that.

Just needed Joe.

“Are you all right? Hey. Look at me.”

Without saying anything you then took hold of Joe’s arm and pulled him along. Into his old bedroom. Pushed at his shoulders and made him sit down onto the mattress before you turned and went to get all the bedding you’d dropped.

You didn’t care he had his coat on still. Had his shoes on still.

It took a second for Joe to fully understand what was happening.

What was going on right now.

Why you seemed so fucking out of it and why you didn’t answer any of his questions or his confused looks.

Joe watched as you walked back into the room and stepped onto your mattress, duvet dragging on the floor behind you. He held an arm out, said, “C’mere,” and you didn’t need to be told fucking twice.

Dropped all you were holding once again, but this time, it turned your mattress on the floor into somewhat of an actual bed. Not a made one; it was a whole heap of soft on one side, and then just Joe on the other.

But he said come here, and you only had so much brain capacity left, you know?

You let yourself fall onto your knees and crawled until you found Joe’s lap. You shifted and turned and wiggled yourself onto him and then Joe let himself fall back, legs splayed out on the floor, but enough of him on the mattress for you to curl up on properly.

You laid chest to chest. Soft stomach to soft stomach. Heart to heart. Your head on his shoulder, your nose nudging into the squishy flesh under his chin, and your eyelashes tickled into the scruff on his jaw.

“Yea? Is this better?” Joe whispered and patted a searching hand around until he found the duvet. He pulled it across until you were both covered with it and you hummed on the exhale of a contented sigh.

This was it.

This was what your body had been craving. Was exactly what you needed.

“You comfy, baby?”

Baby.

“Mhmm,”

Joe shifted his hips, and your crotches were also definitely right on top of each other, but it went ignored. Not important right now.

Sleep was important right now.

Warmth, and comfort, and Joe’s velvety soothing voice were important right now.

His heartbeat, and his smell, and his stroking fingers that found the soft warm skin of your back to leave goosebumps on as he trailed fingertips all the way and all the way back down were important right now.

“That’s it, just relax.”

You couldn’t even properly hum anymore, your throat just made a little noise, and when Joe felt you sink into him even deeper, his chest hurt with unexpressed affection.

You were falling asleep.

The light in the hallway was still on, his bedroom door wide open, shoes and coat still on, but you were falling asleep on top of him and God, if that didn’t make him question every single choice he’d made over the past few months.

He dipped his chin a little and planted a little kiss on wherever it landed. Side of your nose, Joe thought.

You accepted it and nudged him back into place and Joe had to squeeze his eyes shut at how fucking adorable that was.

He was going to tell you in the morning.

Promised himself he would.

He wanted exactly this, the way you were inside the flat, but, have that elsewhere.

Not just here.

Have that outside.

In his new flat.

In front of other people.

“Hey,” Joe whispered, but he got no response. The only noise that filled the room was your shared breathing, and, good, Joe thought. Sleep.

He was going to say the words anyway.

“It won’t always be like this.”

You heard them.

And Joe was right.

But you were immediately aware of how fucking cruel that sounded. Because, obviously, it wasn’t always going to be like this. Joe wasn’t always going to be showing up at your front door with a box of pizza and a bunch of time on his hands. He wasn’t going to be around for ever. Let himself be pushed onto a mattress so you could sleep on top of him. Life would eventually run away with him.

You’d only been flatmates once, and the probability that any of what that meant remained was astronomically small.

Joe’d had flatmates before he no longer spoke to. So did you.

Of course, you knew it wouldn’t always be like this.

But, it also wouldn’t always be like this.

There would be other guys, other men, that would try to provide you with the same idea of comfort and safety and it wouldn’t be the same, but it’d be just as nice. Just different.

There’d likely be new flatmates, different people to share living space with, new people to share pizza with, and it wouldn’t be like this.

Not as nice.

Not as effortless and fucking easy as it was with Joe.

Where everything meant nothing and something at the same time.

It wouldn’t be like this.

“I know.”

You surprised Joe with your barely there whisper, and it startled him enough for you to feel it in his body. To cover it up, he quickly wrapped tight arms around you in response.

He’d tell you in the morning.

He’d tell you he wanted to hold hands as you walked from your flat to his and back.

He’d tell you he wanted to be able to curl up on the sofa together the way you always did in front of his friends. In front of yours.

He’d tell you that the safe space of your flat could be extended and, as long as you and Joe were together, it didn’t matter where you were; he could be the safe space.

Moving out was the first step to the expanding of the comfort zone.

Tomorrow, it was time for the second step.

Joe vowed that this promise wouldn’t vanish with the sunrise, the way that promises made late at night always were so wont to do.

Swore that it would be the first this he’d do when he’d wake.

I’ll start on Monday.

I’ll wake up early, do it in the morning.

Thing’s will be different when the sun rises.

They never were.

Not really.

But he’d tell you. And he’d see if you were willing to listen. the end

---

The Taglisted

@ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @bylermaxmayfield, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @djoseph-quinn, @dolcevit4, @eddies-puppet, @emma77645, @emotionaldreamer, @everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @hanahkatexo, @harringtonfan4, @hazelenys, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @mandyjo8719, @mexicanfolklore, @miserybeans, @munson-mjstan, @nadixq, @nglharry, @notverywise, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @royale1803, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @songforeddiemunson, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

#Joseph Quinn #Joe Quinn #Joseph Quinn x You #Joe Quinn x You #Joseph Quinn x Reader #Joe Quinn x Reader #Joe Quinn Fanfic #Joe Quinn fanfiction #Joseph Quinn Fanfic #Joseph Quinn Fanfiction #joe quinn x y/n #joseph quinn x y/n #icallhimjoey #define close #explain us

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blueiskewl · 1 year

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The World's Skinniest Skyscraper

The designers behind the world's skinniest skyscraper have just given fans of ultra-luxury living an early Christmas gift.

New York-based firm Studio Sofield has unveiled the interiors of Steinway Tower, the newly constructed 1,428-foot-tall tower overlooking Central Park. The announcement marks the completion of the opulent midtown Manhattan landmark, which was built on a site once occupied by the historic Steinway & Sons piano company.

The 91-story skyscraper, also known as 111 West 57th Street, contains 46 full-floor and duplex residences. Photos released this month by the designers show opulent lobbies decked out in limestone, marble, blackened steel and velvet, floors paved in smoke-gray solid oak and original artworks by Picasso and Matisse.

According to Studio Sofield, Steinway Tower's interiors were designed to evoke the grandeur of New York's Gilded Age, a period in the late 19th century when the city's boulevards were lined with the stately mansions of robber barons like Andrew Carnegie and Cornelius Vanderbilt. It sits on a Midtown street, filled with gleaming towers, that has become known as "Billionaire's Row."

Studio Sofield's founder, William Sofield, said he wanted to make the tower feel unmistakably New York.

"We've all been to very luxurious places, but I wanted to create a building that could not be anywhere else in the world," he said. "I know so many people might have multiple homes, who will have apartments here. And I wanted to create a very distinct experience that could only be had in New York."

A record feat

Elsewhere, the building's interiors include an 82-foot swimming pool housed in a light-filled room featuring floor-to-ceiling windows and a row of Kentia palms. There's also a modern take on New York's legendary King Cole Bar, complete with an ornamental balcony and custom gold and silver murals.

Other amenities include private dining rooms with a chef's catering kitchen, a golf simulator and a landscaped terrace.

"I always am very personal in my work," Sofield said. "So (take) the swimming pool, for example ... I didn't want it to feel like a normal swimming pool. It has wood paneling with great detailing and gold leaf details.

"It has a vaulted ceiling," he added. "It has draperies... So it's very unlike any swimming pool you would find in New York."

With a height-to-width ratio of 24:1, Steinway Tower has been described by its developers as "the most slender skyscraper in the world." The tower's facade includes blocks of terracotta, a material that appears to change color and texture when seen in different lights and from different angles.

At 1,428 feet, it is also one of the tallest buildings in the Western hemisphere, standing just short of two others in New York City: The 1,776-foot-tall One World Trade Center and the 1,550-foot-tall Central Park Tower.

Super-slender skyscrapers, also known as pencil towers, became standout features of the Hong Kong skyline in the 1970s. Since then, major cities such as New York have followed suit.

Residences in the Manhattan skyscraper, which was developed by the JDS Development Group and Property Markets Group, range in price from $7.75 million to $66 million.

By John Blake.

#The World's Skinniest Skyscraper #Studio Sofield #Steinway Tower #111 West 57th Street #pencil towers #billionaire's row #real estate #luxury #luxury home #luxury real estate #luxury living #luxury lifestyle #billionaire #billionaire lifestyle #rich #expensive #sexy

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romanov-ramblings · 2 years

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That photograph of the Parade Enfilade actually made me want to delve more so into the plant and flower decorations of the Alexander Palace, which there is a great deal of description. Via the publication, entitled "Tsarskoe Selo: Familiar and unfamiliar." Written by Galina Semenova, a former senior archivist (she passed away in 2014), and published in 2018, the book was republished with new information in 2010. Mme. Semenova's work is an absolute treasure-trove of information on just about anything you could think of from the beginnings of Tsarskoe Selo to how it exists now. There is so much information, ranging from many, different topics. As mentioned above, there is one chapter in particular which goes into great depth on the Alexander Palace's floral and plant decoration, which during the reign of Tsar Nicholas II played a large part of the lives of the Imperial Family. It's a bit on the long side, but I think it wouldn't be given justice if I only shared excerpts. Also, if you wish to read the original Russian (as I am translating this with Yandex), I shall link the book from a website where it can be read freely. Please enjoy! ________________________________________________________________ "... And the shadow of patching flutters on the enamel wall." Decorative plants in the decoration of the palace in the late XIX early XX centuries "One of the photos of the Concert Hall shows how fan-leaved latanias looked in the interiors of the Alexander Palace. There were many huge palm trees, decorated in the form of compositions with evergreens. Two tall latanias are visible at the back wall. Their size can be determined by the window openings and the cornice, which passed at a height of 10 m and corresponded to the height of the currently existing front enfilade. The highest latania, therefore, had a height of 8-9 m, the one next to it – about 6 m. It can be assumed that, in connection with the reconstruction in 1902, the latanias, along with the mahogany furniture set and the skin of one of the tigers, were moved from the Concert Hall in the Billiard Hall. In the Billiard room in front of the mirror portal located opposite a large triple window, under the last owners, a special box-a jardiniere - was still preserved from the previous owners. Adianthum, salanum and other plants were placed in it, which formed a miniature mixborder, reflected in the mirror along with park greenery and palm trees. The group with them was made up in the outer right corner and included fan-leaved majestic latanias, beautiful pinnate-leaved phoenixes or graceful hamedorea, as well as various types of dracaenae. Flowers have long been placed in the Round Hall near the columns of golden artificial marble, during the time of Nicholas II – gracefully majestic pinnate palm trees of Kentia up to two fathoms each, to which flowering plants were selected. A date palm a fathom and a half high stood on a pedestal in front of the central door. Flowering plants, depending on the season, hydrangeas, azaleas, hyacinths, lilies of the valley and others were placed on marble window sills during ceremonial receptions, breakfasts and lunches. At Court, there was a tradition to seat guests at round dining tables, in the middle of which there was an opening for a tall palm tree or laurel placed on the floor in tubs. However, in the Round Hall, a round table was arranged, perhaps, around a large vase with a gilded bronze bouquet. Once a year, a Christmas tree, a representative of the northern flora, appeared here among exotic palm trees, on Christmas Eve. The large Crimson drawing room, later turned into a church, was richly decorated with flowers under Nicholas I. The green composition was made in front of the window at the end of the hall, capturing the outer corner. Under Nicholas II, palm trees and other tropical plants were placed on the sides of the door from the Billiard Hall. The portrait hall, which served as a reception room during the Highest exits at solemn ceremonies, was decorated with groups of tropical plants in the corners. Cut flowers filled large floor vases. A bouquet of roses decorated a round table, as can be seen in one of the pre-revolutionary photographs. A sofa and two armchairs with a table between them, a vase with roses, brought forward in front of the fireplace, seem to be prepared for a conversation with an important state guest. A majestic palm tree in a jardiniere, the composition of which was complemented by climbing plants, monstera and croton with a bright glossy mottled color of the leaves, was part of the permanent decoration of the Corner living room, as one of the preserved pre-revolutionary photographs shows. A jardiniere with a tall feathery deciduous palm tree successfully decorated the doorway (there was a bookcase on the side of the Small Library in this place). The interior decoration was complemented by flowering plants in decorative vases on tables and consoles, which created a festive atmosphere during chamber music evenings held here. Palm trees with tall, beautifully shaped crowns and blooming roses were interior-forming in the decoration of the Maple Cabinet. They made up a large composition with two marble sculptures, complemented by flowering and evergreen plants, which occupied a central place from the middle of the room to the front wall. However, lilac was also a frequent guest here, periodically replacing or complementing the decoration of rose bushes. Groups of palm trees in tubs with evergreens and flowering plants that were selected for them made compositions with sofas in front of the fireplace and stairs, the height and volume clearly corresponding to a high corner cabinet with mirrored glasses. Vases were filled with a variety of growing and cut flowers. A blooming white azalea in a conical white porcelain vase decorated a round table placed in the center of the room. The shelves of the corner sofa were decorated with vases and planters with growing ornamental plants, climbing plants decorated the barrier under the mezzanine, the paw-like leaves of palm trees were visible at the top through the fence of the mezzanine. Bushes of flowering plants in pots and cut flowers in baskets and vases were placed on the terrace, which was accessed by a door from the Maple Study. Pelargoniums, hydrangeas and campanulas were most often chosen. At this terrace in the park there was a carpet shaped flowerbed of flowering stunted plants, broken in 1897 by architect S.A. Danini. In the spring, tulips, hyacinths, daffodils and other bulbous plants were mostly planted here, which remained here for the winter. In the spring after flowering, they were replaced by summer plants of different varieties and colors. Permanent compositions of plants also dominated the decoration of the Lilac Cabinet. It is characterized by tall tub palms in jardinieres, the lower tier of which was decorated with blooming lilacs, but there were also roses. Tall pinnate palm (kentia?) it occupied half of the room with its leaves, it was placed in a jardiniere between a corner sofa and a piano. Three groups of palm trees, lilac bushes or roses and evergreens plants in the amount of up to 50 copies were compiled on the sides of the aisle at the door of the Rosewood reception room of the Empress. Among the greenery at the arched window there was a marble bust "Lily" of M. L. Dillon Square, 1900. There were always cut flowers in the office – roses, calla lilies in decorative vases on tables or on the floor. Bushes of flowering almonds were placed in floor vases, lilies of the valley in a large porcelain pot decorated the bookcase-library and were placed everywhere in vases. "Her Majesty's drawing room, known as Le Cabinet Mauve de'l Imperatrice, was a wonderful room, – a close friend of the Empress Lily Den wrote admiringly about the Lilac Study, – where one could observe her mistress's predilection for all shades of purple. In spring and winter, the air in it was saturated with the scent of lilacs and lilies of the valley, which were sent to the palace from the Riviera in whole baskets every day. Since the Empress's love for lilacs and lilies of the valley has already been noted, I want to add that Her Majesty was not indifferent to all flowers. But she was particularly attracted to lilies, magnolias, wisteria, rhododendrons, freesias and violets." To this we add that the scientific name of lilac is Syringa Lilac (Latin). But lilacs and lilies of the valley will be that, as if in winter and spring, "whole baskets were sent to the palace from the Riviera every day," this is an understandable exaggeration of the memoirist. The distillation of blooming lilacs, lilies of the valley and other flowers to decorate the interiors of the Alexander Palace was carried out by Tsarskoye Selo gardeners in the imperial greenhouses. Some details of the appearance of green decoration in the interiors of the Alexander Palace are clarified by archival documents. Two jardinieres – plateaus for plants, one at the arched window, the second at the wall between the corner sofa and the piano, were part of the furniture decoration of the Lilac Cabinet of the Empress, made in 1895 by architect R.F. Meltzer by the firm "F. Meltzer". One jardiniere (measuring 3 m 74.5 cm long, 1 m 13 cm wide and 30 cm high), placed along the wall between the piano and a corner sofa, had two nested copper flower tubs. It was multi-faceted figured, with carved side walls and a smooth back. The second jardiniere (with a box and an iron flower tub enclosed in it) was also multi-faceted, decorated with carvings of acanthus leaves. Its dimensions are 1 m 82 cm long and 87 cm wide. In the middle there was a three-sided pedestal (height 1 m 32 cm) with cut corners, covered with lilac fabric "lampas" striped with bouquets of flowers (as a screen and furniture in this room). In the pre-war description, both jardinieres, painted with ivory enamel paint, are identified as Meltzer's work "in the style of a modernized rococo." Two semicircular plateaus for plants were also provided by R. Meltzer and in the Rosewood Reception Room of the Empress. Subsequently, when the Maple Cabinet of the Empress was installed in 1902, as part of the furniture made of gray polished maple, the project of the architect of the Highest Court Roman Meltzer provided for such items as a large low jardiniere, in which a stand for a sculpture is indicated on the plan, and a small semicircular jardiniere. In addition, the documents list "a sofa with a tree", "a balustrade on an elevation with jardinieres for flowers" and three "armchairs with a tree" on the mezzanine. The "tree" undoubtedly meant palm trees, which can be seen in pre-revolutionary photographs. A huge pinnacled palm tree, almost reaching the cornice in height (about 5 m), was placed in the corner behind the sofa. The first palm trees for the interiors of the Alexander Palace were accepted by the head gardener August Zort and examined by the Control of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs on October 25, 1895 from the "Supplier of the court of His Imperial Majesty and His Royal Highness Prince of Wales gardener G.F. Ailers (he himself signed in the bill as G.F. Ailers). The bill read: "Released for Tsarskoye Selo greenhouses: 2 Kentias Forsteriana for 120 rubles.; 2 Phoenix Canariensis for 120 rubles.; 1 Coconut Yatai for 150 rubles. A total of 630 rubles." The following year, 2 more kentias forsterians were received from Eilers for 200 rubles. The second supplier of palm trees was, oddly enough, the famous rose grower V.K. Freundlich. The Tsarskoye Selo Horticulture of V.K. Freundlich, crowned with laurels and medals for achievements in the field of horticulture (10 domestic and foreign medals are depicted on the letterhead), delivered two Phenix canariensis palm trees to the Tsarskoye Selo Palace Board by order of Mr. Zort for 85 rubles. In total, it was required to pay G.F. Eilers and V.K. Freundlich for nine palm trees necessary for the decoration of the interiors of the Alexander Palace, 1000 rubles. However, such expenses were not provided for. To pay for them, correspondence was conducted between the head of the Tsarskoye Selo Palace Administration, V.E. Ionov, and an official for special assignments under the Minister of the Imperial Court as Chamberlain, Baron A.G. von Knorring. The invoices of the palm suppliers are attached to these letters. "For the decoration of the rooms of the Alexander Palace during Their Imperial Majesties' stay in Tsarskoye Selo," Ionov wrote to Knorring on January 25, 1896, "a very significant number of decorative, especially palm plants are required... Ornamental plants, after standing for a few time in the dry room air, away from the light, they turn yellow and then die; why, in order to avoid such damage, it is necessary to replace them with new ones in a timely manner." However, the necessary number of plants in the Tsarskoye Selo greenhouses was not available at that time, since the best palm trees from them were released in 1883, 1884 and 1887 to Peterhof and Tauride greenhouses. Ionov requested Knorring 's petitions for the release of the same plants from other palace greenhouses to Tsarskoye Selo or the same about the allocation of money for the purchase – about 2000 rubles. As a result of this petition, the Minister of the Imperial court, Count I.I. Vorontsov-Dashkov, allowed to open a loan in the amount of 1,000 rubles. on the account of unforeseen expenses in the following, 1897, for the purchase of ornamental plants for the rooms of the Alexander Palace during the stay of Their Imperial Majesties in Tsarskoye Selo379. And only after that, in 1898, the bills of Eilers and Freundlich. In the future, the Tsarskoye Selo palace authorities had to take more active measures to ensure the permanent green decoration of the interiors of the Alexander Palace. In the first half of 1898, correspondence was conducted on the issue of "Buying palm trees and ornamental plants abroad, as well as perennial flowering plants in spring instead of the proposed greenhouse for 30 frames at the Alexander Palace." In the beginning, it was supposed to build new greenhouses with 30 frames for the maintenance of plants necessary for the decoration of the Alexander Palace. However, A.G. Knorring initially opposed the construction of a new greenhouse, since the survey showed that old greenhouses could be used. In the report, Knorring wrote that during the survey, it became clear that it was necessary to buy "new palm trees of different varieties for permanent decoration, without which it is absolutely unthinkable for the next winter to decorate the Alexander Palace during the Highest stay. General Ionov and I found it necessary to apply for permission to purchase the following palm trees in the amount of up to 5000 rubles." The "List of ornamental (palm) plants required for purchase for Tsarskoye Selo greenhouses in 1898", prepared by Zort and approved by Knorring, included 91 palm trees of different species. It was supposed to purchase latanias of borbonica, hamerops, corypha, rapis, hamedorea, kentias of Forsterian and Balmorean, phoenixes (dates), Romantsov and Yatai coconuts, as well as areca rubra and aurea. In addition, it was found that due to the need for constant maintenance of the flower garden in the proper form, a one-time expenditure of 1000 rubles is required for the purchase, according to the requirement of the gardener, of perennial spring flowering plants for the decoration of flower beds and 500 rubles for bulbs. On June 30, 1898, the head of the Tsarskoye Selo Palace Administration submitted a report to the Minister of the Imperial Court, who was informed that a loan of 9,000 rubles. it is closed for the construction of flower greenhouses in a school garden institution for the cancellation of such a construction. The content of this report was as follows: "As for some necessary expenses for the improvement of the garden part, which I indicated in my note submitted to Your Excellency on May 19, to the D. of the Chamberlain A.G. Knorring, and which he intended to make at the expense of the said loan, then such expenses should be entered with a special presentation. In fulfillment of this , I have the honor to inform: For the permanent decoration of rooms in Palaces during the Highest stay here, a very significant amount of decorative, especially palm plants, which the Tsarskoye Selo greenhouses do not abound, is required. On the contrary, when examined, there were many plants in them that, according to their forms, have never been used and cannot serve for the decoration of rooms in Palaces, but cause only unproductive expenditure on changing oak tubs, which cost from 10 to 15 rubles each. Meanwhile decorative plants, after standing for some time in dry indoor air, away from light, turn yellow and then die, why, in order to avoid such damage to them, it is necessary to replace them with new healthy specimens in a timely manner, and return the former ones to the greenhouses for a long correction. Due to the extreme lack of good ornamental plants, without which it is absolutely unthinkable for the next winter to decorate palaces during Their Majesties' Highest stay in Tsarskoye Selo, it seems necessary, in accordance with the opinion of D. Chamberlain A.G. Knorring, to buy for Tsarskoye Selo greenhouses a significant number of new palm trees of different varieties, indicated in the submitted statement, suitable for staging in the rooms, [instead of] existing some ornamental plants as old and unsuitable for decoration. But in view of the high cost of the above-mentioned plants from St. Petersburg merchants who demand double and triple prices, I ask Your Excellency's permission to send a garden master Zort abroad next July for inspection and selection on the spot from well-known horticulturists (who have informed their prices for the available unique palms) of the required specimens, as well as for personal presence during packaging and sending the selected plants to St. Petersburg. ...For the purchase of plants, transportation and payment of duties, I ask you to open a loan "...". At the same time, I ask permission to purchase several perennial, spring flowering plants, which by the required time could be used for the decoration of flower beds in front of the Alexander Palace, regardless of the bulbs that are annually discharged each autumn. At the same time, I undertake to report that the harvesting of new palm trees this year will cause some expense for the device of a temporary device for them in the department where New Holland plants are now placed until the construction of an extremely necessary palm greenhouse next year, which has now fallen into complete disrepair." On a business trip abroad , the chief gardener of the Tsarskoye Selo Palace Board , A. Zort , left in July 1898 . In Leipzig, the gardener Wagner, he chose only 42 palm trees (instead of 91), the cost of which depended on the height and type (the most expensive were latanias). This purchase cost 9,630 marks together with packaging (350) and transportation (600) and completely exhausted the loan allocated for the purchase of palm trees. To select other plants necessary for the design of compositions in the palace interiors and planting in the Alexander and Catherine Parks, Zort visited two gardening in Lubeck – F. Paulich, Stelzner and Schmaltz, and near Hamburg – gardening K. Stoldt in Wandbeck. The purchased plants totaling 3,810 marks were delivered by the Baltic Sea in September October 1898 on the steamers Neva, Tsar and Maria Luisa to the port of St. Petersburg and then to Tsarskoye Selo in the greenhouses "against the big garden" on Sadovaya Street. The supplier of the main volume of flowers was gardening "Philipp Paulig. Kunst und Handels Gartnerei in Lubeck. According to the account of gardening, one cargo with live plants was sent from Lubeck on October 22, 1898 on the Maria Luisa. It contained lilac of French varieties – pinkish-purple "Karl X" and white "Marie Legre", as well as white terry varieties "Madame Lemoine" and light purple with a white center "Michel Buchner", which was intended, of course, to decorate the Lilac cabinet after distillation in greenhouses. Here followed lilies of the valley for distillation, almonds of the stamp and low, ordinary viburnum "Roseum" (the second name is viburnum "buldenezh"), broom, hydrangea paniculata. A variety of azaleas and rhododendrons, anemones were delivered by the Tsar steamer from Lubeck to St. Petersburg and Tsarskoye Selo. On the Neva by F. Paulikha was sent another batch of azaleas (indica) and rhododendrons, low roses and other indoor potted and garden crops, beautifully flowering and groundcover. Among them were Alpine aster, gentian, primroses, fragrant vespers (night violet), Siberian undergrowth, phlox, begonias, acalypha sanderiana – an evergreen plant with variegated leaf coloring for compositions with palm trees, doronicum plantain and Austrian, veronica, asparagus, fern. Peach trees, as well as the best plant for the carpet – aubriette, veronica creeping and lydian ochitok with a variety of colored foliage, used in gardens as a groundcover, were purchased from the horticulture "J.S. Steltzner & Schmaltz Nachfolger". Among the plants purchased abroad were orchids, which A. Zori chose in gardening "Von C. Stoldt. Cyclamen-Samenzuch, Orchideen-Kultur und Import. Wandsbek-Mariental, bei Hamburg". A small collection of these exotic indoor flowers included lycastus skinner orchids, Moss cattleya and intermedia, odontoglossum bicton, Lutes purpureum, Pescatori, slipper orchid. A precedent was created by the purchase of plants abroad in 1898, and in the future plants were purchased abroad annually until 1913 inclusive, as evidenced by archival materials. From year to year, the range of purchased plants changed, the range of suppliers expanded. European horticultural firms willingly cooperated with the Tsarskoye Selo Palace Administration. Some of them started to correspond in Russian and even thanked them, receiving money transfers for the plants delivered after a long period of time, since payment was made after receiving and inspecting the goods, which was properly processed. Settlements with suppliers were carried out through the Moscow Merchant Bank, the St. Petersburg Agency of the French joint Stock company "Lyon Credit", etc. The palace authorities who acted as the customer, it was supposed to report annually on the purchases made abroad. The report reflected information about the subject of the order (usually live plants and bulbs were indicated), quantity, time of issue of the order and the time of receipt, the name of the companies and their location, the total cost of the order in Russia and abroad. In addition, it was necessary to indicate by whom the purchase was authorized and in what order, as well as the reasons for which it was deemed necessary to make a purchase abroad. The standard wording on the last point was usually stated as follows: "For lack of plants." For example, we can compare the purchases of plants in 1898 and 1908, when 20 foreign firms supplied live plants for the amount of 10647 rubles, some of them – garden equipment and tools. The reason for placing orders abroad: "The best quality and cheapness, and for lack of cultivation of some items in Russia." These were the horticulturists K. Cake and K. Petrik in Belgium, H. Hartmann in Copenhagen, M. Bremond and Barbier in France. Every year the purchase of plants was carried out in Germany, where the permanent partners were the large horticultural L. Shpet in Berlin, M. Shettelich (successor of F. Paulich) and A. Lindberg in Lubeck, O.Mann in Leipzig. Bulbous and an extensive assortment of plants were traditionally purchased in Holland – from "Polman-Moi" and Van der Mey, Van Zanten and Tsonen. It should be particularly noted that one of the Dutch flower companies – Fr. Ziegler (Erfurt and Harlem) – had the honorary title of supplier of the Royal Court in Russia, in 1908, amaryllis was purchased from her in Tsarskoye Selo. Flower seeds (in particular, mignonette seeds, violets) were purchased from E. Benari in Erfurt, Vrede in Luneburg, who also supplied violets in the form of living plants, as well as G. Arends. Individual purchases were made from E. Ziegler from Erfurt (lilies of the valley), Ketten from Luneburg (roses). Of those plants that were purchased in 1898, purchases of many of them were repeated every day, including in 1908. Among them were azaleas, indica and rhododendrons, lilacs, roses, almonds, viburnum "buldenezh", begonias, ferns, copses. Especially impressive is the number of lilies of the valley, purchases of which have increased annually. There are also many new plants in the accounts. The assortment of flowers purchased abroad for forcing in greenhouses, for use in interior decoration, for cutting and for planting in parks was very diverse. Beautifully blooming garden crops were constantly purchased in large quantities. In particular, these were tuberoses and carnations, daffodils, hyacinths, jonquils, lilies, gladioli, violets and galanthuses, ixia, crocuses, leucoma. A small number of plants were represented by heather, chrysanthemums, ardisia, daisies, which were probably intended for cultivation in the palace greenhouses. The largest was the number of lilies of the valley – 45,000, tulips – 42,500 bulbs. Tulips in 1908 were purchased mainly in Dutch horticulture. They were intended for planting in the Alexander and Catherine parks, as well as for cutting. Many varieties of tulips, mentioned in the Dutch accounts in 1908, are still cultivated today. Then bulbs of terry tulips "Murillo" white arrived in Tsarskoye Selo colors with a pink coating, white with a pink tinge "La Reine", yellow "King of Yellow" and "My Trezor", red "Vermillion Diamond", bright red "Duke van Tol", crimson "Proserpine", dark pink "Salvator Rose". Of particular note is the only variety of tulips with an aroma – "Prince of Austria" orange-red colors with a yellow bottom. In 1912-1913, the last purchase of foreign plants for Tsarskoye Selo took place. Among the suppliers were horticultural firms Martial Bremond (France), which delivered plants for 1091 francs, Barbier & Co. Orleans (Franse) – 639 francs, K.J. Kuyk (Gand Belgigue) – 1669 francs, M.van Waveren & Sohne (Millecom – Holland) – 10690 marks, Jac. Smits & C° (Holland) – 1663 marks Max Schetelig (Lubeck) – 9242 marks, Albert Lindberg (Lubeck) – 2226 marks. In the gardening bill "Barbier and Co.", Orleans, dated October 23, 1912, only lilac was indicated in the amount of 639 francs, or, in terms of the exchange rate, 240 rubles 23 K., which was accepted by the chief Tsarskoye Selo gardener L. Rempin. This batch of lilacs in 4145 bushes included almost the entire palette of colors in 32 names. There were several species here – common lilac, Persian, Meyer's hyacinth lilac, as well as many varieties of common lilac. Along with various shades of lilac, pink, purple, purple tones, a fairly large number of white lilacs should be noted, including also varietal lilacs – ordinary white and Persian white, "Marie Legre" and "Bertha Damman", as well as terry white – "Madame Lemoine" and "Jeanne d'Arc". The bills indicate time–tested old varieties - "Karl X", "Volkan", "Memory of L. Shpet", "Reaumur", "Mirabeau", "Michel Buchner", "Pasteur", "Toussaint Overture", "Victor Lemoine", "Abel Quarry", "Beauty Nancy", "President Loubet" and "President Grevy", they can be found from modern manufacturers. Several varieties named in the account of the Barbier company ("Waldeck Roshen", "Jacques Callot", "Negro", "Progress", "Othello", "Scipio Cochet", "Stadtgartner Rothpletz") have not yet been found in the reference materials. Lilac was undoubtedly used not only to decorate the interiors of Lilac and Maple cabinets, but also as a garden crop. The descendants of those living plants that were used in the late XIX – early XX centuries may still be preserved in historical Tsarskoye Selo parks or in the city of Pushkin itself. In 1913, the last delivery took place, which was stopped due to the First World War. The plants from the state halls were removed in the spring of 1917, from the private apartments –shortly after the removal of the royal family to Tobolsk. The museum exposition opened in the palace without plants. In preparation for the opening of the museum in 1918, all the jardinieres were removed from the front halls, partially left for display in private rooms." ________________________________________________________________ I hope that you will enjoy this wonderfully-written article, even if some parts may not read correctly (online translators can only do so much). Attached are various photographs, as well as, some of the autochrome negatives and a few paintings to convey the spirit of Mme. Semenova's incredibly in-depth chapter from her book. ____________________ Photographs: 1. The Concert Hall of Quarenghi's Parade Enfilade. Silvio Danini. Circa. 1898-1902.

2. Aquarelle of the Marble Drawing-Room of Quarenghi's Parade Enfilade. Luigi Premazzi. Circa. 1834.

3. Aquarelle of the Raspberry Living-Room of Quarenghi's Parade Enfilade. Luigi Premazzi. Circa. 1864.

4. The Lilac Cabinet of Her Majesty. Circa. Pre-1917.

5. The Maple Living-Room of Her Majesty. Circa. Pre-1917.

6. The Maple Living-Room of Her Majesty. Circa. Pre-1917.

7. The Maple Living-Room of Her Majesty. Andrei Zeest. Circa. 1917.

8. The Semi-Circular Hall of Quarenghi's Parade Enfilade. Circa. 1909.

9. The Palisandre Drawing-Room of Her Majesty. Andrei Zeest. Circa. 1917.

10. The Balcony of Her Majesty. Circa. 1912-1916. Sources: "Tsarskoe Selo: Familiar and unfamiliar." - Galina Semenova. Published Circa. 2018, revised in 2010. (Царское Село. Знакомое и незнакомое)

GMZ Tsarskoe Selo (Государственный музей-заповедник «Царское Село»)

Gosfond (Государственный каталог Музейного фонда Российской Федерации)

Альбом Александры Федоровны, 1903-1908 гг

Альбом Александры Федоровны, 1912-1916 гг

“Consolidated Guards Battalion, and now His Imperial Majesty’s own consolidated infantry regiment on guard at the royal throne.” - Montvida Publishing House. Published, Circa. 1909. (Сводно-гвардейский батальон, а ныне собственный его императорского величества сводный пехотный полк на страже у царского трона) Link of courtesy: (VPN's work for websites that are currently blocked, I've been told) http://loveread.ec/view_global.php?id=94414

https://www.flickr.com/.../14955.../albums/72157689613182040 (1903-1908)

https://www.flickr.com/.../14955.../albums/72157664081316757 (1912-1916)

http://elib.shpl.ru/.../26709-svodno-gvardeyskiy-batalon...

https://tzar.ru/

https://goskatalog.ru/

________________________________________________________________ As always, please enjoy! If you'd like to re-post the photographs PLEASE credit Galina Semenova, GMZ Tsarskoe Selo, GARF, Gosfond, Luigi Premazzi, Ilya Grigoriev and Andrei Zeest, appropriately. Thank-you! ^_^

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