#*make out in the kitchen about it a bit. swap roles rinse & repeat*

[dreamlogic]

quietly getting more & more annoyed at my housemate & her bf as the evening goes on. thought they were at his house this weekend but they showed up unexpectedly to have loud sex here, left for a little bit, came back in the middle of a fight, and are now watching tv really loudly in between continuing to totally-not-fight-everything's-FINE.

#ctxt #shit chat #they're both rly nice people who genuinely love each other a lot & have been together like 7 years #but in the time i've known them they just keep playing out the same maladaptive patterns together and it's painful to watch #one of them will be irritable for some reason and snap at the other; other responds by airing a deep-seated grievance they've been sittin on #and instead of just. having a conflict about it to its conclusion to resolve the issue they just both fall over themselves apologizing #and spend several hours being really touchy & reactive to little things but overwhelmingly gentle/reassuring/affectionate #person A: *snaps* im sorry baby i didn't mean it i'm just stressed i love you so much can i do anything for you? #person B: no no my love you're fine i'm not mad i understand can i do anything for YOU you're so special i care about you so much #*make out in the kitchen about it a bit. swap roles rinse & repeat* #like i know turning towards a loved one after conflict instead of giving them the cold shoulder is a sign of emotional maturity #and is generally a healthy communication habit #but like. you gotta actually HAVE the conflict first instead of glossing over it the minute difficult emotions come up??? #and when they get in these loops i really think they should just. agree on a mutual time out to do their own thing for a day #calm down sort themselves out and then come back together to mend things #instead of just reflexively drawing closer together immediately to try and smother discontent #which just results in them still being upset and now tripping over each other bumping elbows exacerbating things #while being obnoxiously saccharine to cover it up #i mean. 7 yrs is nothing to sneeze at but imo this is. not a sustainable way of relating & building a life together #and it sucks to watch it play out. reminds me of my parents who were blissfully incompatible in a similar way for like 30 years #before it finally blew up spectacularly with a lot of collateral damage earlier this year.