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warmau · 5 years

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Model!AU: Minghao

getting closer and missing hao inspired this. heavy content + mentions of violence+ mentions of medicine/mental health + onesided feelings so be forewarned. tldr; modeling is hard. minghao breakdowns. good ending, i promise.

it should have been obvious since the beginning of the shoot that there was going to be a problem

but, naively, you had thought nothing of it at all

he’d been on edge all week from a packed schedule

first a trip to italy for fashion week, then a branding meeting in france, a non-stop flight to korea followed to discuss plans for his face to grace the streets of myeongdong, three interviews for three different magazines, and now here - in china - for a campaign that was paying at least triple what they usually would just so they could get him

xu minghao

and him snapping at the designer for picking out the wrong size for the first outfit was to be expected

but then there was the bickering with the photographer, the calling of names of the poor and terrified interns, and then his wrath turned upon props

fake flowers began being flung across the room

his hermes paris loafers scuffed and dirtied from when he’d put his foot through the background screen in angry disapproval of its color

his hand, clad in rubies and sterling silver, clutching at one of the light bulbs that had powered his background light

clenched perfect teeth, seething broad shoulders

“ill crush this thing and use the shards to cut your neck if you make me look like an idiot - i swear you won’t get away with it”

that’s where you’d realized it had took a turn for the worse

not just because of property damage, or bad character, but because minghao was literally threatening someone

his violent outbursts had become more common as he grew in popularity - but this was the first time he’d said something like that

something that could be filmed, recorded, leaked to the press

and then his career would be over

as his personal assistant, you had to do something

so you pushed forward onto the set

making apologizes to everyone as you grabbed minghao by the sides of his jacket and whispered in the lowest -but calmest - voice you could

“hao, let me get you back to the hotel - ok?”

his eyes, flaming amber settled into yours

you’d always been his friend, even before his modeling career, and out of all the people in the world

you could smolder any fire that he set ablaze

so rolling his shoulders and straightening himself out

minghao took one last look around the set

the poor photographer, probably thirty years older than him, too scared to meet his gaze

and said - in monotone, emotionless mandarin - that they could do this all again tomorrow

and that they better do it right

he’d marched forward, through the doors to where the rest of his team was waiting

his chauffeur, his bodyguard, his manager, his makeup artist

you stayed behind an extra couple of minutes for damage control

bowing, hanging your head low and apologizing - assuring that you’d pay for the ruined background, the stomped out flowers, but most of all

you promised you’d have minghao back here tomorrow

in a more,,,,,,positive,,,,,,,,mood

after it all, you’d climbed into the black jaguar that waited outside of the building somewhere in downtown beijing

and heard minghao groan

his face illuminated by the screen of his phone

“look at this, they completely twisted what i said in the interview!”

he tilted his phone to show you the news title

“millennial model and chinese breakout fashion sensation xu minghao says that sometimes he hates his job?!?!”

you see that the publisher is grazia, you make a note to call and get it fixed up

you take the phone from minghao, exit out of the browser and instead open up his messages

“your mom texted while you were on set, you should answer her”

minghao’s long fingers graze yours as he takes the phone back, he reads the message - but you see him close the chat

resting his head against the window he mutters that he cant deal with her right now

“she’s your mo-”

“i know. stop policing me like im some sort of kid, ill get back to her when i do.”

he snaps, not even giving you the decency to turn back your way

you don’t huff or try to pick a fight, instead you just look straight forward past the partition

onto the road ahead of you and wonder

when did he become such a ,,,,,,,,,,, monster?

the night is sleepless for you, it’s been that way for a long time now

you spend it sending out emails and responses to the millions of business inquiries an hungry brands that want minghao to model for them

you spend it on the phone with the company back in korea, explaining what happened today - getting yelled at for it - and then making sure the money is wired over so you can pay back the photographer like you said

you spend it double, triple, even quadruple checking minghao’s schedule and updating it or fixing it

so that not a moment is to spare

even though it hurts knowing how much all of this is taking a toll on the boy you were once best friends with

for a while you drift into memories

minghao, not as tall and slender as he is now but still a head above you, in his school uniform in your backyard

your favorite song at the moment on blast from your phone

how he’d take his shoes off and dance - try to get you up and to copy him

but you could never match his natural talent, the way his long limbs moved like water

you remember the days where minghao laughed, loud and shameless

the days where he’d flip through magazines and point out big names and say, with confidence, that he’d one day get to represent them

wink your way and ask “isn’t my face the best in china?”

you’d crinkle your nose, but the reality was his face was the best in china - maybe even the world

and now that he’d earned that title from everyone else

it was like that cheerful, playful boy had been buried deep under layers of expensive fabrics, makeup, and diamonds

and all you had now was the shell of your best friend

a body and a face that resembled xu minghao - but had lost all of the light within it

you had to snap out of those thoughts, noting that it was nearing 4am and even if it was an hour of sleep - it was an hour you’d need to deal with what was to come

minghao was late, but you had planned ahead and told the photographer to take him time setting up

he showed up in maison margiela pinstripe trousers, a gucci medusa sweater, burberry hightops, the interlocking necklace sent from versace as a gift and vintage dior homme shades that blocked the lazer like intensity of his already annoyed gaze

all together he cost roughly the same amount as most people made in half a year - working five days a week fulltime

and he had worn it as a “sorry im late, i didnt want to come” kind of laidback outfit

you bit back the urge to ask him what he’d been up to

the faint smell of floral cologne and refusal to look directly into the light told you all you had to know

minghao had developed a kind of ritual - you’d call it that to avoid slandering him

when things didn’t go right, he’d find someone pretty. take two or more of those depression meds mixed in with something a little more fun. and in the morning

he’d cover it up with expensive accessories and for some reason let you - and only you - be the one to fix him up

letting the perfume stuck on his skin fill the space between you two as you’d reach up and move strands of hair from his eyes or make sure any blemish - that were hardly ever there - was hidden

you didn’t understand why he did that to you

did he enjoy seeing the pain in your eyes? the feeling of betrayal radiating between your bodies?

it had been an unspoken oath between you two as teenagers, that you really and deeply cared for each other

the word “love” was never uttered - but it was obvious

how you looked at one and other, how minghao had a sharp tongue but kept it under locks around you

how you looked up at him with adoration that could only be rivaled by old, married couples

you had been called the soulmates of your hometown

and now you were stuck in a dizzy cloud of his one night stands stench,,,,,,and worst of all,,,,it was on purpose

“is- is he ready?”

the photographer asks, to which minghao scoffs

“im right here, just ask me if im ready. don’t ask my assistant.”

you swallow as the photographer gives a small nod to his team

the designer comes to get minghao ready - but minghao ignores him and sways his way over to you

you try not the take any deep breathes, the undertones of rose dance around him in blaring waves

“can you make sure i look alright?”

he demands, stating it like a question just for the audience. you know you aren’t under the pretense to say no

“of course”

your answer is flat - but you do follow through, taking a step closer and searching his face for an imperfection

he’s statuesque - the features on his face look like they’ve been hand molded to be perfect

when you reach to take off his glasses, you’re met with eyes that look like onyx now that they’re makeup free and up close

the shape is unworldly, long and accented against the backdrop of his clear, clean skin

you trace from the eyes to the lips: perfect, perfect, perfect

you waver because you could keep looking, let your eyes travel downwards over his godly proportions

elegantly long neck, strong collarbones, incomparable body with arms and legs you’ve imagined being tangled up in

so you don’t

you restrain yourself and tell minghao

“you look fine.”

you wait for the complimentary smirk, the click of his tongue, but instead he just continues to stare

till you feel like he’s reduced you to dust in his eyes

and turns to make way toward set

the shoot goes much smoother, there is no destruction and no yelling

and everyone signs an agreement that prohibits them from leaking any of the events that transpired

minghao finally changes from the last outfit, looks uninterested in all the praise thrown his way

and snaps his fingers toward his bodyguard who steps into line beside him and sternly explains that the shoot is over - no autographs or photos can be taken now

you don’t ride in minghao’s jaguar back to the hotel

you need to pick up some of the orders minghao has placed with stores around town

and you are grateful for the time spent apart

because every now and then you feel that spiraling feeling haunt over you

the unrequited devotion you’d developed for minghao when you before young

and the sting of his lowly treatment

sure, you were still the sole person to calm him down, to keep him from lashing out in public, from almost attacking anything or anyone that as much as made him twitch in annoyance

but he wasnt an angel to you either

you were convinced he knew how you felt- how you used to feel

and making you stand in front of him like a fool after he’d spent the night frolicking from one pair of lips to the other was embarrassing

his respect for you had turned to obligation, talking to you sometimes like he was doing you favor bringing you along

when in reality this job was a nightmare on your body and mental state just as much as it was for him

you were no model, your face wasnt on magazines, and you didnt have fans falling at your feet everywhere you went

but your body ached from sleepless nights and constant travel

your head spun from trying to remember dates, dealing with huge design teams, rude press, problems with the company, and of course from having to live day to day in minghao’s shadow

you didnt want his fame, you saw what it did to him

but you did want your friend

when he’d made you his personal assistant after his debut, he didnt even dare to call you an “assistant”

he introduced you with your name - told designers and photographers and fans that you were the one always there to keep him sane

that he would be nothing without you

and now,,,, he was treating you - and everyone else - like they were nothing

and you just didnt understand why

how was this the boy who’d always been concerned about you in the winter when you went out without a scarf

how was this the boy who’d once told a fellow friend of yours that in the future - you were were going to get married and make the world a better place together

you throwing a half eaten chunk of bread at him, redfaced and going “why would i marry you - xu minghao?”

and he’d chuckled and said “who else are you going to marry? everyone knows we’re each others destiny!”

had all of those moments been a lie - sometimes you were scared you made them up in your head

but you had photos and video and years of experience to know, that at one point, minghao was different

grateful for the mediocre jobs he got, grateful for his family, grateful for you

you had been there when he was teaching himself to pose in the mirror

when he was begging brands to give him a second chance, to even just consider his portfolio

you had been there when that portfolio was three cheap headshots that you and him had pooled your money together for

you were always there ,,,,,,,, and you didnt know if you could handle that anymore

when you returned to the hotel, dragging what had to be eight different bags out of the elevator and into minghao’s private suite

you called out to let him now you’d arrived

for a second, there was no response

and you vaguely assumed he’d fallen asleep or that he’d stepped out to speak to the manager or something

but then you listened

and heard the water running in the bathtub

your mind snapped into action and you rushed inside

you’d seen minghao practically naked for covershoots before - so you weren’t at all shy of walking in on something

you were more terrified of what could have been going on

and minghao was inside

the water was overflowing in the tub and he was standing in fornt of the large scale mirror

eyes wide, pills in the sink, scissors in his hands

“hao - wh-what are you doing?”

you panic, trying to make a plan

should i turn off the water first? should i get the scissors? should i call for backup?

but minghao just stares - as if past his reflection, into something deeper in the mirror

“you’ve abandoned me.”

you blink

“w-what are you talking about hao, im right here-”

“NO”

he grabs a fistful of his hair and clutches it so hard his knuckles pale

his eyes winded, ringed with an unfamiliar agony to them

“no, you’re not. you’re not here. you’re not here. you’re always gone when i need you. you - you -”

he searches for words, but doesn’t find them

instead he brings up the scissors and you ready yourself to jump on him, to grab his torso and hold him back with all your strength

but he’s fast

and the hair he’s clutched, in one clean snip - he cuts it off

the strands fall into the sink and the water from the overflowing bathtub rises to your ankles

“we entered this world together. you used to think of only me. you had eyes only for me. i was like,,,,,like david, like apollo, like the archangel michael and now you just look at me and you see,,,,,,fine?”

his voice cracks and you recall the conversation this morning

where he’d made you evaluate him before the shoot

how you’d just thought he wanted you to suffer, knowing what he did last night

“hao, you know - you know better than anyone that i will only ever have eyes for you. im so in love with you that i let you berate me, torture me, make me a fool - how could you think i would ever,,,,,,ever,,,,,,leave your side?”

the emotions in you shake and pour out like the water that is getting higher and higher in the bathroom

“put the scissors down, you’ll ruin your ha-”

you start and minghao throws his head back

“i dont care about my hair. i dont care about my face. i dont care about my body. because no one - not even you - cares about ME. WHO I AM! LOOK AT THIS STUPID, EMPTY THING IVE BECOME!”

he spins himself around to face you, bringing the scissors up and cutting wherever he can

until you stop him, the clumps of hair falling into the water, sticking to your clothes and the towel that hangs low around his hips

“hao, why are you doing this,,,,what is happening,,,,please tell me why you’re in pain,,,”

he breathes heavily, seething with something - not anger, not fear, but some kind of inbetween

“you think i dont know that i hurt people? that ive become a fucking asshole? i cant stop it!”

he presses a hand flat against his chest

“i cant stop it because it protects me. if im mean and harsh, no one will take advantage. no one will take what ive earned -”

“but why do you take it out on your team? on the manager or the bodyguard? why do you take it out on me?

he shakes, eyes wavering to the door behind you, to the water at your feet, to the spot on your face that he’s focused on instead of your eyes

“because you ,,,,,, you dont love me how you used to. you love me for my price - for my fame. you dont love hao, you love model xu minghao and im not -”

he sinks suddenly, dropping first to his knees and then leaning forward

you follow and catch him so his head lands against your shoulder

the water soaks through your clothes and the steam from the shower is floating around you two like a storm cloud

you hold him tight, and pull him closer, flush to your own body

and minghao’s arms come to embrace you back, to cling to the fabric of your shirt as he speaks into your neck

“i can see that you dont look at me with the same eyes - your eyes used to glow like stars, they used to be warm. and now,,,,they just see past me-”

he doesnt cry, but his voice fluctuates like he’s in constant waves of pain

“hao, im afraid. im afraid of what you’ve become. you sleep around with anyone, then rub it in my face. you yell and threaten and cause destruction - how could i continue to love you,,,”

you say, but your hand travels up into his hair, combing it down - letting it soothingly run over the parts where it’s now sticking out, jagged

“i never sleep with them.”

you take a sharp inhale and your fingers stop

“wh-what?”

“i never sleep with them. ive never even gone beyond kissing. there are intimacies that im going to save for you, even if you never wish to ,,,,, see me the same way”

the sentiment and gentleness of his voice is a sound you havent heard for so long

that you almost forget that this is how he really sounds, how he sounded when you were young

both on the verge of your careers - both so close to being together that you could taste it on your lips

but never having the courage to move it forward

had he been harboring the same avid feelings for you too?

there’s a moment of silence until minghao’s pulls back

the water is up to your waists now that you’re on the floor - you’re surprised it hasnt leaked and that someone from the hotel hasnt come running in

but he looks at you, lips trembling

“do you believe me?”

“hao”

you reach and touch his face, he leans into it - to the warmth and familiarity

to the loyatly and the love

“hao, i love you. i love you so much that im sure someone might call it an addiction.”

he finally lets a smile pull up at his lips

“but this has to stop. you can’t wallow in your anguish and take it out on everyone else. something inside you is hurting, maybe im the cause - or the job is the cause. whatever it is, you - we need to stop it. because i cant watch the man i love turn into the man i loathe.”

minghao reaches up, puts his large hand over yours and leans forward

his lips hesitate just a centimeter from yours

“may i?”

he asks, drawn out and slightly foggy in the tiny little bathroom

“do anything you want”

your voice whispers back

and in a kiss that is full of such intense compulsion, years of harbored and hidden feelings, you fall over

with minghao’s body ontop of yours, your faces still connected in passion submerged under the overflowing water

till the door is kicked open and a horrified maid asks if you two are out of your damn minds

you spend the night with minghao, the emails and your phone abandoned in your room

as you lay beside him and watch the mask he’s had on slowly fall away

as he tells you how hard it’s been

how the medication isn’t working

how he’s begun to hate himself for this fake attitude

you caress his cheek, bring him close, tell him that if he needs a break he can take one

you’ll personally cancel every interview, shoot, and deal if need be

but minghao asks against your lips

if you’re sick of it too, the people - the press - the hours - the constant need to be moving and making money

you say you are

but that it was worth it, to be beside him. even at his worse.

in the morning light of the next day you examine the damage done to his hair, comb it down and let him slip on a cap to hide any split ends

and when you emerge

to an angry, confused manager who wants to know what is going on

minghao laces his hand with yours

“tell everyone that they have to wait. i have lost time to makeup with the person i love.”

you flush at the romantic words, but also remind the manager that the schedule has to be cleared or that the company will get angry

he asks you to do it - you’re the personal assistant

but minghao holds you close

“not anymore. i quit”

you announce and the manager nearly falls over

“so if im not an assistant, what should i do now?”

minghao kisses your temple

“just be mine. we’ll figure it out together. and plus, i kind of have a plan. ive had since i was a kid.”

you walk outside, people stop in the streets

people whisper and ask, “isn’t that xu minghao?”

but you both ignore them

“oh, whats this plan?”

“do you remember ,,,, my promise to marry you?”

#so lets get one thing out of the way: i wrote this to hurt myself and then make myself happy #so its selfindulgent but also i got to write my breakdown scene and im #not sure how you all will like it #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen au #minghao imagines #minghao scenarios #minghao au #the8 scenarios #the8 imagines #the8 au #member: the8 #model!au #17 imagines #17 scenarios #17 au #xu minghao

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afashionistablg · 4 years

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These a few of my favourite things.

February is the official month of love, and I’m feeling inspired. After celebrating Galentine’s Day and Valentine’s Day, and then finally, finally watching the To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before sequel, P.S I Still Love You, I thought it would be fun to round up a few of things I’m loving right now.

Jenny Bird

My obsession with earrings knows no bounds, and I’ve all but fallen in love with Jenny Bird‘s minimalist and modern jewelry. I picked up a few of pieces at a sample sale last fall and they’re honestly my favourite accessories to wear.

View this post on Instagram

The only thing better than hoops are pink hoops.

A post shared by Kaysey Davis (@afashionistablg) on Jan 20, 2020 at 8:51am PST

For the last couple of years Jenny has released a collection of Valentine’s Day jewelry and I’ve been coveting a few pieces. I got a pair of love hoops last year, and I love them. They’re like an elevated version of the simple gold hoops I wear every day. This year’s collection is just as good, and there are couple pieces I’m dying to add to my collection.

Herbivore Botanicals

I have really high expectations when it comes to body scrubs. I’ve been using the same brand, Cake Beauty, for years, and there have only been a couple other scrubs I’ve tried and liked. This one by Herbivore Botanicals is actually a body polish and it caught my eye because of the main ingredients: coconut oil, rose oil, and sugar. Also, I’m a sucker for packaging, and this jar is gorgeous.

It smells incredible, and my skin feels super smooth after just one use. I will say that it’s a lighter and less abrasive exfoliant (hence the name body polish). The granules are very small, like actual sugar, making it easy for the scrub to absorb into the skin as you rub. I would say it’s something I could use almost every day because it so gentle on my skin. I really don’t need a lot to get the job done, and it isn’t messy like coffee-based body scrubs. There isn’t any leftover product in my bathtub that I have to clean up. Love it!

Enamel pin, homecominggoods.com. Enso Rings, ensorings.com. Biossance Squalane + Rose Vegan Lip Balm, sephora.com.

Boy Smells

I’ve been coveting these candles for a while now, and I finally decided to treat myself to one. Buying candles online is so nerve wracking. You never know what it’s going to smell like until you actually get it. It took me forever to decided on one, but I picked the Cinderose scent because I was drawn to combination floral and woodsy notes like rose, tuberose, oakmoss, and smoke. I was right. It smells like a campfire but isn’t too overwhelming. I could definitely smell the woodsy scents, but I think the floral notes definitely soften it. It’s supposed to last for fifty hours, so I shouldn’t need a new one for a while!

Enso Rings

I rarely wear rings for a couple of reasons. One, I have a big fingers and have a hard time finding jewelry that I like and that fit me. Two, I usually buy a bunch of costume jewelry that either gets lost or tarnished after a couple of months. And, after promising myself that I would start investing in higher quality jewelry (hello, Jenny Bird), I stopped buying rings. Until now.

I discovered these silicone rings about a month ago and my life has been changed forever. Not only are they super comfortable, but I never have to take them off. They’re waterproof, flexible, and won’t tarnish or leave that annoying green ring around my finger from wearing them all day. Plus, they come in a variety of colours, sizes, and styles that give me the freedom to customize different looks every day. I’m obsessed with the braided rings but also love the simple metallic ones, too.

Gucci Bloom

I’m late to the party, but I finally tried Gucci’s Bloom perfume and it’s everything. I gotten so used to buying perfumes from my favourite brands, namely Nina Ricci, Dior, and Marc Jacobs, but this Gucci fragrance has inspired me to step out of my comfort zone a little. I think it’s a little more mature than the scents I usually wear, but is still a floral fragrance, which I tend to gravitate to.

What are you loving this month? Have you tried any of these products? Let me know in the comments!

Skincare, jewelry, and anything pink — these are a few of my favourite things! Check out my latest post on the blog! These a few of my favourite things.

#BEAUTY #JEWELLERY #REVIEW #SKINCARE

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