#*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town — ( v: canon. ) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cannotfly · 5 months

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@avilionea ( starter call. ) endgame #3 from c.hess

wiping the back of her hand against dry eyes, she's unable to fully hear the chime of the grandfather clock with the sound of the woman outside. muttering to herself or singing, she doesn't seem to notice when it is night and when dawn has finally broken. at this rate, johanna doesn't understand how she hasn't gotten herself thrown in a cell. kearney's lane hasn't exactly welcomed itself to beggar's. why doesn't she leave? she should leave. for her own sake and selfishly, johanna's. the judge will be upset if he's awakened. it wouldn't be the first time he pins the blame on johanna for it either. no matter what she does, he finds something to accuse her of. it seems despite his promotion, he still has the mind of a lawyer. she's never been his client. always the defendant.

slowly, johanna braves opening her window. the night sends its boney hand across her face with the bitter cold in the air. ❝ since it seems you have shut out the world at large then maybe i should cut out your tiny inessential world! ❞ she snaps, raising her voice to louder peaks than she ever has dared to before. now the judge really will wake up. she sucks in the brisk air through her nose. ❝ how do you do it? ❞ how does she keep living? why would anyone . . . let themselves? ❝ i'm sorry. it's just --- late! you're going to wake him up. ❞ finger quivers as it leans against her lips. she doesn't even know if the woman is looking at her. ❝ you need to stop singing. he'll have you arrested! ❞

#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. )#*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town — ( v: canon. )#avilionea

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cagesings · 9 months

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@betterto-die-thanto-crawl ( starter call. )

eyes keep returning to the hole in his sleeve, rendering her unable to focus on what he's talking about. did no one notice that earlier? goodness, someone must have. it's as wide as her fingertip ( which as some might point out, isn't remarkably big and seems to fall on the smaller side in terms of fingers ). without a word, johanna finally threads through her needle with string about the right color -- what does the color matter really? -- and adjusts his forearm to the right position to begin repairing.

❝ hold still. ❞ pulling thread through the fabric, she bites on her lower lip. her usual victim when she's sewing in silence. ❝ hold still. ❞ she says it in a warning tone, yet her voice holds no malice. a soft curve of a lip as johanna pulls it through again. ❝ i don't want to poke you, mr. murphy, i need you to -- hold still! ❞ he's toying with her, she's certain of it. ❝ connor. if he sees you with a hole -- connor! ❞ her smile widens, as much as she tries to bite it back. ❝ this is what i get for trying to sew up the hole?? ❞

#i do not blame you at all if you don't remember but a few months ago we talked about johanna deciding to sew up something that connor #was still wearing and he was moving around to tease her?#i can find the message for you if you want!#they deserve a soft moment #*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. )#cagesings #Dec 31 #2021 #tags; verses #*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town‚ your lips part — ( v: canon. )#betterto die thanto crawl #needle tw

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cannotfly · 7 months

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@betterto-die-thanto-crawl's connor mur.phy sent: "so that's it then? you're leaving?"

he wasn't supposed to catch her. he isn't supposed to know. it wasn't a decision she took lightly. whispering softly to anthony, she told him that she had a brother and she told him that she didn't know if she should let connor remain blissfully ignorant in case the judge asked him anything or if she should tell him. ( the truth of it lies deep in her stomach like a rock interrupting a wave crashing: she couldn't bring him with them ). later on, they would find a way to get him with them. approach him while he was at university -- away from the beadle and the judge's prying eyes. they could run away from london.

what she should wear? -- she daren't pack. her body seems to have frozen in front of her wardrobe. poised to pick out the prettiest dress she owned for what would be her wedding later on. instead, johanna tucks a stray curl behind her ear.

❝ connor, i -- ❞ she and anthony weren't as quiet as she thought they were. connor must have heard it all. ❝ you can't know. this is one step, alright? we're-we're-anthony and i . . . he's coming. tonight. you have university tomorrow. we'll come and we'll go. all of us. you just can't-! you can't know now. ❞ fingers run through the tips of her hair. ❝ you can't know! he'll-he'll-he'll ask you things and you'll know the answers and you can't know the answers. he will hurt you again. that's why i couldn't tell you. i couldn't let you get hurt. connor, please. i'm sorry this looks bad. it looks terrible. i'm sorry. but i can't tell you anymore. tomorrow. we'll come for you tomorrow. ❞

#au where they do talk about this beforehand #*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. )#*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town — ( v: canon. )#betterto die thanto crawl

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cannotfly · 8 months

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@widowshill's victoria w.inters sent: would you like a cup of coffee?

the new governess has been younger than most. younger doesn't begin to describe her. brighter is something that comes to mind occasionally, but doesn't well suit her. sometimes johanna wonders if she is a ghost. the place that she's called home for most of her life is supposedly been around since the eighteenth century. perhaps, she's a ghost come to take it back and she wishes that miss winters would. if the judge got kicked out, then he might get too distracted trying to find a new place to live and she might have a chance at running away. it's surprising that a young spirit like her has been able to survive here this long. the judge seems to squeeze the youth out of everyone who crosses over the threshold.

( she should quit and find a better job. a better place to live. a better student to teach. )

head bowed, the posture she's gotten used to when speaking to her governesses on matters unrelated to education, johanna tries at a little smile. trying to pass as unassuming as possible. miss winters doesn't seem to have the sharp gaze mrs. howe did, but people aren't beyond surprise. if she somehow senses the question she's going to ask, there's no point in asking it at all. johanna can't appear too desperate. then, she might guess why.

❝ no, thank you, but thank you for asking. it was very kind of you. ❞ slowly, johanna settles herself into a stool behind the counter. ❝ i didn't even know we had a coffee machine. do you like it? we just tend to drink tea more often so i've never really . . . ❞ no need to ramble and irritate her. ❝ um, once we're finished with everything -- ❞ which she hopes is soon ❝ -- might i go to the library? it's just down the street and i don't know if he told you but i'm allowed to go until supper and if i get all my schoolwork done. i just like to look at the books. ❞

#she is not asking to see her secret boyfriend. this is strictly Books Only.#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. )#*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town — ( v: canon. )#widowshill

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cannotfly · 3 months

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@betterto-die-thanto-crawl's c.onnor m.urphy sent: ‘ shh. ’

has he heard her pacing from the other room? lips form to begin her long ramble of an apologize, hands sculpted as if in prayer but his expression stop her. johanna leans her chin on her intertwined fingers. her heart has ceased to slow. he isn't supposed to be in here. though, he's never supposed to be in her room. even when the judge grants them visits. johanna has the feeling that was heavily prompted by a kinder member of staff. she wishes she knew who they were.

❝ it's late. you aren't supposed to be in here, ❞ she whispers back. ❝ how did you even get a key in the first place? you can't pick that lock. i doubt anyone could pick it. ❞ brows purse. ❝ why aren't you in your night clothes, either? it's late, connor. you're supposed to be asleep. ❞

#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. )#*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town — ( v: canon. )#betterto die thanto crawl

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cannotfly · 8 months

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@widowshill's victoria w.inters sent: “you’ve been crying. i can tell.”

are her eyes still that red? oh dear, perhaps she should look in her mirror before leaving her room. in the moment, she figured she would cause herself any more pain. johanna ducks her head to focus her gaze instead on the floor. as much as she would like to watch miss winters and her expression to see if she suspects her of anything, looking down seems safer at the moment. maybe she'll get a wet rag later. that always feels like it's soaking the tears right away.

( she just doesn't want to marry him. is that so terrible? is it wrong to try avoiding his hands and hiding herself in the corner of her room to avoid his prying eyes? johanna doesn't want to marry her guardian. )

❝ no i haven't. ❞ her voice doesn't waver as much as she expects. miss winters is a strange mixture of a governess, but someone her age. her age. whenever she looks at her and doesn't see the face of an elderly, cross woman staring back at her, she's more inclined to trust her. even now, she wonders if she could trust her with a secret like this. miss wintes, my guardian wants to marry me. would she look at her in a way that made her stomach twist with her own disgust with herself? would she help her get away?

untucking a curl from behind her ear, she asks in a quiet voice, ❝ can i go to the library? ❞ will you allow me to escape for a little while?

#johanna and her slow realization that what. you're like my friend.#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. )#*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town — ( v: canon. )#widowshill #abuse tw

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cannotfly · 9 months

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@luckhissoul sent: everything's all taken care of!

biting back her lower lip to prevent it from quivering, she slowly looks up at mr. cauthon as if she were nothin more than a lost and wounded deer. as much as she knows she can't be here anymore, as many times as she dreamed of the day that she would be able to escape, it feels like no matter how faraway she is, the judge's vulture eyes will still be able to find her. watch her. she can bear his talons and dig his sharp nails into her shoulders as he drags her back, kicking and screaming, behind metaphorical bars.

what if he catches her? what if he sends mr. cauthon to rot away in a prison in australia, just like her father, for trying to help her? what if he succeeds in exactly what he told her he would do?

she ignores how her stomach squeezes at the thought. ❝ tonight, then. you'll come? ❞ a deep breath in and out. ❝ i'll be at the window. everything packed and everything. just waiting for you to come, but don't feel obligated to come -- but please be on time, if you're not on time, then he might catch you. i don't want you to get sent to australia. you don't have to if you don't want to. just -- tell me now? so i'm not waiting all night? ❞

#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. )#*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town — ( v: canon. )#luckhissoul

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cannotfly · 3 years

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tags; verses

*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town — ( v: canon. )

*❈ ‣ had no way to guide you so i sang day in‚ day out. i thought i'd drop and still i sang. — ( v: foggs. )

*❈ ‣ and we’ll sail the world and see its wonders‚ from the pearls of spain to the rubies of tibet — ( v: post. )

*❈ ‣ isn’t that her dainty footstep on the stair? yes‚ isn’t that her shadow on the wall? — ( v: alternate. )

*❈ ‣ how i would like to have wings – blue ones – how i would like to open them and raise — ( v: modern. )

*❈ ‣ if we lay a strong enough foundation‚ we’ll pass it on to you. we’ll give the world to you. — ( v: single mother. )

*❈ ‣ she's been living in her white-bread world as long as anyone with hot blood can — ( v. hawkins )

*❈ ‣ don’t need a ring for my finger just need a steady hand to hold — ( v: main. feat. heygutlcss )

*❈ ‣ chasing our heart’s desire but we go on pretending stories like ours have happy endings — ( v: affair. feat. heygutlcss )

*❈ ‣ i believed i had a choice til the music in her voice turned my whole world around — ( v: singer. feat. heygutlcss )

*❈ ‣ i know you‚ you know me. one thing i can tell you is you got to be free — ( v: feat. honorhearted )

*❈ ‣ the world was my oyster but where was the pearl? who dreamed i could find it? — ( v: feat. iocaneimmune )

*❈ ‣ if you love me tell me that you love me. if you don't just tell me that you do. — ( v: workhouse. feat. heygutlcss )

*❈ ‣ and even if the dream were not impossible‚ i know too well the ending would be sad — ( v: feat. gamblecity. )

*❈ ‣ for somebody i thought was my savior‚ you sure make me do a whole lot of labor — ( v: feat. whenjet )

*❈ ‣ i had this feeling as i was falling the sound across the bay was the sound of you calling — ( v: great gatsby. feat. playboths )

*❈ ‣ only we know what we’ve both been through‚ if i save you will you save me too? — ( v: main. feat. playboths )

*❈ ‣ this was an escape plan‚ carefully timed it‚ so let me go and dive into the waves below — ( v: panem. )

#*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town — ( v: canon. )#*❈ ‣ had no way to guide you so i sang day in‚ day out. i thought i'd drop and still i sang. — ( v: foggs. )#*❈ ‣ and we’ll sail the world and see its wonders‚ from the pearls of spain to the rubies of tibet — ( v: post. )#*❈ ‣ isn’t that her dainty footstep on the stair? yes‚ isn’t that her shadow on the wall? — ( v: alternate. )#*❈ ‣ how i would like to have wings – blue ones – how i would like to open them and raise — ( v: modern. )#*❈ ‣ if we lay a strong enough foundation‚ we’ll pass it on to you. we’ll give the world to you. — ( v: single mother. )#*❈ ‣ she's been living in her white-bread world as long as anyone with hot blood can — ( v: hawkins. )#*❈ ‣ don’t need a ring for my finger just need a steady hand to hold — ( v: main. feat. heygutlcss )#*❈ ‣ i know you‚ you know me. one thing i can tell you is you got to be free — ( v: feat. honorhearted )#*❈ ‣ the world was my oyster but where was the pearl? who dreamed i could find it? — ( v: feat. iocaneimmune )#*❈ ‣ yesterday love was such an easy game to play; now i need a place to hide away — ( v: feat. soldwrecked )#*❈ ‣ only we know what we’ve both been through‚ if i save you will you save me too? — ( v: great gatsby. feat. soldwrecked )#*❈ ‣ if you love me tell me that you love me. if you don't just tell me that you do. — ( v: workhouse. feat. heygutlcss )#*❈ ‣ and even if the dream were not impossible‚ i know too well the ending would be sad — ( v: feat. gamblecity. )#*❈ ‣ for somebody i thought was my savior‚ you sure make me do a whole lot of labor — ( v: feat. whenjet )#*❈ ‣ i feel like putting my arms around my knees and squeezing tight as possible and flying away — ( v: great comet. )#*❈ ‣ i had this feeling as i was falling the sound across the bay was the sound of you calling — ( v: great gatsby. feat. playboths )#*❈ ‣ this was an escape plan‚ carefully timed it‚ so let me go and dive into the waves below — ( v: panem. )

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cagesings · 9 months

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@betterto-die-thanto-crawl ( starter call. )

there's a slight pout to her lower lip as her gaze turns away from the window. hands gently placing her sewing away. night has fallen, the stars tucked away behind dark clouds, there's no point in attempting any more work to her little sampler tonight. ( johanna will have to light a candle later -- when everyone else in the house is asleep so she can busy her mind from the thoughts nagging at the back of her head. ) miss morris is here at her usual time to attend to her. tonight is a better night than others. she'll allow her to help with getting ready tonight.

along her exposed skin, there are faint wisps of scars, johanna notices. memories from long before they knew each other. ( she has her doubts they came from mrs. eastman. the woman appears stern, yet has a certain gentleness with her staff. that's what johanna sees of her. ) not from the judge. he wouldn't get that close. it's from some miserable story that miss morris has written, for better or for worse, on her skin.

❝ what happened? ❞ johanna's voice hardly carries above a whisper. in case miss morris is offended by her question, she can quickly add a "nevermind" or another dismissal. a trick she's learned from years with the judge. yet, she finds herself wanting the answer. ❝ to your arm? ❞ not just her arm. johanna has the sinking feeling that it's not the only area of her skin affected. ❝ sorry if you don't want to talk about it. you don't have to. i just was . . . curious. you can ignore me if you wish. in fact, you probably should. it serves me right. ❞

#*❈ ‣ have you decided it’s safer in cages‚ singing when you’re told? — ( interaction. )#*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town‚ your lips part — ( v: canon. )#betterto die thanto crawl #abuse tw #child abuse tw

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cagesings · 2 years

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tags; verses

*❈ ‣ you sigh before your window and gaze upon the town‚ your lips part — ( v: canon. )

*❈ ‣ appears singing little songs. adolescent girls don't go out of their minds for the fun of it. — ( v: foggs. )