#I have worked so hard to combat all the internalized fat phobia from my adolescence and adult hood and still I struggle with this

[vanity-complex]

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#so today I went to the doctor and found out I am still the same weight I’ve been for four years #and this is good news because I am perfect weight for my height #but recently I’ve been feeling so bad about my body and thinking about how round my tummy is and how much I dislike how I look #and I’ve thought it’s because I’ve gained weight and this time I was so sure of it and I was so ready to go to the gym to lose a few pounds #but instead it is all literally in my head and self manufactured #and this perception that I’ve gained weight is all just a lie fabricated by my mind #and it’s so frustrating because I thought I was doing so good with my eating disorder #but instead I’m still just mentally I’ll and I feel like crying #because even though I beat the physical battle I will never be done with the mental battle #and like I don’t even think about others weight #I have worked so hard to combat all the internalized fat phobia from my adolescence and adult hood and still I struggle with this #and I’m so mad I could scream #because if I can see the beauty and love in everyone else #why does eating an apple for my own nourishment feel like a crime?! #literally this is so hard and I just don’t know how to fix it #anyways