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contessajellyfish · 3 years

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1/4

when i was in kindergarten, i proudly proclaimed my favorite season was spring. after all, spring brought with it the sweet, tall purple grass and the little patch of tulips that my mom always sat and smiled at.

it's supposed to be a time of change, of endings and new beginnings, of laying in soft green grass and laughing with friends and family and of chocolate squares wrapped in words of an unknown tongue.

but sometimes i guess it is is a bright blue bandana hastily made into an arm sling, while a lemon-scented bathbomb cracks and fizzes on the other side of the room.

we didn't meet in the spring, we didn't even become friends in the spring, but the closest thing i have to a definitive answer about what spring is to me is the way your car seats always lay low, the sickly sweet mixture of coca-cola and sprite and orange soda and whatever else we threw in it it that day stuck to the back of my tongue, the loud music you always sang along to as if there was nothing greater in the world.

i mean, to be fair, i probably should have been in class. but you were right, that there was nothing greater in the world. you weren't right about everything, but that's okay. it's okay.

you're okay. even now, even drinking iced coffee with oat milk and extra carmel drizzle in your rundown apartment. i guess- i just wish i had more of you. that's selfish, i know, but i want to protect you, and not in a romantic way but in the sense that you're a reflective pond and that looking at you, i finally see a me that i'm okay with. we're not the same, you with your sharp angles and me with my soft curves but, hey, we both look good in maroon, and that's enough. it's enough.

2/4

here's the thing, about summer, the thing i found out that hot afternoon where i tricked you into letting me stay over all day and we talked about the napoleonic wars under the shade of that tree and pretended you weren't leaving so soon,

the warmth and the light easily become blinding and suffocating in their affection. they're painful in their embrace, and that's why i sought refuge in your cool, dark basement on that torn up chair.

you always run warm. i think i've told you that before, but the same things that brought me to you in winter, in spring, are the very things that drove me away from you in the summer. well, that, and the whole living-far-away thing.

they always said we made sense for each other, that we were an obvious pairing, so uniquely suited to make up for each other's weaknesses and compliment each other's strengths, but i can't help but recoil from anything steady and unchanging. i know you, i love you, and those are the precise reasons i don't think we would work out.

who knows, thought. maybe in these cold months i'll seek you out desperate and starved for warmth. and when summer comes around again- well. we'll deal with that when the time comes. it's never ended so well before, but maybe it can be different this time.

3/4

october is a hell of a month, isn't it? the autumn air is crisp and the nights are dark and silent, at least until filled with the headlights of an old ford focus and its radio perpetually switching songs too early looking for whatever i thought would make you the happiest that night. or whatever would make you laugh. or whatever would give you that faraway look in your eyes and relax your too-stiff shoulders

we talked to ghosts, holding hands and drinking wine and waiting for whispered replies. we didn't get many of those, but we didn't stop each other from pouring another glass or squeezing tighter, anyhow.

on the nights i can't pretend you don't exist, i fiddle with the trumpet you let me borrow and never came back to retrieve. sometimes i oil the keys slowly, methodically, with reverance i never knew you to have and with diligence and passion you had tenfold.

are we similar, you and i? because from so many angles you seem to be everything i always wished i was, and from other angles i can't see anything but your aching absence. that's an unreasonable, unfair pedestal to put you on, to pretend your only flaw is how hurt you left me. but i hurt you, too, always taking and taking and never giving. i see you as self absorbed, but fuck, what does that make me then?

i would still pick up in a heartbeat if you called me. i still pay for the domain name just to keep your dream possible. i haven't reached a point where i let the leaves rot away and stop thinking about you. i'll get there, soon, after i clean my room and finally ask if you'd like me to mail your things back.

4/4

one of my first real memories of loving you was that afternoon it snowed and i spent lunch watching you dance around and revel in it. the winter was still novel to you, back then. it's not my favorite, though, because my favorite is you and i and him hidden away from the cold and watching tv on a beat-up laptop.

i missed you, when you left, and when you came back i was so uneasy, so unsure, but it turned out everything that made us was just behind a door, and in one night everything just clicked back into place with the turn of a silver, paint stained key i found in my back pocket.

when this is all over, you'll give me a too-many-toothed grin and i'll fall asleep on the drive back from the aquarium, a shocking twist of events that the clownfish can gossip over.

but, you know, i'm still terrified. i still hate the heat in the summer and the cold in the winter, even if the distorted radio static points out that i barely feel either anyway. i still worry i'll cling too tightly when you try to fly. maybe things will go badly again and this time i'll definitely have myself to blame.

but until then, i'll hide under the blankets and stay on call with you as long as you need. it's better not too think too hard about what the next season will bring, anyway.

#my poetry #might edit this one later idk i just feel real weird and need to publish this

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love-hope-faith-feels-like-a-lie · 4 years

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50 questions you’ve never been asked!

Tagged by the lovely @lorelaigilmo, thanks 💕

1. what is the colour of your hairbrush? Black because I’m basic like that.

2. a food you never eat? Tomatoes and mushrooms are just a no no for me.

3. are you typically too warm or too cold? Too cold, to the point my mum gets worried sometimes at me being so cold.

4. what were you doing 45 minutes ago? Reading.

5. what is your favourite candy bar? Kinder bueno is the first thing that came to mind, so I guess that.

6. have you ever been to a professional sports event? Nope.

7. what is the last thing you said out loud? ‘She didn’t even close the door properly.’ I said that to myself as I got up to close my bedroom door.

8. what is your favourite ice cream? Idk, there are so many good flavours that I love, so I guess anything with cookie dough.

9. what was the last thing you had to drink? Some H2O.

10. do you like your wallet? Yeah, I’ve had it for years now and I really need to get a new one but haven’t gotten around to doing so.

11. what was the last thing you ate? French toast.

12. did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Nope, of course not. Why would you think that? Definitely not planning on buying clothes this week too, haha, totally not.

13. the last sporting event you watched? There was some sort of football match on tv, but I stood up and left the room when it was on tv. Wasn’t in the mood to watch any sports.

14. what is your favourite flavour of popcorn? My go to for movie night is sweet. But if I’m making my own, i’ll add so butter on it and add sugar which is really nice. I also quite enjoy the carmel one but rip to my teeth anytime I have any.

15. who is the last person you sent a text message to? My bestie.

16. ever go camping? I’ve never been but I really want to.

17. do you take vitamins? Use to take them on and off but recently I’ve been consistent in taking them.

18. do you go to church every sunday? Nope, but I keep telling myself that I really should and that I will, but when sunday comes round I don’t go. Mostly because I’m lazy as hell.

19. do you have a tan? I wished. I usually get a little bit of a tan when I go on holiday during the summer but right now I’m looking like Casper. At least i’m friendly.

20. do you prefer chinese food or pizza? Pizza is always my go to because It’s what I have more of but love them both and if given the choice I’ll happily feast on both.

21. do you drink your soda with a straw? I can do but I hardly ever drink sodas. They’re not really something I enjoy drinking.

22. what colour socks do you usually wear? A mixture of colours, from black to light pink. Currently wearing light blue socks.

23. do you ever drive above the speed limit? I don’t drive, yet.

24. what terrifies you? Dying. Not being good enough. Failing. A whole lot of stuff that if I keep going will open a can of worms that I won’t be able to shut.

25. look to your left, what do you see? My water bottle, glass with water in it and a Gilmore girls framed poster one of my besties got me for my bday, all on my table.

26. what chore do you hate? Don’t really hate any. Kinda like cleaning. Yep, I’m weird like that but cleaning the bathroom is always long so I guess that’s my least favourite.

27. what do you think of when you hear an australian accent? I think about Chase from House Md.

28. what’s your favourite soda? Not really into sodas, like I rather just have a soft drink or even water but If I had to pick it would be coca-cola cherry.

29. do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thru? Well, I don’t have a car so I have no choice but to walk in like a scrub.

30. who’s the last person you talked to? My Mum.

31. favourite cut of beef? Idk, as long as it’s cooked well and tastes good I kinda don’t care.

32. last song you listened to? Currently listening to Hardest to Love, by The Weeknd.

33. last book you read? Finished Red Queen by Christina Henry the other day and started her new book Looking Glass.

34. favourite day of the week? It’s currently Wednesday because that’s when Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist airs in the UK. But when I was still in Uni it was Friday because that’s when I had my classic movie nights.

35. can you say the alphabet backwards? Not without struggling the whole time.

36. how do you like your coffee? I don’t. I’m not a coffee girl which is sad because Lorelai and Rory would definitely be disappointed but oh wells, it just doesn’t agree with me.

37. favourite pair of shoes? My navy and black converses. I’ve used my navy ones so much that the colour on them look more like a really dirty light blue. Really need to buy new ones. Maybe that might be my next shopping purchase.

38. at what time do you normally go to bed? Around 12-1am but that might change once I’ve finished with my uni exam.

39. at what time do you normally get up? Around 8-9 am

40. what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunsets because i’m very up early to see the sunrise but it's nice too.

41. how many blankets are on your bed? Normally one but it’s been oddly warm lately here and I’ve had to take it off the bed or I would have melted.

42. describe your kitchen plates. Mostly white, but we also have some polka dot ones

43. do you have a favourite alcoholic beverage? Any cocktail really. Gin Martini is pretty good the odd times I’ve made some for me and my mum.

44. do you play cards? Yeah, I love card games. Fav is Blackjack (Switch) played it a lot with my friends back in the day.

45. what colour is your car? We don’t have a car in London but our family car in Madeira is blue with a slight hint of green in it.

46. can you change a tire? Nope but I’ve helped my dad change one last summer.

47. what is your favourite province? *Shrugs* No idea.

48. favourite job you’ve ever had? Probably when I was helping with the summer school program at my school, that was years ago but it was fun and it’s crazy I was getting paid for basically just chilling with other students.

49. how did you get your biggest scar? Burnt my arm on the iron. My mum had just used it and it was on the window so it could cool down. I didn’t know it was hot and when I passed by my arm hit the edge of the iron and burned it.

50. what did you do today that made someone else happy? Helped my mum with some stuff she needed.

This was fun to do and longer than expected.

Tagging: @schnoogles @property-of-jason-todd @supernovaexplosion @harleyquins @regalmadness and anymore who wants to do this too, go ahead.

#tagged #get to know me a little

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lindabeggs30015-blog · 6 years

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Singapore Honours Mount Kinabalu Mountain Guides For Noble Attempts

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