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deep-dive · 3 years

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my submission for https://realfantasy.zone/

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My first boyfriend was a death eater. Virtual Hogwarts (virtual-hogwarts.org) is an immersive roleplaying forum where a year at Hogwarts plays out over the course of 4–5 months. You take classes, actually completing homework and getting graded on it, though the grading was based off how well you role-played the prompt and not actual quizzing. You can try to make the Quidditch team. You can duel using a pretty meticulous, mathematical system they created specifically for the boards. Basically anything that existed in the books, exists on the site. It was an intensely intricate world of different systems and world building that I still find impressive and is still ongoing to this day. They’re currently on Year 40. Once your character graduates, they become an alum and the account loses access to the Hogwarts forums but is still involved with lore beyond the school, though the focus is still on the seven school years. Two of my characters remain in this state, with a mostly full archive of my RPs accessible. Please don’t try and find them! Being such an immersive experience, you naturally became incredibly close with the people you were roleplaying with. We created MSN accounts specifically for our original characters. The lines between reality and fiction were often blurred — many people were incredibly secretive about who all of their characters were (especially if they were professors or canon characters). I have one vivid memory of a friend who would alter her voice while using Skype after creating a mysterious new character. We would group chat until 6AM, but she still somehow fooled me for months. My main character was a bisexual Ravenclaw and his celebrity alter (as we called them, basically who we used in our siggies and avatars) was Brian Molko. During a planned attack on the school, I began chatting with one of the death eaters through MSN after a friend said they were interested in me after learning I was gay IRL. Growing up deep in rural Maryland, I had never had a boyfriend and barely had met anyone else gay my age at the time. No one had ever shown much interest in me. I was naturally excited. We chatted and Skyped, using voice chat only, over a period of about a month before I called him my boyfriend. We revealed all of our characters and alts. He had a Slytherin Year 7 prefect alongside his death eater character. I had a dueling instructor and a presorting lesbian character I was developing using Ellen Page circa-Hard Candy as her alter. He told me he lived in Seattle and was 19. He played soccer and had a deep, sexy voice. I was 14. Chatting eventually lead to sexting, but the sexting was really just me taking awkward photos on my mom’s Nikon and then carefully erasing the pictures after sending him zip files of what I thought the best ones were. I was hardly aware of my own sexuality at the time even knowing that I was gay, which always felt more like this subconscious, deeply understood part of my personhood rather than something directly tied to sex at the time. I was always obsessed with forbidden love stories and romance, stories with themes of isolation and outcasts. This unawareness includes what I desired, how to view my body in a sexual way, and what other people desired. Despite this, he seemed to enjoy the photos, always requesting more. I happily obliged. He never reciprocated with his own photos though. I had one photo of him which I cherished and then became skeptical of. I was young and naïve, but not completely foolish. There were always excuses. I started to dread his phone-calls. They became more and more frequent. He left voicemails on our family’s machine for me. I’d delete them. I eventually tearfully told him I wanted to break up, and I didn’t want him calling anymore. He was angry but abided. I stayed on the site for a few more years, leaving before I went to college. In 2015, I found a note written from a friend after my dad passed away while clearing out my mom’s old house. It would have been written a couple of months before my brief online romance. It was a letter about what our friendship meant to her, an incredibly sweet gesture in hindsight. In that letter, she said “I love that you live two different lives.”

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starfxckersinc · 5 years

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Just saw your #jack fairy tag and wondered what kind of story you gof for him bc I'm curious

Hey, I’m not the one with the story actually! My friend @lionslove has a big one involving him and I’m sure she’d be happy to give it to you, I more have one for Malcolm bc nobody wanted to accessorize him but me.

So basically, Malcolm’s full name is Malcolm O’Hara, and he comes from a strict religious family in the Midwest. He is a third generation Irish immigrant. I’m thinking his family lives somewhere in Ohio, that his father is a mechanic, and his mother is either a secretary or a Librarian- Something fitting for a woman to do. He’s from a small town similar to my own, which means that basically everyone is a bigoted Republican, including his own parents. His teen years are unremarkable, and are probably spent much like Brian Molko’s; Pursuing drama(which is in fact possible if you live in a shitty small town, as long as you’re willing to drive), getting obsessed with music, and dealing with undiagnosed depression. He manages to graduate high school and is sent to college, where he works part time until he has enough money to buy a plane ticket. He drops out by way of just disappearing, hops on the plane, and ends up in London with no money and very little knowledge of English currency.

From there, he becomes a squatter, and falls in with the runaway gay crowd as one of their many Arthur Stuarts. As in, they’re not sure how long he’ll be with them, but they’ll look after him until he finds somewhere to go. This crowd frequents clubs and shows, and sort of forms their own clique- Pearl, Ray, Billy, and Malcolm, form a sort of superior, romantic miniature society, which is focused on pursuing their work and dreams despite the terrible injustices of Capitalism and the heterosexual world. Eventually they do end up with a shitty flat to hole up in, though how they get their instruments together is beyond me. Most likely, Pearl has a rich relative who dies, and they take the inheritance money and buy champagne and a drum set. Besides that, I know you can find cheap guitars in pawn shops. It helps that they weren’t looking for quality.

So you have The Flaming Creatures, which draw on a number of influences. You have, obviously, the first tastes of Goth with them- This is because Malcolm is a slut for trashy vampire shit and dressed accordingly. He’s also a poet, like Marc Bolan. He’s tried to get a couple of books published unsuccessfully, and writes with a romantic, space-age, fable heavy style. If I were going to describe their sound, I’d say it was a blend of the Caberet soundtrack and the T. Rex sound, and that it would eventually develop into something like Lydia Lunch or The Cure. Of course, Malcolm is obsessed with Caberet, and that makes their eventual move to Berlin a must.

The Flaming Creatures never get as popular as acts like Polly Smalls and Brian Slade, and this is something Malcolm understands but is secretly torn up about. Their sound is different from the other glam acts, and Brian Slade is obviously a sell out. Compared to his first record, Sebastian, which Malcolm liked, The Ballad Of Maxwell Demon is a grab for commercial success through and through, especially with its lead single, The Whole Shebang. It doesn’t help that his idol, Jack Fairy, king of the underground, loathes Brian with a vehemence that Malcolm is happy to return. Jack takes a liking to The Flaming Creatures, and to Malcolm personally. He produces their first record, and later, sets them up with a place to stay in Berlin.

After the Brian Slade scandal, Malcolm is on cloud nine. Their first record, Electric Warrior, is doing very well, and now Brian Slade is dead. They’ve been able to find somewhere better to live, and now several people in the band have girlfriends, so they don’t all have to be on top of each other anymore. He’s even happier when he wakes up the next day to find out that he didn’t actually die, he just ruined his whole life, and Electric Warrior is number five on the charts. Not long after that, The Creatures receive an offer to open the Death of Glitter concert for Jack Fairy.

Arthur appears shortly before this concert, in the Creature’s normal haunt, which is part strip club, part, Malcolm believes, avant garde arena. It forces their music to be sexy.

Malcolm does eventually draw out Arthur’s story, which is far more tragic than his own, and takes him on with the enthusiasm of a child with their first puppy. He’s never had an apprentice before, and is happy to treat Arthur as Jack treated him, teaching him the basics of fashion, presentation, guitar, and men. When the Death Of Glitter concert rolls around, he lets Arthur accompany them, though it’s not even up to him: Arthur is their family, and they’re not sure how long he’ll be there, but he gets to stay until he has somewhere to go.

Death of Glitter happens, and the world is in an uproar, but not like it was with Brian- That was the real world. The inner world, between Jack, Curt, and The Creatures, is rapidly changing. Soon after the concert Arthur lands a job writing for a music mag, and moves in with his first boyfriend; Someone who looks suspiciously like Curt Wild, but is in fact a sweet kid named James. The Creatures pack up and head to Berlin, which is where Jack and Curt have taken residence, experimenting constantly with new frontiers and new sounds. It will be a while before the technological musical advances of the 80’s, but Malcolm and Jack will be at the forefront.

Or at least- Jack is experimenting, creating, and looking beautiful while doing it- Curt is a self-destructive black hole. Back on heroin, it’s all Jack can do to keep him alive and out of the gutters. He can’t do anything about Curt’s increasingly violent stage acts, which now include shattered glass and taking on people in the crowd who could kill him. Malcolm and Jack get closer, as Malcolm has more personal understanding with Curt and is better at talking sense into him. Jack also likes that Malcolm is his opposite; Opinionated, loud, and not afraid to cry or scream in any social situation where he feels the need. They have their similarities as well- Jack is also Irish, as in came from Ireland to London at the age of sixteen, and has similar family and inferiority issues. They begin their relationship which, though it goes through phases, never fully ends and becomes monogamous and fully committed around 1976.

This is at about the point where things mellow out- Curt gradually gets better, after a few life or death scares and a couple of rehab trips. He gets back into his music with a vengeance, and Curt Wild: The Passenger does better than Danger Zone. Malcolm and Jack continue to push themselves artistically, and become more and more involved with their relationship. The Creatures split up, but Malcolm remains as a solo artist, being produced by Jack. It’s around 1980 that Curt and Brian reconnect(a whole other story) and the Berlin apartment becomes too small, as the general hatred for Brian Slade is too big. Curt moves to Paris with Brian in ‘81, and after a couple of years, once everything has softened and it’s clear that some people have matured, Jack and Malcolm follow. Deep friendships are formed all around, and music, art, and poetry continue to be the soul focus of everyone’s life- Outside of Brian, who still has to leave room for his massive and highly obnoxious daddy kink.

Jack dies in 2013 of complications from pneumonia(I haven’t asked Caroline about this but we’ve established that he’s sickly in the respiratory sense so if I’m wrong I am sorry,) and Curt in 2015 of a heart attack. Brian and Malcolm settle into the lives of snarky old queens, and actually become even better friends than they were before, something basically unexpected and unheard of, as far as Malcolm is concerned. Brian passes in his sleep at the tender old age of 80, and Malcolm follows shortly after in much the same way, at the age of 77.

#aberdeen spoken word #i spent an hour on this dbdbdbdn #brian molko #velvet goldmine #brian slade #jack fairy #curt wild

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dysphorie · 5 years

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This is my favourite venue. I can't count the memories it holds

Where those traffic cones are is where I saw Joey Jordison come out of Slipknots tour bus during the s/t tour, no mask and no one around to tell about it cos I was the only one who turned up hours and hours early all the time

The black doorway on the right is where I met my first proper friend at a Placebo gig at the age of 13. He will always be the one who got away. We're still best friends, 20+ years later

The doorway is also where I met Brian Molko at a second Placebo gig, and he was the first celeb who was rude to me, breaking my heart because I was obsessed with him and the band

The shutters on the right where the people are standing is where I stood later that same night when I found out my friend had been stabbed while in the queue for the gig, just for being a bit goth

Behind the sign, inside the ballroom, is where I fell in love, and where I was abused, where so many pivotal moments of my life took place that I literally cannot begin to describe them all

It's like home

#glasgow #barrowlands #barrowland ballroom #sorry to be depresso on main

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godmerlin · 6 years

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Pick your favorite or one of your favorite music groups or solo artists.

tagged by @thelayover15

Who is it or What are they: Robbie Williams

How long have you been a fan?

Well, I’ve liked Rob since he was in Take That in the 90s. So, like, 24 years? sort of? but like rob since his solo career...since it began

Do you remember the first song of theirs you heard?

the first song he was apart of would have been back for good i think? i’m not really sure. lol idk about solo. i can’t remember.

What’s your favourite album(s)?

I DON’T KNOW! That’s too hard. Umm... Maybe, Intensive Care? But Also... Rudebox and Take The Crown. Both his Under the Radar’s.

What’s your favourite song(s)?

Tripping, The Trouble With Me, Burslem Normals, The 80s, The 90s, Hotel Crazy, Different, If It’s Hurting You, Feel, Blasphemy, Deceptacon, Dififcult For Weirdos, Andy Warhol, Satellites, Numb, International Entertainment, All Climb On, H.E.S, The Edge, Super Tony, Stalker’s Day Off, Motherfucker, A LOT MORE hahaha

Have you ever seen them live? (How often?)

No because ya know, I’m American and he doesn’t tour here anymore. BUT I HOPE TO ONE DAY. FINGERS CROSSED.

Have you ever met them?

Nooo :(

Do you have a favourite era of their career?

90s Take That, the reunion of Take That, his first 5 albums? modern rob? um. Everything???

Do you have their autograph or a photo with them?

I have his autograph!

Is there a song or album of theirs you dislike?

Noooo!

Do you own a lot of merch (like t-shirts, posters, ect.)?

I don’t own A LOT. I have some. Like some t shirts and calendars. coasters.

Are you a member of any forum about them or run a fansite?

um i mean i keep up with people on here, twitter, insta, and facebook? but that’s kinda it.

Do you own their music on CD/vinyl/ect?

yes. lol

What do they or their music mean to you?

Um, well. I don’t really know how to explain it? He’s just very important to my existence. Has been for a long time.

Do you ship them with anyone?

Ayda of course! And not gonna lie, Gary too.

Have you got a crush on them?

Hell yeah!

Would you pay 200$ for a front row ticket?

yes lmao

Have you ever gone to another country to see them live?

Nooo but perhaps one day lol

Do you get annoyed when other people don’t like them?

I get annoyed if they DISRESPECT him. If they don’t like his music or whatever that’s fine, people have different tastes. it’s just the people who say bullshit about him that I can’t stand.

Which artist do you want them to collaborate with?

Adele would be kinda great since they’re friends? Brian Molko. HIM TO BE WITH TAKE THAT AGAIN. um...so many people. lol

Are they underappreciated/unknown?

in the USA, yes. lol

Is there a song of them that everybody likes but you dislike?

nahh

Do people think you are too obsessed with the artist?

probably but i don’t really care that’s just who i am as a person

Do you preorder their new albums without having heard any music from it?

yeah, of course lol. I pre-ordered the last one like, before it even had an official release date. lmao

How did you get into them?

I just did? idk. hahahaha i was too young for me to really remember! partly because of my sister!

tagging: @getbuckylucky @jerrylevitch

#about me #music #robbie

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alkcomics · 6 years

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Only since @lucyinbookland tagged me <3

Not tagging anyone but feel free to do at your own pleasure

NAME: Alan

GENDER: is a social construct government conspiracy

⭐ SIGN: Sagittarius (my birthday’s on Thursday, actually)

HEIGHT: I’m going to put 5′1″ but we all know that’s a lie

MIDDLE NAME: Louis, I guess

PUT YOUR ITUNES ON SHUFFLE. WHAT ARE THE FIRST 6 SONGS THAT POPPED UP?

1. Carballessas - Milladoiro (lol @thegorgonist)

2. Bedside Table - Bedhead (this is on my F-ST playlist)

3. Exodus (Noah’s Ark 2001) - Boney M. (have you got your daily dose of Afro-futurist disco yet?)

4. The Body and the Brain - The New Trust (not my favorite song by them, but honestly: what a good opening lyric)

5. The Flowing Bowl / Maire Breathach’s #1 / The Doon / The Mason’s Men - Solas (I listen to and play a lot of Irish fiddle tunes)

6. Push the Eagle’s Stomach - Man Man (I think they sprung from Danny Elfman’s forehead)

GRAB THE 📓 NEAREST TO YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17?

"while away the waiting. Independent of what happens and what”

is line 17, but the full sentences are much better:

“I would like my life to leave after it no other murmur than that of a watchman’s song, of a song to while away the waiting. Independent of what happens and what does not happen, the wait itself is magnificent.”

Alain Badiou quoting Mary Ann Caws’ translation of André Breton’s Mad Love in The Century, which I keep on my desk at work to read when I feel the oppression of the office environment crushing my skull.

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU?

Don’t think so but boy howdy have I written more than my fair share of bad songs/poetry about other people.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR 🎸?

I’m more of a headbanging sorta’ guy.

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH?

Everyone on the desimalemodels Tumblr blog hot damb

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE?

Yelling; babytalk

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? HOW ABOUT ALIENS?

”Believe” is an interesting word. I don’t believe in the sense that I think they are real, but I do believe in that I like to entertain the idea at certain times to make the world a more whimsical place. A friend in high school read my palm once, and she told me that I was a “new soul” -- one that had no previous incarnations. I don’t necessarily believe in any truth in palmistry, but I like to entertain the idea that what she said about me is true sometimes because it is an interesting way to look at the world around me.

DO YOU DRIVE? IF SO HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED?

Yes. Nope.

Well. Speaking of Irish fiddle tunes...

The day before my license test, I was backing up (<5mph) to leave my teacher’s house after my violin lesson and lightly bumped the bumper of the next student’s pickup, the nose of which was peeking into the driveway. No harm done to the pickup, but the family minivan (now RIP I think?) got an absurdly large dent in the back from it.

WHAT WAS THE LAST 📓 YOU READ?

Professing Selves: Transsexuality and Same-Sex Desire in Contemporary Iran (Experimental Futures) by Afsaneh Najmabadi. Really interesting anthropological look that tries to not project Western notions of gender and sexuality on traditional or contemporary Iranian culture.

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF PETROL?

*Petrichor, and yes

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?

Suspiria -- which I’m seeing on Friday at the Northwest Film Center uncut in 35mm. SO. STOKED.

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD?

I mountain biked down the Great Divide for ~3000 miles and didn’t even get a flat tire. A few days after I came home, I biked solo up Dog Valley Rd. to Crystal Peak to mine some shiny quartz crystals (because fuck yeah, dude). Dog Valley Rd. is very pitted and rocky in places and a bit steep -- I’ve got no need for speed, so I was riding my breaks the whole way down after my expedition. Even so, at about 15mph the rocks jostled my gear enough to throw the bag from my anything cage into my front wheel. I went endo and landed hard on my drawing-arm elbow, getting a cm-deep incision from a rock in there. I sustained no nerve damage (FUCKING luckily -- this was two weeks before I was going to launch F-ST, and I was about a millimeter away from never being able to draw again) and really, the scar’s not even that cool.

But I did get some shiny crystals!

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW?

I can’t stop listening to 16 Horsepower, specifically the song “For Heaven’s Sake.” This band has a bit too much Jesus going on for my usual tastes, but I get real devil-posessed-streetcorner-preacher-in-a-fuckdup-supernatural -Southern-Gothic-setting vibes from them that keep me going. Anyway, “For Heaven’s Sake” is basically “a guy gave me a boner but that’s bad so now I’m just Gay For Jesus(TM)” and you can’t tell me otherwise. Also, at ~3:06 in that track, David Eugene Edwards does the best fucking Brian Molko impression saying the lyric “he’s my high heaven.” Coincidence? I think not.

ALSO, this rad 80s song by Indochine about being gender non-conforming: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWtiCRntA-E (@thegorgonist do you know this one??)

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST ANYONE WHOSE DONE YOU WRONG?

*Who’s, and that’s not my style. I prefer to write thinly-veiled ~600 page sci-fi horror comics about them where they’re actually the good guy and I’m not involved in the plot at all.

Sigh.

IN A RELATIONSHIP?

Yes’m

#and he graciously listens to me rant about my 16 Horsepower obsession/conspiracy theories #feanwijfenjwfneuwafnaew fepuaiafewpu #F EAW FJEWAJOPWAFJ AW #I just found out they wrote a song with Noir Desir and mFAENKFLEW FWA #synchronisity man #makes the world a more whimsical place

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deadspaceaus · 7 years

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Deadspace - Interview with Chris - Afterlife Zine

https://www.facebook.com/afterlifezine/

DEADSPACE INTERVIEW

By Ricardo Rengifo

"THE WAY I VIEW THE WORLD IS LIKE A MASSIVE CANVAS"

What's the meaning of a Deadspace? A place where you find solace or a place where chaos rules supreme but you still feel that tranquility to come back over and over again to that "place", the first time I heard this band it was spellbinding and epic at the same time, layers and layers of sounds painting the perfect picture, envisioning this band is like looking into a glass mirror and you will see the beast of what Deadspace is made of, Afterlife caught up with Chris Gebauer to find out what's inside his mind and how much Deadspace means for him.

Through the bleak moments and the madness that goes in between or viceversa, how deep you get involved within yourself to make Deadspace an entity upon others?

Deadspace for me has always been deeply personal. An emotional, almost spiritual beast in which I have allowed myself to absolutely lose control as a human being. For me it is the child within. Angry, tortured, disobedient but pure. Then the other members came into the picture. I think it’s ridiculous to say that they draw the exact same purpose from the energy that is Deadspace. In saying that, I don’t believe anyone will every understand it like I do because the inner workings reflect differently to people closely involved. But I can certainly say I 100% feel like the energy burns infinitely harder when we’re together as a unit. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why… but it is a feeling I live for every day.

This is what we offer to our fans and loved one. This is a haven where you will not be judged or cast away for your lunacy. We consider it so that every Deadspace show is a surreal experience for all involved.

Can you describe the first time you fell in love with music?

Well that depends on what aspect of music we’re talking about. But here is a theory I have previously held value to, encompassing the idea of growth.

From a very young age I was always fascinated with how a good song would reflect on an entire room of people and fuel an ambience. This was the first step for me, falling in love with how music could make you feel.

Then as a more dissociative being, I became obsessed with the ability to disappear into music and to feel nothing. It was like a drug. I could put on a record and just disappear for as long as I needed. This is most likely where my love for post rock and severely heroin influenced stuff NIN stemmed from.

Then I hit my teens and I got angry. I wanted to see people willing to destroy themselves for art. For some obscure reason I really put emphasis on this (and still do). I wanted to see Manson kick in speakers, I wanted to see Reznor fuck his keyboard and smash shit with hammers and the idea of people like Kvarforth and Carlsson covering stages in blood was neurotically exciting.

You take these 3 moods and then you apply them to a day of Melbourne weather. All 3 feelings, about 5 times a day. It’s a mess, music has become the only thing that drives me insane and keeps me together at the same time.

In your formative years as a musician can you name a record or records that shaped your musical direction and why?

First of all, I’d encourage the idea of perhaps the ‘formative’ years still being in progress. Some albums that have seriously influences me as an artist are:

Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals: This record blue me out because it had an overwhelming sadness to it while still being heavy and the vocal delivery feels very honest.

Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile: This record just speaks for itself.

Placebo - Without You I’m Nothing: I just don’t know another vocalist doing anything even close to Molko in so many aspects. I love the version of the title track on this with Bowie also. Beautiful. Anything Placebo is in my favourites.

Jeff Buckley - Grace: My all time favourite favourite record. Jeff was, in my opinion, one of the greatest souls that ever lived and his voice will forever be untouchable.

That’s just me, the other guys have their own tastes but this is my personal standpoint.

As an artist and performer how important it is for you to give your audience an endless memory by them saying "that was intense"?

Absolutely imperative although it’s not a challenge at all, it’s a given. Majority of shows we play, it takes me about 15 minutes to remember how to breathe after. Everyone gives it everything they’ve got and I think that’s the beauty about being on stage. We’re all 100% emotionally invested in each others crafts and we could be on a stage we’ve never been on before and it feels like home.

I was blown away by the violent way you can crate music but at the same time there is beautiful moments in there, how important is to have band members that share your same point of views in a musical way?

I think not as such same points of view, but members with eclectic and unique points of view, working together towards the same idea. The light and dark shades are reflective to life in general and I’d say these things being clear in our music is a reflexion of honesty. Honesty with ourselves, each other and our music/audience.

What is your thought in the current music business, how much effort a band have to put into to be heard and to have some sort of success?

With anything, success if all conjecture. It’s a self established goal and the idea of succeeding in regards to your personal values. So in my opinion, we are successful. This is enough for me right now.

Your last release "Gravity" in my opinion is an opus, it feels like a life journey, how much input did everyone contributed to make this record a master of it's own?

Gravity was really just a little concept I was playing with at the time. I really wanted to get something strong out as a unit with our solid lineup. The concept is really quite observational and brutal in nature. Basically summing up the idea of birth, life, death and rebirth as transitional inevitabilities. The character takes form of a narrator, living inside a soul that is enduring and learning such fate. All members came together to create the piece. Whether it be shared duties recording piano parts or just handling their own instruments parts. Finally, Nish mixed and mastered the fucker, which was a massive learning curve for everybody I’d say. We’re all growing into the strongest versions of ourselves.

Chris your lyrics are just something that a lot of people can relate too, what makes you write such as strong and dark but at the same time meaningful, what sort of message are you trying to deliver?

I’ve always been a person that values truth and honesty over diplomacy. I just say it how it is and try not to fabricate complexity by adding superfluous vocabulary. The idea of my lyrics is to stimulate the senses. Either in a visual way or a nostalgic feeling that makes you feel alive. That’s for this record anyway. Truth be told, It all gets spat out on a piece of paper without any thought. Then when I wake up in a different mind state, I refine it so it still makes sense. Sometimes you’re feeling something so passionately that the actual words hold no meaning and need a second look.

Who were your main inspirations to write and put lyrics together?

I’ve always written, even as a child. I guess it’s always been something that nobody could ever take away from me and thusly has been a gift I’ve held dear for some time. To be frank, as many inspirational people as their are out there. My writing is on its own journey. I don’t want to say things other people have already said, no matter how amazing the sentiment may be. I’m very good at disturbing people’s beliefs and thoughts, not deliberately, but I love the idea of everything I’ve ever ‘known’ to be turned upside down. I’m also very bad at being certain about things. I’m not a logical person and the idea of certainty/stability bore me beyond belief.

The last song on Gravity has that spoken word at the end of the song and the part that strike me the most was when the narrator said "if you have any possessions, give it all away" what is the message you are trying to send across?

“Don’t cling to things”, don’t hold on to what you know or what you think you have, it’s going to change and one day go away.

But please note: with Gravity is was never intended to be a solid message for people. It’s just food for thought. It’s a personal reflection and I’m not by any means saying ‘live your life like this’. It’s just insight into where I was at that point in time.

Let's deviate a bit from the music side and let's talk about your views about society in general, is this a better world to live in?

Better than what? It’s the only world we have. It’s full of pain, suffering, joy, love, loss…

The way I view the world is like a massive canvas. There’s paint everywhere but not all aspects of the peace are going to be the colours or shapes that you can relate to. I’m not entirely sure whether I see it like this because I’m a coward and need to take a back seat or if it’s just my place in society to think like this. As far as I can tell I’m not hurting anybody and hopefully actually bringing a few people up (lets not kid ourselves though).

This being said, everybody has their own struggles. A lot of mine are internal and health based. I have a good family, a house I’m welcome in, I’ve travelled extensively. These inner issues provide me with some challenges but they also make me get up every day and want to do something with it. I think for someone with a different genetic make up, the challenges would be elsewhere, inviting them to see the world in a different light.

Also apart from creating music you love photography, how much inner peace you found when you see something that you want to capture and show it to the world?

It just depends where I am at a certain point in time. Sometimes the beauty is just too fucking beautiful to capture in any generic forms of art. If I didn’t have to work I would definitely live behind my camera by day and in a studio writing music at night. This would be incredible but for now I view the day job as earning my keep so I can continue to explore.

Would you "compromise" and make your music more accessible so it can be heard by a bigger audience or this is something that has never crossed your mind?

Not deliberately. But I don’t really see us as a severely underground or inaccessible band. Most of the inspiration comes from melody and the rhythmic aspects are not necessarily difficult to digest. We build our audience by emotionally connecting with them. And that’s what we’ll continue to do through our music and lives in general. The sounds will only change to facilitate getting out how we feel within the foundation of our musical integrity.

The balance between all your records are very different but still keeping the Deadspace sound, would it be major changes for the next record?

Exactly what I was saying before. Nish has grown as a producer, we’ve all grown as musicians. My voice is more of a reflection of where I am right now. We have new ideas on tones, new ideas on what is ‘us’ in general. The production on our split is a lot cleaner, the low end has been handled in a much more experienced way. I also tracked my vocals in a studio with a producer, mainly as a confidence boost as they are very defined compared to beforehand.

Thanks Chris for your answers, final question, what do you expect from 2017 and onwards?

I expect the world to keep orbiting the sun. I expect people to be people. Some will be born, some will die. One man will drink alone every night until he shoots himself, another with start a multi million dollar company and live on materialistic happiness until he loses a house in a divorce.

For us, I expect that we keep doing what we’re doing. Making noise, meeting amazing people, playing amazing shows and expanding our handprint on the world bit by bit.

Gravity is out now on Deadspace bandcamp

www.deadspacecollective.bandcamp.com www.deadspace.com.au

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arabellaflynn · 7 years

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Weekly Watch: Brian Molko Interview

Yes, I can be obsessive. Hush.

youtube

I thought this was a particularly interesting watch, because it's by far the most relaxed interview I've ever seen Molko do. The lady doing the interview, Emma Blackery, isn't a journalist -- she's a YouTube face. She has a lifestyle channel and a personal vlog, and has had some minor success as a musician. I have no idea how she ended up talking with them, but given that she's a screaming fan of theirs and her accent is local to the studio where the broadcast they're promoting is being filmed, it was probably a matter of being in the right place at the right time, and remembering to answer her email. Blackery's lack of experience is relevant here because it means she doesn't actually know what her job is. She's so new, she thinks she's supposed to go have a conversation with the famous person. You can get away with that if you're interviewing someone for a magazine -- you can go down the pub and have a couple of drinks and chat, because you have the luxury of editing the piece later. You can snip out any weird tangents and make sure nothing you think or say gets in the way of the artist profile you're supposed to be doing. And, indeed, writers have gotten some pretty decent stuff out of Molko in the past, probably by doing just that. I can't see his reactions in print, mind, but he at least says interesting things to print journos sometimes. Interviewing someone on camera is different. Especially if you're not Barbara Walters, with the advantage of a multi-camera setup that can facilitate some selective jump cuts when you snip for time and content. Most of the on-camera interviews Molko does for TV are brief affairs that happen backstage or on the red carpet on the way to some sort of public appearance, either one of their shows or some kind of awards thing. He tends to sort of ramble aimlessly, especially so when he's alone or his bandmates don't really have any comments of their own, and he's the only one who's been handed a mic. I suspect I know why: It's because professional entertainment journalists know their job is to read a question off their card and then stand there like a human channel bug while the artist talks. It's difficult to tell with a lot of the typical camera angles, but I have a feeling they just sit there, staring at him with a sort of blankly-attentive look while he makes noises. Molko has a habit of slowing like he might be winding down a bit, but then picking back up and adding another clause, which is not how he sounds when he has an actual long and complex thought that he wants to complete -- I think what's happening is that he's trying to read the interviewer's reaction ("Is that good? Is it the answer you wanted? Am I done now?") and they're giving him nothing to go on. It drives him bonkers. Blackery has absolutely no idea what she's doing and really just wants to have a chat with someone whose work she likes very much. She's got cards with questions on them, but she seems to only use them as prompts, to keep things from getting sidetracked. The whole thing is done in a very conversational cadence -- you'll notice she's not afraid to interject when she has something else she wants to say or ask. It's a perfectly normal turn-taking strategy in ordinary conversations, but it's almost never used in formal on-camera interviews. She also doesn't simply stare at him while he answers things. He's one of those people whose eyes flicker all over the place when he's trying to get words together, and there's tremendous pressure not to do that when someone else is boring holes in you with their gaze. (I wouldn't be surprised if that's one of the reasons he often does these things with his sunglasses on. It takes a remarkable amount of effort to police your eyelines, and it's less awkward to give up on it if no one can tell where you're looking.) Being a fan, she also isn't taken aback when his mind goes for a couple of brief splashes in the gutter -- as far as I can tell, that's just how his brain works and he never means anything personal by it, but other people are occasionally unprepared. Molko actually asks her a couple of questions about vlogging in the middle, which she answers with great aplomb, after teasing him about turning the interview around on her. They talk over each other when getting nostalgic over the various entertaining failure modes of cassette tapes. He's smiling through most of it. Genuinely. He almost never does that. Not that Molko's bad about press -- he learned his lesson young, after his 25-year-old loudmouth self made a couple of wiseass comments that he will never live down -- but for the most part it's pretty clear that he considers these things to be polite but distant interaction with a stranger. Not so here. You get a much better idea of how he can be engaging with an audience in real life. She seems to be something of a friend now. I'm not entirely sure who has control of the official Twitter account; undoubtedly there is an intern queuing up all of the posts about tickets going on sale, but the occasional raw comment slips through, so there must be a human with an iPhone in the signal chain somewhere. (Molko claims to not use social media, although he does occasionally prod a public Spotify playlist. Olsdal seems to have a Twitter/Instagram.) But whoever it is still knows and recognizes Emma Blackery's name, and retweets her @-mentions regularly. from Blogger http://ift.tt/2k3xRWM via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

#IFTTT #Blogger #Unsolicited Advice

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kentkennyradcliffe · 4 years

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March 15th, 2011

I am not using Tumblr like I did last year. Instead of reclogging a bunch of pictures and writing a few feelings out, I am using this as my planner. I always have plans and goals, so I figured why not share them with people? This way people can know what goes on in my life, without all the drama or feelings associated with it. I don't like hearing others whine, so I'm cutting out all that from my blog. I want this blog to be direct and to the point.

But before I can do that, I think it's only fair that I fill in the gaps from January to March that led me to this new blog:

I started my old blog for one reason: To get over some obstacles that I felt were holding me back. My ex's, my addictions, my parents, my sexuality, my religion... I was very confused and upset and lost. It took awhile for me to figure out who I was, and it did not make sense for me until one day in February I woke up and everything made sense. I stopped feeling sad about the past, I looked at myself in the mirror and felt good about myself, and I felt happy. It was a shock to feel happy without having a friend around or some weed to get my mood up. It was as if the depression left in a dream and I woke up a new person.

After that day, I have been on this high and I don't want to come down. I have been smoking weed every day, sometimes up to 6 times a day, with Kyme and Claire mostly, or by myself. It was very fun at first, but now I feel like it's too much. The first time we smoked was at my house. Kyme brought her gay friend Nick (who happens to have the exact same birthday as me: April 26th 1991.) and we listened to Danger Days in Kymes car. I was obsessed with the song Destroya, and when you are high, it is so much better. Then we watched Tommy. It was very spiritual for me, almost like a revelation. I was inspired to write a script. I actually had to write a script for my scriptwriting class, but Tommy gave me the creative spark to write. That day was a breakthrough for me, because I had my first new goal: to write a script. Kyme and Claire are going to be my actors and hopefully it will get me noticed in school. I know I have the talent; I just must use it.

The next big step for me was talking to a boy named Cameron who lived about 30 mins away from me. He liked to smoke, and listed to new hardcore, and had gauges. He was everything I liked, but he was slightly chubby. I used to be so picky about who I dated, which is why I have only have had 2 serious relationships. Everyone I dated in high school does not count. We "dated" for like a week, and then I lost interest. It was the first time I lost interest in someone. Usually the other person loses interest first, but this time I was the one who had to break it off. I realized then that people can lose interest easily, and it is not necessarily because the other person did something wrong. I had to explain to Cameron what happened, and he understood. I told him about my past with relationships and how I am not good in them, and about how I am still discovering what I like. I see my sexuality as fluid. I can go from liking boys for awhile, to liking girls, but never at the same time. Right now I feel like I am asexual, because I am not interested in sex or dating. For the first time in my life, I am happy being single.

Sometimes I miss being in a relationship, but I realized I was never in love with the people I dated. I was in love with an idea, fabricated by songs I grew up with, from the movies I saw, and from longing for a soul mate, when they just wanted sex or some fun. I would get emotionally attached and obsess over them and need to be around them all the time. I had no love for myself so I tried to find someone who could love me instead. I spent my time finding people who could fix my heart, when I should have been working on myself.

When I had that day of revelation, I spent the last days of February learning how to love myself and not put so much pressure on my friends. The downside to this was that I stopped caring about others for while, in the sense that I didn't want a boyfriend or girlfriend. Cameron didn't get to date me like he wanted to. I stopped talking to Jonathan as much. I closed my old Tumblr and left a lot of people who thought we were best friends in the dust. I deactivated my Facebook for a while. I completely shut out anyone that I could not see in real life every day. That's when Kyme and Claire became so important in my life. I wanted them to become friends with each other, so all three of us could hang out together. Now we are a group and I love it.

I know I am much happier now. I like spending time with Kyme most of all, because she puts me in a good mood without doing anything. She is fun, confident, diverse, smart, has talent, and knows fashion. I haven’t' had a friend like her since I was 15. It's giving me a reason to get back into fashion and music and art. I got so lost in my own world of music and fashion that I forgot about the world. I like living in the world and staying on top of it. Kyme is one of those girls who could own the world with her voice and talent, I've seen only a small part of it, but I can tell she has the right stuff. I want to be on her level again. I can get there but it will take awhile for me because I have so much to learn. I have the talent, I just have to improve it and hone my skills.

I have always wanted to be a singer, not like a pop singer, but like a front man in a band. I practice singing to songs by AFI, MCR, 30 Seconds to Mars, Placebo, Tegan and Sara, David Bowie, Morrissey, Lady Gaga, Old Chiodos, D.R.U.G.S., Pierce the Veil, A Day to Remember, Asking Alexandria, Eurythmics, etc.... I want to combine hardcore with electronic and have pop hooks like MCR, and have a theme like Lady Gaga, and lyrics like Morrissey, and look like Craig Owens mixed with Brian Molko. But this is something I have to work on. I am far from ready.

I have so much I still need to improve about myself. I have finally fixed the internal conflict inside of me, so now I have to work on the external. My look needs a serious revamp.

The first thing is my body. I'm forcing myself to work out, no matter how painful it is. Yesterday I ran for about 15 minutes, then did a workout in my men's health book. I want to get my abs tight and smooth, because right now I have a small pudge. I think it's because I ate so much when I would smoke, and I didn't work out for a month. But now I am eating better and drinking protein shakes and working out again. I have all the right stuff; I just have not used it in awhile...

The other thing I need to work on is my hair. I fucked it up during the winter, so I had it cut razor short and have been letting it grow back out since January. Right now, my hair is to my eyes and the sides and back are about 2 inches. I have a plan for it, but it has to get longer.

Once I have the body and hair I want, I will feel even more confident. I am saving up some money to spend on new clothes, since my wardrobe is outdated. I spent $200 on new clothes over the weekend. I bought a dark green military style jacket with a fur hood from forever 21 (there is a men's department now in the mall), some rude fit skinny jeans from hot topic, and some skate shoes from kohls. I shopped online at interpunk and hot topic and bought A Day To Remember shirt that has snow white wrapped up by worms coming out of an apple, a MCR shirt with an eyeball on it that says galactic destroya, a Pierce the Veil shirt that says the band’s name in stitches, black thermals with Miss May I, Attack Attack, and Lady Gaga on each one, a black vest that has a furry hood on it, a grey Bennie with studs on the front, and matching fingerless gloves. I am going for a mix between hardcore and indie. I still have lots of clothes I can match with these new clothes, like my plaid button ups, and my skinny jeans, and my wide collection of hoodies and hats. But I am getting rid of outdated stuff.

By the summer, I should have everything going for me. If not, then I will keep working on myself. I'm always a work in progress anyway.

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bluebronzemoon · 7 years

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‘Cause there’s nothing else to do

I know people will get tired of me very soon if I keep on tweeting about Molko every goddamn second. So I’m here to vomit it all.

I feel it all over again, you know? I feel exactly like several years ago, when I was 16 and I fell madly in love with Molko. Borderline obsessed, with a lot of blood and tears involved: I used to keep this little notebook/journal (I still have it, hidden somewhere) where I spilled everything I felt for him. From drawings to entire pages of desperate words, and yes, I was THAT kind of pathetic fan who I cut her skin and wrote his name with blood. What I had was a very unhealthy admiration/crush.

Eventually, I stopped doing it, mostly because I had to keep my feet on the ground, and started a relationship, so I forced myself to stop.

The fact is... Sometimes... I feel I’m still pretty much in love with him. And even my partner says that I love Molko more than I love her, which is not true, but to be honest, it feels so intense that I even doubt it. Damn, that makes me a horrible person, right?

These days have been intense. This City is guarantee of madness, and the last 2 gigs were no exception. A lot of people pushing, screaming, all of them ecstatic, singing and shouting, like if those were the last hours of our lives. When you live in a place where rush and stress is a daily thing, you get used to it and you even learn to enjoy it. Of course I got bruises of being in front row, I was sweating like if I climbed a mountain, but I would do it again, just to see Molko’s eyes watching us astonished, as if he couldn’t believe that the people in the venue, with its 7 thousand 700 people, were screaming at them. I would be right there again, to not miss a single movement, word, breath, laugh, smile, note, chord, riff... Not for a damn thing in this world. The Placebo 20 gig was emotional, nostalgic and perfect in every sense.

I don’t know who to blame for my insanity intensity. All I know is that I have him stuck in my head, just like when I was younger. I think of him all the time, and I can’t stop listening to their songs. When I remember the gigs, I feel like crying because it was over so fast... I feel a little desperate because he’s nowhere to be found, and I feel stupid, because I know I’m not being realistic, that he’s just a musician, and that’s all. But I’ve been so fucking stuck with him that it’s easy to say, but hard to let go. And every time they come back to Mexico, I genuinely suffer, because, once again, he’s gone, and the time to see him again is uncertain.

Depeche Mode’s song Come Back is EXACTLY how I feel. This reminds me that I have a friend who says that when she listens to #1 Crush of Garbage, she imagines me singing it to Molko. Well, she’s not that wrong I guess.

I’m sorry for all of this. I know I may annoy some people... But I feel the need to vomit it right away, because my heart hurts, and it will hurt for a long time. They left today... And once again, he’s away from me; he’s closer just in my mind. The impossible, stupidest, shameful, regretful thoughts of having him next to me... The thoughts of a foolish 16-year-old. Because, I’m feeling it all over again, y’know? And I’m ashamed...

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deadspaceaus · 7 years

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Interview with Chris

Through the bleak moments and the madness that goes in between or viceversa, how deep you get involved within yourself to make Deadspace an entity upon others?

Can you describe the first time you fell in love with music?

Well that depends on what aspect of music we’re talking about. But here is a theory I have previously held value to, encompassing the idea of growth. From a very young age I was always fascinated with how a good song would reflect on an entire room of people and fuel an ambience. This was the first step for me, falling in love with how music could make you feel. Then as a more dissociative being, I became obsessed with the ability to disappear into music and to feel nothing. It was like a drug. I could put on a record and just disappear for as long as I needed. This is most likely where my love for post rock and severely heroin influenced stuff NIN stemmed from.Then I hit my teens and I got angry. I wanted to see people willing to destroy themselves for art. For some obscure reason I really put emphasis on this (and still do). I wanted to see Manson kick in speakers, I wanted to see Reznor fuck his keyboard and smash shit with hammers and the idea of people like Kvarforth and Carlsson covering stages in blood was neurotically exciting.You take these 3 moods and then you apply them to a day of Melbourne weather. All 3 feelings, about 5 times a day. It’s a mess, music has become the only thing that drives me insane and keeps me together at the same time.

In your formative years as a musician can you name a record or records that shaped your musical direction and why?

First of all, I’d encourage the idea of perhaps the ‘formative’ years still being in progress. Some albums that have seriously influences me as an artist are: Marilyn Manson - Mechanical Animals: This record blue me out because it had an overwhelming sadness to it while still being heavy and the vocal delivery feels very honest. Nine Inch Nails - The Fragile: This record just speaks for itself. Placebo - Without You I’m Nothing: I just don’t know another vocalist doing anything even close to Molko in so many aspects. I love the version of the title track on this with Bowie also. Beautiful. Anything Placebo is in my favourites. Jeff Buckley - Grace: My all time favourite favourite record. Jeff was, in my opinion, one of the greatest souls that ever lived and his voice will forever be untouchable. That’s just me, the other guys have their own tastes but this is my personal standpoint.

As an artist and performer how important it is for you to give your audience an endless memory by them saying "that was intense"?

What is your thought in the current music business, how much effort a band have to put into to be heard and to have some sort of success?

Well you’re not going to put together anything like what we’re doing and earn a living off it in this country. The business side of things has always taken a backseat with us. In saying that, it’s important to a certain extent but we’re definitely (at this point anyway) travelling around, making friends and building up a strong/loyal community in which we would like to share this experience with. With anything, success if all conjecture. It’s a self established goal and the idea of succeeding in regards to your personal values. So in my opinion, we are successful. This is enough for me right now.

Your last release "Gravity" in my opinion is an opus, it feels like a life journey, how much input did everyone contributed to make this record a master of it's own?

Chris your lyrics are just something that a lot of people can relate too, what makes you write such as strong and dark but at the same time meaningful, what sort of message are you trying to deliver?

Who were your main inspirations to write and put lyrics together?

Well the whole idea of Rebirth was to throw a curveball. Birth, Life, Death - these things are certain. Rebirth is a concept dreamed up by humans, for humans. This is the shit that keeps life interesting. A lot of people don’t recognise this either that it’s actually the uncertainty that keeps their minds and souls alive. So who better than Alan Watts and his own words of wisdom to add the element of conjecture and ‘certainty in uncertainty’. “Don’t cling to things”, don’t hold on to what you know or what you think you have, it’s going to change and one day go away. But please note: with Gravity is was never intended to be a solid message for people. It’s just food for thought. It’s a personal reflection and I’m not by any means saying ‘live your life like this’. It’s just insight into where I was at that point in time.

Let's deviate a bit from the music side and let's talk about your views about society in general, is this a better world to live in?

Better than what? It’s the only world we have. It’s full of pain, suffering, joy, love, loss… The way I view the world is like a massive canvas. There’s paint everywhere but not all aspects of the peace are going to be the colours or shapes that you can relate to. I’m not entirely sure whether I see it like this because I’m a coward and need to take a back seat or if it’s just my place in society to think like this. As far as I can tell I’m not hurting anybody and hopefully actually bringing a few people up (lets not kid ourselves though). This being said, everybody has their own struggles. A lot of mine are internal and health based. I have a good family, a house I’m welcome in, I’ve travelled extensively. These inner issues provide me with some challenges but they also make me get up every day and want to do something with it. I think for someone with a different genetic make up, the challenges would be elsewhere, inviting them to see the world in a different light.

Also apart from creating music you love photography, how much inner peace you found when you see something that you want to capture and show it to the world?

Would you "compromise" and make your music more accessible so it can be heard by a bigger audience or this is something that has never crossed your mind?

The balance between all your records are very different but still keeping the Deadspace sound, would it be major changes for the next record?

Thanks Chris for your answers, final question, what do you expect from 2017 and onwards?

For us, I expect that we keep doing what we’re doing. Making noise, meeting amazing people, playing amazing shows and expanding our handprint on the world bit by bit.

#deadspaceaus #deadspaceband #blackmetal #gothrock #australianband

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