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godsnameisjoy · 20 hours
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BROKEN PATTERN
Date: 18 April 2024
Duration: 62 minutes at 10:29 PM
Depth:
The pattern of alternating deep and shallow meditations broke yesterday after 2-3 cycles. I entered last night’s meditation expecting a deep type session. However, the session began with me going straight to the depths with a healing visualisation for a friend’s wife. I usually don’t begin with any prayers for anyone other than me. Last night, while still in the middle of the opening prayer for Gods and gurus, my attention raced to visualise healing in another.
As if that start wasn’t enough to disrupt the pattern, the doorbell rang! Thankfully, I didn’t have to disturb my posture. However, all attempts to race inwards to the point of undoing my hearing from ambient sounds was in vain. I never reached the depth I was supposed to, through the entire session. The saving grace about the meditation was that when my attention chose to wrap it up, there were only 4 minutes remaining on the preset 61 minutes timer. I affirmed for harmony a few times and managed to add a minute to the preset duration.
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godsnameisjoy · 2 days
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ALTERNATING SHALLOW
Date: 17 April 2024
Duration: 51 minutes at 11:06 PM
Depth:
Last night’s meditation followed the recent pattern of alternating deep and shallow meditations. Last night’s meditation was relatively shallow.
I shook with spinal vibrations a bit more than my usual and through most of the meditation. My sense of hearing wasn’t as interiorised as the night before. I heard the usual ambient sounds, unlike the night before last.
To conclude, my attention wasn’t cut off from the immediate outer environment and tucked well into the thick silence of peace.
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godsnameisjoy · 3 days
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THE NEW DEPTH
Date: 16 April 2024
Duration: 64 minutes at 10:21 PM
Depth:
Again, a session of great depth. My decades long post-kundalini practice seems to be in the middle of a pattern. I am experiencing alternating sessions of great depth and relatively shallow depth. During last night’s meditation, the experience of interiorised hearing was to such a degree that I didn’t hear any of the usual ambient sounds. It was just like how I have described it in my writing dated 14th April 2024.
There was evidence of movement having taken place while I meditated last night but I didn’t hear any of it. I love the new depth. To think of it, I have loved the experience of every new depth that I have arrived at in the last 24 years of my practice. However, the new depth is where peace has shown glimpses of one-pointed direction. That’s is different from the ever growing in all directions kind of peace that have already experienced for a few months now.
The language of peace is silence. For a quiet mind to take on direction reminds me of Swami Vivekananda’s Raja Yoga. In the book, He speaks of the meditator’s mind turning into a vacuum and being charged with a single charge. That’s how I remember what I have read. Back when I read his words, I didn’t have a well developed mental faculty to even imagine what it would be like. Now, thanks to blessing of a bit of experience, I am beginning to understand the words I read years back.
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godsnameisjoy · 4 days
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ADVANCED SHALLOWNESS
Date: 15 April 2024
Duration: 61 minutes at 10:22 PM
Depth:
Last night’s meditation was as shallow as the night of the 13th of April 2024. I shook much more than my usual due to spinal vibrations. Like the 13th, the upper end of the spine was unable to contain the one way upward flow of life energy during meditation. In fact, I think it is the upper half of my head with its shrinking cross sectional radii that’s unable to hold the kind of energy the widest part of my head has been able to.
The flow of life energy has been blocked to an earlier level at least a few times during last night’s meditation. I heard soft clacks and clicks coming from the centre of my head sometimes. I also heard much of the ambient sounds. Those used to be the highlights of my meditations back in 2023, between June and December.
It’s best that I don’t jump to any predictions about upcoming meditations knowing that the phenomenon of hearing the presence of life energy inside my head is most likely a phenomenon that has been phased out for me. The stream of life energy has places to go. However, its flow is facing the progressively smaller part of the upper half of my bulbous head each night.
It’s best if I keep up with my daily meditations.
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godsnameisjoy · 5 days
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INTERIORISED HEARING
Date: 14 April 2024
Duration: 64 minutes at 10:30 PM
Depth:
This was an incredibly deep meditation. It was so unlike the meditation from the 13th. On the night of the 13th, I shook against my will with spinal vibrations. I shook a lot more than usual. My head wasn’t able to contain the surplus of freed life energy in it.
On the contrary, last night’s meditation has evidence of interiorised hearing. Between June and December of 2023, I experienced the phenomenon of hearing sounds coming from inside my head. It was almost as if the stream of life energy wished for my attention to know that it was present in the centre of my head! From the beginning of 2024, the phenomenon of hearing ultra fine sounds of energy running through my brain capillaries, has been phased out.
I have been considerably sure about my hearing remaining interiorised through the first 3 months of 2024. I guess I needed a closing confirmation about it. I received it last night. Last night, once I felt that was done meditating, I opened my eyes to find about 9 minutes remaining on my 61 minutes timer. I was surprised to find evidence of stuff being moved in the room I was meditating in but it hadn’t caught my attention at all while I meditated.
My sense of hearing was interiorised enough to cut off my attention completely from everyday sounds. These are sounds that commonly bring my attention to the surface and I use them as cues to return to meditation. Last night’s deep interioistaion has been spoken of by Paramahansa Yogananda in his writings.
Paramahansa Yogananda has suggested working on one’s concentration. He has given the example of being so absorbed in one’s studies while in the college library that one doesn’t hear the hourly bell. He wants the meditator’s concentration to reach such levels of absorption. I may have arrived the level a few times during last night’s meditation.
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godsnameisjoy · 6 days
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TOO MUCH TO HANDLE
Date: 13 April 2024
Duration: 61 minutes at 11:13 PM
Depth:
This is what I think is happening in the present phase of my post-kundalini meditation practice. Peace energy has begun reaching its maximum capacity in my head. I’ll add the details in a bit. A brief history, for now:
I began taking interest in meditation back in 1999.
In March of 2020, I experienced my first spinal vibration.
At the end of 2022, peace that had been running up my spine during my meditations, breached my head.
In the first half of 2023, I have written many blog updates about peace energy pooling my peace deprived head.
In the last few weeks, I have had distinct experiences to suggest that the pooled energy is attempting a way out.
Adding the details:
Last night, I shook a lot due to spinal vibrations. When I made an effort to observe, I could tell that it was my head that was dissipating energy it couldn’t contain anymore. I remember writing about the head’s bulbous shape back in my meditation diary entries in the first few months of 2023. The peace deficit bulbous head has been able to pool peace energy. I have a feeling that the widest part of the bulb has been reached.
Now onwards, peace has to fill the upper half of the bulbous head. Or so it seems to me. Peace is experiencing an increasingly constricted space to move in. And peace can’t pool any less than what it has 😊because meditational growth is irreversible. So, after giving me a glimpse of peace finding its singular direction forward within my head, it chose to dissipate from head last night.
Peaceful life energy is a benign and benevolent force. It does not initiate any destruction in the form it flows in. All it has to do to allow its creation to die is to withdraw itself from the individual form. When an individual takes up meditation, life energy is freed by calming the mind and relaxing the body. Such relaxed surplus energy finds residence in the spine. Every meditation after peace finds such spinal residence is about peace moving towards its source. The individual is spiritualised while peace moves towards its source.
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godsnameisjoy · 7 days
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TORRENT ONLY
Date: 12 April 2024
Duration: 60 minutes at 11:42 PM
Depth:
Opening my eyes after meditating just to find the last few seconds ticking away on the preset 61 minutes timer was fascinating. It was the first time I was opening my eyes during last night’s session. I opened my eyes with mild reluctance. I had a feeling that I hadn’t spent enough minutes.
A false but real feeling of falling short in meditation duration can come about as a result of meditating at a relatively shallow depth of mind. In the current phase of my decades long practice, I am in between 2 depths.
The depth I seek is the depth I have a got a taste of. It is the depth when all previously pooled peace in the head, takes a direction. The depth I am hoping to outgrow is where peace pools in the head in a torrent. Last night’s meditation was of the second, shallow kind.
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godsnameisjoy · 8 days
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SILENT AFTERNOON
Date: 11 April 2024
Duration: 56 minutes at 10:59 PM
Depth:
Yesterday, I napped in the afternoon. For the first time ever, I experienced the silence of peace outside of meditation. The utterly silent zone has existed during my meditations alone until yesterday.
When one speaks of an imaginary subject like pink elephants, it is mostly imagination minus any feelings joined to it. However, if I was to speak of a subject that you have experienced eating many times before such as oranges, then it isn’t imagination anymore. It will be the sum total of every memory of several oranges that you have eaten before.
In reminding you of oranges, I make you relive the experience of eating them. That’s the power of remembering anything from one’s post kundalini meditations. With freed life energy running up the spine and inside the head, one experiences peace for the first time. And when one pools enough peace energy in the head, it becomes an experience to be recalled while snoozing in an afternoon in April.
The energy that runs life is beautiful because it is nothing but peace.
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godsnameisjoy · 9 days
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UNABLE TO RECALL
Date: 10 April 2024
Duration: 62 minutes at 11:31 PM
Depth:
I can’t remember the bulk of the session. In the last 9 minutes, I opened my eyes twice. My attention was suggesting that I had meditated enough. And my collection of inner peace was suggesting that I can carry on meditating despite my attention’s suggestion. These are the only minutes of the session that I have some memory of.
That leaves me with the first 53 minutes of the session to describe. They were spent in a mind space that’s located awfully far from the faculty of registering memory. I can’t remember a thing as I write this blog update in the morning after. In fact, I couldn’t recall anything immediately after I opened my eyes for the first time. I opened my eyes when I had 9 minutes left on the 61 minutes timer.
All I know is that the meditation left me more peaceful than ever before.
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godsnameisjoy · 10 days
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BRIMMING WITH PEACE
Date: 9 April 2024
Duration: 63 minutes at 10:48 PM
Depth:
I meditated at a depth of mind that the flow of life energy is trying to train my attention to outgrow. It’s a depth where inner peace is pooled enough in my head to find direction but the direction is not set yet.
At the end of year 2022, the spinal flow of energy had breached my head. It took a few weeks for it to become a regular meditation time experience. Surplus life energy in the head is perceived as inner peace. The whole of 2023 has been about meditations where I have pooled progressively more life energy in my head.
In June of 2023, I was granted the blessing of interiorised sense of hearing. From June to December, I knew exactly where the flow of life energy was at. I could hear it every time the brain capillaries clacked and clicked with its movement. In the first 3 months of 2024, the phenomenon of hearing what they refer to as Kundalini chakra sounds was phased out.
For 3 months now, peace has grown but it has been sans any phenomenon. An ever growing peace in every direction lacks the purposiveness of hearing sounds from a particular direction. I have missed the blessed phenomenon of hearing the presence of life energy in my brain’s blood vessels.
Now, it is just a handful of meditations that my attention has shown me all the pooled peace in my head to move. It is an intensely good experience. All I have to do to make the new experience a regular part of my meditations, is to keep meditating.
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godsnameisjoy · 11 days
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IMBALANCE TO TAKE CARE OF
Date: 8 April 2024
Duration: 34 minutes at 10:28 PM
Depth:
The reason for this meditation to have a short duration is to do with my body. Life energy had to correct an imbalance. Even though my attention remained with the pooling of energy in my head, I knew that I wasn’t going to witness any further movement of the newly found intense peace. I could sense the blessed force getting caught up elsewhere in the body. My attention was following the flow of life energy.
I could have gone on meditating after the first 34 minutes at that lesser depth of energy pooling instead of the newly found depth of energy flowing through my head. I chose to quit. 49 years old body parts could have done with some rest. I fell fast asleep.
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godsnameisjoy · 12 days
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PEACE ON STEROIDS
Date: 7 April 2024
Duration: 49 minutes at 10:23 PM
Depth:
The drop in duration for 2 straight meditations has little to do with the way I spent yesterday or the day before yesterday. Peace is the perception of freed life energy in the head. For 15 months, life energy has pooled in my head during every meditation. It is now a total of not more than 5 meditations that pooled energy in my head has shown direction of flow.
Peace has intensified in the last 10 days or so. Not in every meditation for the last 10 days has peace been at its intense best. It’s typical of meditational growth. One doesn’t grow out of an old depth and into a new one in one sitting. The phasing out of the old and phasing in of the new is as gradual as the meditator’s attention can handle.
Looking forward to another depth where peace flows through the head. May I be patient with peace finding direction.
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godsnameisjoy · 13 days
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VERY SHORT AND VERY SWEET
Date: 6 April 2024
Duration: 26 minutes at 11:49 PM
Depth:
My attention moved straight to the depth of intense peace the moment I began the opening prayer. It was great. To have about 20 minutes of powered peace was great. It’s just that my attention found the same too hot to handle.
I did try resuming meditation after such sustained depths but the gap between the previous day’s depth and last night’s depth felt like a bit too much. The previous night, my attention moved with the flow of peace and last night it felt like there would be a drastic change in mental terrain if I continued meditation.
With a tinge of regret, I stopped meditating much before I reached half time on the preset 61 minutes timer. As I write about it in the morning after, I feel a tinge of achievement. It’s good to witness any kind of flow in the life energy in my meditating head. For the last 14 months, I have happily witnessed my head pooling with peaceful life energy.
For peace to find direction while it travels through my head is reason for me to pray for a long life. I want to be able to see where peace goes in the next few 1000s of meditations.
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godsnameisjoy · 14 days
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DRIFTING IN PEACE
Date: 5 April 2024
Duration: 61 minutes at 10:56 PM
Depth:
My attention was done meditating after exactly 46 minutes of meditation. I returned to meditate for another effortless 10 minutes. For the last few minutes, I had to change posture to continue affirming for harmony. I felt happy to note that I hadn’t opened my eyes while in the changed posture and had completed with a few seconds more than the preset 61 minutes.
Maybe my attention sensed an entirely new depth coming up after exactly 46 minutes of meditation. I can’t be sure though. I was provided no clues of a new depth. The spinal stream of freed life energy breached my head back in the end of 2022. After a few weeks of an irregular presence in my head, peace has been part of my meditations for a year plus now.
A post peace meditation practice is interstellar in nature. I have had only 2 meditations so far with intense peace in it. The 2 meditations are recent. As I write this blog, I get the feeling that the 2 meditations are like a peculiar visual in Hollywood films about space travel. In the movies, the space vessel will be given direction and a short burst of power. And then, for a long airless (therefore, frictionless) stretch of space, the vessel will move without any directional power provided to it.
I see the 2 meditations of powered peace as well directed. And I see last night’s meditation as my attention moving in the direction and power which it was provided with, in the meditation on 4th of April. It’s the frictionless aspect of peaceful energy in the head that gives a false feeling of not having moved.
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godsnameisjoy · 15 days
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INTENSE PEACE 2
Date: 4 April 2024
Duration: 64 minutes at 11:10 PM
Depth:
I first opened my eyes when there were 7 minutes left on the preset 61 minutes timer. Just before I opened my eyes, there was that intense version of peace which I experienced on the night of the 2nd of April. Now, the count is 2. I have experienced intense peace twice so far.
In the meditation at night before last night, I didn’t have an experience of intense peace. I meditated in relatively shallow peace. The stubborn shallowness of it suggested that it had been a short meditation. I was proved wrong by the meditation app on the phone that said that I had meditated straight for more than an hour.
Last night’s meditation is exactly the opposite in quality. There was intensity of peace that suggested that I had meditated for long. It’s more a suggestion of the meditation being ‘complete’ rather than long. I opened my eyes 7 minutes before completing 61 minutes.
From the time I have begun my meditation practice, the meditation pattern has been more or less the same. There are meditations where I reach a point I have never reached before. These feel short. Historically, they have been left short. Interspersed with the feel-short meditations, there are those that feel long because they don’t have any new depth for my attention to deal with.
The difference between a pre-peace and post-peace meditation is that the presence of peace allows the attention to meditate even after the attention has shied away from an upcoming new depth. Last night, my attention had had enough meditation after the flow of peace had intensified by itself. However, it is the ever growing inner quiet that I have experienced in the new year that made it ok for my attention to meditate some more. I ended up adding 10 minutes after shutting my eyes.
I affirmed for harmony and peace in the last 10 minutes of the session.
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godsnameisjoy · 16 days
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IN EVERY DIRECTION
Date: 3 April 2024
Duration: 63 minutes at 10:19 PM
Depth:
There wasn’t any intensifying peace in the session like there was in the session before last night’s. I sat for meditation assuming there will be some new place a repeat of intensifying peace will take me but it turned out to be a presumption.
Since the first and large part of meditation occurred in a mind space that is relatively shallow compared to where peace intensifies, I got the feeling that it is a shorter than average meditation. I just kept going because I knew that I would risk not being able to resume meditation if I took a break in the middle of a shallow session.
The faculty of attention is built like that. If it can’t make progress, it will refuse to continue meditation. And there’s nothing that the aged ego and the powerful flow of life energy can do about it. Knowing well that my attention isn’t going to make much inward progress, I kept meditating in the shallow region of deep peace that isn’t intensely focused.
It’s good that I kept going. I ended up logging 63 straight minutes of meditation. This was a session of ever growing peace sans the direction such peace can take the from of.
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godsnameisjoy · 17 days
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INTENSE FLOW OF PEACE
Date: 2 April 2024
Duration: 61 minutes at 10:20 PM
Depth:
There was intensity of peace in this meditation. I have felt fortunate in my attention latching onto peace at a deep layer of mind. It has been this way for many months now. A regular presence of peace has come after so many years of meditating regularly that I don’t want to lose it.
Last night, while I meditated, it came naturally to me to point the collected peace at the general location between my eyebrows. However, as I write about it in the morning after, I feel like I took a risk. In trying to add intensity to my hard earned peace, I was risking losing it all.
If I was to imagine my Higher Self or my Spiritual Benefactor living in the Kingdom of Heaven, then the presence of peace is the much needed evidence that the door to such a kingdom has been unlocked for me. It hasn’t been swung open yet but it has surely been unlocked. I risk a re-locking of the door when I intensify my efforts at peace.
I must remind my conscious waking blog writing mind about a different possibility. If the intensifying process seemed natural while meditating, then it may very well be the flow of life energy pushing ahead rather than me making any conscious effort at pushing ahead. After all, the blessed energy that keeps my body running is literally the force of nature.
May my ego support the flow of life force rather than vice versa.
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