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poppy-metal · 3 years

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okay i know you're rightfully on some maid eren shit which is VALID and i LOVE it but i have this bully eren idea my friend gave me and on god i am about to BUST i have to share it with SOMEONE. it's part of my shitty nightmare craigslist roommate eren yeager cinematic universe i have in my head

you don't have to respond to this, even keep it to yourself if you like it, but i just! have to get it off my chest. i might post it to my blog but i just feel like you would appreciate it, so i wanted an opinion from the CHRIST of eren yeager headcannons themselves.

so my friend and i were shooting off some headcannons and we came up with this idea and one second i just need a moment to recuperate myself and that's super shitty NIGHTMARE craigstlist roommate eren yeager and when i tell you it has RUINED my life i mean it has RUINED my life.

ALSO I HAVE NEVER SUBMITTED MY SMUT HEADCANNONS TO SOMEONE BEFORE? SO IDK THE ETTIQUITTE SO I AM SO SORRY IF I MADE U UNCOMFY. IF I HAVE PLZ IGNORE ME.

- so like imagine, you're hard up for a roommate and so you hit up craiglist b/c you know the state of the economy is absolute SHIT and you are kind of in a rush. you end up moving into this two bedroom apartment with some dude on craigslist (eren) whose roommate just moved out.

- you don't know it but eren can't keep a roommate to save his LIFE. it's because he's just such an AWFUL roommate. like plays videogames all day. homie has a shit ton of money but literally NOBODY knows where it comes from or where he works. he just disappears and comes back he says it's "work" but never actually says where he works.

- throws his feet up on the coffee table and shit, doesn't wipe off his feet when he comes into the apartment, leaves cups out, just does not pick up after himself. eats the last bit of your food but gets mad when you do the same to him, uses your extra toothbrushes, just overall leaves a mess.

- the worst part? his room is IMMACULATE. he is FULLY capable of keeping clean, he just likes to crack open a can of whatever the fuck he drinks on the couch, throw his feet up on the table, and watch you bend over and pick up stuff in an angry huff with very steely eyes. this man's eyes are on you ALL the time.

- for the most part u put up w/ it because you're just that hard up for a roommate, but the final straw is when he leaves his dishes in the sink for like a week straight

- you storm from the kitchen into the living room in an absolute angry huff, face scrunched up from anger, and start just laying into him about doing the fucking dishes like "it's just not that hard!"

- the entire time you're raving, he just sits back - hands behind his head. "you done?"

- stands up, puts all the dishes up - in a way that you HATE that's not even CORRECT because he has studied the way that you put up the dishes like in the few months he's made living for you hell he has picked up on your small habits.

- now he's sitting down on the couch again and you're still ranting and raving at him. he looks super pissed off now.

- also did i mention the sexual tension between u two is IMMACULATE?

- while you're in the middle of raving, kicks over his soda that's on the table and gets it all over the carpet.

- now you're pissed and just raving and bitching. because who the fuck does that?

- pushes u on ur knees, bends you over, presses his cock into your ass and keeps u there for a second - grabs a rag from the table, stuffs it in ur mouth, and know what this fucker says?

- "clean it up. you might want to get further on your hands and knees -" presses his cock into you, which is obviously very hard against u, "make sure to get nice and deep in there"

- leaves to go to his room leaving u shook as fuck. obviously u clean it up b/c holy fuck

- tension builds up over the next several weeks and u get closer to levi and erwin, ur local next door gays (or roommates, depending on if u ship them or not). levi won't admit it but he loves u a lot and so does erwin.

- eren being really unhappy b/c ur spending so much time with the next door neighbors and not letting him terrorize you

- starts banging on levi's door one day, demanding to know where u r. levi answers the door. obviously he can see you over levi's short ass head but homie is a real one and is like "she's not here"

- "i can see her she's right -"

- levi wacks eren several times with the broom until he goes away.

- so u come in late that same night and homie is seething. this is where the sexual tension BUSTS.

- so u open the fridge bc you're looking for water, right, bent over and he comes in b/c he heard u come in (he's been waiting for u to come back all night).

- very stealthily slips behind you, presses his crotch against ur ass, and gives a nice comfortable shove - wedging u in the fridge

- reaches over u, his chest pressed against u, grabbing the water you wanted.

- sits there with his crotch pressed into u, slowly drinking the water while ur sitting there, squirming, trying to press ur way out of the fridge, but his hips have you pinned there. u don't know why ur turned on but holy HELL you're turned on. ur pressing ur ass into him and everything, trying to grind into him a bit. you claim to do it b/c ur trying to push him off but he knows why you're really doing it. the entire time u r stuck there, water from the shelf above is just dripping on you. it's cold as fuck bro and ur nipples? hard b/c it's cold.

- gets halfway through the water and go "i don't think i want to drink it anymore" dumps the other half of the water on u.

- you are dripping in water, t-shirt clinging to u. homie is marveling at how tight ur shirt is clinging to you, how cold you r when ur shivering.

- pulls you up by the neck from behind and closes the fridge so he can press u against it

- he's whispering in ur ear, asking if u had fun fucking the neighbors b/c "you seem like the kind of slut who would enjoy something like that". it's not like that at all but homie is a jealous guy.

- oh yeah did i mention he's a jealous guy?

- has his fingers in his mouth while he fucks you from behind for the first time, head pressed against your work schedule that's pinned to the fridge, asking you a slew of shit like

- "do you like that?"

- "i bet you like cleaning up after me like a lil maid"

- i mean he is absolutely ROCKING you against that fridge, fingers in your mouth snapping his hips against urs

- "you've just been playing coy w me the entire time, i bet u've been thinking about this for months - i know you have. i can see the way u bend over to put on a show for me when you clean up after my mess like a good lil housewife. good girls just don't wear panties like that and bend over not expecting to get fucked. bet you been waiting for this, dirty whore" ext. ext. ext.

anyways i am so sorry if this made you uncomfortbale?

again, haven't submitted anything like this in my life before?

oop.

thank u for ur time.

#ask #EXCUSE ME????#HELLO #U SENT TBIS TO ME FOR FREE???#Im so turned oh my god #HIM HOLDING U AGAINST THE FRIDGE #JUST HIM BEING A MENACE OH MY GOD #CALLING U A MAID #FUCK #eren jaeger smut #bc this is a whole drabble in itself

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whereconfusionisarhyme · 4 years

Text

First Reactions To Logan’s Playlist

K first song let’s do this

White and Nerdy-Weird Al Yankovic

Wtf this song was definitely Joan’s idea I mean who else would think of ‘White and Nerdy’ for Logan

Is this like canon he listens to this stuff or like songs about him???

Not Perfect-Tim Minchin

TIM MINCHIN

Bo Burnham better be on Logan's playlist

#deep

Is this about the mindpalace/inside of Thomas’ head??? Cause like???? Ouch???? I think????

Lol nvm it’s not sad lmao

I take back my take back it is sad

So this could be literally “in his mind” or it could be figurative and it’s really messing with my funky flow

Streaks-ANIMA!

Cool instrumental

Love the voice sounds a little like MARINA and Regina Spektor

Oh no I’m two lines in and I can tell it’s gonna be sad

OH NO CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST AHHHHH

Wow Logan is just out here being relatable isn’t he smh 😔👊

"Cause you're a smart kid, but you're still a kid" LOGAN REALLY BE OUT HERE BEING RELATABLE ON MAIN

The Elements-Tom Lehrer

Sounds like what piano class would sound like if I took piano class

Something you would listen to in science class

Bop

Medicine-STRFCKR

A Fever You Can't Sweat Out vibes

Lmao nvm

Gonna go look up the lyrics rn brb

A sad bop

Philosophy cool

Human-Tank And The Bangas

Logan playing this to comfort himself because this singer is the only person who has ever told him this

WHO HURT LOGAN WITH THEIR WORDS

LOGAN THE HEART SKIPPING COMMENT ARE YOU OKAY IM GIVING YOU A HUG

GUYS LOGAN IS TRYING TO CONVINCE HIMSELF THAT HE MATTERS IM NOT OKAY

Last???? Relationship???

Okay I'm not a shipper BUT my theorist analysis obsessed brain is just SCREAMING about Roman and Patton

Observation: Logan is probably atheistic and this song covers God a lot. I don't have a conclusion or anything just pointing that out

This woman do be calming tho like yes I'm beautiful yes I'm special thank you

Okay so I already knew Logan wasn't okay but he 100% isn't okay

Fittet Happier-Radiohead

K two words in and I can tell this is gonna be sad here we go

Employees? Or maybe…other sides?

Minor key ok

SELF HARM ISNT OKAY

"WILL NOT CRY IN PUBLIC" NONONONO

So I heard of a good therapist just downtown-

The Watchtower-The Dø

I paused it cause I need a second after the last one

Guys as someone who dissosiates a lot I think Logan might be dissosiating

Dissosiating to protect himself from his emotions

Y'all just trust me in this one

Coming for the TØP brand I see

K ready to start again here we go

Fire beat I'm vibing with it

Is he trying to distance himself from his emotions to try and perform his tasks better like watching from a Watchtower???

This is the first character I've seen that might dissosiate which only means one thing

I'm gonna be projecting an unholy amount in my fanfiction

"No one in particular" hon who hurt you

City Lights=Emotions (which he considers distractions)??? Maybe??

I'm a William Finn fan come on this isn't my first rodeo

Art Is Dead-Bo Burnham

BO BURNHAM I WAS RIGHT

We all love some good Imposter Syndrome (tm)! :D

This gives Learning New Things About Ourselves' a whole new meaning

Ngl this is the first time I heard the degrading of the piano at the end and I'm here for it

In My Mind-Amanda Palmer

Oop we LOVE setting up impossible expectations for yourself to the point you have a cripplingly horrid self esteem! :D

Logan I've done this before and trust me it isn't worth it the mental breakdowns are too taxing

I'll do it when I'm older=I'm never gonna get around to it

I don't wanna be the person I wanna be either

Why do I perfectly understand every lyric am I ok

Live!!! While you!!!! Can!!!!

At least there's a happy ending

Okay so I've decided that once I'm done I'm gonna make a list of songs I think would fit in the playlist

Algorythym-Childish Gambino

K its spelled incorrectly get ready for some metaphors my dudes

Intro is cool definitely very very Logan WOAH OKAY CHAIN SMOKER

Gonna go look up lyrics I don't understand shit

The chorus sounds like Thanksgiving at my Aunt's house where like 100+ African American relatives blast house music and dance until their feet falls off

Nvm no it doesn't

GO OFF

ELPHABA BETTER WATCH OUT CHILDISH GAMBINO IS COMING FOR YOUR BELT

Adlibs are everything

Letter C-Zach Sherwin

This gives off the same vibes as that one pickle video by Charlie Puth

Roman vs Logan rap battle but it's this

I don't really see why this is related but sure

Time Adventure-The Marcus Hedgehog

Nostalgiaaaaaa

Okay Logan has too many songs talking about one (1) person who is it

I have a gut feeling that it's about Thomas and how Logan used to be enough "back then" but now he thinks he's not cause like let's be honest when was the last time someone gave Logan a strong sincere thank you for all that he does????Excluding DWIT (which doesn't really count in my opinion cause they said he was cool, not like an integral and arguably the most important and powerful side) nobody really appreciates Logan???? Hugs???

Anyway plz ignore this is just how my brain works

K next song

The Breach-clipping.

OKAY SLOW DOWN IM GONNA LOOK UP LYRICS

Is this Daveed Diggs???? I haven't listened to Hamilton in like forever is this Daveed Diggs???

LITERALLY PERFECY PARRALLEL TO LOGAN AND THE SIDES

Sound effects

Really just gonna fry my eardrums like that huh

What I Do For U-Ra Ra Riot

Okay scrap anything and everything I said about it being the sides Logan is 100% talking about Character!Thomas

Erase Me-Ben Folds Five

Ooh this intro reminds me of this one particular musical songs but I don't remember which one

Wait have I listened to this before????

I've listened to this before!

Okay I need to stop being distracted

NOOOOOO don't Erase Yourself!!!!

Logan really just do be having no Self Esteem don't he

Okay so theory: Logan didn't pop up in person in the last video because his eyes were too red from crying

I have 0 evidence so it's not a very good theory but…

Just throwing it out there

One More Time with Feeling-Regina Spektor

Oh no it's Regina Spektor

Oh no I'm gonna cry

Okay so Logan doesnt wanna block of all emotion, only permit some to show???? But most of the time block everything????

Did I get that???

Nobody!!!! Thanks!!!! Logan!!!!

Awww he just wants love and recognition

Tbh this sounds a lot like Roman they have so much in common despite their constant arguing

Galaxy Song-Monty Python

Ooh Monty Python

I haven't listened to Monty Python so I sadly don't know the context

Really just dissing all of the other sides aren't we

Can't really blame him tho

Very scientific

"Yeau~"

Sweet with dark undertones. Love it.

Equation-Hans Zimmer

Later I'm gonna check the equations if they're correct XD

Sunrise-In The Heights

!!!!!!

WHO???!!!!!

K to this is one of my favorite love songs ever it's just so sweet and as someone who's bilingual the concept is just amazingly wonderful so yeah I may be freaking out

Also because WHO??!!

Okay I said I wasn't a shipper but let's be honest this is probably about Roman not romantically but like

OR MAYBE JANUS???

IM SO CONFUSED

But Logan is definitely Nina in this situation it just fits so well with her character for the same reasons I really wanna play her (but never will cause I'm exactly 0% Latin American smh) yeah the pressures to be the smartest and then it backfiring horribly and oh God what if Inùtil is also in the playlist ahhhh

Okay moving on

Lifeboat-Heathers

WHAT

CONFORMITY RELATED ANGST LOGAN STOP BEING RELATABLE AHHHH

IS THIS CAPTAIN THOMAS??? THE OTHER SIDES AS A WHOLE??? AN ABSTRACT CONCEPT???

IM NOT OKAY

Bohemian Groove-Will Connolly

Okay I'm still not recovered from the last song but I need to continue or else I'm never gonna finish this playlist

Eeecccchhhhhoooo

Your friends haven't surpassed you Logan you belong with them okay????

Emptiness despite success??? Millennial who???

Vibing with it but also are you okay

Nvm I know the answer already

Hug All Ur Friends-Cavetown

Okay so Logan is a Cavetown gay noted

Self validation??? Who's she???

Lies. You care so much about what other people *sides* think about you

Maybe Logan listens to this song to remind himself to not care too much

But it doesn't work and it's getting to him more and more

That took a turn

Breathin'-Thomas Sanders

Good move

Don't really have much to say on this

The Bidding

Spoopy

Alchoholic!Logan

New idea for us fan writers

The pronunciation of beurgoise

Okay I'm like pretty certain at this point that all of the songs that mention a someone else is about Character!Thomas

A Better Version

OHMYGOD I LOVE THIS MUSICAL ITS SO UNDERRATED I HAVE LISTENED TO THE SOUNDTRACK AND UNGODLY AMOUNT OF TIMES YESSSSS

But also since I know the song in terrified cause the feels are gonna come in I just know it

Wait so is Jayce supposed to be Thomas???

I am suddenly feeling much more uncertain about my certainty

Okay let me unpause and just listen to it (even though I already know all of the lyrics)

Okay so I'm a dumbass and apparently this song isn't even part of the playlist

Okay so I'm an idiot and the last few songs have all been "related to playlist" and not in the actual playlist I'm big dumb.

Anyway here's my list of songs I think would fit. (BTW, I only went off of lyrics for these ones. I realize that there’s a general sound and vibe for the playlist, but I decided not to follow it.)

Oh No! ~ MARINA

Hug All Ur Friends ~ Cavetown

Bohemian Groove ~ Will Connolly

Guiltless ~ Dodie Clark

Lifeboat ~ Laurens O’Keefe

The Bidding ~ *idk who*

I Am Not A Robot ~ MARINA

Inútil - Lin Manuel Miranda

Through The Eyes Of A Child ~ AURORA

Community Gardens ~ The Scary Jokes

Let me know if I should do this with the other playlists as well! :)

#sander sides #ts sanders sides #sanders sides #thomas sanders #tss #logan sander angst #logan sanders #ts logan #logan’s playlist #first reaction #self harm mention #tw self harm

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