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#I'm used to being a tyrant to my body and making it go against itself
anoonimthepoorchad · 5 months
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Today was a messed up day for me, as well as for many people in Kyiv, as it began with an air raid at 3 A.M., and the loud sound of explosions followed by the sound of the air raid sirens. Those were 10 ballistic missiles russia sent to our city, ruining apartment blocks and causing fire. Everything happened so fast, it was impossible for anyone to run and hide in any kind of a shelter. Now I'm afraid to sleep in my bed at night.
Yesterday I enrolled in a blood donation event at my university, all by my own initiative. I always wanted to be a donor and I finally got a chance to try this out. But I was unprepared for the food restrictions and mostly stayed half-hungry for the whole day, as well as the following morning. It also took me a lot of energy to get to the university on my own, because of the sleepless night and the lack of nutrition.
Mostly the people who were donating blood were the kids from the military department of our university, I guess it was compulsory for them to take part in this event, while I came on my own choice. I did the needed tests, got my blood type and pressure checked, drank some sweet tea and went to the classroom to have my blood drawn.
I'm not the type to be afraid of blood, nor was I forced to come here. I even argued with my grandma over me choosing to donate blood when some of my other relatives had problems with this before. Everything was fine until the very end, like 2 minutes before the needed level was reached. My body decided that hunger, tiredness and all the stress I've been under these days was enough and tried to make me unconscious. And when the doctors tried to help me, my stomach turned against my breakfast and ruined my sweater in the most embarrassing way possible. After that the pressure was normalized and I finished the donation without any complications, so I'm glad they didn't have to throw the whole portion of my blood out. The doctors made some jokes about hungry students (a funny stereotype in our culture) and made sure I had regained my strength before I went home.
The mobile service is yet to come back, so back then I only told my parents that everything was over successfully and went home, where I had a good amount of rest and washed my clothes. I still feel a bit lightheaded but mostly I'm very embarrassed. It's scary how it feels to succumb to your own body and I feel like I should have commanded it to obey and not to embarrass me in front of everyone. But I know that back then I barely understood what was going on around me, I had no power over myself at all. Still, next time I'll just make sure to eat well and to sleep well before donating blood. It just feels like I was a big child, helpless and dirty, and that I made a trouble for everyone. It ruined my happiness over finally trying to help my community.
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So, Return to Hell was an absolute rollercoaster of emotions and I couldn't have asked for a better ending to the season three dlc missions.
SPOILER WARNING BY THE WAY!
Holy shit was this season a wild ride and with an absolute banger of an ending all I can say is well done rebellion you pulled it out the bag and held it high, I was so happy with everything and just my god its really hard to put down everything I'm so enthralled I can barely think straight.
I remember when the trailer dropped and I was so overcome with both excitement and sadness at seeing what the dlc entailed, I was so happy to see schweiger alive but devastated to see what was happening to him and originally I thought we were going to sacrifice him to help Umbra which terrified me, thank fuck I was wrong I dont think I could handle hurting my boy.
The intro was excellent, it really felt like distressing and that this was truly a moment of despair the way bruno spoke of it was absolutely amazing and I couldn't wait to get stick in. And when it finally gave way to the gameplay the opening area was absolutely stunning!
The way it's so familiar yet so foreign, like I'd seen it before but it had been so twisted that it was unrecognisable, lava around every corner and debris floating as if frozen in time the ground and walls cracked and crumbling and the fiery hues made this a fantastic yet haunting sight I hadn't even begun playing and I already fell in love with it.
When I finally moved on and the Baron began his tirade about the state of hell and how it was shaped and molded to fit the subconscious mind of schweiger I was shocked and saddened, to think that this was schweiger's fractured mind was frightening, all his guilt, fear, anger, confusion, sadness became reality and hell took its horrifying form filled with endless undead. I also found it really cool to see events play out from schweiger's perspective, meat locker, hell base and terror lab all playing out in schweiger's memories allowing us a glimpse in to everything that happened to him. He was betrayed so many times, I don't blame him at all for turning on us in deeper than hell, the amount of cruelty he suffered would drive anyone insane.
Being captured and forced to research the occult without any understanding of why, being tricked in to activating the relic allowing hitler to activate plan Z, working your hardest to try and make the world right then have your team infiltrated by nazi bastards who push you in to a hell tower and forcefully tear you from this plane of existence and left to rot in hell. Just when you think you can finally escape you're confronted with the fact you can not leave, only your closest comrades can leaving you in hell against everyone's will, then a voice manipulates you in to believing you were betrayed by your friends you're lied to and tricked in to believing this voice is your only friend who makes you do horrific rituals.
I remember how horrific I felt hearing this and then when Umbra revealed that he did all of this so he could break schweiger's will so he could steal his body I was filled with rage. Rebellion were amazing at putting emotion in to this one I genuinely went through constant emotional shifts realising that everything we had done up to this point was planned by Umbra and that everything we had done was only to fuel his plans. It was never schweiger's fault it was umbras and that knocked me on my arse.
The gameplay was a lot of fun, one of the best parts was that absolutely everything was randomised! The main sections of the map where always switched around no matter how many times you play it at first I went meat locker, hell base then terror lab then my second time I went hell base, terror lab then meat locker! I was shocked when everything cane out of order but it fits so well with everything! Schweiger's mind is so badly fractured that when hell took form as schweiger's subconscious not even hell itself could keep things in order.
I genuinely adore how the old familiar faces of these maps are destroyed, twisted and corrupted they are what we have seen before but warped till they look like different maps entirely, with so much more to explore in some areas it really gives you a sense of walking through broken memories like piecing together a memory Efram barely has a grip on anymore.
I loved how enemies were randomised too, getting attacked by a screamer around the corner then next time you go there prepared for a screamer you get blown up by suiciders or slaughtered by skeletons or an elite or in my favourite case being attacked by zombie alpha squad members! When zombie me jumped out and attacked I was so confused I didnt have time to respond when zombie jun popped out and killed me it was fucking awesome!
All our favourite enemy variations are here too, vampire creepers, electric suiciders, armored commanders, skeletons etc which really made for a really tough but good fight, never knowing what variation was coming to get you made everything even more fun.
And with the spitters now having a variant that spat magma it made what was usually an annoying inconvenience an actual proper threat and I love that so fucking much, maybe the spitters aren't so horrible after all.
That's a lie I still fucking hate them but oh well!
Once we successfully complete all three areas we now return to the main area with a very pissed off Umbra and schweiger who although conscious is barely alive. As soon as we arrive back to were we began we are immediately attacked and dragged off to an unknown place that we only know as the void as coined by Umbra.
Let me tell you when I say the void is creepy I fucking mean it, the void is of course pitch black you cant see anything not even your flash light does anything to the surrounding darkness, all you see when you spawn is the pitch black and eframs body of a slab surrounded by candles with Umbra looking over us and you really get the the sense of "holy shit, this is it!"
I genuinely adored the design of the void, the fact you only ever see your surroundings when a split second of bright red lighting strikes and even then you only see the faint outline of distant places, walking through the endless river of blood that stops you to a near snail's pace while fending of oncoming dead is genuinely spectacular! Holy fuck did rebellion pull it out the bag this round!
Just when you think you're about to have to do something to the incapacitated schweiger, Edie finally fucking shows up and does something useful for once, breaking schweiger out of his trance and giving him enough power to fend for himself when she realises Umbra has no defences! Thank fuck because now we know how to finally end The Baron and let me tell you I couldn't be happier to get the chance at killing the bastard.
The fights were challenging and had me cornered a few times and I'll admit I died a couple times but it was absolutely worth it, there was so much going on but it wasnt overbearing, with how large the areas you had to fight the hordes in were it made the fucking insane amounts of zombies absolutely balanced, I never felt like it was impossible but never felt it was too easy either just the right balance of insanity. And to make it even better I get to listen to schweiger shit talk the Baron as we help Efram regain strength while weakening Umbra.
Listening to Umbra beg and plead for mercy was great, it really felt like we were overpowering hell itself, no matter what Umbra threw our way it did absolutely nothing and listening to schweiger come to terms with what he's done and immediately work towards redemption by putting down Umbra was heartwarming. We were the winners not Umbra.
Then finally we get to what I've been wanting to do since the beginning of the DLC, after two whole hours I finally got to put an end to the Baron, activating that ending cutscene was so satisfying and I got to put down my controller and watch.
I'll admit I was confused when Umbea sprung back to life and actually attacked, where hitler failed to stop us during hell machine Umbra full pounced, he was going to take us with him and for a second I absolutely believed we were going to die with him, the fuck tries ripping our soul out rendering us absolutely useless. Its schweiger that saves us, pulling us away from Umbra then eviscerating the fuck out of him with ease and with that The Baron himself is dead, finally the tyrant is dead and everything we had worked towards was finally put to rest.
Just before that scene ends, we see schweiger smile! He's actually happy for once, free from Umbras grip, he's faced his fears and insecurities and in the end was the one who saved us and destroyed The Baron. To see him smile was one of the greatest things ever and I'm so glad we finally got to see that.
In last few moments of the ending, we wake up on the side of a cliff with Dr schweiger by our side and as the camera zooms out we see nothing but an endless sea of lava and I'm left thinking.
What the fuck is Projekt Ragnarok?
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barnesbabee · 4 years
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CHAPTER ONE - WONDERLAND
   WONDERLAND MASTERLIST
 ⇜ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - ᴏɴᴇ -  ɴᴇxᴛ ⟿
CHARACTER LIST:
  White Rabbit - Choi Jongho
  Absolem (Blue Catterpilar) - Kang Yeosang
  Cheshire Cat - Kim Hongjoong
  Mad Hatter - Choi San
  Haigha (March Hare) - Jung Wooyoung
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 You wandered around the Wonderland, absolutely clueless about where to go and what to do. You were lost in a world where you didn’t belong, in a place where nothing was what it seemed. You looked around apprehensively, not knowing if any of the things around you were alive, if a tree was going to try and make conversation or if a rock would introduce itself to you.
  Suddenly, you encountered a bifurcation on the road, avoiding a big tree in the middle. Its trunk was in a dark purple shade, and its leaves were pink. You could swear you saw it sparkling too... You were inspecting the tree, carefully as to not touch it, when a wide smile appeared out of thin air. It started as a small set of teeth, that spread to become a large, smiling mouth. You stumbled back and nearly fell at the sight. Seconds after, a pair of big, green, cat-like eyes developed just the same way the mouth had. 
   “You might want to be careful.” The mouth said ominously.
You took a deep breath. You were dead. You were imagining this, it wasn't real, so he couldn't hurt you.
   “And what are you supposed to be!?” You asked, unbelieving the sight before you.
  The shapes swirled in the air, and a man appeared. He was small and pale, with the exception of three purple lines on each cheek, that seemed to be fading. His hair was a mix of pink and purple, almost as if he had mimicked the tree, and his eyes were shining as they looked down at you. The ‘man’ was now lying on the tree, with his belly pressed against the hard wood, his feet up in the air, and the palms of his hands supporting his face. He had on a purple vest over a white button-up shirt, much like the man you had followed in the park before. He wore tight black pants that stopped just below his knees and seemed to have been scratched... by a cat. You noticed he was barefoot as well.
   “You may call me Cheshire. Cheshire Cat.”
   You stared at him, dumbfounded. Cat? You inspected him closer, He had no ears, no paws... The only thing that resembled a cat were his sharp teeth.
   “You don’t look like a cat...”
   He swirled in the air and disappeared, then popping up beside you. He traced your jaw with his finger.
   “Oh, you’re a newcomer.” He concluded.
  You nodded and stepped away from him. He vanished into thin air once more, only to appear meters away from you, floating over the road on the right side of the tree.
   “I better take you to the Hatter then, he’ll be best to explain the Wonderland to you.”
  You didn’t move, you just stared at the floating pink and purple man.
   “Well, you’d better come. It would be foolish not to get to know the land you’re in.”
   You immediately ran over to Cheshire and accompanied him along the road that had now faded to green.
   “And what do you call yourself, hm?” He asked you.
   You noticed how a smile was always present in his face. Sometimes it was a grin, sometimes it was a full smile, but it never left his pink lips.
   “Y/N... I’m Y/N.”
   “Hm, an uncommon name.”
   The ‘Cat’ would occasionally twirl and swirl in the air, spin around tree trunks and branches while humming to a song. You found him scarily amusing, he was inviting yet threatening, just like this unknown land seemed to be. 
  You soon arrived in a place of many colors, that seemed to be slightly fading to a darker tone. there was a big house in the shape of a bronze teapot, with a big green hat as a ceiling and several pieces of fabric of all shapes and colors decorating around it. Outside of the house was a big wooden table, covered by a torn, stained white tablecloth. On top of the table there were teapots, teacups, all kinds of silver cutlery (from small spoons to big forks), and plates from all sizes.
  Although there were about seven chairs on each side, there were only two people present. One sitting on the head of the table and the other one in the third chair on his left side. 
  You approached them, along with Cheshire. The Cat seemed to be comfortable around the two, as he disappeared again and re-appeared sitting between the two of them. 
   “Hello compadres.” Chesire sang as his finger traced the shapes of one of the white teacups and his other hand held his chin up.
  They were both visibly startled by the sudden summoning of the purple-haired creature. The looks of confusion turned into looks of amusement as they both burst into laughter. You didn’t understand what was so funny, so you stepped closer.
  The man at the head of the table had a green-ish top hat with a piece of pink cloth and several pins around it. He wore a long coat that matched the hat’s color, black suit capri pants, and a button-up black shirt dotted with many colors. His orange, middle-parted hair was short, but still visible under the hat. His face was interesting... He had big, green eyes (that almost seemed fake) and an incredibly pale face, with the exception of the pink halos painted around his eyes.
  The other male, who had yellow eyes, wore a simple large white button-up shit, tucked in a pair of short, tight brown pants and a very large olive suit jacket.
  The second they noticed you they both stood up and walked over to you.
   “Oh but it’s a guest!” The smaller one said.
   “So it is! Welcome, guest, to our unbirthday party!”
  You let them take you by your hands, one each, and sit you down. They sat down themselves and poured you a cup of tea.
   “I’m sorry, unbirthday?”
   The man you supposed was the Hatter that Chesire had told you about nodded vigorously. 
   “Indeed! We have a tea party whenever it’s not our birthday!” The Hatter explained.
   “But... That’s every day.” You said, confused.
   The yellow-eyed male slammed his hands on the table and laughed.
   “Exactly! Every day is a day for a tea party because every day is not our birthday and therefore every day is our unbirthday which we must celebrate!” He explained and you noticed his eye left eye and his head would twitch slightly.
   The Hatter and the other male exchanged looks before bursting into laughter.
   You looked at Cheshire, worriedly and he just chuckled lowly and motioned to the two other men with his hands.
   “They’re mad!” He told you.
   “Isn’t everyone?” The Hatter asked as he leaned closer to you and giggled.
   “All the best people are!” 
   You were surprised at the small voice coming from inside one of the empty teapots.
   Cheshire kindly opened it and a mouse popped out.
   “Who are you?” You curiously asked the little mouse, cutely dressed up in tiny clothes.
   “Oh, how rude of us not to introduce ourselves.” The Hatter commented while standing up from his chair.
    “I, am the Mad Hatter, that,” he introduced, pointing at the other male that waved at you while one of his piercing yellow eyes twitched “is the March Hare, but I’ve taken the liberty to call him Haigha because March Hare is far too long and we do not, absolutely do not, have time to waste. Do you not agree?”
  You just nodded along, speechless and amused at the man. He then let the mouse climb onto his hand and approached it to you. The little mouse gracefully bowed to you and you bowed your head, showing him respect.
   “And this is Dormouse.”
   “The presentations are lovely and I'm sure the tea party is going amazingly, but I won’t be staying for long, I fear I might become mad...” Cheshire told the Hatter as he floated above his chair, with his legs crossed “I’m afraid Y/N is not from around here, and I know how much you love to talk about the wonderous Wonderland, isn’t it right?”
  For a second it seemed as if the Hatter had entered Heaven. He clasped his hands together and sighed.
   “But of course! The Wonderland is the most marvelous place. I’ve traveled to distant lands and none other is as beautiful as here. Everything is peaceful and colorful, the flowers greet you with a good morning as you wake up, and the moon bids goodnight as you fall asleep. The parties are like no other, filled with joy and laughter of the animals and citizens, and oh so much tea! It’s like a paradise and-”
  The man was so involved in describing his beautiful homeland that you felt bad when Cheshire interrupted him by clearing his throat and playing with one of his pink locks.
   “Aren’t you forgetting something, Hatter?” He sang.
  The Hatter’s smile quickly turned into a frown and his face expressed disgust and terror.
   “The Bloody Red King.” He growled so low you almost didn’t hear him at all.
   “What he’s describing, it’s before” The Hare paused to let out a screechy laugh “before the Bloody Red King.”
The Hatter stood up and threw one of his precious teacups and the walls of his house, as he laughed maniacally.
   “The soulless monarch who cursed all of us. He became King after mercilessly slaying his sister who owned the throne. He slit her throat out of envy and jealousy and started ruling us like a power-hungry beast. He tortures and kills the ones who don’t content him. After he took the throne, most of us escaped from the Kingdom, as we would never accept being ruled by a tyrant, but he forced a witch to cast a spell upon us. Everyone that didn’t obey him, would become just like him. That’s why Cheshire is no longer a cat, and why Haigha is no longer a Hare, he’s turned them into these bodies, that resemble his species, so they’d never forget who they belong to.”
  Cheshire whined at the memory.
The Hatter's speech was fueled by rage and wish for vengeance, you could tell.
   “I hate this body, I miss my ears...” He pouted and caressed the top of his head, where his purple-striped ears once stood.
"No offense, of course." Chesire told you with a sly smile, after noticing that your natural body was, in fact, the same species as the one he tried to escape from.
  You looked at the three of them and instantly felt bad. Cheshire was no longer grinning and the laughs had quieted down. All of them were visibly upset, which was understandable since they’d lost who they were. 
   “What about Dormouse?”
  The little animal looked up at you and shrugged.
   “I’m forgettable I guess...”
  His answer was as depressing as Hatter’s explanation, and your expression fell at it.
  The Mad man looked deep into your eyes and leaned forward.
  “Whatever you do, avoid the King. He’s merciless, he’s ruthless. He cares for nothing and no one, the Bloody Red King means only danger.”
   “Down with the Bloody Red King.”
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arrancxr · 5 years
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Henlo, I just discovered this blog and have been binging thru it like crazy lmao I love the way u go super deep into a characters pyche and how they act? I live for those kind of in depth examinations on behaviour, it's so nice ahh I'm v curious about this girls of virtue story?? If it's gucci, could u give out some general lore about the story? Like maybe some info about the world its set in, race descriptions?? General story plot/themes? Go wild 🤘
Henlo anon I love you for sending this~  (๑・ω-)~♥” I live for writing character analysis/development too, and while the Hollows will always be precious to me, there’s something extra fun about having my own characters to play with o3o I have another GoV ask waiting, and I intend to make that one the more simple, spoiler-free answer. Thus, what I’m writing here will have major spoilers for the story.
And it’s going under the cut in case anyone wants to avoid those~ (。’▽’。)
THE WORLD OF FOG
The world that Girls of Virtue is set in is called the World of Fog. It’s an alternate dimension parallel to our world, known as the “real world” within the story, and it is one fucked up place. The World of Fog itself is a parasitic dimension that draws creatures known as subconscious beings out of humans and into itself. It then feeds on the energy and life force of those beings, eventually draining them to the point where they fuse with the world itself. The World of Fog is very literally built on corpses, and while the ever-present fog hides it from the eyes of its inhabitants, the reality is terrifying. 
When subconscious beings have been drained, they lose energy and slow down, slowly entering a near-comatose state. When they’ve reached the point where they can no longer move, they start to merge with their surroundings. This process is slow and horrific, and it ends in a still-living subconscious being fused with whatever it was near, slowly sucked into the World of Fog itself to become a permanent energy source. For reasons that I’ll explain in the next section, this effectively kills the human that they were attached to. 
The World of Fog is a creepy, miserable place devoid of color and life. The only living things in it are the subconscious beings; there are no animals, and few living plants. The world seems to be endless, but the only thing resembling civilization is an abandoned town that springs up the middle of nowhere. The town is rotting and in terrible disrepair, but it’s the only real shelter available, and thus, what the Girls of Virtue call their home. 
SUBCONSCIOUS BEINGS
The only living things in the World of Fog are mysterious creatures known as Subconscious Beings. These beings are the physical manifestations of the worst parts of humans. They’re the hateful, violent, and unstable sides of people given a life of their own, and they’re dangerous. 
Since the World of Fog feeds on the energy of these beings, it’s drawn to the strongest negative forces. Thus, very few neutral or positive beings are formed. Each Subconscious Being is tied to the human that they originated from, and if one side of the connection dies, the other will as well. However, Subconscious beings are much tougher than humans. They’re stronger and faster, more agile, with supernatural regeneration levels and some forms of telekinesis. Their abilities vary by individual, but generally, the worse the human that the being came from, the stronger the being is. 
When Subconscious Beings are formed, they lack their human memories. They don’t know who or what they are, beyond a name that they can call their own. The current group of Subconscious Beings is lead by a vicious monster called Judgement, who considers herself to be the god of the World of Fog. While not directly said in the story, Judgement has killed all of the Subconscious Beings that were still in the World of Fog when she was formed, in order to leave only herself as leader. From there, she’s carefully selected the followers that she sees as useful, and disposed of any new beings that she doesn’t want to use. 
By extension, Judgement has been the death of many humans in the real world, who’s bodies would have shut down when their subconscious was killed. Judgement herself is the strongest being to have been formed, and is easily powerful enough to kill all of the others combined. She’s a monstrous tyrant, and one who considers herself a god. 
PLOT DETAILS
Judgment has the unique ability to open gateways between the World of Fog and the real world. At first, she’s only able to do this when she has an object to hold the gates open with, and the gates themselves are temporary but as she grows stronger, she’s eventually able to hold the gateways open on her own, with no anchor needed.
The plan that Judgement has is to enter the real world and kill the humans that she deems unworthy of life. Judgement seeks to destroy, and she uses the group that she’s assembled-- the Girls of Virtue, as she ironically calls them-- to cross into the real world and wreak as much havoc as they can. However, her plan is threatened when the newest arrival to the World of Fog, Beginning, a being who’s clearly out of place, decides that she’s going to stand up to Judgement. Beginning is kinder and more human than any of the rest, and her kindness is the one thing the heartless girls aren’t prepared to deal with. 
Beginning spreads discord throughout the Girls of Virtue, confusing and bewildering the girls who only know how to respond to hate and violence. All the while, she seeks to know who she is, and why she was brought to the World of Fog in the first place, when she so clearly doesn’t belong. 
In the end, Beginning regains her memories of her human self, and with her true name, Change, goes on to reveal to Judgement and her followers the true nature of what they are... and exactly what their world is doing to them. The girls’ panic leaves the World of Fog off balance, and when the ever-present fog finally lifts, they all see the true, horrifying nature of the World of Fog. Through tearing apart their twisted worldviews, Change forces the girls out of the World of Fog and back to their human selves, thus saving both them and the real world that they were set on destroying. 
Change wakes up as her human self when the World of Fog collapses, no longer having any living beings to sustain it. The only problem now? The Girls of Virtue are loose in the human world, with physical bodies and all of their memories intact. And Judgement is among them. 
THEMES/MEANING
The story itself is very, very personal to me. I’d have to go into a lot of detail to explain it all, but the short answer is that the whole thing symbolizes the struggles of mental illness, and the road to living with and recovering from the worst things that your brain can throw at you. 
The Subconscious Beings represent a distorted view of one’s self; the way that we see our worst parts as defining us. Their traits are the ways that our minds turn against us, and many of them represent symptoms and struggles that mental illness brings. Judgement herself, the leader of them all, is the force that thinks itself to be god, the voice that tries to tell us that we’re unworthy of life and love and happiness. Judgement is the dark, destructive nature of the illnesses that torment people. 
Thus, the story is one of positivity and recovery. Change is the force that allows us to heal and move on; the person choosing to face their demons and fight for the life that they want to live. Through facing and accepting the Girls of Virtue, she grabs them by the shoulders, and just like her name suggests, drags them towards something better. Even Judgement is bested by the will to see reality and break free of the voice that says that you’re better off dead. By breaking down the World of Fog and returning the Girls to who and what they really are, Change destroys the distorted perceptions that allow them to make the world-- and themselves-- suffer. 
There will be a second book at some point, featuring the Girls’ human selves and their recovery. That book will also feature Marina (Change) and Adora (Judgement)’s dynamic evolving from what is was as Change and Judgement, to something positive and healthy. 
I could go on for a lot longer, but this post is already pretty massive... >.> Thank you so much for the wonderful questions, anon!!!
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