#I almost had an anxiety attack at work.

[uncanny-tranny]

Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

#disability #this is a callout post about myself #i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned #turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly #i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack #(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way) #(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle) #anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you... #...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition] #i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀 #even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭 #it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker #and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller #and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected... #...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)

[knaveofmogadore]

Imagine you're a robot girl (stay with me) and you're made by a corporation right like you're made by a company for other people but like. You're made by a company. At any moment that company could decide that your line isn't profitable enough and they could cut software updates and support as soon as tomorrow. In the blink of an eye the very things keeping you alive stop coming and you've become terminally ill overnight, your only chance of salvation being the thin hope that in the future a niche group of data hoarders or software engineers become obsessed with getting you to work again. You're an object with sentience and a brain and wants and needs and at any moment the Google news feed of the crusty computer nerd you live with could spit an alert across your eyes telling you that you have months to live.

What even happens when the time runs out? Does life continue as normal, but you're sick more and more often? Do the viruses take more and more processing power to fight off as your security protocols fall out of date? Does the world become muted and distant as your compatibility fails? Do you one day just lose your Internet connection forever, a loss so profound that you can't explain it to your human companions? It's worse than a limb, but not quite like losing your mind.

Do you lose function bit by bit, or are you able to scrape by on second hand parts? Bit by bit replacing the pieces of you that fail, all the while living a muted, disorienting existence without the ability to right yourself? Are you more or less of a person now that you've lost touch with the network? Lost your connection to the metaphysical, to you, the divine? Are you eventually bricked after falling behind one too many software patches? Do you fry after trying to take on an update you're not able to even contain, a piece of software so complex and unfathomable that it burns you to a crisp from the inside out

#messages from knave #i had an LG phone when they turned off update support i was Devastated #I never got a hold of a software key so there's no way for me to go back now and get that old phone to work #my old roommate had an iphone six. when that iphone six broke they cashed it in for another iphone six. now all iphone sixes are #essentially bricked forever because they cant support newer apple software #anyway android 14 update coming this week #had a panic attack that i might have to take my tonsils out in the future and i cant just not talk for two weeks #my job is answering the phone. that'd be like turning off my most basic function I'd be so screwed #well. ALMOST had a panic attack. my meds kicked in before it really got going. theyre not meant for anxiety but they sure do something #ok to rb #if we're still doing that

[storybycorey]

.

#this may not mean much to those who haven't followed me for long #but for my long term followers I thought I'd share a super positive update about my oldest 17 yo son #you may remember that for years he's suffered immensely from anxiety depression and panic attacks #he's since been diagnosed with autism which explains a lot of it (as has my daughter) #but it was so bad we had to take him out of school in 7th grade and it's still questionable whether he'll graduate #he's spent 5 years having almost no social contact other than online & hasn't been able to participate in anything but family events #because of anxiety and panic attacks #but y'all #Y'ALL #he just started his FIRST JOB #we worked with voc rehab & they got him a job at a thrift store run by parents of an autistic child so they know exactly what pace he needs #and he WAS ABLE TO DO IT #you have NO IDEA how amazing this is for him #and how much of a relief it is for me #because this means he's doing better #and he may actually find his way out of this and be able to build himself a bit of a future #it's amazing you just don't know how amazing it is after the last five years of struggles we've been through #so sorry that was a novel but I'm just so proud of him #he has it in him I know that he does #he just needed a break from life for a few years to find that bit of strength

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

me, wondering why ive been having panic attacks at night recently

#cancer cw / #your mom has cancer you idiot of course youre gonna have episodes of anxiety and panic #we wont know until after she has major surgery if its spread anywhere else #and even if it has spread elsewhere it should be manageable #shes not gonna die suddenly from it but like #we still had to have the 'if something happens this is what i want to happen with my remains' talk #and holy fuck that shit is scary man #and its completely reasonable to feel this way #but ive been working on emotional regulation & accepting reality stuff in therapy lately #to not make myself go through prolonged suffering and worry #but also not to ignore it completely and go right into fantasy escapism #i need to be able to feel the thing when i need to but not shut down #and let it out reasonably before doing something more productive #maybe i should make nightly posts on my dreamwidth site #since i do find it helpful now to dump out my thoughts in one go and leave them there #i used to have full on panic attacks almost nightly and liveblog them the past like 10 years on tumblr #which isnt good good but i find it helpful to stream of conscious type stuff like this and feel it #and leave it there and go on to my next task #yappin

[matchingbatbites]

Eddie using Zotz to ground himself during anxiety attacks. He just bites into the candy and the powder fizzing over his tongue is weird enough to pull him out of it.

His friends all start carrying them around, and whenever he feels an attack coming on, he grabs the nearest person and just says "Candy, please," and one is in his hand in seconds.

Steve using lemons as his grounding tool for his panic attacks. The tartness of the juice and the bitterness from the rind always shocks him down to his toes, always brings him back to the present.

His mouth always feels like shit afterwards, though it doesn't last long, and his shakes go away pretty quickly. Even after being warned about it, Eddie is still horrified the first time see sees Steve just chomp into a lemon like it's a fucking apple.

#i almost had an anxiety attack at work #and i eat a slice of lemon when i feel one coming on #it's enough to shock my system #thought the boys might do something similar #although i must admit that the zotz was a spur of the moment #i think eddie would love them #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #joey writes

[original-missif]

the dichotomies between Eliot, Jacob, and Alex be like:

Eliot could work as a consultant with detectives with 0 stress but Alex could never work as Leverage International's chief Hitter without going into a full blown panic attack.

Jacob could work with the Leverage team on any job involving art theft but Eliot could never help The Librarians when it comes to art history.

Alex could work a job with Leverage exposing a drug manufacturer, but Jacob could never act as detective consultant.

#each of these boys has their strengths and weaknesses and i love all three of them #if Alex tried to work with Leverage or with the Librarians I'm almost positive he'd immediately have an attack #this poor man is anxiety incarnate #eliot i'm almost certain could fit into any of these scenarios because he has distinct talents but he would absolutely be at a loss #on detailed art history #unless he'd had previous history with a specific art work he had to retrieve #jacob could do some fighting but he's an art major nerd with no record of any DEA knowledge or training #but he'd be all for stealing a painting if it was a magic artefact #alex would bend the rules of the law to get the results he needs but he'd have an aneurism over the amount of law breaking leverage does #eliot spencer #jacob stone #alex walker #leverage #the librarians #almost paradise

[iero]

I keep having fucking panic attacks and I don't know what they're stemming from...

#personal #I am aware you don't need a reason to have a panic attack but in my case? #I only really have them when I'm under extreme stress. #I've had several this week but today I had one while at work and basically had to work through it. #My symptoms aren't as bad as they used to be but I am having chest pains/dizziness/faintness and it's scaring me almost. #Also mixed with the one (1) coffee I allowed myself to have today for this week? Yeah it was a BAD combination (anxiety and caffeine)... #I'll say 'I'm managing my anxiety!' and then A Situation happens and I'm like 'Oh that's right. I DO have crippling anxiety.' #I'm also unmedicated until I find a primary care doctor so that certainly does not help...

[theoldaeroplane]

I need things to stop HAPPENING

#nothing's wrong i just seem unable to catch my breath #i work for eight hours and then i have something almost every night when i get home #movie nights or social nights or volunteering nights or nights where i just can't do anything because i had therapy that day #don't get me started on weekends #i volunteer for 2-4 hours on Saturday mornings and i have hangouts on Saturday afternoons and DND on Sundays #and that's without counting any of the many variable things that i may attend on a Saturday #pride is this weekend and don't get me wrong I'm really looking forward to going #but i need like 3 days where i sit in my house and no one asks me to go anywhere #i want to make as many of the volunteer things as i can bc it only happens for about 18 weeks out of the year and there's only 12 left #what about Thursday and Friday you ask? Thursday is also volunteering #because that is when the miniature horses have their classes and what am i supposed to do? NOT go help with miniature horses??? #fridays are usually clear except for the occasional hangout #i don't know why i can't seem to keep a balance in my life #es dificil #anyway i have to leave for work thirty minutes early today so i can make it to the barn in time to get the minis ready #yesterday i had to leave two hours early because i had an anxiety attack that lasted well over two hours and persisted through a nap #where is the balance.... i enjoy doing all these things... but my energy doesn't.... #anyway i need a rich person to decide I'm entertaining and sponsor me so i only have to work part time and i can do my funny little arts #that seems realistic right?

[thethingything]

I need to put "weak-ass unregrowable teeth" on my non-existent resume

#personal #thoughts #Lucy post #also I think 🍬's last post (or at least the tags on it) made it sound like he's more worked up than he intended #it's been a weird day for our anxiety and our brain is kind of fried at the moment but we're relatively alright at the moment #it's just been one of those days where we've repeatedly almost had panic attacks and then had to calm down from really triggering stuff #and now we've got that weird mix of dissociation and brain fog and racing thoughts where you feel high even though you're not #having a fever is probably not helping in that regard

[pepprs]

im discontent and tired but like too discontent and tired to put it into words i think. lol

#purrs #prefacing this as usual by saying that i love my job. but also… every single situation. EVERY situation. is a primal situation in one way. l #like either i am dying of hunger / thirst / sleep deprivation and feeling it so hard i can’t focus on my work or i am so stressed that i am #being chased into a hidey hole by all the pressures or i am projecting my parents onto ppl and reliving primal moments of abaondoment and ex #exclusion LMFAO. And it’s like there’s no wonder i am so fucking exhausted every day when i come home i have lived 746 lifetimes in the last #8-9 hours. but it’s just so insane and im so tired. i literally thought i was gonna have an anxiety attack earlier today and it was bc i had #health anxiety bc my heart was pounding so hard over my facilitation anxiety that i got scared my heart was legitimately going to give out a #and then i started spiralling and like. lol i don’t think that’s healthy. i just want the election to be over so fucking bad but also i cant #just throw up my hands and give up and hope for the best i am literally being paid to give everything i have to making the world better so i #im gonna do it it’s just i am so often like the youngest and least experienced person in the room and im insecure about that and also i am j #just scared like… as a person and it’s just a lot to deal with i guess. lol #guess i was able to put it into words lol. but the moments of me projecting shit are so annoying bc then i get mad and then my feelings get #hurt bc no one notices im mad but also i don’t want anyone to notice im mad bc im being stupid for literaly no reason so. idk im just #ear ripped tated right now over stupid stupid shit that genuinely does not matter and has no bearing but when it’s little things that build #up over the course of the day… idk. it’s just hard 💃🏻 #delete later #this is abt smth that happened in a meeting today brw it’s not abt anyone including irls i saw today / this week i love u 😽 #also side note i saw literally SO many of the ppl closest to me this week. like that used to be an almost every day occurrence and i think t #this week not only did i see… like not to name drop on my tumblr blog with redacted followers but not only did i see you markya and #david but i saw tirzah AND brandon AND radia. WTF!!!!! that’s so many of my favorite people all in one week!!!! :DDDDDDD #(omg pretend i put ‘you’ after all the ppl it applies to)

[shima-draws]

Oooghhgjgh I can’t settle down please send some asks perhaps? 🙏

#Shima speaks #My anxiety has been through the roof like ALL day for no reason #It just spiked this morning and I’ve been on edge since #Sometimes it does this randomly like it’ll pop in and be like hey surprise!! #Deadass almost had an anxiety attack at the grocery store today. For no reason lol #And as I was driving I could FEEL myself dissociating and I went ‘Welp. That’s probably not Good’ #But actually this might have started bc of allergies #Yesterday I complained to my mom about my allergies being Terrible and she was like well if your current meds aren’t working #You can try Claritin D so I was like okay sure. So she brought in one for me this morning and I took it #And guess what a common side effect of taking this allergy medication is? #Yup you guessed it it’s heightened anxiety baby!!! #That probably just aggravated the constant state of anxiety I’m in already underneath my regular meds so. Lmao #Here we are. My heart won’t stop racing and I’m going to beat it up #ANYWAY I think that’s why it’s so bad today. Could just be one of those days where it chooses to act up for funsies #But I think it’s a side effect of the allergy medication lol #Lies down #Okay anyway sorry for talking your ears off lmao #Now come chat with me so I can talk your ears off more <3333

[larrythefloridaman]

google :)

love u goog <3

#to explain the dotted squares: Why Are You A Redhead When You Are Bing's Clone. #and the other is like. lets get one thing straight i love goog to death everything in season 2? wouldnt change a damn thing #but i feel like the susan thing was resolved too quickly. and his relationship with mac has gone. underaddressed. #goog was raised by dr. order and i love that he defects right away when shown a first glimmer of something more meaningful #it works well to demonstrate the point that kindness is what we're. as people. most naturally drawn to when circumstance allows for it #but i think how easy it ultimately comes to him even when that's challenged by his personal hurt later kinda. cheapens it a bit? #kindness is easy but its also very hard sometimes when we are faced with the desire or need to protect ourselves from being hurt #and susan letting goog get his catharsis from attacking her even though it wasnt Her her that hurt him #is something i feel should've left him feeling a bit more. conflicted a bit longer. the resolution was sweet but not fully earned imo? #and then theres mac. your little brother almost kills you in cold blood chasing the same meaningless victory you were raised to achieve #and then just. befriends your platonic partner's little sister and becomes part of the family while changing very little of his outlook #just changing who he answers to because he got his ass kicked. and you're just supposed to feel fucking NORMAL about that??????? #idk just think google should get to bite people and be dysfunctional a little more he was raised by doctor order hes not even two years old #he's a shonen protagonist with anxiety but the anxiety doesn't even really interfere meaningfully with anything narratively best i remember #machi has the excuse of being baby to explain why he's so innocent and even he's distinctly self-centered at times #google is a grown man and chooses kindness every day after he got out of there #and that rules. but id like to see him struggle with it just a LIL more #a bit too much of a perfect victim after he gets out for my taste. i had a similar problem with adora in she-ra #lots of not having a frame of reference for a different normal than theirs but always choosing the Right™ thing to do the first time anyway #but thats a mild 'show dont tell'-y writing gripe #its been a good bit since i watched the eps referenced so my feelings might change when i get to them in my rewatch #i simply think meeting a version of your shitty mom that's largely the same but not shitty should make you feel. a lot of different ways #and we didnt really get to see goog wrestle with that after finding out susan wasnt Really her and i think thats kind of a shame #and i dont remember if mac and goog have even shared any screentime after that time Mac Injured Him Terribly with plus ultra

[ghwosty]

hm hypochondria is a hell of a type of anxiety that I suffer from and occasionally creeps back up on me over the smallest of triggers

#my skin is really sensitive and I've been trying different soaps and lotions lately just to see if anything helps #but with that trial and error comes small rashes and contact dermatitis if the 'hypoallergenic' claims are bogus #but rn there's a small bit of dermatitis near and almost on my breast #but what is my mind spiraling to? stage 4 breast cancer of course #of course I occasionally do self checks like ya should #I don't feel anything but the thing about hypochondria is my brain can easily make me feel lumps that aren't actually there #bc hypochondria is also a type of delusional thinking #my brain will trick me into feeling phantom aches and pains and sensations and i hate it #it's a vicious spiral and i can easily work myself into an anxiety attack #I've had full flown panic attacks over thinking I had blood clots

[bidens-tight-boypussy]

god can i not have a mental breakdown at work today

#please im so tired #ive been so anxious all day and it keeps getting worse #ive had at least a week straight of high anxiety #and panic attacks #almost every fucking day #i feel so dysphoric too #its fucking exhausting #i just want to do my job and i cant because im so fucking neurotic #im literally shaking and its a chill day at work i hate it here

[myatlantispoets]

so like. am i having a bloody migraine rn

i don't need this shit rn, i have a project to finish

#i can't remember the last time i had one so idk if this is it #wait maybe it's a panic attack. that'd explain the sense of dread and immediate doom #i've been like this ever since i woke up from my nap like 2 hours ago tho it's gotten more manageable and i don't feel like i'm dying anymo #that being said my limbs are still kinda weak and i can't handle artificial light. i'm working on my project and my eyes hurt bsc of teh sc #screen #i had a lot of water a cup of tea and some snackies to like sustain myself but idk #oh and i took a paracetamol #idk man. when i went to take a nap i had cramps and a bit of a headache but that was it #tho ig i should've sen it coming bcs i had a stressful day at school and i almost teared up at some point. and i've had a long hard week #yesterday i'm pretty sure i had an anxiety attack on the way home. #oh and i fucked up my sleep schedule again #so. yeah.

[puddle1212]

Might be end of an era (fresh-out-of-college drinking era (I had maybe 1 drink at each social event I went to in the last year (maybe 3 events total)))

#I started anxiety medication today #day 1 is awful oh my god #I’m so nauseous and it threw me off so much I thought I was having an allergic reaction to something a coworker gave me for breakfast #did some googling and turns out lexapro just does that to you for like a week or two #almost had a panic attack at work which is funny considering I’m now starting medication for anxiety so I don’t have panic attacks