#I think it's because I enjoy the LABOR of my job and don't necessarily believe in the bigger corporate mumbo-jumbo | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

uncloseted · 2 years

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i have no intention of ever having a job. i'm miserable every day at school. classes are fine sometimes when i'm in the right mood and i don't have to wake up too early and i don't have to stay there too long but if i have to study or do homework that's even a little bit complicated then i start to hate it again. i can't think of a single job that i would feel ok doing. i know you don't believe in laziness but i've talked to all kinds of professionals and really, i'm not mentally ill, i just

don't want to work, ever. i don't want to "work hard" or sacrifice or chase my dreams because i don't have any. i don't want to be a "wife" or a sugar baby or anything like that either. i just want to be at home and ocasionally go shopping or to a cafe or whatever. and i don't know what to do. i feel like there's either something really wrong with me or everyone else has been brainwashed to think that working is something desirable

I like this question! I think it's reflecting something that a lot of people feel but that doesn't get talked about very often. What you're describing is called "refusal of work", and there are various subcultures and individuals who have historically engaged in it. R/antiwork is currently a pretty large community of people interested in discussing the refusal of work.

The first thing I want to do is quickly make a distinction between "work" and "labor". For the purposes of this discussion, I'm going to use "work" to mean "jobs under the structure of capitalism" and "labor" to mean "any activity or purposeful intent towards a goal". The reason I wanted to make that distinction is this- unless a person is set to inherit a huge amount of money or lives in a place that's testing a universal basic income structure, existence requires some type of labor. Even if you completely go off the grid, there's still labor involved in finding food and shelter. But the fact that existence requires some form of "labor" doesn't necessarily mean that we all need to have "a job". And for most of us, there are types of "labor" that we'll do entirely for free. For example, I spend about 20 hours a week on this blog, even though I make no money from it. It's "labor", but it's labor that I enjoy and that I'll keep doing with or without a financial incentive (although please, if you can, donate to this blog 😂). It may help to consider what kind of "labor" you do for fun or what kind of "labor" doesn't feel like work for you.

Next I want to take a little detour here to talk about laziness and why "jobs" often suck. You rightly identified that I don't believe laziness exists. I think what we call "laziness" is always the product of other barriers, which is why often people who are "lazy" in one context are "productive" in another (for example, not wanting to do work but engaging in a hobby). Sometimes, those are mental health related (depression, anxiety, etc.), neurological (ADHD, autism, sleep deprivation, brain injury, etc.), or physical (hookworm infection, chronic pain, chronic illness, injury). But other times, those barriers are social or cultural.

Sometimes, people are "lazy" because they're experiencing burnout. Other times, they're "lazy" because they feel an expectation to perform perfectly, and feel that it's better to not start than it is to try and fail. Other times, people are "lazy" because what they're expected to do isn't what they actually want to do, or because they can't see the point in doing what they're expected to do. Sometimes people are "lazy" because their basic needs aren't being met (adequate nutrition, sleep, exercise, social interaction, fun). Sometimes people are "lazy" because, despite the fact that they work full-time, they're still not able to meet their basic needs. Culturally, we put a premium on economic productivity, without considering the contexts that might lead to a person being "lazy". As author Devon Price says, "laziness is usually a warning sign from our bodies and our minds that something is not working." I think before we call ourselves "lazy", it's important to ask ourselves, "what in my life isn't working?", "what are the needs I have that aren't being met", "what struggles am I facing that aren't being taken seriously?", "what structural problems are getting in my way?", and "what would I need to feel motivated in doing this task?"

This idea of laziness as a warning sign kind of leads me to my next point. The way we relate to labor in a cultural sense is inherently flawed. There's a lot to say about how we got here, especially with regards to cultural Calvinism and the Protestant Work Ethic. But this is already a long enough essay, so I'll try to keep it brief for now, and we can go more into depth if you're curious. Culturally, we've gotten to a point where we view our purpose as contributing to the economy, and our worth as contingent on how well we're doing that. We've set up all of our incentives to make sure that people are "working hard", and we've made it increasingly difficult to afford to live unless a person is "working hard". In the US, "there is no state, county or city in the country where a full-time, minimum-wage worker working 40 hours a week can afford a two-bedroom rental" and "a full-time minimum-wage worker can afford a one-bedroom rental in only 7% of all US counties — 218 counties out of more than 3,000 nationwide." Especially in the US, we live in a hyper-individualistic system where people are expected to succeed or fail solely as a product of their own effort, without any social support and without any acknowledgement that the playing field is not level for everyone. So we view the fact that people can't afford housing as a personal failing on their parts instead of a social failing on the governmental level- it's not that the federal minimum wage hasn't been raised since 2009, it's that people aren't working hard enough to afford what they need. That can be incredibly discouraging, especially when you're working as hard as you know how.

The deeper problem with this belief is that humans aren't really designed to be "hard workers" to begin with. In many ways, we're still essentially just large apes. We just need socialization, food, and sex, and we're hardwired to do those things in the easiest way possible. That's why our brains love superstimuli like junk food and TV- it's a huge amount of a stimulus we need (calories, socialization) in a way that requires no effort on our part. So when we're thrown into a situation where we're removed from the natural world, where our basic needs are being held hostage in order to extract our labor, and where we're expected to do more work than the average hunter-gatherer would have, it makes sense that we hate it. Capitalism is not a system that's designed for humans; it's a system designed for economies.

This dislike of work is exacerbated by the current, hyper-capitalist system we have, at least in the US. Many people feel that their jobs are "bullshit jobs"- ones that are meaningless, but exist so that people can be employed. I think a lot of us feel that the economy exists to sustain itself as opposed to benefitting humanity- this is especially true as more jobs become automatable, but the same amount of people continue to be employed. The promise of the Industrial Revolution was that people would be able to work less, but instead we're just working longer hours and more quickly.

I think Marx was right when he said that capitalism alienates us from the work that we do- from our product, from the act of production, from other workers, from the profit of our work, and from our humanity. We are one small part of how a product gets made and designed. We don't necessarily get to see how our product is consumed or how it helps people (if it helps at all). We're set up in a way that pits us against fellow workers for promotions, bonuses, and recognition. And the vast majority of the profit from our work goes into the pockets of people who are already wealthy instead of being distributed to the individuals who actually did the work. In 2020, the median Amazon worker made $29,007, while Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos's net worth grew $75 billion in the same period of time. If that wealth was able to be distributed evenly to each of Amazon's 1.3 million employees, each one would get about $57,692 extra. People feel exploited, whether or not they're consciously aware of it.

This alienation is one of the reasons that we're seeing the "Great Resignation" right now. Some surveys have found that as many as 65% of workers were looking for a new job and 88% of executives said that their company was experiencing a higher turnover than normal. People are tired of feeling exploited, not having a work-life balance, rigid schedules and work environments, low wages, and of job mismatch.

So what do we do about this sub-par system? I don't really know. Boycott Amazon and other billionaires' companies, for sure. But also, support attempts at unionization and attempts to take other forms of collective action such as strikes. Support universal basic income programs. Support legislation for better worker protections, including increased paid time off, parental leave, and fewer working hours. Support companies that have profit-sharing models in place. It's not a lot, but small changes eventually add up to big results.

Assuming that we're not going to be able to overturn a capitalistic structure within the next few years, though, what are the options for people who hate working? The first thing I would suggest is to figure out how much money you would need to comfortably live. Are you hoping to buy a house someday, or are you okay renting for the rest of your life? Do you want to live in a high cost of living area, or would you be happy somewhere with fewer amenities? Do you want to live in a city or the country? Do you need a car, or are you okay walking or taking public transportation? Are you planning on having children? How much do you spend a month on food? On other necessities? On things that you want but don't need? If you can figure out how much money you need to comfortably live, then you can look at your different options for making that amount of money as quickly and painlessly as possible. I would also suggest identifying what matters to you in life. Instead of what you don't want to be doing, I think it's important to consider what you do want. What are your values? What do you believe in? What would you do with your life if you weren't setting out to satisfy other people? Knowing what's important to you can help you feel more fulfilled in general, as well as to figure out how much money you actually need to be making.

In terms of how to make money, what are some of those options for people who hate working? You identified one of them in your ask - getting compensated for doing emotional or domestic labor through being a stay-at-home partner or a sugar baby. This strategy does have its benefits, especially if you like your partner. It allows you to live an essentially work-free life and to be financially compensated for things you would have done for free (such as provide emotional support, cook and clean, hang out with a partner, etc). But it can create a complicated interpersonal dynamic that can be a struggle to navigate.

If that's not for you, there are other possibilities. You could find a remote job that allows you to work whenever you want (such as most freelance jobs and many project-based jobs), meaning that you can choose when you wake up, how many hours you work, and where you work from. This gives you the flexibility to decide if you're going to go to a cafe or to go shopping in the middle of the day. This kind of work also allows you to maximize your time so you're reducing the number of hours you're working overall. Anecdotally, I've had times in my life where I was working about 10 hours a week and could afford my lifestyle through this kind of freelance work. For these types of jobs, you can also consider automating them- for example, I sometimes do social media management and I use an AI to generate Instagram captions so I don't have to think about them.

You could also choose to condense the amount of time you work. For example, some jobs are seasonal or contract-based - you can work for six months of the year and then take the other six months off, or work for two weeks and then take two weeks off. The time that you're working might suck, but it may be worth it in order to have more free time than someone who's working a traditional 40 hour week.

In a similar vein, if you can move to a country with good worker's benefits, some countries mandate at least 3 weeks of paid vacation for their workers in addition to public holidays. These include Norway, Spain, Portugal, Iceland, Austria, Denmark, France, Finland, Luxembourg, the UK, and Lithuania. In countries like Germany, most employers give their workers up to six weeks of paid time off, and they work about 27 hours per week on average. There are some types of jobs that will provide you with a place to stay and sponsor your visa, meaning that you can save a reasonable amount of money.

Another option is to become financially independent and retire early. This option, known as FIRE, is typically done through getting a job (traditional or not) and then aggressively saving your income. For people who are saving 75% of their income, it takes about 10 years of work to not need to work for the rest of their lives. For people who are okay with living a very frugal life or who have a high paying job, it's possible that number could be achieved even more quickly. That said, it can be difficult to save that much if your income is low, so this approach seems to work best for people with higher-paying jobs.

Finally, you could join a commune, other type of non-traditional community, or live by yourself off the grid. There's still "labor" involved in this type of life, but it may feel less like a "job" or "work" and more like living your life.

With all of this, I think it's important to remember that you don't actually have to be good at your job. You don't have to work hard or sacrifice for your work. You can leave on time and refuse to go "above and beyond". You just need to be competent enough that it's more of a hassle to replace you than it is to keep you- which is actually a pretty low bar in a lot of places. As long as you're meeting your deadlines and producing acceptable work, it doesn't really matter how ambitious you are. Thinking about work that way may help to relieve some of the stress that we associate with jobs and with working.

Some final thoughts. You're probably going to need to do some type of work, but it can be less painful if you plan well. Look for a job that feels meaningful, where you see the product of the work that you're putting in, and where you can manage yourself (or have good management). Try to prioritize living your life if you're not energized by and passionate about the work that you're doing. And make sure to take care of yourself first and foremost. The more you focus on your personal values, goals, and needs, the better you'll feel overall, and the less difficult working will be.

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mydissociativediaries · 1 year

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12/15/2022: Escape

I really am addicted to escapism. That's not news to me, but I'm starting to notice how much I do it. It's the first thing that I do when I wake up, I do it throughout the day, and I do it until I fall asleep. Just entertain myself with my little mind movies.

Recently, I've started trying to focus on what I'm doing now (as opposed to running off with a daydream), and I'm like--yeah, there's a reason that I rely on escapism. What's happening in the present moment isn't necessarily BAD, but it's empty. I don't feel like much of anything while my daydreams make me feel intense emotions--not as much as emotions triggered by real-life events, but it's something.

I'm just sitting here, doing nothing. I'm alone. And I guess it's my fault, but it still sucks.

I don't know what my POS sister does all day, and I don't particularly care, but I know that she and her boyfriend live on a decent patch of land (maaaybe a farm? Or farm-adjacent.) She tells my mom about all the animals that they have, including stray cats. I don't know if she has a job right now, but she works part-time here and there. Her boyfriend works full-time at some labor job that I can't remember now.

They play cards with our parents on Friday evenings (believe me, I make it a point to avoid that house until they've left), sometimes hang out with them on weekends and hang out with his family fairly often. They probably have friends and a decent social life (don't know that for sure, but I don't know why they wouldn't, especially since my POS sister is an extrovert.)

They enjoy the holidays, enjoy their lives together, blah blah...they seem like happy people. I don't think my parents ever worry about her besides the worrying that any parent would do.

My mom worries about me, and my dad probably does to a lesser extent (lmao), but it's like...you're a huge part of the reason that I'm nuts in the first place? That I withdrew from everything, including them? That my scumbag sister and I hate each other? They will NEVER admit that. In their eyes, I'm just too crazy and autistic to function.

And they're not doing anything about it, either. Too busy having fun with Mommy and Daddy's Normal Princess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Boy, would they flip their shit if they saw what I'd written above.

But yeah, my life is just...blank. Absolute zero. Escapism helps me get through the day, but I wish every day that I didn't need it.

I won't say that my POS sister's life is perfect because she's had some struggles, including childhood bullying and being in an abusive relationship (not currently), but everything works out for her.

I imagine what it's like when she wakes up in the morning. She probably wakes up in a good mood, thinking about what's ahead of her for the day. Her and her boyfriend have plans to do regular things. He probably goes to work while she does...whatever it is she does, lmao. I genuinely have no idea. Maybe go to work or tend to the household.

He comes home, they hang out together or visit somebody, blah blah...just a regular, happy life. Nothing strange or dark about it. Nothing upsetting. I don't think she's ever felt like dark waters are pooling in the back of her brain.

No escapism. She probably watches TV and scrolls through social media or whatever like a normal person, but it doesn't get to unhealthy levels. She doesn't have anything to escape from!

I hate being like my mother. She's a mirror of myself, and I hate it. Every day. I actually don't know how my sister maintains a relationship with her because she's nuts. But she and my dad seem to live to boost her ego, so I guess that's why, lmao.

I wish I could just crawl into a cave and live far away from all these people forever.

Thanks for reading,

🏡

#childhood abuse #actually abused #actual ptsd #actually traumatized #actually mentally ill #actually autistic #childhood trauma #abuse survivor #abuse survival #entry

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