#I would love to be worried over nothing

[emjee]

Calling all of the cat geniuses who helped out turnpikeghosts with her cat callout post, anyone have any ideas as to why my cat, who normally happily eats wet food, is suddenly refusing to eat anything except her crunchy dry food? I did get in touch with my vet who’s having me give her Miralax in churus (which I can still get her to eat) but this has been going on all week and she’s my first cat and my anxiety is not doing me any favors.

Cat tax be upon ye!

#I feel so silly #I would love to be worried over nothing #but my brain won’t let itself be convinced #it’s spring shedding season here for what it’s worth #I brush her every day #cats #kitty advice request

[pybun]

sometimes i wonder if the "general audience" would like tatters more if he wasnt fat

#i will never slim him down #it would be heart breaking but also not big suprise if slimmer is what ppl like more. that is the reality #altho even if he was slimmer he still looks too goofy to be simped over like the likes of miguel o hara or some tumblr sexyman #i made him to cater to me #this isnt a rant but just shower thoughts #nothing serious #please do not worry #tatters is perfect as he is and others loving him is a rite of passage to tatters enjoyers club with the current member of 5 people

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

when yuuji and megumi finally got together, what were everyone’s reactions? like inumaki and panda obviously threatened yuuji in the most nonsensical way possible but what about gojo and nanami and the others? like finally seeing their little boy grow up to be old enough to date and immediately going for the worst possible candidate in a lot of people’s minds *cough—the zenin—cough*.

if gojo was on the verge of a mental breakdown from just giving Megumi The Talk, i can’t imagine just how hard it hit him that his little sea urchin was growing up so fast.

What must be understood is that the second years have been following their relationship from its inception like it’s their favorite soap opera. Maki clocked it when Megumi tried to kill Kamo Noritoshi with an elephant over him and all of them have been overly invested in it since. Those are their beloved kohais. They’re both so stupid and vulnerable. Like idiot babies. They want them to be happy idiot babies who hold hands.

Yuuta would fight special grade curses with one hand and text Maki with the other to find out if they were dating yet and maki would text back “no but they each killed a special grade and megumi has a domain expansion now” and Yuuta would text back “what am I MISSING”. Inumaki thought if they gave them nine years or so megumi would work himself up to a hand graze and Yuuta would freak out because they don’t have that kind of TIME. Panda texted Yuuta in a panic weeks after everyone else figured it out to tell him that he thinks megumi and the kid who’s sukunas vessel like each other and Yuuta had to pretend to be surprised as if the entire matter was not giving him stress sweats from Africa.

The unofficial reaction was that maki sent a gif of a ship coming into port into the group chat and everyone celebrated like it was new years and the ball had just dropped because thank fuck it finally happened.

As a side note, the second years all consider themselves parents of three and are only half joking about that fact. It’s so hard raising teens. The little shits keep fighting things. None of them have any social skills. All three of them are completely feral. They’re pretty sure nobara bit a purse snatcher the last time they went out into the city.

But that was the unofficial reaction. They can’t tell Megumi or Yuuji about that.

Yuuta actually gets a call from Megumi to tell him that he has a boyfriend, and he had to pretend like all this was news to him as if he had not spent the past three months more invested in this than anything in his own life. Yuuta told him that he was happy for him, and that he couldn't wait to meet Yuuji, and lived in blissful ignorance about the fact that Yuuji screamed into his own pillow for twenty minutes that night because Megumi came and told him that Okkotsu-senpai was important to him and he'd like it if they got to know each other.

Maki started a campaign of teasing Megumi about his new boyfriend, because she sort of loves giving her little nephew shit. Megumi wonders why life has to be this hard.

Inumaki and Panda had already given Yuuji the shovel talk (it was part of what made Yuuji realize he was completely in love with Megumi) and had a stunningly moving congratulations and dating advice speech for Yuuji that featured a power point presentation.

Its moving nature was slightly impacted by the fact that Inumaki gave it.

Inumaki patted him manfully on the back, and Panda gave him a brotherly hair ruffle, and Yuuji continued to be confused as to what the hell was up with the second years.

The issue with Gojo is that they can never tell when he's taking the piss or if he's being genuine. Like, Gojo loves giving him a hard time. It's a classic "Fushiguro is getting hit on" conundrum. Is he actually devastated that his little boy is growing up or is he just doing it to fuck with them?

Megumi insists that he's doing it to be an idiot and refuses to speak to him for days, which does not help with all the weeping.

Whatever the case, it's enough to annoy Nanami, because he keeps agonizing over how his baby was swept up by some jock who was going to steal his sweetness and Nanami would take offense on Yuuji's behalf because Itadori Yuuji is a gentleman and a delightful young man and Gojo should be glad that Megumi is dating someone like him.

Megumi wonders why life has to be this hard sometimes.

Nanami is just happy for them both and gives them both private congratulations wherein he tells them that he's glad they have each other and that they are good together. He is the most normal of them all.

#sea glass gardens #nobara just suffers because nothing lgbtq has happened to her recently and she has to witness all of this #it's right in front of her salad #she's disgustingly codependent with yuuji and megumi so she's on half their dates with them #she has to be there every time yuuji has a crisis over God's perfect man Okkotsu Yuuta #Yuuji: *doing facemasks and cuticle care with nobara* and THEN he told me that Okkotsu's /important/ to him. important! #Nobara: i thought this would end when you got exclusive smooching rights to fushiguro #Yuuji: don't call it that #Nobara: what are you worry okkotsu's gonna smooch him too #Yuuji: megumi said it's never been like that between them #Nobara: so what are you /worried/ about #Yuuji: i don't know! the universe bends to give him everything i love. everything! maybe /i/ just wanted to be the one important to him #nobara: are you an idiot. don't answer that. i already know the answer is yes. #Yuuji: can we stay on task here #Nobara: fushiguro has the bad taste to let you stick your tongue down his throat. you already /are/ important to him. #yuuji: but i'm not the universe's favorite being /okkotsu yuuta/ #Nobara: god you just do not deserve the homosexuality happening to you

[thebirdandhersong]

am I simply............. to be an educational pit stop and temporarily necessary mental/emotional/spiritual support for the men I love for all time?? like yes the two boys I've loved in my life I DID love with all my heart however the first only started reading the Bible regularly and investing in his church community after I broke up with him (these were things I kept suggesting while we dated, but which he brushed off and didn't take seriously) and now it's looking like I am an emotional bookmark for the second. like I'm in between one page of his life and the next, and am helping him process and am teaching him how to deal with his emotions properly, but what I'm doing for him is literally all that I will be to him, and he likely won't remember me when I move out of the dorm and graduate.

#i DO love him i DO want to help him #however i do wonder why he's chosen to confide in me. why he asked me to keep him accountable for something #that by all rights was his responsibility and his own romantic business #he IS young and he IS kind of immature in this area and i get why he asked me. i really do. he was afraid and i'm his friend. #but anywayyyyy this has been a TIME #i am trying not to be like well why is it my job to better these men #not to give myself too much credit LOLLLLL it's not like i'm drastically shaping them in any way shape or form #it's just. i know how much attention and hidden care and worry and affection and consideration i put into all of this #i too would like to experience it the other way around #where i am not the only one who is paying attention to these things and wanting to support and care for and watch over the other person #not that i'm doing anything with the expectation of reciprocity. goodness no i'm not stupid enough to expect anything now #but it would be really nice. REALLY NICE. to not be giving and giving and giving #and then going back to my room and then crying my eyes out because it feels like it's either all for nothing or has no weight to the boy #the waiting room chapter

[livelybook]

I always see people say well, if Alicent had just married Helaena to Jace, the war would never have happened. And it's like the war would have absolutely happened, its akin to the waves ever falling onto the shore, its inevitable and unstoppable, all that marriage would have done was put a bandaid on a wound for a little while before everything would just explode.

I don't think there would have been any situation where Alicient would have agreed to that. If Helaena did marry Jace, she and any children born would have been used as a hostage during the war and worse than that, she would have been stuck in Dragonstone with a group of the most volatile people who despise her side of the family, what would have Rhaenrya or Daemon have done to her, an easy within reach target when Lucerys died? Would Jace even be kind to her once his brother dies?

Or let's say that the marriage had gone through and Alicient manages to make Heleana stay in Kingslanding along with the Black team and for a little while, everyone would be in an uneasy peace, forced to get along under Viserys eye and then the Black team would want something done & the Green team would need to agree for it to happen(and this something would undoubtedly not be in favour of the Greens) or if the Green team was perceived as disrepectful whether directly as one of the members doing something(an incident with the boys or Otto secretly scheming or Alicient doing her queen duties, I can just imagine Daemon seething in the background like how dare she command while in the castle of the Targaryens) or someone implying that the Green team would be better and it getting back to the Black team, they would have immediately implied a subtle threat regarding Helaena and declared their authority as the to be Queen party(well, as subtle as a hammer on an unruly nail could be) and any slight disbelieving hopes that this arrangement could actually work would be dashed and the Green team would be furious and unable to do anything about the Black team, and the moment Viserys dies, that's it for them.

And If they had managed to secure the city, the same as the show and had Helaena & any of her children as well, they'd be using them as a hostage against the Black Team too and at least with them, she'd be better treated.

And continuing with what about if Helaena had children? She'd be known to have had children with a widely suspected bastard leading to a shaky line and Daemon is right there with his two targaryen looking boys, there is no way he or even those boys or their later children would have left her and her children alone. If she had married Jace, she'd basically be terribly screwed over twice in succesion crisis in her lifetime.

Also, if Jace had married Helaena, what about Baela? Now, I really don't think Corlys would have let it go when he's been promised a Velaryon queen on the throne and has gotten so close to it after all the other times, just to only have a bastard prince. So that's basically 2 main people besides Otto in Helaena's family who would be eyeing her and her children.

Let's not forgot ofcourse, What about her brothers with their future childrens and their claims, the relationship would never be the same and I doubt that something would not be done about her children too if they were to manage win.

What kind of life would that be to be taken away from your family and placed with people who will be actively to passively hostile to you? To know your relationship with all your family side will forever be altered, that your mother wouldn't choose you and your line over your brother and you & all your children will be in danger from everyone for a very long time?

#Like I feel that marriage offer was a really shitty offer and Alicient absolutely knew that #The levels of isolation and fear Helaena would have gone through would have mirrored Alicient so much #And while she wouldn't choose Helaena over Aegon especially since Helaena's claim would be intertwined with the Black team #It doesn't mean that Alicient doesn't love her so much #That she would never put her in that kind of harm #Everyone kinda glosses over this because we're modern and there's no stigma against marrying a bastard #But Helaena would be marrying a bastard and while it was never formally acknowledged in the show #If Rhaenrya lost and had to be forced to admit that to save her life Helaena's standing #And her children's claim & royal life would all be invalidated #And Helaena's own claim to the throne would be severely diminished as well #Somehow #that marriage would make everything so much worse #anti black team #house of the dragon #heleana targaryen #alicent hightower #anti rhaenrya #anti daemon #anti viserys i targaryen #I feel like the only only person who wouldn't have a problem with this marriage among everyone's worry and refusal is Viserys #Because the way everyone says Helaena married to Jace would stop the war #is them assuming that the marriage is a one for all magic solution to everyone's problem and nothing could ever go wrong again #And the only person who would have that view in the show is Viserys #He'd be the only one smiling and being giddy at that wedding like all his problems had now disappeared

[frecklystars]

i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them #i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow #so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday #i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day #its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad #he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that #im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it #wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser #that shouldnt be normal!!!! #but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships #bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year #so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again #i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be #but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are' #but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔 #and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into #my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing #not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes #its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters #but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight #and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock #vent #ptsd #sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again #i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself #im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can #theres only so much i can do #when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal #i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything

[chill4234]

Man I love Omori and Steven Universe, on tge first watch/playthrough it’s all fun and games but on the second time around you see that foreshadowing is everywhere and it feels like being stabbed. No other piece of media does it like them.

#steven universe #omori #su #omori has an excellent plot twist that I feel bad talking about because there’s nothing like a blind playthrough #but steven universe I’m ok with discussing so uh #su spoilers #it’s not pink diamond I’m talking about it’s steven’s trauma #every time he gets hurt is another fracture line in future #every time he offers to help someone is another moment of anxiety later #and you’re powerless to stop him from hurting himself because it’s already done #the story is over #no matter how many times you rewatch again and again it will go down the same #steven will be an innocent little kid who just wants to help out the gems #only for episodes like the test to roll around and you see him taking on the role of family therapist when he’s literally just a kid #and empire city was once an episode of a kid bringing his two caretakers on vacation because he loves them and wants to spend time together #but now it’s an episode of a boy trying to fix problems he shouldn’t have to worry about because he Solves Problems #and it’s just… #he’s hurting himself and there’s nothing I can do #and there’s nothing the people around him would do anyway because he’s Steven and Steven Loves To Help #so why would they #and in the end #Steven gets hurt #and the story doesn’t change

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[hells1nfern0]

WOOOOOO EVERYONE HAPPY NOW

#hlvrai2 #hl2vrai #hlvrai #brbavrai #like this is literally what i thought what would happen like guys cmon #they love hlvrai a lot obviously #just because they wanted to do something different does not mean they would give us nothing #i hope its genuinely a good bit of new characters yknow #i guess i was worried about getting just oh its happening all over again but in a different game #i dont want that i want more than just the science team all over again #dont shit on the rtvs team because they didnt do what you want immediately #enjoy the fucking ride #smell the flowers

[archduke-enver-gortash]

posting on here is like my sisyphean boulder i'm constantly rolling tbh

#god i am trying so hard to just have fun and be myself #but when i do that i'm immediately a strange outsider creep #and since i can't really mask my version of masking is just not talking and then obviously you don’t find any joy in fandom spaces either #i will always be a shitty unlikable freak no matter how much i pretend otherwise. it was obvious from the start that getting involved in #fandom spaces was a fucking mistake. it's always a mistake because you're some laughing stock at best and a horrifying freak at worst #i don't blame people for not liking me i've realised what an awful person i am long ago #but it's always so hard witnessing something like fun social groups from the sidelines knowing you'll never be a part of it #this is why my mental state has been deteriorating so severely in the last few months. that Realisation once again nothing fucking changed #i know it's stupid to get so upset over fandom but it's only a pattern for me #i stopped trying to be friends with people when i was a teenager because it hasn't worked a single time #this attempt at integrating myself into the wotr and bg3 fandom by sharing my shit was just one mistake #gortash/zeke is so different from anybody else’s work and i wish i could find joy in something that it isn’t fucking deranged but i can’t #like yes it’s just fandom bullshit! gortash/zeke is a fucking oc x canon ship! why am i getting so upset over it! #i love writing them. i’ve never been this happy writing anything. and it’s entirely indicative of a common pattern in my life #when i earnestly share parts of myself/things i’m passionate about people get creeped out. and honestly? rightfully so #i would leave the discord servers i’m in because it’s fucking crushing me dude. this is so petty but i’m so jealous of what you people have #but in one i am server owner and i don’t want to just dump that responsibility onto someone else and then dip #and in the other two i’m not sure anyone would even notice that i’m gone but i still worry about being rude #though i’m not entirely sure i didn’t get invited to one of those just so people could laugh at me. idk probably just being paranoid but i #it’s been gnawing at me #ok no if i’m being this vulnerable on tunglr.com i can also say that part of me staying is also still having the hope that i could fit in #one day. logically i know it won’t happen but it’s nice to have hope sometimes #watching you all from through the window having fun like a creep #so yeah. i’ve always felt like this but it’s been rapidly getting worse with my failed attempt at the bg3 fandom #idk just been crying non-stop for the last few hours. went through an entire pack of tissues in an hour it’s very disgusting #they’re all lying around me as i’m typing this like a pillowfort of snot lmao #so yeah. idk. if someone could come over and lobotomise me that’d be nice. orin where are you when we need you most #i never had any friends irl so i foolishly gave this a shot. i’m sorry #also doesn’t help that i can see someone dropping me for people that are easier to be around in irl rn #it just hurts because it’s always like that. someone you are around when you have no other option at best. not even that sometimes

[schmweed]

#Gerri Kellman #Roman Roy #Coming in all brash and joking about her 'tiny name' and asking abt her daughters #when he's really actually worried he wasn't good enough for her #and she was about to realize it and worry she'd tethered herself to him. #He not only felt worried about that but he also went ahead and voiced his fears to her. #He would NEVER be that vulnerable with anyone else #and the trust and faith goes both ways -- I love how later in the episode #she leveled with him that he and his siblings could actually bring Logan down even though it would NOT be in her best interests #Succession #my gifs #I also obviously love the totally necessary tongue thing -- he's just worried and serious and lost in serious thought #nothing to do with gazing at her of COURSE :D #I love them so much. I miss them SO MUCH! #I can't get over the fantastic finale. The amazing door it left amazingly WIDE OPEN for anything and everything to happen down the road. #They will get their happy ending. She will rescue him. He will believe she's doing it because she wants to #and he will let her and he will be rescued #and she will get all the drawn-out groveling and apologizing she more than deserves from him #and I don't think there's ever been a couple better suited to be together. <3 #also can anyone with serious giffing prowess do these gifs properly please PLEASE and thank you? #the gifsets people make using Photoshop are GORGEOUS #uploading videos to a site will never reach that level.

[inniave]

after surgery i'm buying myself pentiment goddamnit

#reasons to live #also new doctor who episodes #i've been wanting to play for soooo long but haven't really had the money to spend #so i'm using this as an excuse #trying to focus on all the fun/good/cool things that i can do after #seeing hozier later in the summer #watching the wild flowers come up in the backyard #this is hell but i will get through it and there WILL be an other side i will make sure of it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #there's a chance we can get it done tomorrow if the doctor thinks it won't be super complicated #i hope we can cause the longer this goes the more we suffer #i just want it to be over #once i'm all healed i am going to smoke a cigarette and savor every fucking puff i haven't been able to smoke for over a k month now :/ #another thing to look forward too #and i think i have a vinyl preordered???? am can never remember what other parts have bought #oh and i'm going to binge rewatch the hunger games (all of them) after surgery #been meaning to do that & im using this as an excuse to do nothing but watch movies all day #got some audiobooks downloaded that hopefully they'll let me listen to during (unless it's going to be loud (??) then i have music) #i'm taking my puppy stuffie husband got me when we had to live apart for a summer before we got married #puppy is so special to me #he goes everywhere with me #i love him so much #i would just hold him and cry and cry and cry when husband had to leave :(((( #i am so scared #there's so many young parts too who are just i mean they are the ones holding a lot of this shit like i cant imagine what it's like for the #the little bit that leaks through to me is horrific and makes me want to fucking vomit #i'm worried for them #they're splitting bad :((( and i don't have any way to help #we're doing our tapping and tre and everything but idk how much that helps on the inside #idk man #it's all so much

[crown-ov-horns]

I was looking through my notes for Good Omens fanfiction, and realized almost every damn story includes Crowley having a baby.

There's the one where Heaven and Hell decide to use an angel baby carried by a demon as a diplomatic tool, leading into Crowley being protected by Michael, and them falling in love.

There's the one where she leaves her baby with Anathema and disappears, which triggers all the following events - from the search, to Aziraphale's trial, and everything else.

There's the one where she has to supply the new Antichrist, which leads to her and Lucifer falling in love, and her being crowned the Queen of Hell. (Well, this one is really two stories set in different timelines, in the second one the "baby" is like 27)

In the one inspired by a dream, she does have a baby eventually, but that's far from the worst thing that happens to her. Gabriel's treatment of her after is... How the Hell will I write this damn thing if I can't even think about it.

There's no baby in the one where she gets tortured with diluted holy water.

I see I have no storyline with male Crowley just yet... Fine, that's not true. I do have some thoughts for Crowley x Fem!Lucifer... It could include a new Antichrist, too. And, Crowley wouldn't be the pregnant one for once. But, dealing with pregnant Lucifer would probably be even scarier.

#diary pages #writing journal #fanfiction writer #ao3 writer #good omens fanfiction #good omens fandom #crowley #good omens crowley #lady crowley #fem!crowley #writers on tumblr #writer life #ffs what's with me and torturing miss/mr. snake #she's either pregnant or she's in some horrible situation or actually it's both #yes i feel damn guilty for doing that but i can't help it #in first two bullet points the dad is aziraphale but he screws up (without even knowing it) so michael steps in... #in the first one and not immediately as a love interest at first just as a protector #don't worry she's in on using the kid for politics and crowley know's there's drama #the second i'd rather not spoil because of the detective/investigation plot #hey but she chose michael herself she was supposed to be with hastur #in the antichrist one all is obvious and honestly it's one of those “good for her” stories for crowley #but in the time jump she is kind of riddled with worry for maxine fearing she'll burn out and so on #grr the dream storyline... the dad is gabriel and don't worry in the end she ditches him i can spoil that this story is so heavy #this story is the ugly crowing jewel of my frustration with crowley saving aziraphale over and over again #what she does to protect him here almost ends up killing her or breaking her it's... seriously no idea how i'll write it #i'm also worried people will think i'm romanticising it when it's supposed to leave the reader sickened like i am #no comment on the holy water thing rn it's a simple hurtfic that develops into a survivor - the previous one is survivor in the end too #i haven't given too much thought for the crowley/f!lucifer but it should be good #fr hell would be so frustrated she chose this moron as her king consort but could do nothing about it #her pregnant would be SCARY - she's terrifying already... well terrifying and to die for

[loverboybrightsideghost]

i really do love practicing 🎻

#i'm in music school so now it's a much more significant source of my already very significant fears #but practicing only feels stressful when i don't do it enough and i'm trying to 'catch up' #some weeks fly past me like hurricanes and i get to my lesson and i can't say i've made any progress and that fucks me up #and i don't think that's ever going away- like i'll always have weeks like that cuz everyone has bad days and bad weeks #from time to time #but when i plan correctly (which is becoming more and more the norm for me) my practicing is something im really proud of :) #i have a System. i didn't do very well before i had it and i would die without it now. #i get excited about learning! i get excited having realizations abt things to change or work on when i practice! #it feels experimenty a lot of the time and i like it!!! #i have a lot of catching up to do in terms of comparing myself to others but i'm not here for them i'm here for me #i will do my best and i will learn from others of course but my goals are to make my Me better first and worry abt other people later #i won't lose sight of that #<- and when it doesn't feel experimenty it can be calming to just be like okay ik what i need to do now just. Practice. Repeat. #i mean music is a fucking rollercoaster and sometimes you are at the bottom and i hate that but it comes w the territory #sometimes you're just Stuck but you do get past it and in those moments i just try to think back to previous times ive felt like that #ive felt horribly shitty before and gotten through it and come out the other side slightly better! #life is like that i think #anyways. hashtag iris loves music and being a musician 🙄 nothing new over here hehe

[softquietsteadylove]

Declaration of War

For @oldtvserieslover 's birthday, after asking about something for the Gladiator AU!

"My name is Eros," the newcomer smiled in a way that made both the queen and her daughter bristle. "And you, Princess, are as beautiful as the legends say."

His statement was accompanied by an up-and-down of her with his hungry eyes.

"Prince Eros," Ajak addressed him directly, and rather kindly, given the way he was looking at her daughter. "We welcome you to the tournament of Champions. You have come to challenge?"

"Indeed I have," the Prince grinned at them, bowing his mane of hair slightly to them. "I believe my selected champions will stand a great chance of beating you this time around, my Lady."

"Hm," Thena vocalised, mostly to herself. Her eyes drifted from the challenger in title to the actual fighters accompanying him.

They were lined up, facing their own gladiators. There was one who was clearly their first pick to win. He stood like a beast, massive in height and still heavily muscled. His face hardly even seemed human.

He was staring down Gilgamesh.

"We shall see," Ajak offered diplomatically, offering a polite sort of smile to the visiting Prince. "We have yet to be bested in the past years."

"Actually, I was hoping to propose," the Prince stepped back into proximity with the ladies, "higher stakes."

"Such as," Ajak frowned, backing up a step, incidentally pushing Thena further back as well.

"Such as a proposal," he tipped his chin up, his eyes shifting to Thena as if Ajak had disappeared from his line of sight. "I propose that my prize is the hand of the Lady herself."

"What?" Gilgamesh spoke up from his end of the line, although no one but Thena even looked at him as he spoke.

"That is hardly-" Ajak blinked as the Prince swooped down in a deep bow.

"I ask that if my chosen gladiators win, that I win the hand of the princess," he spoke downward, expressing a humility that he completely lacked just a moment ago. "The treasury I'm offering as a bet on my warriors is triple that of our other competitors."

Indeed, the funds offered by the brazen prince would provide for their coffers very nicely.

"And if we win?" Thena challenged, although something about the Prince's sly gaze and the presence of that beast of a man made her skin crawl.

Eros cocked his head at her with a grin that she could only imagine would have his concubines melting. "Why, you may ask anything you like, my darling bride. Since I intend to win no matter the challenge posed."

"We haven't even fought yet."

At last, the other royals present looked at Gilgamesh, still speaking up with no regard for if it was considered insolent of him - a mere fighter for the crown - or not. He met their critical glares without fear, shrugging his wide shoulders. "You could at least let her set her own conditions."

Thena shook her head ever so faintly, urging him to stay silent on the matter. She had come to enjoy speaking with him, and her mother - having become aware of this rapport between them - tolerated it. But most who were part of royalty did not welcome interruptions by civilians.

Eros chuckled, giving Gilgamesh a different kind of smile. It was still a smile, and still meant to appear affable. But this one was sharper edged and colder--the tilt of his head was so...demeaning. "Did you say something, brute?"

"Yeah, I did," Gil continued, undeterred by Eros' obvious disgust with him. His fists clenched, "it's pretty ballsy of you to come in here and demand to marry the princess. The least you could do is accept the conditions if you lose."

"Well, I don't intend to lose, so by all means," the prince bared his teeth at Gil now, like a predator toying with prey it knew it could outrun. "Set any conditions you like."

"Gil," Thena whispered, but he stepped up to Eros (and in front of her).

Gil got right in the Prince's face, who happily let him, meeting his challenge with a manic delight. "Speak up, pleb."

"If I win," Gil started without even considering the other gladiators selected alongside him. It was always just him by the final rounds of the tournament anyway. "Thena gets to marry anyone she chooses."

"The Lady may select her own groom," Eros postulated, emphasising the proper title for her, in contrast to Gil's overly familiar use of her given name. "What a peculiar thought."

Gil stood firm on the spot, even with the beast of a challenger moving forward and breathing like a bull ready to charge. "She gets to make her own choice. And no one gets to say a damn thing about it--not you, or anyone else."

"Hm," Eros raised his brows at Gil's adamant proposal. He looked amused by the resolve he showed and stepped away from the shorter but significantly more strongly built man. "Fine, I accept your little wager."

Thena glared at him again. Her life and freedom was a 'little wager', apparently.

"But know this, Gilgamesh," Eros turned his eyes on him again, voice sharp and eyes cold. "I do not intend to leave this place empty handed."

"I don't care what you intend," Gil snarled at him, finally backing up but not moving away from Thena behind him as Eros walked off and beckoned for his chosen fighters to follow. "You're not coming anywhere near her."

Ajak let out a breath as the prince and his entourage descended the steps to their mezzanine. She looked at the guards, who were hovering with their weapons, waiting for the word to be given about how the lowly gladiator was standing inappropriately close to the princess. Ajak shook her head, "relax, all of you."

The guards stood back against the walls, although Gil was still glaring at where Eros and his gladiators had vanished. He huffed, crossing his arms, "the nerve of that guy."

"Gil," Thena cut in, glaring at him (and forgetting that she too was addressing him far too casually).

"What?" he shrank back at her obvious ire. "D-Did I do something wrong?"

"Y-You-!" Thena pinched her full lips together, pressing her fingers together before she could make a real fist with them. "That thing with him will be out for your blood, after that altercation!"

"Well," he shrugged at her as if he were talking with anyone else and not the crown princess herself. "He was going to be anyway, right?"

"That's not the point!"

"Thena," Ajak scolded, watching her daughter squabble with one of their own fighters.

"I'm sorry," Gilgamesh conceded, bowing his head to his monarchs. "To both of you, my Lady. But I couldn't just...I couldn't let him think-"

"You have issued a very serious challenge, Gilgamesh," Ajak addressed him firmly but not unkindly. "This cannot be taken lightly."

"It won't be," he assured his queen before turning to his princess. "I'll win."

Thena bit down on the inside of her lip, "you can't know that will happen."

"I can, I'll make it happen," he affirmed, stating it as boldly as he would state any fact about the ocean being deep or the sun being bright. He held her eyes, not letting her fear sway him at all. "I'll win, Thena."

Ajak cleared her throat. That was quite enough use of given names for now. She would have to address it later. "Come--you must prepare for the first round of fights."

"Yes," Gil bowed, stepping back into the line, where his fellow competitors were staring slack jawed at him for yet again speaking with the princess audaciously.

"And you," Ajak turned to Thena, whose face betrayed her nervousness for just a second. "Come with me."

"Yes, mother," Thena murmured, indeed following Ajak up the stairs to the shaded platform for their respective thrones. She looked behind her.

Gil offered a faint smile and a little wave, same as he did every time he saw her, no matter the distance between them.

Thena's eyes were drawn and her frown was heavy, but she still managed to wave back at him as they drifted apart.

#Thenamesh Gladiator AU #for you my dear!!! #I hope you had a great day! #I do have other asks for this au! #there's more to come I promise! #if that is a concern you #if not...then there's nothing to worry about #this is a missing chapter per se #how we got into this mess in the first place #I know you love Gil asserting himself #and royalty has to play by a certain set of rules #there is diplomacy involved they have to watch what they say #not Gil #he's here to tell Eros he's being a prick and that he can't just throw Thena over his shoulder and walk off #Gil would sooner die #not that he's going to... #also I guess this is a fine time to say #yeah...I do birthday requests #if it's your birthday...send me an ask #and I will reeeeaaalllly try to get it out on the day #if not then soon after #because you're all so supportive #and you deserve to feel special! #also if it's belated and after the fact #even if we've never spoken a single word to each other #if it's your birthday and you have something in particular you want to read #I'll give it a shot!

[vamptastic]

i think my constant seething rage is honestly very reasonable. i literally live in florida.

#got in argument with a guy the other day abt idk. trans athletes #was basically him trying to explain what the issue is to me (i know. that's kinda step one to having an opinion on it.) #and then going yeah huh i guess you're actually right (i was) #and i was like okay great cool we're done here let me go to class and he starts talking about like #how he still loves trump for this and that reason kinda unprompted (sorry you lost an argument dude go introspect somewhere else im LATE) #and i was like yeah idk abt that. on account of all the corruption. and the foreign policy youre saying is like manly macho man strong is #mostly just wildly stupid posturing that's going to achieve nothing at best and world war at worst #and he goes no don't worry i think DESANTIS would be better for 2024 actually #and i. UNDERSTANDBLY. was like oh okay i cannot speak to you (because i am visibly shaking with rage) #and he goes well i think you are misattributing my intentions (cunt.) #and i said no no i don't think you're malicious i just think you're stupid and wildly misinformed #and then left bc i was about to either hit him or start crying (bc that guy has been like very tangibly ruining my life for months #and i genuinely cannot fathom what fucking tax issue or whatever one would value over like. my right to idk. Exist atp. #and also this coming from someone who just tried to be like no i know so many trans people i love trans ppl im not like those conservatives #like try to dig deep down into whatever rotted husk of a brain is left in your skull and fathom why i might have a strong reaction to your #support for DESANTIS and the SPACE LASERS WOMAN #you fucking idiot.) #and was that civil. No. and now i have to apologize to him bc i feel bad about it even though i fully meant it #idk its what i get for trying to change peoples minds with stupid things like #' statistics ' and ' a utilitarian perspective ' and ' existing legal basis for my argument ' #guys so wrapped up in their right wing bubble they just dont wanna hear it #n they always assume i mustve not heard their talking points and its like look at where we fucking live #and look at the state of the world. NOBODY in any form of mainstream news shares my politics lmao #you think i havent heard every conceivable argument abt trans people??? also you think im dumb enough to form an opinion without looking at #the other side? yeah man i know about the three trans women who have ever won a sports competition ever. do you? #do you even know their fucking names or sports or trial outcomes. #GOD just fucking. pseudo intellectual facist horseshit like pragru and infowars masquerading as legítimate sources #are making so many dumbass illiterate (i truly don't think they have the reading comprehension to decifer a study or even long article) #guys think they're gods gift to politics bc they listened to someone else tell them what a source says through ten layers of propaganda #just. uh. everyone should die forever and also learn to read.