#I still love how jeff is the only one who has a surname

[felis-rach]

My take on the party ever (mother 3 guys here)

#I cry about them every day #earthbound #mother 2 #ness earthbound #paula earthbound #jeff andonuts #poo earthbound #I still love how jeff is the only one who has a surname #all the others are from the earthbound house #mother series #earthbound fanart

[hatboyproject]

Synth Anthropomorphisation

I've been generating audio all day for this romance scene script & Jeff's synth is behaving unusually well for his lines, so far. Suspiciously well. Sometimes, I swear it's as if he has a mind of his own & today, he just decided to cooperate with me for some reason.

Sometimes, I have to fight with him to get a decent read out of a line. At his worst, I have to sit there for upwards of an hour, tweaking the same three or four seconds' worth of speech, trying to coax him to read it with the inflection that I need. Sometimes I have to adjust the script's wording to make him "like it" better, or splice together multiple takes to get a word said in the way I like. Occasionally, I have to do even further pitch correction post-generation, and even after all that, I can still end up with a line read that I know isn't working all that well. It can sometimes be a really, really, really mentally draining task. I swear he's more temperamental on some days than others. On different days, I've generated the same line and got a slightly different read.

But today, he seems to like me, a little bit. I'm most of the way through the script now, and I've had to do relatively few corrections on most of them. In fact, he's come out with a few pretty acceptable reads with no corrections at all, and I've just tweaked them as if giving a director's suggestion rather than pushing an instrument around.

I'm aware that I sound like a raving lunatic at the moment and if the weather's decent tomorrow, I swear I'll go outside and touch some grass, but it's hard sometimes not to feel like the goddamned machine hasn't only learned how to enunciate speech like this actor, but has also learned me.

Of course, the logical explanation is that I'm just better at using it and predicting what words he has trouble with, but sometimes, I swear.

Now, FemShep, on the other hand... She's a tricky beast. She likes to get one half of a two sentence line absolutely perfect and crystalline, complete with little breathy flairs and smooth tonal transitions, and then mumble the other half like some kind of stumbling drunk. For almost every FemShep line with more than one sentence, no matter how short, I have to split the lines into multiple takes. The problem is that to keep tone and pitch natural, it's best to include as much of the whole phrase as possible so that it flows. But no, not on Shepard's watch. She loves nothing more than to make me chop everything she says up and stick it together. I swear.

Synth Personalities, as I Understand Them:

Jeff is ornery, but is essentially committed, and if you catch him at the right time, almost affectionate in his willingness to cooperate. Despite sounding dry by default most of the time, it's easy to direct him towards sounding surprisingly tender. Needs larger words spelled phonetically. He is a pilot who can't say the word "fly" without creative assistance and refuses to say his own surname under any circumstances whatsoever. Extremely responsive to punctuation and will alter his reads accordingly.

Shepard is a highly skilled loose cannon that does whatever the hell she wants on her own terms, and occasionally it's miraculous, but it's also always confusing. Can't pronounce "evacuate," no matter how you break it down phonetically. She likes it when you draw out her R, S and H sounds, particularly at the ends of words so she can do this breathy thing. I don't know, but it works. Doesn't give a damn about punctuation unless it's commas or full stops, and even then, only if she feels like it.

EDI does pretty much anything you ask of her, flawlessly, the first time. Any corrections are minimal, and she can handle multiple sentences without sounding awkward. She can handle complicated words like "xenopsychology" with minimal assistance. Always pronounces "Shepard" with good inflection wherever it is in the sentence. Naturally produces deadpan lines with perfect comedic timing. What the fuck.

Garrus is a rambling speaker and is very accepting of unusual words, such as people's names. He takes direction well for the most part, and is excellent when it comes to split clauses. His tone is easy to moderate, but has trouble not joining separate sentences together too quickly. Always needs the "y" in "you" to be lengthened. Easily sounds affectionate or dictatorial. Can even be made to sound as though he is smiling when speaking. Often needs vowels shortening on the ends of words or he will draw them out unreasonably until they disintegrate into nonsense.

Kaidan has perfect tonal variation and terrible artefacting. He sounds like he's reading you the most beautiful, heartfelt thing you're ever gonna hear... From five thousand light-years away on a bad transceiver. He does his best, and his best is surprisingly good at core, but he is tragically limited in overall clarity by quality problems. It's a snap to make him sound caring and romantic, but again... Get a better phone. Usually says "Shepard" too enthusiastically and has to have the letters pitch-altered to fit the rest of the sentence.

Thane sounds confused a lot. Often sounds like he isn't sure about what he's saying, his tone on un-adjusted sentences is usually slightly absent sounding in a way that's difficult to describe. Surprisingly versatile where it comes to trying to copy the weird "Baby Siha" meme. If you don't know what that is, go ahead and look it up, but only if there's a shower nearby, because hearing it will make you feel slimy and uncomfortable in ways you didn't think was possible. Chuckles pretty convincingly.

Male Shepard wants to know what's going on, but first, he will try to explain what's going on as best he understands it being under the effects of god knows what. He often sounds declarative, but in that drunken frat boy kind of way that makes you want to back away slowly and not make eye contact. If he feels like saying your line, though, he'll do it with an impressive capability for mimicking Meer's sometimes unusual style of delivery.

Can't wait to test Jack and Miranda. I bet Jack can swear with incredibly life-like inflection.

#hatboyproject #shoker mod #jeff joker moreau #mass effect #xVASynth #mass effect modding

[umbraastaff]

I’ve just been thinking--it’s about time I make a proper index for my TAZ fics, huh? Also contains: mini-series, ficlets, goof posts, and lyric comics.

(All of the fics are rated G, or T at most for McElroy-appropriate language.)

FICS

I Saw Seven Bounties | Canon Compliant, Enemies to Friends, Complete | Mostly lighthearted, episodic recounting of Kravitz and Barry’s rivalry throughout those first twelve years on Faerun. 24K. -->Extras: Lich Eyes, Fantasy Starbucks, Alt POV for Chapter 1 & Chapter 5, Sorry

They Say Fire Took Phandalin | Small-town supernatural/sorta-haunted-house AU |  Fresh out of grad school, Barry Bluejeans takes a job and a house in the rural nowhere-town of Phandalin. And it’s not like he thought fitting in would be a walk in the park, but the people there all act really weird, and it’s almost like they’re expecting something of him, too. 11K/~20K.

What Can’t Be Done Alone (Detective Squad) | Canon Divergent, Found Family, Fluff | AU where the voidfish works a little better, and Angus never finds the Bureau. Instead, he finds a strange lich in a cave, and he most certainly continues to work this case and not gradually get adopted instead. 18K/~22K. -->Extras: Drangus AU Oneshot

If I Wanted to be Funny I’d Name This Fic “The Time Belt” | Futuristic sci-fi AU feat. time travel | Taako meets the only people in years who recognize the Institute’s name. Known time criminal Barry Bluejeans continues to evade law enforcement. 2K/??.

Overgrowth / Undercurrent | Roleswap AU, Johnchurch, Pining, Twoshot, Happy ending optional | Overgrowth is a oneshot that follows John, the Starblaster’s chief diplomat, through a series of parleys with Merle, the center of the plane-consuming mass of plants that’s been chasing his crew. Undercurrent is a sequel about their post-canon reunion. 4K + 6K. --> Extras: PLAYLIST by @merle-casts-zone-of-truth

Davenport Remembers | Post-canon, Oneshot | Davenport meets with his crew members to try to reconcile his anger with Lucretia, or to decide whether he should. 1.5K.

MINI-SERIES

AU Where Taako is a Lich - Pretty much what it says on the tin here, folks!

Baritz (ask series) - A fusion of Barry and Kravitz, who took over my blog and answered asks for a while. (He originated in the Gallows/S&S lyric comic.)

Good Adventures (Good Omens crossover) - The Antichrist’s wishes summon the wrong boatful of aliens. Thankfully, it seems they’re apocalypse experts. [with plot-ideas help from @avijohann​.]

Omen Zone (Good Omens crossover 2) - Barry is a demon. Kravitz is an angel. Kravitz probably won’t ever admit that they’re friends.

Pokémon: Century Version (Pokémon crossover) - Stolen Century AU where they’re all pokémon trainers. Faerun spin-off: Double Trouble

Till Death, Don’t Let’s Start - Barry fucks up. Kravitz is present.

Very Normal Blog Posts (ask series) - In which Garfield is not at all dangerous, and I am perfectly fine. <alt: chronological link - desktop only>

COMICS & ART

Gallows/Steady and Stronger (Double lyric comic) - Canon-divergent AU where, as the world is ending, Barry gives up to Kravitz. [Image description version]

[Lyric Comics] - Other, shorter lyric comics based on single verses of songs.

Dear Scientist’s Log (series) - Illustrated ship logs from Barry J. Bluejeans.

Movie Madness (Comic) - Barry obsesses over the unforgivable.

Palette Prompts (Arts) - Art from art meme prompts.

Pregananant (goof comic) - You know the one.

REAPER (Comic) - Baritz fuses with Lup.

These Jeans? (Animatic) - Barry advertises jeans.

They’re Both Tessa Thompson (Comic) - Lucretia has a nightmare. Barry reassures her.

War (Goof comic) - prompt: "taakitz with CAT”

What’s bigger than this? - The Red Robe.

FICLETS

Back Soon - Kravitz leaves a note with unfortunate wording.

Bodyswap: Barry & Davenport - During Wonderland.

Casual - AU where the red robe talks like a normal person.

Command - Barry misuses his magic.

Davenport - There’s something unsettling about that butler.

Hangin’ Out - Lup and Magnus.

Harvest - Roleswap AU: Barry is the Hunger.

Healing Necromancy - Merle tries to teach Barry some tricks.

Hope - Barry knows she’s still out there.

How Long? - Taako is frustrated.

In Pieces - The staff.

Liches Forget Too - AU.

Lucretia Forgets - In which there was a mistake with the voidfish ichor.

Lup’s Robe - Gifts from Taako.

Mourning Glories - The flowers in Merle’s beard.

New Years - Celebrations and fears.

Parole - Barry and Kravitz bonding hours.

Phone a Friend - Baritz (the fusion from Gallows/S&S) meets Angus.

Raising the Dead - Barry has to use his crew members’ corpses. [sequel]

Robbie...? - Magnus breaks into the brig immediately after Petals to the Metal.

Second Apocalypse - Based on that one party liveshow. What was the rest of the crew doing, again?

3 Sentence Fics - Pairing + AU prompts.

Smartstone - Lup gets stuck in a Stone of Far Speech, instead.

Stir Crazy - Barry waiting for a new body to grow. Thoughts of Lucretia.

Writing Things Down - In case you forget (again).

You Remember - Taako remembers.

PROMINENT GOOFS

Barry’s Dead - But he’s fine! Calm down!

Character Development - Joke’s on you, DM!

Crystal Kingdom - An absolutely bonkers arc.

Dealer - Merle pun.

Decapitate Me - for making this post

Don’t Care - Taako during the finale. [bonus]

Epilogue - Bracer struggles. [bonus: 1, 2]

Explain the Hunger (Good Omens crossover) - Magnus explains the hunger to Aziraphale and Crowley. They react in varying ways. [with cursed art contributions from @avijohann and @mspainttaz]

Fifteen Dollars - Plus interest. [Bonus]

Fullmetal Kingdom - They’re the same, right?

Gender - And lack of roles.

Gnomes Don’t Exist - They’re all aliens, actually.

Hot Diggity Shit - Been a while.

Icon Confusion - The saga of people thinking my icon is a carrot. [chrono link - desktop only]

Incomprehensible Denim - Jeff Angel’s illegal pants.

In Case it Changes Anything - Taako, Kravitz, and lies.

Irresponsible Teens - Magnus and Lucretia get into trouble.

I Saw Seven Nerds - That’s the post.

Gogurt - Taako’s crimes.

Learning to Drive - i.e. Barry & Davenport Bonding(?) Hours.

Live Shows - The general mood.

Lucretia’s Efforts - A proper meme? On my TAZ blog?

Lup Said No Thanks - That time Magnus was in a tree.

Magnus’ Death - So many close calls.

Nearest Middle-Aged Woman - Clint’s characters’ friends.

Necromancy? - You must be mistaken!

Ned’s Aliases - The Truth.

Pirate Debt - Davenport during that one liveshow.

Punch Squad - SQUAD!

Reaper Cloak - Thoughts.

Relic Names - She probably changed them.

Responsible Necromancy - Good and bad ideas.

Resume - It’s not like they thought it would be relevant.

Schools of Magic - And the Sash was what, again?

Self Care - Respect the dead, please.

Server Shenaniganry (art) - TAAKO THE CAT, NO!

Soulmate AU - Where your soulmate’s greatest enemy is on your wrist. [alt]

Stern’s Truth - You Know.

Taako’s Last Name - Taako’s last name.

Team Composition - The post where everyone wants to argue with me about what qualifies as a wizard.

Third Option - Taako saves the day.

You’re Laughing - End of Suffering Game.

THEORIES/MECHANICS/THOUGHTS

Aloof - Holes Taako refuses to fill.

Barry’s Lucky Possessee - Graphic novel theory hopes & dreams.

Catpiling - Stolen Century thought.

Davenport’s Deaths - Sucks when you always wake up driving.

Death Leaves a Mark - Stolen Century AU concept.

Everyone Else - Some people didn’t get perfect endings.

Fantasy Nonsense - lore about the word “fantasy,” as in “Jesus Fantasy Christ.”

Fragments - Magnus’ memory.

Forgiveness - Old post about the crew’s thoughts on Lucretia’s actions.

Forgot to Erase - Lucretia’s errors.

FULL TIMELINE POST - the Balance timeline.

Gauntlet - (disproven!) Theory about the final relic, from before it was confirmed in the show.

Gnome Nicknames - Thoughts on Cap’nport.

High School AU - Some old headcanons.

Home World Names - The pattern in surnames (or lack thereof) on the IPRE’s homeworld.

Hour - This isn’t a thought so much as an Actual Thing That Magnus Said before the time loops had started, which is absurd.

Idiots in Love - The IPRE’s collective braincell was lost for all of Legato. [2]

Liches, Alone - Being stuck as raw emotion for an awfully long time.

Losing Julia - And subsequent developments.

Love - What was remembered and forgotten.

Love Without Fear - Thoughts on bonds during the Stolen Century.

Memory - Barry actually shouldn’t have remembered anything.

Nickname - Memory of Lup.

Paladin Barry Theory - Converging evidence on Barry’s multiclassing.

Paradox AU - blueprint for 8th, 9th, 10th, etc. Bird AU of your choice(s). (Extra)

Phylactery Mechanics - How liches differ.

Produce Flame - Mechanics of John killing Merle.

Recklessness - THB’s actions recontextualized.

Relic Schools of Magic - They don’t have them!!!

Relicswap AU - Where all the birds get swapped out.

Seven Birds as Gods - Ask-prompt thoughts.

Staring at the Sun - The birds and their light sensitivity.

Story, Song, & Sorcery - Effects on the young population.

Sword Tornado - Magnus Mechanics. [bonus: Time Warlock]

The Good Place AU - A series of crossover thoughts.

Tree Climbing - Davenport shenanigans.

Unique Magic Types - [and combo styles]

What Killed Maureen - hint: it wasn’t Fisher.

#the adventure zone #taz balance #mine #index #there were a fair few in here that id forgotten about too! #god i hope i didnt mess up any of these links

[xllxxrbxg]

hmmm gold digger prank yaya call my aliens from mars and tell them to get the gold

hmmmm idkkkk. update ko lang sa life rn may bebe na me. karlo is his name. he's a nice guy. takes me out (not as a hitman) occasionally. I like how he treats me; he gives me freedom. And it only means he trusts me very well. I dont have any idea where he gets the energy to trust me, but that's how it goes. Kinda shocking ba na may bebe na me hihi kakasabi ko lang sa las entry ko na ayoko maging taken GAGI tapos here i am parang clown. Pero anyways, masarap lang din sa feeling na may nakakaappreciate sayo nang ganun. Tho we just met palang and since day 1 of that meeting him personally, magkalandian na kami agad AHSDHAHDHA kasi sa chat di naman kami nag flirt in any way usap lang lagi. And di ko rin sya feel non sa chat kasi parang ang kulit na ewan, pero LOOK AT ME. So ayon naglaplapan kami the other other week pa. Make out game strongk naman kahit papano pero man his hands ... they long asffff. Anyway ayon I asked for a hickey, gave me one, and the next morning I was scolded by mom lmfao WAS FUNNY TBH BECAUSE i didnt even try to hide it. And my tito also saw it he was like "ano yang nasa neck mo? bat may pasa" and i was like "ah hehe yung ano kasi yung necklace" AHASDHHADHASH AND MOM WAS THERE SHE WAS LIKE "yung necklace nya nagtala sa pagtulog nya *sips coffee bites bread* HAHAHAHHAHAHA OMFG but later on when we went to camalig she noticed it was a real hickey and yeah I got scolded because Im so pasaway daa. Anyways LOVE YOU MOM UWU! HEHE. So ayon nga ayoko na magpromis na maglolog in ako dito daily kasi di naman natutupad. Pero kahapon kwento ko lang mars nagsakay ako sa big bike GARA PAREH as in lahat nakatingin sa tormots nung kasama ko. Nameet ko lang din sa bumble tho tig vibe check ko man sya for several weeks. And sya rin kausap ko nung time na suicidal ako so goods naman. Ok naman sya may dead air lang kaso sometimes baka nagkakahiyaan and stuff. nilibre nya ako ng milk tea, AND HAHA KASI ang weirdt tho nagtanggal ako mask. Di ako usually natanggal mask, heck si jeff na bff q never pa ako nakita personally na walang mask HAHAHAHA Anw ayon was fun tho napa Holy Mary ako habang nakasakay sa likod niya. Kasi first of all the ride was bumpy, second of all the seat was small ASS!!! and walang hawakan sa likod. Anyway people were staing hihi I DO LOVE ATTENTION! I was wearing a tank top, cargo pants, combat boots, and on top of it all I had a tatt on my arm. DAMN SHAWDDIE @ ME. LOL. Loved the temporary feeling of royalty. Gara ba naman ng motor. It was green and black in color and it was a cool ass expensive motor !! it was worth 300k+ if irc. ANW ayun had fun naman. Tho I mostly did it so that I would stray from depression but I am still depressed. I have to do something about it INTERNALLY and deal with it with myself. And stop going out with people as a shortcut to heal the depression. But anw ayun I am glad there are people that go out with me because I am sad. Plus I am grateful Karlo allows me to go out with my other friends despite that they are guys. Man that guy trusts me so much, I will not break it. Anyways he's a nice guy, but at the same time you cant have it all yk. I dont like it when he walks ahead of me just cause he has longer legs and bikes, but we can work on that. Anyways, people underestimate people on bumble. Some guys don't look like it but theyre actually rich. First example i have is AJ. he aint lookin rich man. If anything, he looks like he smokes 8 packs a day. But I was wrong he actually smokes 9. CHAROT. Mans was like teasing me most of the time and I GOT PISSED SO I FIRED BACK. but days passed he sent me 1.3k--- LIKE WHAT FOR WHAT????? I was mean yet he knew I needed something to cheer me up and HE SENT MONEY?? WHO THE FUCK SENDS 1.3K AHAHAHHAHAH SHET GANDALANGTALAGAMINSANMARS Then the other one I met just yesterday was dustin. He goes to school at UST manila and he treated me outside too. He owns the 300k motor BUT TELL YOU WHAT HE AINT LOOKIN RICH ON HIS PROFILE. If anything, I wouldnt swipe right tbh but apprarently, I did. So lesson here is dont judge people by their looks,

actually try to have a conversation with them, and treat them fairly and not be mean just because its online. Also, mostly the goodlooking ones on these dating apps are the asshole ones lmfao. Tho there are guys who look like literal shit and are assholes too. Lol anyway the third one is Karlo which I started seeing a month ago. I met up with him because I was visiting Naga temporarily and then I got bored. Supposedly I would meet up with miki because we were talking for sometime already but he was not making things happen so I just grabbed whoever was available that time and it was Karlo. Was hesitant at first, because I didnt match the vibe he had online and was too makulit for me. But to my surprise on our very first meeting, he picked me up with a fortuner. I thought he'd bring a clanky ass car or somn when he said he'd borrow from his father. Anw, was nervous when I entered the car because I was unfamiliar with the person and it was sinking into me that it could be my last day on earth. So I was like yeah he might have a car yada yada yada didnt pay much attention just yet. So we went to this field apparently people call it naga view. not much too see just overlooking the city. IT WAS A DAMN FIELD!!!!!! IDK WTD BUT HE TOOK ME THERE I WAS READY TO FIGHT FOR MY LIFE I HAD A CUTTER WITH MEEE anways.... was fun date. we had to return the car by 3 we were kinda late. so we went to his house was a nice house it had an office. was then again surprised to see a signange with their surname on it and it entailed they had a realty firm. And also turns out they own a damn resort. bro. both of his parents are engineers and are real estate brokers. and it ain even show on the pfffppp man people on bumble really be keeping it lowkey. Pero yeah he isnt rich, his parents are. that makes him a rich kid. But anw di ko naman habol money ew im not like that. I may like free stuf, but I dont chase people for money unless theyre my client or if i lent money lmfao. Just surprises me how people be rich. like damn his bike is like 130k...... man what in the wealth.... also theres zef. another good friend of mine. his dads a lawyer. idk but they seem rich plus his bike costs 65k...... thats cheper than karlos but like........... yall underestimate bikers too. man they RICH. tho you can get budget bikes but idk how youll keep up with guys that has feather weight expensive ass bikes that they hoist up single handedly LMAO. eat the rich. anyways i guess this is what this entry is all about. Me making kwento about people that are rich. I will get rich soon too. I know God will help us get what we deserve after all that losing, it is time to win. <3333

[nonbinarysasquatch]

Getting Over Jeff.

“You know, my whole life I’ve only known how to be really good or really bad. But, being a human is… living in that kind of in-between space. It’s making mistakes and that’s very scary but… also very cool.”

After a season filled with intense plotting, we finally take a breather for an episode that’s more light hearted.

Josh “Big Boy” Chan:

Josh forgets the word for man and gets a job at Homebase and has the audacity to question whether Heather is smarter and cooler than he is.

I have a lot of thoughts about Josh’s arc in the remainder of season 3. While, I think ending the Josh/Rebecca arc when they did was the right choice, there’s no denying it left Josh without much to do. (And for the record, the original plan sounds completely awful and I am so thankful they didn’t go that direction.)

Still, it’s interesting seeing Josh do some stuff that has nothing to do with Rebecca or Valencia and Heather isn’t a character he’s interacted with often without Rebecca also being around. And I think it’s good to have him openly acknowledge that he’s lost and spiraling without the comfort of the women in his life telling him what he should be doing.

Darryl/White Josh:

The saddest break up of the season, as Madison basically tricks them into breaking up. David Hull doesn’t often come up when people are praising actors for this show but I actually really like his acting when he realises they are breaking up. It’s appropriate for his character.

Like David Hull in general probably doesn’t get enough credit. He’s the only lead part on the show that didn’t originate from the writers. The part was written for him because they liked him. And he’s done a lot with the role.

So here’s my salute to David Hull and White Josh. He may be named after Josh but he’s his own man.

Rebecca/Nathaniel:

There’s some cute stuff with these two in this episode. If you squint and ignore everything else about their relationship, you can almost see a healthy relationship.

Of course, I don’t think we should ignore everything that lead them up to this point. But as someone who relates a lot to Rebecca, it’s nice to be able to see her do normal, cute relationship stuff.

Paula/Rebecca/Jeff/Bob:

Bob Proctor is terrible. Now, just like I was critical of Josh, palling up with Rebecca’s mom and telling her how awesome she was, I have to be critical of Rebecca for not just palling around with Bob but pretty much ignoring Paula in a moment where she could’ve definitely used a friend.

I’ve never had the experience of being amused by someone else’s terrible father. I usually felt like I’ve had the exact opposite experience, where I think someone’s father is terrible and they are the ones amused by them. But hey, I grew up in East Texas where guys like Bob are seen as normal.

But thinking about Paula growing up with Bob is unpleasant and it clearly shaped a lot of who she is. I’d love to see what her mother is like (and the sister she mentioned in “I Never Want to See Josh Again.”)

Paula happens to run into her Josh Chan, Jeff Channington (which, astoundingly is apparently a real, albeit obscure, surname.) I like the parallels with Rebecca in the first two episodes of the series and a reference to that feeling like glitter is exploding inside of her.

Things for Paula go a bit differently as she flirts with the idea of pursuing Jeff but in reality, she only needed to find out that he regretted breaking up with her in order to let go of the fantasy.

And then Becks and Bob come running in with a shotgun. Such a classy guy. Who, ew, read Paula’s diary. No wonder Paula has boundary issues.

But Paula and Rebecca have the wonderful same size spoons conversation. But still. If I were Paula, I would’ve come down on Rebecca harder for buddying up with my garbage dad. But I guess she feels for Rebecca and her own poor father experiences.

Once back in West Covina, Paula has a nice moment with Scott, revealing that after Brad Pitt in Thelma & Louise, he’s her first pick for who she’d want to spend the rest of her life with.

The Songs:

First Penis I Saw: Allow me to count the ways I love thee. This season has already had a ton of amazing songs and this is another one to add to the pile. It’s an ABBA parody about penises, amazingly performed by Donna Lynne Champlin (give this woman an Emmy, goddammit.)

My Friend’s Dad: Not one of my favourites. In fact, I’d probably rank it pretty low if I were ranking ALL of the songs in a list. Like on the one hand, some of those old Shirley Temple songs were creepy as fuck (seriously, she sang love songs to grown men) but everything about Bob is just so gross and uncomfortable that the joke is maybe too easy. But, eh, they can’t all be winners.

Episode Rating: 9.0 out of 10.0.

If it were just the Paula stuff and Darryl and WhiJo’s break up I’d rate it higher but Big Boy Josh and Bob and Rebecca being buddies weighs it down a little.

#crazy ex girlfriend #Getting Over Jeff. #same size spoons #the most romantic thing the show has ever done tbh #and it's between paula and rebecca #I just realised I've managed to go two reviews without talking about Dr. Shin #Dr. Shin is great #and I like seeing Rebecca having these really authentic therapy scenes #like the actor who plays Dr. Shin is great #because goddamn he feels like a real psychiatrist #I love Akopian #and Michael Hyatt is a gift #but no therapist I've ever had acts like her

[faded-coat-of-blue]

d&d ask meme - 4.

4 - My current campaign.CAMPAIGN 1:I mean you literally DM it you of all people should know what's going on. Baaaasically it's called 'Apogee of Ages' (rad name) and heroes haven't been necessary for, like, a BILLION years but now they are and oh shit. I believe the rough technology for the setting is both high fantasy and also the 1910s (think I'm getting that right). Also it's the first thing I've written fanfic for in ages and I'm v proud of it.PCs:Colm Blackmore - It me. Trash paladin who lost all his cash because he slept in a ditch and rolled a 0 on perception. Has a rad magical horse called Hronrād. Learning to have caution and also to care for new people.Ta Li Sa Kohaku - Also trash just a different trash from Colm. Wild magic sorcerer, and it shows. Pyromaniac with an unhealthy thirst for knowledge who beats themselves up about everything and shouldn't. The 'Heroes of Fire and Blood' is not a good party name. Also a heathen which is bad. Gwyn - A heathen which is bad. He's also trash but again a different flavour of trash. Old One warlock who is metaphorically horny for anything Lovecraftian. Looks like the voice of reason but isn't. At all.Sha Re - Looks like the voice of reason and is. At all. Literally the only sensible one in this entire campaign which is a problem objectively speaking. Old as fuck and knows basically everything. Wizard (not sure what school). Has never taken a single point of damage in his life.Adalet - I finally learnt to spell her name so now I can tell you with utmost confidence that she is also trash. Gave up all of her traumatic memories as a 'sacrifice' which was smart af. Once got possessed by a ghost and forced to relive a horrific house fire. Colm has never laser-beamed her. Raven Queen warlock.Calia (sp.?) - New rogue member of the party. Seems very polite and nice and kind but honestly I don't trust like that. We met them in Verskia and honestly nothing good has come out of that city yet.Camera Girl - I forget her name but I know it's a brand of camera. Cool monk who had an alcoholic teacher but had never touched it herself - until she met this party. Like with Gwyn, looks reasonable but is fully OK with facilitating shenanigans. Has never rolled below a 15 except ONCE and it was very very notable. Now likes to read a lot more than she used to.Ska Rev (retired) - Badass half-orc cleric with a glowing shield and a limited vocabulary. I cannot stress how well she was RPed re: the vocabulary it was amazingly done. Once just fucking climbed an entire kraken. Broke Ta Li's fingers which resulted in major major infighting.Selise / Celise (retired) - ALSO TRASH but we miss her loads. A rich brawl child. Will fight anyone and anything. Barbearian. Hooked up with an adventurer from a different party and ditched us for them. Fought Colm a lot.CAMPAIGN 2:OK so I'm also DMing a Curse of Strahd game for some other friends and it's chaos, PCs keep dying or touching clearly evil shit and hence getting incredibly corrupted. One player has been playing two separate characters for the past year or so.PCs:Puff of House Magic Dragon: Yes you heard that right. Alcoholic pyromaniac draconic sorcerer, Puff loves fire but also for some reason has a Staff of Frost. Currently covered in fur due to touching something he shouldn't and also I believe he currently has no eyes. Has killed two separate party members. Actually has a super tragic backstory and loves Tyalus.Tyalus - Puff's bf. Also played by the same player as Puff. A brad. Tyalus plays the bagpipes and also his surname is an anagram of 'bagpipes'. Tyalus is actually vaguely close to being sensible but also has the same furry-and-eyeless deal going on as Puff.Kara - Relatively new to the party, Kara is a paladin sent to track down another party member. Sadly she turned up and they were dead so now she's stuck with this lot. Recently came into ownership of a massive stone golem which she immediately named 'Lazarus' for some fucking reason.Ur'Go - Half-orc warlock. Along with Puff, one of only two of the original group currently left adventuring. Ur'go has a rad eyepatch now and also is a very very good cook. Is very much enjoying being invisible. Quiet, but pretty much the backbone of the team. Also she has skeletal wings now and is on a diet of bones and grave dirt don't question it.Barney 'Earbender'/'Kinslayer' Myastan - Seriously what is it with these dragonborn and their horribly tragic backstories. The only recorded instance of a hot pink dragonborn, Barney has recently developed a 19th century British accent. He is a frenzy barb who bakes cupcakes as therapy. All diplomacy is done via cupcakes. Have you heard of him? He currently looks like a corpse as a sacrifice to enable him to resurrect his little sister.Bella Myastan - Barney's little sister, the newest member of the group. Also a dragonborn with a tragic backstory. A life cleric. Enthusiastic and optimistic to a stupidly cute degree like what the fuck this literal child is not ready for the horrors of Barovia.Kithri Hillgallow (temporarily retired) - Kithri's player is currently living in Russia so she herself is trekking in the Barovian mountains / hyperbolic time chamber for the time being. The most wholesome land druid you'll ever meet, this halfling cartographer is like the most Hobbit-esque character in the world I swear down to you, no tragic backstory, loves Sunday roast. She recently acquired a rad hummingbird tattoo.Asher Martikov (guest character) - Still positive despite having lived in Barovia all her life. Cleric-in-training from a family of wereravens who, in her first and only combat, used a barrel of explosive goo as her hiding place from which she was firing her crossbow. Always amiable towards the party.Jeff (deceased) - Strahd's #1 fangirl. Incredibly unlucky both in game and out. Tiefling paladin who purchased a cool porcelain mask shortly before her accidental death at the burning hands of Puff. Her resurrection ritual failed, and in her honour, the party melted her down into Jeff soup. There is no way this can come back to bite them.To-ran (retired) - A peaceful human monk who wields a stale baguette and is weirdly good at making statues out of clay. Once even used this talent to smuggle two dead bodies out of a town. Touched 9 cursed items in under an hour, and is now incredibly evil. Abandoned the party recently in the dead of night.Lorelei (deceased) - One of the four originals (Puff, Jeff, Ur'Go, Lorelei), Lorelei took no shit from anyone, was crafty and greedy, and didn't trust a single member of the group, especially not Puff. Her greed was her downfall, as, in the Amber Temple, she split away from the group, only to be struck down by a powerful foe...I think that literally took me an hour to write hope it answers it!

[x-irememberyearsago-x]

Take care of her – Jeff Atkins x Reader

Summary: This happens after Jeff's death and before Hannah's suicide. Let's say, a week after the car accident. Jeff and the reader had been dating for about a year.

I listened to this song while writing the one shot.

Reader's point of view.

Words: 1737

Your name: submit What is this? document.getElementById("submit").addEventListener('click', function(){ walk(document.body, /\by\/n\b|\(y\/n\)/ig, document.getElementById("inputTxt").value); }); function walk(node, v, p){ var child, next; switch (node.nodeType){ case 1: // Element case 9: // Document case 11: // Document fragment child = node.firstChild; while (child){ next = child.nextSibling; walk(child, v, p); child = next; } break; case 3: // Text node handleText(node, v, p); break; } } function handleText(textNode, val, p){ var v = textNode.nodeValue; v = v.replace(val, p); textNode.nodeValue = v; }

I looked again at the clock of that gray and dull reception. I hit the heel of my shoe against the ground, desperate to get out of here. I had class, moreover, I needed to keep my mind occupied, before anxiety absorbed my body. I took deep breaths as I concentrated on people coming and going. No one dared to glance at me, not even the receptionist. I sighed and looked down at my fingers.

"I'm glad you're here. Come to my office”

"You quoted me here, Mr. Porter," I mumbled as I grabbed my backpack and followed. It's not like I had any other choice. The receptionist had only looked at me when she went after me during the history class.

"Take a seat." Mr. Porter pointed as he closed the door and walked to his place. I obeyed and dropped my backpack "I found out that you left the squadron"

I shrugged.

"So?" It was nothing to be alarmed about in that way. Mr. Porter smiled, but without any joy.

"It surprises me. According to your colleagues, you enjoyed this activity”

"No more." I looked away. I had been engaged for the last forty-eight hours in forgetting the moment when I gave up my uniform. Jessica and Sheri insisted that I shouldn’t.

"This week you have continued to do your work, but your teachers have noticed your isolation." I looked back at the man and sighed "What is going on in your mind, Y/N?"

I let out a bitter laugh.

"Seriously? Are you really asking me that, Mr Porter? "

"I want to help you, Y/N. It has been difficult to lose someone important, I understand, what happened to Mr. Atkins was a misfortune, but you have to learn the lesson of this ...”

"He wasn’t drunk, okay ?! I'm really tired of hearing everyone say the opposite, the teachers wanting to show us a fucking lesson for something they didn’t witness. "I was really annoyed to hear their judgments." I was the last person I spoke to him, ten minutes before that damn accident. He wasn’t drunk "

"Y/N"

"And I neither wasn’t, if that's what's going on in your head, Mr. Porter, I have road education. Moreover, I ‘m not the only one who can testify against such judgments and their moral teachings; Clay Jensen was there with us”

I leaned back in the chair and covered my mouth. I didn’t have to be discussing this with the counselor, I cared little that he tried to help me, I just wanted to occupy my mind in other things, I reserved the nights to think about Jeff and immerse myself in my own agony. I squeezed my eyelids avoiding tears.

"You're going through a duel, Y/N, and I'm here to help you"

"Listen, I thank you for trying, but no, I don’t want to be helped, just treat me as if I were invisible, like the rest of my classmates out of simple pity. I have to go to class”

"There must be something you want and your spirits up." Mr. Porter stopped me with those words. I snorted and looked at him.

"All I want now is Jeff Atkins, healthy and happy. And neither can you achieve it”

I grabbed my backpack and hurried out of there. The emptiness in my chest was beginning to make itself felt, and I couldn’t bear to break myself in the face of idiots who would only turn to see me out of curiosity, not because they intended to help me.

The corridors were empty, the first period wasn’t over, I would have to see myself in the annoying need to ask for the notes and task of history, my mood was not fit to return to the room. I wandered through the corridors, aimlessly, unconsciously; I reached the row of lockers, where his was, adorned with his photo and thousands of notes. I felt a lump in my throat. Jeff Atkins was a good guy, someone who cared about uploading his grades, practicing baseball, and getting a college scholarship he had taken this fall. My class is the same as Clay Jensen, so I just should have survived this hell a bit more without Jeff. We had so much plans, I didn’t know if I could follow them by my own foot. Alone. I stopped in front of his locker, my eyes on his, happy, just as I remembered them and that smile that I loved so much. The tears began to come out of my eyes. I ignored the notes that left him, had too many that some were already on others. I took my post it from my backpack and with a random pen scrawled some simple words that he knew them. "You are the love of my life, always will be" I placed the note next to his photo, covering another and I allowed to close my eyes. I remembered the times that surprised him here; I imagined his smile and the moment he put his arm around my shoulders to leave.

"I need you" I whispered.

 The bell of the end of the period startled me. I wiped my tears before the first door opened and I walked away from the locker without looking back. Many noticed that I was there; I could feel their eyes behind me, because that is what they had been doing for a week, nobody dared to meet my eyes. I arrived in silence at the communication room. My eyes on the floor, I heard Zach and Justin calling me but I just smiled in their direction, not looking up. I settled at the last table, just in front of those paper bags. I had a few little notes that I refused to take out of my bag, I knew they would be condolences. I fixed my eyes on my notebook.

The class passed in a debate about the prudence in front of the steering wheel, when were they going to surpass that subject? My ears burned just to hear the words car and accident in the same sentence. Several looked at me sideways, hardly anyone dared mention Jeff.

"Excuse me, Professor; Mr. Porter wants to see Clay Jensen in his office"

I quickly looked up at the receptionist whose name I didn’t know, it had to be new or something. My stomach contracted, wouldn’t it? Why Clay was going to go with Mr. Porter? Damn! Clay looked hesitant as he grabbed his backpack. Everyone was silent, I was the only one frozen, by a demon, me and my mouth. When Jensen left the room, the discussion resumed. But I no longer listened to the words, my heart was racing, my hands began to sweat, my ears buzzed, I couldn’t allow this. I knew the relationship between Jeff and Clay, he was also very affected. He was the one who found it. He called the police. He was the one who warned me and held me when I collapsed on the pavement as I recognized Jeff's car.

"I don’t feel well" I exploded interrupting the class. My breath was starting to fail, I grabbed my backpack, held my chest with my arm, and it started to hurt a lot. As I made my way out, I heard murmurs.

"I heard she’s pregnant, poor Jeff Jr." I recognized Justin's voice but what made me turn around was the little laughs.

I looked at them angrily, although I had a cordial relationship with all of them, I had never cared. My eyes collided with the only person who didn’t seem to be amused by this attempt at a joke. Hannah Baker smiled at me, not with joy, but rather wanting to support me, give me strength. I couldn’t return the gesture and left the classroom. I ran down the aisles, hoping to get there before Clay finished in Mr. Porter's office. Luckily I found him before he went through the doors.

"Jensen!" I screamed with the force my lungs allowed me. He stopped and looked at me in surprise, we had not talked since the funeral.

I slowed my pace and he cut the distance between us. I took a breath.

"I know why he called you," I said shortly. He waited in silence. "This morning he wanted to talk to me, I was exasperated and I ended up telling him that you also knew that Jeff wasn’t drunk"

He raised his eyebrows. I noticed his gaze darken; however,i hadn’t found any shine these last days.

"It's okay," he murmured. He started to leave but almost immediately stopped and turned to see me "There is something else you have to know, Y/N"

My heart stopped for a few seconds. Clay pulled something out of his wallet, a crumpled and stained paper.

"When I found Jeff, there was a note in his hand." He unfolded it in front of me, my stomach churning as I realized that those spots were my boyfriend's dried blood.

But the words finally broke me.

"Whatever ... Take care of her ... Y/N Y / L" The last letters of my surname were barely visible. I took the paper with shaking hands and my eyes clouded.

"He still had the strength to write that." Clay's voice sounded broken but calm. "I know how much he loved you, I tried to get close to you, but you didn’t let me in. I didn’t know how to tell you about this”

I looked at him, no matter whether he saw me crying or someone coming out of a room and finding us. I just didn’t care.

"Can I ... can I ...?"

"Sure." He pointed to the paper. It was just what I wanted. Stick with the last thing Jeff had written. That made me love him more.

"Ah, Mr. Jensen, Miss Y/L, I hope I can talk to you both." Mr. Porter stared at mine, waiting for me to run away, but this time I let myself be taken by Clay.

My mind wandered in a Jeff with his last heartbeat writing the same note that now posed in my hands and that had become my main treasure.

#13 reasons why #13rw #13rwedit #13rw spoilers #13rw fanfiction #thirteen reasons why #one shot #jeff atkins #jeff atkins x reader #hannah baker #clay jensen #zach dempsey #justin foley #liberty high school #tape 10 #sheri holland #jessica davis #jeff atkins one shot #jeff atkins imagine #13rw imagine #13 reasons why imagine

[justeazes]

casually re-emerges from the void... I know I never do this but I just listened to the full version of Bad Luck Charm and I have to talk about it. It’s like the edgiest thing ever but I’m legitimately emotional about it, it’s so good! So painful but so good!! And this got long so it’s going under a cut.

Okay! Okay, so. This is a song that is absolutely entrenched in self-loathing. I love that despite the lyrics never coming out and explicitly saying “I believe everything’s my fault and I hate myself”, you still get smacked in the face with that feeling just because of how self-deprecating every single line is. The whole thing is non-stop misery, without a single break or ray of hope. Just like Qrow’s life!

The chorus (I’m a cursed black cat etc etc) repeats three times, becoming frenzied on the last repetition right before the end. No clue if this is what Jeff Williams intended or not, but it makes me think of Qrow telling himself that over and over, both as a way of punishing himself and a way of keeping himself in line when he starts longing to connect with people. I could see him feeling like he has to keep reminding himself, because he's afraid if he forgets even for a moment then he’ll lose the people he cares about. Actually, the whole thing kind of gives me that vibe! The lyrics are mainly addressed to an outside presence, and he’s clearly warning them and trying to push them away, but I think he might also be saying it to himself at the same time as a means of isolating himself even further. That’s sort of my impression, anyway! Maybe?

Moving on! While everything about this song is super depressing, hands down the lines that I find most heart-wrenching are “I am no one’s blessing” and “you don’t want the burden of my name”. The “wen” in Branwen comes from the name Gwen, which means blessed in Welsh (among other things), but, well, Qrow is as far as you can get from being blessed. So that first line is him being aware of that and actively rejecting the meaning in his surname, which hurts me in ways I can’t articulate.

And then there’s the second lyric! Calling Qrow’s name a burden is such a perfect way to describe it, I really love this line. Names are an incredibly intrinsic part of a person’s identity, and usually they’re associated with nice, pleasant things! Sometimes parents specifically choose a name to embody their wishes for their child and who they’ll grow up to be, like in the case of virtue names. But Qrow’s name has only negative meanings attached to it; rather than being something that guides him in a good direction, it’s just another weight on him that reminds him he’ll always bring suffering to others. His Semblance is so wrapped up in every part of him, he couldn’t escape it even if he tried. (And he won’t try, because he doesn’t believe he can and probably doesn’t think he deserves to be happy anyway!)

It’s just too much, he’s so sad, and I’m so sad, and everything is!! So sad!! He deserves the opposite of this! He deserves hugs and warmth and compassion and love, and not knowing if he’ll ever get any kind of lasting happiness is breaking my heart. PLEASE LET HIM HAVE NICE THINGS... PLEASE.....

(Sorry if this annoys anyone! It’s not meant to be insightful analysis or anything, I just wanted to share my thoughts ;; Thank you for reading...!)

#qrow branwen #I'M REALLY UPSET ABOUT THIS DRUNK BIRD #also a fun thing to do when listening to bad luck charm #is to look at the lyrics and pick out the ones that also fit blake #like 'i don't mean to bring you pain; but i will just why i can't explain' #and by fun i mean not fun at all! i'm in so much pain! this is very very painful! #anyway back into the void i go now (probably) #i hope everyone's doing well!!

[melissagromley]

Amazon is a confusing company. On the one side, it is a convenient place to find and purchase those hard to find items for a decent price that you wouldn’t find elsewhere. Prices are usually reasonable and delivery of the product you purchase is quick. In recent times though, Amazon has gone through several stages of being there for the customer and controlling the customer.

Small time indie authors such as myself have a very difficult time gaining reviews, in addition to giving them. The reviews we give and receive are often rejected with a lousy explanation or removed without explanation. Yet, we’ve seen other types of products contain hundreds of reviews, both positive and negative. Let’s not forget the “raving reviews” left for those so-called authors who stuff books and cheat their way through the ranks to make a six-figure income have been allowed. We are still finding these types of reviews.

When I questioned why my attempt to review was rejected I received two different answers, each of which was not accurate according to their guidelines and on the author’s and my behalf. The first was that being linked to an author on social media could contribute to bias.

The answer was absurd because to reject a review based on following an author on Twitter would mean that fans of Dan Brown and JK Rowling would not be able to post reviews, as both David Gaughran and Furious Fotog put it. Further, as Furious Fotog stated is the hypocrisy of Amazon who sends books out months in advance before the initial release to prime members just to gain reviews. Yet, a simple review for a book authored by an unknown indie is rejected.

  When an outcry against Amazon’s response to me poured in, Amazon was quick to respond with another illogical reason to why my review was rejected.

I admit my confusion to this answer, because not only does it lack a clear context, but when you look at it from a few different possible answers; 1. Amazon thinks the author and I are related, 2. Amazon thinks the author and I are on and the same with two different accounts, 3. Amazon denies the right to review because we are both authors who write fantasy; you start pondering if Amazon has their shit together. Do they even know what they are doing? As author Paula M. Hunter put it, it’s the classic version of the left hand not knowing what the right hand is doing.

I have recently sent a letter to Jeff Bezos and to Amazon, and I’ve questioned Amazon directly on Twitter. My concern is that if I am denied my right to review a book, how far will Amazon go to deny anyone the right to review. I’ve learned in recent days many more besides me have had reviews rejected or removed by Amazon. People are upset and rightly so because to deny a review without a legitimate reason according to their guidelines is to deny the reviewer their First Amendment rights while further implying their guidelines can be twisted around to suit their agenda for whatever reason Amazon desires.

The bias must be eliminated as an excuse as to why reviewers cannot review a product when we consider the facts.

The person bought and paid for the product themselves.

The person admits in the review they were given a free product in exchange for an honest review; permitted by Amazon guidelines so long as you admit to it. Yet, these reviews have been getting removed by Amazon.

The person has the same surname, or the same exact name as the author, but are not related and are not the same person. There is more than one Suzan Tisdale, more than one Melissa Gromley in the world who are not related to each other. Yet, Amazon would deny our review on their products because “bias.” Such denial is an unfair assumption.

The reviewer is a blogger. I see nothing wrong with being a blogger who writes reviews for books they bought and read, nor do I see nothing wrong with reviews from bloggers who were given a free book in exchange for an honest review. Bloggers blog just about anything under the sun, including book reviews, but they are still people, not corporations or big publishing companies getting paid to review a book.Let’s take at some other facts as to why Amazon makes no sense. Amazon allows or has allowed the following to occur.

Paid reviews. That’s right. People were paid to give a review for a book or were awarded a prize in exchange for buying the book and for reviewing it. This is against Amazon’s guidelines and yet Amazon allowed these reviews to go through.

Amazon sent out its own books before release-date to receive reviews, but if an indie author did the same thing, any review given would be automatically rejected.

Amazon allowed the sale of dozens and dozens of poorly written books which gained hundreds of glowing reviews from pay to click sites and did not remove the reviews or denied them.

Big time authors received reviews without question. I am not against this, but it is unfair that a widely known author is allowed to receive reviews from their fans who follow and speak to them on social media but a lesser known author cannot. Where is the equality in this?

Clearly, we see the problem with Amazon’s review system where it denies reviews allowed by its own guidelines or not stated in the guidelines at all, but allows paid reviews and encourages reviews from Prime members for pre-released books and reviews for well-known authors who have a very large social following. (Yes, this all bears repeating because of its importance to call out Amazon for their poor taste in handling reviews from customers.

Reviews are important and can be quite beneficial when given correctly and ethically. It can either make or break a product depending on whether or not it persuades or dissuades a buyer. However, this is not a reliable way to view the product as good or bad, because not every buyer is going to feel the same way about the product. Some will enjoy the product and some will not. Some products will work, but others won’t.

I would like to make an update though. As I was checking my email this morning on Labor Day, I received a notification from Amazon asking me to review Nancy A. Lopes’ The Daywalker Chronicles.  Surprisingly, it actually allowed me to submit a review. Now the question remains whether or not Amazon will approve my review, which is the same as the one on Goodreads, minus a few details. I don’t trust Amazon, you see.  But this method is preferable.

Here are my ideas concerning the review flaws Amazon has. Amazon should allow the reviewer to submit their review without preventing them from writing a review in the first place, and, as long as it follows the guidelines, of which all Amazon employees should know or have quick and easy access to, let it be accepted. Let Amazon forget about the bias, unless it can be proven without a doubt there is bias, but also give consumers the right to proof no bias. This means that a person who works for the company or is indeed a direct relation to the author; mother, father, grandparent, etc. (Let’s remember initially I couldn’t even submit a review the last time. It was automatically rejected when I clicked on the fourth star and went to hit review to write a review).

Authors, (who also read and review books for pleasure and readers who don’t write books would love to see an overhaul at Amazon. Perhaps working together we can get them to see this and persuade them to make these necessary changes.

Do you like my blogs? Consider supporting me by purchasing one of my books. You can purchase the following at Smashwords if you choose to shop there instead of Amazon.

The Warriors: Crimson Chaos; A YA contemporary fantasy novel.

Super George: The Cocky Sockpuppet; A short story featuring a sockpuppet who wants to be a hero in the sockygate business; a parody of cockygate and bookstuffing issues.

Dick Cockee, under my pen name L. Cockley, available for now only at Amazon; a flash fiction erotica in support against the previous trademark, “cocky.”

Amazon inhibits book reviews #Amazon #reviews #amreading #reading, #novels #readers #authors #books #freethereview Amazon is a confusing company. On the one side, it is a convenient place to find and purchase those hard to find items for a decent price that you wouldn't find elsewhere.

#Amazon #reviews #Authors #books #novels #reading

[seftravels]

Welp I don’t have a working title for this

Day 2: Fave AU

OK so basically everyone lives in the same universe, beta strilondes are striders, alpha strilondes are lalondes, blah blah, you know the shit

Ship: guardian stridercest, also implied dirkdave i guess? it was unintentional but oh well who cares

You are Bro Strider, it has been a month since your kid Dave’s friend Dirk invited him and you to some kind of classy party, and it has just occurred to you why you seem so familiar with his (Dirk’s, not Dave’s) surname.

You silently thank every god you know the existence of that Roxy managed to convince you to wear a suit, because even now you feel underdressed. People here seem to have a very sensitive taste on clothes. You’ve felt at least a dozen gazes on your cheap tuxedo and jeans combination which you just have brought back from the dead. You don’t know when was the last time you wore a tux, or why you even have one.

Dave had scurried off with Dirk right after the latter opened the door. You don’t particularly care what happens with them. You won’t even judge if they decided to get it on. Not liked you cared before, but Dave had thought otherwise. You silently thank Rox’s daughter Rose for locking you in the apartment the other day, effectively causing a chain of events which ends with a heartfelt feelings jam,which in turn clears the fog surrounding your relationship. Since then, the both of you try to find middle ground. You take time to hang out with him and do as he liked, and he tolerates the (drastically decreased) strife sessions and (still the same amount of) puppets (except Cal. Lil Cal must go, he insisted.).

You were distracted from your thoughts by someone knocking their glass. Everybody’s attention is diverted to the center stage where Dirk’s brother is probably supposed to be.

And oh boy, it never occurred to you until now that Dirk has a chance to be related to David Elizabeth Lalonde. The director of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff. The guy Dave idolizes so intensely. The guy you (not so) secretly got a crush on. Fuck Dirk for not telling, fuck Dave for not telling, fuck everyone for not telling. Fuck yourself for not realizing all this sooner.

“Attention everyone,” he called out, and fuck he sounded even better in real life, “I would like to thank you for joining this party. As you all know, this party is a way to celebrate my newest movie and Rosalyn’s newest novel to her series. Me and Rose would not manage to do this without your support, faith, and general cool. I am afraid that is all I can say in this matter. Now for Rose.”

Cheers echo through the room as David steps down. Rose took over and started to talk about something. You barely pay attention to it, but it seemed impolite not to. Your mind is still reveling in his voice.

“Don’t bother. She’s just gonna end up telling peeps about how erotica saved her career.”

Speak of the devil.

You turn your head and end up face to face with none other than the subject of your fantasies. From this close, you can see his sideburns, trimmed clean. His 100% authentic Ben Stiller shades, not the cheap knockoff ones John got for Dave’s birthday, sat inside his pocket. Piercing crimson eyes look into yours, searching at your soul.

You wish he can’t read your mind, because you think he's hot as fuck right now.

You try to look for a conversation topic, anything, so the awkward silence wouldn’t last long, or worse, he ends up leaving. You got a good one about this being a formal party, and another about his charge, but of course you just have to embarrass yourself like a doofus and say the stupidest shit you can think of:

“D’ya think dyin’ of japanese bee attacks and dying of a cow has the same level of irony or what.”

Welp. There goes credibility. It was nice while it lasted.

Or maybe it hadn’t left. Maybe it went on the bus to nope town, then realized that it ain’t gonna be good for it and decided to reroute or dramatically jump out of the window or something, because the guy in front of you had his thinking face on and is actually thinking about the question.

“Death by an animal domesticated so thoroughly would be ironic, but cows can easily break your bones with its hind feet alone. A japanese bee, however, kills you by overheating. To do that, it must cover its prey head to toe with bees. So i would say bees are more ironic.”

You can’t help it. This guy actually thought up a detailed answer to a question you won’t even bother with otherwise. You barked a laugh out loud, attracting the attention of several party members towards you. At the same time, Rose loudly offered some booze for guests,causing them to turn back as quick. When you see David, he’s snickering to himself.

He grabs your wrist loosely before pulling you through the crowd. You pass a few strangers making a face at you. You also pass by Dave and Dirk, hair and shirt messy, and your kid gives you a thumbs up. Well fuck if you don’t offer one of your own.

David leads you to the balcony. The breath of fresh air is more than welcome to you, and he stands next to you as you cough out the remains of indoor air, an amused smile playing on his lips.

“Fuck,” you said, “I’m almost sure i suffocated in there.”

“You didn’t seem to play the part, though,” he replies and the both of you laugh.

“For reals though…” he grabs your hands, and your breath catches in your throat, “thanks for coming. And for raising such a spectacular kid, I have to say. Dirk was never the social one, but he seems happy with Dave. I’m happy for him.”

“Well ya better prepare him ‘cause my kid is a corrupting influence, Mister…”

“Just call me D,” he says, and releases your hands.

“Well, peeps are going to mistake you for a dick then.”

He laughs again,with that melodious voice you loved so much. “I know. That’s way I only give it out to my closest people. Including you.” His voice drops until it’s just barely a whisper. “Actually, I have a separate party for close friends, I was wondering if you’d like to come.”

You pretend to consider it for a while. “Do I have to wear a tux again?”

“Nah, feel free wearing whatever you want.”

You grin. Another party, getting closer to this hot lad, and no formal attire? “I’m in.”

#fuck this is shitty as all hel #guardiancest #dirkdave (minor) #incest / #stridercest week

[conspiracy-talk-blog]

New Post has been published on CTN News

New Post has been published on

Is Marijuana the Business of the Future? New Enterprises Prepare for the Boom

These are bankers, accountants, computer engineers that love Marijuana and would like to invest and work in the Cannabis sector.

One hundred of them participated this week in The big apple in the workshop “How to invest in cannabis”, aside from a specialist salon dedicated to this sector in the boom, with approximately $ 7 billion in billing anticipated this coming year.

These individuals included Mark Giannone with the exceptional son Justin, inhabitants of neighboring New Jersey.

“We really love this particular plant, we want to get involved with this market, we feel that there’s a whole lot more to take advantage of than merely recreational use,” describes Justin, a 31-year-old cybersecurity engineer.

“The industry is still very uncertain, I don’t want to play roulette, “adds Mark, 60, an accountant.

Patricia’s project, which doesn’t want to reveal her surname because she “works for your federal government,” is more advanced: this 33-year-old woman wishes to open a bank clinic in Connecticut with her banker husband this year.

Both the state of Connecticut as well as New Jersey legalized the medical use of marijuana. Nevertheless its government bodies only attribute permits inside dropper.

Convinced of the benefits of a marijuana these people understand to consume regularly, Mark, Justin and Patricia represent a brand new influx of entrepreneurs wanting to put money into the sector prior to full legalization arrives and “Wall Street and the big groups” go on it by assault, Mentioned Mark.

Since Colorado legalized marijuana for recreational use in 2012, seven US states have followed suit, including California and Massachusetts, as well as the federal capital Washington. The usage of pot for therapeutic purposes is already authorized in 29 states, plus the federal capital.

Entrepreneur trainees hope that in spite of ultraconservatives from President Donald Trump’s government, such as Attorney General Jeff Sessions, the industry will keep this upward bend forecasted by experts, who are betting for a $ 23 billion marketplace by 2020.

And they expect that in a few years, a lot of states are going to have legalized recreational use, pressing the federal government to review its position along with other nations around the world like the Eurpean people that have taken that step.

“We are witnessing more and more non-marginal professionals eminating from the realm of finance, through the big companies in the agricultural world or maybe from science, dedicated to the sector,” says Karson Humiston, chief of the Vangst specialist recruiting consultancy, who traveled from Denver towards the New York salon.

“We receive 500 curricula vitae per day, individuals coming from all over the region and beyond, who view a chance to enhance their income or their particular career and who are also often enthusiastic about the topic,” says this 24-year-old businesswoman.

“We could believe we’re in the Silicon Valley when the hi-tech industry just took off,” he added.

Nevertheless Nichole West, based in Denver and host of one of the workshops of the week, doesn’t hide the difficulties in the sector.

This pioneer speaks of the headaches she had at the beginning, which almost left her in personal bankruptcy. However she recovered and from now on, at the age of 32, she is v . p . of “Sweet Leaf”, an organization of over 400 individuals who grow and sells marijuana and by-products.

The rules of states that have legalized marijuana are very varied and frequently perplexing, which creates massive uncertainty for enterprises, he explains.

Even though the proportion of Americans in favor of legalization keeps growing – Sixty one percent last April, in accordance with a CBS News poll – many still view weed as being a dangerous drug.

A hostility that must be respected to be successful, cautions West.

“Keep faraway from children” especially from educational institutions, he says. “It is enough that only one mommy faces them, and you’ll be the devil!”, He describes to his students.

“Make contributions to detox centers, they will show that you know that drugs are a problem, although cannabis isn’t a part of that,” he says.

Many of his college students grew up in a time whenever smoking a joint seemed to be absolutely nothing astonishing, and this week they seemed convinced that accepting marijuana was only a matter of time.

Additionally they cite recent studies showing some great benefits of cannabis on some diseases, for example epilepsy.

“There continues to be opprobrium, yet as compared to five or ten years ago, it has entirely changed,” says Patricia of Connecticut.

“When you start educating people, they change their minds.”

#Cannabis #MARIJUANA

[paradox-oflife]

massive q and a post part 3 ignore this pls

1. If you could learn any language fluently what would it be? Um maybe latin because it sounds cool but for practical purposes probably spanish lol

2. What historical Figure would you love to see in 21st centuary life? Jesus, not because I’m Christian but I’m curious to see what he would say

3. As a kid were you ever frighted of a monster under the bed or in the cupboard? No because my bed didn’t have space underneath 

4. Do you like clowns? nope

5. Do you prefer BBC or ITV? Okay, this is clearly British but I’d go with BBC

6. Have you ever been surfing? Once. It didn’t go that well lol

7. Have you ever been snowboarding? Yeah, it’s pretty fun actually!

8. Who was better, the Beatles or Elvis Presley? uuuh the Beatles

9. Whats your favourite type of foreign food? By foreign I’m assuming non-American/British. But anything from Taiwan (except for pig’s blood ew) is soul food for me :)

10. Which Foreign country do you dislike the most? I... don’t know. North Korea I guess? But when it comes to most countries, it’s the government that makes it bad.

11. Do you like your music loud or easy listening? (What does this mean??) Depends on the mood

12. Whats your favourite animated or cartoon program? Adventure time :D

13. Do you sing in the shower? Errr, no.

14. Are you a clean or messy person? I try my best to be clean but it always ends up messy.

15. Whats your prefered playing piece in monopoly? I usually go with the cat :3

16. Can or Do you still play twister? God I haven’t played since 5th grade.

17. Can you play chess? Yeah, not really good at it though.

18. Do you know the dance steps to an annoying cheesey pop song? Haha no because I suck at dancing

19. Do you prefer straight or bendy straws? Bendy

20. Have you ever entered a talent contest? And did you win? No .-. I’m not the type to do that lol

21. Do you like poetry? Yeah. I’d say so.

22. Are you a sore loser? Nah, I’m pretty chill when it comes to that type of thing

23. Which would you choose? Jelly or Ice Cream? Ice Cream > Jelly

24. Whats your favourite type of Pie? New Zealand’s steak and cheese

25. Whats your most used phrase? Hm. Maybe “yeah nah”

26. Whats your most used word? Not sure. I talk a lot.

27. Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life? Someone Asian of course, someone who has studied me well enough and understands me

28. What would your dream job be? Okay, I’m gonna be real. I wanted to be a vet but lowkey I’m too colorblind for it lol. I’m planning to study in Physical Therapy

29. Which song do you hate the most? I mainly just listen to the same albums nowadays but I guess i don’t really vibe with a lot of pop songs.

30. How long does it take you to get ready? Depends how tired I am. If I get pretty good sleep it takes maybe 10 minutes at most. 

31. What do you think the greatest invention has been? The printing press.

32. Whats your favourite feature on the opposite sex? Uuuh i dont really know. Forearms are nice i guess

33. Whats your least favourite feature on the opposite sex? Sometimes they’re just really oblivious to really obvious things

34. Who's your favourite Comedian? I don’t even listen to comedians really but Chelsea Peretti is pretty funny.

35. What's your favourite board game? Probably Monopoly. There’s no greater feeling than seeing the life drain from your friends’ eyes as you collect $5000 from them

36. Do you have any lucky items, objects or traditions? When I’m having a bad day I like to just read through my yearbooks and look at all the compliments people wrote. 

37. Do you have any superstitions? Not really.

38. Whats your favourite Movie quote? I have a lot. But maybe Manners Maketh Man.

39. Who would win in a fight? Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer? Chuck Norris.

40. Do you have much of an ego? I wish. I want to be more confident

41. Do you wear sunglasses indoors to look cool or stylish? No. Nothing against it though.

42. Are you a hat person? Nah

43. Whats your favourite supermarket chain? Costco

44. Whats your favourite fastfood chain? Smashburger or Inn n Out

45. Whats your first thought upon waking up? “Lord help me.”

46. What animal would you most like to have as a pet? I love dogs. And cats. 

47. Whats your favourite type of tree? Pine trees always remind me of home.

48. If you could bankrupt one person or company who would it be? Uuuh as much as I want to bankrupt someone like Jeff Bezos that’d be bad because a lot of people rely on Amazon

49. If you could steal one thing without consequence what would it be? I honestly don’t know. 

50. Who's your favourite celeb with the same first name or surname as you? I don’t know much celebrities with the same name as me.

51. If evil-doers invaded your country would you rush to the battlelines to defend the motherland or hide in a box? Um hide in a box I’m so tiny. Like I know a bit of martial arts but like??? I’m literally 5′1″ and i’m only 115 pounds. Someone could bench me easily.

52. Whats your favourite flower? I like lillies 

53. Do you believe in ghosts? Im really mixed about it. I believe demons exist though

54. Do you believe in the loch ness monster? Nay

55. Do you believe in Aliens? Eeeeh kind of but when i think about aliens i think about microorganisms. 

56. Do you believe the Governments hide technology and information from the public? Yes 100%

56. Which is your favourite pokemon? Growlithe uwu

57. What horror fiction character scares you the most?  Pennywise. No thanks.

58. Can you do 10 revolutions of a hula hoop? Yeah

59. Do you think Great Britain should have a National Day? n/a 60.Do you think Great Britain should be part of a United Europe?n/a 61. Would you want the Euro or keep the British Pound?n/a

62. Were you part of the Brownies/Cubs/Scouts/Guides etc? Nah

63. Have you ever invented a fairly unique meal or drink? No I’m not that good at cooking lol

64. Do you have any secret family recipes? My family only knows how to cook asian food and well, asian food is very freestyle

65. Do you have any family secrets? :o     uuuuuh well, it wouldn’t be a secret if I said it right?

66. Are you good at keeping secrets? Yeah! You can count on me.

67. Have you ever been up in a hot air balloon? Nopenopenopenope

68. Whats your favourite Sci-fi film/program etc? ugghhhh i have so much. I like the Martian tho?

69. When playing checkers or chess do you prefer to be black or white? Black

70. Which is better, a Pastie or Sausage Roll? Sausage roll

71. Do you prefer shopping on the high street or online? Irl, I’m pretty impatient man

72. Would you ever want to learn to fly? Like, fly an airplane? Or fly as in levitate. Cause if levitate, then YES

73. Do you often read your horoscope? Nah, as accurate as they can be sometimes, I don’t really believe in astrology 

74. Have you ever had a proper Tarot reading? Eeeee no. Personal opinion, tarot cards are hella sketchy. I don’t mess with that stuff.

75. Whats your favourite brand of newspaper? Honestly at this point I’ve given up on the news. I just read stuff off of reddit sometimes.

76. Have you ever milked a cow? No

77. Have you ever used the phrase "back in my time" to someone younger than you? HAHAH one time. I realized my friend’s younger brother had never seen an iPod before and I was so baffled he didn’t even know what it was.

78. Do you love or hate rollercoasters? Love them

79. Which was the greatest Empire? Maybe Macedonian. I want to say the Romans, but god, they had a lot of problems.

80. Whats your favorite word? Catharsis.  

81. Whats your favourite sportsware brand? Adidas or Nike I guess

82. Do you buy any weekly/monthly magazines? Nah

83. Who's your favourite Superhero? uuuuh Thor 

84. Who's your favourite Villain/Baddie? Doofensmirtz. He wasn’t even bad lmao. He thinks he’s a Chaotic Evil when in reality he’s a Chaotic Good.

85. What was the last Album you purchased? I don’t purchase a lot of music tbh bc I broke, but the last album I listened to was Hot Fuss.

86. What was the last DVD you purchased? A Daria DVD I found at Walmart for five dollars.

87. What was the last piece of clothing you purchased? Some jeans.

88. When pulling crackers does everyone get one each regardless or whoever gets the big ends keeps all the prizes? I’m assuming this is some British tradition so idk

89. Do you ever make your own greetings cards? Not really.

90. Do you have a swiss army knife? I used to then I lost it.

91.At what age did you twig onto the fact Santa wasnt real? My parents never did the whole Santa thing so I always knew it was false

92. Whats your favourite fruit? Watermelon

93. Have you ever done something really unbelivable, only to have no one around to see it? Um YEAH. I was 10th grade and I was in the Martial Arts club, which was a version of Aikido. I tripped on these stairs one time going down, then I did this glorious shoulder roll and got right up. No one saw but I was so proud of myself.

94. Do you buy from charity shops? Occasionally, if I can find some. 

95. Have you ever sold your services? No

96. Have you ever raised money for charity? Yeah, it was for a school club tho

97. Have you ever won a giant sized cuddly toy from a fair? Yes uwu

98. Is the glass half full or half empty? It’s half full

[corvvii]

♪

symbol headcanon meme | accepting! ♪: three songs that remind me of my muse

I have a tag for that, but that’s cheating, innit! I’ll explain why I chose these songs too! 0:

Carnivore by Starset (x)

This song has been on Leon’s playlist for a long time, but it didn’t make it onto either of the two formal playlists I made for him (which were both heavily trimmed and curated to tell a specific part of his story). Really, the major reason I pick this song is because of these two lines:

Never enough(Who I am is not good enough)

Which is Leon’s entire thought process behind adopting his Crow persona. It’s not enough to just be Leonnaux, he has to be more than that. In part this is kind of based on logic, because compared to a lot of his peers, Leon is basically a kid (he’s only 21!) and lacks experience in a lot of things. As such, he’s prone to making dumb decisions sometimes, despite his best efforts to be methodical and calculating.

It’s also a mindset that was drilled into him over time; he’s always striven for great heights, which he was discouraged from doing before he left home because it wasn’t what was expected or wanted from him. After the Calamity, his family moved into the city, and they’re both much more obviously Duskwight than he is, so their idea in going about their day-to-day lives was to keep their heads down and not attract too much attention and live a ‘normal’ life:

Who are you to change this world?Silly boy!No one needs to hear your words.Let it go.

Leon didn’t quite fit into that paradigm; instead of just going into a trade or somesuch he stuck his nose into books that did take a toll on the family financially and his obsession with his studies negatively impacted (and continues to negatively impact) his physical and mental health.

His girlfriend, Edda, is honestly the first (and at this point in time because he’s basically locked his true character behind seven proxies) person to see him, 100% genuine, with no pretenses or acts or images to maintain. And she accepted him, which he really appreciates. But this is an ask about songs, not an excuse to gush about Leon and his witchy gf fdkhssgdhjgndjfd (but hey they’re wholesome, and if you get the chance to RP with Edda I 100% recommend it, they’re really cool)

Carnival of Rust by Poets of the Fall (x)

Themes of material wealth not granting the same kind of happiness as emotional fulfillment? Sign me up, man. The imagery in the music video is also spot-on; because of the whole magic/card trick thing that Leon has going on, the carnival aesthetic kind of... Strangely... Fits, sometimes, despite that aspect of his character being inspired mostly because I’m the biggest fan of Now You See Me ever (and it makes sense for a criminal character to gamble as a pastime--and for a trickster like Leon to cheat).

There’s also, of course, this line:

I lust for after no disaster can touch, touch us anymore

Which is appropriate these days again relating to his relationship with Edda. They’ve been through a lot, both separately and vaguely as a couple, and honestly Leon puts it best: “I would tear down the sky if it meant I could see your smile.”

Red Like Roses, pt. 2 by Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee WIlliams (x)

I might not be on the series anymore but the OST fucking slaps, alright? Alright. That out of the way. There is an entire plot thread regarding the status of his father; it would be reasonable to assume that Vaicean Altoix is dead after being missing for 17-ish (when I started the character it was 15-ish; I tried to run a plot regarding this but I didn’t have any DM experience and eventually dropped it; I’m going to pick it back up as a campaign for INK + Ebonguard + friends during the summer though after AFC ends!) years with absolutely no news, reported sightings... Nada. He vanished into thin air.

One of Leon’s primary motivations, naturally, has been to track him down. This plot thread kind of has to do with the fact that Leon has the Echo (with major nerfs), which is basically how he has knowledge of his father to begin with because when he had to disappear, Leon himself was only 5. He only has vague, fuzzy memories of him, but what he does remember is generally positive... Whereas his family experience with his mother and only brother have been overwhelmingly negative.

In essence, Leon’s father is his only relative who he hasn’t burned, and he views him through somewhat rose-tinted lenses despite the fact that he disappeared because he was suspected of attempted murder. So, a criminal. This extends all the way into naming, with Leonnaux taking his father’s surname after running away from home and using the moniker ‘Crow’ in his criminal-ish operations. More than that is straying into spoiler territory, but god if I don’t ever love to gush about my plotlines. (I just know some people prefer the surprise.)

Of course, the song’s lyrics and Leon’s story aren’t a direct correspondence; Vaicean’s fate is ambiguous at the moment and the song’s first (primary) narrator speaks from a place that would imply a lot more experience with her mother as a person than Leon ever had with his father.

Still, if I had to pick some lines:

Every nightmare just disclosesIt’s your blood that’s red like roses

#ffxiv rp #balmung rp #m | answered #[ thanks for asking! <3 ] #[ these songs? also just kinda slap. theyre all bangers. each and every one ] #gilandcats

[wellesleyunderground]

Patriot Act reviewed by Lakshmi Gandhi (@LakshmiGandhi) & Asha Sundararaman ‘04 (@mixedtck)

This review first appeared on Lakshmi and Asha’s weekly newsletter - sign up here to get these gems delivered straight to your inbox! 

The second we saw the first previews for Hasan Minhaj's new Netflix show "Patriot Act" we knew that this would be a very Indian American (and Muslim American show).

The first extensive preview for it absolutely blew up Twitter and Facebook because it featured Hasan and Queer Eye star Tan France as they talked about clothes, being immigrant kids and (of course) how they handle people who bungle their names. As the name suggests, Patriot Act also does not shy away about what it is like being a young Muslim American in today's United States.

As big fans of Minhaj's work on the Daily Show and his one man special ‘Homecoming King,’ we were eager to see what he'd do with a show that was completely his own.

(Editor’s note: We also wanted to say that we’re thinking of all of our readers in Calfornia who are affected by the recent fires. For those looking for how they can help, we suggest heading here and here.)

Lakshmi: I've watched that little preview with Tan at least ten times. I still love it EVERY TIME I queue it up.

Asha: You know, I haven't actually watched the preview. It made the rounds on my Facebook feed but I never clicked on it.

Lakshmi: I can see that. As soon as I saw people oohing and ahhing over it I was skeptical because my heart is sometimes made of stone when it comes to these things. But OMG it's so good! They managed to turn it into something really endearing. (Readers can see for themselves how endearing it is by heading here!)

There were a bunch of little interesting bits in that segment with Hasan and Tan. I liked how Tan basically says he changed his name because no one could handle Tanvir (Plus, he is married to a dude named France, which is where his surname comes from. His name at birth was Tanvir Safdar.) But it made me really want a show where we just see Tan and Hasan go shopping all day. it would be a great buddy comedy.

Asha: It would be! OK, I’m watching it now. I like the quote about looking like he's a Rajneeshee.

Lakshmi: I loved how easily Tan cut the hoodie to make a perfect crop top. That's skill!

Asha: I know! I was impressed.

Lakshmi: There really was so much to love. For example, Hasan says he only styles his hair with tel (coconut oil) and prayer. I think the reason the South Asian corners of the internet in particular loved this trailer was because there was absolutely no pandering. It was just two South Asian Muslim dudes being South Asian Muslim dudes. While there were little explanatory asides (they did explain what tel was), it did feel as if we got a little peek into what they are like away from the cameras and the white gaze. To manage to do that with cameras everywhere during what is clearly a promo video is an art.

Asha: Haha, agreed.

Lakshmi: And it was a perfect lead in to the actual show because Hasan felt as if he was talking directly to a South Asian and/or Muslim audience at times,but in a way that also felt inclusive?

It's hard to explain, but there were a bunch of little things that he never did on the ‘Daily Show’ and that would be really hard to do on network tv.

Asha: What jumped out at you in that way?

Lakshmi: For example, there was a whole discussion about the lota (which is a cup in the bathroom used for personal washing). I thought that whole bit was a bit much to be honest, but you don’t see that kind of thing on other shows!

More extensively, it happened when when he talked directly to Asian Americans during the Affirmative Action episode (Which is episode two). You don't see anyone ever talking directly to Asian Americans, especially in comedy.

Asha: It's true. It did feel like he was speaking to a brown audience directly without worrying about whether white people would understand. I admit, i'd never heard the word lota before. I knew what he was talking about, but i didn't know there was a word for it!

Lakshmi: And! I feel like (this isn't the case with Hasan ever that I’ve seen) but a lot of South Asian comedians are pretty anti black in their acts

Asha: Yes, that’s also true.

Lakshmi: so to have a comedian actually call out anti black racism is quietly a big deal

And of course this isn’t limited to comedy. No one talks about anti blackness in the community in general. It's swept under the rug A LOT (not by your two correspondents, dear readers- — we yell at people!)... but that's why we aren't particularly popular at parties.

Asha: HA.

Lakshmi: But really, it’s true.

Asha: The whole segment he did calling out terrible Indian-Americans definitely felt like an in thing. Because as people who are underrepresented, we bristle when the terrible people in our communities are called out.

Lakshmi: it's our own version of 'a shanda fur di goyim."

Asha: the only thing i'd wished in that segment was that he'd specified American-born vs naturalized. I don't know why, but i feel like someone like Dinesh D'Souza needs to be called out for their shit in a different way than Bobby Jindal.

Lakshmi: Oh really? I feel like Bobby Jindal is actually worse. First he actually had power. And secondly, he's from here and is a trained scientist and doctor.

Asha: i definitely think it's worse when they're born in the States

Lakshmi: Yes. His state is extremely vulnerable to poverty and global warming and he doesn't care.

But anyway, I liked the Amazon episode of Patriot Act especially watching it now in light of today’s news about the new Amazon HQ2 or whatever they are calling it in Long Island City.

Asha: Oh yeah, that one was really good! I learned a lot about Amazon's reach. I had no idea they did web services!

Lakshmi: I only knew that because I've worked with sites that work use Amazon web services extensively.

Asha: also, what Amazon did should be illegal. He talked about how they purposefully losing money so they could benefit later.

Lakshmi: And also imagine being the richest person on earth, but not letting your employees go to the bathroom. he isn't letting them take care of the most basic of human needs!

Asha: i assume Jeff Bezos is a sociopath and possibly a grifter. He's gamed the system in a similar way to Trump in terms of being able to lose a lot of money without it affecting your bottom line.

Lakshmi: And if you look up workplace injuries that regularly occur in Amazon warehouses, it's all horrific. There's no reason for all of this suffering.

Asha: None at all. And i've heard those that work on the corporate side of Amazon don’t have it much better (although at least they can go to the bathroom). i'm definitely not renewing my Prime account

and I make a concerted effort to shop other places.

Lakshmi: Yeah, I think I am going to completely change my consumer relationship with Amazon moving forward. Did you watch the latest ‘Patriot Act’ episode, which is about oil?

Asha: I did! It especially relevant to me, since i'm an oil brat.

Lakshmi: I didn't know that there has been an ongoing oil spill for almost a decade!

Asha: I didn't either.

Lakshmi: Also I appreciate that Hasan could do that episode because he doesn't have to worry about advertisers. No one on Network television could tweet this, for example:

Now is the time to talk about America's obsession with oil and the impact it will have on future generations. This is a problem with a deadline we have to address.

Asha: Yep.

Lakshmi: Also (and this isn't particularly a secret because people like Chris Hayes have tweeted it) but discussions about global warming don't get ratings. People literally turn off the TV when it's discussed so it is also bold to devote an episode to it.

Asha: In some ways you can take more risks with a show on Netflix. I think people are more invested.

Lakshmi: Yes and it's a given that your audience will be much smaller. but hopefully they will also be more devoted.

Asha: Right.

Lakshmi: That's the one thing I'm worried about though in terms of this show. weekly news/comedy shows haven't been doing well on Netflix. Chelsea Handler’s show was cancelled after a year. Michelle Wolf only lasted a season. So I'm worried about this show just because the track record is not there.

Asha: well, this one seems be more in the style of a one-man show.

Lakshmi: But also, it’s hard to find! Yype Hasan Minhaj into netflix and Patriot act is the SECOND result, after ‘Homecoming King.’ Never underestimate people's laziness… if they can’t find it right away, they might not watch!

Asha: Haha. I think number five in the article you linked above is key. If it's on the homepage, then it will get more traction.

Lakshmi: Yeah, but I don't think it's been on the homepage when I have logged on?

Asha: I think it was in my case, but i had to scroll. But it might also be because i'd watched it before.

Lakshmi: This point from that Netflix analysis article was also key:

"But even though I was clearly interested in these shows, Netflix rarely if ever recommended them to me. This meant that the weeks when I forgot to check out the latest episode of the shows I was clearly interested in, Netflix never reminded me."

Because people need reminders. with regular TV you have the luxury of it always being there, so the extra step of logging on is a deterent to success for many.

Asha: Yep, especially when there's so much info out there, there's no thought involved. That extra step makes it so hard.

Lakshmi: That's also why I wonder if Hasan will get guests in the future. It's easier to hype something up if there is another person doing it as well.

Asha: True.

Lakshmi: Also, I know this is new to him and that they've already done a twitter video making fun of it but Hasan's pretty jumpy in these early episodes. He talks fast and waves his hands around. Sometimes it’s a lot.

Asha: It's true. It was hard to binge watch because of it (and people are going to be binging).

Lakshmi: I'm hoping that as the season continues he'll start growing into the role and start going a little slower. Because sometimes there are a LOT of in jokes. Anyone who has seen ‘Homecoming King’ knows that he loves basketball and 90s hip hop. He definitely peppers references to both of those things here. But he talks SO FAST that even when I kind of know what he's talking about it's hard to follow on occasion.

Asha: Fair and not everyone is going to process information as fast as he talks!

Lakshmi: Right, and I say this as a fast talker!

Asha: It's A LOT of info packed into less than 30 min.I appreciate how detailed it is.

Lakshmi: I generally have liked the show a lot, but there is definitely a lot of nervous energy. Also, he tried a jacket on in his preview with Tan but he hasn't worn a jacket yet on the show. Hahaha. Do you have a final thought?

Asha: It'll be interesting to see where this show goes.

Lakshmi: Yeah! I've liked it a lot. So I want to see how it (and Hasan) grow in the future.

Asha: And my final, final thought is that "he's so right about toilet paper!"

#wu review #hasan minhaj #patriot act #netflix

[nomineestheshow-blog]

Before the Red Carpet: Nominees, November Edition

By Sameer Suri

Halloween is over, and I’ve already begun playing Mae West’s rock ‘n’ roll Christmas album Mae in December (a masterwork of grotesquery), which means November is here. Which, of course, means in turn that a November edition of Nominees is on its way to the stage for you all - hostessed, as ever, by the inimitable Leah Lamarr!

Our marvelous judges panel this time round will include two minds involved with TBS’ Search Party: Charles Rogers, one of the show’s trio of creators, and Jordan Firstman, who’s on its writing staff and has acted on it. Search Party is a charmingly bleak sitcom about the struggle to find a missing woman, and one hopes its scathingness will transfer over to the judging - sweetie, they can’t all be Paula. The divine Angela Trimbur, an actress and writer with a series percolating at Tru TV, will be gracing our panel with these two fellas, but who knows if she’ll be Paula either? I tell you the truth, Paula sort of grates on me. No one’s that nice except by court order. You can be as stoned as you like, to the point of being one of those people that though the romphim was attractive. I don’t want to know from Paula.

But we’ve strayed from the subject. Who will triumph at the show tomorrow night? Will there be crocodile tears? Will there be real tears? (Can you imagine?) Will there be coldhearted betrayals, flaring tempers, dashed dreams?

Sweethearts, your contestants tomorrow night are:

Max Baumgarten:

This fine gentleman’s a comic and has done quite a bit of work in the theater, including the Edinburgh Fringe in a production called Vegas Nocturne, so he should have none of the projecting trouble that film actors sometimes get when they’re expected to perform onstage. (As anyone who’s heard me sing knows, some vocal skills are irretrievably beyond some people. Do you remember when Brooke Shields did a stage musical? Remember Brooke Shields?) He’s also worked as a clown, so though he’ll frighten the martini olives out of me, clearly he has an affinity for working live. Moreover, if I remember the clowns of my not-as-distant-as-it-looks youth correctly, he’s got a knack for physical comedy, admirable facial expressiveness and a high probability of slitting my throat in the dead of night.

Scout Durwood:

Scout is herself a wonderfully funny comic, which has landed her a spot on that Oxygen docu-series Funny Girls (I initially misread the title when I tuned in and took embarrassingly long to realize Barbra Streisand wasn’t going to show up). Talking of Barbra, Scout’s also a terrific singer, as you can hear from her album Take One Thing Off, which includes a cover of My Funny Valentine, plus these three songs that pretty much sum up the general trajectory of my love life - Drinking, Men in L.A., Hate Crime. (I’ve always gone for men who treat me mean.) Point is, she knows how to aim for the laugh, but also how to get you to have a bit of a well-up, so watch out for her in that Oscars scene.

Heather Pasternak:

Another wonderful comic here, an opener for Jeff Garlin and a fixture on the Los Angeles club scene, Heather’s also scored New Girl and The Mindy Project guest spots. (Meanwhile, Mr. Cellophane shoulda been my name.) Her deftness as a comedian indicates a canny ability to think on her feet, so keep an eye out for her in that cold-read round - if she’s the one who ends up having to improvise, she’ll be a formidable contender. Plus which, she’s excellent in a Funny Or Die sketch she co-wrote called Love Struck, in which the object of her affection is a dryer. If there’s anything that’ll serve you well in the commercial copy round, it’s being able to affect romantic feelings for an inanimate object, à la my attraction to Aaron Taylor Johnson.

Hannah Pilkes:

A child star turned adult Nominees contestant, Hannah debuted on film opposite Kevin Bacon in The Woodsman. My God, I haven’t felt so outclassed since the last time I was in airport security. (Somehow, I always come off as the least terroristy brown man there. Tell the truth, is it my voice?) With an Independent Spirit Award nomination to her name, Hannah has no reason to fear for herself in the Oscars scene, particularly inasmuch as the Independent Spirit Awards are by and large smarter about their acting categories than the Oscars are. (When I chanted, “I’m with her,” I meant Isabelle Huppert. Oh, please, don’t tell me from La La Land. Only a straight man could’ve cast Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling in a musical.)

Jon Rudnitsky:

This man was once a cast member on Saturday Night Live, where he managed the apparently not terribly difficult - but still very entertaining - feat of offending Andy Cohen. Tomorrow, he’s with us. How far the mighty, huh? He’s since featured in a Reese Witherspoon movie and on the new Curb Your Enthusiasm season, so in seriousness things are good and busy for him and we’re lucky to have him. My prediction is he’ll be the one to beat in the commercial copy round - the round that most rewards your ability to get laughs rapid-fire. I only wish we could get another TV reporter in the crowd and see whom he can offend again. Again, not a frightfully difficult task, but don’t you want to hear Barbara Walters pronounce the word “umbrage?”

Greg Santos:

Greg has the misfortune of having the surname that comes last alphabetically, and here I am screeching toward my deadline, so I’ll keep this quick. His sitcom guest credits include Great News and Angel from Hell, and he’s a funny and engaging stage presence as a comic, plus which he hasn’t done badly for himself as far as commercial gigs are concerned. It feels as though I keep saying people will do well at the commercial copy, but I think that again now, not least because of the verisimilitude he’ll be able to lend the proceedings given his own résumé. That round will be a banner round this month, I should imagine. Also, as a comedian he’s very charismatic, which gets you a lot of mileage in that final monologue.

I wish all the contenders my absolute best! As it happens, I’ll unfortunately be missing the start of the show, but I’ll be there for most of it, and see all of the rapt faces peering out from the audience at our contestants. Don’t worry, I’ll prance extravagantly across the stage, envelope in hand, at least once.

As pre-fame Bette Midler told the crowd at a gay bathhouse in the early 1970s, with Barry Manilow at the piano, “...if I come back and there are any empty seats, your mother is gonna hear from me.”

[devils-gatemedia]

Twenty years is a long time in any business, even longer in the cut-throat business of music. Twenty years ago, record companies were mammoth beasts, MTV could make or break a band (whereas now it’s Z-list wannabes that they concentrate on), and if you were Scottish then YouTube was merely what your teacher called you. Twenty years have passed since Candlebox last toured the UK. Vocalist, Kevin Martin offers the best explanation for the delay in getting back over here…”We were a bunch of fucking idiots…”. There you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth. Thankfully, the multi-platinum band came to their senses, and dragged their sorry arses back across the Atlantic for ten dates that had many in the audience wiping away tears of joy. 

It’s an all American affair tonight, as LA based singer/songwriter Pete RG and his band open the show before handing over the reigns to the northerners from Seattle. At times RG (short for Argy, an abbreviation of his surname Argyropoulos) has me scratching my head thinking of who he reminds me of, but then photographer Dave hits the nail on the head with a comparison to Neil Diamond. The same lush, deep, soulful voice that makes you stop and pay attention. Musically, in places (‘Divine’ and ‘Reload’), I catch an almost Springsteen vibe, or maybe even Don Henley? ‘Heaven Knows’ has a great guitar tone to it… simple, effective, and catchy as hell. It’s a short set, but the band do more than enough to gain some new fans, and more importantly, have those new fans turning around and dropping some money at the merch table.

The first part of tonight’s Seattle one-two is provided by Jeff Angell’s Staticland. Music fans might recognise both Angell, and keyboardist Ben Anderson, from their time with The Walking Papers. With fellow Walking Paper, Duff McKagan, rejoining GNR, guitarist/vocalist Angell created Staticland, along with Anderson and drummer Josh Fant. The debut album was released in May 2016, and began to turn some heads. Ask me who they sound like, and I’m dumbstruck, blues-rock based, but without sounding like any blues-rock band that I’ve ever come across. Modern, imaginative, and highly charged, Staticland are impossible to take your eyes off, largely due to Angell’s commanding presence, but also down to Fant’s powerhouse drumming and the atmospheric sound from Anderson. No traditional bass guitarist, just Anderson playing all the parts on his keyboards. It’s quite a dark set, with not much spoken communication from Angell, instead beckoning the crowd to come closer with his hands. He goes for a wander through the crowd, staring out some poor sod (me) without saying a word, just staring blankly ahead. For the good of Anglo-American relationships, let’s call it a draw, but I’m fairly certain he blinked first! ‘Freak’ is a slow-burning gem, with some passionate playing from Angell, but the highlight is the poignant ‘Let The Healing Begin’, an emotional and spiritual few minutes that lives on some time after. Another short set, but again, another one that saw money being exchanged for CDs at the stand. Dig deep folks, it’s the money dropped at the merch stand that keeps the wheels turning.

So, the moment that’s been over twenty years in the making finally arrives, and Kevin Martin leads Candlebox onto the stage, and straight into something new. ‘Vexatious’ from the ‘Disappearing In Airports’ album is a fantastic way to open the show. It’s one of many highlights on the album, and it sounds way heavier on the live stage, thanks mainly to the twin guitar fireworks. There is a guy at the front of the stage (who has also brought his kid along), and his reaction justifies every mile that Candlebox travelled to be here tonight. No matter how long a band has been around, I bet that they still get jitters when they step on to a stage. Having someone in front of them clearly having such a great time must have given Candlebox such a boost. The joy on the guy’s face would bring a tear to a glass eye, and once again, shows the effect that music has on so many of us.

Of course everyone wants to hear the hits… the tracks that perhaps everyone thought that they would never see Candlebox perform in the UK again. ‘Bitches Brewin’ is the first flashback, but it’s when ‘Change’ kicks in that people are high fiving each other and beaming… simply beaming. Martin introduces the song by saying that 1993 was “A fucked up year… actually it wasn’t that bad… unlike last week in the US…”. The song might be over 20 years old, but damn, it still has the effect of a jab to the gut, mainly due to the guitar work of Brian Quinn and the gloriously named Island Styles. This gives way to another cut from the four times platinum debut album. ‘Blossom’ is dedicated to “all the beautiful ladies who listen to Candlebox because your boyfriends told you to…”. A slow-building gem that smoulders, until the band crash in with a wall of noise, and Quinn just totally nails his solos. The debut is well represented with ‘Arrow’, ‘Cover Me’, and ‘You’… all received like returning heroes. Standout moment was arguably ‘Far Behind’, again from the eponymous debut. A heartfelt tribute to Mother Love Bone vocalist Andrew Wood, which followed a few words from Martin describing how much Wood meant to him and how missed he is. Check out any of Wood’s body of work, and you’ll see how much of a tragedy his death was.

The latest album ‘Disappearing In Airports’ is a welcome return, and the set ends like it started, with a new one. ‘The Bridge’ is one of the heavier moments on the album, and this transfers to the live stage. It has real bite to it, thanks to the stellar work from the engine room team of Robin Diaz on drums and Adam Kury on bass. Again, the guitar work from Styles and Quinn is stupendous, as they unleash solo after solo, riff upon riff. Martin soaks up the applause and beats a hasty retreat, only to reappear a few moments later at the merch stand. After such a lengthy wait, we can only hope that the band don’t leave it too long for a return trip. Classic rock Sunday at Download Festival? Why not? These guys know how to work a crowd, and are no strangers to the bigger stages. If they do come back, then get yourselves down to a gig. You won’t regret it.

Review: Dave Stott

Images: Dave Jamieson

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  Review: Candlebox – G2, Glasgow Twenty years is a long time in any business, even longer in the cut-throat business of music.