In the morning session, it took time and a bit of conscious effort to get my attention to meditate. In the distracted moments, I was at the shallow surface of my mind. The shallowest parts of our minds have memories of recent events that continue to remain unresolved in our heads. Thankfully, every attempt at placing my attention with meditation resulted in profound depths of mind. It’s the greatest return on the investment in the meditation habit.
During the nightly session, it was clear from the very beginning that I was with an entirely new depth of mind. There was a vast sense of space behind shut eyes. That’s so different from the usual. Usually, I am facing a clutter of in-your-face imagery generated completely by the residual restlessness in the deep end of my mind.
One tires of mental imagery. One tires of it soon after entering the subconscious mind. The subconscious makes it very clear that the analysing waking mind isn’t all that there is to you. There is an equally limitless parallel world in the subconscious. The feeling of familiar exhaustion towards imagery doesn’t change even after the images come soaking in Peace in the deepest end of one’s restless mind.
The nightly session began with me getting a glimpse of acquiring the correct focal length with my gaze behind shut eyes. Fixing my gaze is a rare and short lived event within my meditations. My gaze is fixed because I have somehow managed to reach my attention to that part of my mind where there is no restlessness of mind. Presently, I am probably just touching the surface of the layer of mind that doesn’t move at all.
Fixing the gaze has been a rare, irregular and short lived event in a recent few meditation sessions. Yet every time it has occurred, I have found myself looking at something while tucked behind shut eyes. And I have been most aware that what I am looking at is not mind-generated imagery. The fixed gaze fixes on visions in the present. The fixed gaze is the filter that removes moving images churned out of deep rooted restlessness. Such relief. All the pics from one’s best holiday can’t add up to give the joy a second of fixed gaze can.
In the decades gone by, there have been many many meditations where there is a distinct pattern of session. The session begins with my very best. As the session advances, my concentration lowers gradually until I find myself meditating in the previously held highest level. Last night’s session was similar.
Last night’s session ended with me hearing sounds in my head. Muted ticking sounds in the head were followed by strong involuntary bodily shakes. I went from vast expanses within to hearing things to dissipating large gathered energies. Never thought that I’d be in a position to say that I have begun outgrowing the meditational depth of hearing ticking sounds in my head.
i've had to eat a lot because i've been around other people and have more events like that this week and its stressing me out. i'd be below 60kg already if i hadn't been around others, now i'm 61kg again and feel sick.
the more i think about this situation with my mom the more i want to starve and hurt. i want her to see how sick she makes me and what she's done.
And as usual we have the reoccurring numbers: 1, 9, 13, 10, 8, 11.
And the ever reappearing rainbow as well.
And then we have PolyC
posting about a day way back months ago, when we saw JK out and were wondering who it was he was dining with.
Same day, all the way back in November 22.
I guess we just got our answer.
If anyone had doubt about how close PolyC was with both JK and JM, I guess we have been getting confirmation from PolyC himself that he indeed is a close friend to them both.
All these like, draw me a tattoo, like, how am I gonna draw you a tattoo? We're here to sing songs. I'll give it to you at a later date, definitely, but we're here to sing songs. I can't do— I can’t, I'm trying to do the gig, innit? You know what I mean? For all these good people, you see. I'm only kidding; don't look so offended. Right, listen. Are we having a big night in here? 'Cause I’ll need it. I’ll need it. I need every single one of you. This is Holding On To Heartache. Don't get offended, love, I'm only kidding.
Those world cup Q matches are turning to be a free for all to pummel Harry tutter, it seemed to Sev
(even tho i wrote a description on my drawing list, i forgot what this supposed to be exactly so have dis gif)