#Also by the way are you lgbtq? That seems like a very band kid sort of thing and idk why

[sabbathbloodysabbeth]

The Love Project -

(Full book linked to the title)

Written by eddiethegreatteddybear on tumblr

Written by sonflowerboy on wattpad

Both accounts are the same and belong to me the creator of the story

The book will have mentions of Harringrove so do not crap on either ship here because that’s not what my account is for. I’m just writing a Harringrove was apart or the idea in this book.

Description: when Eddie is partnered up to the Steve Harrington he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Of course he was obviously really curious about how one of the most loudest popular boys suddenly went from that to being one of the most reserved people he knows. When he discovered the project is on something really close to him he can’t help but feel a tad protective. Remembering the many comments Steve’s said over the years about the LGBTQ+ community. But who knows, his list of things that Steve’s shocked him with has gone up sense he allowed him to tag along with Robin to one of his Band practices. Why would it stop now?

Or Steve and Eddie are partnered up to do a project about the LGBTQ+ community. Which seems to hit closer to home, as they both try and make it out of senior year with out any problems. But Steve’s learned over the past year that Dangerous things seem to be attracted to him.

1. Big Rings and Strings

Eddie's curiosity about Steve Harrington had started way before they were  forced to work together, or even shared a class. The king always seemed to catch him by shock, doing something that the other never though he would see Steve doing. It honestly intrigued him but pissed him off that the fact that the King Steve pulled him in like he had with everyone else during the peak of his popularity. Truthfully, it pissed him off. It still does when ever he thinks to much about it.

The one thing that really captivated Eddie Munson's attention was the mysterious reason of why Steve went from hanging out with the most snobbiest popular kids to the most geekiest nerds. That alone was a shitting your pants from shock for Eddie. It hadn't really sparked his interest until the end of Senior year. Eddie's final year (though he was very aware of the fact that he was going to get held back) as a high-school student and Steve's Junior year, the year before his Senior Year.

"Reminder, your paper on World War One is due tomorrow. Every day that the paper isn't turned in five points will be taken off. So please make sure you finish that up by tonight so you have it in tomorrow." Mrs. Connor pretty much yells this information over everyone's chatting voices. The majority of the students were not able to wait to leave the classroom so that they could head home. As it was the final period of the day. Unlike them, Eddie had a few more hours before he was able to go home. Between Band practice after school and then a DnD session after that there wasn't much time for him to be alone. Which was mostly a good thing. But it also wasn't as he hadn't even bothered starting his history paper.

Of course, he could cancel out on both events to work on both, but he sort of would be a hypocrite. When Mike and Dustin tried backing out of a session he freaked out and forced the both of them to find someone else. Which they did, ironically pulling through with Lucas's younger sister. Whom Eddie sort of favored out of the rest of the boys. Not because she was a girl, or younger than all of them but because she earned her stripes amongst them. If anything she had bigger balls than everyone else in the DnD combined, including Eddie. Majority of the time she went in arms swinging when it came to DnD the complete opposite of everyone else in the group. If any of the boys think Eddie hadn't caught onto the fact that they always run away instead of going in head first they would be mistaken. If anything he enjoyed how Erica showed the others up, which lead to his feelings about her plans on leaving. He wouldn't openly admit it to the rest of the gang but he would be disappointed when she stops showing up. Thinking of the soon-to-be freshman, he makes sure to make a mental note to talk to her after the game tonight.

He stopped bothering wearing a bag after a few months of school. He had quickly accepted that he was definitely going to be held back this year, redoing senior year again. Something he wasn't proud of but his ADHD had made things ten times more difficult this year. So he sort of just blanked out the first half of the year and was still barely able to focus on his work. Though he was put on meds he didn't bother taking them, quickly discovering he felt like a zombie and didn't have as much creativity as he had before without them.

He walks through the halls not moving over for anyone, he enjoyed making his presence known. Normally he would be giving shit to one of the sports captains, but he was already too busy practicing moving his fingers in a rhythm. As if he was actually playing the guitar right now. So lost in thought and too impatient to get into band practice he takes a left-hand turn around a corner without much thought of the possibility of someone else coming around it.

Of course, the other person wasn't paying attention either, a very common thing about the corners of the high school. So Eddie's running into someone else who makes a startling oomph noise before backing up quickly. The metal head snaps himself out of his head as he brings himself to the present, opening his mouth and starting to decide if he was going to curse the other out or apologize. Though when he sees the brick belongs to Steve Harrington he makes his decision fast without much thought. Why would he not curse him out? Steve 'the king' Harrington, was standing out like always with a yellow sweater standing right in front of him with a shocked facial expression.

Eddie was too busy preparing to curse him out for not paying attention (even though Eddie hadn't been paying attention either) that he hadn't noticed he dropped his ring. It was his Lion one that he got recently, and hadn't had the money or time to get it fitted properly onto his finger. Which now two months later he regrets.

He's opening his mouth to say something but Steve beats him to it. "Oh shit, I'm so sorry. I was lost in my head and turned the corner like a total dumbass, I didn't hurt you or anything did I?" Steve apologizes and it seems like he means it as his brown Bambi-like eyes pretty much stare into Eddie's soul. The shock of "the king" of the school saying sorry to Eddie "the Freak" of the school was the hugest plot twist that's ever happened in Eddie Munson's story. (Even the one where he finds out he's gay and he normally rates that on number one of the shocking list.) Though this experience seems to keep on surprising him as he listens to the other continue, "oh shit you dropped a ring." Steve's rambling out and something seems off about him. The calm and cool-headed Steve Harrington that Eddie was very well aware of over the years was anything but that.

Eddies eyes can't help but look down at the other's hands which were slightly shaking and the other's breathing seemed to be a tad off. No one knew better than him what that meant. The other was anxious and seemed like he might go into an anxiety attack at any moment. As quickly as he decided to curse the other out, he decides he was not. Eddie may be an asshole but he wasn't that huge of a one. What would make him better than any other popular shit face in this school if he pushed the other into a panic attack? Nothing that's what.

The long-haired boy was too busy taking in the other's anxious state that he didn't catch on to the fact that his ring fell off. Though he catches up to speed when he watches Steve lean down and pick up his silver ring. Never in his life did he think 'royalty' would bow down to him like this. Though he holds back any mean comments, not thinking the other was really in an okay state to deal with that. The other seemed anxious and wound up about something. Eddie can't help but think it's probably over something stupid (some stupid popular kid drama that he would most likely hear about tomorrow) but he looks at the other with a raised eyebrow as he watches the other look down at his lion ring curiously before handing it over. His hand carefully dropped it into Eddie's hand. Something that Eddie notes for some reason.

"It looks a little dent up, did I do that?" Steve asks with wide dark eyes. The other was feeling guilty about the ring and he wasn't even the one who dented it. Eddie had done that throughout the many times it's fallen off his finger. He needed to get it fitted for his finger as he had with the others that laid across his fingers. Making once again another note to do that soon.

"Nah, you didn't Harrington. Lucky for you it's been dented up throughout the numerous occasions it's fallen off my finger." Eddie says calmly finding himself falling into a trance while talking to the other. Though he's quick to snap out of it as he remembers he has to go to practice now or else he was going to be late. Steve seems to relax (though it seemed he was still anxious, but the conversation must've been distracting him from his troubles as his shaky hands calmed down a bit) at the other words before he quickly comments.

"Oh, well if you need it fitted I know this older woman who has an obsession with rings. She makes them and everything, she was supposed to have a store at the mall before-" Steve stops talking for a second as he visibly grimaces and Eddie can't help but wonder what that was about. Though he has to hold back all the little thoughts in his head that made him think of the way Edward 'grimaces' in twilight. (Yeah Eddie's seen it so what) But before he could ask what was wrong, Steve's finishing his sentence. "Anyway, she doesn't have any customers and she'll probably be able to get that done for you for a couple of twenties. Though if you sweet talk her, she'll most likely do it for free." Steve rambles out without thinking as he adds. "Though I'm just going to yeah." He says awkwardly as he moves to step around the other and Eddie can't help but grin amused at the obviously flustered boy. He didn't blame the other for wanting to run away, because had to do the same.

Before the other gets too far Eddie turns and yells, "I don't think I'm going to be able to find her without a name, King Steve." The metal head is quick to catch onto how the other's shoulders tense up under the nickname before he turns to say something. But before he can even get a word out he's being tackled by Robin Buckley. A girl that he recognizes from a few of his classes and in-band when he showed up on occasion. He can't help but snort as Steve is quick to hold her up. It seemed like the King was filled with surprises, as Robin didn't seem to be his type. Though Eddie had been convinced the other was into girls. The way she stared down the older girls in bikinis had convinced him of this guess.

Steve groans as he lifts the girl a little onto his back holding her with a tad bit of a struggle. "Oh, yeah. Her name is Lilith. You'll normally find her hanging out with Dustin's Mom. They both like to crochet on the weekends when he's playing DnD. So you'll most likely have to talk to him more about contacting her. I only talk to her when she comes into Family Video." He answers back as Robin looks curiously between the two. The teen can't help but feel a tad bit jealous. As he's quickly reminded of Henderson's love for the popular boy. He had assumed that Dustin was making shit up trying to seem cool. Similar to Lucas who had tried being popular with the basketball team until they found out he played DnD. Before the encounter turned awkward Eddie nods his head in acknowledgment, not saying much after just turning to head in the other direction as Steve attempts to do the same before his friend is continuing the conversation. As if she had been a part of it the entire time.

"Hi, Eddie. Steve wasn't giving you too much trouble was he?" She jokingly asks, "if so I'll make sure to put him on toilet duty on our next shift at work just for you." She says laughing. As much as Eddie hated to admit that he had anything in common with someone in Hawkins, Robin had almost the same humor as him. Maybe under different circumstances, he could see them being very close best friends. Before he says anything he catches onto how more relaxed Steve seemed to be with Robin near him. Eddie sort of wished he could have a friend like that, the numerous times he left Lunch with shaky hands because of how crowded it was or because the noise was way more than it should be.

"Oh, he gave me so much shit." Eddie jokes with a feral grin as Steve gasps watching him wink at Robin letting her know it wasn't true. Robin giggles as she ruffles Steve's hair. He groans and moves a little bit before he straightens himself out again. His arms ached as he pushes the little strength he had left to lift her better. "Nearly tackled me around the corner," he snorts.

Robin can't help but grin even more in response as she says, "Don't worry Munson if you drop by Steve will be on his hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom floor." She says before she asks. "Though when are you coming back to band? The pieces of music are fucking bland without the Douche who likes to show everyone up on the guitar." She says teasing the other as Eddie can't help but laugh tossing his head back. "Unless Steve here, you know gave you too much of a boo-boo to play." She teased.

"I don't know I really can't stand the class and have the kids in it, though just for you I'll show up tomorrow. But I really need to go head to my band practice before the geeks kill me." He jokes as he moves to start walking off faster. Though he catches Robin quickly hopping off of Steve's back, making a loud squeaking noise as her shoes rub off on the floor.

"Oh! Can we come to watch it? I've been trying to get Steve to get into music more. Truly convert him into a nerd." She laughs as she's already walking up the hallway dragging Steve's shirt and him along with it. Eddie can't help but feel amused, and honestly, he sort of wanted to see Steve- the preppy asshole's reaction. He's pretty sure the other would probably cringe and get annoyed at the metal he played. Honestly, Eddie had a huge enjoyment of annoying people with his music taste.

"Sure, though I don't know if Harrington will enjoy metal. He seems like the type to listen to Bon Jovi." He teases as he catches Steve's snort. Though to be truthful Eddie was curious about what the other listened to. Eddie normally figured out what a person was like by their music list. He wouldn't be surprised if Robin's list was filled with Girl in Red but Steve? He was more than positive he listened to the most horrible pop music you can imagine.

"I hope he doesn't want to sit on a throne when watching us, I think the music teacher took care of the seats last period." Eddie hums. Robin can't help but snort at the comment as Steve rolls his eyes, slightly amused but slightly annoyed at the king's comments.

When they entered the music room everyone that was supposed to be there was. Eddie grins as he walks over acting as if he didn't bring an audience with him. Though he's quick to mention it to the other three. "Guess what boys! We are performing right here right now. For yours truly." He bows down a little making a hand gesture towards Robin and Steve. Both of them were still not used to his 'weirdness' but Robin knew that's what made him so much fun to be around.

Eddie picks his instrument up kissing the base as he puts the strap around his shoulders as he's quick to check the tuning. The boys all get into order before they start playing. Eddie glanced over at the two once in a while. He catches onto a look on Steve's face that isn't recognizable. He wasn't sure what it was but he didn't care. Just as long as the other didn't interrupt them to tell them the music sucked. Which has happened before with numerous other people. When the songs over the metal head decides to tease Steve. He enjoyed picking on people he barely talked to. Or never talked to so this was his normal.

"So, how was that?" Eddie asks with an amused look as he assumed the other didn't like it. Though this moment would be added to a list of times Steve Harrington surprised him. He could tell that the other boy had an amused look like he had an inside joke that Eddie wasn't in on.

"It was okay, though you're going to have to wow me with something better than Black Sabbath's most played song," Steve says with a shit-ass grin. He fucking knew what he was doing and Eddie couldn't help but stand there a little shocked at the fact that the other knew what he was playing. It was his go-to, to scare off people. "And the guy on the bass should really wipe the Dorito dust off his fingers before playing. Maybe if he wasn't too busy licking the dust off his fingers he would've had his solo down pact." Steve adds.

Eddies head snaps looking at his bass player, Charles who did indeed have Doritos dust all over his hands and mouth. "What the fuck! Do you not realize how expensive that shit is man! Get out, just you know what fuck off." Eddie snaps as he was angrier at this boy than the boy who just showed off his knowledge of music and threw it in his face. Steve can't help but look amused before he's raising his eyebrows once Eddie hands him the wiped down the guitar.

Bowing down as if he was offering him the sword. "Do you know how to play, my highness?" Eddie teases with a smug look before he catches that same look from earlier. Now he recognizes it as a pained look. The same one that came across his face when talking about the mall.

"A little bit, but I don't touch instruments anymore. And I haven't played in over a year." He says as Eddie shrugs. He catches onto how Robin looks at her supposedly best friend or boyfriend (Eddie wasn't sure) in shock. It seems like Eddie wasn't the only one who didn't know this. Though he sets the bass to the side as he grabs his guitar.

"Well then King Harrington, what song do you want to listen to?"

"Do you know any Metallica songs?"

Ok, so I’m not going to post anymore of this book out on tumblr but it is on wattpad! (I’m not good at navigating ao3 yet but when I do it might be on there to :) I do have plans for it and I still need to obviously edit but I can’t wait to share my idea with you all!

(Though if anyone knows someone who makes good covers could you let me know? I sort of want a Steddie cover for it but I’m to lazy to make it)

#stranger things #steveharrington #steddie #eddie munson #steve x eddie #steve harrington #bxb #harringrove #billyhargrove #eddie stranger things #mentions of harringrove #wattpad fanfiction #steddie smut will happe

[il-ballo-della-vita-maneskin]

Hello! Can I get Måneskin matchup? 💚

Appearance: She/her. 179,5cm tall, rectangle body shape. Fair skin complexion with quite a few birthmarks. Dyed brown with honey-red highlights, shoulder-length, straight hair with bangs. The left eye is a mix of two colors – a smaller portion of (darker) greyish-blue and a larger portion of hazel; while the right eye is just a (lighter) greyish-blue. Heptagon face shape with two dimples on the left cheek and one on the right cheek (only visible while smiling). A gap between the upper front teeth.

Personality (good and bad traits): Ever since I was a kid, I was always quite mature for my age – I identify myself as an old soul. I come off as polite and well-mannered to strangers, yet I tend to keep it to myself by being reserved. But, that’s because I have social anxiety and I’m nervous and shy when meeting/talking to people. The only people I’m comfortable with being with my inner circle – closest friends and family. I am usually more “open” with my friends than with my family. With my friends I can be my “truest-self” – I smile more, I laugh more, I feel more accepted and understood. I am the mom and the fashionista of the group. Don’t get me wrong, I am fiercely protective of my family, especially of my mother and younger sister. But, lately, I’ve been feeling like the “black sheep” of the family, Cinderella who’s been taken advantage of. I express my affection for the people I care about in little, but practical, ways. I can be a little stiff when it comes to open, gushy displays of affection. Others turn to me for help and advice. I’m kind-hearted and generous, always ready to help a person in need. Always have been motherly towards children. Very awkward at keeping small talk (usually with people that I’m not that close with). Absolutely, hate speaking in front of a public, and if I do, because of my nervousness, I tend to mess up my words and/or I practice whatever I’m about to say in my head at first. I appreciate the simplicity and am often most comfortable when I’m not getting too much attention from the world. I am sensitive – both to criticism and to others’ feelings (I sponge up the feelings and moods of people and the environment around me). Have a hard time saying no or expressing my true thoughts, feelings. I get influenced by other people’s opinions/thoughts quite hard (I take everything to the heart), that is why I tend to keep a lot to myself (may come off as a little bit tense, secretive, mysterious). I avoid the harsh reality by daydreaming (almost every day) – imagining myself in situations far from my current circumstances. Sort of like a self-escape. I worry a lot and overthink almost everything. I am easily distracted and my attention span can be quite short. I have an internal struggle between my needs and wants. I can lack focus and be indecisive as a result – when I decide on one route, I am pulled in another direction at the same time (“But what if…”, “on the other hand...”). That is why I’m having a bit of a struggle with deciding what I want to do in the future (career-wise). I am easily overwhelmed by pressure and stress. There is a self-destructive side to me (self-critical, lack of self-confidence) that I’m working on by confronting my fears (coming out of my shell). Don’t like taking pictures, or other people taking pictures of me. I feel most content when I’ve straightened out all the details of everyday life. I have a routine, that I follow by mostly every day, and if something small changes in that routine, I start to have a small internal anxiety attack. Also, I like to do things my own way, like, when it comes to cleaning the house or organizing stuff, etc. I get triggered even if people don’t do the laundry the way I do. I guess you could describe me as a perfectionist, clean/control freak. In triggering situations I can be impulsive, spontaneous, quick to act. Quick flare-ups of anger/annoyance when being provoked on my patience. Even when I’m feeling low, I manage to find humor in life and have fun with whatever I do have. Although I tend to bottle things up, I am an emotional person and my emotions are genuine – I love and care deeply and passionately and wish no ill will upon anyone, yet it hards for me to imagine someone falling in love with me or just liking me.

Hobbies, likes: My hobbies are cleaning, writing (re-writing song lyrics, making small notes, writing stories), listening to any type of music, catching up on my favorite films and TV shows, hanging out with friends, going to the cinema, or the club, being out in nature, reading, traveling. I like history, cooking, fashion magazines (or fashion in general), road trips, spirituality, mythology, books, orange juice, previous decades, cottage-core, dark academia.

Overall: Hufflepuff. INFP-T. Bi-sexual. Pisces-Aries cusp sign. “Looks like could kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll.” A feminist, support LGBTQ+ community. That’s it, thank you!

ethan, ethan, ethan

he is also an introvent and seems mature, so i think he would very easily understand where you are coming from. he would appreciate your routine, but would also try to get you out of your shell. don’t get me wrong, he wouldn’t do anything you’re uncomfortable with, but would try to make you comfortable with being more open, both to new experiences and new people.

whenever you panic over something, worry too much or have doubts, he would be there to comfort you and stop you from feeling low. when it comes to being too affected and influenced by other people’s opinions and thoughts, i think he would definitely understand, as someone who needs to listen to what people want from him and his band, but would always be there to help you understand that your opinion is valid and the most important one. he would also remind you all the time that you deserve to be loved and that you are loved.

you would be hanging out with your friends and go to parties with them whenever you both feel like it, but would also spend much time just reading, cooking, going for long walks and to cinemas on your own. i also think road trips, whether with friends or not, where you listen to music, bring orange juice and travel to places you would both like to visit would be a must.

to people you would seem like a quiet and shy, cute couple, though you’d probably be far louder and more playful when with people you hold dear.

have a great day💕

#ethan torchio #ethan torchio imagine #ethan torchio x reader #maneskin #maneskin imagine #maneskin imagines #maneskin x reader #måneskin #match up requests #match ups

[lovelivingmydreams]

A story by heroes and villains

Janus Bullard: Drift away

When you don't let people close, they tend to drift away. Janus seems to struggle to understand that.

Masterlist

When sophomore year started, Janus had few comforts in their lives. One, Virgil and uncle Lo and their parents. Their constant pillars of support and comfort. And two, they were really good at languages. Which boosted their confidence quite a bit. They breezed through the curriculum for Spanish of last year and studied the rest of the material in their free time, because learning it was fun to them. They already knew French, and by the time finals rolled around they got to take a special test that had effectively gotten them a free period where their language elective should be for the rest of high school. The school prided themselves on adjusting the curriculum to the level of the students. And the best performing students even got to go on a weeklong trip after finals were over. The rest of the school had showcase week. Which meant that all the clubs and electives got to show off their stuff. Janus was not particularly interested in the showcase. He didn’t participate in anything and he knew no one who would be showing anything. So he chose to go on the trip. Virgil didn’t come along despite qualifying. He didn’t want to leave his dad by himself for that long. It was very sweet really. Janus would have argued against it, but it occurred to them that maybe if they were away from Virgil for a bit, then the feelings would calm down and they could just come out and get back to normal without Virgil having to learn that they ever were attracted to him in the first place. It didn’t work. They missed Virgil a lot, to start with. Missing makes the heart grow fonder indeed. It really drove home for him how much he couldn’t stand to lose his friend. On top of that the guys that were with them on the trip were… not the best company to keep. It all started out well. Virgil had made him a special shirt to congratulate him with passing his advanced Language exams. It was a black shirt with a yellow print. A minimalistic open snake mouth on their chest with ‘hiss hiss’ above it. Scales scattered along the left side to match their marks. They loved it. It was a reference to Remus’ old nickname for them. ‘Snakeface’. From anyone else it would have been an insult. But Remus meant it as a complement. Their travel companions, from schools all over the city thought it looked bad ass. It was a great ice breaker if nothing else when they wore it on the first day. That didn’t last long though. On the second night they were talking with the other guys in the boys dormitory. One mentioned a cousin of theirs came out not too long ago. “And his folks actually let him stay. My parents cut ties right away. Can’t believe I used to play ball with a twink.” Janus just barely managed to hide how the word hit them. The other guys agreed and, as much as they hated it, so did they. To say that that was the last time they were confronted with the fact that if these guys were to get to know the real them, they’d make their week hell, would be a lie. And as they heard slurs and jokes about the LGBTQ+ community tossed around as if it was nothing, they started to wonder. Would their parents be okay with it? They thought they would. They’d never seemed to be against the community. They recalled hearing their mother gush about the cute pride stuff they’d spotted in the mall a few times. But accepting that other people were queer and accepting that their son was sometimes more like a daughter and also gay and aromantic… That was something entirely different. And Virgil? Saying you don’t care and actually having to live with the knowledge that your best friend was… broken… What kind of freak were they even that they couldn’t pick a gender? Why couldn’t they fall in love like normal teens? Virgil’d had plenty of crushes already. He’d admitted he hadn’t even told them about all of them! So clearly it wasn’t that hard. Except for them. Because they had to be messed up in every way possible. The way they looked, the way they felt, what they were… When they got home Virgil was at their bedroom door almost within ten minutes of them putting their bag down. “You’re back!” he grinned, excited to see them again. “Tell me everything! Was it worth it letting me die of boredom?” he teased, throwing an arm over their shoulder in a sort of sideways hug. Janus flinched away from Virgil’s proximity. Being close to him made them want to be closer. But still not in the way Virgil might understand. If they just kept him on arm’s length, then things would be ok… Right? Virgil let them go. It didn’t look like he found it odd that Janus wanted distance. Janus tried to remember last time he’d initiated a hug or anything of the sort… With anyone… Maybe they had been a little more distant lately as it was. Good, then it wouldn’t be too obvious if they pushed a little more. They had to. To protect Virgil, to keep him in their life. No one could know. They couldn’t risk it. “It was cool. Saw lots of awesome stuff. The guys were dumb though. Guess no one can replace you,” they smiled carefully. “Aw, J. You’re such a sap,” Virgil teased with a playful punch to the arm. Was that bad? Did straight guys say stuff like that to their friends? Were they being obvious? “Shut up,” he retorted with a push. Not mean. Just playful. That was still okay right? “Movie night?” Virgil suggested, holding up his bag with his part of their collection. Janus hesitated. They needed time. “I’m beat. Maybe some other time,” they shrugged. Virgil nodded. “Okay. See you later J!” And just like that Virgil was out the door. They let themselves fall onto their bed. They had to figure themselves out. Again. Summer passed and Janus found a system that worked for them. It wasn’t great, but it would have to do. They had bought a few cute tops they enjoyed on Janice days. So they wore those when they were needed underneath a baggy hoodie or something else that would hide it. If there was a chance of them needing to take off said ‘cover item’ they’d wear a shirt that was too big like the band shirt. In addition they made sure to act plenty masculine on those days. They hated that part the most. But it was needed. When it came to Virgil, since their problem was just physical all they had to do was make sure they weren’t too close. Which was easier said and done. Hugs and pats on the back and the like used to reassure them so much and now they were a risk. Even if they never acted on the thoughts when they appeared, Virgil might notice. So they had a plan. Not the best plan. But to keep Virgil with them. To keep them both safe. They would do it. First day of school came around and Janice found themself alone at the bus stop. Which was odd. Virgil wasn’t usually late… Maybe he accidently took a bus too early again. Was that going to be a first day tradition? Janice couldn’t be too upset by that. It was just so typically Virgil, and they already looked forward to teasing him about it later. What wasn’t typically Virgil however was him not texting Janice to let them know his mix up. Maybe he hadn’t realized he was early yet? Janice wondered if they should ask Virgil where he was… Better not. They’d see Virgil soon enough. And he’d probably feel bad if they made too big a deal out of it. Again, typical for Virgil, making everything his fault or responsibility somehow. When they got to school though, Virgil was nowhere to be found. He wasn’t in their homeroom either. Which Janice wouldn’t have found too odd. There was always a chance of homeroom getting switched around. But then the teacher handed them two schedules. One for themself and one for Virgil. Virgil was late? Was he sick? Janice looked at the schedules. They shared their first two classes and then they had language electives. Which meant Janice would have a free period while Virgil should be in Spanish. They promised themself to call if Virgil hadn’t shown up by then. Two hours late was a reasonable time to get worried right? They checked their phone as they walked to science class and took a seat. Virgil hadn’t texted at all. Was he ill? Should they text anyway? “Mr. Johnson. You may take a seat next to Mr. Bullard. Class will commence soon.” Janice, mentally cringing at the male honorific, glanced at the kid that just entered. Ugh, they remembered him. He’d had a locker not too far from his last year. He always got in their way, the amount of times he’d bumped into them was infuriating. And now he was about to take Virgil’s seat. But not if they could help it. “Ma’am, I was actually saving this seat for…” “No one. This is my class and I say Mr. Johnson sits next to you.” Janice was taken aback. Most teachers at least heard them out if he asked something. And in almost every case he got what he needed even if he didn’t always get what he wanted. This one didn’t even want to listen though. They glared at the boy… Carlton, if they remembered correctly, as he took the seat next to them. The boy shrunk away, he was trembling… Janice supposed they had been pretty rude to him last year. Not that they cared. It just would make being desk mates very annoying. Janice didn’t waste time on wanting others to like them.

“It’s your lucky day Mr. Castile,” the teacher said dryly the second the bell rang. No… Janice looked up, there he was. The school’s golden boy. He looked slightly out of breath, and smiled sheepishly. “Apologies miss,” he replied as he looked around, probably looking for an empty seat. For a moment his eyes found Janice and he was clearly about as happy as they were with Janice being here on the seat right behind the only empty bench. Janice had an extra reason to be upset though. Castile would be sitting next to Virgil. He took the seat next to the window, right in front of Janice. Janice’s thoughts were racing. How were they supposed to function with that idiot around? They hadn’t had to interact with him too often last year. And when they did Janice had made sure he knew that they saw right through the knight in shining armor act he put up for the rest of the school. He only acted like that to impress their classmates. He was in theatre. He lived for the praise. “I hope you like where you are sitting… Ah, so glad you could join us Mr. Anker.” Janice tensed up when they saw the way Castile’s head snapped up, a bright smile on their face. It was such a genuine reaction… Why though? He had enough friends. Why was Virgil so important that he seemed genuinely happy to see him? “Take your seat and spare me your excuses,” the teacher snapped when Virgil opened his mouth to speak. “I was just telling the class that these are your seats for the rest of the year. So I hope you like your neighbor, they are your new lab partner.” Virgil’s face fell and he looked around. His make up was gone and he looked a mess, but other than that he seemed fine. Janice would have to ask him what had happened this morning later. To their annoyance, Virgil’s gaze didn’t even make it to their seat. Once he spotted the empty seat next to Castile, he too, lit up. Why? What did Castile have that was so special? Other than a pretty face? They watched Castile wave at Virgil, getting rewarded with a smile from their best friend.

“Man, talk about a lucky break,” Virgil said as he sat down. That hurt. Didn’t he want to sit with them? They tried to calm themselves. Virgil had simply not noticed them. He wouldn’t have said that if he knew they were in this class too. “I agree,” Castile grinned. That smug piece of… He knew they were here. He was taunting them! Class started, and Janice managed to ignore the pair in front of them. They even calmed down. Found themselves a little amused at their neighbor’s not so subtle glances at the desk in front of them. They’d spotted the pride flag stitched in their assigned lab partner’s pencil case. Maybe they should lay off a little. Poor kid had a crush on Roman Castile. He had enough to deal with. But then the experiment started. They divided the work so Johnson wouldn’t have to talk with them too much. they did their best to focus on their part of the assignment. But it proved difficult. Virgil and Roman were doing every step together and they were having fun. They talked and joked with familiarity that told Janice that somehow, Castile had managed to weasel his way into Virgil’s life, despite their efforts to chase him away. Sure they’d overheard from conversations in the hallways that Virgil was still standing up to bullies and that the Hispanic teen had joined him on occasion. But had that really been all it took? Suddenly Virgil got up, bringing a paper to the front. Damn, they had to focus. They managed to block out their surroundings for a good while. Until Virgil’s laugh pulled them out. He was looking very comfortable, sitting there with the enemy.

“Only you can pull of talking like a Shakespeare character,” Virgil grinned. “Well, only you can pull off dressing like a dark knight and still looking like a lost kitten,” Castile shot back. Janice tensed. How dare he ridicule their best friend like that? Virgil gave Roman a shove. “You take that back!” he demanded “I am dark and mysterious and intimidating!” Janice had to interfere, before Virgil got himself in trouble. they took an empty page from their notebook, crushed it in their fist and tossed it against Castile’s head. Both boys turned to look at them. Their attention was on Castile though. “What gives Bullard?” he hissed. No, it wasn’t attractive when he got that serious and intense look in his eyes. He was annoying and a danger. He was going to hurt Virgil. Or take him away and then hurt him. “You take Smellington next time. Virgil is sitting with me.” It was a good solution. Castile would be unable to resist being a knight in shining armor, so Janice acted as if they were the big bad Johnson had to be saved from. Carlton got to sit next to his crush, and Janice and Virgil could sit together. Like they should have been. Everyone happy. “Excuse me? His name is Carlton.” Just as Janice suspected. There was the hero complex. “And you don’t get to say where I sit J. I’m fine sitting with Roman. Besides you heard the teacher. No switching seats.” That… What? Virgil wanted to sit there? And he was offended that Janice tried to help? “We always sit together!” they reminded him. They were a team right? Them against the world? They’d have each other’s back no matter what… Right? Virgil’s jaw set. “Exactly. The world won’t end because I’m Roman’s lab partner J.” Where was all this coming from? What had Castile been poisoning his mind with? “Am I interrupting?” Janice looked up to the teacher. She still didn’t look like she was in the mood to listen to Janice. But they had to try. “Mr. Bullard,” once again, that stung. “I don’t have you and Mr. Jonson’s assignment yet, which means you can’t be talking with anyone else besides each other right now.” Oh, she really wasn’t in the mood to listen. Against better judgement, Janice gave her their most charming smile. If they knew that they were being perfectly reasonable, people usually followed along with their way of thinking. “Ma’am, I can’t work with him. Virgil and I never had a problem in projects, can’t we…” “No.” Janice nearly flinched at the finality of that word. But the teacher wasn’t done yet. “I put Mr. Jonson next to you because you are much too dependent on Mr. Anker’s presence.” She’d done it on purpose? And dependent? What did she mean? They weren’t that… Had it been so obvious to outsiders? Did she know? “You won’t always be able to hide behind him Mr. Bullard. You better learn that now.” They hadn’t! They’d stopped hiding in middle school. They’d been trying to be the shield! “And if I see any more problems here then all that’ll change is that Mr. Castile and Mr. Anker will be moved to the front of the class so you can’t distract them anymore. Is that understood?” She had it all wrong. She didn’t understand. But Janice knew they couldn’t do anything about it. So they nodded and returned their attention to their assignment.

They finished up the last of their notes when Virgil laughed again. “Charming huh? You certainly have a high opinion of yourself.” Janice’s jaw clenched. They agreed, but Virgil’s tone was too playful. Like it was when he was teasing them. “Oh, my knight, why must you hurt me so?” Castile objected dramatically. Janice did their best to block out the rest of the conversation and focus on finishing the assignment with Johnson. Whatever was said between Castile and Virgil after that, it had him pretty excited.

He dragged Janice to the bathroom where he started to apply foundation and a two second version of his usual eyeshadow. “Where were you?” Janice asked on their way there. Virgil bit his lip. “Dad was home late yesterday and forgot to tell me…” he told them. Oh, now Janice understood. Virgil was the kind of guy who saw you fall and worried if you’d broken something while rushing you to the nurse no matter what you said. He worried a lot. He was a lot like uncle Lo in that way. His father not being his punctual self without warning must’ve been very stressful. “And you didn’t go to bed until you were sure he was safe and sound,” Janice nodded in understanding. “Yeah… I must’ve forgotten to set my alarm or something.” At this point they’d arrived in the bathroom and Virgil took out his foundation and started fixing up his appearance. Needlessly in Janice’s opinion, but they had bigger things to worry about.

“Listen, I’m sorry for being so snappy earlier. I know you worry about me and stuff but Roman is really not as bad as you think. He even invited us to sit with him and his friends during lunch!” he announced excitedly as he put away his make-up. “Then you'll see for yourself…” Lunch with Roman Castile and all his friends? All people who could discover their secrets? One slip up on a Janice day, one lingering look towards Virgil or Castile and they were out.

And being around not one, but two guys they found attractive… they couldn't bear it.

“Absolutely not!” they objected in a panic. “Jan, it’s just lunch,” Virgil argued gently. “If it’s not fun then we can bail on them any time. You are the one who’s so obsessed with our spot on the social ladder. What do we have to lose?” He made good points. And part of Janice wanted the protection a group like that offered. But Virgil didn't have the full picture. Janice cast their eyes to the heavens trying to hide the conflict within, to play off how worried and scared they felt. “I don’t expect you to understand this Virgil. But the offer wasn’t for us. Castile wants something from you. And he’ll have his friends be nice to me around you to get it.”

Virgil was clearly not impressed. “I know I’m not exactly mister sunshine, but that’s overly dramatic and pessimistic. Roman is cool. Like, genuinely. And if you gave him a chance…” “Oh please Virgil! You are not this naïve!” Janice exclaimed. Harsh in their desperation to finish the conversation.

“Why do you want his friendship so badly that you blind yourself like this?” Weren't they enough? What did they do wrong? “He can have anything from anyone he wants! Why would he want to be around some awkward outcasts?” Why did he insist on pursuing the only person Janus cared about at school? “Except to make himself look good? What end does that serve? Everything anyone ever does serves some selfish end Virgil. Even the most noble of deeds are ultimately out of desire to be seen as good.” Just because Janus hadn’t figured out what Roman Castile had to gain from talking to them, didn’t mean that there wasn’t some end goal. “Except for you of course, you only have my best interest at heart!?” Virgil’s statement caught them of guard. He had a point. Part of this was their fear of being alone, being found out and rejected. But it was also for Virgil's own good. They needed Virgil to understand that. To believe them. And so they did something they had been avoiding. They got close. Stepped right into Virgil's personal space. If they wanted, and Virgil hadn’t hidden them behind his foundation, they could’ve counted the freckles on Virgil’s cheeks. But now was no time for those observations. They had to get through to him. No matter what. “You are my only friend Virgil. Of course I want to protect you, even from yourself. Don’t let Roman’s flowery words and cute pet names get to you.” Kitten, knight. The nerve of that guy. “I give him a week before he gets bored of you. And I don’t want to see you hurt by that.” That last part was the most sincere he'd been about how he felt towards Virgil in what felt like forever.

All fight left Virgil’s frame and he nodded. Janice relaxed and led the way to their first CPR training. They made sure to wait for Virgil when he left Spanish. Virgil was quiet all day. He got like that sometimes after a disagreement. Janice tried to give him space. They had been a little harsh. And after Virgil had a rough night already. They knew he needed comfort and support on those days. No wonder he’d gravitated towards Castile this morning. All that positive energy probably drew Virgil in like a moth to a flame. Janice should have been more understanding. Maybe they could have a movie night next weekend. With V's favorite snacks and movies.

They’d make it up to him. And then they could get back to something somewhat normal.

It worked. Virgil seemed in better spirits after they suggested the weekend plans. Janus paid closer attention and ensured that Virgil wouldn't fall for Castile's tricks though.

They stuck together like always. Janus had started chatting with native Spanish speakers, learning more regional words and slang. They were also learning ASL. Virgil laughed when they explained the name signs they made up for him, uncle Lo and their parents.

Things were going well. Until Halloween came around. Virgil loved Halloween. He didn’t show it off at school, considering he put the least possible effort in his school costume the past two years, but when at home, he was a master. Janus had enjoyed watching him and uncle Lo dazzle the trick or treaters. They’d considered asking Virgil to give them a spook up as well, but that would mean close proximity for extended periods of time. And they couldn’t handle that. This year Janus had drawn some scales on their face and assembled a dragon costume. They’d even gotten crafty with the wings. Using a pair of children’s fairy wings as a base. Virgil had complemented them, which had made them feel pretty good about themselves. Virgil was texting with his dad that morning. Apparently he had a thing coming up that weekend and was rather nervous. Janus was happy to hear that their honorary uncle had exciting things happen in his life. They didn’t pry for more information though. Surely Virgil would’ve shared more if there was more to know. And then Castile had walked in. Looking ridiculously handsome even if he was trying to look like a crazed dark prince. Redish circles under his eyes, run out make up. As if he’d recently cried a river. His costume was dark and slightly torn and crumpled. And still he looked good. He made a big show of his entrance and made a tour around the classroom before climbing on his desk and continuing his tale of conquest. Janus, not immune to the boy’s massive charisma, made sure to glare at him so that if the prince would happen to glance their direction he wouldn’t give anything away. Glaring at the dark prince wasn’t hard, considering he also had his neighbor’s attention. Virgil was enjoying the show.

And apparently Castile noticed. He made a grand gesture towards Virgil. “And you, my coldhearted friend, may rule at my side!” Janus’ eyes narrowed. Was this the thing? Was Roman looking for a second in command? It was a good picture they supposed. The nickname ‘Knight’ suddenly made a lot of sense. It would fit. They both stood against the bullies, no doubt earning them both a good image in the public eye. If they were considered a team all the time, Roman’s spot on the social ladder would get even more secure. Was that it? “Is that a fact?” Virgil chuckled, pulling Janus out of his thoughts. Was he… Was he seriously going along with it? “Of course!” Janus hated how excited Castile seemed. “You, dear count, are the only other of noble lineage! No one else is worthy of a throne!” “But ruling sounds like a lot of work,” Virgil whined. Janus held their breath… But the laughter that followed… Wasn’t bad. Castile immediately rolled with Virgil’s contribution. “Then you may feast on my enemies!” To Janus’ great relief, the teacher entered in that moment. Their nerves couldn’t take much more than that. On the way to CPR Janus tried to get Virgil back with his feet on the ground. “You were lucky, but that could have gone so wrong!” they exclaimed. Virgil, surprised them however. “Roman and I are lab partners, and we’re going to talk,” Virgil reminded them. They knew that. But they got on fine with minimal communication with their neighbor. And Virgil had been doing fine too… Or… Well, maybe he hadn’t been happy about it… “And sometimes we’re going to have fun doing so. You have zero right to tell me who I can and can’t spend time with. I’m not your pet.” That hit Janus hard… Was that… Had they been acting that badly? Maybe they’d been too clingy. Overcompensating for the physical distance they’d forced themselves to maintain? They let Virgil walk to Spanish alone and spent their free hour thinking things through. Maybe they were a tad controlling… And Virgil talking to Castile a little during science might not be the end of the world… They could try to live with that right? When they saw Castile drag Virgil to his table during lunch they could barely breathe. Virgil looked so happy about it too. Had they been too late to make adjustments? Was this their life now? The very nightmare they’d tried to prevent? But then, Virgil and Roman made a bow and Virgil walked back to Janus. People watched him walk by the way Janus had seen them do with popular kids. They admired him? Was… Had Virgil become a popular kid without either of them realizing? “Talk about putting yourself on blast! What were you thinking?” they snapped, still reeling with emotions. “Yolo,” Virgil shrugged. And ‘cool’ was the only term Janus could come up with to describe the way he held himself right now. “No one says that anymore,” Janus pointed out, as if to convince themself that Virgil wasn’t that kind of cool. “It’s what I was thinking.” Or maybe he was… Janus tried not to bother Virgil about who he chose to hang out with after that day. It wasn’t easy though. Virgil and Castile were almost flirty with each other and Janus found that very distracting. Add that to everything else that frustrated them and you better hope you didn’t cross Janus on a Janice day after a bad night. They picked a lot of fights. Partly to prove themselves as a cis. Partly to vent these frustrations on something other than Castile. Speaking off. It was nearly always him or Virgil or both who stopped the fight. Roman would stare them down until they left. Virgil would tell them off and drag them away if need be. Both were… possibly… another reason why they picked a fight. Negative attention was still attention after all. On a particular bad day, a senior decided to pick on them. And they were not having it.

Castile and Virgil put a stop to that one. But the principal called them to their office anyway. “He started it,” Janice insisted. They were sitting in the office for a couple of minutes now, with the Principal just looking at them expectantly. “Oh? How’s that?” Janice gestured to their face. They’d gotten good at ignoring the jabs the past few years. Knowing that they couldn’t do anything against an upper classman and having bigger things to worry about. But today… Today it had just been too much. “It’s not the first time you got into a fight Janus. We want to help. But you have to let us. What is bothering you? Really. Why are you so angry?”

Oh, where to start? Janice just shrugged, not comfortable opening that can of worms in front of this adult. They wouldn’t understand. Janus heard they’d been vocal about their sexuality and gender since middle school. All they would do was tell them to just come out already. The principal sighed. “We’ll have to inform your parents of this Janus…” “No you don’t,” Janice stated. He wasn’t even scared. Stokes was a reasonable person. “Why’s that?” They wondered. “I didn’t hit him. And he didn’t hit me. No one got hurt. What’s the point of calling my parents? My grades are good, I never skip. So I don’t let people walk over me… Is that so bad?” they explained. Stokes frowned, but then relaxed. “Fine. But at least consider going to the school counselor. At least once. There are systems here to help you. You just have to ask.” Yeah, they’d get right on that. “Tanks Mx. Stokes,” they muttered as they left. A few weeks later Janus was looking over elective courses with Virgil. Janus had been careful about selecting courses for them. They could pick two courses each year. One every semester. First year, Virgil had made a deep dive into some articles about how messed up the education system was and how useless the curriculum was. So Janus suggested Personal Finances and Home economics. Which was basically the: ‘how to adult’ elective packet. This year they’d picked CPR, which Virgil had enjoyed a lot and Philosophy. They’d suggested it out of personal interest. They’d known it might not be Virgil’s cup of tea, but to their pleasant surprise Virgil had agreed. “Sociology would be a good choice,” Janus suggested, testing the waters. They really hoped Virgil would be okay with it. It seemed very interesting. Virgil only made a vague sound of acknowledgement though. Well, there were other interesting subjects… “I was thinking to take an art elective,” he told Janus after a few moments. Janus was surprised. Virgil never cared about electives before. And art? “Why?” “Because I’d like to actually learn some techniques? I dunno. They say to pick something that fits our interests. I’m interested in art.” Janus had no idea where the annoyed tone came from. Sure Virgil drew and he was good. But… To make it your elective? Virgil knew that those choices would affect their chances at getting accepted into college right? Especially for the next two years. “But we can’t do anything with that in college,” they reminded him, just in case. “I suppose it’s a decent extracurricular,” they admitted, wanting to find a compromise. But saying that reminded them. They should probably pick some good ones for the next two years as well. They looked good on application forms.

“But…” Virgil objected interrupting Janus’ musings on the pro and cons of joining a sports team. “I really want to do art. The new teacher is a pretty awesome artist I’ve been kind of following for a while. This might be my only chance to learn from him.” The arts program was heavily volunteer based, which allowed the school to offer many different electives and even more extracurricular. The teachers largely donated their time and switched around semester to semester. If this artist was indeed someone of note, they might be gone after Christmas. So on some level Janus understood. But why would Virgil need to spend a perfectly good elective on something he was already good at? He could probably teach the class himself. “Don’t be dramatic V. It’s not like you can make a career out of drawings,” they pointed out dismissively. Maybe they were a little crass. But Virgil couldn’t afford to live in a fantasy. Art was personal and showing it gave other people a weapon against you. And Janus really felt they should start picking electives based more on what they wanted their career to be. Janus was thinking journalist or lawyer for themselves. They weren’t sure what Virgil would pick. Last time they’d talked about such things was… Back when they still thought they were cis and straight. And they’d been joking about going into hero business. Daydreaming about opening a specialized store or becoming heroes themselves. But maybe Virgil would be a lawyer too. He’d probably like defending the little guy in the courtroom. He was already doing that in the hallways. Or some other function in law enforcement. Janus couldn’t imagine Virgil not trying to make the world a better place. “It makes me happy,” Virgil pointed out, though barely audible. Good, he was realizing there was no point to that class. “A career isn’t about what makes you happy, it’s about what gets you ahead in life.” And with that, Janus returned their attention to the electives. Not aware of the mistake they’d just made.

Mistakes

@cirishere @hestianerd1​ @moonlightshow00​ @naturallyunstablegamer​ @alias290​ @meowthefluffy​ @frida0043​ @angelic-cali​ @selenechris​ @theblackveilinreverse​

#sanders sides #ts sides #janus sanders #virgil sanders #roman sanders #background prinxiety #tw homofobia #tw seldepriciation #tw internalized homofobia #janus makes bad choices #angsty

[wigwurq]

WIG REVIEW: WONDER WOMAN 1984

You guys! Now that the holidaze are over, I finally got around to watching the #1 most hated movie of the holiday season: Wonder Woman 1984! People have so many opinions about this movie AND NOW I DO TOO! I even have some thoughts on the wigs! Let’s discuss.

We begin in Themyscira, land of Amazons, fishtail braidology, Robin Wright, NO EFFING MEN, and also this weird Amazon gladiator gauntlet that is mainly brought to you by lots of computers. Baby Gal Gadot (nee Wonder Woman) is allowed to compete in this CGI decathalon despite being 1/3 the size and age of the other competitors and almost wins the damn thing but Auntie Robin Wright disqualifies her for trying to cheat to win. About 4 hours later, toward the end of this movie, Wonder Woman also tries to “cheat” at something so this is kinda sorta foreshadowing if you believe that the writers of this screenplay even had that forethought! 

Moving ahead to 1984, this movie just gets SO 1984. Or really “1984″ in the Stranger Things sense, in that they even used the damn mall that that show takes place in and some dumb criminals steal some jewelry and Wonder Woman saves the day and also comically saves some kids who could have been hurt. I am still bitterly injured by Gal Gadot’s wig, which is not so bent and tangled as the first Wonder Woman movie. Still, the general texture and quality leave something to be desired AS DOES THIS WHOLE MOVIE BUT I AM GETTING AHEAD OF MYSELF!! Anyway, other than foiling crimes at malls, Gal Gadot mainly lives a sad single life in DC where she pines away for Chris Pine in her fabulous apartment, surrounded by an astonishing amount of photographs of her late boyfriend, given the fact that the pictures she has of him are from the 1910s when not everyone had a damn photo printer. Absent of course, is the photograph of her and her ragtag WWI buddies which is delivered to her at the end of the first Wonder Woman movie in the present day and therefore hasn’t happened yet and here begins and ends all logic in this movie. 

Anyway! Gal Gadot works with Kristen Wiig, who does her fabulously awkward Kirsten Wiig thing as a nerdy scientist who is largely overlooked by all of society and who wears upsetting culottes and oversized sweatshirts and drinks Bartles and Jaymes (THIS MOVIE MISSES NO OPPORTUNITIES TO #80s). Her wig, as all wigs worn by Kristen Wiig in movies, is a horrible mess of bad texture and general bentness. Also, together she and Gal Gadot are sifting through the jewelry stolen by those thieves at the mall and there is one particular giant crystal or whatever that seems to possess magical properties. Yes, like the Infinity Stones that came (and then kept coming!)  AND YES I REALIZE THAT THAT IS MCU AND THIS IS DC BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER: EVERY GODDAMNED SUPERHERO MOVIE IS SOMEHOW ABOUT HAUNTED JEWELRY.

Enter Pedro Pascal in the most outrageous 80s wig in honestly the most outrageous 80s role. He essentially plays Donald Trump - a start-up conning people out of money who is also a terrible dad and has terrible hair. I really wondered for much of this movie if this wig was supposed to be a wig, because it looks as fake and wig-like as Trump’s hair, but no - I think this is supposed to be real hair! Truly truly truly outrageous. Anyway, dude basically doesn’t want to work hard to get rich (again, much like Trump!) and instead wants to just wish his way into success via this dream crystal that Gal Gadot and Kristen Wiig have.

OH AND THEY ALREADY WISHED ON THE CRYSTAL! Kristen Wiig wishes to be like Gal Gadot (not realizing that she’s actually wishing to be Wonder Woman) and gets the most outrageous makeover into this bleached blonde nightmare. AND EVERYONE IS JUST LIKE WOW YOU’RE NOT WEARING CULOTTES ANYMORE I GUESS THIS IS NORMAL FOR YOU TO SUDDENLY LOOK THIS WAY AND FOR YOUR HAIR TO INEXPLICABLY BE INCHES LONGER IN THE COURSE OF AN AFTERNOON. Also! Although this bleached blonde wig is maybe an upgrade from her mousy wig from before, that really means nothing as both wigs are garbage.

Gal Gadot’s wish, of course, was for her ain’ true love, Chris Pine, to come back. AND THEN HE DOES! SORTA! Despite being definitely exploded in a plane in 1918 (in the first movie - spoiler?), he just kinda walks into this fancy party like “hey what’s up?” OH EXCEPT FOR ONE SMALL THING.

HE LOOKS LIKE THIS DUDE TO EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT GAL GADOT. Ok? I guess because Chris Pine’s actual physical body was destroyed in 1918, he has to inhabit the body of this random man credited only as ‘Handsome Man’ in 1984 which really begs the question - what then happens to this handsome dude while Chris Pine shapeshifts into him and does anyone care? ALSO! Plot-wise, this is just the tip of the iceberg in crystal wishes - basically everyone on earth gets a wish before film’s end and all are fulfilled no matter how ludicrous - and yet no other wish seem to have these sort of strings attached EXCEPT FOR WONDER WOMAN! WHY DOES ONLY WONDER WOMAN GET THE PET SEMATARY OF WISHES?!?!?!

Anyway! Lucky for us all, ‘Handsome Man’ has the most 80s closet ever! As we all know, movies set in the 80s are contractually obligated to provide us with a very 80s fashion montage and this one is ALL ABOUT CHRIS PINE. Somehow, ‘Handsome Man’ owns like 10 different fanny packs?!?! Every single 80s menswear disaster is covered here at least three times you guys.

About 3 hours later, he settles on this outfit! Mazel!  I’d like to pause this review to now give my definitive breakdown of CHRIS rankings (limited only to the 4 young-ish, blonde-ish Chris actors who appear in superhero movies) so that I might now abbreviate Chris Pine to #2 Chris WHICH HE IS. Ahem:

- BEST CHRIS is obviously CHRIS EVANS. This is because he gets into Twitter wars with racists, he offered his arm of support to Regina King when she stumbled getting her Oscar, and he wears the shit out of a sweater. There are many other reasons also but no other Chris can compare - HE IS BEST CHRIS.

- WORST CHRIS is obviously CHRIS PRATT. This is because he is super Jesusy evangelical and also anti-LGBTQ and married a Schwarzenegger (tho Arnold wishes he was Evans too!). There are many other reasons why but those are the most important reasons. WORST CHRIS.

- #2 CHRIS is a constant battle between CHRIS HEMSWORTH AND CHRIS PINE. Hemsworth is very funny in the lady Ghostbusters, was once on Dancing With The Stars in Australia, and can really commit to a fatsuit. Pine is great at singing on a Wet Hot American Summer roof OR a river, loves caftans, and is loved by the one and only Wonder Woman. It’s an infinity tie between these two and therefore #2 Chris is in the eye of the beholder during whatever you are beholding, and currently we’re beholding Pine. #2 CHRIS! 

Yes, this lengthy roundup was definitely worth it so that I can abbreviate Chris Pine to #2 Chris now. Moving on!

So Gal Gadot and #2 Chris walk through a very 80s DC while #2 Chris’s mind gets blown by all the stuff that is different in the 70s years he’s been dead. No 80s movie would be complete without of course covering PUNKS!!! This is where this movie definitely lost my husband because one of these punks is wearing a Cro-Mags shirt from an album THAT CAME OUT IN 1986. This offends me, also, not because I care about that band but because this is lazy costuming! Apparently, my husband was not the only one to notice this and become deeply offended - and Cro-Mags cofounder even chimed in to say that this is all ok because they released a demo for the ‘86 album in 1984 (AND WE ALL KNOW EVERYONE DEFINITELY MAKES SHIRTS BASED ON DEMO ALBUMS?) I still find this lazy and stupid costuming and remain annoyed! ANYWAY!

Back to the “plot”...Kristen Wiig and Pedro Pascal’s confederacy of bad wigs kinda sorta hook up at this dumb party so that Pedro Pascal can steal that very important wishing crystal! AND THEN HE WISHES ON THE CRYSTAL THAT HE CAN BE THE CRYSTAL. Haunted jewelry plots have never been so dumb as this you guys! AND ALL OF THE INFINITY STONES MOVIES WERE INFINITELY STUPID SO THIS IS REALLY SAYING SOMETHING.

So basically, after 70 years apart, Gal Gadot and #2 Chris have no more time to waste on fanny pack fashion shows or questionable metro punks and have to follow Pedro Pascal to Egypt, where he has gone to demand some oil from Egypt now that he is the physical manifestation of a wishing crystal. In order to get to Egypt themselves, Gal and #2 Chris steal a plane from the Smithsonian (which apparently just has some jets laying around some random tarmac) and then Gal WISHES THE JET INTO BEING INVISIBLE! This is obviously to fuel Wonder Woman invisible jet nostalgia and also to waste about 45 minutes on shots of them invisibly flying through fireworks. BECAUSE IT’S THE 4TH OF JULY WAIT HOW DID THEY VISIT ANY MUSEUMS OR DO ANYTHING ON A NATIONAL HOLIDAY EARLIER THAT DAY OH RIGHT THERE IS NO LOGIC IN THIS MOVIE. Over in Egypt, the wishing crystal Pedro Pascal hisself somehow creates a water shortage and refugee crisis in Egypt and Gal has to Wonder Woman some kids to safety, but mainly she wears this amazing jumpsuit and is able to find a working payphone to call Kristen Wiig and ask if she has any intel on that damn wishing crystal.

Kristen Wiig is somehow EVEN MORE BLONDE AND WEARING THIS DAMN COAT. I mean...you guys. WHAT. Like any good 80s thriller, Kristen Wiig researched the wishing crystal on microfiche which leads her to a random record store where she meets up with Gal and #2 Chris who I guess flew the invisijet back to DC from Egypt in a few minutes or something. Anyway, rando dude at the record store takes out some musty old book that has all the wishing crystal information everyone needed and basically warns that it can destroy society AND ALSO it can take things away from the wisher like a damn monkey’s paw. SPEAKING OF MONKEYS THAT COAT THE END.

But Kristen Wiig’s makeover is far from over! She finally appears as Cheetah herself at the damn White House, where the wishing crystal Pedro Pascal is asking a fake Ronald Reagan (?) if he can please satellite everyone on the earth so he can grow stronger as a crystal person OR SOMETHING? Anyway, Kristen’s lewk is very “punk” but not in a Cro-Mag way, but more in a Meryl Streep in Ricki and the Flash way? It’s a battle of not great wigs, at any rate. Kristen doesn’t want anyone harming her wishing crystal Pedro since that’s what made her Cheetah so there is this huge dumb fight where Pedro and Kristen just kinda glide away (not unlike actual Trump and his idiots last week and omg did this movie foretell that) and then Gal realizes that she has to denounce her wish because the monkey paw’s clause of it all is making her not powerful enough to fight anymore. So #2 Chris is like: I should just be dead anyway and my whole existence is very Pet Sematary and everyone kind of cries in an alley and #2 Chris dies again (?) Also! I think this is supposed to have been foretold by that earlier scene with baby Gal Gadot trying to cheat at that decathalon or whatever because you can’t cheat....death??? Regardless, Gal jumps into the sky and somehow is ABLE TO FLY BASED ON AERODYNAMIC FACTS #2 CHRIS GAVE HER WHILE FLYING AN INVISIJET? SURE!

Over in another plane, Pedro and Kristen are on their way to some satellite island to broadcast to the world about crystal wishes and dude is not looking so great because wishing that you are a crystal is a terrible idea. This is the point at which I realized that this wig was supposed to be real hair because it looks so sweaty and shitty but has consistently looked like a shitty wig through this entire “plot.” Anyway! He asks Kristen Wiig if she wants another wish which....huh? Somehow Gal Gadot’s wish ended up a Pet Sematary nightmare of possessed handsome man bodies that she had to renounce but Kristen Wiig gets two wishes? SURE! AND KRISTEN WIIG WISHES THAT SHE BECOME THE “ULTIMATE PREDATOR” WHAT ON EARTH IS THIS MOVIE Y’ALL.

APPARENTLY THIS IS WHAT AN ULTIMATE PREDATOR LOOKS LIKE?!?!?! YOU GUYS. In order to literally become a Cheetah, they gave Kristen Wiig a CGI body and....kabuki makeup? This lewk absolutely looks like a mashup between two dueling community theater productions of Cats and Pacific Overtures and I can’t stop laughing. 

Meanwhile, Gal finally gets to rock this lewk which was earlier described as the battle armor of the goddess, Asteria, who was the one chick NOT invited to  Themyscira for Amazonian fishtail braidology times, and had to stay behind to FIGHT EVERY MAN ON EARTH but did get this sweet armor out of it?!?! Regardless, despite withstanding all men ever, Cheetah somehow effs up this armor in a matter of seconds, but Gal is still able to defeat her through underwater electrocution (which somehow avoids Gal herself even though SHE’S WEARING AN ENTIRE SUIT OF METAL). 

Anyway, in the end, the entire world is on the brink of collapse and eveyone is looking at old dumb 80s tv screens because of all the dumb wishes everyone made and I guess I appreciate the fact that this entire movie is about dumb 80s wish fulfillment but also there are so many plotholes that I can’t even, you guys. Gal somehow lassoes Pedro Pascal into remembering his shitty dad and realizes that he is now a shitty dad and everyone somehow renounces their wishes and Pedor Pascal just kind of WALKS OFF AN ISLAND INTO THE DEBRIS OF DC AND FINDS HIS CHILD BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD?!?!?!?! It’s really annoying that this movie somehow rewards this shitty dad but also doesn’t let a woman (specifically WONDER WOMAN) have both a love life and her own damn job and I’m not alone in being annoyed by that. ANYWAY, days or weeks after the entire world almost ended, there is somehow a cute Christmas carnival that was definitely a stolen set from Dolly Parton’s Christmas in the Square where Gal Gadot is reunited with ‘Handsome Man’ who has no knowledge of previously being possessed by #2 Chris and is still rocking ALL THIS 80s FASHION and then a star shaped balloon is released into the sky and I wonder if this entire movie has been a Macy’s ad. 

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! In a mid-credits scene which is also maybe the only watchable part of this movie, the goddess Asteria (and OG owner of that gold body armor) is revealed to be alive and well and played by OG Wonder Woman, LYNDA EFFING CARTER!! She is definitely an actual goddess who never ages and whose hair is way better than any wigs on display at any point in this movie and is also the only part of the movie you should watch. THE END.

VERDICT: DOESN’T WURQ

#wonderwoman84 #ww84 #wigwurq #galgadot #chrispine #2chris #chrisrankings #kirstenwiig #cheetah #punks #THE80S #contractualfashionmontages #pedropascal #hauntedjewelry #lyndacarter

[solarcitymelodies]

Wowza sorry y'all about the random massive Rockafire spam, I'm pretty sure ??most?? People on here? know me for just Knight Rider because that's the only thing I've ever REALLY posted about--

but I Do Not Care it's RAE hours right now so uhhh here's some headcannons that probably aren't Canon compliant very much because I just got into RAE like last week

So like. I feel like Mitzi is a Good Amount younger than the rest of the band like she was in highschool when she joined, the rest of em were all Adults™ and she was a little bit nervous about it because...... ADULTS™

She was just lookin for a place to get her singing voice out there, because ya girl REALLY wanted to perform, and showbiz happened to have a slot open, but she did not expect all of the members to be older than her (although looking back, she realized she probably should have expected that)

It was intimidating at first but Billy Bob and Fatz were just the absolute sweetest and they introduced her properly to the rest of the band because she was like "oh I barely talk to them because I get nervous :(" and the resident dads p much said "aight we can do all the talking for you then, how about that?" And badabing badaboom she's now attached to these two and like honestly who isn't or maybe that's just me but ANYWAYS I feel like the band would become a second home/safe space for her

Yeah fr some reason I have BIG long headcannon for her joining the band but the rest of them? Nobody knows how they got there for all I know they just Showed Up One Day

Also I came across this

https://youtu.be/UU7BeUWQBDI

Which got me thinkin about what my headcannons were as far as sexuality/gender stuff

And I find the concept of Billy Bob being Very Much Straight And Ignorant but trying his hardest to be a good ally SO funny like if someone came out to him he'd probably be like "oh!! I don't understand why you would choose that lifestyle but I respect you!!" not realizing how incredibly stupid he sounds sjkrjh like I don't think he can very easily wrap his head around how people are just. not cishet. so he's like "OH then it must be a choice, right? like you can choose to be gay but you're born straight. Right?" and everyone just shakes their heads in the background but he does earnestly try his best and my man would rather DIE than disrespect someone's pronouns I know this for sure

Fatz is pretty similar, straight ally and a lil confused but he's got the spirit, you know? He still least knows being gay (as well as,,, m o s t sexualities that aren't straight, although some he doesn't get/know about at all) isn't a choice but he hasn't quite grasped that being trans is also not a choice. He will respect your pronouns to hell and back but by god he doesn't get it,,, he's trying though and he feels very accomplished in himself that he's starting to get the hang of using they/them even though he slips up a lot

The rest of the band encourages the HELL out of these two because they're. Trying their best and making an honest effort which is more than a pretty good chunk of people would give

Rolfe, Earl, and Dook are the reasons Billy Bob and Fatz are trying so hard to understand it lmao

Rolfe took it upon himself to hang up a MASSIVE gay pride flag backstage, being the flaming homosexual that he is, and the rest of the squad quickly realized "oh he's GAY gay he wasn't kidding" because at first they literally thought he was joking as he was actually just being openly and obnoxiously a raging mlm (and like I mean no shade to him this isn't me tryna to make fun of it because my dumb sapphic ass almost crashed my car once because I saw a pretty girl walk down the street. And by "once" I mean. Yesterday.) Anyways yeah that's when the rest of em Realized and were like "OH" but after the massive pride flag was hung up that prompted Dook to come out and they were all like "???? YOU TOO????"

Dook is a non-binary ICON he's a demiboy and goes by both he/him and they/them and probably would have a bunch of pride pins I think,,, I'm not really sure of his sexuality though!! honestly he kinda gives me bisexual vibes but Who Knows . Not me. He has a HELL of a time trying to explain his gender to the rest of the band (except for Rolfe because like. He's a part of the community so he knows) and basically he was met with "so you're just a dude but ✨spicy✨?" and it was like, "no, but I have no idea how to explain it in a way that will make sense to you, so. yes?" And that explanation seemed to suffice for most of them

Mitzi went in knowing NOTHING about what being non-binary was so she asked a l o t of questions about it, which Dook just kinda dealt with answering (he's heard most of it before, and it gets tiring after a while. if you're nb or trans or honestly any part of LGBTQ+ you know what I mean) but he thought it was really sweet of her to be so determined to learn about it and eventually she did get a grasp on it ish, so she was able to understand why it wasn't just ✨spicy male✨ (the conversation pretty much went "well if i was just male, don't you think I would label myself that way instead?" "....oH TRUE!!!") and she ended up a VERY passionate ally, and she'll ask occasionally about how to be better at it, bein a queen as she is 👉👉 also definitely started questioning her sexuality after a while and just went with "maybe bicurious" and Rolfe, Dook, and Earl were all like "ONE OF US, ONE OF US"

Earl has never once spoken about his sexuality in his life, because 1. He's very aware that's an awkward conversation to have with a puppet, and 2. He's aroace anyways, which is basically what people assume even if they don't realize it just for their own peace of mind, because seriously, puppets and any identity that ISN'T aroace creates a really uncomfortable mental image for... Most people, pretty much. So it's not like he ever needed to say anything about it, which is convenient for him because he wouldn't want to say anything either way. not worth the risk of embarrassing himself and making everyone feel awkward

(side note ish though Rolfe 100% came out to Earl first and was met with "I already knew that but okay." Rolfe was mildly offended)

And spEAKING OF EARL he's VERY much sentient but he can't say he's particularly enthusiastic about it because Rolfe has to carry him around everywhere

He can move on his own but it's limited and generally annoying to maneuver around with his tiny body so he just says screw it half the time and stays on Rolfe's arm or hitch a ride on Random Object, but like... Yeah, the majority of the time Rolfe just has to deal with only having one arm available and a puppet directly next to him making fun of him at every possible chance

They high-key have chaotic and unorganized college roommate vibes (like they're actually roommates because... Where tf is Earl supposed to go?? So Rolfe took him in) and idk if this is really like a part of my headcannons or if I just think it's funny so I keep entertaining the idea of it but I think it would be Fantastic if Rolfe had no idea how to cook but Earl somehow did so this idiot is trying to take instructions from a puppet, who can't physically show him what to do, and it's like Hell's Kitchen live featuring a furry and a sentient stuffed animal

Aaaaamd going off of my Rolfe and Earl headcannons still Rolfe for SURE has some sort of executive dysfunction issue. ADD or ADHD I'm not sure (probably ADHD) but he definitely has it also this totally isn't just me projecting how dare you accuse me of that

And!!! More about Dook!!!! I don't know how or why I thought up of this but I cannot possibly imagine him any other way now-- he's autistic and space is his Big Huge special interest, and if you ever ask him about it you have to be prepared to get infodumped or possibly even shown a PowerPoint presentation, because GOD he loves space!!! He wants everyone to know all about it!! He knows not everyone thinks it's as cool as he does so he tries to keep his mouth shut but when someone asks about it he can't help himself and will infodump a LOT, also haha drumming stims go brrrr, playing the drums isn't really a stim but he likes to just take his drumsticks and whack em around in the air and get that good ol Wavy Arm Action (wavy arms is best stim change my mind you can't it's GOOD)

Also i bbbbelieve earlier I reposted somethin about someone else headcannoning that he has echolalia, which I don't really know enough about to say anything on it?? But even if he doesn't have echolalia he'd probably repeat phrases over and over until he gets tired of them (which is,,, something I do lmao, it's either memes I get stuck in my head or things I've heard from various medias I like the inflections in (like one tiktokker I saw was talking about their tourettes and their vocal tics and one of them was "uh oh! How unfortunate!" and now I CAN'T STOP SAYING IT)) but like uhhh yeah :))) repeating phrases that get stuck in your head for various reasons for the win

This is already really long so I'm just gonna vibe out thanks for coming to my Ted talk feel free to ask questions I probably won't be able to answer a lot of em though because my headcannons are a Mess hehe >:)

#WOOOW GROMIT #rae #rockafire explosion #rock-a-fire explosion #i still don't know what tags y'all use #someone pls stop me from stealing peoples vocal tics i find on tiktok #like seriously #the one i mentioned as well as are stuck in my head #SIZZLE IT UP G R O M I T #he lp #lmaooo anyways yeah i love these characters im biased towards rolfe and earl tho they're my favorites

[dearoldtuxedo]

The Love Interest

In 2017, Taft Studios hired a new screenwriter for their popular, and long-running show, The Banana Splits. Her name was Sammie Satterlee, and ever since they recruited her on the staff, she impressed the audience with her diversed setting scenarios. 

Some new episodes took up morals that are rarely explored among children, and needed to be talked about more. The Sour Grape girls were given more personalities, rather than being reduced to cute, sassy dolls. She made Bingo and Drooper explicitly POC coded, so that minority children can see themselves in their favorite characters, even allowing some POC to guest star on the show. Bingo spoke Spanish occasionally, and Drooper celebrated Kwanzaa for a holiday themed episode. Stevie was also given a decent dose of character development.

Then, at that year, 2018, Sammie was ready to take on a new challenge: Introduce an LGBTQ+ character. Around this generation, a lot of children's media has been accepting of queer themes. The whole purpose was to help kids acknowledge that queer romance is just the same as the typical heterosexual romance. There is nothing inherently sexual about it.

Plus, Sammie happened to be queer herself. She grew up loving The Banana Splits throughout her childhood, and is still a fan to this day. She also grew up around a lot of homophobia at that time. Projecting sexualities/trans identities onto characters is a method of feeling more accepting, more valid. The same method queer kids on the internet use "headcanons" for. Queer children deserve representation. Sesame Street won't do it, so The Banana Splits might as well.

What better way to have one of the Bananas come out than giving them a male love interest? But, which Banana shall have a love interest? Fleegle seems too independent for a lover, regardless of what gender. Bingo prefers pranks and adventure over romance. And Snorky, even though as old as his fellow band mates, bears childlike innocence, so he's not ready for an adult love interest. The only option left was Drooper.

Yes, Drooper will work, she thought. The poor lion is considered the loser of the bunch. What if he had a sweet darling that would tell him how valid he is? Drooper's so clumsy, he's always falling down. Now, he needs someone to catch him and pick him back up on his feet. Sammie then started to sketch out her ideas.

That's when she conjured up Tux the snow leopard! Tux was short for Tucker, also defining his wardrobe, which was a tuxedo. The reason she chose a snow leopard was due to their majestic appearance, and she wanted Tux to come out as sort of a romantic gentleman. Also, because he should be a feline like Drooper. She drew out a reference concept of Tux, along with additional sketches of him and Drooper acting lovey-dovey with each other, and written a bio.

Tux was presented as a muscled man, a contrast opposite to Drooper's skinny frame. This snow leopard was purposely intended to be the hero to Drooper's damsel in distress. He sure is a handsome fella, but he's pretty dumb as well. That didn't matter. He's perfect for Drooper. Tux would be somewhat special to Drooper, like he understands him, he cherishes him, and he's willing to take a punch in the face for him.

After giving the references to Karl, and a bit of debate, the engineer decided to take a shot at it. Reading through Tux's biography, his personality and characteristics had quite interest Karl. This snow leopard certainly didn't possess the same energy as his other boys. Fleegle was the intellectual leader, Bingo was fun and energetic, Drooper was the butt of bad luck, and Snorky was the baby of the group. Tux was different. It would be quite complicated for a stoic machine to act out all these actions. Unless...

What if he gave this animatronic fully functional emotions? Karl always wanted to try something new. A robot with emotions would probably be his greatest achievement yet. No other engineer has dared to try it out. Not only will the idea be impressive, but his feelings would be very convincing.

After almost a month, Tux was completed. Although he matched his reference drawing perfectly, he appeared to be seven feet tall, instead of being two inches shorter than Drooper. Speaking of Drooper, not only were emotions installed into his databanks, but he was also programmed to fall in love with no one but said lion. 

Karl decided to showcase Tux to Sammie. He then activated the mechanical snow leopard. It took some time for Tux to get into motion, but as soon as he saw those humans in sight, he stepped back nervously. He touched around at himself for a moment, and scanned his surroundings. He was now alive, and he wasn't sure how he felt about this. The animatronic walked around the room, picking up items at random. He went back to Sammie and spoke for the first time.

"Hello. I'm... I'm..."

Karl answered for him.

"Tux." "I'm Tux. Pleasure to meet you. ...I think. Say, could you tell me where am I? What is going on? What is my objective?"

Just as Sammie could say anything, the Splits had entered the room. Tux turned his attention towards them by instinct. The very sight of Drooper had already triggered him into love mode. The feeling of seeing the lion was undescribable to him, but since it's in his programming, he knew how to act. He stared at the lion for awhile, then ran over to him. Tux took his paw into his.

"Hello. I am Tux. Pardon me if this sounds so sudden, but, I love you."

The animatronic kissed Drooper's hand, even though he just gapped his mouth open a bit and pressed it against the paw.

"Do you love me?"

Drooper was confused by this abrupt gesture, and had no opinion about it due to his lack of emotions. Still, he responded anyways.

"I love you too, Tux! I love all my friends!"

Tux was quite offended, having to be considered a "friend." Sammie decided to clear things up for the lion animatronic.

"Uh, Drooper, this is Tux. He is your new boyfriend. You know, like, a lover. As in you two are in love. Or at least, pretend to be, for the show."

A new boyfriend? Drooper doesn't remember agreeing to that. He just met the snow leopard, and all of a sudden, they're lovers? The lion isn't sure how he feels about that, especially since he doesn't return the snow leopard's attraction. Then again, Tux is a pretty nice guy. And it's not like they're forcing him to love him back. After all, she did say he could pretend for the show. Since the Splits aren't on the air right now, they might as well just be friends. Drooper shook his hand and greeted the new recruit.

"Very nice meetin' ya, Tux! I'm Drooper! This is Fleegle, Bingo, and Snorky! Welcome to The Banana Splits! Enjoy your stay, friend!"

He still deemed Tux as a "friend." That's not what Tux wanted. He didn't just come alive, fall in love instantly, only for it to turn out to be one-sided. Tux figured, he will get this lion to love him back, even if it kills him.

And so, for the last four days, Tux wasn't ready to be onscreen, so that gave him enough time to win Drooper's affection. The snow leopard had snuck into Rebecca's computer to find information on how to woo a person. Then he'd capture that info into his system.

Tux tried presenting Drooper with a flower (one of the props). He was flattered, took the flower, and patted Tux on the head. But walked away afterwards.

He tried serenading a romantic song, which was performed by the Splits in another era. 🎵I enjoy being a boy, in love with youuuuuuuuuu.🎶 Once again, Drooper was flattered, and applauded his performance, but still, walked away.  

Next, he tried the extreme. Tux grabbed Drooper, dipped him, and planted his mouth onto his, giving him a kiss. That only resulted in Drooper pushing him so hard, he knocks him down on his bum. 

No matter what technique he tried, his attempts all failed. And Drooper showed no signs of loving him back. Today was scheduled for Tux to make his physical appearance. But before he's ready to be on the show, he discussed his issue with Karl.

"My lover... ...doesn't love me. What have I done wrong?" 

Karl knew exactly what the problem was. It's not what Tux has done, but how Drooper feels. The lion animatronic was built to be emotionless, so it's impossible for him to accept a handsome man's gesture. Maybe Karl can fix that. 

"Settle down, my boy. You'll get what you want. I promise."

He then called Drooper over for a tune up. The only way for the two's feelings to be mutual is to install the lion with the same features programmed into Tux's databanks. The snow leopard held his hands together tightly. Soon, he and Drooper will be bond together at last. Together, forever. He'll have him close to him. They'll hold hands. The two will spend their entire lives as one until they rust. Karl then motioned that he had the notion of giving the other Splits emotions as well, so that they can embrace Tux like a family member. He wanted to make his greatest achievement feel at home.

“Yeah yeah sure. Now hurry up with the process!”

Suddenly, Rebecca entered the workshop, announcing that the whole "LGBTQ+ representation" project was officially canceled.

While the news of The Banana Splits having an LGBTQ+ character on their show received largely positive from the queer community, they've also gained negative, violent feedback from those who were against it. They were being accused of "attempting to encourage children into sexual acts," and called out for spreading "leftist SJW propaganda."

It gets much worse. Straight parents set up a campaign to boycott the show. Stevie threatened to quit because he refuses to work around a "cybernetic f@gg3t." And Andy, the network executive, blackmailed that he would pull the plug on their show if they let this "gay shit" slip onto TV. Sammie was fired, and the whole assignment was history.

Karl stopped what he was doing, leaving Tux confused.

"Aren't you gonna-" "I'm afraid there's no reason to anymore, my boy." "But, Karl- Drooper- You said I could have what I want! YOU PROMISED!" “I wish I could keep it, but I don't think I have a choice. I'm sorry." "I don't believe it. How could you be SO SELFISH?! HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT HOW I FEEL?! PLUG HIM BACK IN, RIGHT NOW!" “I can't-" "ALL I WANT IS MY KITTEN TO LOVE ME! DOESN'T ANYBODY CARE?!!"

The snow leopard threw a big tantrum. A single stomp on the ground made the floor shake. Then, he shoved items off of counters, and smashed stuff, while screaming at the top of his voice. He was absolutely terrifying at that moment. Tux turned to Rebecca, thinking it was all her fault. She tried to tell him to stand down, but he was too stubborn. He grabbed her by the neck, and pressed her against the wall. With Tux's back turned away, that gave Karl the opportunity to shut him down. Tux let go of Rebecca, and fell over unconscious.

Poor Tux. Maybe giving him emotions was a bad idea. As it turns out, he's not mature enough to know how to handle them, which makes him too unstabled. After that traumatized experience, Rebecca demanded that Karl should get rid of him this instant.

After she left, the three other aninatronics entered the workshop. Karl stared down at Tux for a minute. The snow leopard animatronic didn't mean to cause any harm. He's just a little faulty, with his ardent coding and all. Karl never worked out how he would have Tux cope with his emotions. The engineer couldn't bring himself to throwing out what he thought was gonna be his greatest achievement yet, so he asked his four to dispose of Tux for him. Karl then left the workshop to see if he could calm Rebecca down.

Four of the Splits gazed upon the now deactivated animatronic. They, including Drooper, felt a bit sorry for him. Why put him to waste? There's still some potential in him. The sad case just wanted, and needed, some love like they have had. A new Banana Splits member is still a member. Besides, he was much nicer to them than Stevie.

"What are we gonna do with him?"

So, rather than dragging his metal carcass to the dumpster, they all agreed to hide his body, behind a couple of boxes and bins in the corner. Perhaps he will make himself useful. Someday.

#The one who turned a banana cherry red [Tux] #Dear sweet kitten [Drooper] #Lover cats [Tux and Drooper] #Bleeding heart [Horrorverse] #Homophobia tw

[migleefulmoments]

I love that Abby criticises the bar for having Disney themed nights as if little kids are going to show up or something. It's still a bar that serves alcohol, children will never know that a bar which has burlesque nights also hosts Disney nights and when they are old enough to realise they probably won't care.

Oh Lord, I can’t with this argument that the bar has a personality disorder and that it is a big problem.  She always says 

ajw: “The personality disorder is precisely as you describe, you can’t claim D/isney and Br/aodway and then do some variety of “burlesque.”  It is one or the other, both do not work”. 

 NEWSFLASH...it’s an over 21 Bar in progressive CA...it’s not Cinderella’s Castle at Disney World catering to families with preschoolers dressed in princess dresses. 

I would say the bar has a very defined personality- it’s a fun piano bar for everyone but it is reaching out particularly to the LGBTQ+community to be a safe space for top-notch, fun theme-nights for the LGBTQ entertainment.  Every bar in the world is allowed to define who they want to be and then if it is interesting to customers, they will come. If it isn’t, they won’t and they will either amend their business model or go out of business.  It’s as simple as that. No bar can make everyone happy -nor should it strive to. But to be angry because it is bawdy and gay is really rich of Abby-and don’t get it twisted- she is pissed because it celebrates the LGBTQ community and it’s sexy.  The community is more sexually liberated than the average straight American as they aren’t beholden to the bullshit patriarchal rules of sex in America. They have less shame and guilt about their own sexual pleasure. The Christian message straight America mostly lives by “sex is bad but reproduction is good” is not something they concern themselves with because sex and reproduction are not related in same-sex couples. From my position on the outside of the community, I see joyous sex and pleasure without the guilt or limits and slut-shaming as long as both adults are consenting. Nobody is doing purity hyman checks in the LGBTQ community!  All of this raw sexuality and openly gay people expressing their sexuality makes Abby upset and anxious because she has hard and fast rules for relationships and sex.  The only gay couple she “knows” had sex by touching noses to toes and prefer holding hands. That makes gurlesque WAYYYYY too much for her little heart to hold and naked women on the walls? NO f’ing way. We cover ourselves in public.    

****My comments in italics & parenthesis******

Anonymous asked:

The bar makes me angrier than it should, I'll admit. Like if you want to be a sexy, cabaret lounge, more risque piano bar, then that is fine. Be that. I am not offended by nudity on the walls or even naked women on the bar. But then don't call it family friendly and start having Disney nights in the next breath. It's so bizarre. I'm all for having theme nights, but it needs to be in line with the establishment. Not this identity crisis this venue seems to have. It's so odd and unappealing to me.(Parroting back Abby’s words perfectly)

ajw: There are two issues with the bar, it has multiple personality disorder, utterly and completely and a lot of it is offensive.  (She finds female sexuality and LGBTQ sexuality “offensive” b/c she can’t understand they are taking back the words that men use to define us and belittle us as sluts and whores).  

The personality disorder is precisely as you describe, you can’t claim D/isney and Br/aodway and then do some variety of “burlesque.”  It is one or the other, both do not work. (Yes, yes you can.  If it’s your business you can do whatever the market will bear). 

No, I am not saying every pic of a naked woman is offensive, to each their own, not my taste, but I know many people do like this sort of thing.  But they have theme nights with offensive Names (d*ke night and corporate ladder/Corporate hoes), they use derogatory stereotypes (flannel shirt night), they have drink names that are misogynist (ones referring to large breasts, others calling women sluts), and the one picture i posted i think is body shamming as it is depicting 2 perfect women and telling us to achieve greatness. (Here her homophobia is on full blast. Straight women don’t get to decide what is offensive to lesbian women and since a lesbian woman hosts Open Dyke Night and Flannel shirt night, Abby needs to back off the generalizations about how offensive it is and admit that SHE”s offended by lesbians acting like lesbians.  She prefers them to blend in with straight women). 

And that doesn’t address the immature and childish touches that are plentiful. Or the rude bar staff. Or that there is an upcharge for ice.  Or that the AC has been broken for over a year. (Here we have Abby’s tendency to read something once- whether it is from a credible source is irrelavant0 and then turn it into a never-ending consistent thing. Rude bar staff? There are one or two fake Yelp reviews about rude bar staff and lots of comments on social media about how great the bar is as well as the staff gushing about working there. The AC was broken the first night. I have seen no credible proof that it continued but again, customers can choose to either go there or not go there knowing AC doesn’t work. You can’t vilify a bar you will never go to because they don’t have AC.   The upcharge for ice story isn’t very credible either and it was one Yelp review. I suspect the individual was a Darren fan who got a drink that was more expensive than they used to and they freaked out and wrote a nonsense reivew after being embarassed.) 

Anonymous asked:

What's the Cinderella thing

ajw: Just a joke about the sex club nonnie, contrasting D/isney night with the decor.

Anonymous asked:

You don't remember when Cinderella stripped down to pasties and a thong at the ball, but fled at midnight, leaving the prince to scour the land for the girl who fit her 8-inch platform stripper-heel shoe? Tbh, his trips to the bar don't bug me anymore. He only goes when there is a celeb or a vip who pays (the orig post of Sat's pics thanks a guy who is an Apple exec who, I am guessing, paid for D's "random" appearance that night). His "I'm there most nights I'm in LA" days are long gone.

ajw720 answered: Hahahaha!  Oh Nonnie I love you.  Now that i think about it, i recall that story well, if I remember correctly, before she stripped down, she was in silver sparkles, beads and feathers.  Now remind me, was she more of a gyrating with the beer tap on top of the bar kind of princess or one that simulates sex with an innocent teddy bear?

On D, you are right, at this point, he goes when there is a special guest.  He really has cut it down a ton, which considering he has an actual job makes sense.

Just discovered this trip to the bar, that featured ERW and a British music exec Rob D/ickins may just have been to promote a B/owie cover band featuring ERW that is going on tour. And guess who is another member of the band?  Ding Ding Ding, Platonic Roomie B/enny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (x). What a surprise!

flowersintheattic254

I love this type of coincidence @ajw720. You couldn’t make it up 😂.

Will M will be congratulating B publicly again on his success and will they use D’s SM so D can congratulate him personally. I’m eye rolling

notes-from-nowhere

She is so proud of her ma… oh, sorry, I got confused.

leka-1998

Gotta support his straight 🔥 music.

****************

Btw-Mia didn’t post this for Ben. It’s Ben’s own post but once again Mia is demonized for behavior she’s going to possibly maybe might do.

#crisscolfer lol #crisscolfer #darren criss #debunkimg cc lies #debunking cc nonsense #tsg #tramp stamp granny's #abby hates tsg

[thepatricktreestump]

pride month asks!

some questions and answers about my experience with LGBTQ+

1.       What do you identify as and what are your pronouns? 

I identify as bisexual and genderfluid, so my pronouns regularly change from she/her to he/him.

2.      How did you discover your sexuality, tell your story?

I have always been a huge ally to the LGBTQ+ community, but one day I was stepping out of the shower, and kind of thinking to myself what the difference between having sex with a guy and having sex with a girl was. After contemplation, I thought to myself that they really weren’t all that different to me, and I’d probably enjoy having sex with a girl just as much as having sex with a guy. I researched online a little bit, and I figured out that yeah, I’m probably bi. Especially after I fell in love with both Brendon Urie and his wife Sarah, I was pretty damn sure I was bi.

3.      Have you experienced being misgendered? What happened and how did you overcome it?

Sometimes I do, but it honestly doesn’t bother me too much because I come from a very conservative, religious, small town background. I grew up in a private Catholic school where everyone is Republican and nobody even knows what being gay is, much less a different gender. So I’m kind of used to putting up a façade for others. As I graduated and moved away from my hometown, things have been much better, and by politely correcting others, I’m able to be confident in who I am as well as educate the people around me.

4.      Who was the first person you told, how did they react?

Oh god, haha. I distinctly remember that night when I knew I was going to tell my best friend I was genderfluid. I was so nervous and scared, I just sort of blurted it out over text, in all caps, like “I’M GENDERFLUID” and then I kind of panicked, so I proceeded to send her about a hundred Hamilton gifs to cover up what I had typed out and sent. Although it was awkward in the moment, we both laugh about it to this day, and she’s been so accepting and kind to me ever since that moment.

5.      Describe what it was like coming out, what did you feel?

For my friends, it was a lot of anxiety and doubt. For my parents, fear and chaos. My friends didn’t understand, they thought it was a disease of some sort, and actually a lot of them stopped talking to me. Again, conservative religious background, but still, no excuse. I grew up in a very abusive household, and it wasn’t my choice to come out. My therapist had forced me to tell my parents in a session and it was an absolute mess. Coming out wasn’t the best experience, especially as a freshman in high school.

6.      If you’re out, how did your parents/guardians/friends react?

I kind of explained above, but basically not so well. My dad went absolutely off on me, and said some of the most horrible things I have ever been told in my life. He said that I was dragging everyone I knew towards hell, that what I was is unmoral, unnatural, and unnormal, acted like I was some sort of monster, said it was extremely difficult to even be related to me, and that I was corrupting his family and disrespecting his household. It was a miserable time for me, but through music, I was able to write a song about it that helped me cope.

7.      What is one question you hate people asking about your sexuality?

A lot of people assume that because I’m bisexual, I’m some sort of fetish they can use to fulfill their dirty fantasies. I’m always asked to be a part of a couple’s threesome. I am told that the only reason I’m bi is because I want double the opportunities to have sex. It’s ridiculous and disgusting. I’m bi because I like people. Not because I like sex.

8.     Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.

I really fucking love beanies! Most of the time I read that’s the essential clothing item for all genderfluid people, which makes me laugh, because it’s true. Combat boots or converse, black jeans, a band t-shirt, a sports bra or binder, a jean jacket, and a beanie is always my go-to outfit. So much so, to the point my sister told me that every time I go out in public I’m always wearing the same thing, which kind of makes me laugh.

9.      Who are your favourite lgbt+ ships?

I don’t know if you’ve ever read the magna, Tamen de Gushi, but I absolutely love it! That lesbian couple is everything! I also really love Shane Dawson and Ryland Adams, of course. Captain Holt from Brooklyn Nine Nine and his husband is amazing. Elijah Daniels and Sam also make me super fucking happy.

10.  What does makeup mean to you? Do you wear any?

Growing up as a theater kid, I’ve always seen makeup as accentuated and over the top. I only ever wore makeup on stage, and even then, it was special effects type stuff, zombies and clowns and shit. Once I hit puberty though, my mom would force me to wear makeup because she said it would make me beautiful. I hated it. She would force me to put on makeup before I left the door and it made me have horrible self image issues. As I grew older, I found a love for makeup through beauty gurus and drag queens, and I sometimes dabble in it either for fun or for special events like prom or fancy dinners. I always prefer no makeup though, I feel like to me, wearing it is just hiding behind a mask.

11.   Do you experience dysphoria? If so, how does that affect you?

ALL THE GODDAMN FUCKING TIME. Since I’ve gotten my haircut, a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Wearing a binder also helps so much! However, I still really want to start T and I think that will help a lot. Dysphoria affects me in so many ways, whether my self confidence or my body image, my anxiety and my mood, etc., a lot of it depends on how comfortable I am in my own skin.

12.  What is the stupidest thing you’ve heard said about the lgbt+ community?

Homophobic people are probably the stupidest people I’ve ever met in my life, to be honest. I’ve heard thousands of dumb things come from their mouths. I think the most outrageous myth I’ve heard is probably that being gay is a disease, and that simply being around another gay person will make you gay. Like who the fuck comes up with this shit? Smh.

13.  What’s your favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

How creative we are. We’re resilient and outspoken and passionate, but most of all, so talented. The queer community is full of inventors, politicians, emperors, artists, directors, actors, musicians, and more. It’s gorgeous just how much we are capable of.

14.  What’s your least favourite thing about the lgbt+ community?

The discrimination breaks my heart. The fact that we are terrified to so much as hold hands with the one we love in public. To be beaten, tortured, and killed simply for who we are. That is what hurts me the most.

15.  Have you ever been to your cities pride event? Why or why not?

No, I find it sort of ironic every time there is a pride event I happen to have a concert on that day. Once, a Panic! concert, which honestly is sort of the equivalent of Pride. We went and there were so many LGTBQ+ flags and people and it was so gorgeous. I have attended pride prom once though, and it was probably the most fun I had ever had in a really long time.

16.  Who is your favourite lgbt+ Icon/Advocate/Celebrity?

I absolutely adore Miles McKenna. He has helped me so much in finding myself and accepting who I am. He’s such a huge spokesperson for the community and I am so grateful to have him in my life.

17.   Have you been in a relationship and how did you meet?

I’ve been in several relationships, surprisingly, through parties and discussions and friends. My s.o. right now I met through high school, which was crazy in itself, but we’ve been dating for almost two years now and I love them to death.

18.  What is your favourite lgbt+ book?

Beautiful Music for Ugly Children is one of my favorite books ever and it’s about being FTM trans and I love it so much wow.

19.  Have you ever faced discrimination? What happened?

So very much. After coming out to one of my best friends, she stared at me, disgusted and went “well don’t try to have sex with me or anything” and then proceeded to never talk to me again. I’ve received dirty looks and glares, been misgendered on purpose, and even received death threats. It’s horrible.

20. Your Favorite lgbt+ movie or show?

I love American Horror Story so much because of just how much representation it gives our community and how natural they make it seem! And of course, “Love, Simon” was an amazing movie that made me cry like a baby.

21.  Who are some of your favourite lgbt+ bloggers?

I don’t really know about bloggers, but definitely Youtubers! Shane Dawson, Miles Chronicles, Thomas Sanders, Ally Hills, Anthony Amorim, Elijah Daniels, Elle Mills, Garrett Watts, Sam Collins, Todrick Hall, and Trevor Moran are a couple of my favorites.

22. Which lgbt+ slur do you want to reclaim?

I don’t think queer should be a slur. I think queer is a form of self expression and an umbrella term for the community, and I believe many other LGBTQ+ members agree. It’s a word that we take great pride in rather than shame or discrimination.

23. Have you ever gone to a gay bar, or a drag show, how was it?

No, but god I would love to.

24. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that mean to you?

For me, it’s simply just a part of who I am. Just like the weather, my gender simply changes and I adapt to it. It makes me comfortable in my own skin and proud of who I am. I wouldn’t change being genderfluid for the world.

25. Are you interested in having children? Why or why not?

I fucking hate the idea of pushing a human being out of my vagina, and I would probably want anything else in the entire world other than giving birth. Being pregnant for nine months sounds absolutely miserable and dysphoric, and I cannot even imagine going through labor. However, I would like to have kids, just simply through foster care or adoption, never like my own biological children. There are more than enough kids who need good homes who already exist and I’m more than happy to give it to them.

26. What identity advice would you give your younger self?

You aren’t alone and there are so many people just like you. Your parents do not own you and cannot tell you who you are supposed to be. You are you.

27.  What do you think of gender roles in relationships?

Gender roles are complete bullshit. Let a guy be a stay at home dad. Let a woman be the working one. Everyone should have responsibilities regardless of their gender. If there’s dirty dishes, do the fucking dishes, don’t wait for your spouse to get home to do them. It’s absolutely ridiculous, really. Just do your part in the relationship.

28. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?

It breaks my heart how much pain and suffering one has to go through just to be themselves, especially for women and trans people. It’s horrible.

29. What is something you wish people know about being lgbt+?

It’s natural! It’s comfortable! And it’s normal! Being oneself is just part of life, there’s no need to have shame or guilt about it. Respect someone the way you wish you would be accepted and loved.

30. Why are proud to be lgbt+?

We have worked so fucking hard to be recognized for who we are. There’s still so much we need to do though, and we aren’t ever going to stop until every single one of our siblings gain the love and respect they deserve.

#pride month #lgbtq+ #genderfluid #bisexual #genderfluidity #bisexuality #bi asks #genderfluid asks #pride asks #happy pride month

[theliterateape]

Before You Go All-in on Antifa, Try Becoming Antifra First

by Don Hall

The laughter at my expense was not the kind of guffawing that accompanies a sense of genial ribbing but of Biff Tannen cracking up at the awkward geekiness of George McFly.

"What do you think queer means, Don?"

"I always thought queer meant gay."

Laughter. "No. Queer means refusing to accept the binary in sex."

"Isn't that bisexual?"

Cackles. "No. Bisexual is having a sexual attraction to both biological sexes."

"Who the fuck decided that? Was there a memo sent out?"

The evolution of language is, taken as a long tail concept, natural. When the Miriam Webster Dictionary enters finna (contraction. DIALECT•US, verb. finna: going to; intending to. "I'm finna make a scene") one has to grudgingly accept the fact. It is both the codifying of slang as standard and the pushing the envelope of common dialect. It can get confusing but it is as normal as language itself.

The term fragile is very popular in 2021 but I'm not certain the people who use it as a political label have an understanding of what it means. The redefinition seems to be a synonym for defensive but that isn't even close to the original so it doesn't play. Considering how loaded the term has become politically, I'd suggest we take a look at the pre-DiAngelo meaning and embrace it some before we continue forcing the evolution.

Back to that handy tome of mutual agreement of terms, the dictionary has a few definitions of fragile:"easily broken or damaged", "flimsy or insubstantial; easily destroyed.", and "not strong or sturdy; delicate and vulnerable".

A nine year old boy is enticed to have penetrative sex with his fourteen year old babysitter one afternoon while his little sister watches Joe Namath as "C.C. Ryder" on the television a room away. 

This is either molestation or an uncomfortably early rite of passage. The argument can be made that a nine year old cannot give consent but that's not how I remember it. A more fragile person might see this experience as traumatic. He might internalize shame and let the shame fester until he finally explodes like a liter of Diet Coke and a Mento tab. An anti fragile person might see it as no different than playing in the streets when the sewers back up the neighborhood becomes a river in the rain. No stigma, no shame, no harm.

The anti fragile adult is going to have a happier life if not the attention lauded upon a fragile victim of circumstances beyond his control.

I was a latchkey kid.

We lived in an apartment complex on the less than affluent side of town. Mom worked several jobs and the step-dad at the time was a preening, disco-dancing domestic abuser. As such, I found myself out and about without a lot of safety nets in place. I played in a septic ditch just on the outer parameter of the complex. On the other side was an abandoned housing development and I frequently went over there alone to practice my karate (which I thought I was learning from watching David Carradine in Kung Fu, a popular episodic featuring a white man posing as an Asian man who saved people with his peaceful but forceful side kicks). I’d kick holes in the drywall pretending it was comprised of bad guys.

On the north side was, in my mind, a forest but in reality was just a bunch of trees in several abandoned lots. Whenever I ran away from home (a feat that usually lasted until I was tired or hungry) I would go to my forest and “read” the tattered copies of Playboy and Penthouse I had stolen from the aforementioned step-parent.

To the south was a playground for the kids in the complex. A rickety swing set, a teeter-totter, and a broken merry-go-round surrounded by garbage dumpsters. A cursory examination of the dumpsters—a routine activity for a vagabond third grader—revealed a coterie of used hypodermic needles, marijuana roaches, empty liquor bottles and fast food trash.

It’s likely that parents reading this have already crossed themselves or knocked on wood in deference to the fact that their children would never be put in these positions. That their children are safe.

One day, as I had exhausted myself from kicking holes into drywall villains, I headed to the playground. There was no one else around and I decided that I wanted to swing but not on the actual rubber strap. I unhooked the strap from the hefty S-hook it hung from and grabbed it like Tarzan on a vine. I started to swing around in circles holding as tightly as I could to the chain.

Slowly, I began to slide down until the S-hook punctured my white jeans and then into my scrotum. I felt some discomfort and looked down and saw blood on my crotch but I couldn’t disengage. I was hooked, by my ballsack, to the chain. I panicked and did my best to scramble up the chain but the S-hook was firmly in there and the chain just followed me up.

I screamed for help. No help arrived. I struggled and the blood started running down my left pant leg, flowering out like a Rorschach. It seemed I was hanging there for hours but the reality was more likely a few minutes until the hook, now greased with blood, slid out of my nuts and I fell to the dirt. 

Leaping up, I dropped trou on the spot to inspect the damage but there was so much blood that I couldn’t see what was actually a small leaking hole. I cried. I squalled. With my pants around my knees, I ran home.

I smashed into the front door screaming bloody murder that my balls were bleeding. My mother, shocked by the sight of her 9-year-old kid, reddened pants around his knees, crotch covered in blood, and in high hysteria (I mean, who make among us wouldn’t be?), laughed out loud. A giggle turned into a laugh transforming to a barking guffaw.

The more dramatic I was about it, the harder she laughed. Out of shock, out of horror, out of knowing how melodramatic her son was prone to be. She giggled as she washed my junk off and saw the tiny hole. She giggled episodically as she put an ice pack on it and tossed me in the car to go to the emergency room. She stopped laughing by the time we reached the hospital and I received two stitches on the underside of my underside.

A more fragile person might grow up with this experience in desperate need to pay someone to listen to his trauma.

"My mother laughed at my bleeding scrotum!" he'd wail as the therapist did her best to stifle her own laughter. He might write a book much later after his antidepressants and struggle session with his mother commenced entitled "Men and The Mothers Who Giggled at Their Nuts" and an article in The Atlantic "Incels and Their Reasons."

An anti fragile person might see this as pretty fucking funny.

In 1992, I was mugged just outside the Granville Redline stop in Chicago. It was around 2:30 a.m. on a Saturday morning. I had just played a gig on the Southside with a big band known as The Outcasts and, still in my tuxedo, decided to walk the block to an all-night diner for some breakfast when three young black men hit me with a two-by-four and then proceeded to kick the shit out of me on the sidewalk.

They stole $14.00 in cash and a check for $200.00 from the gig.

Bruised but not broken, when I told the police that I was mugged by three young black guys and what were the chances I'd get my money back, they laughed. Not like Biff Tannen but more along the lines of Denzel in Training Day to a naive Ethan.

Later, when I met with Gil, the drummer and band leader, to have him cut me another check, Gil muttered as he canceled the first "N****rs are the fucking worst." It would have been cause for some sort of reckoning except that Gil was black.

A fragile mind might find himself going over and over the incident, blaming himself, blaming black men everywhere, blaming the cops. 

An anti fragile mind understands that shit happens and you can't dwell too much on it because that means you're spending a lot of time thinking about shit.

The more time one spends dwelling on shit, the worse the place smells. It's like living with five cats. At some point, you have no idea that your apartment stinks like cat asshole but your Tinder date sure does.

Commonsense Media has polled some info out and it seems that the kids are wallowing in catshit.

23% of 14- to 17-year-olds say they "often" came across racist comments on social media in 2020 — nearly double the number in 2018 (12%).

"Sadly, but not surprisingly, the teens and young adults who are most likely to be affected by such content are also most likely to encounter it — or recognize and remember it," says the study, which was done in partnership with Hopelab and the California Health Care Foundation.

Black young people are more likely than whites to see racist comments "often" (34% vs 23%). LGBTQ+ youth are more than twice as likely than non-LGBTQ+ youth to encounter homophobic comments (44% vs 18%). Females are more likely to encounter sexist and body shaming posts than males.

On top of all this feline fecal material, it turns out that both actual mental health issues as well as the frequently self-diagnosed PTSD cases are dramatically on the rise. Where, in my formative years, comparisons of how many push-ups one could do was common, today's kids compare anti-depressant cocktails.

Under almost any definition, this is the behavior of fragility. Fragile like a Fabergé Egg in the back of a pickup truck on a dirt road going 75 miles an hour.

Surrounded by catshit, constantly seeing the injury you're looking for and thus finding it everywhere, always feeling aggrieved and victimized. What the fuck can you do except feel like you need to be bathed in Bactine just to survive life's never-ending abrasions?

First, decide what's more important than your feels. 

Most people let their every waking moment be dictated by feelings—both theirs and everyone else's. This is a one-way path to thinner skin, gentler sacks, and a general inability to live in a world outside of an echo chamber that has been hermetically sealed.

Becoming anti fragile is the process of understanding that there are a lot of things more important than your feelings. Romulans are fragile; Vulcans are not. This isn’t to say you shouldn’t have the feels—just don’t let them make your decisions for you. It might feel great to scream at the obnoxious woman at the Walgreen’s counter but it’s smarter to mind your business and buy your condoms and Zagnut bar while shutting the fuck up.

Second, get better at feeling bad and keeping it to yourself.

Just like most people allow their lives to be led by the nose by their feelings, most people think they are somehow important. They aren’t. You aren’t. The way skin thickens up is by taking some hits and learning that there are far worse things than being insulted, micro-aggressed, or shamed publicly. Grow a sack and a sense of proportion.

Finally, as the Stoics go, assume you have something to learn in every interaction rather than you have something to teach. I mean, who the fuck are you? To most people, you aren’t anyone of note so suck on the bitter teat of humility and join the throng, kiddo.

As Jalāl ad-Dīn Mohammad Rūmī once wrote "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise so I am changing myself."

Be wise because clever people write for McSwenis and those assholes suck.

#fragility

[frank-iero-feminism]

hi!! you can just call me frankie (bc of the blog theme), and i’m here because i wanted a place to share feminism to a bunch of people!!

i’m gonna start off with some info about me, and then i’ll get into my views.

ABOUT ME:

i’m 14, my pronouns are she/her (i’m a cis female), and i live in the U.S.!

my favorite band is mcr (as you can tell by the theme lol)

this is a side blog, and my main has a similar theme, but i also have a different aesthetic one that’s private.

MY VIEWS: (please read before you judge!!)

i’m more radfem leaning, HOWEVER i try to be as understanding as i can to people like sex workers and trans people!! i try to be the least transphobic that i can be, and i have a lot of compassion for trans people. for this reason, i am not a terf and i try my hardest not to be considered one.

i’m critical of porn and femininity because of its harm of women (sometimes gay men too, for the former). i am NOT against sex workers. it’s like how i’m against amazon because of bezos (more on that later), but i have nothing against amazon workers and even the people who chose to pursue a career working for amazon for enjoyment.

i am totally supportive of lgbtq people, but one thing that i have noticed is that trans people and kids are pushed to transition, and i have an issue with that. i have no issues with people who want to live as the gender they identify as, but i feel like medical transition is pushed as a necessary thing when they might have underlying issues such as body dysmorphia and depression that can be fixed without any risk of medical malpractice. i also think that certain conservative people see being transgender as a way to “convert” lgbq people into becoming straight. i will also call out trans abusers and problematic people just like anybody else, but i do not believe that all trans people are problematic. i feel a lot of compassion towards trans people, and i want them to live their best lives. please do not take any of this as hatred towards trans people or a wish to hurt them. i’m not sure if i worded this in the correct way but i hope you can understand that i mean no harm.

i am kink critical, since i believe most kinks are harmful (choking, d/d/l/g, etc). im also 14, so i don’t want to get into that, and i won’t be open for discussion about this as it is sexual in nature.

i am very feminist. that’s obviously the point of this blog, but i feel like i haven’t really addressed it at all.

there are a few things that i don’t understand (like calling women and trans men “people with vaginas” because that sounds like it would make them more dysphoric) but i don’t want to seem like i’m asking these things out of a place of hatred. i’m just curious!

please don’t use my posts to spew hatred of any sort (such as radfems using my posts to complain about trans people when that wasn’t the original intent).

i am very open to discussion, but i don’t want to get in a fight. i will respect your views as long as they don’t disrespect the rights of someone else. (i don’t have anything against radfems who are nice, btw)

i hope i worded this correctly, and i hope this is informative!! thanks for reading ^_^

#this still applies it’s just really long #that’s why i’m unpinning it

[taylorwritesnonstop-blog]

Playlist Snapshot - 20 Songs that I Can’t Stop Listening To

People often ask the question: what sort of music do you listen to? In no particular order, some songs I’m really been jamming to lately:

#1- Glass Animals, “Season 2, Episode 3″

David Bayley often refers to his songs as “characters”. This song tells the story of a homebody who spends too much time on the couch, “Leftover breakfast, cereal for lunch; she’s broken but she’s fun; My girl eats mayonnaise; From a jar when she’s gettin blazed”. Bayley says he likes that people come away with different interpretations to his work, stating, “each person’s interpretation is 100% important. It’s much more interesting for everyone that way.”

#2- Cardi B, “I Like It”

I love the latin flavor of this song, and the memories it beings back as I heard it played around the world. Bad Bunny and J Balvin’s rap verses are a great example of how to lay it down in Spanish.

#3 - The Hollies, “We’re Through”

This minor, 4-part-harmony jam is straight from 1964. I was introduced to it through The Umbrella Academy; it really captures the energy of my favorite character, Klaus, played by may favorite actor at the moment, Robert Sheehan.

#4 - Original Broadway Cast of Hamilton, “Nonstop”

This snuck its way in again. Maybe it’s because it gives me motivation to meet my deadlines. 51 essays in 6 months? I take that as a challenge. 

#5 - The Wombats, “I Only Wear Black”

I listened to this album by the Wombats (Beautiful People Will Ruin Your Life) all the time during my commute and in the office at my internship last semester. The pop punk and upbeat vibe is true to the artists' sound but for me it represents a natural evolution of their style and is the best they have sounded; I don't believe there is a bad song on the album. This is the one that seemed to run through my head the most and I love the contrast of the sing-songy and kind of delicate vocals with the lyrics.

#5 - Arturo Márquez, “Danzón No. 2″

Over the years, I have played this piece several times, in both band and orchestra. I love the many moods of this song- sultry, bombastic, tender, playful, intense, and unmistakably Latin. No matter how many times I listen to or play this piece, it never loses its energy or brilliance for me. Gustavo Dudamel really loves this one and to be honest the Orquesta Sinfónica Simón Bolívar performance is one of the best.

#6 - St. Vincent, “Los Ageless”

I had a hard time deciding on one track from this St. Vincent album (Masseduction) but this one was the winner. I love the wordplay in the lyrics and the cynical perspective. I also love how it was used for the Season 5 premiere of BoJack Horseman; I think it perfectly encapsulates the theme of celebrity.

#7 - Panic! At The Disco, “Say Amen (Saturday Night)”

I love pretty much all of Panic at the Disco's discography as they have moved through their many phases. I really just love how this song showcases Brendon Urie's exceptional vocals with a big band, really allowing him to be very theatrical. while also showcasing the wild talent of his brass and wind players.  You can tell Brendon is straight off of Broadway. I also love to sing along to this one, and the Bari Sax part is so great, “Yeah, there's a couple fracks, but we got it. That's the shit, that's the shit, and, man, I saw you fuckin' lift that sax up towards the microphone and I fell in love! K, alright, one more time, here we go”.

#8 - Leon Bridges, “Pony”

Undoubtedly the best cover of the Ginuwine R&B classic. Leon Bridges can keep blessing us with his music as long as he likes.

#9 - Lana Del Rey, “West Coast”

Lana Del Rey is the queen of sad girl pop. I love this dreamy track which evokes vibes of a Manson Era California cool. 

#10 - Childish Gambino, “Summertime Magic”

Childish Gambino (Donald Glover) never fails to stun. I love the sound of the steel drums with the booming bass and leaning synths. Gauva Island has me dreaming of the Caribbean sun.

#11 - BTS, “Idol”

I guess I am having a bit of a K-Pop moment? I can’t fully call myself an “Army”, but I can’t stop replaying this banger. Nothing really compares to the polished swagger of a Korean boy band. 

#12 - Jimi Hendrix, “Have You Ever Been (To Electric Ladyland)”

Jimmi Hendrix’s impeccable guitar work and gentle voice both sooth and rock in this classic number.  Hendrix’s raw talent evokes the joyous abandon of late-60′s free-love and psychedelia. 

#13 - Beyoncé, “Formation”

Many thanks to Queen Bey for releasing Lemonade on Spotify. I can’t stop thinking about Homecoming either. Honestly I’m just glad I’m alive at the same time as Beyoncé. 

#14 - Ariana Grande, “needy”

Yeah, everybody loves the irresistible “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored”, and has heard the unavoidable “7 rings”. However, “needy” is an overlooked gem on Ari’s latest hit packed album thank u, next. Ariana’s vocals always slay me, but this particular confessional is a masterclass in female pop vocal production. 

#15 -Watsky, “No Complaints No Conversation”

Watsky’s rapid-fire, slightly-lisped witticisms find an effortless groove over arpeggiated synths which connotative retro video games. He also expands his vocal reach, sounding quite good, and he doesn’t overdo the autotune for which I am grateful.

#16 - The Weeknd “Pray For Me (with Kendrick Lamar)

Still not over it-Black Panther was great on so many levels, and the soundtrack is just another aspect of a killer production. African American Rap superhero Kendrick Lamar’s songwriting influence is woven throughout the album. The Weeknd always brings it on vocals and I love the verse where everything else drops out so his voice can really shine. 

#17- Jonas Brothers, “Sucker”

Ok, how can anyone resist this one? I remember the days when the Jonas Brothers were hot shit, and to be honest, I don’t think they are over. The music video is also very cute and well shot, featuring the three brothers’ significant others.

#18 - Beach House, “Space Song”

This song aurally conveys the sensation of floating. This song brings me back to Razzmatazz when I saw Beach House perform live in Barcelona. Victoria Legrand has such a unique voice and I love the keyboard work.

#19 - RuPaul, “Call Me Mother”

RuPaul is incomparable. Love this campy, club-kid tribute to Ru’s legendary status as an LGBTQ+ icon: “queen, Shade machine, Gets the [?]; Best believe; Mother Ru”. She slays the complicated rhythms and brings joyful charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent to every listener’s ear.  

#20 - Gregory Alan Isakov with the Colorado Symphony, “Amsterdam”

I love this mix of classical with Gregory Alan Isakov’s singer songwriter vibes. I have also had the chance to perform with the Colorado Symphony, and I am familiar with the horn section, which is featured prominently with a soaring 4 part choir. In the final verse, I love how the whole orchestra crescendos and drops down to just vibes. 

#glass animals #cardi b #the hollies #the wombats #gustavo dudamel #st vincent #bojack horseman #panic! at the disco #leon bridges #lana del rey #childish gambino #guava island #bts #army #jimi hendrix #beyonce #lemonade #homecoming #ariana grande #watsky #the weeknd #kendrick lamar #black panther #jonas brothers #sophie turner #beach house #rupaul's drag race #rpdr #gregory alan isakov #music

[yumiichu-blog]

Sup b tis me ^ω^ and I have noticed you and I want you to answer every question. Enjoy!

oh gosh okay, thank you ;;

this gon be a long post  

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

when i was younger i used to listen to I Would Do Anything for You by Foster the People so that. 

2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

i was too young to remember her but we used to have a pet German Shepherd called Candy

3.) have you ever been drunk?

i wish.

4.) have you ever tried drugs?

nope

5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?

almost all the time

6.) have you ever made someone cry?

i hope not but probably.

7.) has someone ever made you cry?

yes. quite a lot of people, a lot of times.

8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. 

no i haven’t been in proper love. i’ve had crushes but they were just desperation.

9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?

i reckon the egg

10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

i indeed am and of course i do

11.) how many siblings do you have?

1

12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

nope.

13.) are you a good cook?

i don’t even know how to cook..

14.) what is your favorite tv show?

i’d say House M.D but Freaks and Geeks i also really like

15.) what is the last movie you cried during?

i have a terrible memory but i think The Danish Girl???? i dunno

16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

-How to Build a Girl by The Football Club

-Footscray Station by Camp Cope

17.) do you have a middle name?

nope

18.) have you been out of your country?

nope but i really want to 

19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?

i have short periods where i live off chocolate

20.) how many people have you kissed?

0.

21.) what is your favorite album?

currently More Scared Of You Than You Are Of Me by The Smith Street Band

22.) what is your dream car?

ummm probably a Nissan Skyline??? i dunno. i don’t know much about cars and i think the old ones look nice

23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?

it used to be the number 3 but now i don’t have one

24.) what is your favorite flower?

peony 

25.) books or movies, why?

movies because i can’t sit and focus on a book. i mean i can’t focus on movies but at least i have something to look at

26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

nope. never been on a date.

27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?

yep. so many “friends” have.

28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

i really hope not.

29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?

i dunno..

30.) do you have neat handwriting? 

heck no, it’s so messy

31.) do you have a friend with benefits?

nope.

32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

never. a relationship like that doesn’t sound all that nice tbh.

33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

a cat. no responsibility and you’re loved 

34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

no, but sometimes i wish i was.

35.) have you ever met someone famous?

nah

36.) how many concerts have you been to?

none

37.) which concerts have you been to?

still none

38.) do you have a hidden talent?

not that i know of

39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?

cry and watch youtube videos

40.) do you think money can buy love?

no and if it can then that can’t be real love

41.) how old would you date?

the oldest i’d date would be 5 years older than me. no older than that

42.) have you ever done something illegal?

probably

43.) what is your biggest fear?

being alone.

44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

i have a fear of edges. a good example is if i’m in bed i stay away from the edge because, i’m not really sure why, i’m afraid a hand will come up and grab me? and pull me? not sure how it started since i’ve never had that done to me or watched anything with that or similar happen in it

45.) can you drive?

not yet, hopefully next year

46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

depends on the creature

47.) do you believe in karma?

nope

48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

i’m not sure. i sort of just subconsciously look for specific qualities in people

49.) do looks matter?

i’d say that don’t

50.) does size matter?

i don’t reckon it does..

51.) who is the last person you forgave?

my best friend

52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla, i’m generic and boring .-.

53.) what languages can you speak besides english? 

i can partially speak Japanese. i’m still learning so i can’t say a whole lot yet

54.) ever been on a plane?

nope

55.) ever been on a boat?

yes, when i was very very lil  

56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? 

nope. everyone i no longer speak to i cut out of my life because they were awful people.

57.) are there any friendships you regret?

OHHHHHHHH YES. EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. EXCEPT MY BEST FRIEND. P.S LUV YOU

58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

yep but i’m too afraid to reach out to them/ask to be introduced to them..

59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

several times. longest i think was 36 hours and i went to school after being awake for 36 hours straight. very sleepy day

60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

nope

61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

one day i might

62.) are you scared of rollercoasters? 

sorta

63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

100,000/10

64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

other then sit on my butt, no

65.) do you miss anyone right now?

thankfully no.

66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

no one cause i’m already talking to her :3

67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

invisibility cause i like sneaking around 

68.) who is your favorite superhero?

deadpool, he a cool guy

69.) are you dirty minded?

*releases massive sigh* yes.......

70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

i don’t have one favourite song but the first song that came to mind was Antmusic by Adam and the Ants

71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?

don’t want kids

72.) who is your biggest OTP?

i can’t remember but i used to have one

73.) what is your favorite food?

lasagna

74.) do you want to be married one day?

yeah. it’d be nice. wedding dresses are so pretty and i’d love to go look and pick one

75.) dogs or cats?

cats, they’re wonderful

76.) do you drink enough water daily?

i should but i don’t

77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?

only the memes

78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

no that sounds cold and lonely and scary

79.) how many best friends do you have?

one. she’s also my only friend soooo

80.) when was the last time you cried?

yesterday

81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

yep. T_T

82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

no and it’s staying that way. no peeing pants here

83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Japan and Norway and possibly Canada

84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

trash, soft and sad.

85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?

yeah, i try my best to be loyal

86.) what is your favorite season and why?

winter because i love the cold. i also can’t handle the heat and get frequent heat rashes..

87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

never and never will

88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

no. i’m interested in guitar and drums but i don’t think i’ll ever learn either

89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?

yes. just so long as there is something i can listen to it’s good

90.) what are you allergic to?

penicillin and nurofen. not sure if there is anything else

91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

many a time

92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

no i don’t think i would

93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?

Ryan Reynolds, he just seems like a really fun guy to hang around 

94.) are you outgoing?

the complete opposite

95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

yeah but there was never any chance of me kissing them so it wasn’t because i wasn’t brave enough.

96.) are you a good flirt?

i don’t think so

97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

yes, 4 times, all last year. and yes, twice, they both stopped talking to me after i said no. :)

98.) which planet is your favorite?

i don’t really know much about planets :

99.) are you superstitious?

nope

100.) are you a good listener? 

yeah

101.) are you a good kisser

i wouldn’t know

102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

probably, only if it wouldn’t be weird between us

[demitgibbs]

Michael Bublé Talks Eggplant Emojis, ‘Sexist’ Christmas Cover

“You’re my first. Be gentle with me. Can we start with, like, a foreplay thing where you can just take it easy on me? Some gentle licking perhaps, and then we’ll get into the heavy stuff.” And so my interview with Michael Bublé, who has almost made me forget he has a wife, Argentine actress Luisana Lopilato, begins.

Returning to music with a new heart-emoji-titled album called love that he will support on a world tour in 2019, Bublé – who introduces himself by that mononym when he rings me directly – spoke openly on a variety of topics, including the difficulties of being a public figure amid familial distress, atoning for his “sexist” Christmas song and doing his part to support the LGBTQ community.

It’s sweet that this album uses the heart emoji for its title, though the gay community certainly wouldn’t have argued with you naming your album using the eggplant emoji.

Oh god, I wanted to use the eggplant. You have no idea.

You fought for that.

I did. I had long conversations about it. And you think I’m joking. I’ve already said this a million times when talking to my friends: They were like, (in a deeply bro voice) “Why didn’t you use the eggplant?” and I’m like, “Oh, I would have.”

Did you intend for the album to be a Band-Aid for our divisive times?

Yeah, it’s funny that you just said that: I’ve actually said that in private. You know what, man, obviously everything I’ve gone through has everything to do with this record and what I want to put out to the world. I had different names that I’d come up with, but there was nothing that really explained the record and the concept as well as just one word could.

The record is about love, but it’s not simply about romantic love. It was really a record that was kind of my theory on this word, this emotion that has so much range. When you hear it you think, “Oh god, romantic and lovey-smovey,” but there’s so many different things that happen with that word.

“When I Fall in Love” is such a beautiful track and people say, “Oh, it’s so romantic.” It is romantic. But for me, it’s really sad. As I put myself into the character of that song, I thought about a guy sitting at the bar at 4 o’clock in the morning, drunk, looking over at another couple, wishing that he had that because it hasn’t happened for him. It’s very unique in that way. It’s a very sad song about longing. I could go on through the whole tracklist. They all have a story for me.

Did you personalize any of the songs?

I wanted to do the best I could to be as personal and honest in the storytelling, in becoming the characters for the song, but at the same time give the audience a way to be able to hear and have their own opinions.

If I want to use this album to get a guy to fall in love with me, which song do you suggest I play to make him swoon?

Honestly, I think “La Vie En Rose” (a duet with jazz vocalist Cecile McLorin Salvant) is incredible because when I did this song my concept was to build a mirror of the relationship I had with my wife. It was me going to this foreign land with someone who didn’t speak my language and having this kind of dance of love with them.

I felt like there were these two characters and one is singing to the other, where I was singing to her in my language and my culture and she was answering in hers. Though we were on this path together, we were still apart; and by the middle of the song we have this beautiful dance together, this incredible night, and by the morning we were walking through the streets of Paris. I have sort of assimilated to her culture and I am singing in her language, and I loved that because that’s exactly what happened in my life.

I don’t think you thought you’d be recording music again after your 5-year-old son, Noah, was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2016, days after our last conversation. But I’ve heard you say he’s holding up and is in remission. Was creating this album more cathartic than past albums?

I don’t think I ever fell out of love with making music or being a creative person; I just think I knew it had to be put aside. The part of being a public person, that part I didn’t know if I was ready for. There are always reminders every time you go out and people speak and you’re trying to move on with your life or yourself and your family. At first, there were always these reminders of it and so it was hard to just move on.

I made a promise to myself that it would be organic and that it would be joy and it would be blissful – and if it ever becomes what I consider work, or egotistically driven, then I would step away. But I never fell out of love with making music. You know, I’m having to leave the family and stuff for little bits, and if I do then it has to be for the right reasons.

Harder than usual to leave the family right now?

No, it’s not. When I do something, I know that there’s a great reason for it. We can make more money and we can make more music and we can make more this and more that, but it’s time – you can’t make time. I wanna make sure I’m spending time doing what I love and that it’s all worthwhile.

You talked about being an LGBTQ ally in our last interview. Why did you decide to express your compassion and advocacy for the LGBTQ community at that moment in your career?

I don’t know if it was about that moment. I think I had an opportunity to speak with you, and I felt like it was a really good chance to say how I felt. Now more than ever I think it’s important for me to just be honest, and it’s what I believe. It’s part of who I fundamentally am, how I was raised. And it’s about equality. It’s simple. That’s it.

I wish it were so simple. When we last spoke, Trump hadn’t been elected, and a lot has changed in the last couple of years politically. How are you feeling about the way this administration has treated the LGBTQ community and other marginalized groups?

I don’t… (pause)… it sounds crazy, but after what I’ve been through, I really promised myself that I would try not to get into – and when I say “get into,” I just didn’t want to be a part of negative things. So I stopped reading things. I stopped reading things about myself. I stopped reading things that made me feel badly.

I really, truly feel like more than ever in my life actions speak much louder than words do and how you treat people is – it’s funny, a friend heard me talking to my son. My son was going to his first day of kindergarten and he saw me kneel down to my boy and I said to him, “Noah, I just want you to know that” – and it sounds like a cliché, but I said, “You treat people the way you want to be treated, kid.” I said, “If you’re kind to people and you’re good to people, life will always be OK for you.” And I got up and I walked away and my friend said to me, “They may not remember what you did or what you said but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”

I can’t stop the politicians or stupid, uneducated people from thinking and saying and doing stupid things, but I can make a stand, I can talk to you, and when I’m with groups of friends or I’m in public places or when I’m with people who I think can use that sense of love and education, I can open my mouth and tell them how I feel. And one at a time, you can change the world like that.

Listen, I’ve gone through too much not to feel this way. I just feel this way really strongly. I also think it’s important – it’s really easy for someone selling something, an artist, to say that they support or love the gay community; I just think it’s a different thing to say it than to do it.

When we spoke in 2016, you told me you had plans to get involved with the Harvey Milk High School in New York City, but then, of course, you had to tend to your family. Do you plan on picking up where you left off?

As a matter of fact, (my publicist) Liz (Rosenberg) and I have spoken many times and talked about the plan that we have. We have a plan (that involves) the Hetrick-Martin Institute (a NYC-based professional provider of social support and programming for LGBTQ youth and host agency for the Harvey Milk High School).

To start, I just wanted to go. I wanted to go and just let people know they had my support. Young kids who have been bullied and haven’t felt comfortable have a place to go, which is just disturbing in the first place, that in 2018 they didn’t. There wasn’t an environment where they felt they could be who they are. Listen, I can’t get into the details. I can’t.

You can’t get into details about the project?

Not those details, but within my family there are things that I can’t really speak to that have made this even more pressing for me. It’s because it’s not my story to tell. But I’ll just say that within my family these are the same issues that every family has. I wouldn’t and I couldn’t talk about something so personal. Definitely, I just know there needs to be advocates. Being a public person is having a responsibility sometimes to show that kind of love and that kind of support and to step out there and to do that. It’s not an edgy fucking thing to do. It’s not.

For some public figures it seems so.

Why? Because what – half of the audience doesn’t buy your records anymore? Well, that’s fucking stupid, isn’t it? Then you gotta ask yourself if you want half of those people buying your records in the first place, and what’s really important to you. Because if you’re gonna tell people that you know what’s important or that you’ve had an epiphany in your life that you know what matters then, again, actions speak louder than words, don’t they?

Knowing what Noah has gone through, has the feeling of loving your kids no matter who they are, which we discussed in 2016, intensified in the last couple of years?

No, it was always the same. I could tell you the truth: I never had to find that perspective, I always felt that way. And I think I’m very lucky because I really do think that came from the way I was parented. I really do think I was very lucky to be raised in a family that was so open and liberal and loving. I just think they were always so unconditionally loving – not just toward us children, but toward our family.

Again, clichés, but I just tell both of my boys now that they’re old enough to understand: “You know, boys, the things that make you different are what makes you special.” What’s amazing to me about that school and wanting so badly to go to that school is, I just feel so strongly that the difference between a child and an adult is only life experience. An adult’s life experience is, “It’s gonna get better. This isn’t how it has to be, and this isn’t how it’s going to be.” So for me, it’s really massive to be able to meet kids and to say publicly – really: “It’s not always going to be like this.”

In light of the holidays, you do realize your gay fans would’ve gone wild for a version of “Santa Baby” by you that was actually called “Santa Baby,” right?

(Laughs) Yeah, exactly. Instead of “Santa Buddy.” I think I used “Santa Baby” in one of the lines.

You did.

I should’ve gone full.

I mean, a straight man can shop at Tiffany’s.

(Laughs) Yeah, no, you’re right. It’s funny: When I did that song, I tried to put it into my perspective and modernize it. I changed words; I asked for a Rolex or Mercedes or things I would want. The best part about it is: I get to sing those kinds of songs now in my life, and if I do concerts and I wanna add a Christmas song, then you know what? I can amend it and I can sing “Santa Baby.”

A straight guy singing “Santa Baby” is the progress we need.

F*ck yeah. You’re right, you’re absolutely right. It was sexist of me not to.

I’m looking forward to your live rendition of it.

I’ll do it for you. That’s a promise. I promise I’ll do it for you even if it’s not f*cking Christmas.

Even if it’s the middle of summer?

You think I’m kidding, but you shout it out and I promise you I’ll get it done. Madison Square Garden, f*cking done.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/12/13/michael-buble-talks-eggplant-emojis-sexist-christmas-cover/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.tumblr.com/post/181080332255

[cynthiajayusa]

Michael Bublé Talks Eggplant Emojis, ‘Sexist’ Christmas Cover

“You’re my first. Be gentle with me. Can we start with, like, a foreplay thing where you can just take it easy on me? Some gentle licking perhaps, and then we’ll get into the heavy stuff.” And so my interview with Michael Bublé, who has almost made me forget he has a wife, Argentine actress Luisana Lopilato, begins.

Returning to music with a new heart-emoji-titled album called love that he will support on a world tour in 2019, Bublé – who introduces himself by that mononym when he rings me directly – spoke openly on a variety of topics, including the difficulties of being a public figure amid familial distress, atoning for his “sexist” Christmas song and doing his part to support the LGBTQ community.

It’s sweet that this album uses the heart emoji for its title, though the gay community certainly wouldn’t have argued with you naming your album using the eggplant emoji.

Oh god, I wanted to use the eggplant. You have no idea.

You fought for that.

I did. I had long conversations about it. And you think I’m joking. I’ve already said this a million times when talking to my friends: They were like, (in a deeply bro voice) “Why didn’t you use the eggplant?” and I’m like, “Oh, I would have.”

Did you intend for the album to be a Band-Aid for our divisive times?

Yeah, it’s funny that you just said that: I’ve actually said that in private. You know what, man, obviously everything I’ve gone through has everything to do with this record and what I want to put out to the world. I had different names that I’d come up with, but there was nothing that really explained the record and the concept as well as just one word could.

The record is about love, but it’s not simply about romantic love. It was really a record that was kind of my theory on this word, this emotion that has so much range. When you hear it you think, “Oh god, romantic and lovey-smovey,” but there’s so many different things that happen with that word.

“When I Fall in Love” is such a beautiful track and people say, “Oh, it’s so romantic.” It is romantic. But for me, it’s really sad. As I put myself into the character of that song, I thought about a guy sitting at the bar at 4 o’clock in the morning, drunk, looking over at another couple, wishing that he had that because it hasn’t happened for him. It’s very unique in that way. It’s a very sad song about longing. I could go on through the whole tracklist. They all have a story for me.

Did you personalize any of the songs?

I wanted to do the best I could to be as personal and honest in the storytelling, in becoming the characters for the song, but at the same time give the audience a way to be able to hear and have their own opinions.

If I want to use this album to get a guy to fall in love with me, which song do you suggest I play to make him swoon?

Honestly, I think “La Vie En Rose” (a duet with jazz vocalist Cecile McLorin Salvant) is incredible because when I did this song my concept was to build a mirror of the relationship I had with my wife. It was me going to this foreign land with someone who didn’t speak my language and having this kind of dance of love with them.

I felt like there were these two characters and one is singing to the other, where I was singing to her in my language and my culture and she was answering in hers. Though we were on this path together, we were still apart; and by the middle of the song we have this beautiful dance together, this incredible night, and by the morning we were walking through the streets of Paris. I have sort of assimilated to her culture and I am singing in her language, and I loved that because that’s exactly what happened in my life.

I don’t think you thought you’d be recording music again after your 5-year-old son, Noah, was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2016, days after our last conversation. But I’ve heard you say he’s holding up and is in remission. Was creating this album more cathartic than past albums?

I don’t think I ever fell out of love with making music or being a creative person; I just think I knew it had to be put aside. The part of being a public person, that part I didn’t know if I was ready for. There are always reminders every time you go out and people speak and you’re trying to move on with your life or yourself and your family. At first, there were always these reminders of it and so it was hard to just move on.

I made a promise to myself that it would be organic and that it would be joy and it would be blissful – and if it ever becomes what I consider work, or egotistically driven, then I would step away. But I never fell out of love with making music. You know, I’m having to leave the family and stuff for little bits, and if I do then it has to be for the right reasons.

Harder than usual to leave the family right now?

No, it’s not. When I do something, I know that there’s a great reason for it. We can make more money and we can make more music and we can make more this and more that, but it’s time – you can’t make time. I wanna make sure I’m spending time doing what I love and that it’s all worthwhile.

You talked about being an LGBTQ ally in our last interview. Why did you decide to express your compassion and advocacy for the LGBTQ community at that moment in your career?

I don’t know if it was about that moment. I think I had an opportunity to speak with you, and I felt like it was a really good chance to say how I felt. Now more than ever I think it’s important for me to just be honest, and it’s what I believe. It’s part of who I fundamentally am, how I was raised. And it’s about equality. It’s simple. That’s it.

I wish it were so simple. When we last spoke, Trump hadn’t been elected, and a lot has changed in the last couple of years politically. How are you feeling about the way this administration has treated the LGBTQ community and other marginalized groups?

I don’t… (pause)… it sounds crazy, but after what I’ve been through, I really promised myself that I would try not to get into – and when I say “get into,” I just didn’t want to be a part of negative things. So I stopped reading things. I stopped reading things about myself. I stopped reading things that made me feel badly.

I really, truly feel like more than ever in my life actions speak much louder than words do and how you treat people is – it’s funny, a friend heard me talking to my son. My son was going to his first day of kindergarten and he saw me kneel down to my boy and I said to him, “Noah, I just want you to know that” – and it sounds like a cliché, but I said, “You treat people the way you want to be treated, kid.” I said, “If you’re kind to people and you’re good to people, life will always be OK for you.” And I got up and I walked away and my friend said to me, “They may not remember what you did or what you said but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”

I can’t stop the politicians or stupid, uneducated people from thinking and saying and doing stupid things, but I can make a stand, I can talk to you, and when I’m with groups of friends or I’m in public places or when I’m with people who I think can use that sense of love and education, I can open my mouth and tell them how I feel. And one at a time, you can change the world like that.

Listen, I’ve gone through too much not to feel this way. I just feel this way really strongly. I also think it’s important – it’s really easy for someone selling something, an artist, to say that they support or love the gay community; I just think it’s a different thing to say it than to do it.

When we spoke in 2016, you told me you had plans to get involved with the Harvey Milk High School in New York City, but then, of course, you had to tend to your family. Do you plan on picking up where you left off?

As a matter of fact, (my publicist) Liz (Rosenberg) and I have spoken many times and talked about the plan that we have. We have a plan (that involves) the Hetrick-Martin Institute (a NYC-based professional provider of social support and programming for LGBTQ youth and host agency for the Harvey Milk High School).

To start, I just wanted to go. I wanted to go and just let people know they had my support. Young kids who have been bullied and haven’t felt comfortable have a place to go, which is just disturbing in the first place, that in 2018 they didn’t. There wasn’t an environment where they felt they could be who they are. Listen, I can’t get into the details. I can’t.

You can’t get into details about the project?

Not those details, but within my family there are things that I can’t really speak to that have made this even more pressing for me. It’s because it’s not my story to tell. But I’ll just say that within my family these are the same issues that every family has. I wouldn’t and I couldn’t talk about something so personal. Definitely, I just know there needs to be advocates. Being a public person is having a responsibility sometimes to show that kind of love and that kind of support and to step out there and to do that. It’s not an edgy fucking thing to do. It’s not.

For some public figures it seems so.

Why? Because what – half of the audience doesn’t buy your records anymore? Well, that’s fucking stupid, isn’t it? Then you gotta ask yourself if you want half of those people buying your records in the first place, and what’s really important to you. Because if you’re gonna tell people that you know what’s important or that you’ve had an epiphany in your life that you know what matters then, again, actions speak louder than words, don’t they?

Knowing what Noah has gone through, has the feeling of loving your kids no matter who they are, which we discussed in 2016, intensified in the last couple of years?

No, it was always the same. I could tell you the truth: I never had to find that perspective, I always felt that way. And I think I’m very lucky because I really do think that came from the way I was parented. I really do think I was very lucky to be raised in a family that was so open and liberal and loving. I just think they were always so unconditionally loving – not just toward us children, but toward our family.

Again, clichés, but I just tell both of my boys now that they’re old enough to understand: “You know, boys, the things that make you different are what makes you special.” What’s amazing to me about that school and wanting so badly to go to that school is, I just feel so strongly that the difference between a child and an adult is only life experience. An adult’s life experience is, “It’s gonna get better. This isn’t how it has to be, and this isn’t how it’s going to be.” So for me, it’s really massive to be able to meet kids and to say publicly – really: “It’s not always going to be like this.”

In light of the holidays, you do realize your gay fans would’ve gone wild for a version of “Santa Baby” by you that was actually called “Santa Baby,” right?

(Laughs) Yeah, exactly. Instead of “Santa Buddy.” I think I used “Santa Baby” in one of the lines.

You did.

I should’ve gone full.

I mean, a straight man can shop at Tiffany’s.

(Laughs) Yeah, no, you’re right. It’s funny: When I did that song, I tried to put it into my perspective and modernize it. I changed words; I asked for a Rolex or Mercedes or things I would want. The best part about it is: I get to sing those kinds of songs now in my life, and if I do concerts and I wanna add a Christmas song, then you know what? I can amend it and I can sing “Santa Baby.”

A straight guy singing “Santa Baby” is the progress we need.

F*ck yeah. You’re right, you’re absolutely right. It was sexist of me not to.

I’m looking forward to your live rendition of it.

I’ll do it for you. That’s a promise. I promise I’ll do it for you even if it’s not f*cking Christmas.

Even if it’s the middle of summer?

You think I’m kidding, but you shout it out and I promise you I’ll get it done. Madison Square Garden, f*cking done.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/12/13/michael-buble-talks-eggplant-emojis-sexist-christmas-cover/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2018/12/michael-buble-talks-eggplant-emojis.html

[hotspotsmagazine]

Michael Bublé Talks Eggplant Emojis, ‘Sexist’ Christmas Cover

“You’re my first. Be gentle with me. Can we start with, like, a foreplay thing where you can just take it easy on me? Some gentle licking perhaps, and then we’ll get into the heavy stuff.” And so my interview with Michael Bublé, who has almost made me forget he has a wife, Argentine actress Luisana Lopilato, begins.

Returning to music with a new heart-emoji-titled album called love that he will support on a world tour in 2019, Bublé – who introduces himself by that mononym when he rings me directly – spoke openly on a variety of topics, including the difficulties of being a public figure amid familial distress, atoning for his “sexist” Christmas song and doing his part to support the LGBTQ community.

It’s sweet that this album uses the heart emoji for its title, though the gay community certainly wouldn’t have argued with you naming your album using the eggplant emoji.

Oh god, I wanted to use the eggplant. You have no idea.

You fought for that.

I did. I had long conversations about it. And you think I’m joking. I’ve already said this a million times when talking to my friends: They were like, (in a deeply bro voice) “Why didn’t you use the eggplant?” and I’m like, “Oh, I would have.”

Did you intend for the album to be a Band-Aid for our divisive times?

Yeah, it’s funny that you just said that: I’ve actually said that in private. You know what, man, obviously everything I’ve gone through has everything to do with this record and what I want to put out to the world. I had different names that I’d come up with, but there was nothing that really explained the record and the concept as well as just one word could.

The record is about love, but it’s not simply about romantic love. It was really a record that was kind of my theory on this word, this emotion that has so much range. When you hear it you think, “Oh god, romantic and lovey-smovey,” but there’s so many different things that happen with that word.

“When I Fall in Love” is such a beautiful track and people say, “Oh, it’s so romantic.” It is romantic. But for me, it’s really sad. As I put myself into the character of that song, I thought about a guy sitting at the bar at 4 o’clock in the morning, drunk, looking over at another couple, wishing that he had that because it hasn’t happened for him. It’s very unique in that way. It’s a very sad song about longing. I could go on through the whole tracklist. They all have a story for me.

Did you personalize any of the songs?

I wanted to do the best I could to be as personal and honest in the storytelling, in becoming the characters for the song, but at the same time give the audience a way to be able to hear and have their own opinions.

If I want to use this album to get a guy to fall in love with me, which song do you suggest I play to make him swoon?

Honestly, I think “La Vie En Rose” (a duet with jazz vocalist Cecile McLorin Salvant) is incredible because when I did this song my concept was to build a mirror of the relationship I had with my wife. It was me going to this foreign land with someone who didn’t speak my language and having this kind of dance of love with them.

I felt like there were these two characters and one is singing to the other, where I was singing to her in my language and my culture and she was answering in hers. Though we were on this path together, we were still apart; and by the middle of the song we have this beautiful dance together, this incredible night, and by the morning we were walking through the streets of Paris. I have sort of assimilated to her culture and I am singing in her language, and I loved that because that’s exactly what happened in my life.

I don’t think you thought you’d be recording music again after your 5-year-old son, Noah, was diagnosed with liver cancer in 2016, days after our last conversation. But I’ve heard you say he’s holding up and is in remission. Was creating this album more cathartic than past albums?

I don’t think I ever fell out of love with making music or being a creative person; I just think I knew it had to be put aside. The part of being a public person, that part I didn’t know if I was ready for. There are always reminders every time you go out and people speak and you’re trying to move on with your life or yourself and your family. At first, there were always these reminders of it and so it was hard to just move on.

I made a promise to myself that it would be organic and that it would be joy and it would be blissful – and if it ever becomes what I consider work, or egotistically driven, then I would step away. But I never fell out of love with making music. You know, I’m having to leave the family and stuff for little bits, and if I do then it has to be for the right reasons.

Harder than usual to leave the family right now?

No, it’s not. When I do something, I know that there’s a great reason for it. We can make more money and we can make more music and we can make more this and more that, but it’s time – you can’t make time. I wanna make sure I’m spending time doing what I love and that it’s all worthwhile.

You talked about being an LGBTQ ally in our last interview. Why did you decide to express your compassion and advocacy for the LGBTQ community at that moment in your career?

I don’t know if it was about that moment. I think I had an opportunity to speak with you, and I felt like it was a really good chance to say how I felt. Now more than ever I think it’s important for me to just be honest, and it’s what I believe. It’s part of who I fundamentally am, how I was raised. And it’s about equality. It’s simple. That’s it.

I wish it were so simple. When we last spoke, Trump hadn’t been elected, and a lot has changed in the last couple of years politically. How are you feeling about the way this administration has treated the LGBTQ community and other marginalized groups?

I don’t… (pause)… it sounds crazy, but after what I’ve been through, I really promised myself that I would try not to get into – and when I say “get into,” I just didn’t want to be a part of negative things. So I stopped reading things. I stopped reading things about myself. I stopped reading things that made me feel badly.

I really, truly feel like more than ever in my life actions speak much louder than words do and how you treat people is – it’s funny, a friend heard me talking to my son. My son was going to his first day of kindergarten and he saw me kneel down to my boy and I said to him, “Noah, I just want you to know that” – and it sounds like a cliché, but I said, “You treat people the way you want to be treated, kid.” I said, “If you’re kind to people and you’re good to people, life will always be OK for you.” And I got up and I walked away and my friend said to me, “They may not remember what you did or what you said but they’ll remember how you made them feel.”

I can’t stop the politicians or stupid, uneducated people from thinking and saying and doing stupid things, but I can make a stand, I can talk to you, and when I’m with groups of friends or I’m in public places or when I’m with people who I think can use that sense of love and education, I can open my mouth and tell them how I feel. And one at a time, you can change the world like that.

Listen, I’ve gone through too much not to feel this way. I just feel this way really strongly. I also think it’s important – it’s really easy for someone selling something, an artist, to say that they support or love the gay community; I just think it’s a different thing to say it than to do it.

When we spoke in 2016, you told me you had plans to get involved with the Harvey Milk High School in New York City, but then, of course, you had to tend to your family. Do you plan on picking up where you left off?

As a matter of fact, (my publicist) Liz (Rosenberg) and I have spoken many times and talked about the plan that we have. We have a plan (that involves) the Hetrick-Martin Institute (a NYC-based professional provider of social support and programming for LGBTQ youth and host agency for the Harvey Milk High School).

To start, I just wanted to go. I wanted to go and just let people know they had my support. Young kids who have been bullied and haven’t felt comfortable have a place to go, which is just disturbing in the first place, that in 2018 they didn’t. There wasn’t an environment where they felt they could be who they are. Listen, I can’t get into the details. I can’t.

You can’t get into details about the project?

Not those details, but within my family there are things that I can’t really speak to that have made this even more pressing for me. It’s because it’s not my story to tell. But I’ll just say that within my family these are the same issues that every family has. I wouldn’t and I couldn’t talk about something so personal. Definitely, I just know there needs to be advocates. Being a public person is having a responsibility sometimes to show that kind of love and that kind of support and to step out there and to do that. It’s not an edgy fucking thing to do. It’s not.

For some public figures it seems so.

Why? Because what – half of the audience doesn’t buy your records anymore? Well, that’s fucking stupid, isn’t it? Then you gotta ask yourself if you want half of those people buying your records in the first place, and what’s really important to you. Because if you’re gonna tell people that you know what’s important or that you’ve had an epiphany in your life that you know what matters then, again, actions speak louder than words, don’t they?

Knowing what Noah has gone through, has the feeling of loving your kids no matter who they are, which we discussed in 2016, intensified in the last couple of years?

No, it was always the same. I could tell you the truth: I never had to find that perspective, I always felt that way. And I think I’m very lucky because I really do think that came from the way I was parented. I really do think I was very lucky to be raised in a family that was so open and liberal and loving. I just think they were always so unconditionally loving – not just toward us children, but toward our family.

Again, clichés, but I just tell both of my boys now that they’re old enough to understand: “You know, boys, the things that make you different are what makes you special.” What’s amazing to me about that school and wanting so badly to go to that school is, I just feel so strongly that the difference between a child and an adult is only life experience. An adult’s life experience is, “It’s gonna get better. This isn’t how it has to be, and this isn’t how it’s going to be.” So for me, it’s really massive to be able to meet kids and to say publicly – really: “It’s not always going to be like this.”

In light of the holidays, you do realize your gay fans would’ve gone wild for a version of “Santa Baby” by you that was actually called “Santa Baby,” right?

(Laughs) Yeah, exactly. Instead of “Santa Buddy.” I think I used “Santa Baby” in one of the lines.

You did.

I should’ve gone full.

I mean, a straight man can shop at Tiffany’s.

(Laughs) Yeah, no, you’re right. It’s funny: When I did that song, I tried to put it into my perspective and modernize it. I changed words; I asked for a Rolex or Mercedes or things I would want. The best part about it is: I get to sing those kinds of songs now in my life, and if I do concerts and I wanna add a Christmas song, then you know what? I can amend it and I can sing “Santa Baby.”

A straight guy singing “Santa Baby” is the progress we need.

F*ck yeah. You’re right, you’re absolutely right. It was sexist of me not to.

I’m looking forward to your live rendition of it.

I’ll do it for you. That’s a promise. I promise I’ll do it for you even if it’s not f*cking Christmas.

Even if it’s the middle of summer?

You think I’m kidding, but you shout it out and I promise you I’ll get it done. Madison Square Garden, f*cking done.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/12/13/michael-buble-talks-eggplant-emojis-sexist-christmas-cover/

[lodelss]

Soraya Roberts | Longreads | November 2018 | 10 minutes (2,422 words)

Should I be married to a woman? If today were yesterday, if all this sexual fluidity were in the discourse when I was coming of age in the ‘90s, would I have been with a woman instead of a man? It is a question that “The Bisexual” creator Desiree Akhavan also poses in the second episode of her Hulu series, co-produced with Channel 4 because no U.S. network wanted it. Akhavan directed, co-wrote, and stars in the show in which her character, Leila, splits with her girlfriend of 10 years, Sadie (Maxine Peake), and starts having sex with men for the first time. So, Leila asks, if the opposite had happened to her — as it did to me — and a guy had swept her off her feet instead of a woman, would things have turned out differently? “Maybe I would’ve gone the path of least resistance,” Leila says. Maybe I did.

This is a conundrum that marks a previous generation — one that had to “fight for it,” as Akhavan’s heroine puts it, and is all the more self-conscious for being juxtaposed with the next one, the one populated by the fluid youth of social media idolizing the likes of pansexual Janelle Monáe, polyamorous Ezra Miller, undecided Lucas Hedges. Call it a queer generation gap (what’s one more label?). “I don’t know what it’s like to grow up with the Internet,” 32-year-old Akhavan explains to a younger self-described “queer woman” in her show. “I just get the sense that it’s changing your relationship to gender and to sexuality in a really good way, but in a way I can’t relate to.”

***

This Playboy bunny is chest out, lips open, legs wide. This Playboy bunny is every other Playboy bunny except for the flat hairy chest because this Playboy bunny is Ezra Miller. The star of Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald calls himself “queer” but it’s hard to take him seriously. What was it Susan Sontag said: it’s not camp if it’s trying to be camp? And for the past few months, while promoting the Potterverse prequel no one asked for, this 26-year-old fashionisto has been trying his damndest, styling himself as a sort of latter day Ziggy Stardust — the monastic Moncler puffer cape, the glittering Givenchy feathers — minus the depth. Six months ago, Miller looked like every other guy on the red carpet and now, per his own request, models bunny ears, fishnets, and heels as a gender-fluid rabbit for a randy Playboy interview. Okay, I guess, but it reads disingenuous to someone who grew up surrounded by closets to see them plundered so flagrantly for publicity. Described as “attracted to men and women,” Miller is nevertheless quoted mostly on the subject of guys, the ones he jerked off and fell in love with. He claims his lack of romantic success has lead him to be a polycule: a “polyamorous molecule” involving multiple “queer beings who understand me as a queer being.”

The article hit two weeks after i-D published a feature in which heartthrob Harry Styles interviewed heartthrob Timothée Chalamet with — despite their supposed reframing of masculinity — the upshot, as always, being female genuflection. “I want to say you can be whatever you want to be,” Chalamet explains, styled as a sensitive greaser for the cover. “There isn’t a specific notion, or jean size, or muscle shirt, or affectation, or eyebrow raise, or dissolution, or drug use that you have to take part in to be masculine.” Styles, on brand, pushes it further. “I think there’s so much masculinity in being vulnerable and allowing yourself to be feminine,” the 24-year-old musician says, “and I’m very comfortable with that.” (Of course you are comfortable, white guy…did I say that out loud?) As part of the boy band One Direction, Styles was marketed as a female fantasy and became a kind of latter-day Mick Jagger, the playboy who gets all the girls. His subsequent refusal to label himself, the rumors about his close relationship with band mate Louis Tomlinson, and the elevation of his song “Medicine” to “bisexual anthem”– “The boys and the girls are in/I mess around with them/And I’m OK with it” — all build on a solid foundation of cis white male heterosexuality.

Timothée Chalamet’s sexuality, meanwhile, flows freely between fiction and fact. While the 22-year-old actor is “straight-identifying,” he acquires a queer veneer by virtue of his signature role as Call Me by Your Name’s Elio, a bisexual teen (or, at least, a boy who has had sex with both women and men). Yet off screen, as Timothée, he embodies a robust heterosexuality. On social media, the thirst for him skews overwhelmingly female, while reports about his romantic partners — Madonna’s daughter, Johnny Depp’s daughter — not only paint him straight but enviably so. Lucas Hedges, another straight-identified actor who plays gay in the conversion therapy drama Boy Erased, somewhat disrupts this narrative, returning fluidity to the ambiguous space it came from. The 21-year-old admitted in an interview with Vulture that he found it difficult to pin himself down, having been “infatuated with” close male friends but more often women. “I recognize myself as existing on that spectrum,” he says. “Not totally straight, but also not gay and not necessarily bisexual.” That he felt “ashamed” for not being binary despite having a sixth-grade health teacher who introduced him to the range of sexuality suggests how married our culture is to it.

As a woman familiar with the shame associated with female sexuality, it’s difficult to ignore the difference in tenor of the response to famous young white males like Miller, Styles, and Chalamet and famous black women like Janelle Monáe and Tessa Thompson not only discussing it, but making even more radical statements. Appearing on the cover of Rolling Stone in May, Monáe said straight up (so to speak): “Being a queer black woman in America — someone who has been in relationships with both men and women — I consider myself to be a free-ass motherfucker.” The same age as Desiree Akhavan, 32, Monáe identified as bisexual until she read about pansexuality. She initially came out through her music; her album, Dirty Computer, contains a song called “Q.U.E.E.N.” which was originally titled “Q.U.E.E.R.,” while the music video accompanying “Pynk” has actress Tessa Thompson emerging from Monáe’s Georgia O’Keeffe-esque pants. While neither one of them has discussed their relationship in detail, Thompson, who in Porter magazine’s July issue revealed she is attracted to men and women, said, “If people want to speculate about what we are, that’s okay.”

The mainstream press and what appeared to be a number of non-queer social media acolytes credited Chalamet and Styles with redefining their gender and trouncing toxic masculinity. “[H]arry styles, ezra miller, and timothee chalamet are going to save the world,” tweeted one woman, while The Guardian dubbed Miller the “hero we need right now.” Monáe, meanwhile, was predominantly championed by queer fans (“can we please talk about how our absolute monarch Janelle Monáe has been telegraphing her truth to the queers thru her art and fashion for YEARS and now this Rolling Stone interview is a delicious cherry on top + a ‘told u so’ to all the h*teros”) and eclipsed by questions about what pansexual actually means. While white male fluidity was held up as heroic, female fluidity, particularly black female fluidity, was somehow unremarkable. Why? Part of the answer was recently, eloquently, provided by “Younger” star Nico Tortorella, who identifies as gender-fluid, bisexual, and polyamorous. “I get to share my story,” he told The Daily Beast. “That’s a privilege that I have because of what I look like, the color of my skin, what I have between my legs, my straight passing-ness, everything.”

***

When I was growing up sex was not fun, it was fraught. Sex was AIDS, disease, death. The Supreme Court of Canada protected sexual orientation under the Charter when I was 15 but I went to school in Alberta, Canada’s version of Texas — my gym teacher was the face of Alberta beef. In my high school, no one was gay even if they were. All gender was binary. Sex was a penis in a vagina. Popular culture was as straight, and even Prince and David Bowie seemed to use their glam sparkle to sleep with more women rather than fewer. Bisexual women on film were murderers (Basic Instinct) or sluts (Chasing Amy) and in the end were united by their desire for “some serious deep dicking.” I saw no bisexual women on television (I didn’t watch “Buffy”) and LGBTQ characters were limited (“My So-Called Life”). Alanis Morissette was considered pop music’s feminist icon, but even she was singing about Dave Coulier. And the female celebrities who seemed to swing both ways — Madonna, Drew Barrymore, Bijou Phillips — were the kind who were already acting out, their sexuality a hallmark of their lack of control.

“I think unrealistic depictions of sex and relationships are harmful,” Akhavan told The New York Times. “I was raised on them and the first time I had sex, I had learned everything from film and television and I was like ‘Oh, this isn’t at all like I saw on the screen.’” Bisexuality has historically been passed over on screen for a more accessible binary depiction of relationships. In her 2013 book The B Word: Bisexuality in Contemporary Film and Television, Maria San Filippo describes what has become known as “bisexual erasure” in pop culture: “Outside of the erotically transgressive realms of art cinema and pornography, screen as well as ‘real life’ bisexuality is effaced not only by what I’ve named compulsory monosexuality but also by compulsory monogamy,” she writes, adding, “the assumption remains that the gender of one’s current object choice indicates one’s sexuality.” So even high-profile films that include leads having sex with both genders — Brokeback Mountain, The Kids Are All Right, Blue Is the Warmest Color, Carol, Call Me By Your Name — are coded “gay” rather than “bi.”

Despite the rise in bisexual women on the small screen like Annalise in “How to Get Away with Murder,” Syd in “Transparent,” and Ilana in “Broad City,” GLAAD’s latest report on inclusion cited continued underrepresentation. While 28 percent of LGBTQ characters on television are bisexual, the majority are women (75 versus 18) and they are often associated with harmful tropes — sex is used to move the plot forward and the characters scan amoral and manipulative. This despite an increase in the U.S.’s queer population to 4.5 percent in 2017 from 3.5 percent in 2012 (when Gallup started tracking it). A notable detail is the extreme generational divide in identification: “The percentage of millennials who identify as LGBT expanded from 7.3% to 8.1% from 2016 to 2017, and is up from 5.8% in 2012,” reported Gallup. “By contrast, the LGBT percentage in Generation X (those born from 1965 to 1979) was up only .2% from 2016 to 2017.”

Here’s the embarrassing part. While I am technically a millennial, I align more with Generation X (that’s not the embarrassing bit). I am attracted more to men, but I am attracted to women as well yet don’t identify as LGBTQ. How best to describe this? I remember a relative being relieved when I acquired my first boyfriend (it was late). “Oh good, I thought you were gay,” they said. I was angry at them for suggesting that being gay was a bad thing, but also relieved that I had dodged a bullet. This isn’t exactly the internalized homophobia that Hannah Gadsby talked about, but it isn’t exactly not. My parents and my brother would have been fine with me being gay. So what’s the problem? The problem is that the standard I grew up with — in the culture, in the world around me — was not homosexuality, it was heterosexuality. I don’t judge non-heterosexual relationships, but having one myself somehow falls short of ideal. For the same reason, I can’t shake the false belief that lesbian sex is less legitimate than gay sex between men. The ideal is penetration. “That’s some Chasing Amy shit,” my boyfriend, eight years younger, said. And, yeah, unfortunately, it is. I have company though.

In a survey released in June, billed as “the most comprehensive of its kind,” Whitman Insight Strategies and BuzzFeed News polled 880 LGBTQ Americans, almost half of whom were between the ages of 18 and 29, and found that the majority, 46 percent, identified as bisexual. While women self-described as bi four times as often as men (79 to 19 percent), the report did not offer a single clear reason for the discrepancy. It did, however, suggest “phallocentrism,” the notion that the penis is the organizing principle for the world, the standard. In other words, sex is a penis in a vagina. “While bisexual women are often stereotyped as sleeping with women for male attention, or just going through a phase en route to permanent heterosexuality,” the report reads, “the opposite is presumed of bisexual men: that they are simply confused or semi-closeted gay men.” This explains why women who come out, like Monáe and Thompson, are considered less iconoclastic in the popular culture than men who even just make vague gestures towards fluidity — the stakes are considered higher for the guys. In truth, few feel comfortable being bi. Though the Pew Research Center’s survey of queer Americans in 2013 revealed that 40 percent of respondents identified as bisexual, this population was less likely to come out and more likely to be with a partner of the opposite sex. Famous women like Maria Bello, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristen Stewart have all come out, yet none of them really use the label.

“Not feeling gay enough, that’s something I felt a lot of guilt over,” Akhavan told the Times. It is guilt like this and the aforementioned shame which makes it all the more frustrating to watch the ease with which the younger generation publicly owns their fluidity. It is doubly hard to watch young white men being praised for wearing bunny ears in a magazine that has so long objectified women, simply because the expectations are so much lower for them. “I’m not looking down on the younger experience of being queer,” Akhavan said, “but I do think that there’s a resentment there that we gloss over.” In response, many of us react conservatively, with the feeling that they haven’t worked for it, that it is somehow less earned because of that. This is an acknowledgment of that resentment, of the eye rolling and the snickering with which we respond to the youth (ah, youth!). In the end we are not judging you for being empowered. We are judging ourselves for not being empowered enough.

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Soraya Roberts is a culture columnist at Longreads.

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