#I'll EVENTUALLY come back here

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

rough day...

#i might come back and color this. Eventually.... #scribbled this after a busy day of lots of moving things into storage and hauling boxes around #i felt a bit like a workhorse! #at some point i sat down on the uhaul w/ my water and thought. Wow. How Does Eddie Manage #poor guy deserves a break... #he needs a day off smh #i mean the neighborhood would fall apart w/o him probably but still. he needs a vacation! #he works too hard! someone tell him to prioritize himself for once! #scribble garnish #welcome home #welcome home puppet show #welcome home fanart #eddie dear #alrighty well its 12 am i need to get up in less than 6 hours and i still have Several Things To Do before i can sleep! #so! queuing this and getting those last chores done #wait fuck. what where they #well! i'll remember when i get up to do them! probably! #yknow 7 hours into tomorrow's drive im gonna be like OH FUCK I FORGOT THE [insert task here] #oh. shit did i eat dinner? hm... im not gonna be ready for breakfast when i wake up #so i might as well add 'quick cup of noodles' onto tonight's Before-Sleep list.... #im rambling! sorry! #anyway i have Much affection for eddie! somebody get him a spa day and some shiny new stamps!!!

[every-sanji]

its become relevant while i'm queuing posts tonight so...

no nuance pick one

#not sanji #housekeeping #i knew this would come up eventually but augh here we are #if yes wins i'll go back to 451 and grab the panels with him but otherwise #god who knows where he went <- hasnt read thriller bark in like 10 years

[tennessoui]

saw someone rec one of my wips as a good story but incomplete and abandoned and now i wanna spite update it >:(

#kit to kit #im still here im just n another room of the party i'll come back to that fic room eventually!!

[vigrotter]

So like, is there ANY updates on Adon 2? Anything?

#at dead of night #adon #i posted so much abt it my hashtag tag in here has it prepared already #it knows I'll come back eventually #after what two or something years

[perenial]

so uh. im dropping my phd

#gene.txt #i just had a meeting w one of my supervisors and they were like buddy. ur not having a good time are u #(i am definitely not) #and honestly im.....feeling ok? like yeah a huge part of my identity is tied to being an academic but its not healthy #i might come back eventually and i'll probs end up writing some little articles here and there #but rn i physically and emotionally cant handle a full doctorate course load #its all a bit anticlimactic tbh i was expecting to cry but i just kinda knew the moment that meeting started that i was done #so yeah. thats it. im PHinisheD 👍

[nagasthia]

redesigning my vania pony from some time ago

#I cannot say there will be something decent here in quite some time #I am simply not feeling well #my art is not bringing me any joy at all #I'm sorry #I'll come back eventually #bye #ninjago #ninjago vania

[hopeswriting]

Haven't seen you online lately. I hope you're doing well! And if you aren't, I'm sending you much courage and kindness.

Good luck!

hi muffin, thanks for checking in! <3 and yeah, i sure haven't been online at all lately. sorry i said i'd try to come back on here and then very much didn't zercfgdfg. 😭

i've been doing fine tho, no worries! i just can't seem to bring myself to be online again for some reason lol, which sucks because i really miss being on here and miss you guys and talking to you. but, well, it's what it is for now. i don't feel like forcing the issue so we'll just have to wait and see.

i hope everyone's been doing well as well? how about you muffin? i hope you all stay safe and healthy and take care of yourselves guys! 💖

#asks #loneliestmuffin #hi guys #i'm still alive and gone atm but i don't plan to leave lol #will still very much be back eventually #but i might not be here as often as before once i do tbh #i think what's been blocking me is the idea i'd have to be online as much as before once i come back #but at this point it's clearly not happening lol so yeah #for now i'll just try to drop by here here and now at the very least! #and also maybe get my queue running again we'll see

[causticsunshine]

wanted to share the sentiment here too but didn't feel like rewriting the whole thing lmao so here are some Thoughts i had last night on twt regarding my weird relationship with my art whilst being in fandom:

i know i've definitely talked about this kind of thing in the past but it's been a very recent development that i actually understand what's been going on with me and why i've picked up this habit of letting a fandom i'm in / a piece of media i'm really into fully dictate my creative drive. like, just because i'm very interested or invested in something, it doesn't mean i necessarily feel inspired by it or inspired by it for the duration that it holds my interest, and forcing myself to create relative art or fic or what have you for the vested interest(s) has both dampened my desire to be creative as well as my imagination. i know a lot of people can be super into something or a few random things at once and that can keep them going for ages without them running out of ideas, but in my case, things that hold my interest aren't always synonymous with my creativity and i'm just now learning that despite how obvious it seems!

i also imagine i'm not the only person who functions like this but i personally haven't seen it spoken about very often (if it even needs to idk), so i wanted to bring it up / talk about it a little bit :)

#art things #alex talks #if you've been following me for awhile or at least saw this coming before i did: does it not at all seem obvious lmao #i think the guilt i was feeling for so long over it being my 'obligation' as an artist in any fandom to only cater to fandom was also #exacerbated by some kind of impostor syndrome like... wait why is this so easy for other people also into x but not me? #makes sense now why i seem to lose steam so fast when i'm making work for one thing at a time only #i need to spice it up!! even if i come back to something eventually i can't force it! #thank u adhd my behated for another extension of my executive dysfunction but i guess #i will learn to work with it :) shedding the guilt has been the hardest part and ik i'll still struggle at times to be inspired or feel #like i need to be doing something specific to cater to other people rather than go with what drives me at the moment but #that's ok! that's life! #here's to me making a lot more art / general creative stuff 🫡 i hope the utter randomness of what i have in store #appeases at least one other person 🫶 #sidenote 1d fics will still be eventually finished but 1d art.... we'll have to see bc of the ipad wipe :') #also haven't been in the mood for awhile tbh! been into another stuff and less generally hyperfixated (thank god) #anyway onto better days and more creation!!

[meownotgood]

my myethos aki scale figure was finally delivered but I cannot admire him until I get off of work... the excitement... I can't handle it...

#my heart is poundingggg #I'm not sure if I said this on here but #I actually bought another one lol #so I preordered and paid for one already #but then they changed the release date back to february and #I saw a listing go up for the figure at a really good price... so I just snatched it #when my other aki eventually comes I'll probably give it to a friend #I needed my aki asap ok #he's gonna look so good on my shelf guhhhhh #screaming and crying #I'll take lots of pics of him

[moe-broey]

Also I was SO fucking right about this. I was on the fucking money.

Some not even half baked like it's batter. Snippet from a daydream that I lost like immediately 🧍

#feh #for the record also i haven't revisited book 3 At All so gustav (esp alive gustav) is NOT fresh in my mind #in fact a lot of times i'm actively ignoring him. yes i have his dod alt unfortunately (color sharing w alfonse who i +10ed) #yes i did get him randomly i think free summon (standard dead version). yes i do pick him apart frequently #but because to pick alfonse apart you kind of HAVE to go back to gustav. man did a number on his son and it shows #i actually really don't wanna go back and see how he treats sharena esp after how much i've come to love her too #i'll kill that man again. #eventually sometime i do wanna revisit book 3 though i've probably forgotten. a lot. #still. fuck gustav all my homies hate gustav #i am gustav's number one hater. #unfortunately also before that tangent yes i do also make him silly. not in an endearing way i hope #just like. if he HAS to be here. i have to make it funny. #or just incredibly devastating. no in between #fe gustav #sharena #fe alfonse

[carnation-damnation]

A hiatus, or semi-hiatus, of sorts.

Trigger warnings for cancer and parental death.

#My mother is dying. #Shes been in pain for quite a while #but everythings come to a head in the last few months because of developing cancer that we were completely blindsided by #and now its almost entirely too late #I dont know how much time I have with her. theres still that slim possibility that she could bounce back but it isnt looking that way. #what does this mean for me on here? well im not sure yet. #If youve been following for a really REALLY long time you'd know that i was around here when my father died back in 2017. #I cope with grief by distracting myself with outside stimuli and drawing. #because of the circumstances: this time is different #im not sure if i'll be on here at all or if ill be on here too much to not think about it. but eventually something will happen #and I'll need to give my attention to my family #im not posting this out to get pity or sympathy. I dont like to hear things like that. im posting this because there are #some people who i only talk to on tumblr #and I dont want to make people worry about me if I'm suddenly gone for months at a time (if this comes to pass) #if you've read this far. thank you. #personal

[you-will-return]

---

#sorry for being so afk recently #it probably won't change #i haven't had a calm moment since mid-December and it's starting to gnaw at my brain #and now the only irl place where I felt somewhat happy is falling apart bc of in-group-politics #it's so annoying #can't we just all breathe for a second? #can't everyone stop being passive aggressive assholes to each other for FIVE FUCKING MINUTES? #i don't want to pick sides #i don't want this stupid group to break apart #something has been feeling off since October and last week my friend and I finally put our finger on it #and BOY figuring it out has.not.helped. #meanwhile all I've been doing has been watching old races from the 90s #bc the only thing that makes my brain shut up at the moment is cars going vroom in a circle for 1.5hrs apparently #every irl interaction atm feels like walking on egg shells #and the only thing that's stopping me from crying every time i get home is just keeping myself busy and not thinking abt my life ever #anyway my insurance has blocked me from therapy for the next 3 years so that's great #.....i don't want to come on here and just complain but nothing has been going right recently. #maybe i'll be back to normal eventually but not at the moment #not for a while

[pekoeboo]

hhh i've had like. no drive to work on any art or writing projects. ;n; my heart is still so invested in the stories and characters I've created, but the motivation to take those feelings and put it into some form of content is next to nil. i don't know why it's been like that but it's kinda sad :c

don't get me wrong - i'm happy with most of the things i've created lately, but it's also been this strange game of doubt and comparison going on in my head when it comes to actually sharing what I make. there are a lot of pieces of art and writing that i just haven't posted because i feel like it's not in a place where it's good enough for anyone other than myself. the idea of editing and actually finishing some projects so that i can make sense of them online is overwhelming even tho i would love to just... get some of those ideas out for anyone who might be interested in hearing about them, you know?

anyway. probably just need to let myself take some kind of break?? idk what that would really entail at this point tho. it's just been a weird mental state that I need to work out i guess.

#so like. not quite a hiatus but some Secret Other Thing #i'm hoping the motivation to actually finish projects and share them will come back to me #but right now i think i need to either just focus on drawing or writing stuff without any intention of sharing it #or maybe i shouldn't draw/write at all for a while instead #but i'd still love to talk about the characters and stories with y'all?? #unfortunately that really only seems to work best within like personal messages between friends or whatever #i've tried posting random content about characters on here but it feels weird without any art to go along with it #(like when i wrote that post about khalan's backstory that one time) #so i just dont talk about them at all outside of that because i can't tell if ppl would actually want to hear about them #and even if ppl do i have no idea where to start without any prompts or specific questions to build off of kdjfg #anyway #i'm rambling now oops #dont know what the point of this post is but i'll probably delete it eventually #my ramblings #text post

[gentlethorns]

okay i'm struggling again

#she bork #tbd #idk i'll be fine life is just very mean and unfair and worst of all ordinary and dull. i go to work i come home i do nothing worthwhile. #weekends are never long enough and i never get to cram enough into them to enjoy myself. if life was mean but also generous and glamorous i #could maybe put up w it bc for every low there would be a high but it's not. it's just mean and you hit that low and then instead of it #being followed by a high you just end up on a plateau and eventually you hit another low. god i just don't think i was supposed to live in #this ordinary boring tedious life like i'm not made for it. not in a pretentious arrogant way but in a way that's like i'm going fucking #crazy like i have cabin fever but w my life rather than my environment (which tbh maybe they come down to one and the same). idk sometimes i #want to just blow up my life and go somewhere else and do something else and have fun and not feel so weighted down by responsibilities and #bills and worry about money specifically. like i was miserable in high school but now i think i look back on it fondly bc 1. no true #responsibilities or high stakes and/but 2. the stakes always FELT high like i was CONSTANTLY up and down and euphoric and depressed. not #healthy at all but it always felt like something was HAPPENING and now it just doesn't. i have always though that bored was the worst thing #to be and now here i am all the time it feels like. bored. #and again at the root of everything is that life is mean. mean mean mean. sometimes shit just HAPPENS that's bad and fucks you over and #there's nothing you can do about it. and again if there was something guaranteed to make up for it that would be fine but there's not. you #just have to recover and let it go and move on. and i'm not good at that

[torgawl]

this week's episode was pretty set on confirming a few of our suspections were true like tianchen impersonating his sister and cheng xiaoshi being in lu guang's body at the end of the last episode. to me the thing i'm most curious about is tianchen's ability. is he actually red eyes? red eyes from last season could use their ability though photos but the tianchen we personally know controlls people through touch. having the ability to control multiple people (or two, specifically) simultaneously, which is something quite interesting. unless he can use his technique in two different ways, which we haven't seen any ability user do so far, this feels really odd and i'm starting to think the siblings having red eyes was simply a detail to throw us off?! maybe this doesn't make sense but you know how cxs has brown eyes but his eyes change colour while using his ability? why wouldn't tianchen's eyes change colour if he was the one possessing other people's bodies? and the way his eyes glow in the final scene with lu-guang... is that to show he's evil or is that a sign he's using his ability? but then how? because he was just talking to lu guang in his own body and lu guang wasn't under his influence, right? i'm very confused about him and his relationship with qian jin

#i wonder if lg being in excruciating pain at the end is because he feels the effects of cxs' #actions in the present since cxs doesn't seem to be impaired by lg's injured while possessing him :o #also lg's password has to mean something feels like a date no idea what it might be but we will probably eventually find out right shsjsh #to be honest i think the thing that made me go wow the most today was learning past and present keep repeating in a loop #so far we've only experienced time (i think may be wrong don't remember) linearly so having that confirmed is pretty cool #although i do think the cliff hanger at the end with the officer doesn't mean anything it might be an hint that the time line will be #messed up eventually? how does that play into what happened in the past then will it origin a multiverse? time travel things are #confusing man 😂 #i don't remember if i had more thoughts about the episode or not i'm pretty tired so i'll leave it here #please ignore me i just like to keep track of my thoughts to come back to when we discover new things shsjsh #oh oh something else. at the hospital the person that gives the photo i feel so certain that was the girl not the boy #i still think she's trying to save her brother i really want to know about her more as well AAAAAA #so excited for future episodes #okay bye i finished #link click

[shinuchi-ulti]

What Color is your Aura

~Lemon Yellow~

Your unique charm makes you stand out no matter where you go.

You like to hang out with people. Your whole body itches to go out if you stay at home. Meeting and socializing with people is how you replenish energy.

You're cheerful, but also compassionate and warm. You take good care of others around you.

Being free-spirited, you can't stand strict rules and regulations.

Your tender heart gets hurt easily, but the hurt doesn't last long. Your positive outlook on life allows you to be resilient and return to your positive self in no time.

tagged by @wanohime thank you! steal it from me y'all

#rp dash game #shinuchi-ulti #aaah im still lurking around here #eventually i'll come back full swing djaljla