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blackjack-15 · 3 years

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Leavin’ on a Jet Pack — Thoughts on: The Haunting of Castle Malloy (HAU)

Previous Metas: SCK/SCK2, STFD, MHM, TRT, FIN, SSH, DOG, CAR, DDI, SHA, CUR, CLK, TRN, DAN, CRE, ICE, CRY, VEN

Hello and welcome to a Nancy Drew meta series! 30 metas, 30 Nancy Drew Games that I’m comfortable with doing meta about. Hot takes, cold takes, and just Takes will abound, but one thing’s for sure: they’ll all be longer than I mean them to be.

Each meta will have different distinct sections: an Introduction, an exploration of the Title, an explanation of the Mystery, a run-through of the Suspects. Then, I’ll tackle some of my favorite and least favorite things about the game, and finish it off with ideas on how to improve it. Like with all of the Odd Games, there will be a section between The Intro and The Title called The Weird Stuff, where I go into what makes this game stand out as a little strange.

If any game requires an extra section or two, they’ll be listed in the paragraph above, along with links to previous metas.

These metas are not spoiler free, though I’ll list any games/media that they might spoil here: HAU, mention of DAN.

The Intro:

Yup, this is the jetpack banshee game.

Honestly, that’s probably the best introduction to this game. It’s semi-famous among the fandom for just being balls-to-the-wall nuts, and for good reason; while HAU isn’t quite as confused as some of the other Odd games, it’s definitely less organized, and there’s very little story to tell here.

And the story that is there? Well, we’ll cover that in The Weird Stuff.

The Haunting of Castle Malloy falls near the end of the Odd Games, and honestly it more than deserves its place. Sure, we’re in a different, ‘exotic’ location like…well, most of the Odd Games, but it’s not like it really matters, as Nancy sees very little of Ireland. A car drive, a brief interlude outside of a pub, and the weirdest outside interface ever seen in a Nancy Drew game (even being reused in the next game briefly), and for all of that we might as well be in the Florida swamps.

Let’s not even mention the teetotaler pub. The less said about that, the less silly that this game comes off. Everyone in Ireland drinks a tall, frothy cup of Juice when they want to relax.

Sigh. Honestly, HER. Just skip the pub entirely.

HAU is also a game that tries to contextualize itself in Nancy’s past, but doesn’t do a very good job about it. It’s not inside reference-y like Secret of the Old Clock, but it’s also not grounded in character like…well, all of the Nancy games (ASH through SPY). It just springs in the ‘hey remember this character you’ve never heard about nor had referenced because we made her up whole cloth for this game’ little mechanic and tries to whisk the player away with it.

Consider me unwhisked.

And maybe that’s the biggest problem – or rather, the biggest signifier – of The Haunting of Castle Malloy: it relies on whirling the player away in the Sights and Sounds and Juices of Ye Olde Greene Eire, but instead…well, it doesn’t have the power to whirl the player. It doesn’t even have the body to muss the player’s hair when the wind comes around.

HAU is very little like its source material; in fact, really the only thing that the book and game have in common is that they’re both set in Ireland, and that the mystery involves Nancy’s friends. Sure, in the book it’s Bess and George, rather than an obscure, hitherto-unknown exchange student, but since there’s nothing else, we’ll give them points for it.

The majority of this meta (and the majority of this game) falls under the weird stuff designation, so let’s pop on over and talk about what makes HAU truly odd.

The Weird Stuff:

The entire premise of this game isn’t too far off the mark of normal – Nancy’s summoned to help a family friend, which is the case for quite a few Nancy Drew games (more than the opposite, I believe, at this point in the series) — but it does stand out a bit that she’s going to be in a wedding as a maid of honor.

While I could see it for Bess/George, Hannah (which would be fun) or Ned (which is my personal headcanon), it’s a bit odd that this is a character we’ve never heard of who considers Nancy her closest female acquaintance. You’re telling me Kyler got through elementary, middle, high, and University without making a single friend other than the weird little kid she knew while studying in River Heights?

That’s weird enough to get a section by itself, but it’s not even scraping the surface of this game.

Going deeper, our predominant theme/conflict/effery in this game is a convoluted love triangle between the bride, groom, and their best friend (who for some reason isn’t involved with like anything with the wedding, regardless of the fact that he should be doing at least as much as Nancy is doing, and possibly more since he’s an actual friend of the couple), with Kit still being in love with Kyler (for some unimaginable reason) yet friends with Matt. Kit, notably, doesn’t really do anything about it, but just having that plotline being our main thread is a super weird choice, honestly.

This is also a story about marriage troubles; sure, they haven’t officially tied the knot yet, but the fact that Kyler thinks that her fiancé disappearing the night before their wedding is a “classic Matt prank” and not either something deeply worrying or a sign that he’s too immature for a commitment is a Huge Yikes.

Best case scenario and he’s playing a prank…does he think people won’t take this as a bad sign, that early-arriving guests won’t freak out, that this won’t cause any problems?

And worst case, he’s been kidnapped (the truth of course being even dumber than that), and the first 48 hours after a kidnapping are the most crucial, meaning that Kyler’s inaction could result in a death that didn’t have to happen on her watch.

What I think HER really didn’t think about was the implications of this setup. Either way, it doesn’t just look bad for Matt and/or Kyler (to say nothing of Kit), it looks bad for their future.

We have no faith that these two are actually interested in each other, let alone in love and committed to this relationship. Nancy, famously deaf to emotions like this, doesn’t really make any comments about how this bodes ill, but the player is bound to think that something’s not quite right if these two people are so mismatched.

In a slightly less uncommon theme for the Nancy Drew series, this is also a game about unrequited love. Let’s face it, for the majority of the game the only suspect really is Kit, since Donal isn’t big enough to kidnap Matt, and it’s a Nancy Drew game, so Matt definitely isn’t out there playing a very poorly timed prank on his bride to be. Kit even has suspicious documents (the land drawings) and such that add up to him wanting Matt out of the way, even without his unrequited love schtick with Kyler.

Honestly, how two people were in love with that chick is just…it boggles the mind, honestly. What is appealing at all about Kyler? Her weird hair? The fact that it looks like she’s wearing a green dress the whole game only to have it be pants? Her bland personality? Awful voice? The way she looks in the weird photographs in the game?

Sorry for the digression, but I am struggling here.

The last section within this section will talk about the thing that’s by far the oddest conceptionally in this game – the banshee/jetpack storyline. Most of the time when it’s a folk/faerie story in these games, it turns out to be not true, and that’s still the case here. To have it not be a banshee, but instead be a senile, badly mentally damaged old woman flying around on a jetpack from World War II, on the other hand…that stretches the limits of believability to where it would have been better to just have it be a banshee.

Fiona and her backstory and her jetpack are pretty much the oddest pieces, with none of them actually fitting into the larger themes of the story. Our backstory in this game — WWII Ireland and its scientific achievements — isn’t integrated at all with the present day, dethroning previous WWII-focused backstory game Danger by Design for ‘least related backstory’ award, and it’s not justified at all within the story or characters either.

The Title:

As far as titles go, “The Haunting of Castle Malloy” isn’t bad at all; it’s fairly standard, slightly pulpy Nancy Drew fare, and certainly better than the title of its book inspiration (“The Bike Tour Mystery”, so named because Nancy et al go on a bike tour in the book). It tells you the “what” (haunting) and “where” (Castle Malloy), and is fairly evocative.

I really just have a problem with it being the title of this game. Not only is the Castle not really relevant — sure, it’s where the game takes place, but it’s not important to the game outside a conversation or two — within the story, but the game doesn’t really pull off the ‘haunting’ side either. It’s established pretty early on that there are weird lights and sounds, but that’s about it.

If you want to keep the location, “The Banshee of Castle Malloy” I feel like would have been a better choice, as it tells us right away we’re dealing with Irish mythology, and shows it’s supposed to be a Haunting game (no matter how poorly it pulls that off) without any excess fuss. It’s also a little more specific, which is generally a good move to make the title more interesting — like how “The Shadow in the Fog” is better than just “The Shadow” as a title.

HAU’s title seems to be solidly in the middle of Nancy Drew titles, so there’s not much more to say about it. Let’s move on to the mystery it somewhat, but not completely, speaks of.

The Mystery:

Nancy’s been summoned overseas again, but this time it’s for pleasure, rather than business. An exchange student that Nancy and Carson housed for a few months is getting married, and wants Nancy to be her maid of honor.

And no, I have no idea why Carson wasn’t invited. Way to snub the man who fed and housed you, but invite his daughter (who was 14 at the time Kyler knew her) to hold one of the most important places in the wedding.

Anyway, by the time Nancy arrives — the night before the wedding; bad form Nancy — the groom — Matt Simmons — is missing, which Kyler suspects is a practical joke (as Matt has a reputation for pulling pranks) and Donal, the caretaker of the Castle, thinks is a sign of being kidnapped by faeries for the crime of being English and marrying an Irishwoman.

Out of the many crimes of the English, I don’t think this one ranks enough with the Fae to merit a stepping-in, but hey, what do I know about crudely-drawn stereotypes in a HER game. I’m sure they did all of the possible research, talked to experts about Irish mythology, spent about 5 minutes on the Wikipedia article for “banshee”…at least one of those.

The only other person on the Castle grounds is Kit Foley, Matt and Kyler’s friend — and Kyler’s unrequited admirer. A land developer, he’s literally the most suspicious person at the castle by being the only one actually in the castle and by holding the (honestly reasonable) opinion that Matt just got cold feet and left.

Once Nancy finds Matt’s broken glasses and Kyler mentions that he’s blind without them, however, the race is on to find Matt — who definitely couldn’t have broken a spare/fake pair of glasses as part of the prank, shush you — before the wedding the next day. What should have been a grueling search takes an hour or so, and they find out that he accidentally fell in a secret passage and got trapped there, being fed carrots and potatoes by the resident crazy woman like he was a blind, helpless rabbit.

Yeah.

As a mystery…I mean, is this even a mystery??? What honestly went on in the pitch room that day? “We’re gonna write about fidelity, unrequited love, the stress of a wedding, a friendless woman who invites an 18-year-old because she never made any friends…and a crazy old woman with ties to World War II. And a jetpack.”

I don’t even know how I would begin to rate this mystery. Bad? Because that’s honestly the word that comes to mind. I’m never a fan of “oh it was all a Hilarious accident, ho ho ho” endings to mysteries, and this one is worse than most. Nothing follows, the backstory is such a non-entity it really doesn’t bear spelling out, and the characters aren’t even a little likable. This section could delve into each problem with the mystery but, honestly, that sounds exhausting and I’m gonna go over the bigger points below anyway, so let’s get to the clowns that make up this circus.

The Suspects:

Beginning with Kyler Mallory, our bride to be who, for some reason, has her hair and tiara done the night before the wedding — I guess she’s not planning on sleeping? — is searching for her prankster groom to “teach him a lesson” and so he knows that once they’re married, “no more pranks ever”.

Sounds like she loves him dearly and wouldn’t change a thing, huh. If that wasn’t worrying enough, she’s not super fussed that he’s disappeared the night before their wedding, and considers it a “Classic Matt” sort of thing to do.

As a culprit – man that would have been a dark turn, to have her kidnap/hide away Matt to teach him a lesson about not pulling pranks. It, of course, would have made a friendly acquaintance of Nancy’s into a bad guy, and that’s a huge No-No for HER, but it would have been kinda cool all the same.

Kyler’s groom is Matt Simmons, an Englishman who is decidedly unwelcome in Ireland (at least, according to Donal) and who has a strong reputation for being a little too heavy on the pranks — so much so that when he disappears, his own fiancée just thinks it’s another prank. To be fair to her, he did disappear while pulling a very sad little prank on her, so she wasn’t entirely off base.

As a culprit…how would that even work? That would be like FIN’s Maya kidnapping herself for no purpose whatsoever. Matt isn’t really given any character beats other than “prankster” and “fed like a rabbit”, so there’s really not much to speculate on here. I do wonder what Kyler sees in him…but then again, I also wonder what he (and Kit) see in Kyler, so we have that as well.

Next up is the couple’s friend Kit Foley, who’s sporting an enormous shiner to the wedding courtesy of a wayward branch (and a bit of karma) that smacked him while he and Matt were pranking Donal. He’s in love with Kyler (why????) but seems happy enough for his friends, and is of the opinion that Matt simply got cold feet and left.

Not sure why you’d be friends with someone who’d do that, but no one in this game has any character at all, so we’ll blow past it.

A land developer, Kit is basically the only suspect and yet a terrible suspect at the same time. Sure, he’s in love with Kyler (again, why???), but he also doesn’t really gain anything from them not getting married, just like he doesn’t gain anything from them getting married. I never thought I’d see the day where a brooding best friend is so…unaffected by the marriage of his long-time crush, but that just goes to show you how little depth even Kit — who somehow has the most depth of any character — really has.

Finally, Donal Delaney is the caretaker of Castle Malloy, and a firm believer in the Fae. He’s also really the only Irishman in the cast, which isn’t a great look for HER. He thinks that the Fae have taken Matt in return for being in Ireland and sleeping in the old nursery room in the castle, and is easily frightened.

Seriously, that’s his whole character.

As a culprit…as much as Donal is grumpy, he’s not really any sort of entity as a suspect. He hangs out at the pub, drinks fruit juice, and talks about the Fae, and that’s the extent of his involvement in the plot. The most importance he gets is inadvertently being the source of Kit’s black eye, and that’s so tertiary to the plot that it might as well not be there.

The Favorite:

Even though this game is, by all accounts, a ridiculous non-entity, there are a small amount of things that I do like.

I’m actually a fan of the opening sequence; it’s like a better version of CUR’s opening, has Nancy crashing her car (always fun) while telling Ned she’s not gonna crash (even more fun), and she doesn’t show up right away at the castle. Honestly, the first about 10 minutes of the game are actually solid, and more fun than the rest of the game as a whole. So that probably qualifies as my favorite moment in the game, spliced with the revelation that Matt has been subsisting on raw carrots and potatoes, which is just…honestly unimaginably funny.

My favorite puzzle is the seating chart for the wedding. Veterans of this meta series (all 5 of you) will know that my favorite types of puzzles are word and logic puzzles, and this is a great logic puzzle. I honestly could have done an hour of that puzzle and been happy as a clam. It really stands out as, well, the only fun I had during the majority of the game, but it was honest fun.

The Un-Favorite:

And then, on the other hand…

There’s a lot about this game that isn’t great, but almost none of it do I hate; there’s just not enough effort for me to hate it.

Except the background setting.

Having already done WWII as a backstory, HER really should have thought twice about returning to it only five games later. With Brendan Malloy developing fuel for armored vehicles, only stopped by it exploding in his (and everyone’s) faces in 1944…honestly, there’s no reason that this game’s backstory should take place in World War II, other than to have a reasonable chance of Fiona still being alive. It also makes it seem like ‘oh the War really didn’t touch Ireland that much hahahaha” which isn’t a great look either.

Honestly, HER’s treatment of Ireland is pretty ‘un-favorite’ here, but since HER never really does a good job handling any country (or most states outside the Pacific Northwest), it’d be fairly pointless to begin talking about it at length now.

My least favorite moment is probably the reveal of the culprit/mystery at the end; it’ so anti-climactic, honestly, and only comes after much struggle through two very stupid puzzles. It doesn’t give any meaning to the game, no one learns any lessons, and — probably unpopular opinion here — it probably would have been better for everyone involved (including Fiona) if Fiona would have died in that explosion 60+ years ago.

My least favorite puzzle would actually be the two puzzles at the very end — the chemicals and the rocket ship. The chemical puzzle is the worst offender, but both are pointless, do nothing for the story, and really feel like they’re there because Nancy Drew games have to have a puzzle at the very end. Putting something into a game because you ‘have’ to is never good, and this is a prime example of how annoying that obligation can truly be.

The Fix:

So how would I fix The Haunting of Castle Malloy?

The first thing I’d say is that, despite the games in the Nancy Drew series often containing one, I don’t really think the HAU needs a historical backstory. If you must give something to the Castle and the explosion, set it back in World War I, which would at least be something different.

But honestly, it’d be better to just get rid of it entirely. It’s old, it’s a castle, it’s in ruins, move on. The present has enough potential for drama without mucking up the past.

The second thing I would do is to take out Fiona entirely. Sure, still have the legend of the banshee going around the area, but it’s all things that are (mostly) easily explained, like in most haunting games. Figures in the fog? That’s just grounds crew who have been working for months to prep the site for the wedding. Strange lights? Well, yeah, the castle wouldn’t be wired for electricity if it’s been abandoned, so the workers have to bring in their own lights. Screaming noises? That’s just pre-marital jitters. Or something; you get my point.

As in all haunting games, have one or two unexplained things to suggest that the banshee actually was real, mourning the “death” of the last Malloy — because Kyler’s taking Matt’s name, or some other such nonsense. The sad thing is that it doesn’t really matter; anything that adds meat to the story would be an improvement on such a nothingburger of a game.

I would also bring in Alan, the best man, as more than a phone contact. Let’s face it, only having Kit and Donal as suspects (as Matt’s gone and Kyler doesn’t even pretend to count for a second) is really stupid, and this game needs some more detail and at least an hour more of playtime that doesn’t just involve getting lost in the bog.

Bring in Alan who is confused as to why he was chosen as best man, but suspects it’s because Kyler also has feelings for Kit and thus didn’t want Matt to choose him to be the Best Man (in other words, take out the weird social climbing angle). It would take a subtle hand, but I actually wouldn’t mind Alan having a bit of a thing for Matt himself, just to re-emphasize the “love is like an Egyptian painting; everyone is looking at the back of someone’s head” sort of theme we’ve got going on in this game.

The last thing I’d do is to bring Ned in, and have him be in the car with Nancy on their way. Think of it; usually wedding guests get a plus one; it would be a good excuse for Nancy to ask Ned out rather than leaving him behind as per usual, and Ned would probably be able to relate to Kit/Alan better than Nancy can, on account of Ned having actual emotional intelligence.

I wouldn’t say to have him be player-controlled, but I think Ned hanging around the castle, trying to help out with the emotional snarl that the guys have gotten themselves into (with Nancy focusing more on Donal and Kyler) would not only be in character, but would be a great way to make room for some emotional depth — something that Nancy herself, if not the games, usually skirts around or ignores entirely.

Would these changes fix the game completely and make it a winner? No, I don’t think so. I think the game is too structurally weak to really ever rise above mid-level, and possibly not even lower mid-level. But I think, along with some sprucing up of motivations and puzzles, these changes could help make HAU better than it is — and that’s worth it, no matter if it makes it into the Top 10 Nancy Drew Games list or not.

#nancy drew #clue crew #nancy drew games #the haunting of castle malloy #HAU #nancy drew meta #my meta #long post

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henrikvanderswoon · 4 years

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MURDER AT TURQUOISE INN: A Nancy Drew Story Written by 10-year-old Yours Truly Readthrough

Alright, guys, you asked for it! It’s pouring down rain outside, I’ve grabbed some tea, I have my entire Nancy Drew game music track playlist going, and I’m ready to crack this s nutcase wide open.

Absolute ridiculousness below:

The fact that this story is titled “Murder at Turquoise Inn” is already sending me, and it has nothing to do with the fact that I spelled it terquoice on the cover page.

I also started this story out with a letter to Ned. God bless.

Dear Ned, Beth Robertson was murdered!

As if Ned (or anyone else) even knows who the fuck Beth Robertson is, Nancy.

I named the owner of the inn Tina Mulberry, and I think that was very sexy of me.

“I turned to do something, and when I came back, she was dead on the floor! I could tell because her heart wasn’t beating and she wasn’t breathing!”

I mean… that’ll do it, Tina. That’ll do it.

Oh, but she can’t prove anything now because she ran to get help and when she returned the body was fucking MISSING.

Bess throws a conniption fit every time someone says “Beth.”

“Oh, hello, Nancy,” she greeted.

“Hello,” Nancy greeted back.

That is some…some god-tier writing right there.

I really had no concept of space and time in fifth grade.

It was a huge room. Bigger than the cafeteria in Ned’s college.

Oh, was it?

A message from the author: Hey kiddos, if you’re snooping around in someone’s closet and you come across a completely conspicuous button just chilling on the wall, don’t press it.

The three girls came out of the closet.

Well, there you have it, folks. Nancy, Bess, and George are gay. Everyone’s gay. Even your cat is gay.

Tina has a niece named Lily who calls her Mrs. Mulberry. Also, Tina consistently neglects her work duties in favor of writing a screenplay at the front desk computer and I have no idea why.

The murderer is walking around leaving stupid messages with the drawing of a knife on them trying to curse everyone and I’m so confused. Where the hell was I going with this?

“I KNOW YOU SAW BETH DEAD, BUT IF YOU TELL ANYONE, A DEADLY CURSE WILL FALL UPON YOU.”

WHAT DOES THIS EVEN FUCKING MEAN?

The lines in this thing are really just peak writing:

George took off after him at a safe distance to avoid being seen. But BAD LUCK FOR HER, the man jumped into a car and drove off.

Someone sabotaged the girls’ rental car while they were away from the hotel, and this couple they literally just met are like: “I just remembered, we have an extra car that we don’t use. You could use that.” Who the fuck–?

Uh, oh. They got back to the hotel and found their own curse lying in Bess’ suitcase:

LAY OFF THE CASE, NANCY DREW. YOU MADE MRS. MULBERRY TELL YOU THE MURDER STORY. NOW THE CURSE IS UPON YOU TOO.”

This sounds like a ten-year-old wrote it… wAiT A MiNutE–

Literally nothing in this story explains what the curse would even do to them. I love myself.

The culprit: *leaves threatening messages warning people not to speak about the murder or they’ll be cursed*

Nancy:

“Oh, hello,” Jackson greeted.

“Hi,” Nancy said. “Say! Have you heard about the murder?”

I ALMOST SPAT OUT MY TEA.

Also:

“I’m going to the store to, um, get some stuff. Like food.”

“But there’s foot here.”

“I just want to BUY things, okay? You’re so NOSEY!”

Jackson stormed off, leaving Nancy astonished. That put him on her suspect list FOR SURE.

This is a literary gem.

The way the dialogue sounds in this thing…I mean you can just tell the only written media I had been consuming at that time was the 1930′s books.

“I think,” Nancy replied. “That tomorrow we should go to the place where I followed Jackson.”

Giving me Scooby-Doo vibes too.

The number of times Bess says something like, “Why, Nancy!” or “This is horrid!” really makes me want to turn this into a drinking game. Take a shot every time Bess speaks like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz.

“Oh, fiddlesticks,” Bess exclaimed.

…

No comment.

Also, Nancy’s unadulterated sass my fifth-grade self gave her is both the worst and the best thing I’ve ever seen:

“But what if the house isn’t empty?” Bess asked.

“Bess, please. Ever heard of the word: S-N-E-A-K?”

I want to harpoon myself.

There’s an elaborate maze of tunnels running underground that connects the hotel to this sketchy house miles away. The characters consistently find themselves back there several times throughout the story and literally nothing about it makes any sense at all, nor is it ever explained.

“Man, that passageway confuses me,” said George.

Thank you, George, it confuses all of us.

I’m actually embarrassed about how many times I refer to the group of characters as a “threesome” or a “foursome” in this thing. It’s really just the worst.

The culprit purposefully leaves behind their real initials multiple times in this story and has the audacity to be surprised when they get caught at the end? Iconique™.

“I’m just a weird ol’ guy, Sweety-Cakes.”

Ned, are you okay? Was I okay when I wrote this?

Ned’s coming to visit, and he brings Burt and Dave with him and boy howdy did I forget about those two.

“This mystery sounds dangerous,” Burt remarked. “Shouldn’t you leave this case to the men?”

“I’d like to see you try,” Nancy fired back.

Yaaaassss, Queen. Get his ass.

Also the murderer has now resorted to hitting people with a driverless vehicle and I’m honestly convinced ten-year-old me was on drugs.

“Good! We were starting to get worried about you.”

“Oh, don’t worry about me. I…wait…wait, actually, worry about me!”

The line goes dead here because Lily’s car was uhhhh T-boned.

My only regret in this story is that the Hardy Boy’s are not here. Although, in hindsight, they’re probably lucky they didn’t get subjected to this shitshow.

Meanwhile, George thought maybe Bess had made a mistake and walk’s into the men’s bathroom. She walked in but found no one–well, except a bunch of screaming men.

I don’t even know what to say.

They went to see Lily in the hospital and Bess got hit by a driverless car in the fucking parking lot. WHAT KIND OF MADWOMAN WOULD WRITE THIS I CAN’T BREATHE.

That night, back at the hotel, Nancy gets lured out of the hotel and into the back forest behind it because someone’ s playing weird music and I’m just now realizing my child self had no idea what kind of theme to run with here (murder, hauntings, curses, GTA) so I just went with all of them at once.

“I could just destroy it,” Ned said as he studied the lock. “Stand back.” Backing up a few yards, he bolted for the cabin door and broke it down with a strong kick. “For Nancy!” he shouted.

HeR Interactive’s Ned could never.

So they find Nancy tied up in a cabin in the woods and, lo and behold there’s a trap door that LeADs InTo tHE UnDeRGroUnD TuNnEls. Who’da thunk?

And of course they find a journal written in code, and the code key just happens to have been left in the cabin.

“I’ve written this journal in code so if anyone finds it, they will not discover my secret. Okay, now that I’ve said that, here is my secret.”

This is the first line Nancy decodes. I’m…

Naturally, we find out that Beth Robertson was not dead, but just kidnapped (don’t even ask me how the fuck they got her body to appear dead…drugs?) and being held in the underground tunnels.

Because this makes perfect sense.

“You seem different. Your voice doesn’t sound the same and you’re a little shorter than you usually…” Tiffany trailed off. “You are Jackson, aren’t you?”

“No,” Ned said. “Thanks for asking.”

This is 100 times funnier without context so I’m not giving you any.

I don’t know about you guys, but if I was arranging a meeting with a colleague and they showed up in a ski mask and a hooded cloak, I’d be a little suspicious.

“But you’ re supposed to be delivering Nancy Drew poisonous flowers from her ‘boyfriend.’”

Oh my god this bitch pulls a gun on Ned and together the rest of the group (you know, the ones who haven’t been hit by a car) fucking go APESHIT on this woman’s ass. I CAN’T BREATHE.

And of course they find Beth tied up somewhere in the tunnels and get her to safety, and they learn that Bess and Lily are recovering well in the hospital and go to visit them and everything’s all bright and happy.

THE LAST LINE OF THE STORY HAS ME SCREAMING, THOUGH. To the point where I’m just gonna sign off here and leave you all with it.

“Man.” Lily looked sad. “I wish I hadn’t missed almost the whole thing.”

Bess spoke up. “I, on the other hand, am glad.”

#I just spend over two hours doing this and i have never felt more accomplished (how tf am i supposed to tag this??)#nancy drew #nd humor #the clue crew #i'm not even putting this in a 'my writing' tag fbsfnadnsdk #have fun guys #txt post #long post #like theres so much more i could have written but this is ridiculous enough haha

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nancydrewsilentspy · 7 years

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Midnight in Salem Chapter 1: Deirdre asks for help

The Drew house was quiet. Nancy and her two friends, Bess and George, were scattered asleep in front of the TV. They had decided to have a study party in order to get ready for finals. It was about 9:30 when the doorbell rang.

Hannah Gruen, the Drew's housekeeper, carefully made her way over the mess of textbooks, notes, and leftover junk food to answer the door. Bess mumbled in her sleep, "No... I don't remember how to conjugate jugar," and then rolled over onto a chemistry book.

Hannah smiled and shook her head as she opened the door. Three young men were outside, holding a box of donuts. "Come on in, boys. The girls are still asleep."

"Thanks, Hannah," said Ned. "We'll wake them up for you."

Ned, Dave, and Burt were students at Emerson College. They knew their girlfriends had been studying and thought it would be fun to surprise them.

Dave wandered over to Bess. Burt whispered to Ned, "5 bucks says she decks him for waking her up."

"No way. I don't make bets I know I have no chance of winning." Ned smirked. He knew Bess well enough to know that she didn't like to be woken up.

Ned spotted Nancy buried in a pile of blankets on the couch. He snuck up to where she was, prepared to scare her awake when an arm flew out at him. A familiar voice, "Not today, Nickerson."

Ned laughed. He knew Nancy was impossible to scare, but he still liked to try anyway. He saw it as revenge for the times she managed to scare him. "We brought breakfast, sweetie."

Nancy popped out from under her nest of blankets to hug her boyfriend. "I hope Dave didn't try to wake Bess..." A loud yell broke through, interrupting what Nancy was about to say. She winced. "He really should know better by now."

Bess rushed passed Nancy and Ned and flew up the stairs.

"She didn't have to hit so hard!" Dave groaned.

"She actually hit you? Good thing you didn't bet Ned." Burt smiled.

"Bess didn't hit me herself," said Dave, "she threw a really hard pillow at me."

"Serves you right!" Bess yelled from upstairs.

"Don't worry. She'll be back down here picture perfect in another 5 minutes," said George as she went for a donut.

"So how did studying go last night?" Ned asked.

"About the same as always," said Nancy. "Bess is better at Spanish than she thinks. I think another few hours of studying for chem and I'll be good."

"Same here," said George. "Mr. Erikson always has brutal tests."

Just then, Bess made her way back down to the group and grabbed a donut out of the box. "Thanks for breakfast, but next time give us a little warning."

"We tried," Dave muttered. "Four times!"

Out of the corner of her eye, Nancy saw something flash. She turned to see the message light on her phone blinking. Nancy looked and saw that she had missed a message from Deirdre Shannon.

As the others kept talking, Nancy listened to the voice mail.

"Nancy, it's me. Deirdre. I know you're not exactly president of my fan club but listen. I need your help. Someone really important to me is in danger. Things are going from bad to worse. People are even saying she's some kind of...witch. Nancy, if you don't help me, I don't think she's going to make it out of this alive."

By the end of the message, Deirdre sounded close to tears. Nancy sighed. "Sounds like I've got another mystery on my hands."

"Again? Didn't you just come back from one in Iceland?" George asked.

"Yeah, it's from Deirdre. Listen to this." Nancy replayed the message for the group.

"Wow, I don't think I've ever heard her sound upset like that," said Ned. "Maybe you better call her back."

"Good idea. I'll be right back." Nancy's phone beeped. "Oh hang on, I've got a text from her."

Did you get my message? There is a flight to Salem in 5 hours that we can catch.

"Looks like I'm headed to Massachusetts...in 5 hours. Sorry everyone, guess I have to go pack."

"Need some help?" Bess asked.

"Yeah you don't want to forget to bring money...again." said George.

"Good point. Sorry boys, we'll pick this up another time."

Ned kissed Nancy and gave her a quick hug. He then snagged a donut and gave her another kiss. "For the road. I love you. Let me know if you need any help."

Nancy smiled. "Of course and I love you too!"

The girls showed the boys to the door and then headed to Nancy's room to get ready.

"You'd think with all of the cases you take, you would have your bags packed at all times." said Bess as she flopped onto Nancy's bed.

"I can't do that. I never know where I am going ahead of time. I like to make sure I only bring what I need. I don't want to be without a coat if it's cold or have to lug it around if it's hot."

"Good point." Bess rolled around to face Nancy's closet. "Seriously Nancy, you need to go shopping. Your wardrobe could use an update."

Nancy had never been one to care about shopping, however, she could see Bess's point. She had some things in her closet that were either falling apart, more than 5 years old or both. "We can go when I get back. I could use a girls' night."

"That is if you don't get pulled away on a case right when you get back," Bess said. Nancy had only gotten back from Iceland a week ago.

"She can't help when mysteries happen," said George. "But we can be ready to help out. Nancy, have you updated your phone with those apps I told you about? I have another for you to test out."

"It's updated, but I'm not sure there's space for anything else. There's a lot right now as there is." George had begun designing apps that have proved helpful in Nancy's cases. Her favorite was a translator that Nancy could speak into and have it accurately translate what she said into over 100 languages. She could also take pictures of something in a different language and the app would translate it. No more having to carry multiple language dictionaries.

"It won't take up much. It's a new cloud app to back up your pictures and files. It also has a notebook that you can use to keep track of what you find."

"I'm not so sure about the notebook, but the cloud could come in handy." Nancy tossed George her phone.

Bess was rummaging through Nancy's closet. Clothes were flying onto the bed in a heap. Nancy pulled out her trusty suitcase and her backpack. Bess turned to Nancy and said, "Nancy how old is that suitcase?"

"Not sure. It was my mom's."

"Wow, it has really held up over the years. Do you have a necklace that goes with this?" Bess held up a white turtleneck sweater.

"Check the jewelry box on my dresser." Nancy turned towards her desk and began adding items to her backpack. She added her laptop, charger and spare battery packs, a notebook, a few pens, lock picking kit, and a novel. Nancy always brought a book with her for the flight.

"Alright, Nancy. You're all set." George passed the phone to Nancy. "Holey cow, Bess, take it easy."

Nancy's bed was completely covered in clothes. "I just want her to be ready."

"I don't think she'll need those high heels...or that dress."

"You never know. What if Nancy needs a disguise?"

Nancy smiled and shook her head. "George has a point. Let's narrow this down a bit."

Half an hour later, Nancy was on her way to O'Hare airport. The trio managed to get everything packed up, but Nancy had a small worry that she was forgetting something important. "I don't know what I am worried about. If there really is anything I need, I can get it in Salem." she thought. "This whole trip is a little weird though. Of all the people she could call, Deirdre calls me. She can't stand me and I'm not really her biggest fan either. There must be more to this case than she said on the phone." Nany sighed. Time would tell soon enough why Deirdre called her.

Deirdre reached the gate and found a spot to wait for Nancy. She had gotten a text from Nancy saying that she was in. Deirdre left Nancy's ticket at the check-in counter. "Where is she?" Deirdre muttered.

Moments later, a familiar redhead popped out from among a crowd of people and made her way to where Deirdre was sitting. The usual sting of irritation that hit Deirdre whenever Nancy was around came and went. She had to try to be nice since she needed Nancy's help. She swallowed. "Thanks for coming, Nancy."

"You're welcome. Hope I can help." Nancy said. There was a palpable tension between the two girls. "So…what's going on? Who is your friend and what happened to her?"

"it's my friend Mei. Her dad and my dad were friends in college, so we grew up seeing each other every time we'd visit. We didn't like each other at first, but we grew on each other over the years. She has albinism, so she kind of makes some people nervous. She got accused of burning down this old, historic house in town and almost hurting the judge's kid. Mei told me she was home but no one else believes her. The building was locked up but people are saying she kidnapped the boy and used magic to get in the house. It's all so horrible."

Nancy was going through her backpack while Deirdre was talking. She pulled out a spiral notebook. "Start from the beginning and tell me exactly what happened. I'll take notes so I can reference them later."

Deirdre retold Nancy everything Mei had said. Once Deirdre finished, Nancy skimmed over her notes to make sure everything was in order and then packed in away again. "I'm going to grab something to eat for the flight. You are welcome to join me or stay here."

"What, you've already solved the mystery? That quickly? Then tell me, who is framing Mei?"

Nancy smirked. "I'm not that good. I'm hungry and I'd like something a bit more substantial than a bag of peanuts. Are you coming?"

"Fine."

The two girls got up and began their hunt for food. They walked into a nearby store to stock up on food for the flight. A few minutes later, they paid and got in line to board the flight. In a few hours, they would begin one of the most dangerous mysteries Nancy has ever had.

Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve added to the story. I have been dealing with anxiety issues and it’s hard to write all of the time :/

#Nancy Drew #MID #midnight in salem #fanfic #clue crew #deirdre shannon #ned nickerson #bess marvin #george fayne

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