#I honestly can't even believe I did this

[twotales]

So, I had this thought, about a grumpy little 2D Rodney- so I set off to make it happen- (I had no idea what I was doing)

I love him.

-

Thennnn I thought, hey, wouldn't it be cool if I animated him? (counts as using my degree right?)

Adorable.

-

but- BUT (no way man it's impossible)

WHAT IF YOU- (stop)

WHAT IF YOU COULD- (don't even-)

WHAT IF YOU COULD CONTROL HIM!?

Mission accomplished

#my therapist did indeed nudge me toward sharing - so I better just do it before I lose the courage #secret sga project #not so secret now #sga #rodney mckay #I honestly can't even believe I did this #I know to some it's nbd but to me it's a lot - I am learning things I thought impossible for me to learn - coding is hard #im also putting parts of my degree into practice #and just generally having a good time #I'll be showing more as I progress ^_^ #I'm going to hide now because I just bared a piece of my soul #I truly do love you guys #<3 #twotalesart #twotalesgamedev

[buttercupshands]

wait a minute

stop.

stop it.

#bnha #bnha manga spoilers #mha spoilers #mha 423 #I didn't hate this chapter before that #but now I am #because this is just cruel level of REMEMBER THIS????? #yes. I do remember this. I rewatched and reread this arc VERY recently #so... he killed Kurogiri with a punch like the one he did in USJ and again to save Izuku #I don't care honestly. #I reread this chapter and I cried again bc I REALLY refused to believe that Kurogiri died then #but he did with a death words to Shirakumo's friends and recall of old chapters #even if people want Tenko alive I doubt that Kurogiri will ever materialize again #and I'm deadly serious when I say that this is the worst part of this chapter #I worried for Kurogiri's existence ever since it was revealed that Shirakumo is in there #but that literally took FIVE YEARS TO APPEAR AGAIN HAVING AN IMPORTANT ROLE #and he left while crumbling just like Tomura's body before Katsuki hit him #and the last thing he thought about was about protecting Tomura even though he was partly Shirakumo's dead corpse appearing more and more #even Mic now understood that it's really is him in a way ending his arc from back in Tartarus with Aizawa #and you know what's worse??? TOMURA KNOWS THIS #the way he used “...........” with Kurogiri's name while the page literally showed his black smoke disappearing was heartbreaking before #it's worse now #like... okay he's dying too and he doesn't even know if spinner is ALIVE or not and he saw Kurogiri disappear #all while protecting him from harm one last time #AND WE STILL HAVE NO FUCKING FLASHBACKS OF HIS TIME WITH TOMURA OUTSIDE OF WHAT WE HAD IN MANGA #I'm getting more and more furious by the minute HAHA #I need to find that one sketch I did way back in 2019 with them after spoilers of Kurogiri in Tartarus #I NEED SOMETHING LIKE THAT NOW AND I CAN'T DRAW #I want to just curl up and cry myself to sleep like a 13 y.o that found out the bird that she looked after died while she was sleeping #kurogiri

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?

I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.

Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.

Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.

Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.

Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.

If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.

So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.

#asks #twdg louis #twdg minerva #twdg clementine #twdg violet #twdg marlon #twdg tenn #honestly whenever i see someone say louis is the boring option i'm just like '.......that's your opinion but also how can you say that??' #then again i'm sure other people look at me saying violentine just isn't for me and they say the same thing so y'know... i can't talk haha #also time is such a weird thing because i look at the entire cell scene in louis' route and like... i'm not even mad about violet anymore #like yeah i still don't believe she was brainwashed like i'm sorry y'all only believe that because kent said something about it #not because there's all this evidence toward it in game like vi being pissed at clementine makes sense she doesn't need to be brainwashed #for it to work like her being vulnerable and easily manipulated into submission makes perfect sense especially with minerva there #it's like everyone was pissed that she attacked clementine and people needed a way to excuse it so it's not violet's fault when like... #that's literally what makes it interesting like calm down it's okay if violet is pissed and scared and behaves accordingly #also my controversial opinion of the day that i'll hide here in the tags so maybe people won't find it sksksk but #I personally find the concept of vinerva and the doomed tragedy of it more compelling than anything violentine did #like i'll defend violentine and i do believe it's an important and good ship it's just not my personal favorite #anyway but then the whole thing with lilly and minerva is so good and louis screaming FUCK YOU at minerva?? amazing love it so good #i love when the soft character who never chooses violence is so pissed off that all that anger they have boils to the surface and it's raw #like... he's SO mad he's SO furious he's SOOO UPSET like he wasn't even like this when marlon died or anything like he hit his limit #and then shooting dorian through the mouth while an accident is just well done i love it and i love his reaction of mortification #and apologizing and YET he still tries to go with clementine he's trembling and can barely string together a sentence but he wants to go #he wants to help her he wants to save aj THAT is the gut reaction he has after everything that just went down #'louis isn't loyal or good for clem because of the vote' babe tell me you don't understand any nuance of louis' character without telling m #it's fine IT'S FINE you don't have to agree and i just have to remind myself that it's fine not everyone likes louis we're okay #this drives me crazy in the best way like y'know what? i love the cells scene in louis' route all of it even the stuff i used to rant about #even the stuff that used to piss me off now i'm just like 'no wait past cj was dumb she wasn't looking at it this way aaaaaaaa' sksksks #that was my tag ted talk about the cell scene thank you

[cherrykamado]

thursday

#because happy it'd be if i hadn't seen the bnha leaks #oh my fucking god #im trying not to get ahead until i read the chapter or read the following one #bnha manga spoilers #mha manga spoilers #idk it feels not at all like it's tomura's death?? #horikoshi has pulled shit like this in the past and in the end there was a turn of events #i wanna believe this will be the case too #it feels so sudden and so anticlimatic for THIS to be his death #i wanna believe this will be just AFO losing his vessel but not tomura losing #bc if it turns out to be his death then it'd mean that somehow he lost against afo? he silenced suppressed him and displaced him. this cant #end like this #i mean deku BARELY reached out to him. barely went to tenko's core and held his hand. to me he still needs saving. there needs to be idk #something more PROFOUND #i hope this is just afo losing his chance to perpetrate himself rather than killing tomura or else it'd be a very empty ending for him #idk i can't help it feels surreal. inconcluse even #to me this is not his death #how many times did i say this in the tag #(it was the denial) #no se vieja bring tomura back or at least tenko #maybe make him be inside the ofa dimension manifest there or some shit. this cant be over #and honestly i don't think afo's lost this way either #clearly there's no will for tenko to fight anymore or at least the manga panel of his and deku's hand implied so #bring him back i beg let my husband live 😭 #🍒 — cherrypostin

[saturnskyline]

#maybe even with the inherent homoeroticism in there depending on who you ask

me, me, me, ask me!

~*~*~

Kim is sixteen when he wants to move out. His father doesn't say no, but he might as well. He tells Kim that nowhere is as safe as their house and that Kim can move out when he can defend himself properly, and by properly, he means Kim has to win whatever fight his father organizes. Kim is a good fighter, a natural one, he gets praise from Chan, and nobody except Pete gets praise from Chan. But his father is a cunning man, and when Kim gets attacked by Big, Chan and some burly dude he has never seen before, it only takes them a few minutes to win.

"Who was that?" he asks later when Pete ices his sore jaw and tells Kim what mistakes he made during the fight and what he needs to work on next. 

"Game," Pete says because Pete knows everything. "I've seen him with Khun Vegas."

Ah.

~*~*~

"What do I get out of it?" Vegas asks because Vegas doesn't do favours, not even for his family. 

"You can pretend I am Kinn and beat the shit out of me?"

Vegas snorts and ends the call.

~*~*~

Kim trains harder than ever and still loses. Fucking Game pulls a knife on him, slaps him, and fights like he has no honour. This time Pete is silent as he holds an ice pack to Kim's bloody nose.

~*~*~

"No," Vegas says instead of hello. 

"What would it take?" Kim asks because he hates the house he lives in, hates the chain on his neck, and hates not following his dream.

There is a long silence. 

"Why?" Vegas asks in English.

"I want to get out, and he won't let me leave otherwise." 

Vegas laughs, but it sounds hollow. "Sucks to be you."

He ends the call but messages Kim two days later. The message contains nothing but a time, date and address. Kim has three days to figure out how he can sneak away; he has a feeling Vegas does not want witnesses. 

~*~*~

Vegas is two years older, taller and stronger. He fights to win, and he fights dirty. He enters the abandoned apartment with a scowl and wastes no time with pleasantries, dropping a bag and going after Kim like his life depends on it. He pushes Kim into the broken coffee table with a kick in his stomach, and it's on. Twenty minutes later, Kim is on his back, bleeding from at least ten different places, and he isn't sure that a few of his ribs are not broken. His head hurts, and his wrists are firmly pinned above his head. Vegas grins with bloody teeth, and something in his eyes makes Kim realize that maybe it was not a good idea to show up alone, with nobody to protect him.

"See you in two weeks," Vegas finally says, disappearing before Kim gets enough strength to sit up. He stays like that for a while, wrists still above his head, and if he closes his eyes, he can still feel Vegas's hands around them.

~*~*~

It takes a while to unlearn some of the things Big and Pete have taught him, but Kim is a quick learner. Where Vegas might be stronger, Kim is faster, and where Vegas is more aggressive, Kim can use that momentum against him. That and he learns to use anything and everything around him to fight Vegas. The first time he throws an old vase, Vegas actually stops and laughs, looking at the broken pieces around him. Kim punches him in the jaw to shut him up. Later he yields to Vegas when they roll, and the ceramic pieces cut up Kim's back badly enough that he needs stitches.

~*~*~

Five months in Vegas shows up with a bruise on his face, his lip swollen and bloody. 

"Cheating on me?" Kim asks, pushing Vegas against the wall with a strength he didn't have months ago. Vegas growls like an actual animal and swaps them around so viciously that Kim almost loses his balance. His head hits the wall with a loud thud. Kim's so used to the pain, he ignores it. Vegas goes for his stomach, and Kim risks leaving it unprotected. He punches Vegas in the mouth, splits the lip open again, and Vegas stumbles backwards. 

Kim wastes no time, aims for legs and kicks hard enough that Vegas falls, and the adrenaline rush from knowing that this might be the first time he wins is so heady that Kim almost falls himself. He knows he is not strong enough to make Vegas yield just by pinning down his arms, so he uses his body to pin Vegas down, punches Vegas in the mouth once and then twice and then the third time, enough to make Vegas dizzy, to make him forget who is stronger. 

"Yield," he orders, looking down at the blood smeared all over Vegas's mouth. 

Vegas looks at him. It's a strange look, like he's calculating something, and Kim pushes his knee deeper into Vegas's stomach. "Yield."

Vegas surges up and bites Kim's lips with such strength that the blood that Kim tastes is his own. He yelps in pain and surprise, and the next thing he knows, Vegas flips them around, grinning like he always does when he knows he's won.

"What the fuck," Kim turns his head, breathless still, and spits blood on the floor. He should have aimed for Vegas's face.

Vegas, the crazy motherfucker, leans down and licks Kim's jaw like Kim is some prey to be eaten. 

"See you in two weeks," he says, leaving Kim on the floor, covered in their blood.

~*~*~

Kim disarms Chan, Game and Big four months later and gets his apartment keys. If Vegas is surprised to see him a week after, he doesn't let it show. He pushes Kim against the kitchen counter, and Kim breaks a dish against Vegas's cheek. It's on.

first of all, before i go any further, this is in reference to my tags on a previous post about kim and vegas bonding through violence:

second of all.... TUMSA????? TUMSA. YOU'RE LITERALLY INSANE FOR DUMPING THIS MASTERPIECE IN MY INBOX 😭😭😭

well idk what i'm even supposed to say gdhfsdjfhsdf. i'm glad you volunteered for the sake of "inherent homoeroticism" bc you are going to be the reason i put the vegaskim? kimvegas? (probably both. they're fighting for dominance after all) tag on my blog for the first time 🥲 thank you for your service bestie <3333

#i am overwhelmed #my brain is exploding and i am so so grateful #honestly i didn't even mean to keep pointing out the ship it just happened #and now i'm glad i did lol #much thanks again bff #kim theerapanyakul #vegas theerapanyakul #kimvegas #vegaskim #kpts #can't believe i'm tagging the next two together pls i feel so blessed #fanfic #asks

[sysig]

Oh he is So baby (Patreon)

#Doodles #Helix #SCII #Max Vyer #Teen Max ;; *gently holds* #Like I didn't love him already his teen phase was This Cute??? Stoppp #I am once again relating way too hard to Max lol - it looks? like he's wearing dark eyeliner to me #There's no way he actually has eye bags that dark as a 16 year old right am I just protecting my feelings towards wanting him to be okay :'D #He started drinking before he was 21 but when did he start some of the harder stuff - was him getting on the roof a teen or drug thing #Worried about you Max #Well anyway I choose to believe it's eyeliner lol <3 Which is extremely cute <3 #There's something so double-funny to me about having drawn him all cutesy as a baby y'know - cherubic! Adorable blond baby! #And then his emo/grunge/punk phase as a teen but he keeps his blond hair because of his vanity hehehehe I love him!!! So much!! #He's so adorable <3 #Anyway yeah I had a dark eyeliner phase as a teen also lol except mine was Classique Fandom Cringe™ ♥ #I'd draw the YGO Eye of Ra with my eye acting as the main part of the eye lol teens are goofy like that #Very measured of him to just darken his lower lid really ♪ #The collar and the cuffs too I just jdksfladf I can't think of it as anything but extremely cute lol I'm so endeared <3 <3 #He's such a brat I love him so much #I talked about how his parents would've still been awful even if he had A Diagnosis but honestly he probably would've been too <3 #Not a get-out-of-jail-free card Max! #I - a Max apologist - say lol

[cringesunday]

special place in hell for the "x are the best years of your life" crowd

#it's almost as if not everyone lives the exact same lives... 9 out of 10 people could be living it up in college but the 10th person has #more fun in their 30s than they ever did in college. someone can be at their career peak as early as 30 and others could start over at 30 #i honestly can't tell you how fucking depressed this mentality made me in high school and all of college it's only recently that I've starte #started trying to unlearn this. someone went so far as to insinuate even if you're at your most miserable from 13-21 it'll still be the best #time you'll ever have and it's all downhill after that etc etc and honestly FUCK you for telling vulnerable and scared kids that #my dad has a bigger and much much more fulfilling social circle and social life at 52 than maybe ever. the guy literally lives like hes 25 #our family doctor was still bettering his knowledge of medicine at the age of 88 #life is not all about 13-25 it just can't fucking be and fuck you if you've made even a single person believe that #anumania

[apple-os]

ppl who like making friends solely with one-note cardboard boxes who will hang out with them when it's convenient and never open up about who they are as people and what their lives are like dni

#the salt just caught up with me and now im pissed #hi welcome to what i like to call a friendly reminder that hanging out with someone just because its convenient is kind of shitty #and a less friendly reminder that talking about yourself to connect with people is an autistic trait #and an even less friendly reminder that not telling someone if theyve done you wrong and then proceeding to blow up on them is ALSO SHITTY #ESPECIALLY. WHEN. THEY THINK. YOU'RE ON GOOD TERMS. BECAUSE YOU ACTED LIKE IT AND THEY CAN'T READ YOU. #IM REALLY FUCKING MAD #I THINK I HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO BE. #the people who actually somewhat knew me and hung out with me and were on good terms with me think the same #so like BLEH MYEH :PPPPPPPPP #like okay youre entitled to your opinions but sometimes you need to keep those to yourself #did u see me insulting u to ur face #nope i have not done even once #and thats on getting better communication skills instead of lashing out at someone for trying to fit in with your own vibes #like yeah oversharing is my deal. anybody who sees me here knows that #i bond by being open with people about who i am and what i like in the hopes that theyll do the same #if u think im just around for gaming and making silly jokes u would be wrong. #but of course nobody told me people weren't there to bond like that which in my opinion shouldnt be on me #and once again i am outcasted over something honestly kind of fucking stupid #some of the jokes i made were stupid yes but thats solely because i severely misjudged the vibes #and checks notes oh yeah nobody pulled me up for it even once. #okay so let me get this straight you barely know me and have been making assumptions about me since day one #pretty much let me believe you liked me for two whole weeks instead of asking me about things or cutting me off #and im the one who gets treated like im in the wrong? okay #this miscommunication was not my fault in the slightest and i KNOW that #if you hadve just talked to me things would be fine but theyre NOT. #if you hadve just looked at my gosh darn profile and seen im the queerest fucker around making gay and homophobic type jokes maybe you woul #have had half the mind to ask me if i could stop making those jokes!!!!!!!!! #i am not transphobic!!!!!!! I AM TRANS!! I WAS MAKING A MOCKERY OF SOME TRANSPHOBIC CULTURE I HATE!!!! #i mightve vented on main ONE TIME under the guise of a silly joke but oh my god guess what?? that was an attempt to see if anybody related. #you never liked me in the first place dont lie to yourself

[magentagalaxies]

.

#this might be both oversharing and being too vague rn but it's 2am and i'm emotionally exhausted #i can't believe during one of the most traumatic moments i've had in the past year i was lucky enough to have scott as my biggest supporter #the entire time as i was going through it he was so supportive giving me space to process shit and always having my back #and yet there are some people in my life who are always going to villainize him for one comment he said during that time out of context #or even if they're not ''villainizing'' him i now feel like i have to begin every sentence about scott with #''yeah we don't agree on everything but we're still friends and isn't that amazing!'' #which yeah that is true and i do genuinely enjoy when scott and i disagree and are respectful about it #BUT WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE THE FIRST THING I SAY ABOUT HIM???? #and honestly that whole experience made me agree with scott on way more than i started out with #i'm proud of how i was able to grow as a person and for the fact that it brought me and scott much closer together #but that shit i went through at my college was still traumatic. and it did change me as a person #it completely changed my relationship to activism in a way i'm not happy about bc i want to be more of an activist #but when i had someone use social justice language to justify horrible things against me it's hard not to be wary #of how hollow and performative a lot of conversations can be #and like i'll even say it. like people might get mad at me for admitting it #but that whole traumatic situation has irrevocably changed my relationship to gender as well #or at least how i label myself and how i move through these conversations #and in some ways i'm grateful for it bc i do feel like i know myself more and like i don't have to worry about what others' think #or even what other people understand #but it shouldn't have had to go down like that. and as much as the time i got to spend with scott during that time was so much fun #and such a great experience and he was truly the perfect support system during that time #he shouldn't have had to deal with that and neither should i #and the fact that scott somehow got villainized in some people's minds while the person who actually caused that trauma #is instead treated like ''yeah he was a bit misguided and made a mistake but he was probably anxious about it!! he's just a person!!'' #that's never going to stop being painful. especially the idea that with the importance people put on labels #i would supposedly have more ''community solidarity'' with that asshole than a cis gay man like scott #idk i think i'm past the timeframe of that traumatic experience bc it's not consuming every day like it used to a few weeks back #but something triggered it tonight so i just need to process it. anyway shoutout to scott for being there for me i really needed it

[sealovinq]

i need friends /gen (slight rant in tags)

#xelle.txt #i noticed i don't really have a permanent circle of friends. at least irl #i have one online but they're also busy and i just can't dedicate my time to one friend group #i don't know - it's just the people i thought who were nice turned out to be the exact opposite #and when i found out about that i just kinda. lost interest in making any more friends #my partner is the only person i interact with on a daily basis. the irl friend group i was referring to earlier i'm not exactly close with- #-them either #i feel like if i didn't only give my time in nurturing my romantic relationship i would have done the same for my platonics too #that's still a problem of mine. my time management between love life and friends. heck i even got myself into an unsolvable problem because- #-of my inability to stay consistent #also my brain is kinda fried from reading 20+ pages so pardon any grammatical errors but yeah anyway #honestly i've been craving for interaction here. but i know i won't be active and it'd just be pointless #to gain more friends or followers. i don't exactly make content as consistently as i did before #the other day i had to vent to an ai (would you believe me if it was cha.tgpt) about my troubles because i had no one else to talk to lol #there's just so much going on irl 😭 ya girl's almost starting college and they're throwing so much tasks at us!! #and i feel very very stressed about it because they're usually done in groups i am ALWAYS the assigned leader #which gets exhausting especially when there are lazy members present #anyway #hopefully this weekend i get some time to cool off. but next week i'm back to grinding and working #lol i don't even think i'm in the top ranks anymore. i'm so burnt out. #this is what being an academic achiever gives you oops ZZHSIAHAHAJAHHS #imma sleep now 😭 #idk you can just interact with me or recommend someone you know who self ships in the same medias i do #goodnight everypony 🫶 #vent tw #rant tw

[biweeklybisexual]

i can’t wait to rewatch the mentalist episode where a catatonic Kristina tells Jane she’s at peace wherever she is now and oh she’s been able to talk to his wife and child !!!

and then rigsby, seeing how upset Jane is, completely misses the point (bless his heart) and is like oh but it could be worse Jane, Kristina your narrative mirror so essentially you haha could be completely dead !!! At least she’s catatonic, that’s good right ?!

like… doesn’t death seem like the better outcome for Jane/Kristina right now ?

you’re telling as an audience we’re not supposed to interpret that Jane still believes he’d be better off dead and reunited with his family ? what is this

#the mentalist #spiralling again #i could honestly write even more about this but I’m going to sound insane #but I don’t care so : it’s also very hum interesting 🤨 to me that Kristina represents Jane’s delusion #and she’s a character that steadfastly believes in the after life #I don’t think I ever really understood how cruel jane’s fate until now like he’s a man who passed for a psychic #pretended he could talk to ghosts for money but also bc it brought these people relief and hope #and then when his family dies he can’t contact them because it was all fake #what he did for others he can't do for himself #is someone else seeing this ? that’s so unbearably cruel like I’m tearing up rn #But then Kristina arrives and she gives him the Patrick Jane treatment trying to tell him no !! your wife and child are still there #???? I don’t know what the writers were on but they can keep it to themselves this is excruciating

[daz4i]

how to stop thinking any good thing someone says to you (like compliments or being proud of you or other positive expressions such as these) is a lie just to be polite or bc they're biased and thus can't judge you work and your being objectively bc they love you. asking for a friend

#lovebombing won't work on me i will automatically assume there is an ulterior motive there #i may be off on what it is. but i won't trust it either anyway #(joking btw ik i'm not immune to abuse tactics. that's actually part of why i'm vigilant to all that i think) #(but not only) #i think my main issue is i know in my heart these things can't be right. the bigger the compliment the less i believe it #bc i'm below average and so is anything i create. propping it (and me) up as smth unique feels disingenuous #in my heart i do want this like i wanna be told nice things but they usually make me feel worse lol #bc i still think i'm shit and now i feel like i can't trust that person either. #(still. if someone is mean to me or even just harsh instead. i will cry) #also while this is already very deep and digging into my core the next tags are gonna dig into therapy level deepness lol #i think this is actually why i only want ppl to be sexually attracted to me honestly #smth abt it being like. a physical reaction. makes it easier to believe for me #also smth you can express smth you can do to prove it beyond just saying words #(i will sometimes still doubt it when i have a steady partner of any sort lol like i'll ask if they just indulge me or actually want it) #which is why it's fucking me up sm that i'm getting uglier 🥲 i'm already not great - being trans and fat limits a lot of your options - but #things are getting even worse lol 🥲 who knew that was even possible #all this isn't really a very good base to stop hating yourself. so my self loathing is only getting worse every day #thus making any good word harder to believe. and the cycle continues #. yknow when i started typing this post i did not expect to go on for this long #i am on these sleeping pills that make me lose my filter i'm sorry 😔 #vent

[triviareads]

What I do appreciate about Never Have I Ever is that Nalini didn't take off her thaali after Mohan died until she was ready, and they actually had Nirmala Pati remarry.

#honestly the way so many Hindus still believe a widow is this ascetic asexual being above all *worldly* things is not great #for context a woman is meant to remove her thaali after her husband dies #like.... a woman's life does not end just because her husband's did #I can't help but feel that even if sati is not practiced anymore #spiritually and emotionally it kinda still is #so I appreciate the show portraying women moving on in this way #hinduism #desi tumblr #desiblr #never have i ever

[aeide-thea]

the thing abt this website (and probably other websites as well) is that like. posters will complain that readers get mad at posts for not encompassing Everyone's Experiences, when they were just talking about their own experiences

and it's like. okay but did you phrase your post in the universalizing second person or.

cue janet-with-cactus gifset.

#this is specifically a vagueblog of a post that describes 'being a girl and hitting puberty' as #'you spend years hating being a girl and hating everything puberty did to you' #which is like. i KNOW i read some personal essay by some famous female screenwriter whose name i'm blanking on #that was *entirely* about her adolescent Desire to Grow Breasts #it's not that feeling dubious abt yr body changing *can't* be a Cis Female Experience— #[bc ultimately i do believe like. Gender is a bunch of different things in uneasy harness #(more on this another time probably) #but definitely one of those things is 'the particular lens we personally choose to view our own experiences through' #so if afab!you decide yr a woman? yr experiences are those of a cis woman‚ even if they're statistically speaking uncommon for cis women] #—but it definitely is not a universal one #(and tbh i rather suspect not even a common one‚ although i don't remotely pretend to have data on that point?) #anyway like. if you aren't trying to make claims abt the universality of an experience: first person is a tool available to you! #consider using it! #i think honestly people deploy the universalizing 'you' in ways that are totally invisible to them and it's often alienating-to-harmful #but like. we're so primed to Seek Social Validation that we often phrase things in ways that are like. subtle equivalents of latin nonne #and it's like. this is a power move actually! you don't even realize you're making it! #anyway i'm just a lobbyist for like. understanding what you're doing and doing it on purpose #language #metatumbling

[meowmeowmessi]

laporta and co orchestrating the most heinous smear campaign known to man against messi and his entourage

#despite my many threats of physical violence on him i'm 150% with jorge messi on this one #he saw what the institution did to messi once and said not again and i respect that #plus i'm honestly having a hard time believing they were /almost/ ready to sign on the saudi deal #messi can't even see himself outside of barcelona due to adjustment issues and you're telling him he was okay with SAUDI ARABIA? #i'm inclined to believe it's all a smokescreen but who knows... #again i perfectly understand the anxiety and desperation from messi's side bc those european clubs won't be waiting for him forever #they have other transfer targets and squad planning in mind too #and messi himself has to think abt his kids #so if (and huge if btw i think barça will happen actually) barça can't pull thru for him he's stranded AGAIN #already it's been said that they can't register him before july 1 bc he has a contract with psg until june 30 #so it's already not looking good bruv #atp all we can do is watch this dumpster fire of a transfer saga unfold before our eyes while screaming crying throwing up #thank god he won the wc if he's forced to r*tire at least his legacy won't be that of an international bottler anymore lol #(said while coughing blood)

[headofthedemonn]

It's very seldom my heart agrees with my mind but I know he's not coming back.

#captain's log #I've never once felt desirable he told me so many times how beautiful i was he asked me why did i hate myself #and who hurt me so much he made me feel seen because he told me everything they did to me wasn't my fault he said stop calling yourself ugly #please don't hurt yourself anymore okay? im here for you I'd never leave you like they did okay? never I'm not like them i promise #i love you. but none of it was true finding out the truth made me hate myself even more how stupid could i have been to think someone #love me i wanted to believe it so bad no one has ever said that to me so of course i wanted to hold on with an iron fist but everything #but i was just a game to him he didn't care about me i honestly think he hated me to my core #i don't think i have a chance at finding love but that's all i want i could easily fall in love with a boy or girl or whatever but someone #lied about loving me and caring about me so am i doomed to chase things i don't really want money? status? success? #sure money is needed to survive the world but why can't i have what my grandparents had or other people have had love and it lasts still #i just wanted to feel it in my heart so much i was willing to do anything but i was so fucking stupid i should have known better #i thought it was real i didn't think he was being dishonest because i was telling the truth the whole time so i expected him to do the same #i don't think i have a chance but if i do idk i don't think i can survive getting hurt again #i just want something real and someone real but that's far too much to ask