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smokeybrandreviews · 4 years

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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Anger Issues

First proper movie of the year, and it’s Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn. Look, the DCEU is a dumpster fire, so much so that the WB has basically given up on it. They’ve started doing stand alone films as a way to recuperate their image and it’s kind of working. Shazam was fun as f*ck and Joker is rightfully getting so much buzz, it’s ridiculous. Even Aquaman was decent once it was released from the grimdark Snyder vision. Birds of Prey is not that. It is, at it’s core, a DCEU film. This thing might as well be called Suicide Squad but with chicks. It’s that ridiculous. But is it as bad as that? Let’s get into it.

The Great

The very best thing about this movie is f*cking Huntress. Bro, i LOVED Helena Bertinelli in this movie! Mary Elizabeth Winstead owned this part, one hundred percent! She was the MVP of this whole goddamn sh*t show but she sure as f*ck ain’t get MVP minutes! Huntress is in this thing for a grand total of ten minutes, man. It might be more, it might be less, but it definitely ain’t enough because she has NO time to shine! What little she gets, though, she kills! Talk about burying the lead, man. I understand that certain cuts needed to made in order to give the top-biller in Harley the god shots, but f*ck, dude. You can’t tease me with so much awesome and then just snatch it all away! F*ck you for that, movie. F*ck You!

The Good

This thing was cast incredibly well. I was on the fence with some of the announcements during development, but it came together nicely. There aren’t many weak performances and, overall, you can tell that everyone was having fun. There’s a lot of great chemistry among this group and i can see myself giving a proper BoP sequel a chance.

Margot Robbie is Harley Quinn. She embodies this chick like Ryan Reynolds embodies Deadpool, for the most part. She was my first pick going into SKWAD and it felt right seeing her in those hot pants. There were some issues i had with that character, mostly the vanishing accent, but she’s gotten much better since then an that growth shows here. It’s unfortunate that her character doesn’t grow in this two hour run time, especially considering how much time Harley gets onscreen.

Jurnee Smollet-Bell is probably the best Dinah Lance we’re going to get for a while. he was surprisingly adept at the part, even if everyone is butt-hurt that she was race-bent. Her Canary Cry was absolute sh*t but that was more the effects fault. Them sh*ts is cheap! Jurnee did a fantastic job as Black Canary and i wasn’t even mad she wasn’t rocking the fishnets while doing it. She kicks high.

Rosie Perez was an interesting choice for Renee Montoya but i knew she could be fantastic in the role if they gave her room to breathe. Perez could have brought that Puerto Rican heat to the role, and she did a few times, but not enough to make an impression. Again, that’s because this ain’t a Birds of Prey vehicle so all of the Birds had to kind of curtail their time in the camera, and overall character development, in order to make sure Harley got her face time with the audience. It’s kind of f*cked up and makes the movie less for it.

Black Mask was a goddamn spectacle! He’s smarmy, and arrogant, and flamboyant, and campy, and generally just brilliant. He’s one of the best villains of the DCEU, which ain’t saying much, but i can say just SO much about Ewan McGregor’s performance as Roman Sionis. His mask is stupid though. And he’s definitely Black Mask in name only. Still, for what this version is, McGregor delivers. If you’re curious what a closer interpretation of the comic character can be, check out Batman: Under The Red Hood. That’s a far more accurate representation of what Sidonis is supposed to be but I’m not mad what we got here.

Chris Messina as Victor Zsasz is okay. In the book, he’s out of his mine and ludicrously violent. Like, textbook psychopath crazy. In this, he’s still pretty f*cking nuts but he’s also wildly jealous and crazy possessive? I think that’s because of the insinuated relationship between he and Black Mask but you gotta read real heavy into that relationship to even broach that subject. Like, I‘m reaching with that statement but, for the most part, Messina does an admirable job of bringing this character to life.

The action scenes, outside of the awesome that is Huntress, is the real draw of this movie. Harley’s story is cliche and the Birds don’t get much time to develop so they’re kind of inconsequential but the action is superb. It’s, legit, John Wick levels of awesome most of the time. There is a lot of buzz about that jailhouse scene and it’s totally worth all the talk. That motherf*cker was spectacular!

The art direction is pretty amazing in here. This looks like how i think SKWAD wanted to look, but couldn’t because of Snyder grimdark nonsense. Like, if that trailer house had full reign to actually film that movie, BoP is what we might have gotten and it is a much better look for the type of movie these things are. Certain sets, like the funhouse and Sinonis’ club were awesome and the little flairs for characters were on point. The confetti beanbags were absolutely genius!

I would be remiss if i didn’t mention the costumes. Harley had a ton of costume changes, so much so a character mentions it in the middle of a fight, but i wasn’t mad. They all reflect her character and Margot Robbie is a helluva a Barbie to play dress-up with but so was Black Mask apparently. He had almost as many costume changes as Quinn and they were all amazing. I liked what they had Canary in, even if it wasn’t comic accurate and i absolutely adored what Huntress rocked in the beginning. All in all, pretty legit costuming, i must say.

Another one where the sound design is worth mentioning. The direction didn’t elevate this assblast of a movie but the sound design sure as sh*t did. There are a ton of punctuating songs and effects that give otherwise flaccid scenes, that extra Viagra boost to get them rock hard! It’s amazing what music can do for anything really. Throw a dope ass soundtrack behind constipation and you have a serenade that eases things up to drop that deuce. I say that because that’s how it feels watching this goddamn movie.

The Meh

Ella Jay Basco is probably the weakest part of this movie. She does an admirable job as Cassandra Cain for being so young but there are certain instance where you can tell this is her first big gig. She isn’t terrible by any means, there aren’t any terrible performances at all in this thing, but she was easily the weakest of the lot.

The liberties taken with the characters in this movie are interesting. I’m curious as to see where this version of Gotham can go and what these particular interpretations of such iconic Bat-Characters can go. I don’t think they are great as a direct representations, f*cking Cassandra Cain is a particular sore spot for me because i adore her in the books, but i can give her chance. I can give all of these characters a chance. I rather adored this version of Huntress. Ma might be my favorite one! Well, almost. I’m pretty partial to Helena Wayne but i digress. While i don’t particularly care for how these awesome women are represented in this flick, i can see the potential. There is a unique vision here that is worth seeing through.

The writing is so-so. I can’t say it’s bad because there is a lot of good in there, tons of interesting ideas, but the execution is real poor. Most of these scenes feel like, on paper, they were dope as f*ck. On screen, though? Just underwhelming. It’s like they couldn’t translate what they wanted or needed to film for one reason or another. I feel like that might have more to do with the direction, I’m getting to that, but the core of a flick is the writing. If you’re script ain’t on point, you’re movie can’t be and i can see how dull them pages were to begin with.

The direction in this thing is mediocre. Cathy Yan did a “meh” job with this thing. A lot of that might have been due to the script but a great director can elevate straight schlock. Look at James Cameron. Avatar is an ass of a film that rips of f*cking Ferngully but his vision got it Oscars and the number one, highest grossing, spot on the all-time list until Endgame murdered that sh*t. Yan did not elevate this schlock. They had to go back to reshoots and have Chad Stahleski touch up some stuff. Like, the best parts of this thing, the action scenes, weren’t even directed by Yan. I mean, they were at first, but this thing got screened by the execs ad all of that sh*t was tossed out. Stahleski made them things pop! No telling what else he touched up, or f*cked up, on his way out.

The Bad

This is not a Birds of Prey movie. This is a Harley Quinn vehicle with a Birds of Prey cameo. I can see what they wanted to do with this thing, backdoor origin story for one of Batman’s strongest supplementary teams, but with no Barbara Gordon as Oracle, it feels hollow. Especially considering that the Birds, themselves, have next to no screen time. I get that Harley is the money maker but this should have been a Gotham City Sirens film.

The continuity of this sh*t is dubious. It takes place in the old DCEU. It’s legit a sequel to Suicide Squad. Harley references that sh*t twice. I don’t know what that means going forward, but this Gotham ain’t that Gotham at all. It’s weird to see because you spend a good amount of time within the GCPD and no Bullock or Gordon; The latter of which we’ve seen already. It’s awkward the way WB has decided to play fast and loose with what sticks and what doesn’t. Joker is a stand alone and so is Shazam. The Batman is going to be a stand alone or it’s own franchise. Aquaman and Wondy are still in the DCEU continuity but i don’t know how long they will be, especially considering Wonder Woman’s solos are all prequels that have no ties to that Snyder depression exercise. It’s nothing to just pluck her out and add her to a much better executed cinematic universe. With Flashpoint all but confirmed, It feels like none of this matters. This one, for sure, doesn’t.

The plot is still stupid. The McGuffin is better since the reshoots because dick pics? Really? But the writing is still stupid. The whole center of the conflict is ridiculous and the resolution is just blergh.

The only thing worse than the plot is the pacing. This motherf*cker drags! There are entire scenes where nothing f*cking happens and it’s stupid. Most of the time, it’s the scenes with Harley. Her arc is just so f*cking pedestrian. It’s well acted, i said as much above, but it’s SO dumb and i kind of hate it.

This movie really hates dudes. Like, i get it, right? Respect. Recognition. Women deserve all of everything. Equality, feminism, yadda-yadda. I get it. There are ways to execute that perspective which are good. A decent writer would convey that by actually writing decent scenes, not just turning all of the men in the film into juvenile caricatures of chauvinism. I personally don’t care, I’m not a neckbeard typing with one hand while breathing heavily on my monitor in my ma’s basement, but i had to mention it because everyone is mentioning it and they have a point. This is glorified misandry at it’s finest but, you know, patriarchy or whatever. I don’t care. It didn’t take me out of the movie, the sh*tty plot did that, but it was interesting to see in person. It’s hard to justify this bullsh*t when Atomic Blonde exists.

So the gay-baiting. Like, really, dude? If you’re going to do it, go all the way. I read somewhere that Black Mask was supposed to have a homosexual relationship with Victor Zsasz but nah. None of that is expressed in any capacity. There might have been a line referencing it, maybe, but that could have been in regards to the violent outburst in the club the night before. Ambiguous because you gotta sell this thing in China! Renee Montoya is legit gay in the books and, other than a passing line early on, it never comes up again. I think that might be because of the distinct lack of characterization for literally all the Birds in their own f*cking movie, but still. That’s massive part of her character and no one talks about it. No one talks about any of the LBGTQ bullsh*t they pushed in the promotion.

All of this controversy does this flick a disservice. It doesn’t deserve all the hate it’s getting and it definitely doesn’t deserve all of the praise. This is not some super “GRRRL power”, kickass, gay-loving, action flick. It’s a mediocre break-up story that happens to have some interesting action set pieces but, ultimately, is inconsequential in the greater scheme of things. This is the Ant-Man of the DCEU. I spoke about this at length a few days ago and the nonsense that I was afraid was going to happen, is happening. No one wants to sh*t on this flick because of “Muh representation”. It’s a female lead, female directed, piece of sh*t. It is. But it’s a fun piece of sh*t and easily the best, of the worst, of the DCEU but it’s still a piece of sh*t. It’s not changing cinema, it’s not some great step forward in representation, and it’s not doing women in the industry a great service. It’s a quirky, violent, nonsense of a movie and should be judged as such. Again, Atomic Blonde is a much better example of ho to “GRRRL power” your way in the box office. Go watch that instead.

The ending to this thing feels rushed and super anticlimactic. I felt bad about it. Seriously. The way this movie resolves, after everything that took place, is just whack, man. It leaves you wanting, especially after how charismatic Black Mask turned out to be more than that, there’s no resolution. No one grows. Everyone is exactly where they were at the start of this f*cking thing. Like, what was the f*cking point? I can tell they wanted me to think that these chicks had grown into something more but did they really? Did we really see any growth out of any one of them not name Harley? Hell, even Harley is still the same motherf*cker! Like, for real, dude? Someone read that script and thought, “Okey-Dokey, this is good enough!” I just wanted to punch this movie in it’s face when it was over. Like, f*ck you, movie.

The Verdict

Birds of Prey is a bad movie. It’s gorgeous to look at, the costumes are amazing, and most of the performances are super strong. However, the plot is stupid, the pacing is on drugs, and the best parts of this flick get, like, no screen time to breathe. The Birds are guest stars in what, very obviously, is not their movie. This really should have been called “Harley Quinn and The Tiniest Bit of an Origin Story For The Birds of Prey” because that’s what it is. Technically, this should have been Gotham City Sirens to begin with but i ranted about that before. Margot Robbie is bad at picking movies to produce and she definitely produced this one. Got her unfortunate and inexperienced fingerprints all over it. Kind of doesn’t matter what should have been, though, this is what we got and this is a sh*t time, for sure. But, it can be fun at times. There is about as much to like as there is to hate especially if you’re open to being blue-balled when it counts. If that sounds like a party to you, check this thing out. If not, you can pass on it. That’s how meaningless this thing feels.

#Birds of Prey and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn #Birds of Prey #Harley Quinn #DC

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smokeybrand · 4 years