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#I FUCKING LOVE BUTLERS SO FUCKING MUCH MAN. IDK WHY. I DIDNT EVEN KNOW UNTIL IT WAS POINTED OUT TO ME..
just-null-cult · 4 months
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Dear the Noritoshi Cult Leader,
May I have Noritoshi in butler outfit with bunny tail and ears? I need it to bless my gloomy day. I really appreciate it you took on my request. Thank you
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Lucky for you, cult member, i love butlers. A lot.
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buginateacup · 3 years
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So I finally figured out the best way for me to plot Rings is to write it out like I did before ie like you;re telling a rapid story/juicy gossip which stops me from writing the same scene in different angst/fluff/horny versions
so spoilers for the next few chapters under the cut if you’re interested
So the first night of the honeymoon is...fine. They spend most of it laughing over whatever the fuck was today and agree that staying married is really not an option. Megamind has conveniently forgotten that he agreed to be a superhero and Roxanne winds up laughing in Megamind's arms as he proves that he can in fact dance like Fred Astaire on the balcony of their suite. Its a remarkably fun night all things considered until Roxanne goes to push open the door to what she assumes is the other bedroom of the suite and finds the kind of closet that she's been dreaming of all her life and that means...
There is only one bed. Fuck
Cue panic
And Roxanne getting stuck in her dress 
help
But Megamind has also been having just a hint of a breakdown because dancing with Roxanne made him realise that oh no he's in love with his wife and he hasn't wished he was human for a long time (not true) but it does mean that she's probably not going to be okay with tentacles which is the kind of thing you should probably tell a prospective partner BEFORE you marry them so he's going to sleep on the couch far far away from temptation. And Roxanne is an absolute horny mess because she is absolutely hiding her feelings behind her libido but Megamind is being very considerate of not being THAT KIND of villain which means she feels like he doesn't want her and nothing kills desire faster than not being wanted so that’s its own problem.
Except the couch is kind of squeaky because its leather and he can't sleep and eventually Roxanne comes storming out and demands he come to bed so they can both sleep because he's keeping her awake too.
And they do.
Sleep
Just sleep
And wake up tangled together on Friday morning.
That's not awkward at all
That's also the morning they find out they have the suite for the rest of the weekend, which, delightful. Divorce can definitely wait a couple of days while they ruin Wayne's credit rating. There may be a bit of a moment where Megamind catches Roxanne trying on his mantle over her pjs that will either be incredibly angsty or incredibly hot but that that is not part of the plan we're just pretending that didnt happen, or it did and that is how they decide to be married for the weekend (IDK, working on it). In the mean time there are casino heists to plan and chess and scrabble to be played and evening brings Megamind back to bed with Roxanne because its just easier at this point. And when he wakes up because UNFAMILIAR in the middle of the night he plays with Roxanne's hair at her askance for an hour until they both fall asleep.
Roxanne is more than okay with having someone permanently willing to play with her hair on tap as all people should be.  
On Saturday Roxanne is awake first and spends some time thinking about how tired Megamind looks and how he should really take some time off and they can go to the beach or something after they get back. This should probably have been a clue about her feelings but hey, leave a girl her river in egypt.
This may or may not be the day she also glues him to the headboard of the bed with the decoupage setting on the de-gun while she has a shower.
Megamind genuinely considers gnawing off his own arm because she didnt quite manage to close the door properly and that is its own kind of torture.
They have a bet about paper airplanes and landing them in the fountain. Megamind wins so Roxanne has to show him a trick (Roxanne is not thinking about that thing she can do with her throat nope not at all) which is how he finds out his wife is a master at throwing cocktails and they get more than a little tipsy and he shows her how to fire the degun which is adorable and a little hot and they wind up slowdancing on the balcony to the Something for Kate cover of When the War is Over because I love that freaking song and I'm very attached to that mental image right now.
The second night, they know its all over by tomorrow and they spend a while talking in bed in the dark which is where I will probably make all of you cry with how lonely being the last one is for Megamind and it breaks Roxanne's heart a little to and they have the kind of thing that you just do not talk about in the light of day because if what happens in vegas stays in vegas then what happens that night is like the what happens in vegas stays in vegas of what happens in vegas stays in vegas.
Look it makes sense in context okay
They also both stay clothed so chill.
Sunday morning brings them to the foyer and its bittersweet and lovely and they just want to hold one another but they CANT because there is a PLAN and of course they shouldn’t stay married but oh shit the divorce desk doesn’t open until 11 and its only ten and their chauffer is waiting for them to take them home so shit, that is an issue but its fine because there's a form you can fill out and they will post you the divorce papers.
So great. They head to the airport and get on the plane and oh look there's yesterdays paper and why is there a photo of their wedding certificate on the front page?
And when was megamind going to tell Roxanne he was becoming a hero?
And Megamind had genuinely forgotten about that. Oops
So it turns out all of Metro City has been waiting for this day for YEARS. The paper is full of happy articles and letters to the editor saying we knew those crazy kids had it in them and Carlos has won a considerable amount of money in the pool and has taken his family to disney world.
And well they cant stay married obviously (can they?) but everyone is clearly expecting them to come home as a couple so sure they can fake it for a while before quietly separating except Megamind is not okay with the idea of Roxanne getting kidnapped by anyone else because no one else will be careful enough. And Roxanne is very unimpressed that the defenders council are trying to replace her with an official damsel. She is staying damsel thank you very much Gerry.
This may also become the fic where Roxanne finally sets up a damsel's union.
So they have a bit of a talk and yep practice kissing is definitely a thing they need to work on
a lot
that moment where the copilot walks in on them is a little embarrasing
but they land and oh look there's a car waiting for them to take them to
oh
The Scott's are throwing them a party after all
So Roxanne gets dressed by Minion for the second time in a week which is where she finds out that "Oh sir was always so worried that if he ever found someone the tentacles would be a dealbreaker"
Tentacles
Huh
Where?
Prehensile or?
Oh for fucks sake Roxanne you dont even know what they're for stop it
No but seriously where are they?
Megamind on the other hand has just found out that Roxanne has a tattoo from Metro Man of all people and there is a very awkward/sexy/funny moment in a butler's pantry where Megamind finds out exactly where Roxanne's tattoo is and Roxanne has it confirmed exactly what those tentacles are for after all.
Great so add that to the list of things we're thinking about like his shoulders and his hands and his eyes instead of our feelings.
Roxanne takes great solace in her libido as it is far easier than arguing with her head or her heart.
Or she would be if she was getting laid.
And SURPRISE this party is not the intimate dinner they were promised but a full on party with Megamind's prison uncles set up on a webcam in a theatre which is a lovely cute scene and Roxanne is definitely getting baby stories out of these men.
Megamind uses her as a human shield. Its force of habit and has nothing to do with how much he's blushing at all.
And they get asked to make a speech and Megamind tells everyone exactly how much he loves his wife and Roxanne is almost in tears because what the hell where was this when it was just the two of them? He cant mean any of this clearly and wow that fucking hurts.
And then Roxanne's great aunt helen shows up because of course family was invited and she is an unpleasant woman at the best of times and Roxanne goes full "Fuck off Helen he's my husband and I love him"
and 
shit
she does doesnt she?
Nope straight back to denial on that one. Cannot think about that right now
Because he clearly doesn't feel the same way or he'd have told her personally, not to a crowd of people. And Megamind thinks she was exaggerating because he’s also thinking where was this in vegas? And Roxanne is forcibly reminded she can't be the damsel if she's married to the hero so she is never going to see him again unless its for an interview which means she has to spend the rest of her life chasing him down in the van with fucking hal and ow ow ow
So they leave the party and Megamind drops her home only for Roxanne to find her apartment full of boxes as she is also being kicked out of her apartment as she is no longer acting damsel.
So she grabs a bag and tracks down the lair and oh hi husband can I live with you or not?
Hi wife yes please say (stay forever please stay forever) which is where we get the SECOND there was only one bed because half the lair was demolished in the last big battle and there is no space for another room right now and of course they have to keep sharing a room or Minion will get suspicious
this bed is much smaller than the giant orgy sized one in vegas
good thing they’re already getting used to waking up in one another’s arms
Roxanne does manage to ask for a small room to use as an office because she needs somewhere to cry and she's used to living alone but wow does this feel like moving in...
And that brings us to chapter 6ish?
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The 100 (questions that is....not band or TV show)
1. If you were on a 2 hour road trip and could only listen to one song on repeat until the trip was over what song would it be? idk it would depend. Could be Neck Deep - In Bloom but also if you go with Dream Theater - A Change Of Seasons thats only like 4 plays :) 2. If heaven or hell didn’t exist and wasn’t a reward would you still make an effort in being a good person? Atheists believe in good. 3. What’s your poison? Vices etc. JD 4. What’s your favorite thing about your hometown? the football team lol.
5. Are you a better friend to your friends than they are to you? It's a mutual thing that we don't really talk lol. I'm a horrible friend to most people but one did say I was angel, which was a compliment cause she’s religious even though I’m not
6. Have you ever ran a red light? I can't drive, but I ignore traffic signs when walking. They're more of a suggestion than a rule especially in Glasgow.
7. Who is the most influential person in your life? I influence myself; fuck all y'all.
8. Give me a hot take. What’s the unpopular opinion you stand by? Love Island is pish
9. What would the ten year old you think about you now? 10yr old me wanted to be an astronaught so idk lol probably disappointed
10. What’s your favorite city to visit/live in? Town lol I don't do visits
11. Tell me the story of your first kiss. She asked me out and I was kinda dithering but then just as she was walking away I shouted yes at her like a fucking lunatic and she turned around like "....oh." Then we snogged :P
12. What was your yearbook quote (if you didn’t have one what would it be)? The romans didnt invent a great civilisations by having meetings. They did it by killing all those who opposed them.
13. What’s a non-sexual turn on for you? Millie's Cookies <33333
14. Who’s your favorite non-animated movie character? The wee old dear from Last Train To Busan <3
15. You fall into $10K and you have to spend it on yourself and not bills, what do you buy? Gig tickets, alcohol and stuff off my list
16. Have you picked names for your children yet? one
17. Do you have any talents? I'm very good at singing badly
18. Which would you prefer: Netflix and Chill or iTunes and Chill? Netflix or iTunes themselves. I ain't got no chill. And no-ones interrupting me if I'm listening to music/watching something
19. Fill in the blank: I want to ____ your _____. _hug_, _soul_
20. Is once a cheater always a cheater true? idk people can change but I'd say the relationship is forever ruined. Someone that cheated on me might not cheat again, but I wouldn't trust them anymore.
21. In one word, What was the reason your last relationship failed? complacency
22. What’s something therapeutic you do when you’re stressed? listen to music
23. What was your favorite non-Pixar Disney Film? Big Hero 6
24.  Ruin a first date in 5 words or less. "I like country music" :P
25. Drums or Flats? I thought this was about music or highheels but google says its about chicken. And I prefer boneless!
26. Do you remember your last dream? What about? No idea, I don't remember them much I'm just greatful for whatever sleep I can get.
27. Do you want your kids to go to church, synagogue, temple, mosque? why? Never! I don't want to fill their heads with nonsense and a life of trying to conform to outdated arbitrary rules just so they have a good afterlife.
28. If Gerard Butler, Russell Crowe, and Liam Neeson get into a bar brawl who wins? The press?
29. Looking back would you have lost your virginity sooner than you did or later? Sooner. The lateness was not for lack of trying
30. Do you have a favorite book? Not really but it used to be either Reaper Man or The Hitch-hikers Guide To The Galaxy
31. Fuck Marry Kill? Do I get to pick my own??????? Fuck - "Main Course" Marry - hahahaha no Kill - your hopes and dreams
32. Is college worth it? Why? Yes because its good to know things and worth it to get a better job so you're not working beside me :)
33. Favorite Cartoon growing up. idk I can't really remember what I watched.
34. What’s your favorite social media besides tumblr? I'm on Facebook more but that's just to play games mostly
35. Does your first crush still look good? I don't talk to her anymore but her pictures aren't too bad
36. Do you think starting a gofundme is begging or helpful? Depends on the reason, like I've seen one just for a sesh which is fucking stupid, but like Americans do them for medical bills or some legit reasons.
37. Sesame Street or Barney? Sesame Street! Cookie Monster<3
38. What you’re favorite R&B Album of all time? I hate them all.
39. What movie(s) do you know all the lines to by heart? I can quote bits of films but probably not the whole film
40. Would you date someone you met on here? idk like I prefer this as a more anonymous space to share things and rant about people who actually know me. If I'm doing this right no-one I meet on here should figure out who I am :) But yes I'd date y'all cause you're all wonderful peoples
41. Would you rather be too hot or too cold? Too cold, it's Scotland you know?
42. Would you date yourself? I dont think I could put up with my own shit. And if it was like really my personality in a female form we'd be far too fucking shy to speak to each other.
43. Apple or Android? Android, Apple is a cult
44. What is the first song that you can remember learning the lyrics to? Daydream Believer for my aunties wedding
45. What are 3 of your favorite Michael Jackson songs? I genuinely do not like any of them but Alien Ant Farm covered Smooth Criminal if that counts?
46. Fill in the blanks: it’s not cheating if ___ ____ ____. you haven't actually kissed or slept with the other person and you're only sharing inappropriate messages on facebook and they've already said they're not a homewrecker... sorry, too specific?
47. Could you put your dreams on hold to support your bf/gf pursuing theirs? my dreams have been crushed so it would depend on what theirs were
48. What’s is the title to your autobiography? The Life And Times Of A Fucknut
49. Is there someone you’re trying not to call or text right now? YES! SO MUCH. I want to message her all the time but she hasn't messaged me and i dont want to appear desperate even though I am so I'm not gonna message first although I check every 5mins if shes messaged me
50. What is your favorite emoji or emoji combination? :P or ;)
51. Do you have any deal breakers in relationships? cheating lol.
52. Are you Tre or Doughboy? I had no idea so I googled it and Wikipedia says "Tre is highly intelligent but has a volatile temper and lacks respect" which is so me :) Idk who doughboy is lol
53. Favorite movie? Don't really have one tbh. I have too many I want to watch to bother re-watching something i've seen.
54. How long do you talk to someone before you expect a relationship? when you talk to someone its the start of a relationship in the loosest sense of the word because friendship is still the relationship between two people
55. Ruin a first date in 5 words or less. repeat questions would ruin a date cause it proves you're not listening
56. How old are you and how old do you feel? I'm 29 but I feel the same as i always have
57. Tag your favorite tumblr blog. @evilsupplyco
58. Your house is burning down and your family is safe what is the one material item you’d grab? my phone'd already be in my pocket so laptop?
59. How long until you introduce your bf/gf to your family? theyve met
60. Fill in the blank: All you need in this life of sin is you and your ____. Nope. All you need in this life of sin is you. No and your anything
61. Kobe, Jordan, or Lebron? neither
62. What is your favorite Drake lyric? I hate everything he has ever said
63. Where did you meet the last person you fell in love with? I don't fall in love, I believe I only fall in lust/infatuation/obsession.
64. Do you know your love language? I joined a shitty website to find the answer. Apparently it's physical touch and then words of affirmation.
65. Take a Myers Briggs Personality Test: what are your results? No. I fail at these. The questions are never things that i would do so i feel like im unintentionally lying and it never sounds like me
66. How do you feel about Quentin Taurentino films? Violence and blood what could be better?
67. Fill in the blank: Get you someone who will ______. _worship you as the amazing and beautiful bad ass bitch that you are <-- actual drunken advice from me
68. What’s your favorite movie soundtrack? Spiderman 2 i actually had the album
69. What’s your favorite fragrance on the opposite sex? i dont care what they smell like as long as its not fags
70. Is there any magazine, blog, or publication you read weekly? Nope
71. Will you abstain from sex or go to marriage counseling? Why are these my only options? But I'm not going to counselling, if they have issues then they should just tell me :)
72. There’s two kinds of people in the world: Those who pour ketchup on their fries, and the ones who put it on the side to dip. Which one are you? The one who doesn't order ketchup at all.
73. Rough sex or slow sex? Both. Either. Any lol
73. Have you ever slept with a stranger? Nope. Not that I have anything against it I've just never had the opportunity
74. What’s your dream music collaboration? Produced by who (Dead or Alive)? idk but probably produced by rick rubin cause that guy does eeeeeverything lol
75.  What song will you probably conceive your kids to? Music would just be a distraction
76. Do you have a scripture or quote you live by? Nope
77. Finish this sentence: If men had birth control _____. itd be free
78. How long should sex last? As long as both partners need
79. What music do you listen to when you de-stress? Just whatevers next on the playlist
80. How soon should you text someone after getting their number? The next time you want to tell them something but they arent there beside you?
81. How do you feel about the 80/20 rule? Living in lol but its more like erm 20/80?
82. Is sex a determinate in a relationship? Yeah. Why would you get with someone if you're not at least somewhat attracted to them?
83. Is it wrong to move in with someone or “shack up” before marriage? Nope
81. Send me a never have I ever. Never have I ever enjoyed beer
82. What is your favorite video game of all time? Spyro The Dragon
83. Who is your favorite book/movie character? "SQUEAK" said the Death Of Rats
84. Can you define love as best as you can? Nope
85. Does size matter? I hope not, women like taller guys lol.
86. What is your favorite thing about the person you like? Physically? Personality? idk
87. Five Year plan? Go! Don't get fired, save money, get an actual house, buy stuff off my list?
88. If someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to? idk i dont understand me so why you asking me?
89. Do you think of yourself as a human being or a human doing? Do you identify yourself by the things you do? I don't tend to think of myself at all really... and why would I identify myself?
90. What does emotionally available mean to you? Someone who is not emotionally closed off?
91. Could you go into business with your ex? Hahahahahahahah no
92. What is the last song you sang aloud? I'd Rather Drown ineverletpeopleinandihaveyoutoremindmewhy
93. If someone liked you right now, would you want them to tell you? They do. They told me. It sucks cause it changes nothing except igniting that small bit of hope id given up on...
94. How do you prefer to obtain your music Streaming, Downloads, or Physical? Physical albums for artists I like, even though it just goes straight into the laptop anyway i still like having albums
95. Name an artist you like that your friends probably don’t listen to. What friends? But erm Archangels Revenge. I doubt the ex members listen to them as much as I do lol
96. Tag someone that’s probably her baby father. this makes no sense?
97. Post a selfie you really like. nope
98. Do you watch anime? What is your favorite? Death Note or The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya so far, but ive got a lot on my list
99. What’s the zodiac sign of the last person you dated? Aquarius
100. Do you know Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior? I know that he is not either.
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