#I'm just rambling to the void cause it helps me think lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

0oolookitsme · 1 year

Text

A Messy Day

Type- One-Shot

Verse- Singer!Harry xCeo!Y/n

Word Count- 2.5k

Warnings- I literally never write angst and I guess it might be showing in this fic lmao.

A/N- I just hope you don't absolutely hate this, I just don't have any idea what couples would fight about, what would be a big or small deal for them! I already beg your pardon hahah <3

She doesn't know what she did that made him feel like that. She just cares for him and is in love with him- is that where she went wrong? Because if yes, then this might be the only mistake which will have wounded her so badly that she won't even speak to another human ever again.

She was just helping him calm down before the show, telling him all the positive things that could happen while he was on the stage as he was brushing his teeth. She was just coming onto the point of making memories when he just spat out the toothpaste, rinsed his mouth and went away humming back at her in a dismissive response.

She was left dumbfounded sitting on the bathroom counter, but she brushed it off thinking maybe he was just feeling better now. It hit her in the heart when she saw him rambling to Mitch instead and as much as she tried to cover up her disappointment by thinking that he maybe wanted some relatability, she couldn't help but leave the space immediately to just forget this ever happened.

And she had. Sitting on a wooden chair, she chatted away with the cooking crew to selfishly keep her mind away from the way Harry had stirred-up shit in the over-thinking part of her brain. But she was also curious to know about how it felt to cook at somewhere which isn't the most usual space for cooking and chef-ing around.

She had even befriended the female chef; Charlotte was her name. Charlotte had told her about her nickname often being 'chocolate' to sweeten y/n's mood. Maybe she had just sensed that something was off ...women things? Y/n has no idea.

"Is my soup ready?" Harry's head peeked inside the kitchen area and every head turned towards him except for y/n's as she truly cannot afford tearing up in front of so many people.

One of them chimed in to tell him that it isn't yet but should be in around five more minutes. "Can you bring it to my room, love?" He asked and there's no doubt he's talking to his girlfriend.

"Sure," she mumbles quietly, her back still turned to him. Hearing him pad away without much care about her strange behaviour towards him, she looked up again while inhaling deeply, trying to keep her emotions in control when all she wanted to do was lock herself up in a bathroom and cry.

Only Harry had this much control over her feelings, only him. No one could make her want to just cry this much but Harry, she realized today. No one could pull as many emotions out of her as he could- she knew that since before though. But all she can think of right now is them separating- him leaving her all alone to be specific, and regrets of opening up to him and letting her walls down for him start to fill in.

"You wanna try this and tell me how it tastes? I'm sure you have a pretty good taste," Charlotte pats her shoulders, causing her to blink out of the void.

"Of course," she perks up at the sound of food, getting off the chair. Somewhere inside, she's a lot grateful for Char, so she brushes her hand on her back, trying to let her know without having to say it out loud.

Turning to face y/n, Char hands her a small tea plate while mumbling 'here'. The loose liquid is moving around with ease in the circular utensil, so y/n can tell that it's the soup and not the curry to a dinner they'll be packing for the crew.

She carefully slurps on it and the hot feeling of it against the back of her throat makes her rolls her eyes at the back of head. It brings her comfort. "Fuck, this shit is so very good," she opens her eyes to look at a grinning Charlotte. "You were on the Vogue Magazine labeled as the best chef for a reason, eh?" She compliments the blushing chef.

Just as Char mutters a small 'thank you' Y/n realizes that she might be giving out wrong indications, especially with how close she's standing to her. "Sorry," she clears her throat while backing away a few steps while waiting for Char to pour the soup in a bowl so that she can take it to- oh hell no.

She'll do anything to avoid him right now but seeing everyone busy in something, she has to somehow work up the courage to face him.

Charlotte hums for y/n to take ahold of the bowl and she takes it graciously to feel the heat of the utensil in her palms for a mere while. With the spoon already dipped inside, she moves towards the exit with caution as to not move with too much movement or some soup might end up on floor- and she really doesn't want to increase someone's work in this already hectic schedule.

Taking a turn towards the room of the one and only, she knocks lightly before opening the door and placing her first step inside through the small gap between the door and its frame. Instantly the door is hardly pushed back to close it and she feels the muscles of her foot squish so hard that a hissed-yell escapes her mouth.

Just as she curses though, the person inside opens the door with a frown on their face. "Couldn't you have waited for me to open the door or at least told me that it's you? I'm literally in my briefs!" He whisper yells at her and a sheen layer of salty water spreads across her sight, making everything look blurry.

Usually, they both would've laughed at their silliness but not right now- not when some shit has already been churned up. They can't even make themselves fake smile at each other.

"Fuckin' shit Harry, no! You tell me to bring you your damn soup and expect a ghost to bring it to you?" She lightly yells at him, letting him take ahold of the bowl now. Just as he turns around to place his bowl on the vanity with a strange face, she runs away. She runs to save herself the dignity she's got and slams the bathroom door once she's in there.

Maybe they could've talked through their fight as he'd slurp on his soup and y/n would chew on some cashews, but there's no way she's going back so instantly now.

He's only been making her feel ashamed of herself since the fucking morning today and she can't bring herself to be vulnerable in front of him anymore for the day- hopefully. Why is she getting so fucking sensitive ever since he has entered her life, she has no idea and it's driving her insane. Maybe it's just her periods approaching but she can't help but accept that it's her Harry, her boyfriend, love of her life and fucking best friend who's made her feel like shit all day.

She looks up, facing the ceiling so that her tears don't slip out.

It all started this morning when she was just feeling generous with affections and maybe he was feeling like an adult, not liking her 'child-like' behaviour. Yep, he had asked her "You're acting so childish today, everything Okay?" when all she wanted to do was make a fountain on the top of his head.

She had laughed it off in the moment, but she just gets it now.

Breathing in and out while her tears get soaked back in, she thinks about every fun memory she can and passes herself a sweet smile in the mirror, waiting till her nose returns back to its normal and she suddenly starts looking pretty.

She opens the door and moves towards his room again, the pain in her foot having been thought away as she knocks and waits for him to open the door.

When Harry does open the door wide enough for her to enter, she slides in quickly, skidding on her socks quickly towards the sofa and picks up her backpack.

"Where are you going?" He asks her in a not-so-sweet-tone when he notices her slipping out of the room quietly and exhales in annoyance when she doesn't reply. All he wants is a quiet-cuddle session with his girlfriend, but she just can't stop talking and acting like a child. He's been waiting all day for her to realize that he's feeling down and needy and wants her warmth. Key word: realize; for her to realize without him having told her anything, not even a damn hint.

He's an adult, he should just spit it out and set things straight in front of her, tell her what he wants but no- he feels like a child who just wants to feel understood, so when she tries to provide him some good company by simply providing him with her love, he decides that she's the one acting childish.

He has no idea why he wants to feel understood; he clearly is by the people who he loves. And that's when he realizes, he is just playing around by not telling what he wants and is getting grumpier when the person he wants doesn't read his mind.

He guesses he's the one on the bad side right now, but that doesn't make him go and run for y/n because he's in his egotistic maniac mindset right now.

So, because his girlfriend ignoring him stroke his ego really bad, he sits down on the couch and finishes the rest of the soup which seems to have gotten absolutely cold by now. But that doesn't mean it isn't affecting the weird sensation on his tongue, which had gotten burnt during the early slurps of the soup.

He starts mumbling incoherent things randomly, shit-talking about everyone else to make himself better.

When y/n's head bobs in through the door again, he's ready to not react to her dismissing him but when she silently picks up her laptop's charger and moves to exit the room again, he bursts.

"Can you not give me the silent-treatment? Maybe just act like the grownup you are and tell me what's wrong?" He picks on her, setting out the words clearly pointing towards him to refer to her. And boy does he shrink on the inside when she scoffs.

But his words continuously fall deaf on Y/n's ears, as they are flooded by the sound of her own heartbeat racing and blood pumping through her arteries while she vigorously scratches that part of her brain internally which is playing the words that spilled from his mouth accidently on repeat; to get them erased from where they seem to have also imprinted themselves.

"Just shut up, y/n!" He had shouted at her when she was in the midst of telling him about a joke on their way here- and it honestly didn't affect her as much as the words he muttered under his breath while turning away from her to face the window instead did. "Don't even know why I brought y' with me. All you've been doing is treat me like a damn child and act childish yourself."

Trust her, she was trying to keep her mind off these moments but this one just won't leave her alone.

"Harry, do you realize who the fuck is being a child right now? It's you! Cause if you really were acting like an adult, you wouldn't need me to tell you what the fuck's wrong."

But it's all a game of better comebacks now, and y/n is not going to back down.

"All you have done today is make my day shit when all I did was try to make yours better. You made me feel fucking ashamed of myself, H." She gritted out the last part, tears brimming up to her waterline again as she tries to blink them away but fails. And she can see the alarm on his face, in his eyes but she cannot give two fucks right now. Perhaps, he realized that he was being a bitch?

"Love- I... I'm so sorry." He gets up, hurrying towards y/n to enclose his arms around her and when she doesn't push him away but continues to tell him about everything he told her that hurt her, he feels a knife twisting in through his stomach. He's just disgusted by himself that he made her cry. The woman he swore to keep happy- he made her cry.

When he hugs her, y/n can't help but feel like this fight is slipping out of her fist and being pushed under the carpet because she just started crying. But maybe this actually isn't as much of a big deal she's making it out to be.

"I know I disrespected you, and I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm the one who didn't communicate properly and expected you to read my mind," he shushes her, rubbing her back as she wipes her tears away.

At least he set the things out for her to learn what's wrong after seeing her cry, so that's a win. But she shouldn't have to cry to get him to fucking set things out.

She chuckles dryly at this. "You seriously made me think that you were gonna leave me simply because you didn't feel comfortable enough to communicate with me... Also, is that supposed to make me feel better? Because it is clearly not." She says, pressing her forearms on his chest to push him away.

"Lovie- don't be so hard on me, I'm sorry! I didn't realize what I was doing and-and why would you think I'm gonna leave you? Baby that's never happening, you're seriously stuck with me now 'cause my clingy ass ain't gonna leave you, nah." He chuckles, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Her eyes light up slightly at the affirmation but her face is still looking like a carved stone right now. A smile tugs at the corner of her lips but she settles it down by rolling her lips in. "I'm not going to forgive you so easily, H. I won't make a big deal out of this. You were feeling needy and felt that it'd be childish of you to just ask for what you wanted," she stopped to catch her breath. "I may have over-thought it all a little, but it still doesn't dismiss the feeling of me hurt. So, let's get it straight," she stops again to create some suspense as she makes a mischievous eye contact with him.

"First: I'm not scratching your scalp for a week. Second: No kisses till the next show is over. Third, dare you ask me to tell you jokes and lastly, I am not humming songs to you till you sleep because I'm a kid and well, it's adults who sing kids to sleep."

"You did not just make that third rule and say that!"

She giggles as she parts to move out of the room. "Could say the same for every time you opened your mouth in front of me today, Styles."

Going over all the rules in his head, Harry just knows that he indeed truly messed up today.

#harry styles #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #harry styles x reader #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x fem!reader #harry styles one shot #harry styles fan fiction #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles smut #boyfriend!harry #harry styles concept

336 notes · View notes

callico-awts · 8 months

Text

More of my wilting tulips (omari au) art and also adding a pinch of lore(???) but most of em are HIKI shhshhs

Also btw I didn't proof read any of this- lots of grammar incorrections and misspells

Anyways, enjoy the crumbs!! (⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)

WELCOME TO HIKIS ROOM TOUR-

•basically what they're rw self has in their room • some mixtape, sketchbook and comfortable beanbag(?)

• I was thinking, instead of a black light bulb. What about a night light(?) Idk this is still to change ig

A BALL OF SUNSHINNNEEEE-

• from what I recall, I said that Hiki doesn't feel emotions but I did change em

• Me: Gloomy sad mari lmao- HIKI: */stabs me with a cutter

• maybe very sad and emo, a opposite to Mari's happy social butterfly self but then again it's still subject to change-

•HIKI does feel emotions but mostly negative ones. the most are sad and maybe anger(?). They have trouble of being reserved and it sorta don't end well if they're neutral state disperse.

•HS peeps see HIKI as this 'bright' person but in truth, They're a tired and gloomy teenager just helping ppl around HS for tokens(that's the currency of this HS)..

•They're not DPS material cuz HIKI is sorta like a sub-dps and maybe a support(?),Just boosting the groups damage and abilities, healer.. In fact, you could say they're a bit weak.. Due to them having back pain or body aches for no reason..

But they could get a bit stronger when they feel a certain emotion.. you can guess it-

That's right! By being sa-

🌧️ GLOOMY WEATHER🌧️

•The main plot doesn't revolve around finding their friend, more likely due to abnormal frequent storms going on in HS.

•Creatures(?) in HS are complaining about and finding it a bit odd because it doesn't rain at all in HS(?), That's where the friend group along with HIKI step in, They want to investigate about the storm and what's causing it. Since the HS in my au always has bright and sunset atmosphere(?) ig.

• there's parts of HS that looks empty like a literal white void

-White tulips-

•The friend groups personality are slightly different to their rw selves..(I haven't wrote a comparison I'm sorry-)

But the most noticeable one is Sunny's. In HS, I mean he's still introverted and blunt but then he seems to smile alot which is ofc in his rw self and its sorta just a mask to what HS sunny truly is...(ohhh mysterious-)

And sometimes HS sunny says something that is ooc and also same with the friend group but mostly are from basil then shet happens-

*Me rambling about the chara designs again..

• Once again, something(teru omori) and HIKI designs are supposed to replicate the look of a teru teru bozu.. teru omori are the obvious ones, since y'know there's rain going on there..

• The friend groups design are still unchanged.. but I will revamp em if i want to-

•HS sunny has like a major change of design (in my prev post lmao) He has like that school uniform look cuz that's what his sister sees him wearing. His old uniform (rw self)

That's all- Thanks for scrolling through!!

Haven't post lots of omori, sorry bout that I'm sorta chilling with another fandom again..

Adios-

*/Doesn't post for a long time again(1000)

#omori #omori au #omari au #wilting tulips (omari au)#omori game #omori spoilers #omori mari #mari suffers #omori sunny #omori headspace #omori headcanons #omori au lore #lore #“pinch of lore”???#this looks alot than pinch??!!)

38 notes · View notes

sunset-a-story · 11 months

Note

5-7 and all of the creator asks for oc pride? - @void-botanist

ohmygoodness, if I'm understanding your ask that's like 10 questions so I'm going to put it under a cut for scrolling. Thank you for giving me so much space to ramble!

5. I have answered here

6. How does your oc feel about labels? Theirs, or in general?

Most of them are quite comfortable and find them helpful. Reeve feels iffy about labels because he feels like the brain is too complex and contradictory for it but he keeps that to himself. (honestly, I just think he's flabbergasted by people who know themselves well enough to pick a label)

7. Is there something that could cause your oc to question their identity? What?

For sexuality, I'd say love, across the board. For gender, eh, just their own shifting experience. Creator asks- 14. Do you have ocs on the aro or ace spectrum?

Yes, answered elsewhere.

15. Do any of your ocs use neopronouns? Which ones?

Stormy uses they/them and Echo (in Arc 3) uses all pronouns.

16. Did you ever change an oc's identity when they were already established? Why?

Rarely when they've been established. I think just Hannah. The character was originally a guy but reading what we'd written of them, it was more like a woman we'd mislabeled. She also didn't start out as ace but they were created in 2006 or so before we had heard of asexuality as a thing. Still, whenever I tried to ship [him and then her] it gave me the ick so once we learned a word for it, it all made sense.

17. Do you share identity with any of your ocs? Which ones?

Sure. There are lots of bi/pan folks for me and Echo is genderfluid like me. Austin and Gage are both transmasc like my partner and my partner is also on the ace spectrum like Hannah.

18. Do you prefer to give your ocs specific labels, or keep it unspecified? Why? If applicable, do you change their labels depending on circumstance?

I try to give them if they would provide them/it's necessary, but not automatically. Reeve doesn't identify himself as queer for 50 some-odd pages because it's not relevant. And their labels change if they change.

19. Do you have preferences about depicting homo/transphobia in your stories? What, and why? Does it vary by story?

Okay, we have big feelings about this. While the story is not free of queer-phobic shit entirely (it's the world after all), we are not interested in portraying hate crimes. It's important to us that queer/trans people have stories and conflict and victories and losses that are unrelated to their gender and sexuality. Austin's life isn't fucked up because he's trans. He's just also trans while his life gets fucked up. As readers, we wanted stories about incidentally queer people who aren't being oppressed for plot or being self-hateful/shaming/struggling with their identities. Just comfortably queer people getting into shenanigans. So that's what we try to write.

They're here. They're queer. And nothing else is ever going to go right for them again but that's unrelated.

20. Have your ocs helped you in self discovery? How?

I'd say yes. We started developing the cast in our early 20s in college while we were also trying to sort out our own sexuality/gender stuff in a time before we had the sort of language/resources that exist today. I would say that sticking my brain into the POVs of different characters on the gender/sexuality spectrums certainly helped me find out where my head feels at home.

21. Free ramble card wee

I. Feel. Like. I. Just. Rambled. So. Much! I'm out of fuel lmao

Thank you again for the ask! You're awesome.

#writeblr ask game #pride oc ask game

3 notes · View notes

septic-dr-schneep · 6 years

Note

that fic with jackie and henrik gave me so many feeeeeels ;~; I somehow feel like jackie wouldn't care too much for his own safety after he hurt henrik so badly, and when he does get injured, he wouldn't want to face henrik unless he completed his mission. and I can't stop thinking about someone bringing him into henrik's hospital, unconscious and bleeding, and henrik feeling angry and guilty. (can you tell I'm a whump fan lmao)

Ooooh, boooy, you asked for this by sending me such a great whumpy scenario…

JSE Fanfiction - In Time Of Need (Part 3: Discord #2)

Summary: Jackieboy returns, but he’s not in any condition to make amends with the doctor he hurt so badly. Schneep has to save his life first.

Schneep thought about him as soon as he pried his eyes open each day.There was a tangible emptiness when he stumbled out of bed, shrugged on hiscoat and made his way down the hall toward the lab, only to find that Jackie wasn’twaiting for him outside the locked door.

It wasn’t right. His throat always felt dry and tight when he rememberedthe terrible things he had said…the terrible things Jackie had said to him inreturn. Each morning, they made him pause with his hand on the handle, his keyin the lock, leaning his head against the doorframe and trying to remember howbreathing worked.

“I don’t haveluxury of running away! I have to watch Jack breathe through machines…”

“I know you,Henrik; you stay because you feel guilty!”

His hand shook, sweat causing his fingers to slip against the smoothmetal doorknob. He knew. He knew it was true, but that didn’t mean hearing thewords from Jackie of all people had hurt any less.

He should never have let him leave. He should have begged with him tostay; he had heard the shock and the regret in the hero’s voice as soon as he’drealized all of the hurtful things he’d said. If Schneep had asked him, he would have stayed just to make up forwounding him so badly. Instead, Schneep had told him to leave. He hadn’t beenable to stomach looking at him, muchless try to go about his day with him.

If Schneep hadn’t raised a fuss about him leaving in the first place,Jackie never would have said those things. He would have gotten a hug before heleft instead of a pathetic touch of the hand. He should have supported hisfriend. Jackie was trying to cope in the best way he knew. Search for Anti. Itwas his answer to everything. Schneep should have understood that.

Guilt burning bitterly against the back of his eyes, he did his best tocollect himself, slipping into the lab. As soon as he laid eyes on Jack,however, the tears took full shape, blurring his view until he hastily scrubbedthe back of his sleeve over his face and crossed the room.

“G—Good morning, Jack,” he whispered, laying a hand over his creator’s.He could almost imagine that Jack’s fingers twitched underneath his own, but heknew they hadn’t. For a long minute he simply stared at him, taking in his palefeatures. His cheeks were getting scruffier day by day. Schneep would need toshave him soon. Such a simple task, but he didn’t want to think about it. Hecleared his throat, lifting his voice a little more to fill the deep void ofsilence.

“I haven’t even had my coffee yet. You know I need that caffeine, but Itend to you first. Not very many people get Dr. Schneeple’s pre-coffeetreatment…You are special. You get spoiled,” he rambled softly as he changedthe IV bags. “I wonder if I were to put coffee in these IVs, if you would openthose eyes. You cannot resist good coffee. Or…heh. Banana milk. You wouldsurely wake up for that, wouldn’t you?” His voice broke as he attempted a weaklaugh and his faint smile faded. “…My Jack. You are something. You do like toplay with our little brains, don’t you? But this…th-this is…more than that. Iplayed with yours a-and I…I did it wrong.”

“You were theone who put Jack in this coma in the first place by failing him—like you alwaysdo!”

“I wish…none of this had happened. I wish I had never even touched you.If I hadn’t, you—you would be awake now. You could have done it yourself. Youwere stronger on your own, Jack…you…you never needed me.”

As soon as he said it, he couldn’t stand to look at Jack anymore,whirling around and making a beeline for the door. He knew Jack wouldn’t bealone for too long; Chase would be coming to watch over him within the hour,which gave him the excuse to escape.

Somehow, facing Jack wasn’t even as difficult as facing his coworkersevery day. They were making more and more comments about how haggard andexhausted he looked, but they couldn’t complain about his work. Schneep madesure that his work didn’t suffer because of his family. All he could do wasinternalize, internalize, internalize until he got in the taxi and could cry itout on the way home. The taxi driver had learned by now not to ask anyquestions.

Until then, however, he had to stay collected. The patients passed backand forth before his eyes, all blending together, none of them too extraordinaryor memorable. They weren’t who he was thinking of, but he forced himself totreat them nonetheless. They were important. He had to do his best for them,just as he would for his family.

“Are you okay, mister?” the little girl sitting on his examination tablequestioned cautiously as he fit her cast on her arm. It was pretty sad when hispatients noticed how grim he was.

“Don’t you worry,” he assured her with a weak smile. “Dr. Schneeplesteinjust hasn’t had his coffee today. I will be just fine.” Lies, lies, lies, lies. Everything was a lie.

The little girl didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t get a chance tokeep prying further; both she and Schneep were distracted by the small swarm ofdoctors making a commotion on the other side of the hall.

“…Male, mid to late twenties, medium build, multiple contusions and lacerations—He’staken a blow to the head—”

“Sir? Sir, can you hear me? Can you tell me who you are?”

“We all know who he is, Rena;this is Jackieboy Man!”

No. No.

Schneep’s heart surged up into his throat just as the pit of his stomachplunged, tools falling through his hands with a shattering clang as he boltedacross the hall with reckless abandon, shoving past the other startledphysicians and latching onto the edge of the gurney with clammy hands.

“Jackieboy?” he gasped out, his breath quickening in a race with hisheart and his stumbling skips to keep up as he was dragged down the hall. Themore his eyes widened, the more he could see the subtle difference between thered in Jackie’s suit and the bloodstains. There were too many. “Jackie, Jackie,what have you done?”

The hero shifted slightly at the sound of his name, prying half-lidded eyesopen to wander toward the lights overhead, though it wasn’t as much of a reliefas it should have been. Even with the shimmering rings of silver light aroundhis pupils, indicating he’d used his powers recently, his gaze was too glazed,too dilated, Schneep agonized. Sticky, half-dried blood was crusted over histemple, on his hood, in his hair—he had to have a concussion.

“I don’t—where is he? I’m not down yet, I’m not…lemme back…” the olderEgo murmured blearily, his hands twitching as if he were about to try pushinghimself upright. Schneep promptly snatched the closer one, squeezing ithelplessly.

“Stay still, stay! You’re in hospital, you’re hurt; you have to stay sowe can help you!” he implored, to which Jackieboy’s brows furrowed in minglingpain and confusion.

“H’spital…?” He tried to shake his head, hissing through his teeth as he earneda spike of pain for his troubles. “No-o-o,” he whined, letting his head fallback and blinking heavily. “No…no, not here…”

“What?”

“Get…get me outta here, I don’t want—H’nrik’s gonna kill me if he sees…Ifhe…sees…”

Fairly quivering with unspoken disbelief and a faint twinge of anger,Schneep clutched his hand all the tighter. “You’re not going anywhere! You’re goingto be okay; just stay with me.” He spoke too late. After his friend’s nextflickering blink, his eyes fell closed and didn’t reopen. “Jackie! No! Jackie, openyour eyes…Jackie! Stay with me here!”

“Schneeplestein, you need to step back,” one of the other doctors began,grabbing at his shoulder. “He needs to be—”

“No, shut up!” Schneep half-sobbed, half-screeched, wrenching out fromhis reach. “I’m going to save him!”Though it went against everything in him, he pried his grip away fromJackieboy’s limp fingers and ducked around the gurney so he could wildly pointthem in the direction of his preferred operating booth.

Though he performed the surgery (accepting very little help from thenurses along the way, never thinking to thank them where they did assist), Schneep wasn’t there to seeJackieboy transferred to a room. As soon as he was stabilized and Schneep couldbe certain that his lung wouldn’t collapse again, he promptly excused himselfto the nearest supply room, dumped several packages of gauze out of theirassigned bin and retched into it.

Nothing substantial came up, given that he hadn’t eaten anything todayand he’d only taken a few moments between patients for water, but he couldn’tstop. He wasn’t even sure why! He hadsucceeded. He had saved Jackie’s life; he was safe, so why did he still feel so chilled, so terrified?

It wasn’t that he wondered what could have happened if he hadn’t savedhim; he knew exactly what would have happened. A pneumothorax led to low bloodpressure, low blood pressure led to shock, and shock led to…He was all too wellaware of the “what ifs” and over the years he’d become a master of pushing themaway. Why was this different?

The nauseating sensation didn’t abate as he pushed the bin aside andstumbled back into the hall, waving vaguely in acknowledgement as one of thenurses read his mind and called Jackie’s room number out to him. When he foundthe proper door, he didn’t hesitate to go in, but as soon as he shouldered thedoor closed behind him and looked up, his breath hitched and he instinctivelyrecoiled, the door handle digging into his lower back as he pressed against it.

Jackie. It didn’t look anything like him; he was stripped of his mask andhis jumpsuit, leaving nothing but a bare, colorless face and a medical gown andbandages and blankets around his waist and an IV lead and a nasal cannula andhe—he was still unconscious.

Comatose.

Jack.

The fear became realization, the realization became dread, and the worldswerved out from under him. As soon as he hit the floor, the doctor curled intohimself, tucking his face between his knees and clutching his hands close tohis aching chest. This wasn’t Jack. This was Jackie, which only made it worse, because Schneep had put him there. Deep down, he knew thathe was to blame.

If you hadn’tfought with him, he wouldn’t have been distracted! You know he was thinking of you instead of how recklessly he was fighting! Youput him here, just like Jack! Just like J̡a̷ck. You failed the b̀o͜th of them.

It seemed his taxi driver wasn’t going to be seeing his tears today; theywere already spilling over and he was helpless to stop them. His only instinctwas to stifle the sobs by snatching at the hem of his coat and burying his facein it until he was near-suffocating.

A mere four feet away, unnoticed by the distraught younger Ego, his herostirred.

#youtube #jacksepticeye #fanfiction #youtube fanfiction #dr schneeplestein #jackieboy man #major character injury #whump #angst #feels for days #hurt comfort #jackistein #i live for queerplatonic jackieboy and schneep #i'm sorry #answered ask #Anonymous

155 notes · View notes