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croc-odette · 4 years

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i love ds9 and here are some episode premises that i wish had happened

DND EPISODE: already talked about this but a dungeons and dragons holosuite episode. jake is the overly prepared DM obviously, nog, ziyal, and alexander are players. nog’s player is clearly his idea of sisko, a lawful good paladin; ziyal plays as a cardassian rogue (played by dukat, but clearly based in personality on kira); alexander plays a mage who is kind-of worf kind-of jadzia and keeps switching between them through the game). there’s an NPC version that’s clearly also based on sisko at one point, but from jake’s point of view knowing him as his dad to compare how differently jake and nog, a cadet, see him.

as the game progresses, it becomes clear that the Big Bad is based on a combo of dukat/winn (corrupt government/religious figure). ziyal struggles with the classic DND question of ‘just because i would do this, does that mean my character would?’ except she’s realizing that her dad wouldn’t do any of the selfless things she wants her character to do. alexander keeps trying to solve shit through weird cantrips or puzzle solving instead of fighting and jake is like ‘it’s not deep it’s just a cave bat please roll initiative’. bashir and garak show up as like, the old couple from the princess bride and everyone has to be like ‘jake they’re not dating in real life this rpf shit is kind of inappropriate’ and he’s like ‘wait what? i thought they were dating’. miles is an NPC and dies. nog thinks jake’s-sisko-npc is too silly and disrespectful and jake is like ‘he’s MY dad’ and they have to take a break to argue about it and jake is like ‘your dad is cool too’. nog’s character changes to lawful good paladin rom. actually this whole game is ‘arguing about dads’ time now that i think about it, which jake is not really equipped to jump in on since he has a normal cool dad who he basically just thinks is embarrassing because he’s the ~messiah~ or some goofy bullshit. ends with them calling it a day after the final boss battle and then jake and nog privately talking about whether or not they can trust ziyal if she has to choose between ds9 and dukat, which was an ulterior motive of the game. ziyal is clearly clearly rattled by what the game made her realize and goes to see kira, who she doesn’t tell about the game but who still gives her a hug, and ziyal realizes that kira’s her hero (and like, her mom). alexander tells worf and dax about the game and dax thinks it sounds fun as hell and asks alexander if they can come next time, and worf is like ‘....... only if i can be a blood mage’. nog and jake go home and tell their dads they love them.

shit i blacked out

PRANK WAR EPISODE: escalating series of pranks starting with jadzia putting hair dye in bashir’s shampoo and ending with the space station accidentally going into a meltdown self destruct scenario. garak is torn between helping jadzia and quark, who are clearly the better pranksters, or helping julian and odo, who suck at pranks but are his lunch friends. everyone has to tell garak that he’s way too intense about ‘pranks’ which are actually just really dangerous booby traps he puts in people’s quarters. sisko ends the episode by grounding everyone; no holosuites for a month!! yes even dax

GREAT RACE EPISODE: there’s some kind of macguffin resource on a planet (a klingon escape pod with a survivor with crucial intelligence information?), but they can’t teleport directly to it. a vorta and jem h’dar team and a ds9 team beam down on opposite sides of its location and are both racing to get there first, having to macgyver together vehicles and tools on the way. lots of excellent outdoor on-location settings and comparison of the jem h’dar/vorta dynamic and the ds9 federation dynamic. ends with the jem h’dar almost winning but turning on the vorta at the last few yards, and sisko’s team beams out as the jem h’dar chant victory. no i refuse to think this is same plot as ‘the ship’ or whatever

KASIDY EPISODE: set earlier in kasidy/sisko’s relationship, kasidy agrees to go with jadzia as a third-party observer to negotiations with a nearby bajoran colony over a trade agreement with the federation. jadzia and kasidy bond over gossiping about sisko on the way, but once they get there kasidy disagrees with the starfleet’s contract during negotiations which causes tensions, and recommends that the bajorans reject it. she and jadzia get into an argument about starfleet and its ideals, and why kasidy chose to be an independent captain rather than a starfleet captain, and how that doesn’t make her lesser than starfleet captains. jadzia realizes that kasidy is right and petitions superiors for a new contract, which kasidy approves of. they go home tenser then when they left, but when sisko asks jadzia what she thinks of kasidy, she very seriously says that she has incredible compassion, intelligence, and integrity, and that she doesn’t need or want jadzia’s approval. but has it anyway

MUSICAL EPISODE: someone already outlined a great musical ep where lwaxana comes in with a betazoid cold and it makes everyone burst into song in another text post and like 100% cosigned

SHAKESPEARE EP: holosuite shenanigans; every character is suddenly stuck as someone from a different shakespeare play. garak is an enthusiastically combative beatrice, kira is cordelia, worf is hamlet, jadzia is a very amused katerina, julian is puck, miles is duncan (”i get MURDERED?”), odo is benvolio and kind of bummed he’s not romeo, etc. i actually don’t know any shakespeare play that well but i think it could be neat. julian is the only fucking person on ds9 who actually knows any of it well enough to figure out what’s going on, except for sisko who doesn’t really care for shakespeare but generally knows about the plays (maybe a good opportunity to talk about the racism in most ‘classic Earth’ pop culture that star trek tends to uphold without criticism). i don’t know shit about the 40 plays that shakespeare wrote about british kings but i could see sisko ending up in that kind of intense role and refusing to play into it, as do the rest of the characters who refuse to fulfill their respective roles and instead find another way to end the program.

KLINGON OPERA EPISODE: goodddddddd can we see some klingon opera, mac. i’ve been dying to see some klingon opera. premise is they believe that someone is assassinating ambassadors and so they tag along with a andorian ambassador who loves opera to see if they can figure out who the assassin is, however the andorian plays it down as over-worrying and that they should use it as an excuse to enjoy themselves. worf and jadzia go and have a lovey dovey time, sisko and kasidy go and have a lovey dovey time watching worf and jadzia get super into the opera together. julian is asked to go in case there’s poison used or first aid needed, and miles is like ‘the last time i went undercover i came home with trauma and someone’s cat so no thanks i hate klingon opera’ and after some increasingly overt passive aggressive implications that julian should take HIM, julian asks garak to go with him. bonus points if for some reason they are wearing the stupid tuxedos from doctor bashir i presume. a lot of loud arguing about the opera which almost gets them kicked out. at the end of the first act, one of the actors DOES try to kill the andorian but jadzia jumps in front of the phaser beam (cue worf being very concerned and annoyed that she could have gotten killed, jadzia being very smug and pleased with herself, her head in his lap, in a pose mirroring an earlier couple in the opera). julian feels like he would have noticed if he hadn’t been distracted by garak, and when it turns out the andorian ambassador has sensitive info about cardassia’s civilian government, julian accuses garak of intentionally trying to distract him to make sure the andorian actually died, which turns into a huge argument (ideally in a very opulent klingon opera house bathroom). during the argument, julian realizes that garak was trying to hint to him that something about the assassination attempt was off; he pieces together aloud that the andorian and the actor must have been in league together, to fake the andorian’s assassination so they could not be tried for profiteering by illegally selling weapons to the cardassian central control during bajoran occupation, which they are currently under investigation for. the other ambassador assasinations were planned by the andorian to cover their tracks. the andorian is arrested, as is the actor. at the ballroom afterparty, sisko and kasidy, in a good mood that everything worked out, agree to join in on traditional klingon dancing. worf and jadzia take a peaceful walk through the gardens and worf recites some really lovely klingon poetry about how sometimes it’s NOT a good day to die if someone loves you, that none of us fucking understand without looking it up. julian and garak talk on the balcony, and julian posits that garak is loyal to cardassia, but which part of it? garak answers, very close and meaningfully looking at julian, ‘like most things... it’s complicated.’

i was about to say ‘fake wedding episode’ but literally LITERALLY that was the shotgun wedding lwaxana/odo ep. i love star trek

KEIKO BOTANIST EPISODE: kira accompanies keiko to bajor to help find a medicinal plant that was thought to be wiped out during the occupation but might still exist in a remote mountain region based on local reports. a nice episode where we learn more about bajor and see how bajorans are coping and healing. over a campfire, kira thanks keiko for accepting her into their family. keiko tells kira that she was really intimidated by her when they first met, and then realized she’s one of the most loving people she knows. just a nice episode, maybe some mild nature survival conflict, but ends on a hopeful note of them finding the plant. miles beams down with the kids to have a picnic with keiko and kira, and kira’s happy to see children playing carelessly on bajor again.

JAKE AND ZIYAL EPISODE: everyone thinks jake and ziyal are dating because they’ve been hanging out. julian’s an idiot and mentions to sisko ‘must be hard, huh’ and sisko’s like ‘WHAT must be hard’ and julian’s like oh my god were we not supposed to talk to him about this. jake and ziyal aren’t dating but as soon as sisko tries to talk to jake about it jake is like ‘i’m not but actually maybe i SHOULD ask her out’ and sisko is like fuck. okay no that’s fine. this is more of a B-plot but basically give jake and ziyal age-appropriate love interests they’re both RIGHT there

#i'm really about to write fake screenplays for episodes for a tv show that ended 20 years ago #star trek blogging #THIS GOT OUT OF HAND.

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weerd1 · 5 years

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Star Trek DS9 Rewatch Log, Stardate 1909.03: Missions Reviewed, “Blaze of Glory,” Empok Nor,” “In the Cards,” and “Call to Arms.”

“Blaze of Glory” has Sisko receive a coded message intercepted by the Klingons sent from the Badlands. It would seem to be a last ditch effort by the Maquis. The message is meant for “Michael” whom Sisko believes to be Michael Eddington, and talks about a missile strike launched as a last ditch effort against Cardassia. Sisko goes to Eddington’s prison, and brings him along to find out the story of the missiles.

Eddington tells him he has no real desire to cooperate, and after all, they would need to go to the launch site to stop them. Sisko convinces them to take him there, and after some tense close calls with the Jem’Hadar, they get to the base. They find out the Dominion is already there. Slowly infiltrating in, they initially find a group of Maquis corpses, but in the main launch room about a dozen survivors, including Eddington’s wife Rebecca.

The entire set up was a code to allow the Maquis to escape, playing on the fact Sisko would bring Eddington along. He agrees to evacuate the survivors, but they are ambushed on the way out. Eddington stays back holding off the Jem’Hadar so the others can escape dying a hero.

I don’t like Michael Eddington, and I’m glad he’s dead. There I said it. I’ve been waiting for him to go since he showed up to take Odo’s job. I didn’t like him when we were supposed to like him. Good riddance. This does though bring some closure to the Maquis storyline. They won’t really come up again aside from Voyager, though they missed a bet in their finally when they sidestepped the question of how their Maquis crew would be received back into the Federation. As a larger point, it is time to let the Maquis go though, as worse things are gathering on the horizon.

“Empok Nor” has a crew visit another abandoned Cardassian station, a sister design to DS9 (Terok Nor) by that name. O’Brien, Nog, and four victim…uh, engineers go with Garak to the station to gather parts to make some much needed repairs to DS9.

Garak is there to deal with all the booby traps the Cardassians have doubtlessly left in place. What no one is expecting is two Cardassian special forces operatives left in stasis, woken up by the team’s arrival. Neither does anyone expect they are juiced on a powerful psychotropic drug to make them more violent…and Garak has been affected as well. The Soldiers take out three Starfleet officers before Garak takes each of them out, and then he takes out another officer.

He kidnaps Nog and begins a game of cat and mouse with O’Brien, which O’Brien only wins by engineering a booby trap of his own. Back on DS9, Garak is recovering, but also mortified by what he has done. He and O’Brien reach an understanding that both of them have violent pasts…perhaps best left in the past.

This episode is written by Bryan Fuller who will later go on to write “Hannibal” and create the outlines for the first season of “Star Trek: Discovery.” Indeed there are similarities between this episode and the Disco episode “Context is for Kings” and Garak as he becomes more manipulative feels like a proto-Hannibal. The whole episode is filmed, effectively, like a horror movie, and it is bold to actually have Garak, under the influence or not, actually kill one of the officers. Andrew Robinson is of course fantastic here, as is Colm Meaney. Aron Eisenberg’s Rom has been used to great effect this season as the cadet, and continues to shine here. Perhaps a stand alone diversion from the larger plot, but a worthwhile one.

“In the Cards” starts with the single most morose officers’ mess in the history of Star Trek. Sisko has his whole senior crew over for dinner, but negative news about the Dominion has everyone down. Worse, Sisko finds out Kai Winn is coming to the station to meet with Weyoun and discuss a non-aggression pact between Bajor and The Dominion. Meanwhile Jake and Nog find Quark is auctioning off a bunch of crap, but among the useless items is a Willie Mays rookie card from the 1950s. Trying to buy it at auction as a gift to Sisko, the lot instead goes to a mysterious Doctor Geiger, whom they find is trying to build an immortality machine, and being chased (supposedly) by the “soulless minions of orthodoxy.”

Though they think he’s crazy, he wants a list of things for his work which are harmless, and he is willing to trade the card. To get the items needed, Jake and Nog begin helping out the crew in trade. Meanwhile Winn asks Sisko as Emissary what she should do and he recommends stalling the Dominion talks by referring the treaty to the Bajoran council of ministers. Weyoun hears the machine Geiger is working on and investigates, and believes Jake and Nog are involved in some plot against him.

When he learns the truth, he let’s them take the card and listens intently to Geiger. Jake gives the card to his dad who notes the crew has cheered immensely, due to the help Jake and Nog provided for their assistance.

A fun episode, well crafted in its layering, and light hearted enough to miss the fact that Winn is basically negotiating Bajor into the Dominion’s hands. This comes into play next episode, but here we get a good Jake/Nog buddy episode, as they work their way through the station in pursuit of their goal. I almost wonder if Weyoun took Dr. Geiger with him into Dominion custody to continue his research?

In “Call to Arms,” the situation with the Dominion has come to a head. Reinforcements from the Gamma Quadrant have been flooding into Cardassia through the wormhole, and the Federation wants it stopped. Sisko tells everyone that they can’t get new Starfleet reinforcements right now, but he wants to mine the wormhole. O’Brien, Dax, and Rom design cloaked, self-replicating mines but it will take some time to deploy them, during which time the Defiant will be vulnerable; they know there is no way the Dominion will let them try it without an attack on the station. Sisko advises Bajor to sign the non-aggression pact, and then starts laying mines, and evacuating Bajoran personnel. Along the we, before she evacuates, Leeta and Rom get married under Sisko’s command.

The Dominion fleet however is on its way, and Dukat and Damar plan to take DS9 and then Bajor; Weyoun tells them they WILL follow the Dominion’s treaty with Bajor, and first…they need to actually capture DS9. The minefield is almost in place when the fleet arrives, and DS9 and General Martok have to work to defend them. They hold off the Dominion fleet as the Defiant completes the minefield, cutting off the Gamma Quadrant. With the Dominion regrouping, Sisko bids the Bajoran crew farewell, telling them he will return to this place “where he belongs.” He also tells them that Starfleet could not send more reinforcements because while the Dominion was engaged here, a joint Federation/Klingon fleet attacked Dominion ship-building facilities in Cardassian space. The war between the Federation and the Dominion has begun. As the Rotarran (Martok’s BoP) and Defiant cloak and escape, Dukat lands on DS9, welcomed by Kira, Quark, and Odo. Sisko however has booby trapped the station himself, leaving it barely functioning, much as when Cardassia handed it over five years before.

Rom goes back to work for Quark, but to act as a spy for the Federation, and he finds Jake has stayed on the station as a correspondent for the Federation News Service. Dukat goes into Sisko’s office to find he has left the baseball on his desk. Weyoun is puzzled, but Dukat knows it is a message that Sisko plans to return. The season ends as the Defiant and Rotarran take their place among hundreds of ships in the joint Federation and Klingon fleet. The Alpha Quadrant is at war.

Again, you needed those lighter episodes leading up to this to get things going to hell here. The war is on, Starfleet has lost DS9, Bajor is if not allied, at least in treaty with the Dominion. Things are grim, and this is not the way one expects a Star Trek show to go. It is incredibly compelling though, and for those who might still throw up the argument that DS9 isn’t “Star Trek” because Roddenberry’s Trek was about a bright future, I would counter that GR never truly shied away from conflict in the future (just ask Spock and McCoy) and he often had flawed humans struggling with one another in order to examine the human condition. As sad as it may be, there is no way to truly turn a magnifying glass on humanity without talking about humans at war. Even Kirk said, “we can admit that we’re killers, but we will not kill today; that’s all it takes.” (“A Taste of Armageddon.”) Starting with TNG, Star Trek shied away from examining humankind at war except perhaps with little glimpses: “The Wounded” and “Chains of Command” on TNG. The Klingon war that was mostly elsewhere on DS9. Now though with the Dominion War, Trek is going to look our darker nature right in the eye, pick up a mirror and hold it up to our violence. It’s going to make for some of the most compelling television ever filmed; it’s also going to make sure we get a good look at us when we don’t decide “not to kill today.”

NEXT MISSION: Season six opens with the war going poorly for the Federation allies, and Sisko decides it’s “A Time to Stand.”

#star trek #Star Trek: Deep Space Nine #DS9 Rewatch

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suburbantimewaster · 5 years

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Most Hated Characters

This is a list of characters I hate because they’re poorly written, not because they’re written to be hated. So Joffrey from Game of Thrones is safe.

Ross Gellar (Friends): Where to begin with this guy. He obsessed over a girl since high school and, when he gets together with her, acts like a possessive douchebag to the point that he doesn’t like Rachel going to a work lecture with a colleague. Then complains about her actually having a life outside of him when she gets a career in fashion. Even though, earlier, he didn’t like that Rachel was just a waitress. Not to mention his misogyny, where he refuses to hire a male nanny who was qualified in every aspect expect for being a man. Then makes a huge deal about Ben playing with a Barbie doll. Not to mention that he whines and whines about every small thing that goes wrong in his life, even though a lot of them are his own fault. People who complain about the live-action Jafar being too whiny seriously need to take a look at Ross Gellar, the king of whine.

Dawn Summers (Buffy the Vampire Slayer): While I absolutely love this show, and Buffy Summers is my hero, there is one thing I would desperately change about this show and that is Dawn Summers. Don’t get me wrong, I loved her whole key arc in season 5 but, in season 6, I just wanted to strangle her. She complains constantly about how Buffy doesn’t spend enough time with her because she has to work at a crappy job to support her. Which, if Dawn hadn’t purposely flunked her classes, Buffy wouldn’t have had to quit college and get anyway. Dawn regularly does stupid stuff, such as accidentally inviting a vampire in the house, and we’re supposed to side with her because “she’s just a kid.” Other than being the Key, this girl contributes nothing to the show. They should have just killed her off in season 5 instead of introducing that stupid plot hole just to keep her.

Every Single Character in the Big Bang Theory: That’s right, I hate them all. Sheldon for being a whiny spoiled brat, Leonard for being an entitled “nice guy,” Howard for being a perverted manchild (the latter staying even when he married Bernadette), Raj for being a whiny douchebag, Penny for acting like an entitled alpha bitch who mocks the guys’ interests even though they’re scientists and she’s a waitress, Bernadette for being an evil bitch to the point of making Howard give up his Tardis (I’m never forgiving her for that), and Amy for being every bit as evil and manipulative as Sheldon, even though she’s supposed to be the one that suffers. That’s right, everyone in this show has done something that makes me want to throw my shoe at the TV and my mom and I continued watching it just for the sake of completing it. Don’t get me wrong, I watch many sitcoms where the characters are insufferable douchebags, such as Seinfeld, but the difference is that the writers embraced the douchebags and rolled with it. Not try to make us sympathize and say that they’re good people deep down, which they’re not.

Ahmed (Thief of Baghdad): Okay, I did like his storyline in the beginning about how he learned not to trust his Grand Vizier Jaffar (the one Jafar was based off of) and how he went out into the world but, after that, everything interesting about him goes out the window. Throughout the movie, all he does is whine about his nameless princess and how he can’t live without this girl he knew for all of five minutes and who he met by breaking into her garden. The first time I watched the movie, my thoughts were “My God, shut up about your stupid princess already.” Is it any wonder that, when the movie was out, so many women wrote to Conrad Veidt saying that they would’ve chosen Jaffar over Ahmed any day?

Jack and Kate (Lost): That’s right, I gave Jack and Kate an equal spot. I’ll admit, Jack got cool at the end when he was all about the island but it doesn’t make up for seasons of bad writing we had to sit through about how everything on the island doesn’t make sense. Jack, you live on an island with a giant smoke monster and you saw your father’s ghost. The laws of reality are being severely challenged for you. Also, you had no proof that not pushing the button wasn’t going to blow up the island and you were willing to risk everyone on said island just to prove that you were right. Not to mention all the pointless flashbacks I had to endure starring you, such as that stupid flashback about the tattoos. It couldn’t have been something he did in medical school when he was drunk, it has to have some super special significance. Kate, on the other hand, started out cool but quickly became disappointing. You had a hardcore criminal on the show and her major plot was her stupid love triangle between Jack and Sawyer. Her reason for killing her stepfather (actually her real father) wasn’t because he was abusing her but because he was part of her. Seriously, what the fuck? She forces herself into the final climax by shooting the smoke monster, even though she had no personal conflict with him, and she wanted to get off the island, despite being a wanted criminal. I know some people have to want to leave the island, but you have to give them a legitimate reason. Wouldn’t it be more interesting if Jack wanted to leave and Kate wanted to stay, giving them a conflict that didn’t have to do with the love triangle?

Wesley Crusher (Star Trek: The Next Generation): The very character who started the trope Creator’s Pet, which used to be called The Wesley. He was the irritating boy genius that was smarter than everyone, even the super smart robot. Wesley played around in Engineering on duty, seeing how he could boost the sensors. When Data asked how I was asking why. He’s forced into the plot just to prove how smart he is, one time being given command of an entire project filled with older and far more experienced officers. He’s the only one who figured out that Data was Lore, even though it was super obvious to the point that a 5 year old could’ve figured it out, but everyone else was taking their stupid pills so that Wesley can look smart by comparison. Even Will Wheaton himself admitted to hating the character of Wesley Crusher. This is how NOT to write a boy genius while Peter Parker from the MCU is a great example of how to do Wesley Crusher right.

Neelix (Star Trek: Voyager): Words cannot describe how much I hate this stupid alien. He was supposed to be the breakout character of Voyager, a combination of Odo and Quark, and he came off more like Michael Scott on a starship. When he wasn’t incessantly bugging Tuvok, who made it very clear that he wants to be left alone, he was making adjustments to recipes no one asked him to make adjustments to. Neelix also forces himself into situations where he’s not wanted or needed, such as insisting that he be part of the security team. Not to mention his possessive jealousy over Kes makes Ross Geller look like a supportive boyfriend.

Connor (Angel): Meet the son of Angel and Darla that nobody wanted. He’s an unlikable bigot who tried to kill Angel and, even though he was misled, wouldn’t even consider that he was wrong. Then there was that whole Jasmine arc where he knew all along that Jasmine was evil, but went along with it anyway. At no point does he try to help Fred, who’s been there for him and cared for him, and he screws over not only the Angel crew, but everyone on Earth because he went along with a lie. Supposedly it was because it was “the best lie he’s ever heard,” but if that’s supposed to make me feel sympathy for him, you’re barking up the wrong tree. He got less annoying once Angel rewrote his memory.

Lana Lang (Smallville): I have saved the best, or worst, for last. Meet Lana Lang, Clark’s love interest who’s so amazing and strong, even though we never see evidence of either of that. All she does is get captured, have various stalkers declare their undying love for her, mope about her dead parents, who died before she could even remember them and was raised by a loving aunt and makes Clark mope about how he can’t be with her. She’s supposedly running the Talon (the coffee shop), even though she’s in high school and has no business training whatsoever. So many men declared their undying love for Lana Lang, it was ridiculous. This small town nobody had more stalkers than Lex Luthor, and he was the heir of a wealthy entrepreneur. Later on, she gets tougher by learning martial arts in the span of one day and ends the show by getting navy seal training. Then we have to have this whole sad scene about how she and Clark can’t be together because she sucked up kryptonite inside of her. Though, when they were together, she wasn’t really a great girlfriend considering that, when Bizarro replaced Clark, she had to be told by Chloe that her boyfriend’s an imposter. When Lana leaves the show for good, you’d think we’d get a break from it but no, we have to hear over and over about how amazing Lana is and how no one can ever dream of matching up to her perfection. Every time people talk about what an unbelievable Mary Sue Michael Burnham from Star Trek: Discovery is, I want to show them Lana Lang.

#most hated characters #wanted to do this for awhile #i got bored #trying to kill time

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