#Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern-

[maitretmaitresse]

     Out of Money

           Rest assured, if Crazy Frog had been out in the early 90s, Bea would have stripped to it

#how you may ask #sheer determination #ʜʏᴘᴏᴄʀɪᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏᴀᴅʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴇʙʀɪᴀᴛᴇ -Crack- #it's not crack #ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟs ɢᴇᴛ ᴄʀᴇᴅɪᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ -Headcanon- #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern-

[maitretmaitresse]

FULL NAME: Beatrice Robert and Pierre Thenardier

OTHER NAMES: Bea, Easy Berry, G.I. Bastard TITLE: none AGE: main are 42 and 45 GENDER: female and  male respectively SEXUALITY: hetero and bisexual, p sex positive either way

ORIGIN: france CURRENT LOCATION: france (most verses) NATIONALITY: french SPOKEN LANGUAGES: french, english, pierre speaks the tiniest bit of spanish RELIGION: not baptized, athiests

HEIGHT:  5′1″, 6′3″ BODY TYPE: slight hourglass, ectomorph EYES: light brown, gray-blue HAIR: bleach blonde, badly dyed; ginger naturally, dyed black TATTOOS: Bea has a butterfly on her lower back, a kiss on her ass, a heart on her ankle, and another that I refuse to type in anything that isn’t below a read-more. Pierre has an entire right sleeve and most of his back done. PIERCINGS: Bea has her ears done twice - once in cartelidge, once in the lobe - and a tongue ring she stopped wearing after she had Ponine. Pierre had a stud in his right ear until he married Bea. SCARS: bea’s got a couple from having Ponine. Pierre’s got a few on his back of indeterminate origin.

EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND: public school; Bea didn’t graduate, Pierre just barely scraped through with a high school diploma. DRUGS: Pierre had a problem with script drugs after the war which briefly turned into heroin, they both smoke tabacco like it’s going out of style, and occasionally get lit 24/7 blaze it  ATHLETIC: They were both pretty in shape when they were younger, but middle age settled in without either of them doing much about it.  HOBBIES: They both go dancing. Bea likes to read trash boddice rippers, and she does still sew. Pierre plays cards, darts, basically whatever you can do in the back room of a bar. VIRGIN: Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa no

FAVORITE DRINK: Gin; whiskey FAVORITE FOOD: chinese takeout; pork belly. FAVORITE MUSIC: heavy metal, 80s pop, hair metal, hard rock, early rap CLOTHING STYLE: punkish, leather, thrift store not really chic. They both dress really trashy, wore things that were ripped before/during/after they were instyle. Ngl, they both had a phase where they wore safety pins as earrings.

TAGGED BY: @princeandrci the darling <3 TAGGING: @pontificalandwarlike @slumberingscarlet and co  @deathreflected @granxaire @quidprcquo @xgelidus and whoever wants to do the thing

#i took andrei's model and did this modern whoops #ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟs ɢᴇᴛ ᴄʀᴇᴅɪᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ -Headcanon- #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴇᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ -Queue-

[maitretmaitresse]

@bonhcmme If you thought I wasn’t gonna continue this I don’t know what to tell you - x

         Pierre, by contrast, was high, but that wasn’t really much of a surprise. His girlfriend in a misguided fit of love was trying to get him off the scripts for good – and for some reason, the best way to fix one drug problem was with another. She meant well, but the man was somehow more insufferable mellow than he was strung up.

                          “Nah man…” he began, switching over to the next video in some conspiracy nutter’s favorite’s list. “G-ment’s not competent enough to cover aliens up.”

           The royalty-free music started playing over the next grainy photo of an alien autopsy from the 80’s – aliens looked remarkably like painted, half-butchered pigs.

                            “You know what is real though?” He turned over, his lined wide-set eyes both bloodshot and dead serious.

                            “The Reptilian overlords.”

#bonhcmme #one day #one day I will have modern icons #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴇᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ -Queue- #should prolly mark this as crack but not gonnaaaaaaaa #drug mention tw

[maitretmaitresse]

            @quidprcquo from x

             “Yeah, I feel tha’ way sometimes.” Pierre leaned over the counter, swabbing out a glass with a rag which appeared to be making the dust situation far worse.

             “But’cha know ‘ow women is, nothin’ t’be done about it really.”

       The disaster-relief deserving building which was the bar was lively, considering the season. But then, the kind of clientele that Thénardier attracted probably weren’t the sort that stayed home for Christmas. Snow fell outside, only to be quickly crushed beneath boot and ground into the gasoline and grime that infested Paris side-streets.

             “’Side’s live with it.” He finished his vague rambling, smirking as he watched the woman he loved bounce around the room, presenting to customers in a way which inspired jealousy in him, but only to the extent that the pair were used to.

#quidprcquo #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴇᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ -Queue- #this is so stupid late i am do sorry omfg

[maitretmaitresse]

@monsterparnasse continued from x

                                “My twelve year old’s got a better father’an I ever did,” he replied lazily, without a hint of remorse. “’Nd as I told Babet, if y’want an act y’gotta pay for it.”

              A sack full of electronics fell onto the chair beside ‘Nasse – everything from old ipods to new google phones which were somehow worth less than the nano’s.

                                “It’s all there. Feel free t’check.”

#if i may <3 #monsterparnasse #vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴇᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ -queue- #iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -modern- #here have an irritated pierre #and icons that i can't be bothered to make modern

[maitretmaitresse]

❝why are you following me?❞

                   Questioning, Officer? Me? - Accepting

             “Christ,ya only had t’say it once.” The sentence may have expressed annoyance, but thethin smirk suggested amusement. “I’d almost say yer up t’somethin’ with thattone. You never learn t’speak politely t’yer elders?”

     It took everyfiber of his being not to say “betters” – one must applaud the man for his restraint.

     As to the question, it had a reasonablysimple answer – he wasn’t. Not one for honesty, though, he was willing towheedle any information out of the bastard that he could. He did, after all,have the police’s information on speed dial, lest he have to teach some rivalgang a lesson. Or earn some more money for that damn bike ‘Ponine keptpestering him about.

     Some poncyanarchists? He didn’t know how much he’d win for that, but it might finally beenough for that stupid basket.

             “Why d’youthink I’m followin’ you?”

#pontificalandwarlike #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #idk modern's an informant have fun enjy #Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴇᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ -Queue-

[maitretmaitresse]

❝ it’s hiiiiiiigh noon . ❞ // i couldn't resist

               Contrariwise - Accepting

         "Ohshut up," Pierre grumbled in irritation, pulling the absurd child's cowboyhat lower on his brow. "It wosn't my choice, Bea gotta do the costumesthis year."

     To say the manwas whipped was an understatement - but then, he probably deserved it, for thesexy nun outfit he made Beatrice squeeze into last Halloween. It was impossibleto tell whether was more mortified, or the guests around her, which lead to theinfamous blue gin incident, and well -

     The Thénardiers didn’t'speak of the clergy any longer.

               "Be glad ya ain't a horse," she chimed in unhelpfully,climbing off the moped they'd arrived on. "Ya deserve it, anyhow."

     She still pulledhim down for a kiss, cheap lipstick marking a red ring on his cheek. He rolledhis eyes, but couldn't quite wipe the smirk from his thin lips.

     A bit moreeffort had gone into her costume, but that could be marked down to the factthat it all came out of her old burlesque closet - right down to the twin starswhich used to be pasties, and which were now thankfully glued onto a checkeredcardigan serving as a bra.

               "Where's your girl, Josh? Thought'chu were bringing hert'night."

#bountyman #ᴛᴏ ꜰʟᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ɪs ᴛᴏ sʟᴀɴᴅᴇʀ -Answered Asks- #here have a halloween thread in the middle of fucking november idk #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern-

[maitretmaitresse]

                 @omnivitia Continued from x

                    “I don’t think that hot pockets’re gonna help yer stomach somehow.” Pierre was a garbage disposal when it came to food – between years of his own inedible cooking and his girlfriend’s somehow worse skills, it was stunning he’d never put himself in the hospital with food poisoning. But hot pockets did not for a happy hangover make.

               He passed the man to open the fridge and returned with two ginger ales. They were Beatrice’s and he’d probably catch hell for it in the morning, but damned if he cared at three in the morning. He twisted one open and threw the other vaguely in ‘Nasse’s direction with the knowledge that it wouldn’t be caught.

                     “Give that a shot.”

#omnivitia #Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴇᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ -Queue- #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #alcohol mention tw

[maitretmaitresse]

Continued from x @omnivitia

“Just browsing or are you being serious?” Montparnasse asked, cautiously glancing around before pulling out a painstakingly assembled catalog-style notebook as well as several knives he had on his person.

He laid out the notebook to one side, the knives on the other, pointing to the knives first. “Most of what I can get you are going to be butterfly knives and karambits. Karambits are technically legal, but if the police see it they’ll still confiscate it.

“I honestly like them better: they’re easier to clean since there’s no moving parts and they’re really easy to hold while fighting. Just swing it like you’re gonna deal a right hook and even if they jump back to avoid the punch you’ll still rip their throat open with this.” As he spoke, he picked up one of the blades, wickedly curved like a cat’s claw with a ring on the far end from the blade. Sliding his thumb into the ring, he positioned the knife so that the back of the blade ran next to his wrist and forearm, the curve arcing outward in a vicious hook.

He set it down again and turned to the notebook. “I keep this because a lot of the other stuff I have is took bulky for me to carry around or would draw too much attention. Smoke and frag grenades, body armor, police issue pistols, assault rifles, sniper rifles–recently got my hands on a  Venom Tactical for that one. It’s considered one of the best on the market worldwide.”

                   Thénardier only smirked as an answer to his opposite’s – admittedly legitimate – query. It wouldn’t make a difference to Montparnasse either way, since he’d see them whether he liked it or not. That said, he was on business, not pleasure.

                   Thank god for that, as drink and knives rarely mixed well.

                   Unable to keep his hands to himself as ever, he picked up one of the butterfly knives with a low whistle. He’d seen better, obviously – owned better too – but they were pretty little things. And, more importantly for his purposes, highly intimidating to those that knew nothing about blades. Intimidation was the name of today’s game, and a little work with a butterfly or switchblade would be more than enough.

                                         “Don’t worry yourself ‘bout that nonsense, ‘Nasse, ‘m only lookin’ for toys.”

                    It’d been a while since he held anything more than a gun, and it showed – but he was able to pull a few tricks with the knife. The bolts were all secure enough – though he would have tightened them, himself.

                                          “’Ponine’s birthday’s comin’ up. Girl’s already fourteen, can ya believe it?” Obviously he couldn’t, by the way he shook his head. “She needs t’carry somethin’ more than that weakass mace she keeps buyin’, understand?”

#omnivitia #Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴇᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ -Queue- #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #knife tw

[maitretmaitresse]

if you think that modern thenardier doesn’t know how to square dance u need to think again

#ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴡ ᴅᴏᴇs ɴᴏᴛ sᴛʀɪᴋᴇ ᴀᴛ -Out of Character- #ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟs ɢᴇᴛ ᴄʀᴇᴅɪᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ -Headcanon- #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #-has flashbacks to the horrific middle school massacre known as 'square dance o rama' #i still cry

[maitretmaitresse]

              Out of Money

              {Modern Pierre has a pet ferret and if you don’t think he does you can fite me}

#meta tag pending #ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴡ ᴅᴏᴇs ɴᴏᴛ sᴛʀɪᴋᴇ ᴀᴛ -Out of Character- #ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀʟs ɢᴇᴛ ᴄʀᴇᴅɪᴛ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇᴍ -Headcanon- #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #i don't know why this warranted a post #but it did

[maitretmaitresse]

"Why am i just hearing about this?"

                   I can’t find this fucking meme I’m sorry - Not Accepting

                       "'Cause I had more important things to do than tell someone 'oowosn't even s'pposed t'be involved, damnit."

           The robberran a hand through his mess of curls, an air of exasperation around him thatrarely ran through him. He was pallid, deep circles beneath his eyes. They werebloodshot, but not with drink. Stress was not a look that Thénardier wore well.It was nearly surreal to watch one of Paris' most notorious criminalsdissolving before one's own eyes, crushed into powder by his own blunder.

           He wasn'tthe one suffering, though - if he was the only one affected, he'd be hunkereddown - drinking in some hole while he figured out a way to clear his dubiousname.

           No, hewasn't the one to be arrested for the heist - it was Beatrice.

           The Thénardiessewasn't exactly an innocent - after all, she knew that her husband was planningon robbing the jewelry store that night several weeks ago. She'd encouraged it,since their anniversary was coming up and that was probably her best chance ata present. But unlike the hypothetical gift, she wasn't present at the botchedrobbery.

            And yet,she was the one in jail, awaiting a trial that they kept trying to put offuntil they could find a lawyer in Paris who would still deal with them.

            Sadly,their reputation preceded them somewhat.

                       "Look, 'Nasse. I wouldn't ask you for nothin' if it wos me. Hell, Iwouldn't ask yeh if she'd done this to 'erself. But it ain't like that."

            A deep,regretful sigh as the man relinquished what was left of his pride.

                         "Two hundred euro.That's all we need t'get out've this. I'll pay y'back b'fore you know it, God'smy honor."

#omnivitia #and this #ladies and gentlemen #is the closest I'll get to angst on this account #Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴇᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ -Queue- #ᴛᴏ ꜰʟᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ɪs ᴛᴏ sʟᴀɴᴅᴇʀ -Answered Asks- #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern-

[maitretmaitresse]

Pierre, shuffling through a stack of condoms: "Expired, expired, expired... Should we just have a baby?"

Beatrice, brushing out her hair: "I guess."

#incorrect les mis quotes #les miserables #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #ʜʏᴘᴏᴄʀɪᴛᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛᴏᴀᴅʏ ᴀɴᴅ ɪɴᴇʙʀɪᴀᴛᴇ -Crack- #but is it really crack #i mean #this is absolutely how modern ponine was concieved

[maitretmaitresse]

“Wait, you’ve really never been on a date before?”

      We are making the rounds with this one aren’t we - Accepting

              Pierre shook his head, staring up at the stars. They’d run away from New York a month ago and were officially settling down in their new Connecticut appartment. “Not really, cause we spent so much time trying to hide... Doesn’t have to be a big deal, maybe just get some burgers or something?”

#intoxicatiing #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #Vɪᴄᴛᴏʀʏ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇʀsᴇᴠᴇʀɪɴɢ -Queue- #ᴛᴏ ꜰʟᴀᴛᴛᴇʀ ɪs ᴛᴏ sʟᴀɴᴅᴇʀ -Answered Asks-

[maitretmaitresse]

❛ Very deep. You should send that in to the Reader’s Digest. They’ve got a page for people like you. ❜ (ferocioushonesty, for either though it seems more fitting for monsieur)

❛ the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy ❜ sentence starters - Accepting

@ferocioushonesty

             "Always thought’ve myself’s somethingof a poet in my spare time.“ Came the equally dry retort, legs kicked backunceremoniously on the officer’s long-suffering table. "But informing paysthe bills better.”

    The manila foldercurrently serving as a headrest for the petty criminal held everything fromaliases to the business expenses of one of the largest drug rings in Paris.

    This Thenardierwas repulsive - made of fewer morals than most of the rats which ran rampant inthe sewers and with worse hygiene. But he was reliable in his information, andthough most officers held suspicions of his holding out on them, the notes hekept were doubtlessly more valuable than the potential drop in crime if theytook him in.

             "Which brings us t’t'days business,if I’m not mistaken.“

    His boots fell tothe ground as he switched positions, instead leaning over the table andsweeping aside the dust and rocks he’d introduced to the environment.

              "Last month brought in what,fifteen? Twenty men?”

    A crude, nearlyunnerving smirk.

             "I could double it with just thislittle bundle. I’d say that’s worth’t least 500 euros, eh?“

#Sɪᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀsᴇʟꜰ ᴅᴏᴡɴ -anon- #Oɴʟʏ ɢᴏʟᴅ ᴄᴀɴ ᴄᴜʀᴇ -In-Character- #starters #ɪɴꜰᴇᴄᴛɪᴏᴜsɴᴇss ᴏꜰ ᴄʀɪᴍᴇ -Meme- #ferocioushonesty #Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern-

[maitretmaitresse]

@themadandthebroken

            “Follow the ball sir, just like that, eyes on the prize!” Cried the street performer, standing behind his fold-out table and eyes watching anywhere but his own hands. Round and round the cups spun, not leaving the betting man before him a moment to realize the ball was now in Pierre’s pocket.

        His own eyes, instead, followed his wife’s as she strolled through the crowd. Her own pockets were being weighed down with new trinkets and wallets, making the cargo pants much more sensible than they would be under normal circumstances.

              “Ah, ‘m sorry sir, better luck next time!” He gave a smarmy grin when the poor man inevitably lost and even more men lined up to took his place. Pierre was untrustworthy, painfully sleazy, but he was undeniably charismatic – and he would use it to his every advantage.

#Iᴅɪᴏᴛs ᴅʀᴜɴᴋᴀʀᴅs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇɴ -Modern- #themadandthebroken