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i always want to type a log here but walang time or will power tapos ngayon i'm like tinatamad na and all. anyways hehe i just want to make ayos my life. lols. whatever. bye

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LLL2022

we had a whole ass makeout sesh dedicated to celebrating her win. i mean her run. so ang nangyari is nag eat kami outside unexpected ko yun kasi uhm kala ko di naman magdinner outside. kasi nga covid. plus wala akong dalang money as in dala ko lang phone saka liptint hehe. naki alcohol lang ako. anyways, ang sarap ng food sa bamboom. kasi pinapili nya me is san kami. if bamboom or chef artist eh mas trip ko bamboom talaga ever since hehe. so ayun nag eat kami dun tapos naka free ako ng coffee kasi i was wearing pink shorts. eh napag usapan talaga namin yun na magpipink talaga kami for the said makeout sesh kasi it was really a celebration of hope hehe so ayon. mejo biglaan nga.

so the setting was the night was young but it was already dark. and i havent been out in the dark for a long time tbh. curfew. but the day before that, we already had a makeout sesh dedicated to missing each other because we havent seen each other for three weeks because i was in hq for 2 and we were clutching for 1. anw well dasurved naman yung seshie. nomnomnom.

was a nice day. i mean two days. mej mas wholesome lang yung first day since nag aftercare kami since maaga pa. di kami nakaganon second day because malapit na mag curfew. so ayun nalibre naman ako ng coffee, food, saka tubig. liek wwwwoooowiiee all free shit. so yeah i sucked the soul outta him and long story short after 9232879128312 strokes i made him nut. and it was a difficult thing to do. because yea its hard to make him nut i think bec of the endurance he has. idk. or choosy lang talaga tite nya sa pressure and speed. but whatevs. so ayon hehe. it was hot btw. so so so hot. liek we were sweating, moaning, and biting. so it was indeed hot. main points for me were he licked me from boobs to neck and gave me hickeys. it felt liek he was so into it so i got turned on as well kasi it was so nakaka ugh HAHA liekkk he was so horny on my bdy and he was licking, touching, biting, sucking, and its saliva on me. plus he ate me out down there. it was surprising mej na i made payag. bec its ewwie baga. anyways ayun he licked and sucked me down there mej epal lang yung hair. so we went back naman sa kissing and there was music naman na nice this time. and he was rubbing me down there and he put his fingers sa mouth namin so it had saliva and he put it back down on my pussy so that was more slippery to massage. he said babe basang basa parang ang sarap dilaan lieeeK AAAAH HAHAHA tbh im having goosebumps remembering it kasi usually delayed talaga reactions ko. but anyways it was satisfying too. although nakaadd din sa pagka turn on ko yung pag kiss nya sa other parts ng body ko and not just the intimate parts. it helps na he kissed my sa may tummy, sa neck, sa may shoulders. pero i have yet to know the equivalent feeling with what he feels about my bjs. because his moans are untapped when i give him head. and i like giving him head. i feel like little devil sucking the soul outta a mortal. i like putting my face on it, and i like that it feels like he's fucking my face. i go from the base to the head then i make the dick disappear, then gag so i dont make it to full magic. pero yeah next time when i get to practice off my gag reflex, maybe i could make it without gagging and i can make him nut in my mouth next time. i want to feel the warm stuff in my mouth. i wont swalloe tho ew. but i myt clean it off him after para clean finish. it feels so good kasi to have it in my mouth because its clean, it doesnt smell like bad or anything, and i liek the sensation of the interaction of my tongue and his veins and his head and how it responds to my licks and sucks and teases. plus i sucked his balls this time because i did a front blowy. he was so sensitive there and he was facing the ceiling already. he sometmes grabs me by the hair to fuck my face while i do the blowy but then he is very patient naman when he feels like i cant go deeper or if i need to rest my jaw. i also tease him between the head and the body. and then i lick it as a whole from the bottom to the top. then he says he licks it when i put it all in my mouth because its so hot or warm sa feeling. and i suck in air in my cheecks so that it creates a tight sensation. all i keep in mind with bjs is that its meant to mimic the feeling of pussy, tight warm, wet, slippery. its hot. hot hot. liek wow. i now kinda like dicks. but only his because its clean. some people have hygiene issues. but his dick is god tier. its kinda long, not too short, just the right girth, and it fits my mouth but still a challenge as to if i can do it whole for the next sesshies. anw yun. hihi. he left hickeys on my boob and on my neck. apaka baaaad. pero okay lang its so hot to think about how horny he was liek wow i dID THAT.

so yun oakay naman yung sexual experience. kami naman as a magkalandian goods rin kasi after nong dalawang session, nag watch na naman kami ng haikyu it was wholesome lang. it weird tho, kinda when on the first sesh he was hoping na he could be my boyfie daw. im like having second thoughts pa. pag nanalo si leni sasagutin ko sya hehe. love ko naman sya, pero not enough pa yun.

anyways people wee so hyped about #LeniForPresident2022!!! AAAA!!!!!! <33 im so pumped up to, I hope she wins!!! I hope we would do a good job supporting her. Go LENI!

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MOTIVATION

you are meant for greater things !!

australia!!

other countries!!

GRIND SZN!!

WINNING SZN!!

ang galit, gamitin

fuel.

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parang putangina

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*_*

fuck im kinda stressing out tryna figure out how to get an Australian scholarship broooo but MANIFESTING that a year from now im at australia happy and studyingggggg under a scholarship!! please LORD!! thank you!! <33 imma take my mother and sisters with me too! <33

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july 28 2021 at 11:46 PM

i dont really know what u trynna do but

whatever it is it makes me wanna ghost drew honestly im crazy insane and im mentally unstable and

plus emotionally unavaiable ibut ts fucking 8am why would u visit me dont u know in the morning im so ugly yet here you are our side my door beeping your car like u adore me too much i think i kinda like it but why would you wanna stick around with a crazy bitch like me

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haha

haha puta

ano na girl? tangina im hungry because i keep on watching mukbangs. i like them because of the sound. pero yun nga. also im craving for cheese burger rn like- wtf huhu also im ano h word. hungry.

hays anyways yun wala man tinatamad me mag update dito yawa may naka discover sa akin ih. parang ewan

anw i like this new song its clled uno. anyways gusto ko maggawa school work or what. pero ano kasi eh nakakainis lang kasi yun nga. ewan ko pe na naman. gusto ko magkape sa dunken donut or mag hot choco and sandwich sa starbucks putanginaaAAAaa gusto ko rin ng spicy wings from zarrrrrkkkss!!!!!!!!! aaAAaaaA tho diko lam kung same rin ditTOOOOoooOooo sa naga na masarap zarks

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karlo

karlo is tbh a nice guy. but i will be honest. when i look at him, i feel like he isn't meant for me. it's seems like i'm borrowing something, from someone else. it bothers me, but after that thought, i told myself i'll just make the best out of it. being with him is sort of convenient. mainly because he has a vehicle and we can go wherever i would want to. we can have a tambay place whenever we can because they own a fuggen place. but something is really missing. we connect on a physical intimate level, from the very start at day 1. i know we both felt that, thus we think we are special. but i don't know what's really going on. idk why i feel like this. i want to feel like we really are a great match. but idk as of now i think we really are just here for each other for the good times. i just feel like we don't talk on this thing that we have in a deeper sense. or maybe am i demanding too much since it has only been a short amount of time? we only met for an ongoing 46 days, and if we were manoks na 45 days, then we are like lulutuin na by today LOLLLL anw ayon idk how to handle this honestly. do i let it bloom or do i kill it before it lays more eggs so i should set it on fire? IDK MAN. anw im glad the things he give to me are fuctional things. like a comb which i declined for the first few insists, and then a powerbank on surprise because i always tell him i don't have one and my batt runs out quick, and then meds bec i was sick. i personally dislike it when people buy me shit that i can't even use and they just give it to me for the sake they can put it on record. i am for functional gifts, or gifts that are made with hardwork. i don't know what's going on thru karlo's mind but i will get a glimpse of it more. all i know is that: he mostly says "go with the flow" whenever faced with difficulties in our relationship that we have- whatever this is, but ends up trying to reconcile bec that what he wants. so with this i can infer na he has something up in his sleeves all the time. doesn't plan to reveal it tho. but i shall get to the bottom of this !! i don't know what exactly we are doing. all i know is that we aren't official. first off both of our parents don't like us to have a relationship yet and says to prioritize studies. but that's honestly nice, and i used to antagonize my parents for not letting me have one, so i had one secretly and blamed them secretly for the break up LMFAO but it just really turns out na my ex was THAT toxic. anw i'm rlly hoping we would have a deeper connection. but right now i'm just enjoying the laplap seshies with the guy and also the fact that i can display affection to someone. it's pretty nice to be pseudo-inlove. we say i love yous, go on dates, kiss and touch each other, like what actually inlove people would do. but deep down i just know it ain't that deep. idk if i should wait on it or what. but everytime iam with him i feel aight. tho sometimes i just don't know if i belong with him. but does that really matter??? i guess not really. all i have to do is to enjoy this- whatever this is. i just hope it's not a waste of time, and i very much hope we don't end on a bad note. hirit na rin me bilang favorite ex. HAHAHA yawa ex agad di pa nga ih. anw ayon don't want to be his gf yet tbh i just want to be w him with no pressure <33 just fun fun lang. i don't need a full blown committed relationship. i aint got energy for that. i int got the love for that. i need to think about it very much. tho he wants to be magjowa na but like nah bro.i enjoy freedom i have. anw ayorn. tho parang ang stable nya man kasama kasi nga wala syang masyadong problema s bohai. ok lang sya ako lang mej may inaayos saka umaangat palang. rising star yarnnn. anw yun. bahala na where this goes <33

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#003 09.05.21

mental health update

hi uh, so supposedly everyday ako logged in here but brown out kahapon tas umuwi akong tired kasi lumabas kami. we went to didick's kina-log where we had the !! best !! turones ever. it balanced out the kinalas very well and i finished the soup quickly. i was with tito tepen, tita rose, raffy, and mikee. it was a fun day. we went to cdab after to make tambay. personally i like cwc bec it's a place where i find rest in. we just made tambay and bought some chichirya and soldings hehe. tapos ayun nga ano po nareremember ko lang before nagpunta din kami ni mother dun after fetching big ass styros of samgyup stocks and we peacefully ate there while i was drawing on my ipad. i think we had somn sweet but i didn't order anything because we just had brekky at mcdonalds. then on some dates jence and i went there to eat and i usually order the big ass burger that came with fries and i pair it with mango shake. and i did the same when gie, jence, and i went there again together. but it's kinda far from home so we always have to get there by car. sometimes before in the good times we went there with lunchmates. but now we ain't just that tight anymore lmfao but whatever, i never stuck with the same circle of friends ever anyways. i am not the same with people who are able to have long lasting relationships because my non attachment skills are incredibly good, but i can do it because of toxic reasons of past experiences.

anw i've been productive lately. i read, workout for my back, log in here, take notes, don't allow backlogs to stack up, and do orgworks. that's mostly what i do to call it a productive day. it's actually very simple but it keeps me sane, away from being on toxic socmeds. great job

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so ayon nga hehe

so ayon nga mga marecakes hehe narrate ko na lang nangyari today.

so i was like chilling today right im all set for school because i did my homeworks naman days before it was needed so i was like, "aight lets get this shit today". tapos karlo message me he wanted cuddles eh i was like hMMM... we just made out the other day eh and its like tuesday palang today !! i told him nalang na make it happen, not rlly thinking he would make it happen. but this mf took it as a challenge and actually made it happen.

before all that tho i was badtrip because ha made a very uncalled for rape joke and it fucked me up in the head, plus the fact na im being taken to someplace unfamiliar. i was very tensed the whole ride there. anw he didnt get the hint na it was THAT awful to me, but its aight we resolvedt it already. i'll keep a tab on this tho. for me that was a red flag.

anyways we made out in this tambayan place their family owns. basically it has a large parking lot and across that space was this little studio type housie house. the place had a large ass gate, wasnt really paying attention to what he was saying about the place because i was still tensed with the bad joke he made. anyways we went in and it was a very nice place. outside the house, it wasnt that obvious, but when you go in, it legit looked like one of those sala sets in malls with the note "thank you for not sitting" typa shit. so yeah it was nice it had same vibes with vista mall maybe because of the ceiling yellow scattered lights and of the fresh ass furniture and the whole place itself. it was a pretty decent size, not too big not too small for at least two people to share in the long run. it also had this aircon i always wanted the expensive ones u see in 5 stars. anyways it was quickly cold. there was also the bathroom that had a shower, then theres this chair where you pull a button and a foot rest will pop up lmfao. there were also two other sofa charis by the window. the window was the type then you push back up, not much windows tbh. but thats aight and reasonable since it has an aircon. i was tensed at first when the room was opened. it was obviously recently used idk maybe by his relative. WAS TENSED BRO same feeling when you enter an empty room newly unlocked by your teacher. THAT. that typa anxiety. anyways eventually joined him to sit by the small bed. was pretty much good for one big ass person to comfortably lie on, but fitted both of us nicely. didn't really bottom at that sesh so i don't really remember if the bed was uratex when weight is applied on me but it probably is AHSHDHASHDHSAHDSAHAH ok mej funny yun goiz liek- HAHA ok serious na nga hmpz. we cuddled first before doing nasty stuff. it was nice. i'd exchange all those laplapan just to wholesomely cuddle in peace and probably have a great nap together. i like the feeling the warm feeling. it was nice. yes. anyways,, yeah it was nice. cant stop talking about how nice it was because it was nice. heck... it was so nice. it was so heart heart. idc about my coochie getting rubbed, CUDDLE ME BITCH. anyways we started kissing and the rest is historyYYYYYY. jk. basically the make out routine starts with cuddling then kissing then he touches me until it reacher the forbidden softie softie, main bec he likes hearing my sexy ass moan. even before in tinder when i vm my boytoys for the first time the first thing they say my voice is smexy. cant blame them i agree. even when im alone and i randomly fake moan gat dam bro i get turned on too LMFAO. so yeah i moaned bec it was music to his ears and turned him on big time. was ngl kinda steamy when we breathe in each others mouth thats one of my favorite parts of it and also when i suck on his tongue. or also when i moan into his mouth. yep. also when he cusses it means im doing a great job. hehe. nice stuff ryt there. we pause sometimes to rest, then go aead again. i got many rounds that day. we did same stuff on the bed several times. then he pulled me so i'd be on top. im such a great top bro he aint know hoe to topppp. then was cuddling on top of him and then accidentally (wink wink) grinded on his rock solid stuff. he was turned on sabi nya shit anuyon sabi ka ah ayaw mo ok BUT THEN he was like gusto ko. tnagina pabebe yarn. anw i started kissing then grinding and he was cussing bec im so good at it. later my pants were off and later his shorts too. so we were underwear-away from grinding on directly. was nice got me tiredt. THEN HAHAH i saw this 5 peso coin by the bed and i was like eto yung token sa rides AHSDHASHDASHDHA WOF YAN TEH? tangina tawang tawa sya gago ang funny ko tlg san ka makakakuha ng kallapan na funny. tas nilagay ko sa gilid nya singko started grinding again. bet u he was grinding too. AND IT WAS SO HARD IT LOWKEY HURT TO GRIND ON. GEEZAS. so basically the whole bed was shaking. and i did my deed as a good girl to keep the music on (aka moaning) because there was no music. felt like

asmr. boring af. unlike when we make out sa car, theres always music. i like making out on the white chev instead of the fortuner BECAUSE THE FORTUNERS WINDOWS AIN TINTED what in the world was i thinking making out inside an untinted car INSIDE A PARK WHERE THERE ARE LOTSA PPL PASSING BY. anyways back to the bed, we paused, cuddled. then i was badtrip again for some reason so i got up to get dressed but we eventually made out again on the sofa hehe. legs spread again bec he liked touching there so i let him. then eventually was begging me to allow him to eat me out but i was like BROOOO NOOOO you gon taste it and it be not groomed yet in anyway but he was alr there begging looool he looked so adorbs but NOOO. i asked wala ka man benefit jan, sabi nya ikaw meron. tas sabi ko why do u wanna do it, he said he wasnted to satify me liek HNGGGGGG ok i would let you but it really not be groomed oakay NEXT TIME for sure. AND HECK the lights were on. it was daylight and the lights were on like hasdhahsdhashdas it feels liek im being eaten out at the home decor station at vista mall U GUYZ. anyways ayon. after non i think he tried carrying me for some reason. and i knew he found me heavy lols. but yeah i was a cute little moment he carried me around the room pretending its a mall and he's touring me and shit, "to your left, is the sala set, to your right is the flat screen tv..." things like that HAHAHA funny cute moment. anw later on we found ourselves sitting on the little bed again i was on top of him. he didnt want to lay down bec he alrady made the bed lol so we started grinding again sitting, me on top doing my best !! giving my all !! bec he also had a finger down there as i grinded on his stuff so it basically felt like a direct grind lols. anyways was nice. then later on we made out standing up. was kinda hard because he was 7 inches taller. OH AKALA NYO TITE SIZE YUNG 7 INCHES NOH. hinde. so ayon we were making out and he was shy to ask for a deep throat HAHSDHAHDHAS HECK NAW BITCH U TOLD ME A RAPE JOKE. so this is the part where i get revenge. he was standing there, and i was teasing him. was acting clueless, but he hinted he wanted his belt off so i took it off. was honestly confused with the belt. lol. anw i got to remove it and said, so ano next? playfully hhehhehehe. anyways ayon nga eventually me teased him everrr soooo slowly his dick went from solid-jelly-solid-jelly. LMFAO omfg will i cause him illness? omg. anwwww ayon. later on i removed his shorts as he asked. then i stepped aaway from him across the room because he was doing the shy type hands while hsis shorts was by his foot. and i LOL'd at him for a good few minutes just clapping my hands out of entertainment HAHSDHAHSDAS. then he asked me to put my hands inside, did it slowly and i told him to smile ka nga muna. AND HA THE MF WAS SHAKING. LOL. my fucking powerrrrrrr. anyways later on i was teasing out the underwear, then later i got my hands in again and then touchedt the dick *YAY* finally we got there!! anw it was only for a few secs and i told him its over HAHAHA. then i put his shorts back up again, but subtly teasing that i would suck. bec the shorts were by his ankles so i had to kneel. did i suck? no. did i make sure he thought i was? YES BITCH. and then he lay down fretting because i didnt suck his dick and then while was laying down i opened his shorts again to pretend that his dick was a computer mouse and told him "lets play solitaire, o kaya counterstrike or maybe purble place. gawa ng cake hehe" lmfao mfer be cry laughing because he dont know what to do bec he was teased. so ayon we ended that way and i thought he was bad trip bec of what i did. but he assured me na di naman like dapat lang duh. anyways ayon hehe.

uwi na kami after nakauwi ako 1. andon kami 10. hehe. hinatid nya man me pauwi. tho yung byahe pauwi di pa kami nakakalayo sa place he pulled over so i was confused bec there were no big vehicles incoming but to my surpris he started kissimg me again lol bro deins ka ba nasasawa. anw yon. was nice naman. making out with a guy from a rich fam is nice bec yall dont need to pay to rent in motels lol but still has pressure, bec if we end on a bad note, i swear most of the blgs here are engineered by his relatives. thats how prominent they are. the place we went to is owned by his uncle, who works at legazpi rn thats why the place was vacant. theyre making a mall i think idk. so thats why his uncle is making another like that na place dun. so he has somewhere to stay. like what in the wealth... its crazy how people have money. and for sure even if the place we stayed in was small, it costs millions fr. anyways ayun yung promised detailed chika ko. hehe ciao. mej pokpok nga me pero look at me suffering the consequences, may sipon na ako aside sa ubo because he had mild sipon. now my sipon is malala compared to his, and he alr is recoveredt tangina unfair. but yesterday he insisted to see me to drop off some meds and he hugeed me and cried. because i asked for a time out the night before. bec i was having a hard time. he allowed it but over thinkedt it so yeah he cried while hugging me tight in the car. and kept on saying sorry mainly bec of the sipon thing. but it was, i felt, directed to the other stuff he had disappointed me with. anyways before that sabi nya ok lang ba sayo mag punta munang emall may bibilhin lang, sabi ko naur im sick. it was bec he wanted to buy me gummy worms lol. cute. u shoulda bought them before going to me, mofo. jk. loveee u penggg.

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#002 08.28.21 hello, storm's over.

hello! the storm is gone! it is time to see the RAINBOW *glitters* most likely, the only way to go right now, is up. no where else. that's the only direction i can see we're going, and i am beyond over the moon !! finally, it is our time to rise. this is the revenge. revenge is sweeter when you do not interfere with karma. life has a system of balancing things universally, we should not interfere with that, and all what is due shall be given. this morning i was messaged by mami sha. she told me my mother is already doing better compared to other days which i am relieved. the stress is lesser, and life is simpler. she likes it there, sa house na peaceful. SO IT'S BETTER FOR THE MIND AND BODY THAT WAY. AY CAPSLOCK BONGGAAAA!! HAHAHAHA anyways ayon nga diba mga marecakes !! paangat na kami sa life IMMA CLAIM IT !! ang gusto ko lang naman peaceful life, no stress galing sa mga mukhang tae na yon, stable income na nakukuha ni mother from business or what because she deserves it and she works hard and buti nakukuha namin yung mga tulong na kailangan namin daily !! THANK YOU LORD FOR HEARING OUT MY PRAYERS !! LOVE YOU !! grabe intense talaga mga marecakes mga ganap. kala nila porket kinuha nila yung mga sofa, genset, chairs, table, bedsheets, chiller, freezers, documents, car, and trying to takeover the business, they thought they really took something. but HECK NAW!! we are LIVING AND THRIVING MORE THAN EVER! I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH, LORD. IM SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU BUT NOW I CAN SEE WHY. IT IS CLEAR TO ME AND I COULDNT BE MORE GRATEFUL !! GRABE KAKAMANGHA HOW THINGS WORK HOW GOD MOVES THINGS IN OUR LIVES. It is indeed a painful process, but nothing can compare to the joy that is about to come! brace urselves mga marecakes its time for self love na ulit and staying more than afloat in this life. babawi ulit, babangon ulit, lalaban pa rin kahit anong mangyari nalalgpasan natin yan lahat. ang dami naming pinagdaanan in 2021 alone, and di pa tapos ang taon pero sigurado akong tapos na ang bagyo. yung mga taong inaasahan mong anjan, yun pa yung tatraydor sayo na parang wala kayong pinagsamahan. aagawin sayo lahat nang walang awa. OR AT LEAST THEY THOUGHT. in reality, even though its painful; especially to see my mother stressed, pressured with what is to come for us, alam ko kasi inaalala nya yung mga susunod na mangyayare syempre nanay sya nawoworry sya kung makakaprovide pa ba sya saamin the same levels kasi gusto nya lang naman ang the best for us. pero ang important man lang saakin magkakasama kaming five ni mommy, tito christian, raffy, mikee, and me <33 tbh yun lang saka mga basic needs. guds na ako don kala naman ni demonyong mitch di namin kaya LMFAO baka sanay to sa mga tiis tiis. di naman kami well-off all the time eh. tbh nag start naman talaga kaming budget budget lagi. lately lang kami nakaluwag luwag. yung nakakaafford ng laptops saka kotse kahit second hand ganyan. pero ipon ulit tayo; ang pera, bumabalik yan. umiikot lang yan. kaya wag na masyadong mag alala, mag focus lang sa goals na makapag ipon, makaget through sa mga hurdles ng life and stick together happy healthy and safe. 'yun lang naman sakin ayoko na ng sobrang complicated life. take it easy lang. just have self love and actualize it, the rest will follow. kasi if you love yourself, you will remain healthy, happy, safe, will be productive in live, and will excel. so its really important to keep a positive otlook in life no matter how corny it sounds, nothing really beats a positive mindset. Thank You, LORD. Sobra. For everything. for Mami Sha, Tito Fix, Chef Lea, Tito Tepen, Tita Rose, and everyone else who makes our lives worth living and lifting all the burden together with us. It is beyond my reach how things happen, but YOU make things possible for us no matter how bleak it seems. At the end of the day YOU provide us with everything we need and YOU always get us through the storm. LOVE YOU LORRRDDD SOLIIIIIDDD GRABE!! Ito ay isang thank YOU post para po SAYO HIHI. Tanging prayer ko lang is tuloy tuloy na pagbangon namin kasi me thinks kota na rin

kami sa mga bagay bagay na masama. I mean they took the car and my sofa we should draw the line there AHAHAHAHHA THANKS LORD MWA SOLID TALAGA US. AMEEEEENNNN!!!!

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thinking bout thingz....

lol hi so i’m not able to open the tumblr webpage due to the fact there’s still a blackout but then casureco is here alr to fix the damn problem. anyway i was hoping if there was any chance i could have a make out sesh with my current kalandian and he was like inviting me over to his house because his family would be out BUT LIEK theres a scheduled blackout for bukas so i’m kinda like nagdadalawang thinking with it you know but he claimed he’d turn the genset on BUT LIEK okay sure tho IDK whats my experience with gensets. ANW i’m nervous about it simply because it isnt my place and his parents, being prestigious people, might think im a slut. i mean liek- WHO INVITES A GIRL OVER DURING BLACKOUT HOURS WHILE HIS FAMILY IS AT A DAMN BEACH PARADISE. WHAT ELSE COULD WE POSSIBLY DO SA BAHAY NILA KUNDI MAGLAPLAPAN AM I RIGGGHHTTT? anw ayon game naman me basta he makes things happen i can make things happen too uwu but liek nakakatakot lang what if umuwi sila or something or maybe cctv something IDK i swear im over thinking the scenario BUT ONE THING’S FOR SURE: I AM G. HEHE. ok that was whore me speaking but liek who doesnt want their ass grabbed rite. anw im a bit worried thats all. because his prents are rich, probably known in the city, aND OLD. MAN IDK WTD PLUS I HAVE DADDY ISSUES. SO. YK. IDK. OMFG. PLUS HIS MOM IS AGAINST HIM HAVING A GF BEC ACCORDING TO HER ITS RIBARAW. WHICH APPARENTLY MEANS DISTRACTION OR ABALA LIEK OMG me sucking ya sons dick prolly gonna have him doing 10 homeworks at once. idk. anw yan. idek. what to do hihi. prolly need to wait but yeaaaa sayang ligo ko kagabi because i thought may carfun sched kami kagabi but then liek nagluto sila ng baked tahong and pata diba anong laban ko dyan. bayern ibang tahong kinain. anyways !! walang bago mars mejo hindi aketch productive lately nawala mga source of income ko na pinagkakaabalahan ko tho mababalik ko man yun soon AND HOPEFULLY makuha ko na scholar dough ko para makapag:


1. dentist teeth restoration redo (4k)

2. buy clothes (1k)

3. buy a pencil dupe if no hope na dun sa old pencil huhu (1.5k)

so yan man lang hopefully so mga half ng dough magagastos ko and yung other 6k i think bigay o kay mother to help with stuff around. anyways sana makuha ko na dough soon bec my teeth…

also sana magkabebe time na kami ulit ni karlo kasi yung last decent date namin was liek our third ass meeting pa lmfaoooooo liek its literally my favorite day it was perfect. it was not too much and wasnt lacking either so it was a nice day spent w him hihi. so ayon dream date ko naman ngayon is inuman with him tapos the rest will follow its either rated 13 or 18 idk depends hehe. bayern si karlo. but frrrrrrr the guy IS hot. just doesnt register well on cam but liek… when you look at him and watch him speak and see how confident he is talking to random people its liek, im stunned man. lieKKKK. also his dedication in what he likes to do actually makes me like him more wish i could have written that in my letter but liek i forgot now he thinks i’m against him biking all the time. sheesh. tho i overthink it sometimes but truth is he’s just addicted to biking. anyways i like that for him. love that for him because it is an act of self love and it means he is able to materialze his resoureces !!!!!!! which is good!!! he has the privilege, its his job to use it. !!! <3333 yun lang hihihiihihihihihihi sana maglaplapan kami soon. balitaan ko kayo if maglaplapan kami bukas or hindi uwu. pero if hindi man edi wag. pero kung oo sulat ko here yung chika in detail para maentertain kayo mga sis <33

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i swear if this guy has thoughts on playing me i'll make sure i'll break his heart 100x worse <33 i recognize guises, i dont ignore them <33 fr this mf be underestimating me. i'll make his ass fall for me so hard he cant even see the horizon. and once he's in that hole, i don't have any intentions of sending a rope down :) good luck to him <33

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#001 08.25.21

will track my progress with my mental state in bullet points starting today - is way better than the other weeks - lesser painful feelings felt - i found out smiling really helps to battle the bad thought - changes made: praying & writing down here as catharsis - acceptance and relief that we are out of the old apartment: non attachment to the material things, as well as to the car - less disoriented unlike other days di alam kung anong sequence ng simple tasks ang uunahin even tho its so basic just like paghuhugas ng plates i get messy - can handle emotions better than other days - knows worth better: not caring what others would do / think; so proceeds to not pour energy to things that are irrelevant - has more self control; discipline in light of chores lol - lesser suicidal thoughts - practices self care more - lesser tendencies to self sabotage

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OPEN!!

hello! you will open this when you are lost again, or sad again, and overwhelmed. so i am here to remind you: 1. if they ain't caring for you, they ain't worth it. so just let it be.

2. dont beg anyone to stay. youre just extending their stay, but tbh theyve made up their mind to leave and eventually will. so dont waste your energy with that. okay, girlie?

3. you are your own life vest whether we admit it or not you are capable of saving urself babe!! promise!! time and time again you made it thru nights that seemed unbearable but here you are!!

4. smile!! physically battle depression!! it is effective you need to clear your headspace, then smile bright. silawin mo yang sadness na yan ng apaka gandaaaa mong smilllleeeeee!!!! 5. but dont repress emotions. you have to embrace it sometimes but do everything in your power to fight it afterwards so that we can proceed to having better days in our lives <33

6. self first no matter what!! please we don't have all our lives to be burnt out :) we can't afford burn out after burn out babe, keep your chin up girlie, and never lose composure <3

7. don't punish yourself. if you feel like youve done something bad, its not for you to decide to self-sabotage. the world already has its natural way of balancing things, it is not in your power to punish yourself. never do yourself dirty. always take care of yourself even in days you don't feel like it. even in days where you don't love yourself. you have to and i am more than sure that your future self will be more than grateful for that.

8. you are human it is normal to feel these feelings. on the chart, its not only happiness that a person can feel. so don't treat sadness as something foreign or alien. its not. its natural. we are bound to feel it. so you gotta feel it. but NEVER EVER be addicted to sadness. it can be addictive at times. but you'll only end up in a downwards spiral. please save yourself. you know yourself best. BREATHE. take a step back. you gotta use brains on this too. HECK if you need to, search it up on the net. sometimes you friends wont be able to say what you need to hear BUT THATS OKAY! they arent your therapist. it might be tiring but yea you gotta girlboss your way out of that shithole and BEST BELIEVE I AM PROUD OF YOU!!! <333

9. don't let them dampen your day. they dont have that power if you dont let them. i promise it isnt the end of the world when someone tries to ruin your day lmao <33 you have more power over things than you think !! <33

10. walk. outside. they say it tells your brain you are moving forward physically. so it really helps you get out of that bad juju headspace. and even if it seems bleak, you are NEVER alone. its just the sad hormone tricking you that you are hopeless, but in reality, we live in this biggggg assss hugeeee extra big universe where earth is just a speck in this galaxy. maybe those problems arent big as they seem. theres something about it being that colossal, and us being this miniscule !! keep going bro this aint the end! theres a limit to the storms, and everyday, we'll keep hoping for a rainbow! <333

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bro quick, reply. she's almost done making a 13-page single-spaced case analysis about you

good morning! i decided i shall make a brief surface-level case analysis of you guessedt it right -- quarloe! <33 so here's the thing, right. we shouldn't get all over the place. so let's start with his family background, of what we know- of course. Quarloe lives in a household wherein a functional family is evidently present. Scenarios that prove this are: 1) healthy family bond - he hangs out with his mom dad like they watch TV and stuff togETHER! CAN YOU BELIEVE SUCH THINGS EXISSSTT LMFAO. Also he reports that he is both close to his mom and dad. and even tho they are old, i think failry enough they still make time for karlo their youngest childt. I only experienced that when I was like 7 we were watching natgeo documentaries but now his parents are like 60+ yrs old, still together, making dough SO SO MUCH DOUGH, spending enough time with their children. ALL THAT he has all that. so that's honestly good. for him it will really solidify his character over all i think and it will really be a good foundation for him in the familial light. Plus, it makes him a potentially LESSER PROBLAMATIC PERSON unlike ng isa jan lol jk love u self! anw ayon nga so diba ayon don na tayo sa healthy family nya. Kasi they have all their needs, and he has all the resources he could use. From physiological, safety, love/belonging, esteem, and self actualization he has all of those readily and easily available for him. Man it must be so masarap sa feeling uuwi ka and you have all that. You dont have much to worry about <333 Good for him. Which leads to my second point 2) an individually healthy lifestyle. since he has all the lower tiers of maslow's hierarchy of needs, he can then proceed to <3 self-actualization <3 wHICH EVIDENTLY IS BEING DONE BY MY Babe go babe galeng. motherfucker has a bike worth 130k ewan ko nalang kung di ka sipagin mag cycle. anw ayon namaterialize nya naman mga resources nya which is nice. and I can see he takes care of his prized-possessions well. most of the time he is cleaning his bike OR his cleats. damn shawty. Plus im seeing self love and self care on this. He bikes bec he wanted to balance out his upper and lower bod DAMN SHAWTY YO I AINT KIDDING WHEN HE HAS A HOT ASS BOD BROOOO he's almost six pack ;-; CAN I PLS touch char. i aint kidding... he's tbh hot. on first glance tbh he aint. like i wouldnt get the impression or what. but if you look closely he's honestly a gem so idk why nobody was with him alr. bat wala syang jowa why nasa bumble. anyways another observation i have abt him is that 3) he is so defensive of his past. he mustve done something idk i shouldnt judge him for anything majorly in the past bec i am not in the past i am here in the present <333 with him. so i must stay there and not leave or wander or else we done. anyways idk what it is but i hope he finds peace in that and let it rest. theres something bothering him. and its a sensitive topic na im not sure im capable of talking about today. maybe if sobrang sama ng loob ko magrant ako dito about dun pero for now i'll let it slip thru my fingers for peace. i think yan na muna for now <3 third consecutive entry letsgo THANK YOU LORD I AM GETTING BETTER EMOTIONALLY LOVE YOU PO!!! <33

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meh

my bridge entry just to keep me having more entries so that events aren't all in one whole ass entry and its alr good for like a month. so yeah. nice. whatever feeling meh.

i dont expect karlo on anyday unlike before. kastrict man kaya ng kanyang older brother like peram naman ng bunso nyo lods sainyo na nga yan all your lives tas ganean. charot pero sa true man for safety purposes rin esp di pa ako vaxxedtT. pero im WAXXEDT *glitters* anyways yarn. usto ko lang naman mag date kami ni karlo pisteng yawa di na nga ako umaasang libre guds man lang me sa kkb eh ang important saken yung quality timeeeEE!!!!! ALSO di ko pa nabibigay yung pinaghirapan kong idrawing ilang araw na yorn delayed wayop

anyways hihe ayon iritado na naman manay mo as usual kasi ang inet? anw xoxad na di kami makalabas ni karlo tho soon sana dami namin plans ih. major plan tho is the afternoon tea which is kinda like my idea ofc being my maarte self na usto sa malamig saka sa mga furufancy AHSDHADHA tHO KKB MARS UNLESS PINILIT ME CHAR. Anw ayon. HIHI. OR if not if biglaan lang edi laplapan lang ganun pero liek need ko muna magpagaling sa 3 weeks ko na naubo wayop tagal tagal ko nang may ubo when kaya mawawala para makapaglaplapan na kami mars IDK anyways need ko muna maalis ubo ko kasi i dont wanna repeat history mars ew. yon lang muna balitaan ko kayo. <33 THANK YOU LORD KAY KARLO HAHAHAH HININGI KO SYA SAYO NUNG ISANG ENTRY KO NAKULITAN KA PO ATA KAYA BINIGAY MO NA HEHEHEHE THANKS PO MWAH LOVE YOU LORD !!!!!!!!