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thetradeway · 3 years

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Session 45 12 Jun 2021: “We’ll have to send off for a new goblin.”

Ed is unavailable, and Duncan is still having internet troubles.

Right - we’re doing an investigation. Guests’ names, how did they come to be on board, where are they heading, what did they do to the Captain. Has Lolo had any strange visitors to the kitchen? (I suppose Tarragon would already know if she had…)

Mina is debating eating her doritos, but her mute button doesn’t work so we advise against it. Sophie says that she and Matthew would be eating crunchy apples and lettuce but they’re polite so they’re having pizza instead. Joe suggests putting the apples and lettuce into a smoothie; Sophie likes this idea, but Matthew starts to go purple at the thought of cancelling the pizza.

Duncan turns up, hooray! There’s some talk about Just Eat, and Marilyn Manson. Matthew has been letting insects loose in his laboratory, apparently.

Should Sophie pilot Gideon? Oooh, yes, that would be a good idea. At the end of last session Ardvack was malingering, wasn’t he? Well, he was leaking. He thinks there might have been an organ on show. (Not that one, dirty.) We all tease him about how much he complains; he goes to the sick bay with his nose in a sling.

We remember what he said at the end of last session, right? Yes, he made mention of the ‘honoured one’ the sahuagin were supposed to avoid killing. They also said ‘those who are eaten should shut up’ so we presume that it’s not any of us. What sort of dinner were the captain and guests having, were they all eating together? Yes, they were. Aegea says we can use the Captain's quarters to interview the guests one by one if we want.

Kessler asks if Tarragon can talk to Lolo; yes, she can. Kessler gives Ardvack a potion; her third unselfish act. She’s growing as a goblin. Or not - he’s already gone to the sick bay, and going after him sounds too much like hard work.

Ahleqs goes to find Charity and ask him if he wants to participate in the interrogation of the guests; he is still poking his intestines back in and making use of the ship’s hit dice.

We all decide to do different things. Kessler and Melaina want to search the guests’ rooms while they’re being interviewed. Kessler spends ten minutes deciding what to do about her armour, if she wants to sneak. We could use Simon to keep an eye out as he’s Ahleqs’ familiar, so the sneakers know when each guest is returning to their rooms? They decide to pretend to be unwell after the fight and return to their cabins so they are handily placed for sneaking.

We have six paying customers on board. Some are nobles, some are merchants. All single occupants, no couples.

Human scholar, a halfling noble, an elf noblewoman, an elderly human woman, a dwarfish merchant and a gnomish tinkerer.

We ask for the human scholar first; Aegea shows her into the Captain’s quarters to be interrogated by Ardvack, Ahleqs, Tarragon and Gideon. Ardvack starts rifling through the Captain’s desk. Tarragon begins the questioning by asking if the scholar has seen anything strange on board.

Usha Solomon says this is her first time on a ship, so she doesn’t know what would be normal and what out of the ordinary. Gideon asks if she has had any contact with sah- sagu- saug- fish people. She says no, she’s never seen any. She grew up in Shah, and came north to study Uthgardt tribes. She’s on her way to Candlekeep, after the tribes turned her away and she was lucky to escape with her life. Gideon makes an Insight check - a 22. He’s fairly certain she’s telling the truth. She’s young, and looks excited to be here. She doesn’t have much of a sense of what went on up on deck.

On the deck below, Melaina and Kessler make Perception checks - Kessler rolls a 1. Melaina gets a 13. They think Aegea led someone out of the last cabin on the left, so they ‘see to it in a sneaky fashion’. Now Kessler rolls a nat 20, yeah! They both make Perception checks as they go. Melaina rolls a nat20. (It’s a rollercoaster in here today). She can smell a chemical and see puffs of smoke coming out of a room on the other side - not the one they’re heading for.

Usha’s room is not locked; Melaina pushes it open. Her cabin is less schmancy, so she probably hasn’t paid as much as the others to be here. They start rifling through her possessions. Melaina finds a lot of books, including two or three that are a bit battered and have seen some action. In them, Usha writes about the tribes of barbarians she’s been studying. She’s also been reading up on the myths surrounding them in another book. Kessler finds another book hidden in a barrel, wrapped in leather; it’s filled with folk stories and songs. It’s in a strange dialect of the Common language. Kessler rolls a 1 on her History check, but Melaina recognises it as originating with the Shah people. (It could perhaps be Usha’s ticket in to Candlekeep.)

There doesn’t seem to be much in the way of incriminating evidence as far as the sahuagin attack.

Any more questions from those in the Captain’s quarters? We are muttering like judges on The Voice. Either she’s the world’s best liar, or she’s not who we’re looking for. (There are some Standard Nottingham Noises. Instead of birdsong and squirrels, Duncan gets sirens.)

She is disembarking at Baldur’s Gate and would be up for travelling with us to Candlekeep. Safety in numbers, right? She asks us to come and get us if we see another shark; Tarragon agrees enthusiastically. Ahleqs has a little sit down so he can go into Simon and alert the sneakers. Simon finds the closest of the two and bites her on the toe. Usha ascends the steps and leaves the quarters; Ardvack continues to rifle through the Captain’s desk. He rolls a 7 for Investigation. He does find a great big pile of love letters he’s been sent, that have been shoved in the drawer. Ardvack starts to read them.

Aegea puts her head in and asks if we’re ready for the next one. We are; Tarragon recognises the halfling as a Lightfoot. He takes us all in, twiddling his moustache as he watches us.

Has he seen anything unusual on board? He was coming back from his stroll the other day and he saw a goblin, that’s pretty unusual. Ardvack asks what it was wearing; definitely some sort of heavy armour. He is correcting some of the spelling in the love letters as he questions the halfling.

The halfling asks who we are - we have been employed to investigate strange occurrences at sea. What are our names? Agent Smith, Agent Alex, Agent Orange and Agent Turmeric.

Has he seen any sea monsters? He doesn’t traffic with sea devils.

What’s his name?

Lord Danlan Emberstep. He’s on his way to Baldur’s Gate to find the best tea in all the land. (Not cheese, sadly.) Gideon asks if he met the Captain for the first time when he embarked - he says yes. It’s his first time traveling by boat, also. Tarragon notices he’s giving her the glad-eye. Is there anyone on board he distrusts, for any reason? Apart from the goblin, obviously. He says the gnome is up to something; he stays in his room at all hours, even taking meals in his room, and there are strange smells and sounds coming from it. He was not at dinner with the Captain. Interesting.

Kessler and Melaina roll Perception checks - Melaina rolls a nat 1, and Kessler gets a nat 20. (what is going on??) They sneak over to the halfling’s room. Kessler rolls a 5, but there seems to be no response from the other cabins.

His door is not locked; Melaina pushes it open. Proper bed, nice bedding, a little table with a fancy teapot. Everything here seems fancier than the scholar’s room. Lots of fancy clothes in expensive suitcases, a case of teas and herbs, all fairly innocent. In his things, Melaina finds some letters. Skim-reading them, one is from his mother encouraging him to find a wife. Pretty pedestrian stuff. The sneakers depart, giving Simon a thumbs up as they leave.

Emberstep flashes Tarragon a grin; she does not return it. Ardvack sniggers.

Who do we want next? The gnome, since Emberstep is suspicious of him? Aegea leaves to fetch the gnome; she’s gone for five or ten minutes. When she returns, she says the gnome says we can interview him in his room. Ardvack and Simon go, leaving Tarragon and Gideon.

Ardvack makes a Perception check - 21, and he hears strange sounds and smells odd odours coming from the cabin as he approaches. He knocks - and hears a bang on the other side. A frustrated voice shouts to tell him that the door is open. Ardvack lets himself in.

The gnome’s name is - get this - Wrebis Siglenigle Billowstitch. He shouts at Ardvack for ruining his experiment. He lets Ardvack lead him back to the Captain’s quarters. He is absolutely furious. Ardvack could Pretidigitation him, but he’s not gonna. He’s small, even for a gnome, and covered in soot from the explosion. He asks can we get on with our ‘asinine questions’?

Ardvack: “Yes, we can. Tarragon?”

Everyone, wincing: “Oooooooh…”

He’s heard nothing except Ardvack banging on his door. Is he acquainted with the Captain? He says yes, he had dinner with him the other night. (Someone’s lying…) He is on his way back to Baldur’s Gate.

Did he notice anyone behaving strangely at dinner? No, except that greedy little halfling, who has some atrocious table manners. He looks at Tarragon who nods sagely.

Ardvack asks if he thinks his temperament might land him in hot water one day. He says he is an inventor and has no need of niceties. Ahleqs is suddenly very interested in his inventions and asks if he would know any of them. Wrebis rolls his eyes. Gideon and Tarragon make Insight checks; he is pretty angry but seems to be telling the truth.

His room is open, and it’s obvious which one it is, so Kessler and Melaina sneak on in - to the wrong room, somehow (I think?). Melaina sees the halfling who has just returned to his cabin - he’s writing a list onto which he has just added ‘gnome girl??’.

In the gnome’s room are all sorts of equipment and tinkerer’s gear, which Kessler recognises immediately. She wants to know what he was working on before the explosion, and if she can fix it before he gets back. She makes an Investigation check and rolls a 31 - it’s a device that lights up when you twist it. It’s intricate, and she’s impressed. She makes a Tinkerer’s roll, but only gets a 10. She doesn’t quite manage it, but she thinks she knows what she did wrong. She can leave him a note if she likes. She contemplates stealing his idea instead, but ultimately decides to write something in the margins of his notes to tell him what went wrong.

He seems, to Kessler, to be pretty innocent. There’s nothing incriminating here, though he has an odd lack of personal belongings.

In the Captain's quarters, the gnome recommends that if Tarragon is getting good money for this job, that she put some of it towards finishing school for ‘this oaf’, prodding Charity.

Tarragon, sniffily: “As if I would spend a single copper of my money on this asshole.”

Who’s next? Ardvack wants to know if there’s a kettle around for making tea, if we’re to host a noblewoman. There is a little pot on stilts; Tarragon lights the fire underneath it with her Druidcraft cantrip; Ahleqs, seeing this, stops the Fireball he was casting.

Aegea brings the the old human granny, olive skinned and hunching.

Ardvack offers her tea. She waddles to the table and lifts the lid on the pot, giving it a good sniff before accepting. “Thank you my love.”

Gideon starts the questioning by asking what her business is on the ship. Where is her destination? Baldur’s Gate, then the Skyfire Wastes. We make History checks - we all know our geography. It’s the Calim Desert. There’s a big area in the Heartlands that is no go after a huge collapse during the time of the gods, and it’s accessible to the Underdark. Elders are respected in that culture.

Ardvack pours tea for himself, the woman, and Gideon, and no-one else. The woman notices this and tells him he’ll catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

Where has she been? Icewind Dale, making use of her skills. Tarragon tells her she must have some interesting stories; she says she could say the same about her. “I don’t know about that, I’m still collecting them.”

She says that Ahleqs looks tired. Would he like ‘some puff’? She takes some out and sniffs it. He’ll try it? She hands him a silver pot. He tries to remember how the boys in the pub used to do it after work. He makes a History check to see if he can remember, and rolls a 19. Just a little pinch will be enough. He makes a CON save at Advantage. (Matthew, OOC: "If you roll a nat 1 you sneeze and fart at the same time.") He gets a 16; he’s fine.

Her name is Amelia Krauss, and she has sailed on the Fallen Star before - on her outward journey, in fact. Has she seen anyone suspicious? Not really, apart from the goblin, and she seems nice enough. Has she seen the fish people? She’s heard tales of them. Can she think of anyone who might wish the Captain harm?

Perhaps a jilted paramour? Ardvack has been rifling through the letters, and must know the Captain has a few of those in his past. Amelia: "I bet you don’t miss anything with that conk." (Tarragon scream-laughs.) Ardvack, wounded: “It’s a family nose.”

Amelia, nodding at the letters: “you know that’s not nice, don’t you?” Ardvack puts the letters back.

Has Amelia seen anything unusual? She doesn’t like to gossip; Gideon makes a Persuasion check. (Ahleqs makes an Insight check; he suspects that she does like to gossip.) “It’s not nice to speak about others when they’re not here to defend themselves.”

Gideon: “Madam, this is a matter of life and death, you do realise we’ve been attacked?” He makes a Persuasion check at Advantage - he rolls TWO NATURAL ONES.

Amelia has finished her tea so she hands the cup to Ardvack. “Is that all, dear?” He promises that if she tells us anything it will remain between us. It shan’t leave this room if nothing comes of it. He makes a Persuasion check at Advantage - a 22.

“I’ll make you a deal - I’ll tell you what I know if you apologise to your two friends here for your terrible behaviour.”

He decides it’s not worth it.

(What an asshole.)

He changes his mind and does apologise - to Ahleqs sincerely and fake to Tarragon, until the old woman seizes him by the ear. “I think we can do a little better than that, can’t we?” He huffs and puffs, and makes a very feeble attempt at an apology. It's incredibly insincere.

Tarragon lets him have it. He’s been nothing but mean to her since the very beginning. He can apologise if he likes, but she won’t accept it. But she bit him when he read her a poem, Ardvack protests! When he read her those poems it was nothing to do with her, she retorts, it was all about him and he only used them to humiliate her.

"You hate me and I hate you, and that’s never going to change so you can apologise if you like, but I literally don’t care what you think of me." Ardvack shrugs.

“Is that better?” he asks the woman, of his apology. She lets him go, saying “Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age just shows up on its own.”

The woman heard chanting last night. It was not in a language she knows. She speaks lots of languages, common, dwarfish, elvish, gnome and halfling. It wasn’t any of those.

Could it have come from one of the adjoining rooms? She thinks it might.

Melaina and Kessler sneak into her room - again, it’s not locked. It’s immaculately tidy and smells of incense. Kessler thinks it’s too clean. She’s reluctant to touch anything in case Nurse Crazy notices that the penguin isn’t quite facing due north. It’s clean but not sterile - there are belongings in there. Bags, a wall hanging, some crystals. They make Investigation checks on the crystals, Kessler at Advantage. She’s seen them in labs before; they’ve got something to do with enchanting. (Soul gems!)

Amelia will be in her cabin if we have further questions.

A dwarves merchant or an elvish noblewoman? Aegea comes back with the elvish noblewoman. She introduces herself as Lady Aenwyn Nerithyra. Ardvack bows.

Gideon asks her what her destination is. She smiles and says she’s on her way to Candlekeep. She’s familiar with the tradition of offerings and has a suitable book. Ahleqs asks what it is; it’s more of a gesture than anything else because her family have donated a lot. She’s hoping to become one of the Avowed. (She’s having a gap century.)

Ardvack asks some stupid questions, and she smiles condescendingly at him. He says he has been at Candlekeep; good bunch, mostly. Is she planning on travelling from Baldur’s Gate? The Captain has offered to help her arrange another boat.

Has she noticed anything unusual on board? Not really; she’s been on deck but hasn’t seen any sea creatures that are out of the ordinary. No-one behaving suspiciously? The gnome in his cabin...? Oh, yeah, we know all about him.

She tells us that when they were all locked in their rooms the first mate came below and went up on deck with the cook during the attack. The cook! Tarragon tells her not to worry, Lolo is no ordinary cook. Has the elf noble heard chanting? She says it may have been her, making her devotions. She usually chants in Common or Elvish (Amelia would have recognised those). Gideon makes an Insight check with Guidance from Tarragon - a 12. He thinks she’s telling the truth. Ardvack agrees, she’s of noble birth and therefore above suspicion. Tarragon rolls a 17; she’s not convinced.

Ardvack tells the woman everything - the dinner with the Captain, the attack, everything. She thanks us for keeping us all safe. Tarragon asks about her devotions. What exactly are they?

She’s hoping to join the avowed, so she prays to the gods before bed. Which gods? Gond, god of Knowledge, says the elf. "Umberlee? I’m just asking." She shoots Tarragon a look. Perhaps Sylvanus, god of wild places, she admits.

Kessler and Melaina investigate her room. Bad rolls, but they figure out which one it is. They notice some sort of magic coming from one of the remaining rooms. Kessler makes an Arcana check - it’s the Alarm spell. The woman will know, the moment they go into the room. If only someone had Dispel Magic… (Tarragon does, but not prepared.)

If they can get us to keep her in the room with us, Kessler can run in and out and be done by the time she gets down there? Melaina says she can say there was trouble and the Captain ordered us to search all the rooms? That way we can see her reaction as well.

Melaina goes up to the Captain’s quarters, and Kessler summons her clockwork beholder. Melaina announces to us and Aenwyn that the Captain has ordered the rooms be searched and we are all to stay where we are. The woman says she doesn’t want people poking in her things. She wants to go and watch - Melaina argues. Aenwyn, smiling dangerously: “Step aside.”

Melaina: “Shan’t.”

Kessler has her beholder open the door. There is sand on the floor with a pattern drawn in it. Kessler copies it. She rolls a History check - the symbol for Umberlee is in the middle. (Me, OOC: “Fucking called it!”) She rolls Investigation - 31. There are no clothes in the room; she seems to only have what she’s wearing. The bed doesn’t look slept in, and there are no personal possessions. Kessler heads up to the Captain’s quarters.

With us, we see fury flash across her face when Kessler crossed into her room - she disappears into a mist. Ahleqs makes an Arcana check with ToC - (“Sorry in advance if I blow you all up”) She has cast Misty Step. She can only teleport to a place she can see though; Ahleqs casts Fly on a random creature. It turns out to be Gideon. “That’s a freebie, Gideon!”

We rush to the windows - Tarragon sees something outside and tries Entangle, but it doesn’t work. (The DM very graciously allows me my spell slot back.) We hear cries on deck. Ardvack looks nervous at the prospect of going on deck; Tarragon looks down her nose at him before she rushes out of the room and up the stairs. (Duncan is briefly kidnapped by Cthulu, but is returned to us unharmed.)

We look out to the ocean where we saw the elf; she is swimming in the water. She shimmers and changes into a Cecaelia. We’ve seen one of these before - the figurehead of the Buxom Bitch.

We are told we are interfering with something we don’t understand; we will look back on this day and wish we had drowned. (Woah.) Kessler immediately fires at her - nat 20. Poke in the belly: Triple damage, yeah. We all make Perception checks (Tarragon: natty 20). Ahleqs, Tarragon, Charity all see a shadow of something dark and very large rising toward the surface of the water. Ardvack immediately runs to the mast and clings on to it in terror.

It’s moving underwater at quite a clip - it leaps out of the water and lands on the deck. It’s only a fucking Hydra…

Carl (yes, Carl) shouts for everyone to get below decks. The normal crew look to the bosun for permission - it is granted.

We roll initiative, and most of us start planning our new characters…

Ahleqs is up first. “I scream, obviously…” He does Eldritch Blast - 23 hits, 14 doesn’t. “7 Force damage. Fear my Force damage.” Then he tactically repositions away from the action. The elf lady has taken Kessler’s bolt and dived below the waves.

Tarragon Moonbeams it, careful to avoid Ardvack who managed to position himself right under where the hydra landed. She could move away, but decides not to.

Grease Wizard casts Scorching Ray. 16 hits, as does nat 20 for 11 Fire damage total. Max damage, and the target has Disadvantage on saving throws against your spells for 2d4 (2) rounds. Muahahahah!

Melaina - if she were to go here, could she hide behind the stuff? She would be at Disadvantage to hide because the creature is Huge, and towers above us all. It’s in melee with Charity, though…? There’s some confusion about hiding and sneak attack; she rolls 15 stealth and is fairly sure one of the heads is still watching her. She attacks without Advantage. “Shall I do Sharpshooter? My personality style says always gamble.” She rolls a 14 which misses.

Kessler: “Rargh, I’ve taken bigger!” and she punches it with her Thunder Gauntlets. (Matthew OOC: “Poor choice of phrase, there.”) 17 hits for 12 damage, then a 12 to hit, which doesn’t. It’s at disadvantage to attack anyone who isn’t Kessler. Me, OOC: “You might live to regret that. Not for very long, though.”

It fails its save vs Moonbeam and takes ten damage. It does a multi attack on Kessler, one with each head. She casts Shield and only one of the five attacks hits - a 25. 9 piercing damage.

Ardvack is up. He is in the foetal position, Matthew tells us. He rolls, still in foetal position, remaining in melee range. He’s just being small and non-aggressive at it. That’s it, that’s his turn.

Carl’s turn - he runs straight forward and smacks it. He has the sense, thanks to a good Intelligence check, to avoid the Moonbeam. He does a slam attack but misses, so he can’t grapple it. Matthew is hugely disappointed that Carl isn’t riding the thing like it’s an oceanic rodeo.

Ahleqs casts Shatter with Tides of Chaos, and it takes 16 Thunder damage. “And it is sad.” He grows a beard of feathers.

Tarragon moves forward to Healing Word Ardvack, glaring at him the whole time. (He doesn’t notice.) Then she Thorn Whips the hydra for 9 piercing damage.

Gideon wants to do something to take advantage of the fact that the Hydra has disadvantage versus his spells, but can’t find a good one that won’t instantly kill everyone on deck. He goes for Ray of Enfeeblement. 18 to hit! It now only deals half damage with attacks that use STR. It can make saves to end the spell on its turn, but it’ll do that at Disadvantage for two rounds. Woo!

Melaina tries to hide again; she rolls a 13. Abandoning Sharpshooter, she decides to “just try and shoot it normal”. 14 to hit, which misses. She’s panicking; we all are. It has a lot of heads.

Kessler uses a thing to give herself 7 temporary HP, then goes for some punching. 11 misses, but 16 hits. 8 Thunder damage, not bad.

It fails its save against Moonbeam and takes 14 damage. A head shrivels and drops off - Tarragon does a happy dance - and two more appear in its place. “Aw, fuck.” She takes back the happy dance. Also, its wounds start to close a bit.

Duncan, OOC: “Boooooooh!”

It bites at Kessler again. 21 hits, as does 20. 21 damage total, but it’s halved to ten because of Ray of Enfeeblement. Then it natty 20s her - straight damage. (crit=double, Enfeeblement=half, cancelling each other.) Distracting jab. Triple damage, and the target must make a DC14 CON save. On fail, the target has Disadvantage on attacks for 1d4+1 rounds (3).

Duncan, OOC: “We’ll have to send off for a new goblin.”

There’s some complicated maths; at the end of it, she takes 23 damage. Is she still up? Yes, but only just.

Gideon: “You’re welcome, Goblin!”

Charity is still in the foetal position. Tarragon, angrily: “Get up, you coward!”

He’s near the stairs; he wants to do the worm down them. He’s going to try and drain it of its life force. In a vampiric sort of fashion - "I mean, in a godly cleric sort of fashion." 14 is a miss. (DM: “You can keep your nasty necroticses fingers to yourself.”) As he reaches out to do that, one of the heads spots him; he pretends he was just going to pat it. He stands up for his execution.

He makes an Insight check as a free action - a 17. As the heads turn and move independently, he realises that even if its engaged with something else, it would still be able to Attack of Opportunity him were he to make a break for it. He Shilelelfghsjslgdlhlbllhhs as a Bonus Action.

(If Ahleqs were to jump overboard, would swimming ashore be a viable option? We are still quite close to shore… Melaina: “And I definitely wouldn’t shoot you in the back.” Ahleqs decides to stay on board for now.)

What would Carlos like to do? Carlos will beat it with his fists. "Punchin’! Punchin’ really hard!" 22 hits for 8 Bludgeoning, and he makes a grapple attempt on one of the necks. Contested STR checks - Carl rolls a 17, and the hydra rolls 25. Matthew, OOC: “… It is not grappled.”

DM: “Ahleqs!”

Ahleqs: “…Noooooo…” He positions himself literally as far away as he can get. He casts Firebolt, using Tides of Chaos, but double 14s miss. 19 on Tides - he casts Grease on himself. Goes beautifully with the feather beard, and he’s now tarred and feathered. “Gideon, did I do it right?”

Tarragon Cure Woundses Kessler and Thorn Whips the hydra. Then she moves away - incurring an opportunity attack from ALL SIX HEADS. “No, I already said it, go ahead.” Four of the attacks hit, and even though its damage is halved, Tarragon takes 26 damage.

Gideon does Aganazzar’s Scorcher - it fails its save. Sophie, OOC: “You lose.” It takes 12 Fire damage. When that hits, it takes off a head - the flames cauterise the stump and the heads don’t regrow. Gideon, turning to yell at the rest of us: “Kill it with fire!”

Melaina does Chromatic Orb and makes it Fire damage. 22 hits, for “17 fire damage, please!”

Kessler bonus-action-defensive shields for 7 temporary HP, then punches it again. 15 just hits, for 9 Thunder damage. Second punch is a 17 which also hits for 10 Thunder damage. “Come on then, you multi-headed bastard!”

The Captain appears - he takes one look at the Hydra and looks furious. He rolls a 4 for his initiative.

The Hydra repeats its save - and succeeds. Except it doesn’t have to make the save, because Tarragon had to make CON saves for concentration when it attacked her, and failed. Well, shit.

Now that it’s spotted Ardvack, it takes some attacks on him. One hits, one misses. He takes 11 piercing damage. It goes for two bites against Kessler - a 23 and an 11 - "I will let the 23 hit me - " and 21 to hit beloved, cherished Carl. Matthew, hopefully: "With his 9 AC, 21 doesn’t actually hit him?" (Yes. Yes it does.)

We all see a hydra’s head bite Carl - it instantly lets go, looking disgusted.

Charity’s turn. If he moves away it’ll kill him. If he hits it, it’ll kill him. Tricky decision to make, here. He hits it with Green Flame Blade, and Sheldjksdgjsdlalsjlghh. 9 to hitsies! Awww…

Carl makes a slam attack and hits, punching it in the bum for 4.

There is a long pause while Joe decides what Captain Sleepy is doing. He charges it, because Joe can’t be bothered to read all his combat manoeuvres. Charity’s on the opposite side, right? Then it is flanked! Beckett rolls at Advantage - an 8 and a 9. Second attack he gets a 25 though, so not all bad. Only 5 damage though, so mostly bad.

Ahleqs casts Firebolt again with Tides of Chaos - 17 to hit! and 13 Fire damage. He fails his save and falls over in his own Grease.

Tarragon Healing Word’s Ardvack again (against her own better judgement) and Thorn Whips the hydra.

Gideon will try a Magic Missile - 4 Force damage, then two and another two. The Hydra is looking bloodied, nice.

Melaina has a go at shooting it now that there are quite a few people in melee with it so she can have her Sneak attack. She has a go at hiding; “Why not.” She rolls a 13, but a 21 to hit! “Ah, finally!” She rolls nat 1 on her Sharpshooter damage, but 13 for her bow. That still comes out to 35 damage though. Two more heads are gone, and do not grow back. It now only has two remaining.

Kessler goes Thunder Gauntlets again - a miss, and another miss. Well. She slams a potion for her bonus action. Also, the hydra doesn’t have disadvantage now, because she hasn’t hit it.

The hydra makes a break for it - a bunch of us get Opportunity attacks. Carl, Tarragon and the Captain land hits on it. Carl does “Maximum bum-punching damage!”

It flips into the sea and dives, smearing a dark stain of ichorous blood across the deck as it goes. The Captain looks at all of us, delighted with the job we’ve done saving his ship.

We hear thunder from the sky even though there is not a cloud in sight, and the elf bitch has disappeared. We have driven them away, yay! The rest of the journey should hopefully be less eventful.

Even though the goddess Umberlee is evil, her temples are tolerated in most cities and most sailors at least try to appease her before they sail. We can have a long rest and change out spells if we want; the crew will wake us if we are needed. We’re four days into our journey at the moment, so we should be another four days before we get to Baldur’s Gate.

Some of us can make History or Nature checks; Tarragon and Ahleqs both know the path to get to Candlekeep is the southern end of the coast way which is part of the Tradeway. It goes on to join the Lionsway. The bit we would travel on if we go by road should be quite safe.

We still didn’t find out who the ‘honoured one’ was - maybe the elf with all the pseudopods?

Joe is away next week as he’s off to stay with Laura and Damo. Also, Meemoo has brought Sophie and Matthew a monster moth.

#dnd #thetradeway #campaign diary

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fucknofortunato · 7 years

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[Writing Prompt] My Fantasy Fantasy pt 2

Prompt: You have suddenly been inserted as one of the characters in the Lord of the Rings series. Who are you and do you change anything about how your character acted in the books or movies? Note: Split this into parts because the story is getting pretty long

“Hey, you falling asleep on us, old man?” jested a voice loudly.

Vandrew’s eyes shot open and suddenly he was incredibly ill. The room had changed completely and looked so much older yet incredible fresh. Large wooden logs lined the walls and weapons, animals, and crafts hung upon them. The silence of sleep and the steady crackling of the fireplace was turned into the roaring of a flame nearby and the copious sounds of people talking and moving. The chair was gone and he was seated upon a small bench by himself, but across from him sat two men. The sounds of chains clinking together rang heavily across the room and somewhat from himself as he sat up. The smell of an old living room was replaced with the smells of tobacco smoke, beer, meats, and sweat.

“What...what the hell...” he barely choked out in his disorientation. The room spun around him and he staggered to his feet. His long greyish blonde hair hung in his face as he did so, another shock to the man who had brown hair cut short before he fell asleep. His arm shot out to grab the table and the two men tensed up, wondering whether or not he needed help.

“I...I can’t...what’s....” Vandrew choked out.

“How much did you have to drink? You can sleep more, friend!” called the voice that had awakened him. The man with long black hair had said it. Trying to focus his vision, Vandrew pulled his hair aside and took a good look. The man had stubble around his face, a hard jaw, and was wearing...armor. Leather or some sort, studded with metal maybe. It was like what he would have seen in an old Dragon Slayers role playing book.

Vandrew muttered some more things before stumbling through a crowd, trying to find a way out. Through some sort of luck, he stumbled out the front door and collapsed onto his hands and knees on the muddy path. Crawling a bit to turn himself, he brought himself over to a trough, leaned upon it, and proceeded to vomit behind it.

“This has to be a dream, it has to be a dream,” he kept repeating, eyes starting to tear up. The smells were awful. Horses and vomit upon lord knows what else. Looking around he saw the horses tied to a post. Their manes shown in the moonlight, large specimens with crude saddles. Turning his gaze skyward, he saw the night sky ablaze with stars and a moon.

“Oh god,” he said to himself as he scanned the sky feverishly. “Where is it, where is it!” he continued to rave while staring above, past the dark clouds that loomed and passed with the winds.

“Where is what?” spoke the black-haired man.

Startled, Vandrew turned back to him, “Orion’s belt! It’s the only constellation I know! I can always find it, where is he, where is he!?”

The black-haired man looked incredibly unwell now. “Was your drink poisoned? Did someone do this to you?”

“This is not my sky...” he spoke solemnly. Gripping his head, he felt not the skin he expected by the worn material of armored glove. Pulling his hand back, he turned it over and looked at it. Vandrew was wearing armor similar to the man with the black hair, but his was of dark red while the man’s was dark blue. More importantly, he noticed he was wearing a sword on his waist. The sword from the wall.

“Vandrew, I too miss our homeland. The dark army of Vilov Erlord stole our home and has ruined what the ancestors left for our claims. This group of fellows is what will return her to glory and purge her of that Ork scum.”

This...is so familiar... Vandrew thought as he stood up. “Uh...” Think! You have to get a grip of yourself and figure out what’s going on! “Well I think that’s enough ‘horsing’ around. Let’s return to our friends for the ‘mane’ event!” he awkwardly joked, forcing a smile.

The black-haired man gave him a peculiar stare but went along with it. “I don’t understand what you mean entirely, but yes, let us return inside, brother.”

Oh crap, he’s my brother?! Is that how he knew my name? Vandrew’s mind wandered as they went back inside the tavern, immediately hit by the wave of heat from fire and bodies. This is just an incredibly vivid dream. I’m back in the mansion and I’ve just gotta reach the endpoint to wake up. Those weapons must have brought back memories of playing Dragon Slayers and rolling dice til the morning came.

Back at the table, he saw the other man was truly an elder and quite weird. The man was a little taller than Vandrew and had silver hair running past his shoulders, unlike Vandrew and the black-haired man’s length. Equipped with the large staff from the top shelf, held as if it was a walking stick, he was dressed in grey robes with a pointy wizard-like hat on his head, the tip drooping ever so slightly. Vandrew looked back and saw the black-haired man was carrying the sword he didn’t choose from the rack.

“It appears the cup was not tampered with and I detect no poisons were in his drink,” spoke the elder with a majestic tone. Truly, he sounded incredibly wise. “I’m just not feeling too well...” he said, barely keeping eye contact with the man. The elder’s gaze seemed to continue to pierce, unwavering. “Well?” “What?” “Won’t you use my name, Vandrew?”

Vandrew was so shaken, he began to actually shake. What were they going to do to him when they find out that he isn’t actually the brother they thought? There had to be a plan, some kind of plan. Maybe a check for bluffing. Or perhaps...

“I really think we should be going now! We have a journey to make, Dangalf!” exclaimed a tiny man, who seemed to have the size of a child but the proportions of a young man. When he saw the golden bracelet gleam, it suddenly hit him. A halfling!

“Oh my god!” Vandrew suddenly bursted out, forgetting to even replace the word god with got. “Mico Guffootin and Dangalf!” “My, Vandrew has had quite some to drink hasn’t he?” asked Guffootin. “The Fellows of the Charmkeeper!” he said, beginning to laugh.

Dangalf eyed him suspiciously, “It appears to be his mind is afflicted. I’m afraid he must be under some kind of curse.”

“Yes! That’s gotta be it!” he spoke, finally feeling comfortable that this had to be a dream-like situation. It was going on for far too long and soon he would wake, but in the meantime, he would make the best out of it. Vandrew was clearly juxtaposed into the infamous movie trilogy Fellows of the Charmkeeper. A fantasy film based upon the written works of the same name. He took a deep breath and sat on the bench.

“Oh my, I’ve never seen him so cheery,” spoke Guffootin. “My brother of the humans,” spoke the black-haired man. “Look I’m sorry but this curse, it’s affected my memory. I can’t remember anything since you woke me up,” Vandrew explained. “Yes, and being around the Lord Charm must be weakening the curse,” Dangalf said motioning to Guffootin’s bracelet.

The bracelet hung on Guffootin’s left wrist, harmless at first glance but a relic capable of twisting the minds of those who dare venture near it. The worst is when the relic is activated by moving it up the wrist, for when it is snug upon the arm of a charmkeeper, they vanish into the ethereal plane.

“Where are the other fellows...” Vandrew said, scanning through the sprawl of customers now. He had not seen the movies but he had read about some of them and seen a bit every now and then. While he wouldn’t know what they looked like, he now realized why the weapons on the wall were familiar.

As he pointed to each person, Dangalf said their names: “Lastlego and Pow Urhouse,” pointing at the bow wielding elf and the battleaxe wielding dwarf, currently engaged in a drinking contest. “Pipes, Happy, and Wamsize,” pointing at the three halflings doing a jig and singing some sort of drinking song, while daggers dangled from their belts. “Dangalf, Guffootin, and,” he said as Vandrew began pointing to those at the table, “Aaron.” Vandrew made a face of blank expression, to which Aaron tilted his head a little confused.

“Well, I’m happy that’s all said and done, but we should get going!” Guffootin pressed once more. “Very well, let’s gather the Fellows,” returned Dangalf. Aaron grabbed Vandrew’s arm as he stood, “Are you sure, you’re all right, brother?” “Uh yeah. Are you sure we’re brothers though?” Vandrew asked, slightly recalling something about Aaron’s character being a little more than human. He’s actually pretty old, right? “Haha, still you jest as with your queer word games!” ”Hey, I don’t think it’s cool to say that. You can just call them bad,” Vandrew corrected. “We are merely brother in arms, I mean.” “Yeah... alright.”

Vandrew smiled and then walked away as Dangalf and Guffootin gathered the others. Finding a mirror, he gazed into it, shocked to see another person staring back. Recognizing him, suddenly he felt a great amount of dread.

“Oh shoot! I know that actor! He dies in like every film,” he said, started to trail off with the grim realization of what lies ahead.

Looking around he saw the drinking contest end with the dwarf collapsing. “Oh hey, I remember that,” he said with a laugh. His joy was cut short by a great confusion. “But if they’re drinking, then that means... I died already?” Turning back around he looked at the four halflings reunited. “This isn’t right, things didn’t happen like thi-” an incredibly sharp pain ripped through his stomach and he fell to the floor. The floor gave way and he fell further into darkness, continually drifting below. Turning and reeling with pain, his abdomen seemed to scream out as his own voice failed to do so. Reaching forward he clutched at the nothing until he violently hit a soft pillow-y material. His hands shot forward, throwing around blankets. The bright lights blinded him and he struggled and turned.

“Calm thyself, Vandrew!” called forth an elf besides the bed. “Wh-what is happening...” he whimpered. “You’ve suffered a serious wound from one of the Phantom Riders,” spoke the elf as he removed the bandages. “Phantom Riders... those guys looked bad ass in the trailers...” Vandrew prattled as he looked down at his stomach, blonde hair in the way. “Oh god,” Vandrew said to himself as he realized the horrible situation. “My dream was a dream, but it was no dream within a dream... I’m... The Fellows... I’m Morebear...” “Morebear?” the elf asked quizzically. “The name sounds familiar,” he said as he applied new bandages. “Your name is Vandrew, is it not?” Dangalf asked.

Vandrew looked up, the image of Dangalf standing over the bed. How he failed to recognize this iconic character before still eluded him. The elf finished applying the bandages and Vandrew sat forward.

“Yes,” he spoke looking around at the surroundings: Elf Highgrounds. “I’m afraid the blade has afflicted your mind with a curse, but hopefully being around the Charmkeeper will stave the curse,” he said with a sly smile. “Do...do you know more than you’re letting on?” asked Vandrew. “Of course not, Morebe-” he said stopping himself. “Apologies. Vandrew. Let’s get ready to go now, us Fellows need to make a journey.” “Yeah...a real ring toss,” he muttered, yet he still heard Dangalf chuckle.

#writing prompt #lord of the rings #parody #Forty writes

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