#I'm very emotional atm

[thegreenhordes]

The loud sounds of more and more Growlers set a fire in Null's head, the aching turns to throbbing as he leans down and rubs his temple hard with the side of his leg. There's too many, the sounds too loud. With the number of Ponies he knows are encamped within the Friendship Castle he is certain most of these Growlers are wanderers from elsewhere. Unfortunate souls who thought traveling would keep them safe. Now they smell him, hear his pained groaning, and they are so very, very hungry.

He hears the voice of a stranger, the sound less odd on his ears than that of the ghostly apparitions that have thus far haunted him. Null forces his head up, vision swimming as he locks eyes with a monster.

Null: There... There's

The throbbing in his skull nearly sends him to the ground. The barrier wavers.

Null: A Watcher... If I try the usual methods... They mean nothing if that- THING- can see me.

It stares at him, menacing and dripping blood from its maw. Sclera stained black and irises a green so bright it hurts to look at. The mouth, affixed in what looks much like a grin, widens as its lips twitch. Another voice reaches his ears as the Infected Pony stalks forward.

Null: Not Enough... My- Nngh- 'Talents' won't defend me in any real way. Not here. My skills are... let's call them forensic based. If it isn't dead already, or- or something small like a- rabbit, flower, anything fragile, my magic either doesn't work or it causes negligible damage.

He rubs his head again, harder this time and with the points of his cloven hoof.

Null: I- I'm sweating, so the Growlers can smell me... The. . . W-Watcher. . . Sees me... And I- I-

Suddenly his world tilts and he thuds to the ground. The pain reaches a crescendo and the barrier cracks through. For the moment it stays standing. But it is oh so fragile. Null: I'm seeing double...

[Fear not, this is too early for the end. Strain your ears, hear what comes.]

#*uses a barrier spell* #*immediate agony* #mlp infection au #mlp horror #the glow #What is this narrator voice? Fear not? I think Fear Do #I say to myself #because I am the one writing the narration #Watcher Guide coming up... eventually. I'm Not Doing Good atm after my therapy appointment on wednesday #Very emotional so I may take a mo to whip up the energy and the art to post next week. (like- Friday-Saturday) #I don't really like staggering my posts out it makes me feel lazy #but I've been nagged into 'taking care of myself' by loved ones so

[pandaemoanium]

thank you old gamefaqs walkthroughs i love you old gamefaqs walkthroughs

#they should stop compiling guides and resources on messy discord servers or whatever and go back to good ol days #the ascii art often found in the old walkthroughs and guides are charming and they're imo a lot cleaner. #it's a lot easier to find exactly what section of the guide you need atm with the little search codes often found in each chapter #they were so full of personality; full of commentary made by the writers and their personal tips and tidbits that were very interesting #as someone who plays a lot of retro games i'm so happy that i get to reference these pieces of history so often whenever i need help #i have so much respect for the people who spent hours upon hours researching their games and meticulously writing it all down #just for the fun of it. for the sake of helping others that are struggling. #there was no profit to be gained from all that hard work. just the fact that someone else might have an easier time #and hopefully get to enjoy the game as much as the person writing the walkthrough #idk man i'm getting pretty emotional just thinking about all those people. do they know how much they've done for people all over the world #personal

[chaoticvictorianspirit]

Actually, I like codependency in fiction. Let people love each other exactly in the way they long for and need. Just because they are capable of functioning seperately doesn't mean they have to when all they want to do is spend their days together and share the tiny blip of existence they have left with one another. And I'm sorry but I'm tired of screenwriters pretending that learning to be miserable on your own is somehow a superior story arch as well as a moral virtue somehow. Maybe you want realism in your fiction but I for one want my comfort characters to morph into a singular entity. I want to treat them the way I did gummy bears as a child and just leave them out in the sun until they melt together into one solid block of sweetness. Reality is already depressing enough. Friendships end. Love fades. Life gets in the way and seperates people who aren't ready for their journey together to be over yet. Loved ones leave us all the time and sometimes there's no good explanation and it's unfair and painful and too often there's nothing you can do about it. And sometimes the one person you wish you could talk about it with the most is the one that's leaving and it fucking sucks. [And I get that this is precisely why we need these themes in fiction to confront these feeling and cope with them in a setting removed from reality but that's not what this post is about damn it.] I just wish this weren't the only angle we got. I wish we also got the "easy" happy endings, the unrealistic friendships, the kind of closeness that isn't portrayed as weighing you down but rather lifting you up. I wish fairytales weren't only for children and I wish adults didn't take such pride in forgetting they were children once, too. Can't we at least have the nice things in our little made up worlds?

TL;DR: Girls should get to have their little escapist delusions. As a treat.

#was this prompted by a fucking buddy comedy show about two guys bitching at each other over zoom? well #staged finale really poked some Painful places #not saying the episode itself should go differently btw it fit the show and the pandemic setting very well #like it was actually an amazing piece of writing and performance and the ending was symbolic and bittersweet and very true to many people's #actual experience at the end of the pandemic. it was glorious and good. but I'm also depressed about it. and this is my post to cope so... #I'm just very emotional at the moment and Sayning Things. don't expect me to fully Mean them too. #there's a much bigger narrative and a more nuanced take here but I don't feel like writing it atm. this post is about found families and #platonic soulmates and life partners in fiction getting to stay together and about not being forced to move on when the people involved #don't want to move on and don't need to move on. this post is about comfort and that's enough. please don't expect me to be eloquent today #staged #found family #platonic soulmates #and yes this is also very much about stranger things okay I am not rid of my other demons yet

[tinknevertalks]

It just struck me, as I got out of the shower, that in ten-fifteen years time, some teenagers are going to be doing their Music GCSEs (or whatever the group of exams will be called then). They'll remember the first time they heard that specific bit of classical music...

... And the episode of Bluey it was in. 😂🥰

#bluey #music #classical music #this post brought to you by #my listening to Holst's Planets and (almost crying in the shower) remembering Sleepytime #but it's not just Jupiter and Sleepytime #there's pachelbel's canon from the claw game ep (and the one where muffin misses a sleep) #or in the very first ep rondo alla turca or the toreadors song from carmen in the faceytime ep #i hope the exam markers appreciate people using muffin's running around with stripe's phone as an example of how to use music #or the emotional resonance the engulfing crescendo in jupiter causes by being in the major key (and having Chili say she loves you over it) #i'm in my feels #(mostly because i'm clean after a long due shower - why is it so hard atm?!) #but also because music is a massive memory aid for me #ho hum #i should find that megamix video of classical music in bluey and save it to my phone #also if you haven't bought it yet bluey dance mode is worth it because it has the beeewop walk and rain and the music from grandad #*the grandpa episode including the bit where he says 'nah. it was yesterday' #damn that gets me every bloody time #put the onions away i don't need to cry tonight! 😂

[suddencolds]

hi hi vanessa! what anime have u been watching recently? looking for recs to kill some time (may or may not also be for fetish purposes ehehe)

Hi anon!!! This is such a fun question, and I'm sad to say you caught me at a time where I have a very boring answer to it T.T It's already late April, but I've finished a total of two (😭) animes this year. (So few, I know! I wish I had more to recommend you 💔)

Between work and everything else, it's just been a hectic time... (I also have a couple I have to get around to finishing 😭😭 I've been putting off watching the last few eps of J//JK s2, because the friends that I've watched the rest of s2 with have been busy. I also started Fri//eren back in January; I just haven't found time to get back to it 😵‍💫)

I did finish Cher//y Magic! 🍒 (Though if you're sending me this message, I feel like you probably have already seen it around?). It's such a cute, fluffy romance/slice of life, that—despite its fantastical premise—is actually quite grounded, imo... a very cozy watch overall <3

I've also been wanting to watch Shi//guang Dai//liren (Link Click) at some point! I was also talking about watching Sa//saki to Mi//yano with a friend (if you're reading this, hi!)

Anime-wise, I have nothing to offer you on the snz front 🙇‍♀️ I have been very bad about setting aside time for myself to watch things. BUT if you ever watch any of the aforementioned shows, and want to talk abt them with someone... or if you want to watch/read something with me book-club-style... please feel free to hit me up :D

#ask #okay no one should read these tags but #i recently finished reading th//e su//nshin//e c//our//t which is like a spinoff for a trilogy that was written 10 years ago #i read the original trilogy way back #my relationship with the series is too complicated to get into. i'll just say: if anyone writes anything for that series i will be 👁️👁️ #SPRINTING OVER TO READ. esp if it's for j//ean. but i don't expect any interest #i feel like i have been walled off from enjoying media in a snz sense... or even just hyperfixating on things w the intensity i used to 😭 #and that's been true for awhile #i think a part of it is that i am already spread too thin over all the things i have to do atm #though maybe i'm just getting older haha #and i think a small part of me is reserving emotional space for y + v because i REALLY WANT TO HIT 75K WORDS FOR THEM 😭😭😭 #i am singleminded i know... & bad at emotionally context switching #as a side note. i recently started watching re//born r//ich w my partner! it's not an anime but i loooveeeee a well written smart mc >:) #okay i think i am done now... very sorry for rambling 🙏 thank you for the excellent question anon

[lemonadehtwooh]

Van Gogh, they named a gecko after you. You loved animals, didn't you? They named a gecko after you. It's called "Cnemaspis vangoghi". It's very beautiful, I hope it thrives

I hope you know how many people love you today, and that we grieve you still. I hope you know that they named a gecko after your paintings, that we love your paintings

#I'm crying over Van Gogh again #Help me I'm just so emotional over him #I relate to him A Lot more than I should #I think about his death a lot more than I should #He was recovering ): and his death was so sudden #I still think about the theory that some boys had accidentally shot him and he didn't say anything to protect them #Either way. I just think about Van Gogh a lot #van gogh #Cnemaspis vangoghi #I love his art. I even have a necklace my brother gave me of his painting of sunflowers #Sunflowers is my favorite painting #Additionally. The actual flower of sunflowers are my favorites. Along with white roses #I also made a painting of my late guinea pig in the style of Van Gogh for a painting class I took in high school #It's my favorite painting I made. Ever #Do you think Van Gogh would have liked my painting of my guinea pig? #Do you think he would be happy that people are inspired by him? #Sorry. I'm just very emotional atm

[sunrise-on-the-shore]

temporarily back with one post. i am not ready to fully come back.

all the stuff you need to know about the future of this blog are in the tags.

#sunrise thoughts #after i thought a lot i made multiple choices #i am still going to post about dsmp #i am still going to post about cwilbur #dsmp has been my biggest special interest ever #and i cannot move on from cwilbur in a day or week #i obviously won't talk about the cc anymore duh and to me the cc and c are extremely disconnected from each other #i will do all my screaming and kicking and nasty emotional stuff in private #i got fucking blasted by the consequences of forming a parasocial relationship!! ouagh!!!! #if you're uncomfortable following me for my dsmp posting you can obviously unfollow me i completely understand<3 #i will be tagging everything with my usual tags and you can filter them all you want if you decide to stay for other things! and uh— #i am so proud of shelby for speaking about something so terrifying and painful and i wish them the absolute best #i hope they will find a wonderful support system and get all the help they need and want and recover in a good safe environment. #(now back to blog related things haha!!) #i will try to be more multi fandom #you will still see from me a lot of minecraft smp silliness!!! #uhhh i'm talking qsmp life series and hermitcraft stuff!! (i'm gonna check season 10 very soon!) #as for non related minecraft things uhhh idk yet!!! #(btw don't expect me to reblog posts about the situation because the subject itself is so fucking uncomfortable for me) #(i am myself a victim of abuse [very different type but yeagh] + i am a mess atm for many different reasons) #(remember to always believe victims and such. [you probably heard the whole talk from people who are so much better at words than me #so i won't repeat things in a badly worded way] #anyway #(i am so sorry that this whole thing is messily written and in a bad order i am writing everything at like past 4 am) #(and i really really don't want to go back and rewrite tags in the right order) #(but yeah. erm.) #this is all you will hear from me for a while #take care everyone

[maerrine]

man i am a little bummed about how this means that all this time we thought dazai was struggling for the first time was actually all just faked though. i hope we get to see dazai out of his depth at least once before the end of the series.

#bsd spoilers // #i want to see him show emotion... i wanna see him shocked and desperate... i want him to actually like. Genuinely Struggle for once!! #i'm not too down about it though since we've still got plenty of the manga left and therefore plenty of time for that to happen though. #and every time i think about how we're getting closer to finally finding out about fyodor and how sigma and him are clearly going to keep #being relevant going forward i'm like. :D #i am very easily pleased LMAO #but okay coming back to add more thoughts now that time has passed #don't kill me but i do still struggle with dazai feeling too perfect sometimes. #he does everything right and his actual flaws never lead to anything going wrong/any consequences #and he's always treated as right... i'm like. i want to see this man's flaws. give them to me asagiri!! #luckily it doesn't ruin the series for me and i think the fact that other people are essential in his plans does help with that a bit maybe #but it's my main bsd complaint atm. #...negativity aside though there's still time for asagiri to fix it... i want to believe... #now back to thinking about how much i love sigma <3333333 #god when did i become so attached to bsd's cast. asagiri thank u for my life ;w;

[chronically-enthusiastic]

Hmmm so heartbreak high is really not my cup of tea......... Watching because Chloe Hayden and autism rep! But yeah...... Its very much about romance and sex and thats just not my thing..... I wish there was more good queer and autism representation in things!!!

#there is an ace character but his partner is being so horrible about it and ignoring everything they are being taught about consent etc #They are probably going to address it in the next episode or so #but still!!!!! ASDKJFHSADJ #also quinni is making me cry every time and its so heartbreaking because I see her feel the things I'm feeling and I am experiencing kinda #the same feelings atm and asggghhh nope i dont want to feel these emotions thank you very much

[loumauve]

-

#running face first straight into every single rejection sensitive wall atm and it's so frustrating #like. can we just not do this rn brain? I'm too tired to deal with this on top of everything else #all it does is make me alienate myself from people I care about and make me feel like shit afterwards #and it doesn't fix any of the underlying issues either. (like. I've been upset about ppl not doing what I do) #(as in read all of my fic like I try to read all my friends' fic usually. but like.. not everyone can and not everyone wants to) #(but it's one of those irrational things of 'if they cared about me wouldn't they also try' even tho that's not a fair ask) #(and like.. most people don't read random fic for fandoms they're not even in so this is entirely stupid to be upset about) #(but here we are anyway) #just.. me. raw to the very nerve and too tired to fix anything that might help alleviate it #I just want to feel normal again. and like I have control over my emotional state #but between 'dude fucked up bc of his borderline being triggered by grief and letting out all his frustrations on me for weeks' #and 'other dude grieving but not processing and not even taking a break to figure out where he's at emotionally.. #..therefore dropping all of his unprocessed baggage and his part of the group work right on top of me' I'm just having a heck of a month #and idk. it would have been nice to talk to sb about my fic even if it's older now and not the best perhaps #(doesn't help when everybody you know writes really great fic and you're just outside the door scribbling some ideas into the sand) #idk. usually I do better in disconnecting self-worth and accomplishments and stop myself before the comparisons with others start #but rn it's all too much and I'm drained and exhausted and nothing feels good or helps much at all. #anyway. #it is what is I guess. and what it is is fucked and I doubt it's gonna change anytime soon. #that's not me being unrealistic or depression talking. it's based on how things have progressed thus far #there's another year and a half of this kind of stress which will likely get worse when our group grows from 18 to 31 in October #and then I'd have to start working proper again which I haven't in over two years bc of all the rehabilitation I've been going through #and it's terrifying and I'm already exhausted and worn down and worn out and I just don't know how normal is ever gonna be my life again

[lenievi]

I’m rereading my thoughts as I wrote them when I was watching SNW when it aired and this part at the beginning is so important and I sometimes I still need the reminder lol

I consider SNW to not be related to TOS. It’s based on it, but clearly the story will go different directions, therefore there’s no reason to try and make a sense of it (but I also like to reinterpret some stuff for my own enjoyment and fics - but it has no place in discussing TOS like TOS should not really be considered too much when discussing SNW - I still think there should be some things that shouldn’t be broken, but… I think it’s too late for that, so I’ll just have to accept it as “it’s happening. fine” - at least that’s my stance on it.

#reading my thoughts is interesting. #somewhere during the year - i think because of some people but also my 'i'm slowly becoming less and less interested in spock' mindset #i convinced myself that i did not like spock/chapel but all of my reactions are VERY positive and i enjoyed every little bit between them #so hopefully that will continue #since my emotional connection to spock is even lesser than it was last year #my reaction to the finale is still such a terrible overreaction LMAO #but some points are valid and i wonder when i rewatch the episode if i will once again feel a bit meh about kirk despite being very !!! kirk #atm :D #can't believe i'm still so emotionally invested in kirk #i hope s2 will treat una better though #the problem though is that if i start rewatching snw now i will probably never write anything for sp0nes day.... #fyi having low emotional connection is actually a better thing - for me - because it allows me to enjoy the show without wanting certain #things to happen. #my goal was to distance myself from tos before s1 - or rather spock - and for some reason i just got into kirk................ #and then the finale caught me off guard lol

[selfproclaimedunicorn]

Playing Inquisition for the first time (past finding Skyhold) for the first time 9 years after it came out is so fucking wild.

I know, vaguely, what's going on due to the nature of Spoilers Don't Matter After A Few Years/seeking out spoilers bc they help me determine if something is worth my time/general (casual) fandom osmosis...but also it has been years since I looked into anything seriously/people discussed anything in a way that's not at all dissimilar to ASOIAF Fandom Decade Long Wait Brain Worms, so I am just being blindsided by half the information I feel like I already knew at some point (& probably had hidden deep in the recesses of my brain).

#personal #i still take massive umbridge with some story choices #(do not upset the lore/tell me information i have known as The Rules of your setting are secret lies actually! #it makes me feel like i wasted my time) #(but if i don't get bogged down in that before i even get there & ignore that it plays very differently from dao & da2 #i DO have a lot of fun. like i am enjoying myself...my gripes are just waiting to come out though) #(also a few not We Upset The Natural Order story gripes are there too) #(like bioware wanted you to be a human warrior who's a hardcore andrastian so bad in this one it makes them look stupid #they always wamt that imo but it was BLATANT in this one) #(also why is morrigan here? i wanted to be done with Morrigan) #(& the ending technically being hidden behind dlc that i cant access on the only platform i have atm...a lot of the dlc gripes are ea tho) #enough complaining tho im not EXPLICITLY in the tags to gripe #i also need to say that i accidentally made my inquisitor be free marcher!white woman!dorian & thats hilarious #i have not separated them since his personal quest I'm pretty sure that's her emotional support tevinter at this point #misa plays dai

[eugeniedanglars]

watching barry the way bill hader intended (only half paying attention while cooking dinner)

#i'm sorry this season is just not grabbing me for some reason #not sure if it's because most of my emotional energy is bound up with other things atm #or if it's just that this season is too heavy on the 'dark' part of 'dark comedy' for my tastes #i've said this before but i have a very limited tolerance for bleak shows about unpleasant people doing horrible things to each other #and between tlou and yellowjackets i think i've exhausted that tolerance for the year #barry

[despairforme]

#[ i am so nervoussssss ] #[ croatia is playing in a few minutes ] #[ luka modric has my entire football heart and ] #[ all i want is for his team to do well t-t ] #[ - prayer emoji - ] #[ i'll watch the match and then do some writing :D ] #[ i am VERY MUCH on route to hit 30k for this month and i'm stoked! ] #[ i might set myself the goal of writing 300k for the whole year ] #[ i'm at 260 000 so not much left! ] #[ it would be super awesome to get to 300k ] #[ oh man now i'm stoked for today BUT ALSO NERVOUS OK ] #[ MANY EMOTIONS xD ] #[ hope you guys are doing good and thank you for being so patient with me! ] #[ i know i have a LOT of IMs atm ] #toby post. ╱ out of character.

[potato-elf]

fellas I have good news - I picked up a diary and actually write in there to work through my complicated feelings instead of blasting them on main! (I say as I will vent a little bit in the tags but its a positive vent this time around)

#it seems to be working #at least a bit #it's nice to actually write it all out for once #helps knowing I have no one in my house who could possible stumble across the diary and get the urge to read it #but I wrote 10 pages down today #I had some things to reflect on #and then I had a really chill call with my ex cause I'm on day 7 of covid isolation and I needed some social contact #with someone who isn't my parents for once #because I did not want to get stuck in the emotional spiral #so I actually reached out and we had a nice and friendly conversation #and I'm actually starting to be very at peace with seeing him as just a friend #(a good friend with whom I have history but definitely a friend) #I don't know how I'm getting here so fast but I am kind of okay with everything atm #have been for a while I think #even if I have to get some emotions out every now and again because tbh it really is a big shift #but not one that I feel extremely bad about #it's definitely better for the both of us and I'm just glad he figured that out before I did cause I wouldn't have been able to do it #personal #venting about my break up in the notes again sorry lads

[the-irrelevant-trumpeter]

the way back home just hit 100 kudos!!! thank you so much to everyone who has read, liked, and commented on this fic, it means the world to me. i'm still very proud of this fic because i really pushed myself out of my comfort zone for it, and the whole experience was incredibly educational for me as a writer. so the fact that people are still reading it and leaving kudos (and even the occasional comment) is so so special to me. i'm so glad i got to write my first multi-chapter fic for this amazing fandom, because all of you are so kind and supportive, and i wouldn't have been able to do this fic without you. here's to hoping i finally publish another fic someday lol.

#sorry this got so sentimental lmao #i'm tired and stressed and little things are making me very emotional atm #anyway it depends on schoolwork #but i might try to do something later this weekend as a celebration #idk what it'll be yet #(or if it'll happen) #but maybe #i don't know if anyone actually wants to see this #but i'll tag it anyway. apologies. #mischief theatre #mischief comedy #cornley drama society #cornley polytechnic drama society #the goes wrong universe #the goes wrong show #the play that goes wrong #peter pan goes wrong #a christmas carol goes wrong #the way back home #fics by yours truly