#HOPEFULLY we can indeed woo a platform | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sorbet-hydratante · 6 years

Text

Man, can’t believe it. It’s nearly the end of the semester, I just need to get my shit done and I’ll end the semester with B’s and A’s (hopefully). It’ll be the first time in a while that I get good grades like that, and it feels really nice.

Boyfriend’s just as awesome as ever. :D I’m really happy we’ve been together for over a year now!

Ehhh, there’s been some stress with work and worrying of grades, but I’ll be leaving work soon to find better jobs so there’s that~

But lately, I’ve also been thinking that maybe I should go to therapy, or something like that. The events that had transpired back in February still lingers on my mind to this day; I’ve just recently had discussions concerning ‘her’ with friends. .....yeah.

My boyfriend just told me last night that indeed, I did violate a school code- I wasn’t supposed to force someone off the club (roster). I was surprised, too; because ‘she’ had made false accusations before, of course I wasn’t going to believe her. I thought she was just saying that this whole time because she was irked at me. Well, at least that makes sense now.

And while I would keep that in mind for the future (and so I can think of better ways in how to handle certain situations), I also realized something.

I am not sorry at all for what I did.

And if that’s true, then ‘she’ would have also violated that rule, as she had us collectively vote to ban a student from the club. She made a point of going to higher management to say he didn’t pay his dues, do volunteer hours, yada yada...... except at least one of those claims is false.

He did pay his dues. In full. Right on February 9th. I was with him that whole time, too, having gone to Walmart with him so he can get the money. But because I got swept up in the drama and her accusations, I had completely forgotten about it. To this day, I still feel a bit of guilt over it.

...........I should have fought more, in that meeting. I should have stood up, and made objections. That she never sent me any messages on running the meeting that night (and that I would happily show my messages on Messenger, on my phone, and such), that she never checked with me or my treasury papers to see if he had paid his dues or not. That she was trying to get us to vote based on at least one false accusation, and because of that, we should’ve demanded to see the evidence that she was claiming (that she sent him several emails, that he didn’t do volunteer hours, etc.); that, if we are going to vote on a ban, that it be based on the truth, not on false claims, because due to at least one false bit of info, her word alone was no longer valid. And also, that she needed to own up to her own part in it- that the reason why he was wanting her impeached was because of her behavior that night. That the reason why people were freaking out about trying to save the club was because of her behavior. Throughout these years she has been a common factor, you can easily link it back to her, I’m sorry. Also, point out that she didn’t even go through our advisor, which should be one of the first people to go through when you’re dealing with difficult situations. I do wonder if she ever made contact beyond asking the lady to be our advisor.

And that she would just stop, and truly apologize for her actions. To stop turning things around so she can blame and lay fault at us for not knowing enough about the handbook (and this sucks too because there’s information that we might need to know that’s not even in the handbook) and for acting out of line, when we acted the way we did on that one night because we really didn’t know what to do, as she had never laid any clear or specific instructions, or any info to pass on to the other members or volunteers. And a big one, blaming us by saying we misheard her when we all heard exactly what she said. Although, I know this is nothing more than wishful thinking. She would never do it. Even if she attempted to do it now, knowing her, it would just come off as a nonapology.

.....Yeah, I did do her dirty, that one instance (and I guess that time taking her off the facebook group too). But everything else though.... that was all on her. At least now, the atmosphere’s been better since in the clubs, at least according to my friend. Newer members don’t even know that there’d been drama, it’s incredible. Maybe all along it just required that saying of ‘playing fire with fire’ to finally get her to stop.

I know she’s still bitter about the whole thing. Not that I blame her about that, but it shows when my friend put up one of those saraha thingies on facebook, and it was obvious that ‘she’ kept sending her shit like ‘you’re so fake’ and things like that; she doesn’t bother to change her wording at all. People do have ‘voices’ in their writing and it’s apparent in her’s. Also when we did that club survey too, cuz one was sent to her and we had a real negative response lol.

I remember once reading that people’s personalities are set by the age of 25. ‘She’’s only a bit younger than me, and I’m 24 now. And she’s stubborn at times, especially with her negativity, and her powering determination to reach her goals leaves her blindsided to other things.....

She’s not someone who will change much, especially with how she is. I highly doubt she would ever change, no matter what she says.

The words she used to describe me, they describe her to a T- a dictator, taking things too personally, always being wish-washy. She’s a walking parody of her own self. And again- manipulative and toxic, way too negative and nasty with people. I do wonder if remaining mutuals will face similar situations down the road, if they continue being friends with her.

And speaking of which........ I’ve been having thoughts too. I already unfriended one; after all, that one is her best friend. Just like with her boyfriend, she will take her side, which is understandable. Especially after walking past her down a Meijer’s aisle one time and us just not making contact, I did feel it obvious she wasn’t going to want to speak to me again. And so, I made the decision.

At least my friend can still keep in contact with others. That’s good, she shouldn’t have to suffer any consequences for what happened. But I know the same can’t be said for me. I’d contact the others about whether they want to stay as friends or not, but I worry that if I do, one may show screenshots of the conversation to ‘her’, which will give her incentive to lash out at me again and I REALLY don’t want to deal with her shit again. So I feel stuck. Should I, or should I not? I will say, I was surprised to look at my timeline and see that one in particular wished me a happy birthday, even though he is a close friend of hers. You would think he wouldn’t want to say anything to me again after what happened, but there he goes...... such a strange one.

Maybe I should go to therapy, it’s almost like she’s haunting me. At least I have the power to keep her blocked on virtual platforms (I don’t really trust her to stay away, honestly. Gotta keep her away). I guess it also helps that I was planning out phasing out of that friendship anyway, at least when the spring semester ended lol. Because man i gotta tell ya, when she first messaged me that she didn’t think that our friendship could be bandaged, the first thing I felt was a sense of relief. I didn’t have to initiate it! Woo!

Hopefully writing this out helps, I really gotta get back to doing homework.

#thoughts #personal #reflecting #negative?

1 note · View note