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hrts4soyeon · 1 year

Text

Back To You

Yunjin x fem!reader

Genre: angst, idol!au

Warnings: angst, violence(?), yelling, toxic relationship, cursing

summary: no matter how much Yunjin hurt you you couldn't ever seem to let go of her. Will you ever draw a line or will you continue to go back to her?

Word count: 7,050

a/n: this is my first time writing something other than an essay and I’m not the best in english class so if there are any spelling or grammatical errors pls ignore it i tried my best😕

i know you say you know me know me well

Jennifer huh, you had known her since 1st grade. She was a year older but you were put in a combined class with 2nd graders. You had been sitting to the side isolating yourself while everyone ate together and talked, you had always kept to yourself. This fascinated her. Jennifer was known as the popular girl who was friends with everyone. Everyone loved her because although she was popular it never seemed to change her personality. She remained the nicest person in class, always helping the teachers and students out. You weren't a bad kid either, quite the opposite actually. You took smartness to a whole new level, that was the reason you were in the mixed class, you were amongst the smartest 1st graders

You weren't hard to look at either. In fact by 3rd grade you already had admirers, but by 4th grade all of them had disappeared. Whenever one of the boys would try to talk to you you’d turn red due to your stuttering and before even 3 words were out your mouth you'd run away.

Jennifer took interest in you, despite the fact that you constantly strayed from her. Most people would just take the hint and leave but she was persistent. This seemed very strange to you as no one ever tried this hard. You did want to be her friend but for some reason you couldn't bring yourself to even respond to her.

By 4th grade you and Jennifer were inseparable, you two did everything together. All her persistence really did pay off in the end because by 8th grade it was her who was trying to run away from you. Of course she still loved you more than anyone but you could be overbearing at times and with her short temper things often didn't end well.

“GOD WHY CAN'T YOU GO FIND SOME OTHER FRIENDS AT SCHOOL! YOU KEEP CLINGING TO ME AND IT'S ANNOYING I CAN LITERALLY NEVER CATCH A BREAK FROM YOU!”

‘She doesn't mean it, she doesn't mean it’ is what you'd repeat to yourself whenever these situations arrived. You'd been friends with her since before her temper was so out of control and you knew her, the real her. She said a lot of things out of anger and you knew that. She had brought this topic up before a bit more calmly and so you knew her blowing up was your doing.

“I'm sorry, I'll try to change and get more friends to stop annoying you.” you said trying to keep your voice from wavering even more than it had been. But as soon as she processed the small waver in your voice her whole demeanor shifted, you could see her physically melt.

“I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have blown up at you like that, but you know how I get mad easily and if you had just listened to me none of this would've happened. I'm just stressed out and I hope you can forgive me, I'll try to be better and control my anger.”

“nono don’t apologize, I'm sorry I should've just listened and I will, I'll try to give you space at school.” After this left your mouth she walked up to you and hugged you.

but these days i don't even know myself (no) i always thought i'd be with someone else i thought i would own the way i felt (yeah)

“y/n, wanna come to my home after school?”

“I have a lot of homework and I have plans with mina…..” just as you were about to decline you saw her looking at you with that look, the look you could never deny.

“-but i think i could move the plans with mina to tomorrow.” at the sound of you relenting she started squealing and hugging you.

“Meet me after 7th period and we can walk home together.” she said with a wink as she walked to her next class.

Mina Myoui, she was a year older than you just like Jennifer meaning you two didn’t share the same classes. You two shared only one class which was math. You were both also very introverted so it took a while for this friendship to blossom but once it did you were so glad Jennifer told you to find new friends.

You stopped clinging to Jennifer as much and spent a lot more time with Mina, and found you two were very similar. You even thought you were developing a crush on her, she was just so perfect. She never got mad at you and was always calm, she loved to listen to you and your problems and to top it all off she was definitely one of the prettiest people you had come across. She had such delicate yet elegant features. She had definitely been a queen in her past life.

You wanted to tell Jennifer about this little (almost?) crush on Mina but knowing Jennifer she would probably be fuming with the thought that you’d replaced her. On top of being easily pissed off, Jennifer Huh was also a person with a lot of jealousy in her and you didn't want to do anything to upset her.

The more you hung out with Mina the more you realized that maybe this wasn't a crush, you felt almost the same way towards Mina as you did to Jennifer. Jennifer was your bestest friend. You couldn't like her right? That would be weird, you guys had known each other since you were in 1st. You guys were basically siblings, right? The more you thought about it the more you felt sick by the thought that Jennifer saw you as just a sister.

School had ended and you were both in Jennifer's room sitting on her bed when she suddenly said ‘we need to talk’ . This took you by surprise as you didn't think you had done anything to upset her this past week, you were very nervous. Her whole demeanor changed, she sat up straight and had a serious look on her face.

“Okay uhm, I've been thinking about doing this for a while now but i haven't had the courage to actually confront you and say something about it. I uhh ever since I saw you in first grade I always thought that you were different from the rest of the students, you stayed to yourself and you uhm even when guys would talk to you or confess to you, you would always run away and you never really let anyone in. i think i was pretty determined and i eventually got you to open up and now i have you forever, and even though i can be such a shitty person and friend at times you never leave me. You could have ditched me so many times and I bet others would too, hell I would leave myself, but you never left me. You’re like the best person I know and I don't know what I'd do without you — anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I love and appreciate you so much but I don't want to be your friend anymore, I can't be.” as soon as you heard her last sentence your heart dropped in your chest and tears started welling up in your eyes, your smile now a deep frown. This couldn't be happening, Jennifer was your whole world.

“Y-y-you d-don't wanna be my f-friend any m-more?” you stuttered out the tears in your eyes almost falling as you will yourself to hold them back, but alas one single tear drop fell. With the fall of that one tear drop it was as if a dam had broken, all the tears you had tried to hold back were coming down nonstop.

Jennifer immediately reached out and wiped you tears with her thumb as she took a hold of your face.

“No, I don't wanna be your friend, I wanna be more. I love you, but not in the way I'm supposed to, I love you as in I wanna hold and kiss you, I wanna introduce you to everyone as my girlfriend. I don't want you to like, love, or hold anyone but me, I want all your friends to know that you belong to me and I belong to you. What do you say, be my girlfriend?” hearing this you started sobbing even harder while nodding your head. Not even in your wildest dreams would you have dreamt of THE Jennifer huh, the most popular girl in your school to want you. Maybe she didn't see you as a sister after all, maybe you didn't see her as one either

Seeing you nod, Jennifer pulled your face to hers and crashed your lips together. This was all she had wanted for as long as she could remember. You tried your best to respond to her kiss but you honestly had no idea on what to do, you had never kissed anyone before. Jennifer being the most popular girl, had been in relationships so she obviously had experience.

She pulled away laughing at the fact that you couldn't respond to the kiss

“whattt, you know I've never been in a relationship nor kissed anyone.” you said whining

She chuckled and responded by saying that she’d teach you how to kiss and that you would never kiss lips that were not hers. You spent the rest of the time in her room just kissing and her demonstrating and telling you what to do.

Dating Jennifer sent you through a whirlwind of emotions. You were confused, confused about what you felt towards Mina and how that differentiated from your feelings towards Jennifer. You loved Jennifer, you really did but that left you with questions about your feelings for mina. You thought what you felt with Mina might've been a bit stronger than what you felt for Jennifer, but you couldn't risk losing them both, you weren’t sure about your feelings for Mina, not even sure if they’d be reciprocated but Jennifer was there. She loved you, you loved her, and you loved Jennifer too much to let her go, too much to put your own feelings before hers. Telling yourself that Mina was nothing more than a friend you found yourself slowly believing that.

You couldn't tell whether you were happy or disappointed as Mina's expression did not change when you told her you were dating Jennifer. For the most part she seemed happy for you and you tried to tell yourself that you were even happier with that.

It was a new school year, mina and Jennifer were now seniors and you a Junior. As much as you tried to tell yourself you didn't like her, your feelings for Mina were not going away as fast as they should have been and you were starting to get worried. You tried to distance yourself from Mina and told yourself it would benefit yours and Jennifer's relationship.

Your mentality that this was the right thing came crashing down when you saw mina’s face as you bailed on her for the 2nd time that week. Telling her you had too much homework and couldn't hang out with her. The way her face fell hurt your heart and within the minute of you two just standing there in silence you realized how selfish you had been, only thinking of your own feelings and not minas. You’d never felt more shitty, you couldn't stand seeing anyone else sad at the doings of your own especially not Mina. You immediately took back what you said and asked her if you guys could first go to your home first to finish a bit of homework before going out.

The way her face lit up when all you had done was go through with your plans made your heart crumble. You promised yourself you'd never be the cause of a sad expression on her face again.

The more you hung out with Mina the more you realized maybe this was the right way to get over your feelings for her. You both would talk about Jennifer and it made you realize how much you loved her and never wanted to lose her. Mina was ecstatic at seeing her best friend so happy with another. You found your mind leaving Mina and focusing on Jennifer. You questioned yourself and wondered how you ever doubted your feelings for jennifer.

I call you but you never even answer i tell myself i'm done with wicked games

Huh Yunjin, her Korean name. Seeing as she was in Korea it only made sense for her to go by it now. Both you and Yunjin had moved to Korea a while back, pursuing a life of fame. She was now a trainee at HYBE while you were at JYP. The original plan was for you two to enter the same company but fate had other plans. The day Yunjin was accepted into HYBE you were accepted into JYP. You both had applied to a lot of agencies and been accepted but these were the first BIG companies to reach out to you. Taking into account that you’d see Mina more often you accepted the fact that HYBE didn't accept you and chose to join JYP.

“This is the second time you’ve called her within the 30 minutes you’ve been here, just accept that she's not picking up.'' Mina said with a groan as you put your phone down.

“She never answers, I know she’s probably overwhelmed with work right now seeing as she's set to debut in a month but I wish she could at least send me a text.”

“But aren't you set to debut in 2 months, just barely a month after her?” Mina responded making you think about it. But it was different, her debut was closer to happening than yours. You knew of her dream to be famous and you shared that dream with her, if she wanted to be an idol she had to prioritize that over everything, right? You understood that and so that's what you said to mina.

“She's gonna debut sooner though and I can't be her top priority, her job has to be.” after processing what you had just said minas head snapped towards you looking at you like you had gone mad.

“I'M an idol y/n i've been an idol for years and trust me when i say that's not an excuse, don't you remember when you were still in New York and i was in Korea? Although I was an idol I still made time for you. Look at yourself, you're in the same position as her yet here you are clearly prioritizing her.” you didn't know what to say in response to this, you wanted to deny it to say that you've matured, that you didn't let Yunjin walk over you anymore but even you knew that was a lie.

“Okay okay, I'll talk to her after things are less stressful for her and I'll make sure that she sees me as a priority, and I'll make sure she sticks to her word.”

But then i get so numb with all the laughter that i forget about the pain

You were currently in Yunjins dorm which she shared with Eunchae and Chaewon. You all were in the kitchen eating, you found yourself coming here often after their debut. You had come to talk to her about her recent behavior, how she promised she would change but hadn’t at all. You got caught up with everything else though and the thought to tell her completely slipped your mind.

“So y/n how does it feel to have your official debut in a couple of weeks?” Chaewon asked

“Honestly it feels unreal. I still can't believe it's gonna happen, I'm so excited.” you responded, a huge grin on your face at the thought that your name would be out there in a couple of weeks.

“Okay now for the good stuff, who's your favorite member?” Eunchae asked, wiggling her eyebrows.

“They're all my favorite butttt haewonnie, and only ‘cause we’re closer.” you responded. You loved them all but if you were being honest it was definitely Haewon. They all gasped at the revelation. You noticed Yunjin looking at you a bit weird but you brushed it off saying it was nothing.

“Okay, okay but who’s your favorite le sserafim member?” Chaewon asked, all three of them looked at you expectantly

“Hmmm, if I had to choose Kazuha.” You said her name really fast, almost slurring it but they all had caught it and saw the grin growing on your face.

“I'M TELLING KAZUHA UNNIE THIS!” Eunchae shouted as she pulled out her phone to text this to Kazuha.

“We’re over, I can’t date someone who prefers my member over me.” Yunjin said in faux disappointment, acting as if she would start crying.

You got up, walked around the island and went to hug her while saying sorry and that you loved her more while laughing.

“Okay but you don’t count because my love for you is indescribable and if I were to bring you into it then none of your members would even have a chance.” She seemed to be satisfied by this and grabbed your face to plant a soft sweet kiss on your lips

“EWWW THERE'S A KID HERE!” Eunchae said, screaming while covering her eyes.

Chaewon on the other hand was awwwing at how cute you too were while you had your face flushed red and hidden in Yunjin's chest. You and Yunjin had been dating for years yet you still had the same red face every time she initiated physical contact.

(Woah)You stress me out, you kill me, you drag me down, you fuck me up we're on the ground, we're screamin' i dont know how to make it stop i love it, i hate it, and i can't take it but i keep on comin' back to you

“God, you’re so possessive. get over it! I can have friends other than you, you’re always trying to dictate my relationships and I’m SO over it!” She yelled at you, and you whimpered at her harsh words

Your lips slowly formed a pout feeling your lips wobbling, a telltale sign you were gonna start crying. Usually the sight of you crying would calm Yunjin down but it didn’t this time, it only infuriated her more.

“Oh my god, no way you’re gonna start crying now.” She said in disbelief as you tried to hold back your tears to prove her wrong.

“I'm sorry for actually feeling emotions, unlike you. Am i not allowed to be upset when i see millions of people shipping you, MY girlfriend with another. And it's not like you do anything to beat the dating allegations. Pulling her onto your lap calling her pet names you should be using on ME!” you said panting as you had screamed all that out.

You thought that maybe getting all that out she’d understand at least a little of how you were feeling. You saying all that though was a huge mistake, it only made her even more mad, you only realized your mistake when you saw her mouth open and the look on her face of complete rage.

“Ohh so now this is my fault? My fault for being comfortable with my friends? Have you ever seen me comment on your relationship with Mina? You're basically dating her with how close you two are, you call her every name in the book, you literally call her your soulmate. Have I ever said anything about that? No, because unlike you I was happy when you finally found a friend that wasn't me and I encouraged your friendship with her if anything. Stop acting as if you own me, you're genuinely such a shitty person, what the hell do you want from me? For me to completely isolate myself from all the girls? As my girlfriend you should be happy for me, that i have such good friends in my group but nooo. This is what I get? I can really see where your priorities are.” if you weren't crying before you were definitely sobbing by now.

You were always a sensitive person and hearing all this coming from her made you wanna bury yourself in a hole. You never felt more selfish and it made you so mad at yourself for only thinking of your feelings. You understood where she was coming from and all you could think of was how to make this up to her.

You knew you could counter her points easily as you and mina still had boundaries and she knew about how you ignored mina for the first few weeks of you two dating. It was because you were unsure of your feelings towards Mina but that wasn't the only reason. You saw that Yunjin was getting jealous with the thought that you cared more about Mina as more than a friend. This was also a major reason as to why you distanced yourself from Mina.

You also talked to her about it, you asked her if she was comfortable and fine with you and mina being friends. After that conversation she never doubted your relationship with mina. You could also bring up the fact that you and Mina shut down ANY idea of you two dating when your friendship was first discovered by the public. You had always made it known how good of a friend Mina was. You and Mina were known as nothing more than friends.

But alas, you didn't want to fight anymore, you just wanted this to stop. You loved her and she loved you and as her lover causing these problems shouldn't be a thing you should do.

“I'm sorry babe, you're right I was being unreasonable and you are allowed to have friends, i don't want you to think you aren't. I just really don't want to fight anymore. Can we please just go to sleep? I love you and I don't like fighting with you.” you said sniffling and wiping your tears as you walked towards her wanting a hug.

You could tell by the way she wrapped her arms around you she didn't want to, but seeing you crying and looking to her for comfort for the tears she caused made her happy. She was happy that she was the one you found comfort in no matter the reason, but it did not overlook the fact that she was still MAD. you were aware of this fact yet you didn't let it phase you as you held onto her shirt tighter burying your face in her chest as you gripped her shirt in your fists.

Yunjin wanted so badly to embrace you tighter but she couldn't, she wouldn't. You needed to know that you couldn't just pull this shit then expect it all to go away as soon as you cry. It hurt her to hurt you like this but your words really made her mad and the more she thought of your guyses fight the more her sympathy for you left.

She wouldn't leave you alone crying though, as mad as she was at you she wasn't heartless and she still cared for you a lot. She picked you up bridal style and carried you to your room, your face still buried in her shirt and you hiccuped in between your sobs. She laid you down slowly and as soon as her back hit the bed you snuggled up against her and soon enough you fell asleep. When your members came back to the dorm they awwed at the sight of you two snuggled up together and took pictures of it not knowing about the fight that transpired leading up to it.

The next morning when you awoke she was gone, all she left behind was a small note saying to text her when you weren't as selfish and didn't think you could dictate her relationships. You silently sobbed as you read the note knowing you couldn't cry too loud or else your members would hear and they would worry for you.

You didn't want anyone to see Yunjin in a bad light, especially not your members. That morning Yunjin’s phone was blown up with messages from you telling her how sorry you were and that you would never ‘dictate’ her relationships again, and begging her to respond(she didn't).

I know my friends they give me bad advice, like move on get you out my mind, but don't you think i haven't even tried you got me cornered and my hands are tied

It had been a whole two weeks since Yunjin had unofficially ended things with you, you hadnt left bed other than to go to mina’s dorm and lay in her bed. The only thing that kept you going was the thought that she hadn’t fully ended things.

“Dude, just stop thinking of her, it's that simple. If you don't think of her you won't remember what happened and you won't be depressed. Also when will you tell your members about the break up?” Mina said from right next to you as you were both lying in her bed.

“Ughhh it's really not as easy as you say, you've been there since we started dating. Of all people you should get that, and it's not like I wanna be hung up on her, and it’s not an official break up, just a break. Shes doing this for the stupidest fucking reason too, Like maybe if it was something serious but this!? This is literal bullshit.” you said your arms flailing around trying to get your disbelief at this whole situation out.

“Babe you and I both know you definitely don't wanna get over her with those daily messages and I think I know the reason you haven't told your members. I just wanna hear you say it so you can hear for yourself how badly you still want her.”

“Okay, maybe I don't wanna get over her, but is that so unexpected? We've been together for years. I love her more than anyone, and yes i haven't told the members because if she does accept my apologies and does take me back then i don't want them to see her in a bad light. I don't wanna give them a reason to dislike her because I know they'll hold it against her by seeing how badly the ‘breakup’ affected me.” you replied looking down at the fingers you were fiddling with.

Even mina didn't know the full truth, she obviously knew most of it but not all of it, always the one to protect Yunjin you were. She obviously knew about how bad Yunjin’s anger issues were, that was common knowledge. You had told her about the fight but left out the parts that you could've said to counter Yunjins statement.

She didn't think either of you were wrong, although she obviously favored you as you were her best friend. She wanted to hate Yunjin for doing this to you and making you so sad but she couldn't. Not with knowing how much the girl loved you. She knew this would pass, no way you two could stay away from each other.

You got me so addicted to the drama i tell myself i'm done with wicked games but then i get so numb with all the laughter that i forget about the pain

Minas' predictions turned out to be true, the next day Yunjin messaged you back. You were ecstatic, she had asked to meet up with you to talk and you obviously agreed.

“I'm so sorry Jen, I was really wrong and I don't think I can bear to lose you. You're the love of my life, the only person I'll ever love, please take me back.” you said all in one breath looking at her intently.

“Nono, I'm sorry,I was such a dick. I promise you I'll never do ‘this’ again or even hurt you again. This break made me realize how much I needed you and how much I can't live without you. I love you so much, so please, will you take me back?” she asked with uncertainty as she stared at you, you felt the same way you felt back in her room all those years ago when she confessed to you, and she looked the same.

Your reply was obviously a yes, a big yes. You jumped on her and squeezed her as tight as you could while crying. You were so happy, this was WAY more than what you expected, she had actually reflected on her actions and apologized. You were over the moon.

And I guess you’ll never know all the bullshit that you put me through and i guess you'll never know, no

Breaking news: LE SSERAFIM’s Huh Yunjin seen out with aespas Ningning! Both of them getting a little closer than usual friends, if the angles were better god knows what we’d have seen.

What. The. Fuck. Those were your only thoughts as you read through the article then saw the pictures below. You couldn’t tell because of the angle but it definitely looked like they were kissing. You didn’t know how to feel, your members burst into your room looking at you worriedly. By the look on your face they could tell you had seen the news.

Everything was hazy, you just asked Haewon to drive you to Minas place and she obliged seeing the state you were in. You were completely silent the whole way there, the whole car was silent except the faint sound from the outside of the car. It was like you had turned off your emotions, but as soon as you saw Mina waiting there on the sidewalk for you you burst out into tears

Mina knew you’d come to her after reading the news of what happened and so she sat there waiting at the gate of her apartment building. As soon as you stepped out of the car she saw that you burst into tears. She ran up and to your side to hug you and lead you into her apartment.

You knew that many other people lived in this building and that they could all see you sobbing into Mina’s shirt but you didn’t let that phase you. Other opinions on you were the last thing on your mind.

“I’m going to beat the fucking shit outta her.” Those were the first words to leave Mina's mouth once you entered her flat.

She was pacing around the room, her hands running through her hair, you didn't think you'd ever seen her more mad. Mina was always the calm one, the one who never let anything get to her. This time Mina was livid, she was so done with Yunjin pulling this type of stupid shit and you forgiving her,

You wanted to say something, scream even, but you couldn’t get any words out of your mouth. Whenever you started crying really hard, the sobs would always be followed up with hiccups and because of this you couldn’t seem to speak.

“I…” you felt so frustrated, you wanted to speak, tell her how mad you were but you couldn't seem to get it out.

Seeing this Mina sat down next to you, her anger seeming to dissolve at the sight of you, she wrapped her arms around you and didnt say anything. She just sat there with you, Mina had known you since you were in 8th grade, she knew how to calm you down.

After a while of crying you calmed down a bit. The small things Mina had been whispering to you had helped a lot and you finally felt like you could speak.

“I-I can't believe she would do this, I can't believe she would throw everything away like this— am I not good enough? Where did I go wrong?” you sobbed out into Minas shirt.

Minas heart broke seeing your state of distress, she had never been more mad. She wanted to kill Yunjin at that very moment, you deserved so much better than that cheating bitch. She wanted desperately to say this to you but she knew it wouldn't do you any good so she kept these feelings to herself.

NMIXX’s l/n y/n seen crying at TWICE’s Mina’s apartment building with Mina comforting her just 20 minutes after Huh Yunjin was seen with Ningning. Could there be a connection between these two idols? We’re aware of Yunjin and y/n’s friendship but could it be something more?

Comments:

Anonymous: omg i was there when y/n arrived at the building, mina ran to her side and guided her all the way up. Poor y/n she's so lucky to have a good friend like mina but istg if huh yunjin had anything to do with this ill hunt her down.

Anonymous: this is what ive been saying!!! y/n and yunjin are wayyy too close to be normal friends. Huh yunjin sucks ass, she cheated on my girl y/n and god knows what else shes done.

Anonymous: y/n come be with me, id never cheat on you or put you through what yunjin does. God knows how yunjin even pulled y/n, y/n is like an angel and to cheat on her is actually insane. Who in their right mind would cheat on THE l/n y/n!

Fuck, fuck, fuck. That was the only word going through Yunjins mind, how could she have been so careless and gotten caught? As she read the comments on the article she felt even worse than before, y/n gave her everything she needed. Why did she have to be so dumb? Why had she gone out and ruined everything?

As soon as Yunjin arrived at her dorm she mentally prepared herself for what her members were gonna say. She took a deep breath, unlocked the door and entered. She found all of her members sitting on the couch in her living room in silence as she walked in and headed towards them. Kazuha had to be physically restrained by Chaewon so as to not hurt Yunjin right then and there. She was the closest out of the members to you and she wanted nothing more than to deck Yunjin in the face.

“Why, why would you do that to her? She's literally the girlfriend ANYONE would kill for, she's perfect, she could easily bag anyone in this industry yet she chose you. Why would you do this to her?” Chaewon asked Yunjin in a calm tone which surprised Yunjin, she looked like she'd explode any minute. Her face was red and Yunjin could almost see the smoke coming out of her ears.

“I don't know, I don't know, I don't know why I did it, I wish I didn't. I really wish I could take it back.” Yunjin said, her hand running through her hair as she stood in front of everyone.

“You only wish you could take it back because you were caught, if this wasn't released i bet you wouldn't regret it, hell I bet you’d do it again.” Kazuha said and Yunjin could hear the anger seeping into her voice.

Yunjin couldn't say anything to retort that because she honestly didn't know if she would. she wanted to say she wouldn't that she regretted it because she loved you but was that really the truth?

(yeah) so you can cut me up and kiss me harder you can be the pill to ease the pain 'cause i know i'm addicted your drama baby here we go again

“Baby please, just listen to me, please just give me a chance to explain.” Yunjin begged as she stood at Mina's door, Mina had made the mistake of opening it not knowing who was at the door and now Yunjin wouldn't leave.

“Get the fuck out.” Mina said through gritted teeth, she had balled her fists up, and was trying her best not to hit Yunjin. She swore if she didn't leave in the next 5 minutes she wouldn't hold back anymore, for the sake of you though, she endured 5 minutes.

“Please just let me talk to her.” Yunjin begged as she tried to look over Mina's shoulders to get a look at you but Mina had completely blocked any views inside.

“I swear to god if you don't leave right now…'' Mina said, again trying to get Yunjin to leave but for obvious reasons Yunjin hadn't given up and Mina had counted 5 minutes.

Mina had never been a violent person, nor someone to get angry easily but Yunjin was really getting on her nerves and her not leaving pissed her off even more. The next action Mina took came as a big surprise to Yunjin because she would have expected this from anyone but mina. Mina had decked Yunjin square in the face.

Mina had not held back AT ALL on this punch as it sent Yunjin to the ground with a bleeding nose and a cut on her lip caused by Mina’s ring. She held her face in her hands as she looked at Mina dumbfounded. She got up but she didn't attempt to hit Mina in return. She knew this was of her own doing and Mina was not to blame for being a good friend.

Hearing a loud thump on the ground, you ran out of Mina's room and to the door to see Yunjin with blood dripping from her mouth and nose. You held your hand over your mouth in a gasp as you looked at Mina. She simply shrugged and said ‘she had it coming’ you brushed past Mina and out the door to Yunjin.

“Mina I'm gonna go with her now, if she's this determined to talk to me then I guess i have to talk to her. You kissed Mina on the cheek and hugged her as you whispered ‘i'll be fine’ in her ear. This didn't help calm down Mina's worries though.

“Anything happens you call me, alright?” you nodded in response to this as you left with Yunjin letting her wrap her arm around your waist.(only because she was hurt right?)

As you two reached the ground level of the building you realized that you two would most likely be seen by paparazzi. They would see her bloodied face, as you were gonna start worrying about that you felt Yunjin come to a stop, you were in front of her car.

“I'm driving.” you said with no room for arguing, hearing your tone she simply handed you the car keys as she got in the passenger's seat.

The car ride to her dorm was relatively silent, you figured you were gonna go there, seeing as if you were to take her to your dorm she’d definitely leave with a couple of broken bones. Yunjin was on her phone to text into the le sserafim group chat to tell them to leave because she was bringing you there.

While waiting in the elevator to reach the floor in which her dorm resided you were scrolling on your phone and you saw your earlier suspicions confirmed. There was an article written on how Yunjin had left your dorm with blood on her face and holding you. You almost laughed at how fast they were to write these articles.

You still couldn't believe this was happening, everything was happening so fast you almost didn't process it, this felt like a dream. A really really bad dream, you even pinched yourself in case this was a dream. If this was a dream it would definitely be the worst one you've had.

When you two entered her dorm it was completely empty, she led you to her room and motioned you to sit down next to her on her bed. As much as you hated her at this moment you didn't want to leave her with blood on her face as you talked to her so without saying anything you went to enter the bathroom that was connected to her room.

You practically lived here, even having a toothbrush left here so you knew where everything was. You looked in the drawer that had all the first aid stuff and pulled out the first aid kit. You sat down facing her on the bed and she turned her body to face you too. You took her face in your hand as you picked up an alcohol pad and gently wiped the blood off of her cut lip.

Usually this would hurt but even when you were kids, Yunjin never made a big deal when she was hurt. She was always strong, especially when it came to getting hurt. As a kid you admired her for this, you always thought she was really cool for keeping a smile on her face when the teachers would put alcohol on her injuries.

You would always call her your strong girl, she loved that nickname and you loved her. But would she even be your girl anymore? The thought that she wouldn't be made you want to lock yourself in a room and never leave. She was the only person you would ever love. if it wasn't her you wouldn't love anyone else, you only wanted her. But did she even want you?

You didn't notice when you started crying, you only realized it when you felt her soft hand caress your face. She slowly wiped your tears and when you realized you were crying you started crying even harder.

“Why? Why did you have to like someone else? Where did i go wrong, i only ever loved you and i'll only ever love you. Please don't leave me, you're all I have, I swear I'll be a better girlfriend. I swear I'll make you love me more.” you begged in between sobs, you told yourself you wouldn't go back, you couldn't.

But you couldn't help it, you would always go back to her.

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crossdressingdeath · 3 years

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Hi 1st of all I love your blog and the opinions posted here and I agree with most of it but I have to say I think you and a lot of people are too harsh on jfm.

For starters I think it is often downplayed how abusive and fucked up his relationship with yzy is. Just think about it, those 2 must've been married for around 20 years and that's without counting their years of "courtship" (just thinking about how yzy would "court" jfm, especially if it's anything like jc's way, makes me already feel bad for the poor man) but during those years for almost every day yzy would yell at jfm, demean him, insult him, question his honor and love for his children and no matter what jfm says or does she would always find a way to take his words and actions out of context and use them to attack him and she also did all of this right in front of his kids, his ward, his disciples, the servants, and literally anyone present at the moment, that's so fucked up and cruel and it's no surprise that after years of this treatment jfm becomes so passive and detached, 2 decades of constant emotional and verbal abuse and gaslighting would break even the toughest of men much less a quiet pacifist non confrontational introvert like jfm. In fact it's a testament to jfm's self control that at any point during their marriage he didn't try to strangle yzy or drown her in the lake because that woman is so vile.

That's why it annoys me when I see people say stuff like "well if YZY was so abusive why didn't he divorce her or kick her out of LP " because it's the same sort of thing men who have abusive female partners have to hear IRL. It's easy to suggest that jfm should've just kicked yzy out or fought back but it is not so simple, let's suppose he told her off do you think she would back down? No she simply would lash out harder and up the antics until jfm lets her have her way and if he tries to fight back she will just go take her rage out on somebody else (most likely wwx or even the disciples and servants) and let's be real divorce is not as easy an option as it sounds (there is a reason so many people stay in abusive relationships for years even when they could just leave) for starters after so many years of gaslighting and manipulation jfm probably believes most of yzy's vitriol and thinks that he is indeed in the wrong and he deserves yzy's treatment also abusers never react well to losing control over their victim (especially ones as narcissistic and violent as yzy) and are more likely to hurt them than allow them to leave so it's not unreasonable for jfm to fear what yzy would do to him or his family and ward if he tried to kick her out, then there's also the fact that jfm and yzy's marriage is a political match involving an alliance between Yunmeng jiang and Meishan Yu and there will certainly be repercussions for jfm and his sect if he ended the marriage.

Yes jfm wouldn't be winning any "father of the year" awards but honestly what could he have done when stuck with someone as toxic violent manipulative and vile like yzy than keep his head down and pray that she will get tired and leave them all alone for a few days at least, his life must've been a nightmare since the moment that woman became his wife and it pisses me off when people blame him for things that are yzy's fault or make him the bad one.

Sorry for the rant I was just having a lot of jfm feels because that poor man really deserved better

I get what you’re saying about men with abusive wives, but... this is an extremely patriarchal society. You cannot equate the dynamics of a married couple now to the dynamics of a married couple in this setting. He could have kicked her out or locked her up easy. I’m no expert, but I suspect he wouldn’t even have to offer any concrete proof; especially not in this situation, where she’s all but tripping over herself to insult him and his sect. In this setting it is literally that simple. She gave him plenty of reasons. Like, I feel like you’re underestimating just how powerful he is here! As the husband in this relationship and a sect leader he had an insane amount of power to discipline her! And her family did not have the clout to pick a fight if he divorced her for her various misdeeds (including... y’know, slander and such? I think you’re also underestimating just how serious her actions are! She’s straight up damaging the reputation of the sect! As a sect leader I’d argue he actually had a responsibility to get rid of her!); Yunmeng is a great sect and JFM is a popular sect leader, Meishan is only mentioned in relation to YZY. That... doesn’t suggest they’re all that powerful outside of their ties to Yunmeng.

And here’s the thing: yes, it wouldn’t have been easy, but as a sect leader with his reputation to uphold and disciples to guide and protect and as a father with children relying on his care with all the power in the relationship it was his RESPONSIBILITY to protect his children and ward. This isn’t your typical battered wife situation with him begging her to leave them alone but unable (physically or mentally) to truly protect them; he stands by and watches until it passes some arbitrary threshold and then maybe he’ll tell her off a little, and when he does she listens (after a bit more sniping and only temporarily, but still). He isn’t powerless, he's passive. To the point of doing serious and lasting mental harm to his children and mental and PHYSICAL harm to WWX. The situation is not his fault, but he does bear some responsibility for not using his power and authority to do something about her. You’ll note that when he does step in YZY actually has to back off! When he springs WWX from whatever arbitrary punishment she’s foisted on him she doesn’t just punish him again! When he sends her away because she’s being a bitch to his children she goes! When he actively steps in she has to stop! Yes, she never does it gracefully, but... yeah, she literally does back down when he tells her off! Both parties know who has the actual power here! But he very rarely does step in.

Look, JFM letting YZY have her way accomplishes nothing except people getting hurt worse. Not stopping her will never convince her stop on her own, because she’s not punishing them for not getting her way in that sense. She will never stop punishing her family for not getting what she wants because what she wants is for JFM to love her and essentially be her doormat and she can never have that. If he really feared what she would do to his children and ward he would stop giving her unrestricted access to them? I mean, there’s no mention of him so much as telling YZY off when she whips WWX over nothing! Which I think comes back to his “if I don’t see it and don’t have to acknowledge it it’s fine” mentality that all evidence suggests he very much has given how he never does anything about anything that isn’t happening literally right in front of his face, but whatever. And even physically... I think you’ve forgotten that JFM is a cultivator too? And there’s no mention of her being stronger than him? And he has the loyalty of the sect, while YZY doesn’t (because she refuses to do her fucking job)? And all the alliances the Jiangs have are through him, not her? And attacking a sect leader would be treason? And treason is a fucking capital offence? YZY literally can’t attack JFM because if she did he could straight up have her executed and no one would say shit about it. And YZY can’t “allow JFM to leave”, because again, she has fuck all power in this relationship. He’s allowing her to stay! This is his house, he’s the sect leader, everyone in the sect except for YZY’s two maids is loyal to him, he can do whatever the fuck he likes.

Also... yes, victims of abuse often end up feeling like they’re at fault, but there’s no evidence that JFM does. He actually gets pretty mad (for him) when she starts in on him! Generally he either ignores her completely or tells her to be quiet or fuck off! YZY isn’t gaslighting or manipulating him, she’s literally just... hurling insults at him for having a female friend once and not letting her child die. Horrible, yes, but not gaslighting or manipulation. Or if it is she’s not exactly competent at it. Gaslighting has an actual specific meaning and yelling obvious lies at someone who very clearly doesn’t buy them for a second isn’t it.

Basically... yes, JFM had a hard time of it. No one’s denying that. His wife was abusive. But... this isn’t a modern relationship. JFM, as YZY’s husband and as her sect leader, had all the power in their dynamic and could have used it. Hell, he could’ve physically stood between her and her targets! Again, if she hurt him he could have her executed for treason and even if her family had the power to fight him no one would take their side, if he straight up physically blocked her from reaching WWX she would have had no choice but to stop with no actual risk to himself! Instead he just stood by and let YZY hurt his children and torment his ward, because he didn’t want to rock the boat. Yes, in modern times women can abuse their husbands and leave them feeling like they have no way out and/or leave them with no way to protect their children, but this isn’t modern times. If he chose to shut her down, lock her away, divorce her, whatever, there wouldn’t be a damn thing she or her family could do to stop him. Hell, the sect is his; if he wanted the staff to quietly poison her tea or put a knife through her throat in the night and for the sect doctor to claim it was natural causes, they... almost certainly would’ve done it. YZY wasn’t exactly popular in Lotus Pier. Yeah, sure, self control and all that, but... he could’ve permanently stopped her from tormenting children even if he genuinely couldn’t do it through legal means in a setting where pretty much everyone is a trained killer? And he didn’t? He never used his power to hurt her, and that’s admirable, but I really need to make this clear: he chose to bow to her whims and let her do serious and permanent psychological and physical harm to CHILDREN who were supposed to be UNDER HIS PROTECTION despite being able to get rid of her with a snap of his fingers. And no matter how much his life sucked... as far as I’m concerned that’s not forgivable.

#mdzs #jiang fengmian #tw abuse #jfm's marriage sucks but he still let yzy abuse children he had the responsibility to guide and protect #and it was 'let'#he had ALL the societal power #without him (or her father) yzy had NOTHING #he could have done something and he didn't #and that is on him #the actual abuse is on her but his failure to use his insane amounts of power to do something about it is on him #drawing-kitty1 #asks

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smartzelda · 4 years

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(Wow, I wish I could kill tumblr for messing up and making me rewrite this whole thing from scratch)

Hi, bros! I've gotten so much of crit done this week, so there's a LOT to talk about

Let's start out where we left off in Toy Box.

So like, the Riku and Buzz parallels are so good, like, the Buzz being afraid of being taken over and hurting his friends. Buzz being more skeptical of people, but trusting of his friends and just trusting Woody a whole lot. I love how he just trusts Sora, Donald, and Goofy by the end and they're friends and stuff

The Sora and Woody parallels are so good too, like, Woody trusting Sora and friends right away because they seem to be good guys, fighting the enemies (it's such a Sora thing to trust people just cause they seem good) and really trusting Buzz. Woody doing the angry sassy while talking to YMX/the organization

And bro, like...the Soriku parallels...the softness...

This has so many kh2 Soriku vibes

SAME PICTURE DIFFERENT ANGLE. YOU CAN'T TELL ME OTHERWISE.

*clears throat* Ahem, um...anyways... I was thinking about when YMX tosses Sora into the Verum Rex Gigas minigame. 1st off, I beat it a lot faster than I did my first play through the game on proud mode, so that's helpful. I'm glad that having done this before is helping me learn to be at least a little less stupid and do some things easier because of experience. 2nd, YMX's role in kh3 is very interesting. The hole time I get that he knows more than he's letting on. I feel like he, like Sora, can remember everything between the demon tornado, Riku's sacrifice, mass death, and Sora saving everyone's hearts before the timeline being rewritten and turned back to before everyone dies, and assuming the SRT holds up, he even seems to know the events of the first go around of timeline set before the kh3 we play. It's in the SRT too, but like, him saying "Not this time" and being able to dodge Sora's attacks like he already knows. Then there's YMX's line before the boss battle where he's like, "Find the hearts connected to yours." We could take it as him guiding Sora, getting him to find the seven guardians of light. I'm feeling like it might be foreshadowing or like YMX leading Sora to his end because it could be foreshadowing of remind (I mean, I won't know till I can play) or it's referring to the future of Sora saving all the hearts from the lich. Back to him knowing what's going on in the timelines somehow with that whole leading aspect, then there's during the lich segment where YMX is there somehow and tells Sora about how he'll pay the price, then YMX's "death" where he says that Sora's time in the world is over, indicating he knows what Sora's done and has to pay the price for

So, unlike the gigas thing that went surprisingly well, the possessed marionette and the flying saucer did not, and the flying saucer was the worst. I learned that, unlike in my proud run through, I couldn't just try to beat a gigas as just Sora that easily, considering a gigas could oneshot me (I kinda suck, so I honestly couldn't beat em at all without commanding a gigas myself on crit). So, it was very time consuming, considering I couldn't use a gigas to finish it off and shoot it from afar, and I had to evade all like four gigas and the scattered heartless (it was especially bad if I was about to die and needed to heal) while trying to attack it (needless to say, Donald and Goofy did most of the work in the final stretch while I was trying not to die and also attack the enemy that would warp away if you got too close). I did it though

Okay, final boss battle! Ngl, just...I enjoy the angry sassy of Woody when YMX is like, "See, look buzz fell to darkness blah blah" and Woody is like, "I don't care. Put buzz back the way he was." (Y'know, totally not a Sora attitude and totally not a parallel to CoM when Sora's telling Vexen "I don't care! Just put Riku back!") And YMX like talking about hearts and Woody like, "I don't think you've ever been loved before, because you know nothing about hearts and love." The final boss battle was easy compared to the other boss battles in Toy Box.

Also, I just...enjoy Buzz finally being friends with Sora, Donald, and Goofy and caring about and trusting them now

Now ownards to Corona!

So, starting in the forest just before getting to the tower, I opened a treasure chest with an item that gives sneeze protection (I got a shield for Goofy that does the same thing after I finished this world) which...I... Bro, I'm stupid I like didn't get this item my first run through nor did I know it existed, but playing through this world definitely was easier without sneezing Sora, especially the final boss (but we'll get to that later)

Gotta love that Flynn Rider charm.

"So, I've made the decision to trust you."

"A horrible decision, really."

Hi, I'm Flynn I hope you expect me to run away from battles and have Sora, Donald, and Goofy, who are totally my bodyguards, do all the work and make me look good Rider

Rapunzel after getting out of the tower and her enthusiasm is so Sora like, but ngl, I'd say she's a Riku parallel in this segment. Later in this world, they remark that the tower is a prison for Rapunzel. In this moment she has a lot of conflicting feelings.

"I'M SO FREE!"

"I'm such a terrible person..."

"This is so fun!"

"Oh, what would Mother think...? I should go back..."

"I'M NEVER GOING BACK!"

She's being pulled two ways. Part of her is excited to see the whole outside world and ready to live her dream, defying Mother Gothel, while the other part of her urges her to go back to her prison with Gothel where she'll be safe. This is much like in DDD with the Quasimodo and Riku parallel where Riku tells Quasi that it's not because of Frollo's rules or because Frollo said the outside world would harm him, it's because something in his heart holding him back. Most likely, it was from fear. In Riku's case, he said it from experience because he too is struggling with something where it's his heart holding him back, nothing else (probably his feelings for Sora are the thing he won't set free)

I like how kh3 is like, self aware or like, aware of the kh lore like when Donald and Goofy mention Data Sora, or in this case where Sora, Donald, and Goofy don't remember Marluxia because castle oblivion and he's like, "Such a pain. Whatever. It's not like you need to know." Kh3 shows that Nomura remembers the things he set up before.

Also, Goofy: "I think the 'has-been' prefers Marluxia" 😂😂😂

The heartless chariot was just as terrible and time consuming as always because of how much I died.

I did surprisingly well at the dancing section compared to past attempts, so that was cool. Rapunzel and Sora are just so adorable though and Rapunzel with the flowers in her hair is just😔👌

Okay, I like, I love the lantern scene because it's just so beautiful. Like, I just love those shots of all the lanterns and of Flynn and Rapunzel and of Sora, Donald, and Goofy watching them. Also...Flynn lowkey being given the choice between Rapunzel and the crown and basically choosing her

"I should've given it to you before, but I was just scared."

"I'm starting to." And Flynn pushes the satchel away, focusing on Rapunzel, choosing her.

Also, thinking that this part is a parallel to Riku in the RoD because Riku got the strength to protect the one he cherishes most (Sora) and now he's not afraid anymore, even in the RoD. He feels stronger and more confident. For Rapunzel, after spending time with Flynn and traveling, she's not afraid of the world anymore and she becomes more confident. She trusts Flynn and gives him the satchel (which in the movie I believe she originally withheld and hid out of fear of him going back on their promise)

So, then, Flynn and Rapunzel release their lanterns into the sky, and they twirl around each other as they fly up

Seem familiar? It's almost like...

HEARTS IN TUNE BAY BEE

SORIKU PARALLELS

Also, rip Sora, Donald, and Goofy. They just wanted to watch the scenery, but got interrupted by nobodies

Bro, it's really sad, like, I feel so sad for Rapunzel because she really trusted Flynn and Mother Gothel framed Flynn, breaking Rapunzel's heart because she thought it was all genuine, that Flynn really wasn't going to hurt her and meant the things he said. Then, Gothel takes her to the tower

Sora still being able to be awoken from a lick to the face from an animal like in kh1😂

In my first run through of the game, I got to this part with all the heartless and nobodies on the way to the tower and the section between everyone starting off towards the castle and reaching the castle I tried to go through as fast as possible and skipped fighting the heartless and nobodies I could. This time, I managed to clear the whole area after making it my goal for leveling up purposes, so that was cool👍

And now we reach the tower cutscenes and a very niiiiiiice Soriku parallel, which I'll have to put in the next post due to the photo limit

#critical mode #kingdom hearts 3 #soriku #sora x riku #parallels #kingdom of corona #toy box

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Tommy & Meena

Tommy: [Late enough that the clean up is done and she could've potentially heard about some of the drama but not late enough that if there's a mcwalsh party whereby Ali gets knocked up that he wouldn't already be drunk at that feels like a starting point] Tommy: Cá mbeidh tú ag fliúchadh na seamróige? 🍀🧡💚 Meena: I was about to go down to the restaurant, just hang out there Meena: Caleb and Drew were going to some party but I was not invited so 🤷 Meena: What are you all up to? Tommy: 🍻🥃 Tommy: but the vibe's more drinking ourselves to death, doubt you want an invite either, like Meena: I think that's most people's vibe but they sound happier/more in denial about it...? Tommy: Yeah, it's casually cultural Meena: Yeah? Tommy: You're not feeling patriotic today? Meena: I don't really vibe it any day Meena: but that's not important Tommy: that's a no for the Irish dancing then, alright Meena: We can try Meena: I look even taller when I'm not allowed to move my upper body though Tommy: 😂 Meena: no leprechauns here Tommy: any 🌈💰? Meena: no more than normal 💔 Tommy: I'll be right there then 🌈✨ Meena: That's your superpower Meena: I don't know how 🍀🧡💚 Gus has gone, you'll probably feel more at 🏡 where you are Tommy: It ain't feeling very 🏡 but 💌 received Tommy: I'll stay put, feet & upper body Meena: Why not? Tommy: long story Tommy: you'll hear the short one at 🏫 probably Meena: You don't feel like telling it, understood Meena: is there anything I can do? Tommy: I don't know how to, more like Tommy: you'd redraft it before you were done with the 1st for being too Tommy: unreadable Meena: Nonsense poetry is my specialty Tommy: Yeah? Tommy: maybe you should've been there to roll out the welcome wagon for my new sister Meena: New sister? Meena: Oh, do you mean your mum's baby Meena: not baby now, from before Tommy: she definitely ain't a baby now Meena: So, she came and it went bad Meena: I'm so sorry, Tommy Meena: how bad are we talking? Tommy: bad as it gets Meena: Is your mum alright, I mean Meena: stupid question, but Tommy: It's a fair question & I wish the answer was yeah Tommy: or there was fuck all I could do Meena: That's terrible Tommy: I've gotta go back to school, how can I? Meena: For them Meena: sometimes all you can do is give everyone a small sense of normality Meena: even when you don't want to, or think you can't go on yourself Tommy: Ali can't hold down the fort all on her own, alright, she probably can, but she shouldn't have to Meena: She won't be Meena: she has Carly, and me and Ro and, loads of people, really Meena: I promise we'll all do what we can Tommy: Don't start me on Ro, she wasn't even there Meena: Where was she? Tommy: Fuck knows Tommy: I thought she might be with you Tommy: or your brother Meena: She wasn't with me Meena: maybe Drew but I doubt it, he's been out and about everywhere all day, obviously Tommy: she'll be at home then Meena: Oh, that's a bit Meena: I understand under normal circumstances the pub on St Paddy's is not her ideal place to be but as it was Meena: anyway, that's all to say, you don't need to worry about Ali, she has a good support system to support your parents and take care of Rocky Meena: do you have people YOU can talk to and lean on at school? Tommy: yeah, Carly's ace with him & Ali to have lasted this long, like Tommy: I ain't telling anyone at school about this, loads of 'em already think I'm trash Tommy: or come from it Tommy: they've got a point now Meena: No, they don't Meena: your family are some of the best people I know Meena: you're not anything to be ashamed of Tommy: Everyone around here knows that Joe would be your brother's best customer except he don't carry the right stuff & now loads of 'em also know she's as bad, nah, worse Tommy: & that together they're Tommy: I can't even fucking go there Meena: People shouldn't judge him by that, never mind you as his family Tommy: They do though Tommy: keeping my mouth shut about it at school is my best option Meena: as long as you can express yourself and have an outlet through your work, I can't say I blame you Meena: you don't have to tell everyone everything Tommy: or anything Tommy: 🩰 will do Meena: I shouldn't say anything against words, given who I am and what I want to be but Meena: a comfortable silence can be preferable to words you're unsure of, words that hurt, or that you don't want to speak into existence Tommy: Yeah, I'd take an uncomfortable silence over that too Tommy: everyone's hurting & unsure enough Meena: if it's good enough for Maya Meena: 🤐 Tommy: I didn't mean with you Meena: You can always talk to me Meena: no matter the quality or quantity of your words Meena: you know that Tommy: okay Meena: but no rush on it Meena: obviously Meena: and I won't fill the silence with total nonsense, like Tommy: but those poems are your speciality Tommy: self proclaimed, like, but still Meena: Rude to doubt me Meena: 🥬🐢🐌👑 Tommy: Gimme one then Tommy: best shot Meena Though some at my aversion smile, I cannot love the crocodile. Its conduct does not seem to me Consistent with sincerity. Meena: 🐊💔 Tommy: He is basically a 🐍 with feet Tommy: You 🖋 that? Meena: Sadly not Meena: I'll try to write something as appropriate scathing for your brother Tommy: Or as 💔 for me, yeah? Meena: Of course Meena: what could be better to cheer you up? 😏 Tommy: as a feel good goes it's obviously unrivalled even by 🍻🎵💃🕺 Tommy: that's the level of your talent Meena: You're either that drunk or you wish you were...code red either way Meena: you could come to the restaurant though, if you actually wanted Tommy: Get ahead at waiting tables for when the West End fucks me off & over Tommy: good thinking Meena: Please Meena: your name is already in lights, I can see it Meena: 🤩 Tommy: as you said please, I'll come Meena: manners maketh the man do what you want? Meena: interesting Tommy: works on this one Tommy: how much of a man I am is up for debate, usually Meena: People are idiots Meena: and too invested in stuff that doesn't affect them whatsoever Tommy: like you said, practically a local celeb at this point Meena: still, what's going on in your tights is just not their business Tommy: that's such a you way to put that Meena: I'll choose to take that as a compliment on me having a consistent voice Meena: though the alternatives are 🤔 Tommy: take as I miss you Meena: Are you back for long? Tommy: Nah, they ain't that patriotic either Tommy: I shouldn't even be here, wouldn't have been if she wasn't coming Meena: That's shittier Tommy: maybe JC is trying to keep me humble before I get too 🤩 Meena: It's Patrick that needs to make a second coming to banish your brother 🐍🐍 Tommy: he's already done that himself Meena: Oh, that was the purpose of today then? Meena: I get it Tommy: if he had one Tommy: might have just been out of his 🧠 on whatever 💊💉🥄🚬 Tommy: or worse so 😍 over her that's all that he gives a shit about besides the above Meena: Wait Meena: he's what? Tommy: you'll hear about it soon as you get back to class, they were doing it for everyone to see Tommy: her purpose given what it did to my ma Meena: Jesus Meena: that's Meena: you're right, no words Tommy: at least he one upped Fraze, I guess Meena: does make that situation seem totally run of the mill in comparison Meena: I have heard it happens Meena: when people who are related but estranged meet Meena: it's like a thing™ Meena: not that that helps you personally, obviously Tommy: Really?! Meena: [sends articles like nerd] Tommy: fucking hell Meena: It's crazy Meena: like you know there should be some strong emotional response but you kinda get it fucked up or something Meena: I don't know, science isn't my forte Tommy: nor mine, but if anyone would get those kind of wires crossed, it would have to be him Tommy: Jesus Meena: at least he didn't have a wife and kids to leave or something like some of these people Meena: it's really sad Tommy: you didn't see her though, she's like Tommy: terrifying Meena: I don't think they have to be a hottie but it probably helps in some cases Tommy: 😂 Meena: how so though? like what was she like Tommy: Alright so if they were putting a modern twist on Frankenstein's monster for the stage she could play that, but she'd need serious anger management first Tommy: electroshock wouldn't be far off, funnily enough Meena: Okay, that does sound scary Meena: even if looks can be deceiving, is the moral my own life has hit home hard, sounds like the insides matched so Tommy: It was like if you took every teenage horror story my ma has told us, scraped off the sugarcoating and then mixed that with the worst shit Fraze has ever done when he's on one, you still wouldn't come close to the mark Meena: I know the sort you mean Meena: no matter how well Drew and Caleb think they do with protecting me, I've had plenty of people approach me asking for them, messing with me Tommy: this once I'm gutted you know what I mean then Tommy: 'cause fuck that Meena: mostly it's the former and it's stupid little kids who want some weed or pills, that's just annoying but yeah Tommy: you know boxing's footwork is dead easy, I could teach you what my dad taught me Tommy: any time you want Meena: thanks Meena: at least my height would finally work in my favour, right? Meena: better reach Tommy: bigger 🎯 too remember Tommy: you have to keep your guard up to protect that face Meena: sounds like you're saying I'm 🌚 Tommy: 😮 Tommy: that's awkward Meena: *frantically googles how to shrink head* Tommy: nah, it's awkward 'cause you grew into your head ages ago & I didn't throw you a 🥳 or anything Tommy: must of happened all of a sudden or without me realising Meena: grew into it?! Meena: so I was a bobblehead before, thanks so much 😂 Tommy: only slightly Meena: I'm only slightly 💔 then Tommy: don't be, it was endearing Tommy: you were a cute kid Meena: okay 👵 Meena: no need to patronize me Meena: my head is only literally big, not metaphorically Tommy: come on, a 🍭 is a great look Meena: Better than a pea-head Tommy: or a 🍐 head like I've got Meena: it's distinguished Meena: be gutted you don't want to be a character actor Tommy: nice save, you can teach me ⚽ when we're done with 🥊 Meena: Sounds good to me Tommy: 👍 Tommy: [show up boy cos the restaurant can't be that far from the pub surely] Meena: [have a nerdy but more chill time, Gus loves everyone he's a good egg, I say you should go to this party for the drama of it all sod it] Tommy: [agreed x 2 the restaurant would have such a nice vibe when Drew and Caleb aren't there which they obviously aren't rn and then yeah we can get more messy with it] Meena: [okay so the plan, we having a lovely time (given the circumstances tonight lol) then her boyf shows up] Tommy: [I just picture her bf being so underwhelming like no offense but he'd have to be someone that Tommy didn't clock on socials so when he realises he's like oh and then dials his campness up to 1000000 being that gay BFF stereotype which she would pick up on immediately cos that's not how he is with her except when he's hiding behind it cos things are uncomfortable between them. I just imagine him raiding Ali & Carly's makeup and wardrobe and making the gayest cocktails he can and getting Meena involved and stealing her attention] Meena: [he wouldn't be and he's also lowkey an arsehole as per her type so he wouldn't be all ❤ on her socials anyway, but all this can be a thing 'cos not seeing the gay boy as a threat and probably wants to get drunk so] Tommy: [don't beat him up Tommy you don't want her to think you're doing it for Drew and Caleb like reasons] Meena: [at least we know you two are distracted] Tommy: [thanks for also getting Carly and Ali involved in your gay antics because we all need whatever fun we can get] Meena: [until you gotta go pregnant Ali] Tommy: [lord, I hope Tommy has left by then] Meena: [lordt] Tommy: [casual 3way with your missus and the less attractive drug dealer in town] Meena: [thank god your genetics are solid underneath that mess boy] Tommy: [and we know Rio looks like Ali anyways] Meena: [you do alright out of it kids] Tommy: [it could be so much worse] Meena: [blame your dad for your insecurities grace] Tommy: [and your evil nan] Meena: [junie is just #unique like no one looking like you boy, the closest is fraze as your uncle] Tommy: [unless he looks like Caleb's dad because we don't know him] Meena: [who can say baby] Tommy: [anyway take a moment to appreciate all the Tommy and Meena dancing everyone, giving you that for free] Meena: [love that] Tommy: [soz shit bf he is a threat because their chemistry especially when they are dancing is ridiculous goodbye] Meena: [deffo gonna get mardy at that and go off to have an argument] Tommy: [are you happy now Thomas? Thought not] Meena: [awkwarddd] Tommy: [get drunker boy that'll totally make it better and not worse] Meena: [cry in the bathroom that's a mood] Tommy: [ruin your make up, oh babe] Meena: [everyone else is so wrecked you'll fit in] Tommy: [by not doing drugs you're one of the least messy] Meena: [exactly dr phil] Meena: [the next day] Meena: Have a safe flight back Tommy: Cheers, I'll probably just 💤 Meena: Can't blame you Tommy: did you get any? Meena: Yeah, I'm fine Meena: had to get up early to clean the restaurant though so not as much as I'd ideally want Tommy: had another 🌱🍏🍈🥬🌿🍐🥝🥒🌼 juice, yeah? Tommy: that's pretty patriotic, you know Tommy: better late than never, like Tommy: throw 🍊🍑🥕 in there too & you're sorted Meena: Yeah, I bet EVERYONE in this fair nation is starting a juice cleanse this AM, not having a fry-up, nah Tommy: 😏 Tommy: green eggs & ham would keep you in theme Meena: 🤢 Tommy: fair 🍳🥞🧇🥓🥐🥯🍞 then Tommy: take your pick Meena: are you gonna post it to me? Tommy: be messy if you're having 🍳 or 🥞 but saves me having to use any words Meena: Probably best to stick to non-perishables Meena: best option for us both, like Tommy: Yeah Meena: How was it, this morning Meena: before you left Tommy: how you'd expect Meena: Yeah Tommy: Bea has to leave too so Fraze's dramatics will take centre stage for a sec but Meena: Distraction is probably the best technique for right now Tommy: worked last night Meena: I bet the parties you have in London are even better Tommy: only 'cause we 🩰 ain't supposed to be partying Meena: and what's more fun than prohibition, sure Tommy: forbidden 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍋🍌🍉🍇🍓🍈🍒🍑🥭🍍🥥🥝 juice is my fave, can't lie Meena: 🙄😏 Meena: enjoy Tommy: you're not supposed to give me your blessing, sucks the fun right out Tommy: forbidden, remember Meena: I'm not a teacher Tommy: yeah you are, whenever Anne needs you Meena: Okay, smartypants Meena: there's nothing I could teach YOU Tommy: not with THAT attitude Meena: 🤨 maybe next time Meena: bring your own 🩰 Tommy: & 🥊 Meena: a look Tommy: the 🩳 are too Meena: what do you wear on your top half though Meena: leotard? Tommy: lads don't usually wear anything to show off 💪 Meena: Who are you showing off to? Tommy: The other lad of course, name a sport that ain't homoerotic Meena: not when you come back here Tommy: when I come back here most of all Meena: no boys in my classes Tommy: Anne's been a letdown from the very beginning, what can I say? Tommy: you're on your own, Meeps Meena: I'll survive Tommy: I know

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tamiddyinyourcity · 4 years

Text

9:46pm.

Brain hurty. No thoughts, renegade renegade.

Friday, May 1st of 2020.

Time to vent, before I overwork myself with things.

Alright, thoughts:

I feel bad for not handling the initial breakup better. He was acting an ass that night, though, to keep it 100% real. I probably could've held off on cursing out the Stupid Stalker Bush Bitch. Or not dumped him right away.

Actually nah, dumping him right away was smart. I just should've gave him time to simmer down and reflect, and same for myself before going online and saying what I said about it. (He still is an asshole though, so like....)

And well, long story short, Azalea did end up being a weird bitch. A normal friend minds their business, a weird one is the type to get easily sus over their good friends gf finding their insta.... (I literally get recommended people all the time, hoe, why assume the worst-)

She could've made it soooo easy by just agreeing to vibe with all four of us, or even just one on one! (Since I dislike non-female solidarity, and also wanted to prove to myself that not every situation with a close girl best friend would end up a homewrecker situation.... but nah, she instead found a way to get mad at Patrick for talking to me about shit, and avoided my messages.)

And Patrick? God, my open book ass wouldn't have been TOO weirded out at her online stalking me for months. (I'd be the normal amount of weirded out, and a little flattered.) Then all the more reason to meet up! To subside whatever worries were there, or suspicions, or thoughts! Easy peasy.

But long story short, the skank had a chance twice and sabotaged both, so that's why she looks the way she does and still went into the NEW DECADE tripping off of me. If you wanted to ride my clit this hard, just ask politely.

Agh! Now I'm horny. Not since she's attractive, shes very the opposite, but I thought of-- anyway, that's not important. Focus on the bigger things.

Clit tribbing

Pornhub premium Darcy Dolce

Anyway.

Not a lot could have changed.

I couldn't contain my pain, he couldn't contain any common sense, and Azalea couldn't contain her will to sabotage things, nor the smell of her stank ass life and ego, but life goes on.

I just suuuuuure wish things went easier, man.

......

I'm sleepy.

And not gonna lie, I could use a hug.

When quarantine ends.... God, either I'm gonna come out celibate as hell and unimpressed by people constantly, or ovulating like a motherfucker, going through a 100 pack of condoms in only two weeks. (Probably the former, honestly.)

The former seems more doable, since I have a lot less respect for others the longer that I'm in quarantine.

Patrick #2 was great, till his lies and maladaptive stubbornness and lack of emotional tact lead to the downfall.

Patrick #1 was perfect, up until he completely distanced himself from me as if nothing he said before was true. (You're either hurt at not being able to see me, or happily plowing other hoes and dodging my texts. Being both just is a waste of my damn energy.)

Rowan was a Hoe-wan. (HA, why did I actually laugh at this easy pun???? Lmfaoooo, sorry. But its true, hes a thot thot thot.) Could've been honest, aaaand he tried to just sugarcoat things and tiptoe. Boohoo, i left to avoid getting my feelings hurt or repeating the same question just to never get an answer.)

Matt is a man who I wouldn't sympathize for if I saw him slit his throat.

Jesus, reflecting on this bullshit makes Marco seem almost like a saint. (But he's not, since he cheated on his girlfriend for two years straight, and also kept leading me on, either romantically or to assume that I was actually seen as a friend he could respect...)

Zack #2 was also human garbage, and I'd like to trip his feet with an electrical cord into a bathtub, throw in a toaster, and watch that nigga fry like a fish. (Sorry, I'm very irritable due to a very stressful..... year, really. Past several years, really. And I'm super exhausted from cleaning all fucking day, jesus christ...)

Zack #1 is someone that to this day, I understand why I had so many morbid thoughts about. It was like every day in high school for two to three years straight were, "break his FUCKING LEGS man". Whew, I wanted to snap him like a twig, the same way he made me mentally snap and unable to go back to the cheery person I was before.

And the handfuls of passive flings, that I'd rather not think about. (Devon disgusts me for the sheer amount of laziness and perversion he displayed that I for some reason I was clinging onto, Tavy was proof that a girl could buy her boyfriend a promise ring and would still get someone else off, with the same finger.... just, yikes.)

Maxwell, the British fucker that LITERALLY INSTIGATED EVERY SINGLE PART OF ME FALLING FOR HIM, doing the absolute most, just to abandon me at random, and come back.... until one day, he just never showed up on Christmas Eve, broke his promise to me, and completely left me wondering why he'd bother trying to woo me or act so head over heels just to betray me like that. (Cause he was a hoe, but whatever. He had no top lip and shitty teeth, so I dont expect much success in his future with what the universe has dealt him with. Geez, this was also the relationship that totally broke me as a fucking person. He could've just hooked up and left it at that! He got on my nerves so fucking bad.)

....

I see why people worry for me, not gonna lie.

I forgot a huge chunk of these memories until now. (I try not to count the people I've been with before losing my v card, since well, who cares how Lopsided Foreskin Devon treated me? Nigga is unloved by his family and can't hold a meaningful relationship with anybody, outside of discussing High School DXD titties, talking completely about himself before immediately rushing out the room without even a goodbye, or lolis every single fucking day, so, no need to curse his name past the age of 17 when the universe already has his shit ruined.)

Devon can still perish, though, seriously. Ugh. Never deserved to be near me at all. Pussy. Gross.

10:20pm.

This was cathartic, until I thought about D*v*n. Gross. Eugh.

I wonder if his tactic to avoid me wanting to see him was just to instantly approach me, talk only about himself and completely run over me every single time without letting me have a word in edgewise, then running out the door without so much as a goodbye when the bell had rang.

He was the type that when called on it, just went, "Well, that's how I talk! So just deal with it!" So I never feel too bad about the time the next school year where I demanded he leave my special ed class and threatened him with a plastic PVC pipe.

Sure, plastic doesn't hurt too badly. But it will, if wielded by the girl you used for sex and treated as undeserving of the absolute bare fucking minimum relationship expectations! He skedaddled out and never came back. Serves him right. If he stayed, I wouldn't have hesitated to make his face swell more than when that fucker got his wisdom teeth yanked out. (Also, I made him aligot potatoes with what little food I had as a gift to him to eat even with swollen gums... Fucker let it expire. I doubt his exit from this world would affect too many people in a negative way, from how much of an asshole he was, you know?)

Anyway.

I think I'm just gonna disrespect men, it just seems fitting.

I even tried to message a dude "I'm doing well! How are you?", and my phone autocorrected the exclamation mark to a comma, just to remind my ass to not be TOO excited over some dusty dude bothering to say hi to me.

Life goes on.

Now that my room is nearly clean, I can also try to get back into making actual video recordings of me discussing possible topics.

Like Josh, the one manlet guy I hooked up with, who I should call King Coercion, since with that gross little shit, a no was not a no until he grossly grinded and whined on you enough time. He's like a sad dog in heat that you'd have to kick off of you to make it stop tryna hump your leg. (I wish I kicked him, really, in his smug little face and that crappy moustache of his.)

....

Its crazy, knowing how young I was to even be experiencing the shit I have.

19 years old, and I advise anyone older and younger than me on a daily basis to do better in terms of their standards and expectations, since I know that shit is intense. I'd rather have girls cursing niggas out, or making twitter threads about their creepy behaviors or potential crimes to warn other girls, sooner rather than later.

If anyone is reading this and is struggling in a relationship right now.... this is your sign, whatever you feel like this sign may be. Just act carefully on it please.

And yeah, even witnessing family members cheat has definitely fucked me up.

In high school, I didn't have to worry about any competition. All my crushes were on nerdy dudes that were terrible at emotional processing, (yes, call me Captain Save A Hoe, it was all at my detriment and niggas never learned jack shit from me,) and I only had to worry about D*von trying to convince me to dress or dye my hair like that flat chested redhead chick in Persona 5. (You see why I cancelled him out of all my memories, dont you?????)

And now that its college season, its everyone acting up. I still have the same type, but its still of course an even bigger chance of potential infidelity.

When everyone's over 18, has a place of their own, and more free time? Then yeah, anything can go down.

I was hopeful in the past, up until the Matty situation. Since oh look, even what I was told and believed was a 100% thing! With someone I pictured in my life positively whether or not we dated. Ended with me tremendously hurt. Almost dead over a shitty acne covered dweeb.

God, he sucks cock. (Well, technically he rides cock, but lmfaoooo, i dont need to mention his dragon dildos yet again.)

10:45pm.

And witnessing my older brother's ex girlfriend having a breakdown, from him cheating on her and ignoring her nonstop while she wrote essays or took exams for him. (That's dumb as fuck, jesus..... they ended up dating another few years of course. Lots of memories of him mocking her and her screaming at him, often so loud that the walls would shake. And violence, of course.)

Why are people..... so fucking dumb.... just..... ugh.

I'm just gonna focus on being the happiest and most content version of myself, and pissing on douchebags, like always.

Feels good.

Peace out.

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