#Because I am a basic bitch

[tmnt-tychou]

You kept me like a secret, but I kept you like an oath.

#tmnt #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2016 #when leo met mona #my art #Taylor Swift inspires a lot of my art #Because I am a basic bitch

[zebratimw]

Spirit animal SQH

#svsss #shang qinghua #but mainly I'm just here to vague post LMAO I don't like to vague post its not very effective in terms of venting but #but basically I guess I'm becoming hyperaware of my like... cognitive dissonance codependency and derealization ee #also my general laziness ig and where it overlaps into executive dysfunction or whatever like I may genuinely have some issues but #I am also a lazy son of a bitch jfjfkgkg and i need to figure out how to figure it out so I can work on both in more effective ways hhggg #oh yeah but basically the thing to remember for later is the silence in the call and the immediate unmute and chat activity once I left #I should remember this and stop interacting I think? I should try to give em space I think I'm being too clingy or something #or maybe my own silence is too awkward and dampens the call? I was kinda just spacing out and not doing anything so I get its kinda weird #LMAO so I should just like try not to be in call for those times mm #I just like being in call with my friends jdhfkg but I suppose its not very good either #I overindulge I suppose another friend pointed it out to me before too haha but fjfjjt its just easier than facing bouts of dread by myself #eehh and that's why I gotta do something about my Metnal Ailneses hfjfj but ngl I don't really know how to go about it... #I get embarrassed looking stuff up djfnfkg and half the time I don't even know what to look up I just draw ?s and I give up #I suppose I also have commitment issues too but that ones not new which is an issue of itself aaaaaaaa #man idk idk I just don't really get it I guess djdjfjf and I've got existential dreads and think maybe it doesn't really matter whats wrong #cause there's no point to fixing them because ultimately I'm gonna die alone and a failure anyways? so like ehfjgkg idk #its depressing and I know its like sabotage cause my brain is being a little silly a little goofy and its not a shared sentiment #with the better half of me and the entirety of my friends but yknow its just ee harder sometimes to believe in the optimism ig #and i can talk about it somewhat normally and without like having a ✨️break down #but yknow djfjgkg I'm very emotional a person ya? I think sqh is relatable for gods sake 💀 #irrationality sentimentality nihilism and existential dreads... wanting to die because living is too hard despite all my hopes for living... #just the ol regulars yknow? #and another thing... do I talk to my friends about these things? I vent them out here a lot but what do I really want? #I'm not strong enough to keep it to myself clearly but I'm also too proud to share these thoughts? I dump them out in the open and for what? #whenever someone reaches out with concern and care I don't respond in kind and refuse to elaborate? #so like what do I want with this? I guess I want someone to know I'm going insane half the time I'm awake? but not do anything about it? #that's pretty unfair I guess... and stupid I think I do want to share my thoughts with someone but I'm too scared of the ramifications #and that my pride can't stand the fact I might be looked differently by my friends even tho the image they have of me is already quite silly #man.... idk.... I'll come to conclusions myself and do nothing about them so I guess that'll happen again aah idk idk idk

[diviedrawn]

I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men I hate men

#no because how are YOU going to assume I had fucking feelings for you because I was being nice to you??? #like I am to ALL MY COWORKERS??? #HOW IS IT THAT ME STARTING BASIC ASS CONVOS ME WANTING YOU LIKE SHUT UP #AND WHY ARE YOU GOING AROUND TELLING PPL THIS LIKE YOURE RUINING THE WORK ENVIRONMENT BC OF IT #and then you have the fucking audacity to ask me if ‘we’re chill’ LIKE WHAT DO YOU THINK #guess I need to start being a bitch at work bc being nice comes off as me wanting you I guess HAHA

[imminent-danger-came]

The 1x00 AHiB -> 4x06 glowup

#this just reminded me I need to make a ''being there for your friends when they need you'' post #because that shit is EVERYWHERE #LIKE THAT'S ALL THEY FUCKING TALK ABOUT #''It's okay sandy! You're always there for us when we need you. The least we can do is be there for you when you need us.'' (4x06) #''No! Mei is my best friend. I'd never abandon her when she needs me—we're heroes! It's what we do!'' (3x10) #''You don't know! We'd risk it for sure! I won't abandon them when they need us'' (4x02) #''As long as I'm doing something to help out a friend- I don't mind what it is! I just want to be there for 'em when they need me.'' (2x08) #''Wukong only values people by how useful they are to him'' (3x08) #''No no honestly—this is exactly what I need right now. I'm trapped under a mountain- but the 6-earred macaque brought me a peach!'' #(4x11) #Literally just the shit off of the top of my head #and then. And then that in contrast with #''I get it. I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?'' LIKE GOD DAMMIT LEGOS #You took the basic bitch ''Help you friends'' theme and went ''But what if helping your friend hurt others'' like come on man #Hello #Where am I #I'm dying. I'm dying #Okay imma go do hw......I guess....whatever.... #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk parallels #lmk Sandy #lmk Mei #lmk Pigsy #lmk Tang #OH GOD ALSO. ''I will become someone they can depend on...the way I can always depend on them!'' (3x08) #AND #''But you're always there when I need you- so it's time for me to return the favor!'' (2x04) #Which also just ties into ''we'll figure this out together'' as a whole right #what. ever.

[sweetdreamsbuck]

this is going to sound sooo silly but I AM so!

I just want to be someone's pretty girl so bad:(

and not because I think i'm pretty, in fact I struggle with seeing that at all– but because someone just needs to adore me and cherish me and make sure I feel so seen, so important, that they just love making me feel special. in turn I get to be called something so soft and sweet and completely their's!

i'm just being emotional and dramatic but I wore a new sweater and did my hair differently today (not anything fancy just differently) and no one at work even spared a glance my way! not that I want attention from any of my coworkers lmao and yes I have the self image and confidence of a worn down run over piece of cement but it would be so nice to have someone to wake up to or come home to who wants to let me know they see me🥺

#this is basically my long winded way of saying I want someone to want me lol #I have never been someone's sweet girl or pretty girl and it genuinely is the only thing I long for #idc if that makes me sound pathetic because I am! #I don't know if this makes any sense but it's what's going through my head #all these romance novels I have been devouring are incredible until I realize I am not anything like these girls the fall HARD for #they are starting to make my........ heart ache #my expectations are high and my self worth non existent! #a bitch is lonely and empty and feeling worthless! #don't come in here with 'a man won't fix that' I KNOW let me just wallow in the feelings lol

[dont-offend-the-bees]

Shit bro first hormone appointment in two days hold my hand

#am excited and scared #idk how honest i should be really #and idk what the guy's like #and I'm excited from a personal standpoint (holy shit yes hormones finally) #but scared/worried from a yknow. societal standpoint. #doing this in 2023 on terf island probably isn't the best move #and idk it's kinda daunting when i could write a laundry list of cons #and the pros list basically just amounts to 'makes me happy c:' #but like. i guess that's transition in a nutshell right? #we don't do this shit bc it's easy #if i could be content with the easy option (i.e. present as cis) #i would do that #bc i fucking hate expending any effort for anything abjsjdjfjdjjsd #aaaaaaa. two days to go. #might all be moot ig. they might reject me out of hand #and if they don't there's a good chance they'll reject me at the second appointment bc of my health #but yeah excited and scared is how I'd put it #but i simply don't think I'll ever know for certain that this is what i need until i try it #because i can second guess/talk myself out of ANYTHING. no joke. #and I'm soooo fucking. tired of being that bitch who's always waiting for shit to happen. #or waiting for the perfect time or whatever #waiting and thinking and waiting and thinking it's all i dooooooo #i need to get out of my fucking head #and i need to do fucking Something that deters perfect strangers from clocking me as female within seconds of knowing me #despite how fucking bewildering that feels to me as like. a soft masc presenting individual. who really doesn't get where they got that from #anyway its not with the gic but it is on the nhs #it's an appt with a local endocrinologist #so if anyone else has been prescribed hormones that way and has any advice/insight on how this appointment might play out dm me lmao #mr. bees speaks

[wonderland-woe]

Was listening to Novocaine by GHOST and Creep-P and was slapped in the face by how much it reminds me of TWST???

Like- you can’t tell me that these lyrics don’t sound like Crowley

“A kind heart like me really doesn’t have to do this

You don’t deserve it

So pay your fees with appreciation

You’re in my debt for as long as you need medication

For a chronic condition”

And then the lyrics also remind me of Yuu’s overall experience of being the only non-magical person at NRC

“And everybody’s watching

Everybody wants to know

What the hell is wrong with you, there!

Over there!

Everybody noticed the abomination inside your mouth”

I’m freaking out???

#twisted wonderland #twst #Novocaine #GHOST #Creep-P #song #music #I feel like I got whiplash #it was like that one meme #the one that goes #hey wait a minute #Novocaine by GHOST and Creep-P #Dire Crowley is a Bitch #I can imagine Mostro Lounge holding a karaoke night #and Yuu whips this song out #and minorly traumatizes the TWST boys #because I am also a firm believer in TWST having basically no gore #and then Yuu starts singing along to a karaoke version of Novocaine #and the TWST boys watch the video #and see someone’s Jaw get RIPPED OFF?!?!?! #please it’s so funny #someone would faint #damn these tags might be longer than the actual post lol

[katyspersonal]

What's your interpretation that the left hand of cleric beast is much bigger that the right?🤔

Well, like I've pointed out before, the only explanation I am seeing is blood ministration being done on the left arm!

However, this might get a little more interesting with the Cleric Beasts, because Emilia is also one, yet her arms are symmetrical!

My closest guess to why it happened is because of something Healing Church has been known to do with female bodies. Namely - do some sort of surgery/manipulation/operation on them in order to change their blood type into 'holy blood' one, which they are able to share with the hunters!

English localization team had to use term "groomed" instead of whatever this actually says, and this is definitely going into top 10 of my biggest headaches with mistranslations! As you can see from the Japanese script retranslation ( x ), the meaning is more literal, implying a procedure. I always felt like it would be a surgery on bone marrow, since this is where blood cells are produced, and doctors in Bloodborne could have learned to alter them into having impossible type of blood!

So, as a female cleric, Amelia might have had her first communion with the holy blood as a Blood Saint, instead of generic blood ministration treatment like apparently everyone else has!

I am still not sure why female staff specifically was the Blood Saints, since apparently blood vials are not menstrual blood, as we can learn thanks to Adeline:

Maybe it could have something to do with menstrual cycle, though, because of the whole cycle of moon vs menstrual cycle thing, and Laurence being affiliated with Moon Presence, and then Micolash also stealing his swag and basing his own institution on:

I'd say this is either some sort of deeply rooted superstition within the setting, or in fact, yes, the holy blood links to the Great Ones who put HELLA importance on blood and birth, so being biologically female is crucial for that link to take intended effects.

Ludwig is an interesting case, though! He was SUPPOSED to have blood ministration too, like Laurence or Cleric Beast of the Bridge! Why would not the first Healing Church hunter and the HEAD of their hunters do something so crucial? Especially since Cleric Beast of the Bridge drops the Sword Badge with which you buy Hunter Chief Emblem, implying that this beast is currently what Ludwig used to be? But his left arm is not bigger. In fact, it is even smaller. So I am trying to think of the variants of what had happened here:

1) Ludwig somehow merged with an actual horse, so his anatomy is simply no longer judged through the same lense

2) Ludwig is a leftie, and this is where he holds his Holy Moonlight Sword, so its effect would be a "remedy" for possible arm deformations

3) Ludwig is not a simple beast, but the one with a lot of Kin features, so his anatomy is simply no longer judged through the same lense (+horses are primarily herbivores, and Kin is associated with the flora in the setting, so maybe that's why he went horsegirl mode instead of getting something weak like antlers lol)

4) Ludwig is trans and actually was the first to get Blood Saint treatment rather than regular blood ministration (+we take Adeline's blood from her right arm, and notice that his right arm is a little bigger)

5) Ludwig is a cis man and was the first biological male who attempted to receive Blood Saint treatment instead of regular blood ministration, but that didn't take the intended effect because the gods Be Like That in the setting + his unusual visions and mutation might be the side effect of that and that's why Healing Church stopped doing that with male organisms. Basically, if a male attempts becoming a living factory for the holy blood, it will go "wrong".

6) Combinations of the above points

.....Okay, that went a little unfocused from the initial topic, but you see my points here! Thank you for the ask!

_________________

Bonus ideas:

- Whereas Ludwig is holding the Holy Moonlight Sword in his left hand, Amelia also is grasping the Gold Pendant in her left hand. So maybe nothing was special about her, but holding a special item in the "effected" hand will remedy the asymmetry effect, and had Amelia not been doing that all the time, she'd be asymmetrical too?

- Amelia using recolored model for Bell-Ringing Woman for her appearance might be not accidental, but a fuel for the headcanon that she has Pthumerian blood too, and Pthumerians might simply evolve differently, or traditionally have different way they' go for the blood communition. Off the top of my head, look at Loran Clerics having same sized arms:

Basically, I can answer why Cleric Beasts and the huntsmen have asymmetrical arms, but not why people like Emilia and Ludwig broke the trend despite being the first in line to have blood ministration normally... Because I just have too many ideas, and my preference usually falls towards the most logical ones, but when there are equally logical ideas I become helpless :')

#bloodborne #cleric beast #vicar amelia #ludwig the accursed #bloodborne theory #bloodborne headcanons #use later #ask replies #i actually like the idea that part of ludwig's suffering is just great ones going 'bitch I said I wanted someone with MENSES for this one' #laurence would also not be above using someone as a lab rat but to his honor he clearly used HIMSELF as a lab rat as well dfsjhfdh #but Ludwig being actually the first Blood Saint is interesting! #he could share blood vials with his own knights right on the battlefield #i am just.. Basically Laurence and Micolash (ESPECIALLY Micolash) deeply resenting not being female works sooo well #I had that whole ass post about how creepy Micolash grew about themes of menstruation and birth and female organism in general #and like it scared myself so much that I legit had bone-chilling fear after reading my own shit that night fdshfhds #meanwhile trans Micolash would 10000% lack genital dysphoria and only want things like his former voice or breasts gone #the deeper you dig into bb lore the more you realize men of this setting tend to be really weird towards womanhood and all attached to it #it is just something I dislike to address because toxic fans tend to use it to bully Gehrman fans and tell cis men that BB is 'not for them #but it IS there too so #WHY I AM TAKING NORMAL ASS ASKS TOO FAR #no but when will it end? lol

[moreclaypigeons]

"they should not make me do school" says the guy who is actively enrolling in college classes,

#sierra speaks #its not my faaault #it is #it literally i #weeping #its classes i like even but how am i supposed to have my personal life together and have hobbies and also have homework #i struggle w homework a lot not bc i am not smart enough to do it but because executive dysfunction is a bitch #its not even that i do things i like instead. i just do basically nothing #and then the other bits of my life get fucked up slowly and that builds up #im literally sisyphus #like wdym i finished this weeks homework but next week im gonna get more.

[fandomsoda]

Reblog this if you’re fucking tired of Errorink being so popular.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s fun to play around with, but it is overdone, never explored right, results in mischaracterization, and fundamentally way less interesting than a lot of rarepairs.

Low key fuck Errorink for being simultaneously oversaturated and underwhelming.

#text post #soda rambles #undertale au #utmv #sans aus #sanscest #i hate the word sanscest #ink sans #error sans #I am going to call you a basic bitch if this is on your favs list because it’s true #not mad just tired

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

.

#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work #blocked it all out #my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer #breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries #they just diagnosed her two weeks ago #so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends #because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well #but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work #on top of my fulltime #which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it #but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this #for the coming four months at least #so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT. #i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes #then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe? #which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week #which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc #i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer #came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry #but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat #bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.” #“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.” #and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually #but seeing her anger made me see my own anger #and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic #i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more #so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise #doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal #and i am not joking #so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back

[cybercanadian]

Boys 🙄

#I met a cute guy a couple weeks ago and we hit it off really well #we texted for a week and a half and he was really nice #we had a date on Friday and it went really well #then he came to my party on Saturday and ended up staying till the end and we semi-hooked up #and we just went for a drink last night and he told me he doesn’t know what he wants rn and basically just wants to be friends #so I’m sad about that #we’re really fresh and I knew this is probably where his head was at because he literally moved here last week #I was just getting excited that there’s a cute guy in town that I could actually be interested in again #a bitch is lonely #and as happy as I am with myself and know I don’t need no man #I still want one lol I’m not built to be single

[nico-di-genova]

.

#I have to rant before I fucking scream #so at my job I am currently handling: marketing jobs (six seperate ones) #running a website basically and uploading one new blog post a day #various projects #invoices #organizing literally the whole office #both physically and in our g-drive #and they just gave me the bday/anniversary board to work on #so I’ve been working on it in as a decompressor between other shit #I’m ahead on all my fucking jobs #so I had some free time #started working on the bday board and my boss turns to me and says ‘do you need something to do?’ #in the most snotty annoyed voice ever #because she fucking hates when I’m working on the board #EVEN THOUGH SHE FUCKING ASSIGNED THIS SHIT TO ME #and started just throwing tasks at me #IM GONNA FUCKING SCREAM #I ALREADY HAVE FUCKING ENOUGH #FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU #anyway I’m in the bathroom seething so I don’t snap on this fucking bitch #and this is why no writing has gotten down #because I get home from this bs and have to sob alone in my room for like three hours to fucking recover #only to wake up and come back into the office to want to kms all over again #I fucking hate it here #I fucking hate this job

[void-tiger]

…what does it say about me that I will literally walk myself through hell for someone I love so long as I can hold onto the assurance that they love me back, anyway.

#tiger’s roar #mental health bullshit #…cptsd is a bitch. this whole situation is. a fucking bITCH. #the only variable that can change…is feeling like I’m setting myself on fire #to try to heal. just to see you again. #because the only alternative is to Not Go #and never see you. basically lose you #which. you’re gonna hate. you’re gonna hate it that I’m gonna do this #but. the only other alternative is. to literally not attend church #…and then never get to see you. either I fight through this and attend. or I don’t #but yeah. I feel Absolutely Wretched just. mentally poking at this. not even stepping foot there yet #but. there IS no other option. and we both know it #and I love you more than I am afraid. I can’t NOT try to see this through. can’t NOT try to heal best I can #but…I feel mentally and physically terrible. and this is just poking at it. to try and see how much work has to be done #…uh. a lot. a lot of work.

[nintooner]

Finally, someone who understands me

#Becoming an adult is going from 'I'd train Electric types because they're really cool' #to 'I'd train Normal types because if I were in the Pokémon world I'd be just as much of a basic bitch as I am in the real world' #I don't need any crazy insane dragons or anything. Just give me Dunsparce and I'll be happy #pokémon scarlet #larry

[ruffgem]

group work is Not It. I should have known better than to enroll in an engagement course that involves planning workshops with a group of other students……. guess who is doing all the work! :^) Back in tha day my teachers called me a ‘natural leader’… fun fact!!!! I am actually not! I do not like being in charge! it is actually just that people take advantage of me! Hope this helps

#God. I wanted to take the class so bad bc it’s about the history of art in prison systems #and it involves a weekly art workshop in a prison #the group that runs it is pretty blatantly abolitionist and partially run by formerly incarcerated ppl #so it’s made pretty clear that we're not ‘teaching’ art bc thats weird and enforcing a hierarchy if ur a 'teacher' #its more like a way to get materials inside and basically hang out with and make art alongside incarcerated ppl #under the guise of ‘volunteering’ as the dept of corrections labels it #anyway that’s all off topic but basically I am doing all the fucking work lmao we’re supposed to go in for the first time tomorrow and #my group members suck shit at communicating and the person who’s supposed to drive is like radio silent whenever I ask #where we should meet and shit #FUCK!!! I hate logistical shit like this #its taken us a million years to get cleared by the system (on purpose i stg) so its literally midterm time and we havent gotten in yet #i swear if our first one gets jeopardized by this girl who refuses to check her damn texts or emails or even come to class im gonna be so #pissed. lmfao #goddddd this is giving me flashbacks to when i took the class where we were supposed to do workshops at an elementary school #different vibe because in that scenario it was definitely supposed to be educational and we lowkey were 'teachers' #but my classmates also didnt do shit and i also ended up doing literally everything #WHY TAKE A CLASS LIKE THIS IF U DONT WANNA DO IT LIKE SERIOUS QUESTION #maybe they just want to put it on their resume LOL #they need a vetting process for this class i stg like interview these bitches before they enroll #cuz some of these people fr do not care