#D you don't need a new job after AB closes you need an entirely new team

[klaineownsmysoul]

**Claps hands together**

Ok boys and girls - let’s get out our DC interview checklist and go through it to be sure we’ve noted that everything necessary took place and all the important points were hit.  Keep in mind - this one was billed as an interview discussing his new Broadway role in AB.

Everybody ready?

1. Mention of his marriage and the little wifey is name checked. ✅

2. Obligatory pic of the happy little family so now not only does the internet know what she looks like, everyone who gets ABC has also seen her face. But remember - we as fans shouldn’t be sharing pics of a minor because she can’t consent herself. ✅

3. A rousing discussion of the now 4 year old bar he “co-owns” with the little wifey. ✅

Started by the incredulous moderator who pronounced it very deliberately to be sure she got the name right.  Once that was confirmed as true, we moved into an explanation of why he would allow a business he’s supposedly associated with to have such a shitty embarrassing name (wait - never mind - he clarified that with the charming note that for as long as he’s known her, ((more on that later)) his lovely lady of many moons has been talking about wanting to name her bar that.  So like the good little “yes dear” husband he is, he went along with it. Cool.  And clearly this is where RR fell asleep on the job because - no pics of the bar?  No shot of the classy neon “come inside me” sign?  No shout out to the menu so people can plan ahead and get their orders of period sex and sluteater ready to go?  Remember kids - ice is extra so hit up the ATM before you go in and buy one of these overpriced disgusting concoctions from a rude condescending bartender as you’re asked to get away from the VIP table that no one will be sitting in because who wants to blow that kind of money in a place like this.  Cheers!!

4. A reference to their “great party” and how it was just the best day ever! ✅ But again - no pics of the newlyweds?  How sad.  Think of all the people who may not have seen D unshaven and looking wrinkled and unkempt in that white suit. But even more importantly - there might be people who hadn’t had the pleasure of seeing M in that wedding dress.  How can you deprive them of wondering how someone who had access to the entire Vera Wang catalogue - money clearly no object as mommy works for her - could end up choosing that ill fitting ugly af monstrosity?  It would have been easy to miss hearing about this, as it was such a private and heartfelt affair.  I’m surprised there wasn’t a link shared across the bottom of the screen to the Vogue cover story.

5. More of the “ultimate collab, baby drop, out now” record metaphors that weren’t cute in October and by now have definitely been overplayed and need to stop. ✅

6. A hilarious LOL moment of one of the moderators asking him how he proposed and D doing his usual tap dance around giving an answer. ✅

No joke - I legit LOL’d at that because he’s been avoiding that question for 3 plus years now in the most awkward manner possible.  No one knows what or where it actually took place (Japami FTW) but the possibilities based on what’s been shared include:

          a) he proposed in Japan on vacation but somehow some of their friends              were there as CK mentioned being present “the night her parents got                   engaged” which is so gross so please cut that shit out.

          b) he decided to propose after having an epiphany in the bathroom of a              bar in Miami (that little nugget shared courtesy of his deadbeat manager            who naturally was his first call).

          c) he might have actually proposed in the bar but he’s not really sure and            doesn’t want to talk about (no shit - if my proposal story was that lame                and tacky, I wouldn’t broadcast it either).  Its fitting for her but completely            OOC for someone of D’s depth, intelligence, and emotion.

All he ever had to say was that it was a private moment between the two of them, he would like to keep it that way, and consistently answer the question that way.  Done.  If he’d done that, people would have stopped asking.  Instead he went with some bullshit about not wanting to bore anyone with the details of it which is such a bizarre roundabout way to answer a pretty straightforward question and only gives more credence to the idea that an actual proposal may not have taken place.  Considering the numerous engagement rings that she went through until they got a designer to cough one up, nothing would surprise me. You don’t want to bore us with this, but you’ll freely share a story where your most likely blitzed out bride peed herself at a concert when she couldn’t be bothered finding a bathroom?

7. The ever changing fluid timeline that is the m/iarren relationship. ✅

JL somehow knows/remembers that they went to Disneyland for their first date.  Ok sure why not?  So she knows about a date they had before he landed glee.  Hmm.  I thought their decade of special togetherness preceded the show so I am confused?  Or are you trying to tell me that they are close enough and this ‘date’ was so memorable that he just had to tell her all about it and this sugary sweet night of perfection stayed with her all this time and she just couldn’t keep it in any longer?  I guess that story was so overpowering that it blocked out her memory of going to see D backstage at both H2$ and Hedwig so this was clearly not his Broadway debut.  

She was a little manic overall, frankly, the way she kept jumping in and prompting topic after topic.  It was almost like someone was hitting her with a cattle prod so she wouldn’t forget to keep bringing M up.  

Alright everyone - is there anything we’ve forgotten?  Anything missing from the list?  What’s that now?  There’s about 3 minutes left in the interview and they have yet to touch on AB?  Oh well, that’s just what happens sometimes with D. If you have a partner as glamorous and winning as M is, with as many professional accomplishments as she has and the name recognition that she carries, D’s silly little jobs like a Broadway play just pale in comparison.

One final note from this trainwreck: you knew someone would ask about the baby’s name and he would have to explain it.  I am glad that its not an actual reference to UMich’s nickname.  It would feel a lot more touching and genuine if I thought for one minute he had a partner who could manage that depth of emotion and actually cared about him and his family.  Its still a silly name but I could buy it as a nod to his dad and would just leave it alone.  And just to clarify: she has one musician parent.  The other is a desperate wannabe who has 4 songs in her singing repertoire (none of which sound like music) and plays in a shitty cover band no one has ever heard of that can only book their once a year gigs in venues owned by her family.

My expectations going in were low but holy moly they somehow managed to slide in under them.  Not even a video of my darling Blaine singing, a glimpse of Teenage Dream, and a reminder of his otherworldly performance in ACS could save this debacle.

#D you don't need a new job after AB closes you need an entirely new team #all of them need to go #because this shit needs to stop

[divinerulerluvr]

NSFW Alphabet w/ Kit Walker

Requested by @kitwalker02

This is clearly going to be smutty so you have been forewarned.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

I don't care what you say, this man would do anything to keep you content and comfortable.

He'd hold you in his arms, play with your hair, whatever you wanted, he'd do.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His would be his mouth.

He is very good with his tongue.

He would like your shoulders and neck.

Kit loves to leave little bite marks on your skin and pepper kisses over your shoulders all the time.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

He prefers cumming in you because of his breeding kink.

The idea of getting you pregnant is his favorite thing to think about.

Also fine with cumming in your mouth but only during a blow job.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I feel like he's secretly into damn near anything.

Just as long as he retains some type of control in the situation.

I can't explain it, I just get the feeling being powerless is not enjoyable to him in any way sexual or otherwise.

Likes fucking you for hours.

Like, hours.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

He's experienced.

Not like man-whore experienced, but he's seen and done a thing or two.

As i said, being good with your tongue comes with practice.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Who doesn't love missionary?

The eye contact, the closeness... fuck yes please.

Probably really enjoys it when you ride him just so he can watch you shaking easily.

Likes fucking you on tables/counters.

Again, can't explain it. Maybe it's that kitchen scene but I just have that feeling.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Not entirely goofy, but not entirely serious all the time, either.

Always smiling because he enjoys sex very much.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Just trims it because he really doesn't care.

Also, unrelated, but he's not the type to care if you shave or not. I just know it.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Insanely intimate.

He'll pet your cheek and keep eye contact.

Whispering praises to you (he's definitely a soft dom)

Has a thing for being as close to you as possible.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

I feel like he very rarely does it.

Doesn't think it's weird or anything, he just prefers the real thing.

When you aren't with him, he'll resort to it.

Only if it was the last thing available.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

As I said, he's for sure a soft dom.

Edging

Candle wax

Touching you secretly in public

Teasing

Exhibitionism

Breeding kink

Telling you what to wear

Being in control

Having you suck on his fingers

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bed, a classic

Public bathrooms

The shower

On the front porch of his house

Anywhere where there is a risk of being caught, really.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Cute lingerie

Begging

When you get needy and touchy

Watching you get squirmy in your seat

When you pant his name

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Nothing that would harm you in any way.

Wouldn't dare to.

He might consider it if rules were established and you were on board, though.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Loves getting oral

Primarily because he loves how pretty you look doing it.

Loves the fact you have an oral fixation.

Would tease and torment you by having you suck on his fingers instead of on his dick.

But really enjoys giving oral because knowing he affects you like that drives him nuts.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sweet, baby. Slow and sweet.

He doesn't like aggression so slow would be his go-to.

Most of the time.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

If he really needs you, a quickie is fine.

Prefers normal sex and making it last but sometimes, there isn't an opportunity for it.

He can make you cum like fucking clockwork, too.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Yes.

No condom breeding kink hello

Trying new things all the time.

I.E. toys, different positions, different kinks.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Slut for long and draining sex.

I'd say anywhere from 3-7 rounds. 7 on a good day.

Very good at holding off on cumming to prolong your pleasure.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Very much yes.

I don't think he owns any, but he'd be very down to use a toy on you.

He does have handcuffs and likes to use them a lot.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

His favorite kink.

Teasing touches are his specialty.

In public, he'd have a hand on your thigh and would slowly creep his hand up.

Whispers into your ear dirty things.

"Wanna know what I'll do when we get home?"

"Your skin is so soft, doll. So precious,"

Let's just say the build-up makes the actual sex feel like pure fucking heaven.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Breathy moans I just know it.

Mumbles curse words.

Or your name.

Groans and grunts a lot as well.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

Having sex while high is his favorite thing ever.

Makes everything feel so much better.

He likes how your bloodshot eyes water and the dazed smile on your lips as he fucks you.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Toned muscles on his chest and abs.

Nice arms.

Like, really nice.

Not a doubt in my mind he has a big dick.

Someone had to say it.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Normal, maybe a little above.

Always down with having sex though.

If you're horny, he's more than happy to help.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Likes to lull you to sleep after.

Praising you about how good you had done and kissing your shoulders and neck.

Falls asleep only after you do.

#kit walker #ahs #asylum #request #smutty #what i said it right i take no criticism #400 follower special #kai anderson #evan peters