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returnofevolniki · 2 years

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So I've been doing a lot of work on this future Evol Empire of mine and I wanted to do everything right including my mini blog! I wanted to introduce myself, explain my vision I guess, explain why I'm starting out with a mini blogs on Tumblr, and provide contact information BUT right now I'm pissed and since I'm pissed and it's Friday I am hereby declaring every Friday from now on to be: RAGEFUL FRIDAY (keep in mind that this name may change!) So every Friday from now on I'm going to post a rage about whatever... whoever is pissing me off! So keep your eyes open today I have at least 2 bastard ass platforms that have it coming today! Eventually my rages will be turned into a list for everyone to use as a resource, you know a rage list for places to stay away from and a respect list for places that are ok in my book, lol! (I'm not sure yet which day of the week is gonna turn into respect day where I do the same and post about places and people who deserve a shot out I figure I'll just wait for it to hit me like it did today!) As for the other stuff, I promise to work on getting it up but my living situation is very unstable at the moment it's kind of hard staying on top of things when I have no clue where I'm gonna sleep every nite! And PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE that was not a call to action or a plot to get sympathy, it's an example of what this aspect of my Evol Empire is about, brutal truth, I'll share my completely fucked up life with you both past and present while you watch and participate in my beautiful redemption! I'll let you in on all my secrets; every time I fell and got back up, things I've done to survive or thrive it won't be long before you know it all! Part of the reason for it is selfish, I admit, opening up gives me a chance to let the bad shit out and keep it from festering, creating cancer, it allows me to vent! The other part, though, is the better part of me and it's something I sort of went to school for but also sort of not, something sort of close to a field I once worked in before I went out and got myself a nifty criminal record, oddly enough with all the higher education I've had (I'm a semester away from two different bachelor's degrees one in literature and one in behavioral science) it's something I learned about myself in rehab of all places! I learned that I was really really good at taking the worst parts of my past (and I'll get to that eventually but I've already admitted to being a homeless drug addicted felon who failed miserably at 2 possible civilian type futures I really don't wanna scare you away I mean this is my first real post and look at the shit that just fell out of my mouth!) So...Oh, yeah so I discovered I had a certain talent for taking my past, my shame, my own fall from grace and 1) unapologetically blurting that shit out cuz truthfully I just have no shame! And 2) telling the worst, darkest parts of my history in such a way that not only do I make it sound like a bunch of hilarious escapades bit by doing that I show others who have similar emotional scars but actually do carry shame and remorse, that there's nothing to be sorry for and that there is power in owning your history, EVERY SINGLE PART OF IT! So that's it, my first official post! I hope it was enjoyed, feel free to comment! Keep your eyes open for today's rage post and stay on your toes I'll be coming a lot more regularly now!

LOVE ALWAYS, EVOLNIKI

#say no to pollfish

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i-need-air · 3 years

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Hybrid!AU Wolf!Bakugou Katsuki HCs Part 2.

Summary: Part 2 is here! While in part 1 it was mostly adoption and how he'd behave with you as a roommate, part two is him ✨ realizing things ✨ followed by how he'd be in a romantic relationship.

Word Count: 2k words [ oops, I did it again ]

Notes: So I said it'll be out in a few days but three [3] people asked me for part 2 and I'm a sucker soooooooo!! I could've just written a long ass fic but whatever, I thought I'd make it shorter in headcanons... hah lol right. Enjoy!

Part 1 here!

× he's a wild wolf so he's very active; like you need to understand he needs to go outside if not he'd get impatient, more aggressive, snappy, so once you took him on an easy hiking trail near your house and he loved it so once or twice a month you both go together to different places [ he demands it ]

× it's hard to keep up with him bc he's literally genetically engineered to be better than any very fit human being but he slows down for you

× morning runs at 5 a.m. bc he's insane

× is also a grandpa

× watched all documentaries on any streaming platform you could provide to him, also loves reading

× as months pass and you start to have your routine in order, word comes to you that an acquaintance is looking for a security guard at his mechanical shop two streets away from your house

× you casually mentioned it to Bakugou because he was starting to act anxious whenever you'd leave the house, so you assumed he was extra bored

× seriously, the house was spotlessly cleaned, he cooked amazingly and was occupied with your old laptop and going around the city to explore, but you guessed he wanted more independence?

× little did you know you were right but so wrong lol

× so Bakugou stared at you intensely and asked "Where?"

× it was as easy as telling him the location, him nodding and you thought he'd consider it; you didn't put any pressure on him because he already did so much to help around anyway

× well guess what bitch, next day he comes up to you saying you gotta co-sign his contract [cuz fuck society] meaning he got the job

× he was perfect for it because tall, intimidating, muscular wolf guy? who'd even mess with him? do they have a death wish?

× well, even before this he started to be... soft

× but once you really did show him you support whatever he wants to do, you give him his freedom and liberty of choice, he just reaaally changes, man

× he gets touchy, like his hands stay one second longer on your skin, he uses any excuse to have them on you, even his eyes follow you everywhere

× like c'mon, it's obvious but you didn't wanna put too much thought into it because we're respectful here

× not like you had a big fat crush on him and slowly started to realize it too

× sike bitch he knows

× you think his super-hearing didn't catch the way your heartbeat spikes up every single time he touches you? *please*

× i think he knows before you know

× meanwhile he is working to discover his feelings too

× so your relationship slowly turns into a couple's like relationship but without anything official and of course no kissing or such [ sadly ]

× would get jealous easily

× basically because nothing is talked between you two and deep down is insecure

× why the hell do you smell like other people? was it just a hug or something else? hell, why would you even hug people when he's right there??? just ask and don't touch some extras????

× another thing he does is getting very close to you while you talk to somebody else; scoffs and glares at them too

× ok so!! gifts! he really appreciates any gift you give him but scolds you if you do because you genuinely don't need to do that

× of course he just scolds you and calls you an idiot so I do hope you already learned his language

× it basically means that you shouldn't have done it, he's really grateful but seriously you shouldn't have

× like that one time you saved up money to get him a good computer and he forgot how to speak for like an hour

× the softest thank you ever afterwards

× still sounded rough but he was shocked as fuck

× one thing that remained in your brain were his friends, as sometimes he'd mention them

× so you took it upon yourself to find them, of course with his permission

× gets genuinely overwhelmed and plays it off saying he wouldn't mind knowing where those idiots ended but you didn't miss the way his voice trembled

× for you to find them you needed names and any information he could provide so that's when he, after a long silence and a mesmerized look on his face, started really talking about his life

× which was fucked; won't get much into detail but he was indeed in a fighting ring, people came and bet on whoever was stronger, he even had to fight his friends, everything was filled with abuse and their conditions were subhuman...

× just overall awful

× you couldn't help but hug him tight, feeling him shake in your arms

× with a hesitant voice he asked if you really did think there was a chance to find them

× just couldn't believe how amazing he felt in your arms

× or how your determination that night made his heart clench and took a big weight off his shoulders

× anywho;;;; after his first paycheck he takes you out on cute dates

× never calls them that, just demands you dress up [helps you out cuz boy got style] and takes you to a nice coffee shop or something

× AND on your fifth not date cuz you're not official but there's this weird tension between you date he finally kinda s n a p s

× you honestly didn't expect the waiter to flirt with you, he came out as very pushy and even if you were a lil uncomfortable you smiled and brushed it off

× when the waiter suggested giving you his number the sandy blond hybrid growled

× which i shit you not made the whole coffee shop freeze

× and you froze too

× but neither of you could say anything because the oblivious fuck kept talking

× basically joking about how you should keep your pet in a leash, to which you got up, threw some money on the table, grabbed Bakugou by the hand and leave before he'd rip someone's head off

× it only took you to touch Bakugou's arm to calm him down as he followed behind you wordlessly

× so you stood outside, angry, deep red eyes on your figure

× and silence

× his hand still in yours

× it was warm and amazing and you felt angry but your heart was beating loudly; angry at the waiter that you wanted to go full Karen on and get fired but excited because that growl shook you to the core, as if you could tell it was territorial and it was because of that pig flirting with you and did Bakugou Katsuki just lace his fingers with you?!

× "Oi." he interrupted your thoughts

× he turned your frame towards him and pulled you [kinda harshly] into him

× you'd make a comment about it but brain empty, just Bakugou Katsuki blushing

× "You're mine, you get it?"

× skdjflglykshs

× it sounded like he asked but it was a demand so oops you're his now ok bye

× like I said, boy isn't dumb so he lowkey knew you felt something too

× legit from there on he's just soft as fuck

× has a hard time opening up but visibly tries for you

× still continues to be a pain in the ass, Bakugou Style, but with a loving teasing attitude behind it

× his eyes give him away all the time

× they shine whenever you're in his field of view so congrats because, and this is the best part:

× WOLVES MATE FOREVER 💕💓💞💗💝💟

× oh yeah, he's yours, no takebacks

× he isn't one to half-ass the relationship; you're his now and he'll do anything for you

× big time touch starved it hurts

× because he is shy

× so whenever you introduce him to hand holding and cuddles, he can't get enough

× not big on PDA [ and not recommended since human-hybrid relationships are kiiiinda frowned upon but it's getting better ]

× although at home it's another deal

× seriously cuddle him; he's big into the protector vibe so he's a big spoon almost exclusively unless it's to sleep on top of you

× speaking of! accept that even if your relationship isn't that intimate, he'd still hint about sleeping together in the same bed

× so you better catch on when he does because he'll just click his tongue and call you needy

× while dragging you to bed

× sleeps holding you, his nose in your hair or in the crook of your neck

× unless it's summer then stay on your side 💅

× you know those kisses that just scream "I can't get enough of you"? that's his whole kissing vibe in a sentence

× hell, even the gentlest kiss gives that vibe away and it'll 100% leave you breathless

× doesn't have experience but is a very fast learner

× pays very close attention to your body language

× really into biting your skin enough to leave marks

× wear his hoodies

× no, I'm fucking serious, wear them now

× his chest puffs and he turns into a blushing mess when you do it the first times because his scent is on you

× scenting is a big thing for him so of course he's gonna love it

× 10x more territorial because now he has a mate to protect

× jealous but trusts you

× still very jealous though

× let's all pretend he is definitely not scenting you before you go out because it's in his nature and it is embarrassing

× the first time he tells you he loves you it's when he's feeling vulnerable

× the search for his friends is still on-going, he feels less than adequate as a providing mate, is pissed at the world for treating him like an inferior animal when they created him, everything is piled on his shoulders and whenever than happens he closes off

× you notice immediately

× will not tell you at first

× it's only when you go to bed and he turns his back to you when you really know it's bad

× even if you fought before, he'd angrily snuggle you at night-time

× now it's so different

× hug him, whisper sweet nothings in his ear, pull a blanket all over you both and big spoon him, he'd start shaking and talking in no time

× will hide his tears from you but you'd know

× "You're the best fucking thing that happened to me, [Y/N]... I—... Shit... I love you so much."

× neither of you slept that night

× excuse you? drink some water and pray to jesus;;; you talked about feelings, ok? communication is key in a relationship, puh-lease

× [ i have this whole nsfw hcs post already cookin in my brain so maybe I'll make it happen cuz y'all know he has a mating season and all that comes with it 👀 ]

× back to being children of jesus here

× thanks the moon, the heavens and all the gods for putting you in his life; boy didn't believe in destiny but deep down he thinks you were meant to be

× you still better wash the dishes or you'll get your ass kicked.

Extra:

× you did find some of his friends, little by little, and even if he acted nonchalant, like k das cool, it was obvious he was extremely happy

× so they did get adopted too

× you got in contact with them on social media and they were all very excited about meeting

× so it was a chaotic meeting with a dog hybrid called Kirishima and a mouse like vibrat yellow guy called Kaminari

× they all were looking for Bakugou too since they were very worried about where he ended

× Kirishima shed manly tears when seeing Bakugou

× as they instantly welcomed you in their small group, they informed you both that the majority of the squad was adopted and they're in contact, while they're still actively looking for the others

× cue to the softest expression you've seen on Bakugou in public followed by "That's good"

× silence

× shock and silence

× Kaminari turning to you and whispering "You did this" with a hand on his heart, lips trembling as he wiped an imaginary tear

× insert instantly snappy Bakugou

× when everyone laughed and continued to make plans to meet up with the others, he just looked at you conversing with them, soft expression again on his features and his chest warming

× "Oh! Look, he's doing it again! Quick, take a pictur—"

× "SHINE!"

#bakugou katsuki x reader #noirewrites #hybrid!bakugou #hybrid!au #bakugou x reader #bakugou headcanons #bnha x reader

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jane-penvellyn-of-blackmoor · 4 years

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Nancy Drew #33 Midnight in Salem Game Review

So I gave in and paid the damn $30 to play the dribble that HER's pawning off as their latest game. While there has been major controversy within the fandom over the latest Nancy Drew Game and HerInteractive in general, I'm going to stick to just the game here. My thoughts and opinions on how HER managed the fandom after Penny Miliken came onto the scene have been made clear on my sh!tposts on my blog lol. So we're talking just the game here, nothing pre-start menu - that includes real world HerInteractive drama, none of that. So let's begin...

The Start Menu - Tbh I hated the start menu. It was like a FNAF game's opening menu, clearly made in Unity and the grass textures were nightmarish. If this were my first Nancy Drew game and this was the first sight I saw upon booting the game up, I would never buy another one again.

Voice Acting - Now before ya'll go off on "That's just your nostalgia talking, give it a chance" I will have you know that I tried, I really really tried to like the new voice actress for Nancy but ugh I can't stand it. She sounds like someone pretending to be Olivia Benson off Law & Order: SVU. Like I get they wanted Nancy to sound more like a modern teenager and less "Barbie voice" like Lani's voice would stray towards but letting go of Lani was their biggest mistake. If they had kept Lani as Nancy's voice - especially for such a drastically different game setup - would have helped keep fans fixed within the Nancy Drew world that we've been following for years. Everyone else was great, I especially liked Mei and Lauren's voices and the emotions expressed within them. Also Tourist Girl outside of the Town Hall needs to be brought back in the next game and have her lines recorded on actual recording equipment because what you did HerInteractive was hysterically pathetic and unfair. I don't know if that was a place holder that got overlooked or what but for a $30 game released by a company with so many quality games under it's belt - I expect better.

Storyline - Was pretty good. Fire, robberies, political unrest, sabotage, fraud, hidden wills, all things we've seen before a dozen times but they never get old. I think it's safe to say that the storyline itself is actually what kept me playing, however about half way through I did know it was one of two suspects who was the villian and the very next reveal ensured me which one it was. Still though good story.

Script - Whoever was in charge of the character conversations, for the love of all that is holy please water the interactions down! I felt like 99% of the game was never ending conversations about crap that wasn't useful to the plot. Like filler and fluff is great but conversations that drag on and on and on aren't fun. Have a character say a line or two, then it's Nancy's turn - all this monologuing has me flying through conversations just so I can move onto the next thing. Also some of the way the lines are written make it hard for the actors to read and sound authentic. Like "I can not." (versus "I can't.") levels of unauthentic lines.

Characters - Loved the different characters, would have appreciated more that had models you could interact with.

Puzzles - Needed way more puzzles. Like WAY more. It felt like there was less than 10 puzzles in the game and the majority were stupid easy, the only 'difficult' ones were easy once you understood what they wanted you to do which for some reason wasn't made clear at the start of the puzzle.

Mini Games - Loved making Johnny Cakes and mixing herbs.

Graphics - Horrific. I played on the highest settings of graphics on my HD computer, I had zero issues with it rendering or playing through as intended and smoothly - the graphics were still shit. I've seen better graphics in Barbie's Horse Adventures or The Sims 3. If you're entire argument of shifting onto Unity was for better graphics, HerInteractive, then you need to deliver and you failed miserably at that.

Navigation - I actually had zero issue with the 'swoosh' way we moved around. At times it felt a little restrictive (like in Town Square getting around the stage) but it was fine. I just actually didn't care for the camera tilt feature, it made things ten times more complicated trying to figure out what nooks and crannies they wanted you to notice and which they didn't. I'd happily go back to the old navigation and old engines but I'm fine with the new one so long as they work on making it better.

Cursor - Hated the new cursor, bring back the magnifying glass plz.

Location - I felt that the location of Salem, MA. wasn't utilized to it's fullest potential and that the layout of the town square and the maps of the city were surprisingly unsimilar to IRL Salem. I liked the aesthetic of Lauren's Shop, The Cemetary, The Hathorne House, and Olivia's Store but all of those locations fell victim to the game's graphics, still though props to the designer of those locations in the game.

Austrian Castle - This was jarring. To have a game so drenched in it's location of Salem then it starts off in Austria, it was weird. I get it that they were like "It's connected to the Salem Witch Trials cuz of da Judge dude" but it was super unnecessary and felt like a strange sub-plot location to a game set in Salem, MA.

Music - I liked the music, felt a little Harry Potter-ish at times and the 'indie rock' music they had that had zero lyrics was annoying but overall it was fine.

Witchy Stuff - I myself am a real practitioning witch, I am an ecclectic pagan wiccan and I know I am in the minority here but some of the puzzles were obnoxiously easy if you know anything about witchcraft. Like even the most basic level of witchcraft. If you ever skimmed through a wicca book in highschool with your edgy friends than you already know more than this game expects you to know. What pissed me off is that it's never actually explained to you. Like they bring up Samhain and fling the word around so it's all spooky and mystifying but they never once have a book or person discuss real Witchcraft with you. Like yeah Olivia is a 'real witch' or whatever and Lauren teaches you about mixing some herbs but it's still not like "Here is The Wheel of the Year, These are Sabbats and Esbats, This is an Athame, This is what we use brooms for we call them Besoms, etc" like the fact that we didn't get a wise old lady who was a clear rip off of Laurie Cabot teaching us about real Witchcraft in a very censor friendly and warm way pisses me off to no end. MISSED OPPORTUNITY HER!!!

Nancy's Behavior - So many times in this game Nancy behaved out of character to me. Like I get it, ya wanted to be all like "let's challenge her belief in ghooooosts!!" but it wasn't done correctly. Nancy wouldn't react to seeing ghosts like Scooby Doo and Shaggy.

Call Backs/Easter Egg - I appreciated the Easter Egg in this game being a literal colorful egg but it was a lame spot to hide it considering it was in plain view. However I appreciated the call backs to previous games with KoKo Kringles, Robotic Cats, and the Dear Sweet Charlotte jack-o-lantern.

Ghosts and Jumpscares - 10/10 best aspect of the game by far. The witch ghost over the bed actually got me really good and the ghosts in the underground tunnels were the best graphics of the game.

Pumpkins - Another charming part of the game that I actually enjoyed more than I anticipated. It was really cute and a fun stupid little thing to work on through out the game to find all the candles and put a pumpkin on each one.

Hardy Boys - PLEASE BRING THEM BACK FOR MORE GAMES AND NEVER STOP THE FRANCY SHIPPING. Also I could be tempted for Joe/Deirdre shipping js.

Overall - I'd rate the game a 4/10 and that's being nice. I liked it more than RAN but that’s really not saying much. It doesn’t come close to classic Nancy Drew Games.

Final Thoughts - I can't see any person who isn't a die hard Nancy Drew fan playing this and being like "Yeah I'll buy more of HerInteractive's future games!" like no. But I do see potential. I can see this as a beautiful beginning on a new platform making more immersive games. Or you know this could be the last game we get from HER and they close and go bankrupt and get flushed away and then the Miss Clue crew buys the rights for Nancy Drew and they make new Nancy Drew Games on the old platform with the old team....whichever works just fine for me :)

#nd mid #mid #nancy drew games #nancy drew mid #nancy drew midnight in salem #midnight in salem #mid review #midnight in salem review #nd 33 #nd review #nancy drew game review

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hooryayy · 7 years

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TWO YEARS TO THE DAY LATER and I am finally ready to share the story of when I fangirled hard enough to Edward James Olmos that he gave me a free autographed photo of him and Mary McDonnell

So this might get a tad longish, so I’ll be under a cut, but here is a brief summary: a Trump supporter pissed me off so much that despite me being high as heck on adderall, I had to go talk to EJO

In July 2015 I got my then romantic partner and his roommate to watch BSG with me so when I found out EJO was going to be at San Jose Comic Con in August, it only took a little bit of pestering to get them on board.

It was a 2-day convention and my always broke ass had to work late Friday night so we were only going to make it for half of the first day. Saturday morning rolls around and the boys are tripping out because our usual drug guy fell through. It was kind of a ritual for us to pick up some uppers anytime we went out of town, and tbh we were all heavily drug dependent back in those days SO you bet we took 2 extra hours to pop in and out of the city to pick up.

Finally dosed and got on our way, hit the usual weekend bay area traffic and arrived to the con at 3pm. We walked in and the line to meet this guy stretched wall to wall and I was immediately intimidated and tried to walk back out lmao. An announcement was made that they were ending for the day at 4, so I felt a lot less pressured to overcome my anxiety yet. Spent that hour in Star Trek collectors heaven though..

Rest of the eve/night we spent doing things GROWN ASS ADULTS shouldn’t be doing like sneaking into mini-golf and climbing trees with bottles of Jack and hot-boxing our hotel room while watching the series finale of Hannibal...

OK so Sunday. This was my day. We were having breakfast at the Red Robin in Morgan Hill with all the white families that just got done with church, the three of us doubled-down on 60 extended (okay this is a pretty big dose) and I’m starting to get anxious again (with or without the drugs it wouldn’t have mattered) like “I’m not/I can’t meet this guy, I don’t know how to approach him or even what to say blah blah blah” and the boys are getting mad at me because I talked about this for weeks (and planned what i wanted to say) and I’m being lame and I’ll be fine..

We show up to day 2, 12pm.. and literally no one is in line and now I am hella freaking the fuck out because literally it is only me that is stopping this from happening. My friend immediately walks up and shakes his hand and chats for a second and comes back and says the obvious that he is a nice dude, and I am like frozen, second hand embarrassment even though nothing bad happened. But my scared ass walks to the exact opposite corner of the building to slowly browse and psyche myself up for this.

so I got sucked in to this guy’s 90s scifi trading card collection, specifically the x-files binders lol and then he starts to make small talk and stuff, he asks what I study. OK I studied Political Science and Religious Studies, and it LITERALLY does not matter which answer I give it always starts something. but I choose the easier one and say politics.. and hooo boy

This fucker just goes off on me, saying shit like how stupid and lazy my generation is and that we don’t work hard, are entitled and have no idea how the real world works (the usual propaganda), and if we did we would be thinking about voting for Trump in the 2016 election (mind you this was VERY early on where Trump was still considered a joke even to the republicans)

Remember I am HIGH AS Shit. I am 2000% extra aware of and feeling the aggressive and hateful energy coursing through my veins from this interaction. Now Im sure he said other things I don’t remember because all I could do is focus on my breathing as to not get manipulated into whatever space this guy was trying to create but I heard a break in his rant, looked up, smiled and said “Thanks for sharing your collection with me” and dipped for the back exit to smoke 18 cigarettes.

Here is where I am letting myself get fucking pissed off, pacing and chain smoking. Neither of the boys are answering their phones. Then I realized how badass I was just then, and proud of myseelf for spiritually blocking out a nazi (again this is before they identified as such and punching them was a thing). I was like if I can handle this asshole, I can go meet Edward James Fucking Olmos no. problem.

I march back in and go straight to his table but then I took a detour to sit in a white folding chair about 20 feet away for 25 minutes first. Eventually one of his security dudes comes up to me and is like “Are you waiting for an autograph?” and I’m like “no, but I do want to talk to him for a minute if that is possible”

The guy asks for my name and we walk up to EJO together and he goes “This is Amy. She would like to talk with you.” And now I am realizing that everyone here is trying to gauge how severe my social handicap is.. but he puts out his hand to shake

“Hi, I am Ed.” I shook his hand!!

“I’m Amy. I just had the most awful interaction with a Trump supporter here so Im a little put off. He kept telling me how stupid me and my generation are and it makes me very grateful that you are a humanist and philanthropist. I’d recently watched the UN Panel and you talked about the invention of race as a tool for genocide and it means so much to me that you would use your voice and influence on that platform to address these kinds of things...”

and I trail off cuz Im about to ramble and shit and I noticed how he was just taking everything I said very seriously, like wasn’t expecting any of that at all. HE pauses and looks back up at me and says how special that panel was to him, that he’ll never do something as important again in his life. Then he asks me where I go to school and what I study, so I tell him and he is impressed with all the creds. Asks me if I am planning on going into politics.

“Not in the public sense. I want to do policy research targeting intersections of poverty, race, and education” And I swear to god his eyes snap up so fast to meet mine, like he is in admiral mode here and I am captivated. Straight in the eyes to me he goes

“We need you. All of us needs you up there doing that, fighting for that, for us. I have a feeling we are about to enter some tough times. I can tell you are special and it takes special people to make things happen”

I said thank you but I am about to burst into tears. I mean we all know this but let me reinforce it.. Ed is such an intense human and I had all 100% of this guy in my presence, overwhelmingly so, and I am mostly shook because he literally had no obligation to say anything. This guy fucking met me 5 minutes ago but he is ready to say that, and I sense he isn’t the kind of guy to just say shit. Also I AM STILL VERY HIGH lets not forget

So I change the subject because that other stuff is getting too intense for me, and I switch over to BSG lol and I ask him about Adama’s tendency to punish himself physically when he feels he has played some role in pain or negativity coming into his loved ones’ lives. He talks particularly about Adama’s alcoholism in season 4 and how he approached it as a combo of punishment and escapism (which let me tell you is..accurate). He finishes up his answer and all of a sudden I fucking blurt out for some ungodly fucking reason

“I love you and Mary, you are so cute together, I hope to meet her too”

Mortified. I am overstepping boundaries. I am dying inside and I can’t believe I got 3 thoughts out before I stopped.

He smiles and giggles and grabs this pic to sign for me for freeee and says “I hope you will too”

Amy- all of my love to you.

Like is that something he would normally sign for someone? Is that something anyone would sign to a random fan?

Anyways he gave it to me, I said thanks and I literally ran out of the convention clutching this picture to my chest and sat down against the building and started crying of the ultimate level embarrassment I could personally possibly be on. My boys find me and laugh at me and I cried the whole way home.

I still get major embarrassment even today just thinking about this interaction, no matter how well it turned out and how much of an impact EJO had on me.

Feels good to finally share my story in its entirety!! Thanks for reading

#first full account #im serious i have psychological issues surrounding this #personal #edward james olmos #spaceparents #sjcc

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canaryatlaw · 7 years

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Omg I'm so tired. Today was good, it was just LONG. Very long. Sigh. I'm so dead but I still have a lot to talk about and decompress from (if you haven't noticed by now, these posts are my main way of decompressing from my crazy days). Okay. So alarm went off at 7, got up and went to work. I look through the file for today's hearing for a while, then my supervisor asks if I want to go down to court and observe some permanency hearings and I can take notes and such to see what gets asked and all that. So we do. First is a 17 year old girl who's there, and also her 16 year old sister who wasn't there, so after they do the first girl for confidentiality reasons they ask her to step out for her sister's part and the GAL and someone else (I forget) were like "oh will she be ok out there on her own?" and I was right there so I volunteered to go sit with her for like 10 minutes, so we talked. Nice kid, wants to be a cop and looks like she's actually gonna make it to college (this is an incredibly sad fact, but the percentage of foster kids that make it to college is like 3%) so that's good for her definitely. They didn't take too much longer, and then there was another permanency hearing that took for fucking ever, but it was interesting, just sad too. The kid was a 12 year old girl who was there with her grandfather who's the foster father right now and man, I just felt so bad for this kid. Her bio dad is incarcerated and apparently her mom married this asshole and had another kid with him, then he starts smacking the mom around and starts hitting the girl too and the girl is telling her mom but she won't believe her daughter and like, when the girl talked to the court you could tell that she was just so hurt by all of it. Like just so so hurt to feel like her mother betrayed her like that and now she doesn't even want to be in the same room as her, which are pretty intense feelings for a 12 year old. She was really bright too, definitely a smart kid. She really didn't want to do any therapy which I understand, but the judge pushed her into saying she would at least try a few sessions because even if she's not feeling the effects of the trauma now it could affect her down the road. And of course the mom has substance abuse issues and gave a drop that was positive for cocaine in January. I seriously just wanted to hug this poor kid. And the mom is also refusing to let the girl have visits with her little sister, who's like all of 18 months old, as long as she's not visiting with her which is like, so fucking slimy but because the baby isn't court involved there's nothing the judge can do to make that happen (I'm gonna see if there's any case law on that though). And then he yelled at the caseworker because they weren't monitoring the little girl, who only didn't get removed from the home because she was living apart from the mom with her dad at the time (so now she's living with her abusive mom and domestic violence committing father, lovely) so now that she's with them both they need to be watching that. Then there was a whole debate on the permanency goal, because the caseworker was recommending guardianship but as far as permanency goals go you have to rule out the better more permanent options before getting to the less permanent ones, so the judge wanted to know why adoption wasn't being considered, so that was a big thing but he decided not to enter a goal for today and just continue it to the next court date, which makes sense at this point. I did remark to the grandfather and we were walking out that she seems like a really great kid, and he just smiled and was like "oh believe me, I know" and it was really cute. Sometime during my morning I had realized I left my lunch box in my fridge this morning like a fucking middle schooler, so I had to go run out and get food for lunch and dinner because I had packed both, lol. Got pizza first for lunch from that bakery that makes the best New York style pizza I've had in Chicago (I know, a bakery selling pizza sounds ridiculous but this place is just awesome) then ran to the deli to grab a sandwich for later. I got back and started writing up my questions based on the notes I took, and pretty soon it was time to go down for the hearing I was doing. We spent a while talking to the foster mom, and I was alone with her for a good 10 minutes while my supervisor handled another thing. She was really just pissed at the agency because she felt betrayed by how the kids almost got taken from her over the whole heroin dealing boyfriend incident, and some of what she said had legit points but most of it was kind of nuts haha but she was ranting so I mostly just nodded and placated her, saying I understood but as long as the kids are in the system we have to jump through these hoops until they can get officially adopted (she was upset they wanted her to do a psych assessment) and she seemed to understand that mostly. She did bring up God a few times and we had a good little exchange on caring for others and the blessing he puts on our lives. It was good. And then, we were ready to go and I was set to do my first hearing! Ahh, so exciting. It was fine, very basic, though it managed to go on for over an hour (and my feet were killing me by the end). The judge kept kind of interrupting and going on tangents with the worker but he was cool about it like "I don't expect you to know what specific things I want more info on, so I'm sorry for interrupting" which was fine with me haha. But yeah, asked my questions and they mostly resolved the remaining issues. There was a lot of discussion regarding services the kids should be receiving, I know they both have some sort of learning disability/mental processing issue so they need to be dealing with that, and they all want the adoption to go through already because it's already been 2 years since the parental rights were terminated. But yeah, it was good. It was like, 4:20 by the time we got out, so I went back to my office and pulled up my LARC syllabus hoping I could see what reading I had for class tomorrow only to find out the syllabus says there is no class tomorrow, because we're doing individual conferences this week! I was happy to hear that, lol. I headed out a few minutes early to make sure I could make it to the gym for my 5:30 class on time, which ended up being a good call on my part. My job is like, one train stop west and a few blocks south of my church, so I can generally take the bus up the blocks, then take the train west, except now that entrance to the train station is blocked off for construction, and the other entrance is a full two blocks down the road and did I mention it was like 20 degrees out? Yeah, fuck that shit that would make me late anyway. So I called an uber haha and got there in time. For ready, then somewhat confused about which class I was going to because I thought it was Krav Maga when it was really more grappling, which I'm fine with but it is more or less the same class I broke my wrist in so I hesitated a few times with that, lol, but it was mostly fine. There were 6 of us, and I was the only girl. The warm ups and class itself kicked my butt of course, though I do feel good at doing like somersaults and shit because I'm always able to land on my feet with enough force to stand straight up and it works well lol. Then we practiced moves for a bit but it involved hooking an arm around your opponent's neck and kind of pulling them forward, and after a few of those my head started getting a bit dizzy from the pressure on my neck I think, so I bowed out of that a bit early so I didn't wind up like passing out and injuring myself again because I'm sure they are soooo over me getting injured there, lol. But that ended at 6:15, which gave me 15 minutes to get to my conference with my LARC prof because this was the only possible time I could fit it into my schedule, so I ubered again cuz that was the only real choice haha and it worked pretty well. The conference was good, she's an adjunct and doesn't have an office at school so we met in her office in the firm she works at which was cool. She was very encouraging, definitely picked out that I was having issues just organizing stuff because it's all supposed to be so precise, but she said she could tell I was a really good writer, which (as much as I know that already) I always like to hear. I had some time to get back to church for small group that started at 7:30 then, so I took the train instead of doing uber number 3, but this would prove to not be a good idea for reasons I definitely could not foresee. I'm getting off the train at the stop when my phone falls out of my coat pocket, dangles precariously on the end of my earbuds for a few seconds, then slips and falls into the gap between the train and the platform. I was literally just like "oh FUCK." Like ugh are you fucking kidding me???? So I get off the train of course and it pulls away a few seconds later, and thankfully it's on the side of the track and not on the track so it didn't suffer any damage from the train. There were two teenage girls who saw it and said they'd run and get the attendant, and were like "don't jump down and get it yourself!!!" which I may have been considering a little haha but I figured if I could avoid it I probably should, because that could turn out to be a really terrible move (there was like, amble space on the other side of the track so that if I was down there when a train came I could definitely get out of the way, but still, not preferable) though if I didn't have any other options I probably would've. But they get the attendant, who radios over to her supervisor (who's taller) who jumps down and gets it then is able to prop himself back up to the platform which I'm not certain I would've been able to do without help at least, so it's probably good I didn't try. I was very thankful of course and felt like an idiot, but the attendant was cool and was like "I mean, at least a phone is important, we get people wanting us to go down over gloves" so that helped me feel slightly less stupid. So I now ran back to church since I was now late (UGH) but got there quickly and of course filled in my new small group on my last minute adventure. It was nice, seems like a fun group of people. We did a like either or ice breaker game where you like stepped into the circle for the first thing or remained in your spot for the second, and I was wearing my batman t-shirt when he's like "batman or superman?" and every turns to look at me and I'm just standing there like....I like superman better!!! Haha it was funny. And then of course we talked for a while, the subject of the group is "knowing God and loving others," and while it was one of two groups that I could pick that actually worked with my schedule I liked the idea of that and it was pretty good! At this point I'm like, good at speaking theologically on things so it wasn't a stretch for me and they seemed to all like what I was saying. Ended a little after 9, train to bus and made it home and was soooo dead. But I did want to relax a bit and I considered rewatching this week's legends (which I'll definitely do some time this weekend) but I've had this week's flash podcast episode staring at me since Wednesday and haven't been able to watch the flash yet to listen to it, so I did that instead. Pretty good episode, though I'll probably keep my comments short because I'm tired. I'm glad they finally told Joe. I like the mentoring dynamic going on between Wally and Barry. CAITLIN AND JULIAN THOUGH. YESSSSSSSS. You better not kill him off or make him go evil though writers, because you need to fucking let Caitlin be happy, k? K. The whole phasing an entire train thing was obviously totally impossible even on a superpower level for so many reasons, but logic, I know (I did a full analysis of the medical reasons why Gideon was able to bring back Sara yesterday and everyone was like....uh, Rachel, you might've thought too he's about this....). And yeah, those are my basic thoughts and I'm finally done talking about my day and GOD am I tired. So goodnight pals. Happy fucking Friday.

#daily journal #February 2017

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