#After posting notices online etc I was sitting around and thought to myself something kinda dumb | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

spookywitch13 · 3 years

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I am here for you

Secret Santa gift for @jellyfishdodraw! Also for the Duskwood Secret Santa page @christmaswithduskwood

It's based on the AU of MC being strong in front of others until Jake asks. This is placed somewhere in episode 5 partly 6. It is based on the aftermath of the video that Lilly uploaded. This is Fem!MC x Jake. It's not canon compliant since this definitely didn’t happen. Also I will fully admit I am not the best writer but I hope you enjoy it. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Hate comment

Death threat

Hate comment

Death threat

The comments and responses to the video that Lilly posted just keep coming in. Even after the video is removed they keep coming in on text messages, facebook posts, instagram messages, etc. I can’t seem to escape them. But I can’t let the others know about this because Jessy and possibly Jake would definitely try to kick Lilly’s ass. I scrub my hands against my face and get back to decoding the cloud storage.

*Jessy is Online*

Jessy: Hey MC!

MC: Hey

Jessy: How are you doing?

MC: I’m doing pretty well just looking for more clues. :)

Jessy: That’s good just try to take care of yourself as well and ignore that stupid video. Lilly is just trying to stir up trouble.

MC: Way ahead of you.

Jessy: Ok that’s good just try to keep a positive mindset! You can always talk to me if you need to. <3 :)

Jessy: Oops got to get back to work we’ll talk later.

*Jessy is Offline*

I set my phone down as more notifications of comments and threats keep pouring in. Sighing I stare out my window dejected as my phone keeps pinging. Getting up and stretching my back I trudge into the kitchen intent on making myself some tea or other hot beverage. Something to comfort me as the messages keep piling in.

*Jake’s Pov

“Ok I seem to be getting on the right track now, all I can do for now is let the program run and see what it finds.” I mutter to myself as I lean back from my computer. Running my hands through my hair I stare tiredly at the computer screen. “I wonder if MC is still up.”

Grabbing my phone I look to see if I have any new messages from her. Spotting a new message from a number that I don’t recognize I open it up.

Unknown: You two are absolutely SCUM of the Earth. HOW COULD YOU HURT THAT WOMAN!! I hope you both ROT in HELL for what you did!! Do you have no compassion for anyone?? What you two did was DEPLORABLE AND I HOPE YOU BOTH GET WHAT YOU DESERVE!!

“Awesome, gotta love the people I get messages from,” I mutter, “Lilly why on earth did you think that video was a good idea.”

A sudden thought comes to my mind. Lilly didn’t just post my number she also posted MC’s number. Worry grabs at me as I glance at MC’s contact information. I don’t want to break her trust by looking at her messages without her permission but I also want to make sure that she isn’t getting messages like this. I’ll talk to her first.

*Jake is Online*

Jake: Hey, how are you?

*MC is Online*

MC: I’m good, how about you?

Ok maybe she isn’t getting the same messages as me. That’s good, I’ll gladly take the brunt of this to keep her safe and happy. Some people can get really aggressive with this kind of accusation flying around. The worry starts to ebb out of my body.

Jake: I’m alright, I just wanted to check in with you while I have some time. :)

MC: Can’t keep me off your mind? ;)

MC: I’ve been just working on the cloud

Jake: Haha you can always make me smile. :)

*ping*

I glance away from the chat to see that I’m getting notified about a private conversation between MC and an unknown person. I freeze as part of the unknown sender’s message flashes across my phone screen. It’s a death threat. Fury and worry race through me as I click on the messages.

*Spymode: MC and Unknown*

Unknown: I’ll find you and rip your head off if you don’t let that woman go back to her family!! How could you as a HUMAN BEING do this to another human being!!

Unknown: We should just kidnap you to make you fear for your life like you are making this poor woman feel. You better watch yourself.

I watch as the messages just keep coming not just from this person but others. Hate comments and death threats from random strangers on the internet who have no idea what is actually going on. Concern fills my chest as I quickly realise that MC has been getting way more than me. Going back to my conversation with MC I realise that she’s been dealing with this without mentioning it to anyone.

MC: I’m feeling pretty drained today but I’m hoping to get a new file from Hannah’s cloud soon.

Jake: Ok just don’t overwork yourself, afterall where would I be without my partner in crime. ;)

MC: Haha good thing we’ll never know the answer to that.

MC: I’m gonna head to bed, have a goodnight Jake I hope you have a good night’s sleep.

Jake: Goodnight MC. Sweet dreams. :)

*MC is Offline*

*Jake is Offline*

“Time to get another pot of coffee going, I’ve got some work to do regarding these messages.” I mutter darkly as I glare at the unknown senders. No one is going to hurt MC and get away with it, not with me here. Time to put my skills to good use.

Grabbing a new cup of coffee I get to work on making sure that these people can’t reach her anymore on any platform that she’s a part of.

*MC’s Pov-The next day

Sun shines through my window waking me up. Ignoring my phone for a little bit I work on getting myself a cup of coffee. New day hopefully with no new messages. I gingerly grab my phone and take a deep breath.

“Ok time to face the music.” I mutter, turning it on and quickly glancing at the screen.

NO NEW MESSAGES

“Oh thank goodness I get to have a little bit of good morning,” I say as I sip my coffee. Scrolling through my messages I quickly notice that all the hate messages and death threats are gone.

RING!

My phone suddenly rings causing me to almost throw it in surprise. I really need to turn that ringer down. Glancing at the screen I notice Jake’s icon pop up as an incoming call. I quickly press answer and move to sit down on my couch.

“Hey Jake.” I say as the call connects through.

“Why didn’t you mention it? Why didn’t you say that you were getting hate and death threats from Lilly’s video?” His voice filters through still distorted through whatever audio thing he uses.

“I didn’t want to worry you guys and I didn’t think it was that important.” I comment quietly as I begin putting the pieces together.

“It’s important to me!” He doesn’t quite yell it but it’s almost a yell. “I could’ve set the software up earlier and you wouldn’t have had to go through all that.”

“I didn’t want to add more to your plate, you are already really busy plus it wasn’t that big of a deal.” I say tightly trying to hold back the overwhelming flow of emotions as the last couple of days begin to catch up to me.

“MC, I don’t care if I’m busy. Yes I want to find Hannah as quickly as possible but I also want to make sure that you are safe as well. I care about you and your wellbeing more than I could ever care about the amount of work I’m going through,” He says gently.

Hearing him say that is the final straw, all the stress and fear from the last couple of days breaks free and I just start crying on the phone. It’s definitely not a pretty cry I can barely speak as Jake tries to console me over the phone. I hear a knock on my front door as I try to get my crying under control.

“MC please open the door,” He says.

I get to my feet and stumble to the front door opening it with my phone still against my ear. Standing in front of my door is a man with a black hoodie, who's holding his phone to his ear.

“Hey MC.” He says gently and ends the phone call. “I can’t stay too long but I wanted to make sure you were doing alright.”

I move aside to let him in and close my door. Putting my phone down I turn to him. He kinda blushes and scratches the back of his neck.

“Sorry I know I should have messaged you ahead of time to let you know that I was coming but I didn’t want to risk it with everything going on.” He says averting his eyes in embarrassment. “Do you want a hug?”

Nodding I wrap my arms around his midsection pressing my face into his shoulder as I sob letting out all the turmoil within me. He gently rubs my back comfortingly.

“It’ll be ok, don’t worry MC. I’ve got you let it all out.” He whispers into my hair as he continues to hold me. We stay like this for a little bit before I finally start to calm down.

Even though I stopped crying Jake hasn’t let go of me, in fact he's holding me tighter. I clear my throat and step back a little bit. Now that I’ve let everything out I’m just feeling drained. He gently guides me to the couch and we sit together on it.

“How long are you going to be able to stay?” I ask quietly, my throat still raw from crying.

“A couple of hours at most but I don’t want to risk it too much.” He says as he wraps his arms around me again pulling me towards him. I’m positioned in a way that makes it so that I am leaning against him with my head over his heart. “No matter what happens I want you to know that I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe.”

I nod tiredly as the emotional release drains me of all the energy I had. I close my eyes and listen to the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat in my ear. His hand is still rubbing my back gently. Even though I’ve never met this guy in person before with all the texting we’ve been doing I still feel comfortable around him.

Even though I know he’ll be gone soon I’m gonna enjoy this moment for as long as I can. I start to drift off slightly when I feel him press a gentle kiss to my head. I know that we still have a lot of things to do but this moment will be forever imprinted in my memories.

The End

Again I really hope you like your gift! Happy Holidays!!

-SpookyWitch13

#Duskwood #SecretSanta #Jake #mc #Jessy #i hope you like it

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phalloplastyaustralia · 5 years

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8.5 weeks post op

Check up today with Gooseman at 8.5 weeks post-op RFF phalloplasty. He was super impressed with how my arm is healing. Everything else is healing well for the most part, besides a few little things. The scar on the underside of my penis has been pretty tight, particularly towards the base. I’ve been aware of this for weeks and have been massaging it with vitamin e and using silicone gel on it, which he wants me to continue doing. He said that the scar around the actual base of my penis is tight as well, which I truly hadn’t given much thought to and assumed it was normal, but that’s because I only have my only experience to base it off, where as he has everyone elses to compare to. He said that the tightness is causing it all to ‘sit a bit high’, which I assume was in reference to my junk that still sits below my penis, including my existing penis. This means that when he pulls my penis up and towards my abdomen, it pulls a lot on my existing penis. This is uncomfortable, BUT it works in my favour when it comes to wanking - I can basically tug gently on my penis and it’s enough to achieve orgasm. At present I will usually alternate between this and stimulating my existing dick, but I do believe I could achieve orgasm by tugging only on my dick, but I’ve still been a bit too anxious to do this, purely due to not wanting to compromise any of the healing process/long-term aesthetic outcome.

My primary concern has been about narrowing at the base, which has consumed a lot of my time the last few weeks. It’s certainly not overly noticeable or significant, but when you’ve forked out as much as I have on a penis, you’ll nitpick the tiniest things. Goossen thinks that the tightening of the incision could be contributing to this, but did acknowledge that I am “less full” and “a bit flatter” at the base, but he’s not concerned about it. Classic. He said that once everything is sitting properly (with implants), as well as when erect, it won’t be an issue. He also mentioned something about the tightness at the base contributing to this? But I don’t remember the specifics.

He appeared very impressed with where my sensation is at. I had convinced myself that I read somewhere that left donor would result in more sensitivity on the right side, and vice versa. Then I was told that the hook up is done on the left and that I would likely experience more sensation on the left. I asked him about this today (whether the hook up was down on the left) and he didn’t confirm/deny this and explained how they try to hook as many nerves up, etc. and basically that there’s no rule of thumb for where you will or won’t experience certain sensations. He said that typically people will experience one side with more erotic than the other and more tactile on another side.

At present, I have extremely strong sensation on the right hand side, slightly less strong sensation down the left, about 1.5-2inches along the incision on the underside up from the base at a lesser intensity, and then fairly dull (by dull, I mean I need to apply significantly more pressure to feel the sensation and it’s not as intense) along the top of my penis until about half an inch of so from the tip, where I feel nothing. Along the right side, all I have to do is run my finger very lightly down the shaft to feel this. Along the left snd on the underside I have to apply slightly more pressure. On the top, I’ve experienced the sensation for a few weeks if I flick it, but within the last week I am starting to feel it more if I rub my finger rapidly on it with a little nit of pressure. This is all displaced sensation, which I feel in my existing penis. At present it’s not a pleasant, good, sexy time feeling, but will be once it settles. Currently it feels like someone is stabbing a pin into the head of my existing penis (which iis great if that’s your thing, but I find it unpleasant. However I always do it, as it’s nice being able to make that connection between my penis and my brain and feeling it as something that exists as a part of my body). At present, I have no tactile sensation. However due to the intensity of the sensation I do have, I am very aware if something hits my penis.

At this stage, I’m booked for February 6th 2020 for stage 2. I had the option of November 21st, but with how close it is to Christmas and the closure period for Goossen and his staff, I chose to push it back. If I were to experience and issues with the hookup, I would go home with an SPC over Christmas until he returns. And as ridiculous as it might sound to some, I really wanna be able to swim over the summer. This also gives me some additional time to recover from stage 1 and for any issues with the scar tightness to settle as much as possible. As well as get back in shape after my stage 1 sedentary life and subsequent weight gain, and save a bit of extra money. As much as I want stage 2 as soon as possible, I think that this is the most sensible thing to do for numerous reasons. I figure that I’ve waited this long, I’m sure I can wait an extra 2 months.

I’m back up to see him again at the end of September to check on everything again, and I presume I’ll head back up again early 2020 to check everything before we go ahead with stage 2.

I am also allowed to run now, provided that everything is “packed firmly” and “well supported”.

I have a little ‘bobble’ sorta thing at the end of one of the incisions on my butt, which has been rather tender and painful. Goossen said it could be a stitch or scar tissue, and if it doesn’t resolve itself by the time I have stage 2, he will revise it. Butt is still tender when seated for long periods and/or bad seating. Still some tightness in the backs of my legs, but nothing that is too bothersome.

My arm is hopefully on the homestretch. I’m still dressing it with MepitelOne, and will continue to do so until I’m fully healed and can switch to silicone sheets. The few little problem areas look like they have improved since Thursday when the dressings were last changed. Fingers crossed that when I go back to the hand therapist next week, I’ll either be healed enough to go dressing free, or very close to it. I try to touch it quite regularly over the top of the dressings (rubbing, patting, scratching, etc. to adjust to the sensation).

As a bit of a related sidebar, I kinda wanted to touch on the arm and the scarring, etc. The significance of the arm graft was something that I had a really hard time swallowing when I first looked at RFF a good decade or so ago. Despite being a weird body part to like, my forearms are probably the only part of my body I do like, and the thought of altering one of them so drastically always terrified me. Because most of the information about RFF has typically been out of the states, I had no idea that the donor site would be replaced with a full thickness from the butt until my consult (why the states haven’t caught up yet is beyond me, truly). Despite already having made the decision to have RFF, this was a game changer for me. And honestly, if I didn’t have tattoos that were compromised when the flap was lifted that make it very obvious that my arm has undergone a major surgical procedure, I don’t think the end result would bother me much at all. It sits SO FLUSH that once my wrist swelling goes down, it will be totally seamless. I know that the conspicuous scarring is a huge deterrent for a lot of people, and I very much understand that, but I think it’s important that people understand that what you see online from guys in the states is NOT what your arm will look like if you have surgery with Goossen. I’m not here to shame or make comments about peoples choices to pursue ALT, abdominal, meta or any other alternative procedure, but I think it’s important that people aren’t scared off by misinformation. This is not to say that guys who have had RFF in the states have lesser or subpar results as due to the use of the split thickness.

TLDR; healing well, few super minor relatively non-issue things that will hopefully sort themselves out, arm looks great, sensation is great, Dr Goossen is the love of my life, shoutout to the under appreciated but equally amazing and skilled Dr Ingram, life with a (bigger) penis is wild and worth every cent, stage 2 booked for Feb 6th 2020, don’t take everything you see on the internet as bible. Gravy.

#australia #phalloplasty #brisbane #dr goossen #ftm #lower surgery #forearm phalloplasty #dr hans goossen #bottom surgery #trans #phallo

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mysticsparklewings · 4 years

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Sweet Ohuhu Snail

This artwork is now available as a free Coloring Page!

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Finally, some hints of new supplies I was mentioning a while ago have manifested into a piece of art. :D

This is sort of a follow-up to my Ohuhu Brush Marker Review, as back in October, Ohuhu released a 72 set of the brush markers, and naturally, I was very curious to see the 24 new colors for myself. (And I have a bit of a story about how this set arrived to me that I'll get into momentarily.)

Spoiler alert that my thoughts on the markers themselves as a product haven't changed; they're still really nice alcohol markers for the roughly $1 per marker price tag. I'd still love to see yet more colors and additional consumer features like open-stock markers, refills, replacement nibs, etc. But overall, as I said last time and I will continue to say, I really wish these had been around a few years ago when I was first getting into alcohol markers, despite the few shortcomings they have. Aside from color selection (which I'll address further later), they're an excellent beginner alcohol marker set if you want brush tips.

But before I get into the specifics of this set and the foreseeable future (as Ohuhu just recently announced another brush tip set on the horizon), I shall tell you the (long-ish) story of how I ended up with the 72 set in the first place:

Back in November, Ohuhu put a post up in their "Top Fan Group" on Facebook, which I joined on a whim after being recognized as a Top Fan a few times by that point. This post said the following:

Hi Ohuhu Friends, Ohuhu.com is going to open the SHOP function to several products soon, so you can buy the products directly on www.ohuhu.com then. Before the shopping cart is officially public to the customers, we need 3-5 volunteers to help us test this SHOP function. 🗒️What we need are some inputs regarding How is your experience with our website, and Is the purchase process smooth? What problems have you encountered while shopping on the website etc？(We will have the conversation by DM.) 🚨The tester should be based within the continental USA. As a thank you, we will give you a free set of markers, just let us know which pack do you want via DM.📷 Thank you! Put your hands up if you would like to help us with this in the comment zone! (We will randomly choose 3-5 person within a week.)

[For context, previously you could only purchase Ohuhu's products through Amazon.com] Me, being both the frugally minded and skeptical person that I am, saw the post and immediately latched on to the "free set of markers" mentioned. (My instinct said it was probably a choice from a pre-selected list of some kind.) I was curious and figured, based on what was said, that 1. I might not even get chosen, 2. Even if I did, surely they would explain the process to me and I could then gracefully bow out if it didn't sound right to me. And so I cautiously commented as instructed. Within a few days, I was contacted by a representative and I found out through communication with them that the way this would work is that us volunteers would place orders through the website for any product, let them know of any issues or feedback we had during the process, and then once the order was placed we would provide the representative with our order number and be refunded. Likewise, if all did indeed go according to plan, this sounded like a great way to get my hands on the new 72 brush marker set, which previously I had figured I wouldn't get for a while as my 48 set has been serving me very well since August with no issues. (And it kinda didn't make sense to me to turn around and order a new set that would give me 48 duplicate colors so quickly.) I've seen a LOT of horror stories about shopping online, I watch too many "drama community" videos on Youtube that often talk about sketchy websites and scams, and so throughout this entire process I was nervous, saving "receipts" (screenshots and the like to the uninformed) where I could, and generally expecting something, anything to go horribly wrong at any second. Despite Ohuhu being a fairly reputable company at this point and having only ever heard good things about their customer service. Still, Ohuhu has made enough of a name for themselves that I hoped they'd know better than to intentionally scam their customers. If word got out to the many YouTubers covering their products, they'd have a PR nightmare on their hands. (And I also had to remind myself that the art community as a whole is not the Youtube Makeup Community; generally speaking, the art community isn't as...well, dramatic. At least not when it comes to art supply companies and scamming costumers. I'm not saying it never happens, I'm just saying I don't think it happens nearly as often as when shiz goes down in the YMC.) Naturally, this means I had some questions I wanted to be crystal clear about before making any purchases of any kind. Namely, I specifically asked to make sure I was reading correctly that once the order was placed and I gave my order number that I would be receiving a refund, and if said refund would be just for the purchase price of the product ($69.99 in this case) or if it would include the shipping cost (about $5-$6 dollars) as well. The answers to which were yes and the refund would be for the total cost including shipping. I also wanted to know approximately how long it would take for the refund to go through. The answer was within 5 days. So everything up to this point seemed to check out. I was still skeptical (this is what the internet has done to me) but I was 80% sure it would be okay, and the payment would be through PayPal, so if something went wrong I could file a claim over there and provide my evidence and hopefully at least get the money back if nothing else. I'll also note that I did notice 1-2 minor bugs on the website while in the checkout process, which I informed the representative of as I was supposed to, but I honestly wouldn't have noticed them if I hadn't been trying my best to really test the website and live up to my "job" in this situation. If I had just gone through the checkout process as I normally would have with no hesitation, I wouldn't have seen the bugs at all. I was genuinely surprised by how smooth and polished the website experience was; I was expecting much buggy/glitchier, considering that they were asking for test volunteers. And the two bugs I did notice were pretty minor things that really don't break or ruin the shopping experience. So I went through with the purchase, gave the representative my order number, and hoped for the best. I immediately received an order confirmation email that told me I'd be able to track the shipment within 1-3 business days. The order was placed late on a Thursday night, so I figured I wouldn't be hearing anything else until Monday at the very earliest. (As here in the States, Saturday and Sunday usually don't count as "business days") Much to my surprise though, that Sunday the representative I'd previously spoken with reached out to me asking if I'd been able to check out the tracking feature yet. So I explained that I'd gotten the confirmation email but no tracking email yet, and that I also didn't see a way to enter my order number on the website to track the order if I (as I had) checked out as a guest. (It did appear if I had made an account that the order number would've been saved to my account and I could've potentially tracked it that way.) But again, I hadn't expected anything until Monday, so I wasn't too concerned anyway. Sure enough, the next morning I had my tracking email and everything seemed to be in order; it even baffled me by saying the shipment was expected to arrive the very next day. I thought I was surely reading something wrong or maybe it needed a little while to re-calculate or something, but I kept an eye on and it didn't change its mind. And low and behold, it was a little later in the day, but the markers were indeed delivered that Tuesday! I eagerly got them open and gave them a good once-over just to make sure everything seemed right at first glance, as I knew to swatch them all out and get a more in-depth look was going to take at least a few hours. But I was quite relieved; we'd made it this far with no hiccups, now I just needed the refund to come through and we'd be right as rain. Miraculously, two days later the representative reached out to me yet again to tell me that the refund had been sent. And wouldn't you know it; the official PayPal email was sitting in my inbox waiting to tell me so! So in the end, things turned out pretty great. Ohuhu got their website tested, and I got my markers without a hitch. It did seem a little weird to me, the whole premise, but I assume they budgeted for this in the same way a company might do giveaways or budget for advertising, maybe even like some companies do for PR packages to influencers. And, realistically, it does kind of make sense that the best way to test your online shop (and by extension, in this case, the refund process) would be to have actual customers do it. Either way, it worked out well for me, so I can't really complain.

Once the markers arrived to me, I was very happy to see that Ohuhu is now including a colorless blender in their sets, in addition to the 48 or 72 colors. A colorless blender is one of the things that I said last time would've been nice to have (though not a necessity as you could easily go out and purchase say a Copic, Prismacolor, or another brand of Colorless Blender to compensate) and personally I love that it's 48 + the CB or 72 + CB, instead of counting the colorless blender as one of the colors you get, which is what I've most commonly seen other brands do. It's a small detail, but for some reason, I can't seem to get over it.

One of the things I was most curious about in swatching though was that, I assume as a response to me and many others that mentioned we wanted them, in the marketing for the 72 set Ohuhu seemed to really be trying to push that there were more pastel colors.

After actually having and swatching the markers for myself, I'd say about 7-8 of the colors are what I'd call true pastels. There are some beautiful new colors (R13 Clematis, in particular, might be my favorite Ohuhu color now and I LOVE the Green Grays they added) but there weren't as many pastels as I was hoping for, and personally I was hoping for some more pale pinks/peaches that would work well for lighter skin tones. Maybe some yellows since I felt we were kind of lacking those too.

And originally, I was a little...disappointed isn't totally accurate, but it's the best word I have.

However! I'm inclined to be a little more forgiving as just last week, Ohuhu announced they'd be releasing a 24-color skin tone set, which (although I'm withholding major judgment until I have the markers in-hand just like last time) is looking to hopefully be some of the pale pinks and light skin tone colors, maybe even a few yellows, that I was hoping for. We'll have to wait to see the colors in person, but using their digital swatches as a [very] rough guideline, the new colors look like they could be pretty promising.

The only thing I'm a little disappointed about at this point is that 5 of the skin tone colors will be duplicates, but at the same time, after seeing which colors are duplicates, it kind of makes sense just in case someone wants to buy the skin tones and doesn't have the 48 or 72 set, which I'm sure does happen. Just like I'm sure people buy, for example, the skin tone sets from Copic or Winsor and Newton to supplement other sets.

Still, though, this continues to support the idea to me that Ohuhu is really trying to listen to what fans of the brand are asking for; People asked for brush nibs and took a little while but we got them, we asked for pastel colors and they at least tried to address that, and now we've asked for skin tones and it looks like they're going to address that, too.

Naturally, after all of the above, I had to make some art to give the markers a go beyond swatching and to talk about all of this with you, my lovely Sparklers.

So I ended up drawing this cute little snail inspired by a picture I saw over on Pinterest.

I don't know if he thinks he's going to eat that berry or if he's just smelling it, or maybe he thinks it's just pretty (I used the aforementioned R13 in the shading for the berries), but it makes me happy to look at all the same.

Originally I had planned to try and only use the new colors to really show them off, and I did use a fair amount of them, but I felt just a little too limited so I did open up to the full 72 set. But I did use all only my new markers and not the markers from the 48 set I already had, so...

Maybe it's still fair?

I also tried some texturing on the...mushroom? branch? rock? he's sitting on, and while I don't think it looks the best close-up, from further away I think it worked out pretty well.

Similarly to the crab I drew for the 48 marker set though, I wanted a more interesting background than just plain white. After some consideration, I decided my best option would be to mix my green and yellow PanPastels. So I did.

Unfortunately, I exposed a couple of very noticeable fingerprints doing that and I ended up getting pastel dust all over the drawing so my black lines got greyed out a bit.

I fixed the fingerprints by adding some intentional ones for the sake of balance and in the name of visual texture, and I fixed the lines by going back over most of them and a little post-editing after I scanned the drawing in.

Other than that, my observations about the Ohuhu markers remain the same as last time. They blend and layer really nicely (especially, as I've observed recently is the case with most alcohol markers, with thicker paper) and the colors they do provide are really vibrant and fun.

I do still hope the new skin tone colors live up, that yet even more colors are coming, and I'll repeat that I'd still love to seem them add consumer comforts of being able to buy individual markers, refill inks, and replacement nibs. But all of that may come in time, and even so, I think they're very recommendable for alcohol markers.

I'm also really happy with how my little snail turned out just as an art piece; this whole thing is just really really cute to me.

Now I just have to wait with bated breath for the USA launch (they've already launched in Canada) of those skin tone markers and hope they're not too expensive so I can get them right away :P

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Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings

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talesfromacrip · 3 years

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popping off as they say:

ya wanna know some things that suck major ass? well, sit down and let me enlighten you

( a vent/rant post. mute or w.e but I’m gonna go off a bit )

—————

at this point, I feel like I’ll never get to go out and experience the world.

even when I’m feeling up to it or have too for appointments/shows, etc.

I could, but I’d be risking so fucking much and I hate that a lot. yet,some think it’s not a big deal when it kinda is??

like, I really wanna get the fuck out of this house, but it’s difficult nowadays. it makes me sick at times how some use their abled privileges to go out like nothing is even going the fuck on.

I feel like I’ll just be left here alone in my house till I leave this place with this shit going on. only relying on comments, pictures and silly dreams to get me by which ‘helps’ but it’s not enough

I’ll never be able to explore nature to its fullest and despite how negative I am towards it, I still enjoy it or would like too, without an issue occurring.

I’d need so many aides just to help me and people to watch me while I maneuver through.

can’t fly anywhere bc my only source of mobility would be damaged. can’t even drive.

it’s like traveling with an infant, can’t take me anywhere bc everything is essentially a danger. (an inaccessible one ._.)

plus, everything costs so much money nowadays which is something I can’t have much bc of my disability. love it, great, absolutely r a d!!

tired of missing out on so many opportunities though.

shows, little outings, appointments, vacations, fuck,anything essentially. everyone else gets to flaunt this privilege and it’s irritating bc I can’t interact as I’d like.

I’m literally getting cabin fever being in my own home.

which to some seems like a dream in my condition, when it’s a ‘nightmare’.

even when I do go out, the feeling is still 50/50 but we’ll see how that plays out more in the future

I’m so tired of advocating for disability options for the swancore community.

everyone is so fixated on members or how popular they’re posts are, etc. to give a rats ass about disabled fans.

just want them to be safe and experience a show without risk of getting sick, people standing in front of them, inaccessible venues with stairs, folks pushing them/their aides.

which, I guess is asking too much but I’ll continue even if I’m tired of it.

I enjoy this community so damn much but holy f u c k o-o

can’t stand folks nowadays flaunting their experiences when some haven’t at all or can’t bc of inaccessibility at these shows!! ridiculous

tired of dealing with arguments and yelling from my parents. constant instigating and just absolute chaos daily.

they’re good people but holy fuuuuck do they argue about some absolutely ridiculous shit sometimes.

I love them,but being stuck inside with them constantly is driving me insane.

I don’t feel welcomed in my home or anywhere with them tbh. I don’t get peace and quiet as one should.

I can’t go anywhere either and it’s just, irritating but I have to deal with bc they’re the only family I have.

only times I even get peace/time to myself without them constantly around, is when they both go to the store or do some errands together which is rareish bc they irritate one another at times or when we go to a show; which, who the fuck knows when that will be bc I’ve already missed 2 irl ones so far

no privacy whatsoever either so that’s fucked like, y’all realize why I’m getting cabin fever, which is a stupid thing thing to say but that’s what it is

I want to leave but I can’t and probably never will.

like, who is even gonna take care of me when my parents can’t anymore and all? I’m not going to a home and dealing with people I don’t know well at all.

when you can’t say something ya fave wants to hear or say anything to them that’s out of ordinary bc you don’t want to expose that you have feelings for them.

so, you just sit there in your silly little feelings and hide them yet again bc what’s the point?

can’t go anywhere much with them bc my chair is in the way. I’d be holding them back from so many experiences.-. can’t hug or hold hands or anything like that when I’d like too.

can’t help them when they need it or don’t bc I enjoy helping others more than myself tbh. I’m a homebody though and no one likes to be home it seems. not many wanna spend the day watching shit endlessly or playing games or experience an artist at work. some but it’s not enough bc there’s more to life than just, being stuck inside and all

tired of people thinking I’m this, sexless being bc I’m demi and disabled.

that I’m scared to talk about it or I’m just not interested at all, when I am.

like there have been times when I was more like that but ever since I realized I won’t be getting any procedures done to help me be independent, I just try and keep it to myself but it’s so hard.

don’t want to hookup though or do anything like that with someone I don’t know.

I want a nice relationship with someone I know well not someone I don’t at all.

I explained all this and more on my therapeutic blog thing but I guess no one cared which happens.

I’m sick of hiding these feelings, sick of this place , sick of it all

sick of waking up either sad, horny or just plain empty at times bc I can’t do anything, be with who I’d like.

just,feel even more horrible about myself bc I can’t do anything at all. I have to rely on others for the most simplistic tasks.. how am I going to be with someone , let alone the person I care about??

can’t satisfy them ,can’t even satisfy myself so why the fuck do I even bother??

I’m tired of these, weird vivid dreams of me at school with people I know online or me doing some activity I thought I’d never do like drive/swim/running with them or by myself.

sick of going places I’ve never been or have in the past which makes me want to leave so bad and I can’t.. idk if I ever even will tbh.

sick of having dreams outside of my house in general and then waking up to the same monotonous life.. makes me feel suicidal at times tbh.

I won’t do anything like that. the thoughts make sad as is so I just continue sitting in silence.

it’s getting hard to mask my moods nowadays and everything just makes me tired /annoyed.

tired of how the dreams tease me by making scenarios where I’m living with someone I care about but will never say anything too bc I ruin things when I open my mouth sometimes :))

like, how can I tell someone we had a whole ass family and sweet gushy moments that I cannot partake in bc I can’t move for fucking shit :)) makes for awkward conversation

also tired of being in another body that isn’t mine and looks better than mine..

just, everything I’ve wished since I’ve been ill and after..

better body with actual features and not the kind that make me look like a fuckin child, pretty and slim face, actual mobility with no pain interference..

these are things I started noticing as I got older and even as young child. knowing I can’t fix whats already done in the process too, fucks with my dysmorphia more..

I hate how I get to see his body dressed in fashion or styles I wish I could do but can’t .-. hair, makeup, accessories, clothes, shoes, tights.. you get it

tired of myself when I shouldn’t be but I am.. so much I wanna do and say and sometimes I can’t. it’s there but the words get stuck. I end up saying something different and just ruin the whole thing I feel

#therapy journal

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acealistair · 7 years

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lately i’ve been really wondering if i have adhd and/or add?? i keep seeing posts on here describing adhd habits/behaviors/symptoms and i really relate to a lot of them. but at the same time i also don’t relate to a lot of the main Things associated with adhd (”hyperactivity” is the big one), which is why i’ve never brought it up with a doctor or anything... i’ve looked up adhd stuff online but it’s all been pretty vague and i never leave an article with a definite “yes i definitely think i do/don’t have adhd”, or even feel like i have all that much knowledge on the subject

i’m gonna write my experiences down here under the cut to organize my thoughts, but if anyone has any insights on the matter they’d be welcome...

first of all, like i said above, i don’t really have “hyperactivity”, at least not how it’s usually defined? maybe? like, i don’t have problems with sitting down in one place for long periods of time. i never feel a need to get up and pace, run, or just move around in general; my mom always gets really concerned for me on plane rides because i forget to stand up and stretch my legs. however, i do fidget. occasionally i’ll bounce my legs, but mostly i pick at my face and do this thing where, if my nails are long enough, i dig my index finger nail into my thumb (it doesn’t hurt at all and it never harms me tho don’t worry). essentially, i feel the need to have my hands always doing something. the only time i can really think of when i don’t need my hands to be preoccupied is if i’m really engrossed in a movie, but even then it’s not a given.

i think i hyperfixate. i’ve always self-described myself as obsessive. i always have a Current Thing i’m super duper invested in while literally everything else in my life is put on the back burner, including school work -- a few weeks ago, it was researching my family geneology; back in the fall, it was mystic messenger, etc. the first one that i can really remember having was sonic the hedgehog back in like, second grade or so? but it could’ve been the lion king back when i was a toddler, bc my parents recall that it was like, the ONLY movie i would watch for quite a long time. the Current Things kinda cycle, and i have a few reoccurring ones (dragon age is a HUGE one that i know will come back soon), and i haven’t really noticed a pattern for time limits, they can be quick or long. i think right now i’m in a transition period, switching from geneology to working on my stardew valley mod. when something is my Current Thing, i feel like it’s all i want to talk about, even if my friends/family aren’t very interested, and my creativity goes off the charts for anything related to it and really dries up for anything not related to it. i can’t really control my Current Things, i’ll just get a gut-feeling urge to do something and then kinda just know “well, looks like i’m switching over to this now”.

maybe everyone kinda has these, but i feel it needs to be clarified: when i say “everything else in my life gets put on the back burner”, i mean it. the other day i spent literally the entire day (12+ hours) doing family research.

i’m HORRIBLE with schedules and time in general, but at the same time i like having defined plans. i hate it when i’m trying to set up a get-together with friends and they’re not specific about times -- however, i think this is mostly bc of how i was raised; my dad was really anal about that kind of stuff (he’d get annoyed if i didn’t tell him an exact time that a friend was coming over, for example). but i’m especially awful at gauging time; i usually seriously underestimate how much time something will take, and even knowing that i do this, continue to do so. i feel really bad about it. i usually run a few minutes late to just about everything unless i leave ridiculously early on purpose.

stemming from that, i feel like i can’t schedule myself. my dad (and many others) have suggested i make myself a schedule, allotting myself time for schoolwork and breaks, but i can’t do that because i know i won’t follow it. i can’t sit down to work on an assignment and then just stop once it hits whatever-o’clock. once i’m doing something, i get into a zone and have to keep doing it until i reach a natural point in which i feel i can stop. especially for tasks i don’t like doing. if i just cut myself off from a task i don’t enjoy, i know i’ll never pick it up again (or at least have an extremely difficult time doing so). if possible, i like to try and finish stuff i don’t like in one sitting.

and then that leads to the procrastination. i think a LOT about how i should be doing this and that, but never actually get around to doing it until the day before the due date, usually. but i experience twice the stress that would have come with just doing it beforehand, woohoo!

another thing is that i saw a post the other day that said something like “my life feels like a perpetual countdown until the next enjoyable thing: wait till 5 pm and then you get to have dinner, wait till noon and then you get to do X, etc” and someone commented saying that that was a symptom of adhd, and i definitely feel that big time.

sorry that’s all so dense. i’ll condense it here:

tl;dr my symptoms:

no restlessness/hyperactivity, but definitely fidgeting and need for hands-on activities

hyperfixations (i think)

terrible at gauging time (estimating how long something with take, for example)

unable to adhere to schedules when it comes to homework/breaks; i can’t tell myself “i’m going to do homework for 30 minutes” or whatever because i either won’t start at all or i won’t stop after 30 minutes

really bad procrastination, particularly for tasks i don’t like

i know that these all might just be symptoms of my depression and/or anxiety, but i felt like i’ve been relating to all these “adhd feel” posts too much to really ignore the possibility... i’ll bring it up to my therapist this week i guess? and i don’t even know what i would do if it turns out i do have adhd or add. but yeah.

#i really don't know all that much about adhd/add... so forgive me if i'm making any assumptions with these symptoms?#but yeah if any of you guys have adhd or add your input would be appreciated...

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side-eyeing-you · 7 years

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Okay, so here’s a recollection of the best day of my fandom life? #ECCC

I’m usually just here to make short, dumb, spazzy comments, so bear with me, because this will probably be long. However, I’ll try not to be too repetitive and remember the interesting parts. ;) Apologies if the pics are effing huge. I don’t do this posting thing - ever. hahah

So, first of all, shout out to @oohdembuns for peer pressuring me to go to this thing, hahaha. Cons are not usually my jam, but since it was at home, AND CAIT WAS COMING TOO, I was like, “I’d be kinda dumb not to go, right?” Anyway, so I originally just got a Friday pass and a picture with Cait. And was perfectly content with that. Then there was an announcement that they would be offering more VIP passes for sale, and Buns was like, “omg you have to go!!!!” so I thought about it, and thought about it… and tried to calculate out how many dinners out and shopping trips I had to cut out of my life, and decided, “Okay, you’ve convinced me… I’ll buy it, if it becomes available again.” So I was basically at the gym when the link went live for VIP sales, and Buns linked me to it immediately (so dependable!) and I got to buy one, then less than 30 seconds later it was sold out again. Guess I got lucky!

Onto the day of the con!

Wasn’t sure how it would be, since I didn’t really talk to anyone via DM or text or anything super regularly that was going. But I’d gotten talking to @supertam87 and @chrismosstree and @myguiltyolpleasure a few days before, so it was nice that they were cool enough to welcome me, so I didn’t feel like such a loner hahah. Met up with @valkyrie1969 and @sileas84 too. Met @queencaitriona and @zengeisha and a few others while waiting in line. I gotta say, one of my favorite parts of this weekend was meeting everyone and just hanging out. I wasn’t sure what to expect at first, but you guys guessed it, everyone is as cool IRL as they are online!

The rest is much of the same. Waiting in line after line after line. Me wanting to off myself, because it was so crowded and hot and stuffy. But hey, that’s con life, lol.

Panel was surreal to be at. It was fun, and exciting and the MC was funny and made everyone take selfless with their neighbor to ensure that you’d turned off your flash.

THEN out comes Sam and Cait. I mean, I was like, “Weird. They are right in front of me. This is definitely weird.” But I really enjoyed it and probably missed some bits, so I’ll have to do a re-watch! I honestly could sit and listen to them both ALL FREAKING DAY. They are just so entertaining and fun to watch together, lol.

Then we tried to go to the 12:30 autograph session. That was full. Which was kind of a good thing, because I was getting hangry at this point. Grabbed some lunch and came back to get lined up for photos. Okay, this was like cattle call and I wanted to just die, hahah. THEN I finally got up to the black curtains where Sam and Cait were standing taking pictures with fans, and it was so weird seeing them there… in motion… in the flesh. They are freakishly tall, yes. And Cait’s legs go on forever. I think her waist is like a whole foot higher than mine, hahah. I walk up to them when it was my turn, and I was like, “Well, this is super weird!” and Cait laughed and they both said, “oh, hi there!” Then snap, done, lol – Get the F outta here, NEXT. Hahah That’s what it felt like, but despite such a time constraint, they were super nice and it was the first real close-up interaction with them, so it was a neat experience.

Then off to ANOTHER line for the autographs. I got queued in and waited for Sam and Cait to finish their photo ops. I sat on the floor, in the line, and tried to get some rest, but the handlers wanted us to squeeze in tight, so I was literally napping underneath someone’s ass the whole time. I didn’t care though, I was freaking exhausted at this point, hahah. (So I can’t imagine how tired Cait and Sam were?? It was non-stop).

Then Sam walks in and crowd cheers! Sam-onlies called to the front of the line to begin autographs since Cait was running behind with photos. There weren’t that many Sam-onlies. Then Cait arrived to a crowd full of cheers. And one girl next to me had a Cait only autograph and I fist bumped her, lol. Also, stood next to a super cool shipper who doesn’t know she’s a shipper. She was hilarious. She was like, “goddamnit, I wish I had on google glass so I could just stare at them and record everything on the down low (because they were freaking Nazis about no photography).” This was after we saw Sam walk over to Cait, put his hands on his shoulder, lean down and tease her about hogging all the fans, lol. I died. I was right in front of them when this happened.

Anyway, got my autograph. Cait was like, “nice to see you again!” Getting autographs after pics worked out, because that’s what I had them sign since I didn’t have anything else to bring. I guess I could’ve had them sign my arm and tattooed it on permanently. JK – I’m not that dedicated. ;) Sam was once again just waiting around for people to sign autographs for. I was like, “Dang, Sam… looks like Cait’s just hogging all the fans. What’s up with that?” And he was like, “I know, right? She’s just being Chatty Cathy over there…” I missed my opportunity to say, “It’s because everyone loves her, don’t you???” Oops. :P

I wish I had a chance to get some friends something signed by them, but seriously, the handlers were super strict about everything. And I get it, it would take longer to sign more than one thing for everyone, but I get the feeling Sam and Cait would’ve been cool with signing their name to one other item for a BFF or grandma or something. :) (And I found out after that they did, actually! On the down low… very kind of them.)

Okay, so after all that… I just collapsed by a pillar and waited for the others to finish. Thankful to not be in any more lines. Then we all headed over to the restaurant to meet some other Tumblr peeps. I could only stay for a few minutes, but it was lovely to meet everyone! @ninaf @c2bend @rainmanjdog and others!

Then off I went to the meet and greet….

Room is set up into probably 10 round tables of 8 people or so. The handlers said to keep two seats open, so naturally, I put my purse on the seat next to mine to save it. ;) Once again, apparently, no freaking pictures were allowed. Who came up with this stupid rule? It’s not like we didn’t pay for the professional pictures and I highly doubt Sam and Cait cared if you took a pic of them from 10 feet away. Not like we were swarming them asking for selfies. Anyway, that was a ranty tangent. Kid you not, though, when Sam or Cait were coming up to our table next, they reminded us, “Now, remember. Phones on the table. Don’t touch them. No pictures allowed.” ANYWAY, we saw Sam and Cait taking selfies with other tables after the fact, so we were like, OH HELL NO. And the handlers noticed that, so one was finally like, “AT THE VERY END, you may ask if Cait wants to take a picture and if she says it’s okay, then you can do so.” We had already seen Sam, so it was like, would’ve been nice if you let us take a pic with Sam too, but we’re happy with Cait! Anyway, I loved the fact that Sam and Cait didn’t give a fuck about the stupid photo rule and just did what they wanted and were gracious to the fans. At the very end, the handlers decided that it would only be fair if Sam and Cait both took pics with each table, so that’s what they did. And a simple gesture made everyone’s day (well, it was icing on the cake). :))

Rewind:

Sat at the table closest to entrance/exit. Sam and Cait walked in, got a stealth pic of Sam but missed Cait. They both were holding these cute Jamie and Claire mugs. Sam had brought a bottle of Laphroaig with him. They had to do separate table round robins, for the sake of time, probably. Cait started at the table across from us, and Sam at the opposite end of the room. Anyway, we were just chit chatting amongst ourselves. It was very casual. Once in a lifetime experience, to have Sam and Cait just mingling in the same room as you. Like, wtf. It was weird haha. But anyway, we all kept our respective freak flags under wraps… and everyone was lovely. I did walk over to the bar area with another fan I sat next to, just to get a closer glance of Sam and Cait lol.

Sam got to our table first. He’s very handsome. Very young-looking. He sat in between these two ladies, so was across from me. I was like, “Y’all can fight over Sam, but dibs on Cait then…” They agreed to the terms of the deal, lol. Sam poured us all a shot of Whisky, which was very nice. It was pretty good. One girl asked me what the name was again, so I guess his sales tactic worked, hahah. (I’m only teasing, okay??). Anyway, Sam was nice and answered everyone’s questions the best he could… he seemed a bit tired, but still friendly and engaged. Someone asked if he took on any of the Jamie qualities or something in real life. And he had to think, and then he said since he had to play Jamie with a “fucked up hand” for a while there, IRL, whenever he got nervous, he would play with his right hand, or move it in weird ways, like Jamie. He also mentioned a bar in Glasgow that he and the guys of Outlander like to go to. I cannot remember the name. And his favorite lift is the dead lift. Gym questions get me snoozin’… lol

More waiting around until Cait got to our table. Our table was the last to see both Cait and Sam… and she walked over and smiled and said, “ahhh, the best for last.” I sat next to Cait… at a dinner table. That was super surreal, lol. We all said hi and thanks for coming, etc. etc. Then someone asked about Eddie and if she’ll be coming to SA. Sadly, Eddie will not be joining Cait in SA. Cait got to telling us about the whole process then she stopped and was like, “Wait. You guys really want to spend the next 10 minutes talking about my cat’s fucking rabies report??” lmao and we all laughed. We learned that Eddie is 14 years old. Then she was like, “so wait… lemme get everyone’s names! Where are you all from??” She was so friendly and smiley and I cannot…. Then someone mentioned Ryan Gosling and asked if she’s met him before and she told us a funny story about how she lost $20 to Ryan Gosling once, hahaha. And I was like, “Wait. How? Lost a bet?” And then she said that they had the same agent or something, so they all went on this fishing trip together a while back and were playing backgammon hahaha so effing random… and she lost to Ryan Gosling. And she was like, “AND I WAS BROKE. And he was a SUCCESSFUL actor, and I was BROKE… and he STILL took my money.” Ahahhah. Then the lady was like, “Omg, I spoke to someone who knows Ryan Gosling…” and I turned to her and was like, “Nevermind that you spoke with CAIT.” Lol and she just giggled and said, “awww, come on…” lol like all “pffft, I’m nobody” QUEEN. Also, at one point she complimented a lady who said she was in her 50s and told her she was gorgeous, when the topic of aging make-up came up regarding Claire and Jamie, so as to say, they didn’t really need to be EXTRA with their aging process, because people in their 50s still can look great and youthful. She was super sweet and encouraged us to ask her questions and also asked us questions as well, so it was very interactive.

Then I gave her a little greeting card that said “YASSSS QUEEN” on the front and said, “I was afraid of word vomit if I tried to speak to you in real life, so here’s a card.” Lol and she said, “awww, you don’t have to worry about that. Thanks!” But her handler took it, so I hope she saw it, lol.

Few other tid-bits:

Since Sam and Cait started on opposite sides of the room, when they both made it to the middle of the room, the first thing they did was turn around to each other, grinned and said, “oh haaii!” to each other. That was cute.

And at the very end of the night, as they were leaving, Sam took Cait in for a side hug/pose and I was caught off guard and was still afraid of the photo Gestapo so I didn’t catch it! :((

This was all I caught, right before the hug.

Anyway, and that was it… off they went. And then I died. :D

#Eccc2017

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neander-wallace-blog · 7 years

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Okay so, hey everyone, as you guys know I have a habit of changing my name, deleting and restarting my blog, changing my icon, etc etc. There’s an unusual reason for that besides me just not being able to make up my mind. It all kinda caught up with me when I deleted my latest. I was hesitant to write this but honestly it feels good to get it out after all these years and it makes one hell of story.

There’s really no easy way to go about this and last time I wrote something was in college and I got a C so forgive me in advance.

Since my freshman year of high school I’ve had a stalker. We met in school and they joined the friend group and things were all good for a bit. They were quiet but nice and I’m more of an introvert too so we got on fine. We became friends on facebook and started following each other on here, so on and yeah as people do.

After a few months of friendship things started to get weird. They’d always try and pull me away from the group which I refused to do. They asked me out but I wasn’t interested in dating so I told them that. They’d send me messages on all social media asking very invasive questions after that and to meet up late at night without our other friends which we never did before. I kept saying I couldn’t not feeling too comfy with it. When I said no the messages got more aggressive. I’m not good at confrontation so I just ignored them after a while basically thinking theyd stop. Then it turned to school. They’d follow me to my classes and wait at my locker and try to follow me home, always keeping a distance so I couldn’t really complain if that makes sense. I’d just see them wherever i’d go staring at me. They then began messaging my other friends and asking where I lived and where I worked and such, followed them too. Everyone being real creeped the fuck out we all stopped talking to them. They left my friends alone but continued with me. When they started to send me very sexually charged fantasies and spamming me with questions on facebook I unfriended and blocked them. They got to my instagram so I blocked them, my twitter I blocked them and so on and forth for my other sites. I blocked them on here but of course tumblrs system of blocking is horse shit. They still could see everything I did if they went on my page.

I didn’t hear from them online for a while after I blocked them, they would follow me to my locker at school and to the bus/my car still but like I said always a distance or just standing there. Getting frustrated one day I marched up and asked them to stop and thankfully they did that I could see around school, but still stared at me in the halls and in classes when we had them together and when we passed each other. I alerted the principle but since the harassment if I can call that happened online and I was the one to approach them they didn’t do shit. Outside of school was different, I worked as a cashier at a grocery store and every single day multiple times they’d come in and get a few things and wait in my line no matter how long it was. The most they did it in one day was 13 times. Buying candy and drinks and whatever the fuck random items. I explained it to my boss and he let me start working in the back. They came to my school plays and kept a close eye on me at school dances/proms/football games shit that was totally okay for them to be at so I couldn’t do anything about it but they’d always stay close and watch me. Throughout the remainder of high school, I’d get these facebook/insta/twitter accounts trying to follow and friend me and message me, and on here endless anon messages. They started out just asking how I was and such. Honestly not expecting it to be the person, I answered and what not. Whenever I found out they were behind the fake profiles I’d block them. After that happened I’d get very mean messages on here, so I’d report those anons.

This same system continued after graduation and in college. I must have changed my name on here 50 fucking times I shit you not. I made my settings private on everything. Things escalated. I’d get phone calls at all hours of the day and night, letters in the mail with no return address and constant messages from other profiles and accounts online. I changed my phone number quite a few times, calls continued. The letters were first just to my home and my parents would tell me about them while I was at school and throw them away. Then I started getting them at my dorm. The calls were silent except breathing and the letters were very bland like ‘missing you/thinking of you/poems” etc. Then they escalated more to me getting photo shopped pictures of my head on ads that had a housewife in them. Like ever seen those 50′s ads with the two kids and husband and wife my face would be on those. But no one else was changed. So I examined my options, the police said since nothing online or the calls/letters weren’t ‘threatening’ and they never did anything in person that I could prove without a doubt was them they had their hands tied like me. They told me I had to try and ask them to stop personally if I believed it them. I swallowed my huge ass ego and unblocked them on facebook and sent a message saying if they are responsible for the weird and harassing shit please stop and leave me alone. When I took this step it had been after 6 years.

Then there was nothing. I was happy and continuing with life and such. School was done I was at home for a bit before I moved out. I thought the weird shit was over. For lack of a better term I forgave and forgot. A few months ago, I started to get bombarded with anonymous hate. It was all aimed at things like fandom stuff so honestly I assumed it was people upset with me for being vocal about things happening on tumblr. Then one night the messages turned personal again. Saying they never stopped watching and I knew who it was. I freaked out. Deleted the blog and after a few days or so started a new one fresh thinking there was no way theyd find me. And I met so many wonderful people on here I didn’t want to stay away.

Fuck me sideways with a chainsaw and call me heather I was wrong. Messages continued but if you guys noticed they were aimed at hating on jared leto and the dceu and then my bisexuality post. Expected from tumblr right? I’m not a computer chick so starting a new account I thought how’d they get it. Well I got more messages saying they missed me and blah blah I ignored them. Then saying they were going to be coming to my house and they were tired of me trying to escape them and keep changing everything and making it harder for our ‘relationship’ to progress. I made this blog and kept it blank for a few days seeing if it’d get picked up and worked on changing my IP address. When things were set up I deleted my blog yesterday. I alerted the police about the problem I’d been having with a certain person for years, and about the messages I got about coming to my house. Since the first time I went to the police, they said nothing could be done it wasn’t on record and the cops said that I couldn’t prove who this person was if they were on anon and they were just trying to scare me. Basically told me it’s the internet what did I expect. Again said they couldn’t act because nothing was labeled as a ‘threat’.

My plan was to set up this blog and have it for a bit before I found everyone on here again. Just to be safe. I just want to put it out there that I use tumblr as a distraction from real life. it helps with a lot of other stuff besides this person but I’ll explain that later.

In the middle of the night, I hear this tapping noise on my window. After college I got my own apartment, so I wasn’t in my house from high school. I didn’t think this person would be able to find me since I thought they weren’t aware of my college either. My parents knew the whole thing so of course I told them about the threat to come to my ‘house’ and asked them to be on alert thinking the person meant their place. I looked out my window and saw nothing. The way it’s set up has the places on the ground floor. So I have windows in the front and back. The one I checked was the back, I didn’t see anything. Then a few minutes later while im staring out the back theres tapping on the front window. I check, But they weren’t there. Now I’m thinking I’m a fucking whack job right. Then my phone starts ringing. I answer and it’s just silence. Whenever I hang up to call the cops it rings again and it’s more silence. Thank fucking whatever if on the other side of life I get a call from my neighbor who tells me theres someone running around the complex on my end and leaning in looking at the different windows of my place asking me if it’s a friend of mine. I immediately hang up and call the cops. I owe my neighbor everything because I think my stalker got flustered when my line was busy while I was talking to her and didn’t have time to dial me again while waiting for that call to end.

Cops get there and find them just fucking standing outside my back window trying to look in but I closed my curtains after I checked out there the first time. They knock and I’m fucking frantic explaining I know who it is and theyve been stalking me since high school. They take them away and the cop sits with me and I give the full story. Basically that’s it for the night I try to just distract myself with tv and whatever else not being able to sleep and jumping at every fucking noise. When I woke up this morning I call the police department to check. When the police were talking to them they broke down, saying they didn’t want to hurt me and were in love. They wanted to propose and start our life together. They didn’t have any weapons on them on at time and none of their previous messages over the years were “violent” if you will so I don’t necessarily believe I was in physical danger much. What they did have on them though was a duffle bag with an engagement ring, my yearbook photos from high school, photos from my college that I took with clubs I was in and on trips, and a diary they kept documenting what I did on certain days and how we’d spend our lives together. They never admitted to the calls or sending the letters the cop said, only that they loved me and we had been dating since high school. Anyway I’m in the process of getting a restraining order and i can’t say more than that but the cop explained it’d keep them from all contact and things are being taken care of on their end. I feel really bad because obviously theyre struggling and not in a right state of mind, I keep thinking maybe i could have been a better friend in the beginning but anyone who knew me when I was 15 knew I was the most awkward asshole I just dont fucking know. At the same time the events were spaced out and done just right to where he was never directly responsbile.

I know how stupid I sound. Why didn’t I just stay off line and stop making accounts. Well in this day and age it’s hard to stay off lin. I had family and lifelong friends between facebook/instagram/twitter and talked to them on snapchat and such. But they were the worst for the harassment because it was directly to me and my personal life on tumblr I could kinda get lost in just my interests without too much personal shit. It was an escape if that made sense. It helped with my depression and anxiety and I met so many people who have really helped me on here. It was me being stubborn and not wanting to give up my day to day life and me also being naive thinking this person wasn’t serious.

So I’d like to just say sorry I kept disappearing and changing, I’d love to see how many names and profiles i’ve actually had over the years that were found but thinking about it creeps me out too. Just thank you to everyone for being such amazing friends on here. I’m sorry this story is so long and dramatic but it really feels good to get it out in a way if that makes sense. I’ve never told anyone besides my parents. I feel kind of numb and think I’m just running on adrenaline before I crash. I feel like I’m dreaming these past 24 hours. On the funny side I was thinking of submitting it to like the let’s not meet reddit shit. lolololol but anyway that’s the story all about how my life got switched turned upside down

#personal

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kingglorie · 6 years

Text

My Side of the MLP Steam Chat

No names in here are changed, so if you want to sue me, go for it.

There was a point, in the height of the My Little Pony phenomenon where I would frequent the forum for Terraria online and participate in their Brony thread. Most of the guys there were cool people, and there was some drama but that isn’t the point of this story. After sometime of the thread on the forum, the members growing, we still had yet to put up a MLP Server. I decided to take it upon myself and put up a server, I already have a setup built for it, just needed to get it running. Quickly after I put up the server and it was neat, we all had fun playing on it. Suddenly one day I got a message from some person, there display name was something about strawberries, and they ran some website and they told be they had submitted my Terraria to I think a website called Equestria Daily? Regardless it was a fairly popular website for MLP fans, and we had a large influx of requests to join the server. A bit after said website posted the server I got a message from someone, I don’t remember what their display name was on the forum, but later I learned this person was Corrie. They wanted me to take my server and set it up for their Steam Group, which was just a general MLP Steam group, but it had like 50,000 members. So after weighing my options I decided to go ahead and do that. After this I really became distant from the Terraria forum people and they went on and did their own thing, they ended up making their own Website called Global Equestria, which is it’s own shitshow for another day.

I was made an administrator in the Steam group, and I was told to post the server information in an announcement whenever I was ready. So, I took a week and tweaked the server, made sure it was to my liking. Made a way to Whitelist people so there wasn’t rampant griefing, etc. Then I announced the server, and not to my surprise, there were a lot of requests to join, and most were accepted and that was that. I learned at this time, their Steam chat for the group was fairly active, normally twenty people at a time, but often enough more. I figured well hey, if people have questions about the Terraria server they can ask me there. So I joined, and just kinda sat back reading the messages. Everyone now and then people would take notice of me, and I’d say something, but for the most part I just hung back. I was never asked to be a chat moderator, which did exist, but I almost took it upon myself. I was in the chat room already, might as well moderate. I was never asked to stop, they allowed me, they didn’t have a problem with it. I was given an account for the ban logs to record bans or kicks, and that was that, I was a chat moderator as well. Fairly quickly the hype of a new Terraria server died down and people barely played on it, I kept it up for a long time, but it rarely was used. I finally took it down after some time, and stayed a chat moderator. Later on I would put up a DayZ server near the end of my time there.

I’m not going to remember everyone, but I remember most people who were important enough to include.

Long Shot - He was basically the head moderator for the chat. He had the final say aside from Corrie. We got along at first, but we would come to butt heads later on because we had different styles of moderating.

Corrie - He (Prefered she) didn’t come into the chat much, despite that we had on and off communication, she was nice enough at the beginning.

Vero - One of the few guys who I still very rarely talk with, he was alright. He would become a moderator and then be stripped of the title later.

Fredrex - Again, still have them added but even more rarely talk with him. He wouldn’t be a moderator for a long time, but after he was, became the group owner when Corrie left.

Mothu - Brony in denial, he pretty much hated everyone. He did his job as a moderator though. He had a thing for Fredrex if I remember correctly.

Strawbs - Sweet guy, would often break the RP rules in chat. One of the first just random people I told I was gay to. I would have to ban him later though, which really ruined our relationship and he never really talked to me after that.

Most other chat members, admins, or moderators were so on and off that they aren’t important at that time.

The first few months were fairly unimpressive. Most people got along, people talked, etc etc.

Then something happened, I’m not quite sure what.

The first major event that happened in my mind was when another administrator, Arctix Pie as he was called at the time, who later would just become Arc, join first I think the first time even in the chat, because someone decided to randomly invited every admin and moderator into the chat room. He really laid it on, hot and heavy for me, pretty much instantly. I wasn’t sure who this guy was but he was going for it. He would private message me and I would tell him I wasn’t interested. Finally I caved and we became a “thing”, this would last 1 1/2 years to 2 years. There is a lot that happened in between but the main points are, we did a lot together, and after he started to moderator the chat more. Arc got more involved in everything, he may of talked to Corrie a lot before, but not to my knowledge, but after he and Corrie were close. At some point I started to join the chat less, I couldn’t tell you the reason though. Arc did as well.

I don’t know when it happened, but there was a guy who joined the chat and was generally just a pain to be around. His display name on Steam was Squishy Marshmallow Pony Butthole. He didn’t like me, I constantly had to kick him for breaking RP rules and the like, and I guess that's why. Long Shot wouldn’t enact any rules on him. I have no proof of this claim, but I think they had similar fetishes and would RP with each other. I wasn’t super active in the chat when this happened and I don’t know how it happened but I got a message from someone says that, who I will refer to as Squishy, was made a moderator. I was pretty vocal about my distaste for this move, but it was Long Shots choice to make. I noted the amount of times I had to straighten stuff out when he made it get out of line. I avoided the chat heavily after he was made a moderator. After some time and complaint, Corrie stepped up and made the decision to remove Squishy as a moderator, a move I agreed with, through the grapevine I heard it wasn’t a good move that Squishy was made a moderator. I still have a friend that randomly messages me says “You remember when they made Squishy a moderator?” “Yeah.” I’ll answer and he will always say “That was awful.”

After Squishy was removed from moderator, I took it upon myself to be more active in the chat, filling the void for the now defunct moderator. Squishy had it out for the chat thought, he made a second chat and group, basically for the banned people from the chat. I had a friend who would sit in on their chats and would relay messages. They really disliked me, couldn’t tell you why. But they also had the same, people in the regular chat who would pass stuff I said over to Squishy, and they would talk shit about me. I brought it up to Corrie but was basically told to just deal with it. I did end up banning one person who was doing this, and it brought down hellfire on me, he raised a shit storm and basically I was told not to ban people as it didn’t justify breaking the “trolling” rule.

Not to long after, when I was at work I received a message from Arc saying that chat was a bit unruly and Strawbs was posting porn in the chat, which was very against the rules. I said, ban them for the time being, I’ll deal with it when I got home. Long story short, I got told off my Long Shot, that I should of given Strawbs more chances because he was a “friend” and now he was upset at me and that I had lost a “friend.” I argued that it doesn’t matter if he’s my friend or not, he broke the rules. I didn’t suddenly dislike Strawbs, he was still a great guy, he just broke the rule were it’s basically one strike and you’re out, but that wasn’t a good enough reason. Strawbs was unbanned, I was told by Long Shot not to do it again. I was very disinterested in the chat after that, and rarely visited anymore. Arc would still participate in the chat enough to get himself into trouble which he did.

To make a long story short, he banned someone from the chat, jokingly he said, because someone said he would buy him a video game for it. So Arc banned him, and then unbanned him shortly after. The person who was banned was upset to say the least, and basically brought the thing up to Corrie. Corrie was mad at Arc, and as far as I know didn’t talk to Arc anymore after that. But somehow I got caught in this, even though I wasn’t involved, I was still questioned about it and blamed for it. Corrie was upset at me as well, for I don’t know what. It felt unwarranted, I’m was not responsible for his actions. Arc was removed as an administrator.

A bit after that they decided to do a moderator purge and re-evaluate the chat. They got all of the moderators and administrators in a group chat and had “moderator” review. Corrie basically told us what she thought of us, and we could choose either publicly or privately to be reviewed. Everyone chose publicly, and I was basically told that I wasn’t doing enough and was more of a problem than a help. It was fair to say I wasn’t doing enough, I was not participating in chat at all, and hadn’t for a bit. So I willingly gave up my title. When I chose to give it up, only one of the other moderators said anything to me regarding it, which basically amounted to that I did a good job and I shouldn’t go, and that I’ll be missed.

I had a lengthy discussion with Corrie after the fact about it. I didn’t want the title back, I just wanted to set some stuff straight. I didn’t think it was fair I was given blame for something Arc had done. I didn’t think it was fair how much favoritism was given to certain members as far as rule breaking was concerned, and how Long Shot was playing favorites constantly, specifically noted the Squishy and Strawbs incident. Corrie didn’t really care, she said if it was truly a problem I would of brought it up before now. We left it at that.

A bit later, Corrie left the group and gave the group to Fredex, who was moderator at the time. I know from talking with Corrie that she had received a job at Blizzard and was moving to California and didn’t want to have to manage or deal with the group anymore. When Corrie left, she had completely deleted me from all social media, so I never got to wish her good luck or anything, which stung quite a bit. I would be asked later by Fredex if I wanted to play Heroes of the Storm when it was in alpha, I told him I didn’t have a key, and they cost to much money. He was surprised Corrie didn’t give me one. he was finding out for the first time Corrie didn’t talk to me anymore and had deleted on all platforms. He asked if I wanted him to talk to Corrie about it, I said no, just leave it be. It was too long gone at that point.

A few people told me that group had turned into shit after I left, but I didn’t really care. I felt very jaded about the whole thing, all the time devoted to just be tossed aside and then ignored. Most of the “friends” I had from the chat stopped talking to me after I was no longer an administrator, they weren’t real friends, they just wanted to say they new a moderator.

The people who didn’t delete me, we still don’t talk much.

As far as I know Fredrex still runs the group, I haven’t talk to him in very long.

Nyx I still have added, but I don’t think I’ve talked to him since I was an admin.

Vero is still added, he streams sometimes and I drop in on his stream and say hi, he’s still a cool dude.

I tried to talk to Mothu, but he deleted my friend request a bit after I sent it, which didn’t surprise me.

Me and Arc stayed together for awhile past that, but we grew apart as time went on. He wasn’t a healthy person for me to be around, I believe the last time I spoke to him was when my dog died and I went to him for emotional support, and he really didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t know how he could help. He would deleted me from social media awhile later as well, we never technically broke up, just stopped talking. When I was resetting up this Tumblr, I still had his added, he would use Tumblr much more than me, and his note said he didn’t have a boyfriend anymore and had a sad face. I also received a “Happy Birthday” message from what I assume is him last year, He doesn’t us Steam much anymore. Assuming I have the right person, he hasn’t been online in 22 days.

I ignored the birthday message. Maybe it was his idea of trying to contact me and talk? I don’t know but I didn’t, which maybe was a mistake, it would be interesting to see what he’s up to. but regardless, I hope he’s well.

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lalalauzzzzx · 7 years

Text

little bored, here’s a survey

Have you ever lived with a friend? Not a friend.

What are a few of your favorite TV shows? American Horror Story, Catfish, Gotham, Scrubs, Jane the Virgin, Orphan Black, Friends, Fresh Prince, Luther, The Killing, Rick and Morty, Breaking Bad, The Mindy Project, Buffy, Simpsons, Family Guy, lots more I cant think.

What kind of socks do you like to wear? Either ankle socks or fluffy bed socks.

Ever wear lipstick? I love to.

Do you have your own house key, and how often do you actually use it? Yes, I live alone so always.

How often do you eat chocolate? Not that often, if i’m in the mood.

Have you ever only liked someone because you found out they liked you? No, I rarely like people and when I do its straightaway kinda thing.

Ever baked a pie? Cherry and apple pies, yum.

How often do you wash dishes at your house? Daily.

Ever make your own chocolate milk with Nesquik? Can’t say i have.

Does spell-check on Word or Mac computers ever annoy you when it underlines the word? Yes.

Do you know what time you were born, and what day of the week it was? I think it was a Thursday at around 7.30pm.

What colors of nail polish do you like best? Purples.

Do you think people act weirder or that stranger things happen when there’s a full moon? I haven’t noticed as such.

Would you rather have ice cream or cake for dessert? Not really a dessert person, I do love an apple crumble though.

Ever been on a real diet, or did you just stop eating? Yes.

If you wear glasses, do you find yourself wiping them constantly to clean them? Always, and they steam up when i drink tea.

What is a recurring thought on your mind today? Nursey stuff and how cold I am.

Have you had any confrontations with anyone lately? Earlier on the phone and online chat with O2, my new phones finally coming though!

What was the last charity you donated to? Cancer Research.

Don’t ya just hate foot cramps? Especially in bed.

Would you say you have an infectious laugh? I’ve been told by several people i have a dirty laugh.

Shouldn’t you be doing something else right now? Always, uni stuff, money stuff, housework, garden stuff, exercising.

Do you have anything planned for the summer? Not even thinking that far ahead.

What is something you worry about often? Money and health.

Are there any mountains nearby where you live? Haha, not even slightly.

Do you walk fast or slow?

Fast.

Do you keep birthday cards or throw them out? I keep special ones.

Does sitting in waiting rooms drive you insane? Depends how long and what for.

Do you ever put sticky notes around the place to remind yourself of things? All the time i’m stupidly forgetful.

Are you easy to talk to? I’d like to think so, i’m not judgmental, i’m open minded and i keep secrets.

Can you juggle with more than two items? I can’t juggle at all.

At airports do you ever worry your luggage won’t arrive? Haven’t been on holiday since I was 13, money.

Do your parents ever call you ‘pet’ or ‘sweetheart’ etc? They did <3

If so, does it annoy you? No.

Do you like jalapenos? Tiny ones.

What other windows have you currently got opened? Texting and Whatsapp and I think Instagram. I’m also looking at presents.

What woke you up this morning? Not sure, I either woke up cause I was cold again or dale moved.

Who else is in the same building as you? Nobody.

Your name? Laura.

Would you ever consider visiting Ireland? I would love to.

How often is it that you make a post on any sort of social media, and then delete it soon after? Why? Not often, I delete things if ive posted accidentally. Have you ever taken time off to focus on your mental health? Are you the type of person that is able to take a break or are you more likely to bury yourself in responsibility? Before I’d always bury myself until I was too busy to notice anything. This year however due to losing my parents and one thing or another ive taken a whole year off my nursing degree and i’m glad i did, final year too.

Are you constantly on the lookout for new movies to watch and books to read or do you tend to just wait for something to pique your interest?

I’m always on the lookout for new books, i love amazon and charity shops. Movies i pretty much scroll through Netflix.

Which season do you enjoy dressing for the most and why? Fall and Winter, i love dressing cosy in hats and scarves <3 .

Do you enjoy taking selfies and do you enjoy looking at other people’s selfies? I don’t really enjoy it, especially on this old phone the cameras awful. I usually take one if i’m with people or ive changed my hair etc. Are there any songs that you enjoy, but the lyrics are problematic/downright offensive? A lot of Hollywood Undead’s stuff.

#survey #quiz

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