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#I know his arse is flat and pasty white
ellrond · 2 years
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LMFAO I KNOW EREINION IS NOT ACTING LIKE HE OUTRANKS HER. HES CRUISING FOR A BRUISING 🤛 🤛
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divagonzo · 4 years
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Passing Grade
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Ao3 // FF.net
A/N: In honor of Ron Weasley’s 40th Birthday (I hope Hermione has worn you out completely!) here’s a little something hashed out for his birthday. Rated 15/PG-13/T+ for plenty of innuendo and double entendres and citrus basket stuff that isn’t explicitly stated. Caveat Emptor for my lovely Aces who follow me. Circa 1 March 1999. (And I’ll eventually post on Ao3 and FF.net and relink them in.)
give me my demarcation line damn it
I’m gonna ask her,” Ron whispered from his side of the enormous tree root that he was hiding behind.
“Ron, not now,” Harry hissed.
“Why not now? Not like we’re going anywhere the next ten minutes I reckon.”
“You git, I mean not now as in we’re still in training and Hermione’s off at Hogwarts for another 2 terms. Besides, have you asked her about it?”
“We’ve talked,” Ron peeked over the edge of the tree stump and dropped back down, dodging a red spell that flew over his head. “And she knows I want to ask her.”
“And you’re still in training. We both are. Not like I don’t want to ask – “
“Yeah, I know who you want to ask and I don’t want to think about your pasty arse again after what I saw at Christmas,” Ron cheeked.
“Fair point,” Harry looked up over the edge of the stump and ducked back down, dodging a purple spell flying over his head. “These arseholes are annoying the fuck out of me,” He growled.
“You’re the one with the cloak. Why haven’t you used it yet to get closer?”
“And get blown to shreds? No thank you. Your sister would have my – “
“And Hermione’d have mine,” Ron sighed. “Not like they aren’t hers already.”
“You’re really arse over tits for her, aren’t you?”
“Course I am. I’ve been that way for yonks. You know that.”
“Yeah, I do. But we’re both still – “
“Only on a calendar, mate. Everything we’ve been through? My back says that I’m already 50 some mornings.”
“Well, the way you wear it out every morning I’m not surprised,” Harry muttered under his breath. “But neither of us is going to go anywhere if we’re still pinned down here while those bastards are blasting away at us.”
“I’m only here because you’ve not tossed your cloak over your head and taken a header at them. When you do, I’ll draw their fire and you can stun 'em.”
“No can do. Last time I told Hermione you got hurt on a mission she nearly took my head off. I don’t want a repeat of that happening ever again.”
“And you think it’s not as bad as telling my sister you got hurt again? I thought she was going to shove her wand up – “
“She told me,” Harry felt the chagrin rush over his face.
“And blast me to Warwickshire. I don’t think my ears will ever be the same.”
“I thought that was ‘cause of Hermione,” Harry smirked and Ron gave him a rude gesture in reply.
“It’s not like you hear anything now, not after we went over every single square inch of our room and put Auror grade spells on it. We could have the Weird Sisters performing in our room and no one would be the wiser for it.”
“Good thing too since that keeps the nightmares down,” Harry gave Ron a side-eye and saw his best mate giving him a rather shirty look. “Look, it’s not like you’re not shagging my sister either, ya git.”
“Well, I am, and we’re glad you’re so accepting,” Harry dodged the handful of leaves Ron threw at him.
“Prat,” Ron growled.
“Ponce,” Harry retorted. “On three, we’re going. I’m sick of freezing my bollocks off here in Lake Country in February.”
“You think I’m enjoying it?” Harry threw the cloak over his head and froze. “Better idea. You hide under it and I’ll draw your fire.”
“Rubbish. It’s too short for me. They’ll see me from my knees on down.”
“You’re a wizard. Get invisible.”
“And you?”
“Cloak and wand time,” Harry watched Ron do the incantation silently, hiding under a cloak of magic.
“On three,” Ron whispered.
“On Three. One.”
“Two.”
“Three.”
The rolled out from their hiding place behind the old oaken stump and ran pell-mell towards the farmhouse. They passed six people, lying prone on the ground, immobile.
A gold spell circled the area, highlighting both of them racing towards the house.
Red spells erupted from six places, missing them as they dashed inside.
“Hold your wands,” Robards's voice boomed over the meadow and the cottage.
One by one Aurors were disillusioning themselves and standing up. One by one they went to a trainee who was frozen on the cottage grounds and revered the stunner spell. Groans and groggy heads prevailed, not seeing Harry and Ron standing inside the cottage looking confused.
“Training?” They looked at one another.
“Yes, training. You thought this was a real mission?” A voice they didn’t expect whispered behind them. Both turned to see the dark features of Senior Auror Hemera Jones standing right behind them. They hadn’t heard her move in their vicinity. She had to be part cat with how quiet she was when she was on duty.
“Where the bloody fuck were you hiding? We could have used your help,” Ron said.
“I was hiding right at the front door. My task was to pick off those who made too many mistakes. The two of you didn’t so you were allowed to pass so you get full marks for this mission. Those gits,” She motioned to that half dozen additional trainees sitting in a semi-circle getting berated by Gawain Robards. “Those gits are probably not going to pass and will go into MLS. Each of them made a fundamental mistake and got themselves taken out.”
“So what now?” Harry asked.
“Now you two get to return to London and debrief. I’ll be joining you shortly with the rest. Oh and since you ponces made full marks,” Ron’s eyes went wide, “you get a 72-hour furlough from training.”
“72 hours. Wow.”
“Use them wisely, gentlemen. Come Monday night at 8 pm I expect to see both of you ready to work.”
“Sorted,” they said in unison.
“Oh and try not to upset Professor McGonagall when the two of you go to Hogwarts.”
“How do – “
“I’m not a fool, Weasley. Everyone in the department knows what is up with you and Granger. Same for you, Potter.” She gave both of them a half-smile. “Go rent a room in Hogsmeade, both of you. Ask Professor McGonagall for them to have a weekend. But I better not hear of you having news in three months from it. Understood?”
“Sorted,” the said in unison before apparating away.
“Sodding gits,” she muttered before heading out to the rest of the apprentices who were about to fail to get into the Aurors.
“Hermione?”
She opened her eyes and saw Ron smiling down on her. “Were you watching me sleep?”
“Yeah.  I couldn’t help it. You were snoring – “
“I don’t snore,” she said primly.
“Ok then breathing loudly while asleep. Anyway, you were breathing loudly,” she reached to pinch the closest nip and he ducked away, just out of her reach “and I kept thinking how incredibly lucky I am.”
“Oh, I dunno. I think I’m on the better end of this bargain.”
“Well, I am surprised you still have a voice after – “
“I do hope that no one heard us,” She interrupted.
“Nah, not here.” Ron glanced around at the one-room flat above the closed Zonko’s shop. Hermione found out from him earlier that George had purchased the building and would have it as a pop-up shop for the Hogsmeade weekends. “I made sure of it before you came around earlier.”
“Good,” She tucked her head up under his, relishing this contact that she’d desperately missed in the last few months. “I’m so glad you’re here. I missed you so much,” she whispered into his skin.
“And I bloody well missed you,” he lifted her chin to drop a languid kiss upon her lips. “And it’s just blind luck that we got this. I thought it was a real mission and instead it was training yet again.”
“And you seem to be doing quite well during it, the way you talk about it. I think you might have found your calling.”
“Nah, not really.”
“Well, I think so.”
“I don’t since I think my calling is loving you and the rest are just details.”
“I’m glad we got things sorted for good,” She said to herself. “I dunno what I’d have done not having you by my side now.”
Ron grinned. “Oh I dunno, probably leading a quiet life and still changing the world one moment at a time.”
“Nah. I’d have my head buried in a book somewhere, miserable, and waiting to find something to make me content.”
Ron reached under his pillow to pull a small box out. “Well since that it’s the case, and I already know,”
“Are you?”
“Consider it an ‘I’m going to ask you to marry me someday and it’s not today but it will happen’ ring.” He opened the box and showed the small sapphire ring inlaid on white gold. “I know it’s not much but – “
Hermione leaned in closer, brushing her nose against his. “It’s brilliant,” She looked at it closer, seeing that it was inscribed with runes on the inside. She grinned understanding what they said.  “Who did the engraving?”
“I did, actually,” he turned bright red. “I made sure it was correct by asking Fleur and she told me. Once I had it written down I used magic to engrave it. Anyone can engrave in gold but if it’s silver I’d get in trouble with the goblins since that’s their domain.”
“I can feel the magic wrapped around it,” She leaned up further so Ron could put it on her right hand. “And it fits perfectly,” she said in awe.
“I nicked one of your other dainty ones you keep but don’t wear and had it sized to fit it.”
She lifted her hand and looked at it in the candlelight. “I love it.”
“You do? I didn’t pick a rubbish gift this time?”
“No, you picked a brilliant gift. You get an O for this gift.” He leaned in for a kiss and they forgot about everything else except the two of them celebrating a future growing older together.
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