#I mean i'll say it anyways

[reliccipher]

Is there even a fuckin evolutionary purpose to cramps or is that just for funny haha human torment

I've been facing kidney stone level pain since I was 12 and no matter how many times professionals say that its normal you cannot convince me that this level of pain is NORMAL. I really hope they just mean "normal" as in "You don't need to go to the hospital" because there is no way that there's nothing going on here? Do doctors just think I'm exaggerating? Is this just a socialization issue and they're just trying to reassure me that I'm not dying and I'm misinterpreting it to mean "everything is fine"? Are the doctors in my area just idiots? Or is it a "we really can't do anything here, just keep taking naproxen or whatever as normal" kinda thing? Do I have endometriosis?? Is it too hard to diagnose it for certain and my doctors aren't bothering, or am I not complaining enough about it? I genuinely don't know. I just don't think this is completely normal.

I've had kidney stones before. I've had to help take care of my dad when he gets them, because getting those on top of his chronic pain makes it a struggle to even get out of bed. It is genuinely one of the worst kinds of pain to get. I have been taking ibuprofen and/or naproxen for the pains ASAP when I even see a little bit of blood or feel the start of cramping. I've been doing that for so long that I forgot how bad it was, so when my cramps started in the middle of the day when I had no access to any kind of meds some months back, the horrifying reality of what I had been going through had finally set in, taking the full force of the pain with nothing to combat it, and it was just as bad as kidney stones. Made worse since it hit me in a crowded fuckin mall with people looking at me weird but I don't want to get into that mess. I just cannot believe when someone tries to tell me THAT is normal, that everything is fine, nothing to worry about, nothing to even look into.

I'm scared to even think about how the pain could be worse than this, because I know that's possible. I'm scared of the idea that something could be seriously wrong here and it's getting ignored because I'm not being taken seriously or because I'm not complaining enough about it. I hate the idea that this is just somehow "normal". Even if I wasn't trans I'd want to get this stupid fucking organ out of my body so I don't have to suffer like that. I really wish I could just get it removed already, its just too fucking much for me, man. That's not gonna happen any time soon though since I can hardly even afford blood tests. I mean, hell, I need to get a (full body, likely) MRI and that's been shoved to the side for years now because my family just can't afford it. A whole surgery like that is nothing but a pipe dream right now.

Sorry for the long rambling bs about this shit but I need to scream into the void about this, I already had therapy this week so I can't talk about it there lol. IDK maybe someone knows what its like or can tell me "yeah that's not normal your doctors suck" or something.

#cw menstruation #cw periods #tw menstrual cycle #tw menstruation #tw periods #period cramps #menstruation #relic rambling #i'm in so much fucking pain i'm not joking #we ran out of naproxen so i'm just kinda suffering rn #god i know the terfs are going to find this post uuggghh #i'd say fuck off but I know they aren't going to listen #I mean i'll say it anyways #fuck off terfs #fuck off transphobes #leave me the fuck alone i have enough on my plate as is #i'm so lightheaded right now ugh #might delete later

[starrysharks]

remember that i'm ALIVE but minty isn't unfortunately

#zeno's art #ocs #soulstice circus #minty #also do you remember that death game train thing i was working on a few months ago GUESS WHAT I PICKED IT BACK UP!!! #might post some redesigns soon #anyway this sketch is from a few months ago #i'll try to comb through my ibis gallery to find stuff to share over the weeks because when i say INACTIVE i mean prob for several months #like expect things to go back to normal around july-august 😭 if youre from the UK you can prob guess which exams i'm studying for #and you should know that they're a BITCH #anyway zeno out. biology revision in.

[deadpoets]

HOUSE M.D. 05.23 | Under My Skin

#houseedit #housemdedit #house md #gregory house #james wilson #amber volakis #mialook #tuserkaren #*mine #*mygifs #i am still on this house episode and it has been months #i keep restarting and then pausing and then i'll go watch other shows and the cycle continues (this has happened twice so far) #so feel free to yell at me in the tags to start watching house again ! #anyways i've been wanting to gif this scene because wilson's sad expression after house says kutner truly gets to me #rsl truly knows how to act with his face y'know what i mean

[hrokkall]

HOW TO PIN YOUR INSECTS:

Position limbs into desired arrangement and pin in place

Maintain eye contact

Pin should pass through the center of the thorax

Move slowly; lest the divine light leak out along with the ichor

Wait for the embers to die.

Wait for the embers to reignite.

#Ultrakill #V1 #V1 Ultrakill #Gabriel Ultrakill #Gabv1el #Insects #Disclaimer. Not actual insect pinning advice. If that wasn't obvious from the start. #Cw: #Blood #Should I tag this animal death. Maybe? Hell if I know #Hm. I think I'll leave it at #Ask to tag #Just in general. #Don't ask me to put this in the ship tag though I'm not doing it (if I tag it ship know it was a moment of weakness... Joking.) #Anyway I don't want to talk about how long this took. Fuck's sake. This is like the third attempt at this concept #The first one I just didn't vibe with and the second you couldn't see the pins well enough (I would say it was also too horny-looking but.) #(but so is this one. As told to my by my peer reviewer. And by that I mean my friend I sent the sketch to and they said- #''I don't see how your other sketch could possibly be worse than this''. Thank you for the encouragement. I'll add more bloodlust next time #EDIT: FIXED A MISTAKE THAT WAS BOTHERING ME #EDIT 2: I caved. It's in the ship tag now.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

um alex??? just WHAT is your tongue doing??

#are they snogging or singing part 253748 #idk what's going on here but something sure as hell is 👀 #and when i say something i mean something so far from platonic it might as well be in a different universe #also it's hard to tell bc of the angle but it looks like maybe there was a little kiss or brush of lips first #and then miles pulled away a little and alex's tongue decided it was going with him #i don't even know anymore #maybe i'm insane #but they're also definitely insane #anyway sorry i'll see myself out now #milex #milex gifs #miles kane #alex turner #tlsp #the last shadow puppets #my gifs #lulu posts

[solomo-n]

symbolism of the flowers that Barbatos is preparing in his most recent UR+ animation

#Obey Me! #Barbatos #i'm not completely certain that those are morning glories so if u have a better idea lmk #he gives me this bouquet with the romance ‚ affection ‚ and innocence meanings #but i take it the wrong way and assume he's trying to tell me he wants to get married and start a family #needless to say we are both embarrassed on vday evening albeit for different reasons #anyways. ignore that i redownloaded obm again just for him. i'll get over it again in a min.

[aquickstart]

ok sure i'll talk about farleigh start. i'll talk about his tragedy of never being enough as it were and then having to deal with fucking oliver. sure. disclaimer: it's about class (and race) and the horrible reality of the rich. the horrible reality of living as farleigh.

another disclaimer: i'm white! and poc definitely pick up on everything i'm talking about here as it is, and better. i was and am specifically interested in farleigh vs. oliver but it's impossible to examine without considering race. definitely let me know if anything abt this sucks!

farleigh and oliver are similar. it's annoying because every intruder that is not himself is annoying, partly because felix's attention swaying from farleigh is dangerous; there is always a threat of being discarded, even if no precedent existed. the potential is terrifying.

but you'd think he's seen this before, every summer (if venetia is telling the truth) or at least often enough to learn to recognize it fast, so he should know this will pass. part of it is i think still the deep anxiety, and i think he hated every boy that was there before, and it is sort of routine.

but definitely a huge factor in farleigh's annoyance is the fact that he's a biracial (black for cattons, that's all they see) man in a white rich household. he's alert and exhausted all the time. of course he's angry at oliver, regardless of whether he's the first to crash at saltburn for the summer or the fifty-first.

but the important thing is this.

farleigh is very jealous of and angry and pissed at oliver because farleigh sees all the similarities between them. outsider, in financial trouble, whatever it is, in need of cattons; and yet oliver is preferred. and farleigh seems to be the only one to really consider it. felix does not pick up on the hint when farleigh brings up the birthday party vs. his mother. felix's clumsy "different or... anything like that" is as much about race as it is about class, of course. the "we've done all that we can" bit is felix absolving himself of guilt because surely they had, surely the mysterious collective cattons that he's not really part of had tried all they could do. to him, farleigh is different from oliver, because farleigh has been helped. felix is rich and white and twofold uncomfortable with farleigh, even if he's nice about it, even if he genuinely enjoys his company; he doesn't look too close at farleigh because he feels too guilty to come too close. and farleigh can't do anything about it. he can't nice himself into it. the fucking tragedy of him is that he's never enough in the world of the ultra-rich white, even if (especially because!) he's born into it.

farleigh is very pissed at oliver because farleigh also sees all the differences between them. you know who can be nice poor white enough to fit in? fucking oliver. felix says "just be yourself, they'll love you" when oliver first moves in. farleigh was also probably told the same thing, and felix also probably believed that farleigh could just be himself, but even if the cattons were magically not racist at all (impossible), it wouldn't make a difference to farleigh. he would still self-censor, keep in check, be in dangerous waters (because racism is not just about the individual, but about the system). we see that he'd won himself leeway by years of trial and error by the way he speaks to the family, but it's still within the boundaries of acceptable, built by the cattons. he's part of them because they allow it, and farleigh is very, very aware.

the annoying thing is oliver can be himself. like, truly, genuinely, he can just be. and farleigh can't help but envy that.

as a side note, oliver is obviously jealous of farleigh in the beginning as well, because regardless of the reality of farleigh's situation, he was born into it, and hence, at least in oliver's mind, has his position solidified. oliver's whole thing is unquenchable thirst and hunger for whatever and everything the cattons have (including themselves!). he wishes to have been a catton from birth. to oliver, at first, there's nothing farleigh can really do to lose it. and until he figures out the cattons completely, he can't help but envy that.

but i think farleigh senses something different about oliver early on. at least on the level of the text, we have "you're almost passing [for] a real, human boy", which is so important because farleigh is the first to point out oliver's weirdness. the next to do so is venetia in the bath scene calling him a freak, but it's too late. farleigh is too early.

and i like to think he clocks oliver too early because he sees the jagged edges that he recognizes in himself. i think that one other thing that farleigh envies is oliver's freedom to let go. freedom to let go is very similar to freedom to be, but not quite the same.

to be is about perception: farleigh knows he cannot fall out of line, but would like to, and oliver does not have to worry about it at all (i mean, he does, because oliver also performs for felix, but farleigh doesn't know that).

to let go is about the self: farleigh is too scared to even want what oliver eventually does, to even consider the possibility. oliver can let himself want. oliver can let himself act. oliver just can do things and want things. i'm not sure farleigh can.

and so in this scene, when oliver's wants and actions have landed him nowhere with farleigh, felix, venetia, the cattons, of course farleigh gloats. he can let himself do that, because if the cattons are slowly discarding him, farleigh can allow himself this one small victory. he's relieved because despite the dangerous similarities, oliver is, thankfully, not really the same as farleigh, right?

but like. this movie is a love letter to all things gothic. oliver is a white man. he prevails. the brief performance that oliver put on did eventually end up more effective than farleigh's lifetime of constraint. my heart fucking breaks for him to be honest.

the issue that remains is the fact of farleigh's survival. i like to think that oliver came to respect him. oliver is smart, but farleigh is clever. he picks up on everything oliver does (to refer back to the karaoke scene, farleigh immediately retaliates in the cleverest way, in the moment), and he's the only one to do so consistently (venetia, again, for example, comes close, but too late; oliver doesn't like that, there's nothing to work with). hence, stay with me for a little longer, the paradox: farleigh survives because he was never enough for the cattons, but he is very worthy of oliver's attention. in his own freaky way, oliver wants him. look at that.

so. farleigh. farleigh might come back. he always comes back. and i think oliver wants to try harder next time.

#saltburn #farleigh start #i think someone mentioned how the race commentary was fleeting in that scene abt his mom but i disagree #it runs thru the whole movie #because oliver is white and because they're pitted against each other #im not saying its the best commentary ever and also like the movie is not about it at all #but it's there and it's pretty prominent #also on a completely different note can we talk about how oliver correctly assumed everyone at saltburn desires him carnally #dude pulled all the bitches by being strange and off-putting. i mean i completely get it. completely get it. i'd fold so fast you've no ide #also while i was writing i realized that yes indeed both farleigh and oliver perform for felix and its so fascinating #and it works for oliver because of course it does because hes white #anyway! again! let me know if this sucks #in like any way at all #i needed a masterpost of all and every thought i have about farleigh #i think this pretty much covers it so i'll let it go now #HES SO. like do you UNDERSTAND #the DEFINITION of doomed by the narrative but i LOVE that he survives #as he SHOULD #emerald is so right. he does come back and quickstart just torture each other in that house forever. besties for life #god im gonna shut up now this is so horrendously long #mine #saltburn journaling

[evilkitten3]

genuinely my belief that ino was never really interested in sasuke and actually liked sakura the whole time is so deeply embedded in me that every time i read a fic where ino is just as sasuke-crazy as sakura, i have to remind myself that. technically that is the case

#naruto #naruto shippuden #i say technically bc. i mean their entire fight/flashback during the chuunin exams arc seemed to be building up to ino liking sakura #but then pretty much all of the girls' stories got dropped so. no resolution there #anyway the manga flashback seemed to go out of its way to avoid ino showing any interest in sasuke at all #iirc she even implied that she thought he was stuck-up and didn't like him much #anyway #i'm love them #haruno sakura #yamanaka ino #sakuino #inosaku #ino was in love with sakura and i'll die on that hill #lesbian ino ftw

[khaopybara]

Don't judge a book by its cover. An essay by Mew Pt. 2

Mew in his revenge era went shopping and thought, "you know what screams I'm gonna fuck you up, maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't? Floral/patterned shirts," and proceeded to buy a bunch of those.

BOOK KASIDET as MEW WITSARUT ( ONLY FRIENDS EPS. 7-12 )

Correction: I missed one outfit in ep. 6 and instead of remaking that set, I'll just post it below because it's actually the hottest Mew has looked, so I'm not even upset.

#only friends the series #ofts #only friends #mew witsarut #book kasidet #thai drama #thai bl #gmmtv series #gmmtv bl #th: only friends #:: fashionbaby #:: mygifs! #:: onlyfriendsoutfits #man ep 8 is truly traumatizing when you rewatch raymew's scenes #and i mean this with love but ep 8 was something else #anyway i think it's obvious that mew's style is the one that changed the most throughout the show (at least until now let's see nick) #from cute colorful stripes to very busy and right in your face shirts that we usually associate with ray but i'll say after doing this mew' #new style doesn't feel like ray. it feels like he's trying to mimic him and it's not quite there bc it still is mew. idk how to phrase it #but it's much more like if I change my style and wear the busiest shirts #maybe people won't read me as plain and won't cheat on me for being considered boring #something something #mew trying to mimic ray and ray channeling sand in ep 9 will forever be my favorite piece of storytelling #btw this gifset looking way less chaotic than the others and more linear? totally by accident

[kyouka-supremacy]

I think we should just bring back Wungo Wednesday and start a fandom collective anime rewatch

#Because otherwise I can feel I won't last much longer #Because like. The last two hyperfixations of mine ended the moment I started feeling like there wasn't any new content #And two days ago in one day I started a new manga a new book and rewatching a favourite show #Whereas I hadn't started anything new in the two years ever since I got into bsd. Which makes it NOT a good sign #But the bsd anime has now ended for one month and 25 days and that's the last time the plot actually moved forward. #And if I counted right. The manga took 4 chapters (that is chapters 110-111) to adapt 6 minutes #That means it's going to take another 12 months (18 minutes left to adapt. that's 12 more chapters) to catch up with the anime #Yeah I'm not. sticking around this long with nothing new to see I'm sorry #Best case scenario I take a one year hiatus but that doesn't make it sound likely that I'll be back #And I know it's fresh news as early as this morning that author said they were introducing a new character but like. #They also said they finished writing this arc like. One year and half ago if I remember correctly? #And we still have yet to see the end of i t so... #That is to say. I'll probably be starting an anime rewatch starting next Wednesday. I've been meaning to do it for a while anyway #I don't want to leave the fandom I like the one chapter a month format #On the positive news I still have a queue of original posts that spans over ten months #And I was meaning to start the reblogs queue too in these days. So there's that #random rambles

[sleepyconfusedpotato]

My lecturer just canceled the class for Thursday and Friday it's like the universe is telling me to play Modern Warfare III. It's the will of the world that I cry myself till my eyes are dry IT'S MAGIC

#IF the campaign is good tho :) #if the campaign isn't good and I don't cry that means it's for naught #I'm gonna play the campaign with the lowest expectation possible that it'll disappoint me #so that when it's actually bad I won't be as devastated #you can't blame me for thinking this way because they didn't even drop any single story trailer #it's like they don't care at all about the campaign #some say it's because they want to keep as much of the story a secret but isn't that what trailers does? #hyping me up without telling me the story? #anyway yea I'll play it with the utmost lowest expectation possible #call of duty #call of duty modern warfare #cod mw #cod #call of duty modern warfare 3 #call of duty modern warfare III #call of duty modern warfare 2023

[deepfriedpaddymayne]

I call this gifset the "Augustin looking like he's honestly enjoying himself a little too much during That Scene in episode 5" collection

+bonus, Augustin's disgustingly charmed little smile at the end of the episode

#sas rogue heroes #sas: rogue heroes #paddy mayne #augustin jordan #paddy x augustin #you guys understand now what I mean when I say that augustin is insane. #he saw paddy at his absolute worst and was just like. immediately so taken with him #augustin is the og 'i want to study my fave under a microscope' guy #anyway get you a man who looks at you like THAT immediately after you've held a knife to his throat #oscar rambles #sidenote these gifs look SO GOOD on my laptop and i just know that once they go on tumblr i'll hate them. i am cursed and unlucky

[cnl0400]

"How are they going to make Thirteen/Mephistopheles/Raphael dateable If they aren't interesing in the MC"?

>A take made by someone who hasn't played S4 or any of the Memory cards/events that feature these three, or have gotten the Birthday calls...

It's even funnier with Raphael, because he's probably the one who states the most that he wants to get closer to MC, where do the "no interest" thing even comes from??

Even If you read all this cues as platonic, It doesn't mean that they can't become romantic later. That's what development Is for?????

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me raphael #obey me mephistopheles #obey me thirteen #My biggest take is that some of you are so confident about certain characters but don't even play the game at all #so your perspective of them is through what you have learned about them through memes #and I mean. if you aren't interesed in dating the trio is okay. #but it's like me being agaisnt Solomon being dateable because he wasn't interesed in MC in S1 #post0400 #anyways. I'll always come to the trio defense. the only characters that matter to me <3 #Mephistopheles first Birthday call is him being ashamed that he didn't get you anything for birthday... #and people say that he only cares about Diavolo?! 😵‍💫😵‍💫 #like even if you think it's true. S2 ends with him getting another friend other than Dia (13) #The devs recognize that Mephisto mindset it's unhealty and he needs to overcome that. or at least get him another friends... #not mentioning Thirteen bcuz she's very obvious. Like probably the chara I always talk about

[tsunamiholmes]

My favorite part about the Oregon Parks Dept. Twitter coming back, besides the eluding to new Gravity Falls content of course, is being the ONLY PERSON to receive a reply from the account.

Is it because I found the Cipher statue originally, Alex? Or am I just lucky? Alex now people are speculating that I have something to do with it, why would you do this to me. Sir.

#gravity falls #gf #Cipher Hunt #Oregon Parks Dept. #idk what else to tag this because I LITERALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON #anyway Alex I mean if you want help all you had to do was ask me #just say the word lad #I'll be there

[tev-the-random]

Rooting for Jimmy is like watching someone trying to shoot a target, missing all of his shots, coming back with another gun, missing again, then coming back with a new gun and hitting every inch of wall around the target, three birds and his own foot, but not the target itself.

#(I say that with no heat whatsoever btw) #Empires SMP #Empires season 2 #Solidarity Gaming #got some raw lines from that though #I can admire that Jimmy tried so hard to sound Actually Mean despite that being a little out of his comfort zone #Who knows maybe I'll post another little snippet of RLB AU because of this #anyways come on let's get you a shirt Jimmy. it's fine #TEV Talk

[classicslesbianopinions]

the thing about being a disabled grad student is that if you want even half a chance you constantly have to not only reveal but interrogate and explain your softest most vulnerable parts. while people around you act like this is just completely normal and actually that is not the softest most vulnerable part of you and actually you are exactly the same as all of them. so you feel like you are in disguise as exactlythesame while also completely exposed. and you just have to live like that. absolutely insane

#mod felix #general disclaimer that this is my experience and this is how i feel and not necessarily how everyone feels obviously #but . i feel this way . currently #well and i think part of it is that like... people act like the institution isn't actively hostile to like. any marginalized person really #i mean this post is about disability but i'm sure it applies to other people too #and if you read this and say 'this is also how it feels to be x' i see and support you #anyway. posting this here because like... i feel like as a blog with a relatively large (for tumblr) audience like. #i feel the need to be honest and transparent about my experiences in academia #because i know there are people following us who like. want to be in academia or who already are #and like . i really like the program i'm in and i'm learning a lot but it's also a very hard thing to do even if you're totally abled #which like. i'll be honest i think the sort of person who says 'i want to learn ancient greek for the rest of my life' #is unlikely to be totally abled #like i'm not the only disabled person in my program either. and most people i interact with like. #have a base level of understanding about disability #but it's still like... surreal to operate in like. an institution that puts pressure on everyone to act like disability doesn't exist #i feel like there's just like. constant dissonance