#I need to email the teacher now

[gumy-shark]

<- god's wettest most pathetic most stressed most anxious beast btw

#i have a flight in 2 days and i hate airports they stress me out so much too many people *vine boom* #i lost my driver's license last month so i'm gonna have to get through the tsa without legal photo ID *vine boom* #the flight takes off at 7am meaning im gonna have to wake up at like 4 to get there *vine boom* #it also means i need to stay the night tomorrow with some family friends i barely know *vine boom* #so i need to do laundry and email teachers and shit Tonight *vine boom* #my ride busted a tire and got stranded in the middle of nowhere so now i have to worry abt his safety and also find a new ride *vine boom* #AND I'VE GOT A FUCKING LAB DUE TOMORROW #so now im just doing homework and daily tasks and whatnot walking around all chill like i dont feel like the most stressed being alive #conclusion: oh shit the Creature is back

[chloeseyeliner]

i may have a very complicated relationship with my mother, but the thing is, one part of it i would never change is the fact that she introduced me to some great (and often times not so great for my taste, but still fun and interesting) music.

most important of it all: this woman taught me how to scream queen from the top of my lungs.

i think this in particular says a lot.

like, i was a ten-year-old, just a year into learning english, and i already recognised the first note of i want to break free. i went camping every summer from when i was 12 to when i was 16, and i introduced the kids in the same dorm as me to the euphoria of clapping to the rythm of we will rock you. i danced in the darkness of my room to radio ga-ga during quarantine, because i was scared and confused and ate toast for dinner for two weeks straight since there was nothing else there. i hummed bohemian rhapsody while studying during what i then thought of as the most academically challenging year of my life to keep myself sane in front of calculus. i fell in love for the first time the same year, and i thought of her while listening to good old fashioned lover boy and you're my best friend, because i wasn't able to tell her, so i kept her close to me that way. i went to study in another, unknown city, to live on my own for the very first time, and, inter alia, i put on killer queen, innuendo and don't stop me now, and even i'm in love with my car, to feel like home, a place i never had, because...

i may have a very complicated relationship with my mother, but sometimes my heart thinks that the music we both love will bridge the gap between us. that queen will magically make her arms feel like home, and not somewhere hard and suffocating to be inside of.

#i don't even know #i just saw a few queen posts #(and also somewhat unrelated: thought of freddie changing his name and all that... yeah. ugh) #and just boom it came out of me #also i am aware these songs are some of the most popular #but i love them all #so much #so yeah #queen rocks #(pun unintended) #mother daughter relationships are so... confusing #but at least we still have queen #queen band #freddie mercury #brian may #john deacon #roger taylor #the irony of it all #now that i think about it #she doesn't know i am queer but she introduced me to the band whose main singer is a queer icon. #fun fact #(not so fun but oh well) #i had an assignment on aids at 11th grade #and i sneaked in freddie in the epilogue #and my teacher (who liked the assignment and gave me an a yay) was so moved she sent me 'love of my life' via email #because i 'needed to listen to it ASAP' and 'queen was her favourite back when she was younger' #(it was during quarantine) #personal rant

[bunnihearted]

📓🖊️🌧️🌫️

#just... ugh! im so frustrated nd need to vent a bit #sadly.. smth i havent accepted yet is that having avpd will be constant thru my life and it will have ups and downs #i had a pretty long run of not being *that* avoidant #for 2 weeks now i'm back in that suuuuuper avoidant place #like super avoidant. i dont even go for walks or go to the grocery store. or send emails to my teachers (important!!!!) #i cant look at anything thats important. i dont even clean my room T-T #this is the 2nd week im skipping school which is v bad. nd i havent done anything on my assignment in the course i need to finish in march #i dont open messages or reply to anyone bc i just cant it gives me too much anxiety #im simply avoiding EVERYTHING #and it's such an awful place to be stuck in i hate it so so so so much #worst part is I HAVE NO FKN IDEA HOW TO BREAK FREE!!!!!!! #i've never gotten any treatment for my avpd nd there is actually no information or research online so idk how to handle it #i just wait and simmer in this fkn.... sucky ass soup mess nd wait nd wait #until suddenly it just loosens nd i can start doing things here nd there #the problem is. i dont rlly have time #i dont have time to sit and wait!!! i have time sensitive responsibilities that i risk ruin if i dont do them #i just have no idea HOW to do anything rn. bc it doesnt work to just force myself to do them #it doesn work to make lists or schedules #it suxxx that there isnt rlly any treatment or accessible tips for how to deal w avpd bc im rlly... #im alone... out in the open sea... no one around as far as the eye can see... no life raft. no help skskksks #anyway #ig all i can do is wait nd *try* to do small things as much as i can nd hope i'll get less avoidant soon #i just hate this so much. i always feel so awful nd terrible nd it's so bad ugh

[wishmemel]

the way my page has regressed to me just trying to keep up with my moots — i am sooo tired rn n just trying to make sure everyone else is doing well <33

#that’s why this will never just be a writing blog istg #i have so many drafts in my notes n no motivation to any of them #i pulled an all nighter yesterday jusy for my test today n ended up feeling so dizzy at school that i had to leave BEFORE THE TEST #ya i’m upset but it’s okay i emailed my teacher n now i get more time to study !! #but i crashed as soon as i got home n just woke up from a 10 hour nap #i needed that sooo badly cause i am so burnt out rn istg if the school system doesn’t just abolish itself #anyway i hope everyone else is doing well n good — even if i’m not super active on here i wanted to keep up with moots #don’t forget me !! #i’ll be more active once i’m less tired i swear #꒰ soon you'll get better. ꒱

[kohakhearts]

me as a student: it must be so annoying for teachers to receive emails from former students, idk if i wanna bother them even if they said i could :/

me as a teacher: if you dont email that story you showed me after youve finished writing it just know that i KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE-

#taylor.txt #ok i have a former student whose email i desperately need to respond to...i told him to send me a reminder if i forgot to respond and he di #so djfgfjkdjkfd it's time. it's time #that being said i also just sent an email to one of MY high school teachers and theres this weird part of my brain thats like #what if he doesnt remember who i am. as if you could ever forget a kid who spent every other lunch hour crying in your classroom #i wanted to tell him about where i'm teaching now and like...i'm graduating uni! bc i used to send him yearly updates but never did this #year so yeah. my rational brain knows he'll appreciate it and be excited for me but it does kind of feel like a...damn it's kinda weird to #still be sending emails to your high school teachers 5 years out #but like aforementioned former student of mine i technically didn't even teach #he was in a club i ran in sept-nov 2022. and obviously i don't find it weird that he's still emailing me so yeah #teachers love this shit. believe me. when we say 'you can always email!!!' we mean it lmfao

[homuncvlus]

Pmdd is actively fucking ruining my life fuck fuck this shittt

Why do I have to live with the consequences of things I do when I'm like this and why do i only get one good week a month if I'm lucky

#ive messed up really bad bc now my teacher just thinks im making excuses when i want to explain everything and why its not so easy for me #well i didnt say anything but i said i will send her an email and i left in a hurry so now shes worried abojt what it is im going to say #its related to when i was posting about how i tried to be truthful about the situation but again it was only half #and i dont have an official diagnosis i havent beem abck for a checkup yet fuck this #i left in a hurry and now im in bed i didnt mean to but my default is reaction is flight and i had to get out #this whole day i thought i was going to die the anxiety got so bad i almost cried at lunch arghhhh #tldr i deleted a bunch of work when i got too overwhelmed and just wanted to see it again and now deadline is wednesday #i dont have time for this my exams start in 2 weeks #and i got my period this morning #i need to kill someone why do people not understand the difference between an excuse and an explanation when im literally trying my best to #be honest here #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #pmdd posting #lasar being incoherent

[butterflies-and-bumble-bees]

about to scream

#NONE of my emails seem to have been getting through to my professor #or she just ain't answering #I thought I was texting the teacher at the school I'm doing student teaching at for like a week #and she just like wasn't responding #(which I get she's busy and none of my texts actually warented a responce) #but I just got told I've been texting the wrong number #I'm having hella cramps and virtigo and stayed in bed until noon today and am now super jittery because of it #(if I wasn't supper dizzy I could run a marathon rn) #and I m just about done with everything #my professor has us turn in some work online and some in person in class #so I have no clue what I even need to turn in cause I can't just check my submission records #like I usually do when I can't remember if ive turned smth in #I gonna spontaneously combust #I need ibuprofen and horse tranquilizer

[be-gay-do-crime-ahaha]

Holy fucking shit the dysphoria is dysphoria-ing right now. I feel physically nauseous oh my fucking god. I’m gonna fucking kill someone maybe myself rn I’m gonna lose my shit holy hell.

Doesn’t help that I’ve been incredibly overstimulated the past few days every sound is like a fucking cheese grater in my ears oh my god.

#dysphoria #gender dysphoria #sensory processing disorder #tw emetophobia #for the nausea mention #idk if that’s needed or not #but yeah I’m about to tear off my fucking skin and jump off a building I am losing my fucking mind #it’s so over #lmao my brain is fucked i genuinely wanna off myself over this shit #and my mother keeps refusing to even entertain the idea of getting my name changed on the school role #even though all my teachers and friends call me Alex and that’s what I’ve been going by for a few years now #and it would make things significantly easier for everyone because it would fix my email name as well #so that’s not helping #and she was talking about my period and being all “it’s okay all WOMEN get these ❤️ you’re just becoming a beautiful woman #and now she keep being rude to my sister because she uses men’s deodorant (because it works better) and doesn’t really wear dresses #(because she finds them annoying and inconvenient) #and is being all “hurr durr you’re copying your SISTER stop being so masculine” #like fucking hell #shit talking me and harassing my sister all at once #man I want to fucking kill myself im so done with this shit #and I’m so overdue on school work and I feel so overwhelmed and stressed this fucking sucks #and I know the school work and stuff is fully my fault for forgetting and slacking off but I can’t bring myself to do them because the #stress of fucking up and just how much of it I have to do is pushing me to my damn limit #I can’t even bring myself to start on my film and media assignment that’s a week overdue because I’m so fucking stressed just thinking about #it and I’m so overwhelmed I can’t fucking do this. I just can’t. and I know I’m at fault for procrastinating and being too lazy and stressed #to bring myself to start working on it #and things are just gonna get more and more difficult #so yeah. rant over I guess. sorry guys #did not mean to rant in the tags this much dysphoria is just killing me and so is general stress #tw suicidal thoughts

[siena-sevenwits]

:-)

#Huzzah! I had some emails and phone call with my program director and I talked her into switching The Aeneid out for Beowulf! #(Don't get me wrong - the Aeneid is good - but given the needs of the kids this year I think it would be bad timing and kill the love of #learning in some of them. We're doing Beowulf instead! Yay! #And I talked them into doing a non-Shakespeare play for theatre #Don't get me wrong - I looooove Shakespeare. Fell in love with him at seven years old when my mom read passages aloud to me #and did many kitchen productions. But again - it's a matter of timing and the small window of rehearsal time we have. There's not #sufficient time to get the kids thriving with Shakespeare's language and characters and in spite of my efforts to make the #rehearsal process welcoming fun and easy - some kids are drowning because they're trying to cope with learning Shakespeare #at the same time as learning theatre skills #we've done Shakespeare the last couple of years and now I've had a good conversation with her about the benefits of doing a play #that's still rich in substance but has more familiar language - even as a single gap year from Shakespeare. And she's on board #And it looks like we will probably do Dicken's 'Nicholas Nickleby' - a story that's extremely dear to my heart and significant to me #I am so happy! #coreander's old books #teacher life

[newtness532]

ugh i need to send the message 😩

#should have done that earlier but i was too busy sleeping and then finishing p&p #and now its already 7pm so i need to send it before its too late #i hate sending messages #why cant i just send her an email like normal teachers #this is too awkward #sending her a text on viber like we're buddies #jo says stuff #university update

[slippery-minghus]

okay!! i'm doing it!!!! first baby step towards a legal name change has been taken!!!!

#was born on the literal other side of the continent and i need to figure out how to change my birth certificate #i emailed a pride org in that state to see what they can do #i remember when i was actively in my transition there were case manager type folks who could help with that #but that was also in a state i no longer live #it doesn't seem too hard where i live now but i want to go back as far as my birth cert #my legal deadname has always been an anchor to me. long before i knew i was trans #i've always hated that name and hated having it be branded onto me #i've never been (legal name). never. not even by my parents when i was in trouble #only teachers who didn't know me yet and doctors.... so people bound to be disrespectful tbh #so i have literally zero positive associations with that name. and plenty of negative ones #it will feel so good to get rid of it #i resent my parents for many things but branding me with a name they never even fucking intended to call me is pretty high up there #narrating my life

[zeezu-ix]

textual analysis i hate you... ohhhh how i hate you

#if i could draw pictures as my analysis i so would. i can do a mean (and sexy) spider diagram #like i cannot write paragraphs unless its like. me talking #I NEED TO ASK MY TEACHER FOR HELP SO BAD BUT MY ANXIETY IS ALSO. EQUALLY SO BAD. #ive redrafted an email to send him like 3 times and i cant even write that i dont even know what I'd ask to be honest #AND URGH THIS IS COLLEGE THEY EXPECT ME TO KNOW HOW TO DO STUFF LIKE THIS BY NOW. #this is about my subway surfers analysis post from yesterday. i still havent written a single thing #i have..bullet points. about the music but thats it

[dreamerlynx]

i am so powerful (<— mustered the sheer willpower necessary to make myself. read an email)

#as is always the case: haha it was completely fine and there was nothing to worry about LMAO #i am so normal about emails I promise 👍👍👍 #anyway my teacher is rly nice she’s cool. Will in fact be responding tomorrow tho idk I need to think about what to say and such #I sent her the initial email last night and avoided looking all of today til now so it’s fiiine that’s not so long

[carcarrot]

alright we're okay. it's all going to work out and happen. ive got my short film idea. i just have to make it absolutely perfect and then we're good to go

#my short film idea is a kinda sorta prequel kinda. to my Big Main Film Idea #essentially its just a little bit of silly backstory to a character that gets no backstory in the feature film #and this character is making a short film. and im playing the character. so im making a short film abt someone making a short film. #when i was first writing my Main Film Idea i was like ok yeah this character that im thinking of playing is obviously based on and like me #but as time went on i was like ah fuck. theres parts of me in every damn character #the good news is that this short film idea should be relatively cheap to make. im thinking of having only one filming location #and i could get a deal filming there bc i used to work there (my old cafe) so renting out the space might be cheaper #im not sure yet abt cameras. im thinking abt emailing my old film teacher and being like. hey. would you wanna help me make my film #i think he has some film cameras himself or if not he knows a lot of film people #but since this is essentially a one man (its me im the man) show i dont really need other actors. but im working on that #another problem of potentially many is that if and when this gets done. now what #ive got zero clue abt where to like. send my short film to be shown or whatever but maybe my film teacher could help w that! #before i do any of this i am going to finally finish that filmmaking course i bought. and then see where we go from there #but this still needs a lot of writing bc i havent done any screenplay work for this yet #and thus obviously havent storyboarded anything #i gotta get Organized <- least organized person on this earth #wish me luck that this will lead me on the path to my dream movie. we can all hope

[lieutenant-sarcastic]

This....semester is not.. going well so far

#my financial aid has disappeared since monday? i had grants from the state #and now i have 4k on my tuition bill #that if not paid in the next two hours #will drop me from my program #the office is of course closed at this hour #i got off work hours after it closed #my email wasn't working from Sunday until Tuesday Night on the WEEK OF THE SEMESTER STARTING #so i didnt see a TON of crucial emails #and the emails i Sent didnt go through #which means the people i needed to contact Never Got Anything I Sent #i was Supposed to start student teaching this week and i was Baffled by the lack of response by the teacher #guess he never heard from me #im starting my new job next tuesday and ofc didnt see anything from them until now either #wednesday i was in a jet lag fog but i went hard on stuff monday to prep for this and i wiffed #im So stressed and So upset #like ive had my trip tickets since September #i wasnt gonna back out of this #but even if i had i doubt it'd had made much difference #i really might be dropped from this semester im so #fuck #up to something #if shit hits the fan im gonna call my program director and cry on her shoulder a little bit #OH and my credit card double dipped on my bill this month and overdrafted my checking account so thats fun

[aurora-watching]

...

#im going to fist fight my boss on Tuesday #she is my practicum supervisor for a licensure class i am taking #and shes been going thru some personal stuff and then the holidays #but i need her to do 1 fucking assignment #ive been trying to do it for 3 weeks now #i have all my other assignments done #i emailed my teacher and explained the situation and she's chill #but like i wanted to be good for part 2 #i had trouble with procrastinating part 1 assignments #its not even a time consuming project i need maybe a half hour of her time during work #she pulled me aside and thanked me for stepping up and filling in her role while she goes thru this #thank me by doing my assignment!!!! #but shes administration so she gets holidays and gets to enjoy 4 day weekends which is why i have to wait till tues