#(i never was but he's 110 kg and very insecure so he took it out on all 5 of his children)

[mwagneto]

oh you *know* im doing it right when my father tells me im not eating enough

#weight loss and ed talk in the tags please please ask to tag if you need me to #he's been bullying me about being fat since before i can remember #(i never was but he's 110 kg and very insecure so he took it out on all 5 of his children) #(4 of whom had some sort of eating disorder) #(wonder what the connection is♥) #i dont have an ed anymore and im not even dieting #my bmi is like 21 rn i think #weight validation from him is worth more than elton kissing me on the lips #which is very annoying i dont want to care but like. it's something he's always #been mean to me about so it's nice to see him getting worried about all the #damage he's done to my mental health lmao #good. keep worrying<3 #he said ill starve which is unlikely ive gone without food for a week many times #not just for ed related reasons sometimes i just fucked up #weight loss mention #ed cw #ed mention #weight mention #tag vents

[perfectionwithinreach2001]

Gonna do this all in one go today, starting a 36 hour fast so distractions are v important 😅

Day 1

Height: 167 cm, or a tall 5’5

Current weight: around 66 kgs?

Highest weight: around 83 kgs

Goal weight: 51 kgs

I would put measurements like waist and hips and stuff, I do have a tape measure in my room, but that gets me down more than my weight. I have lost quite a bit but my waist has stayed around the same, and I would love to have a waist that’s anywhere between 27-24 inches.

Day 2

Height stated above. I never really had any issues with my height. I’m fairly average height, if slightly above, but I always feel gigantic if anyone is shorter than me, even if they’re maybe the same body shape or weight. I would like to be a little shorter I guess, it would make me feel smaller and more delicate, but I guess being taller would mean I would look thinner

Day 3

Flat stomach thinspo is everything for me, all my weight is on my tummy

Day 4

I don’t fear weightloss. I have done a fair bit already and it makes me feel so much better and more confident about myself, but I guess I’m more worried about it not being enough. I get to my goal weight, and I’m still too ugly and fat.

Day 5

I’m doing for me. I want to be more confident, I want to be skinnier (or at least on the same level) as the girls who used to make fun of my weight. I want to feel good enough for my partner. I want to feel sexy. But I guess I also want other people to find my attractive. At my highest weight (and honestly up until 6 months ago), no one showed me any romantic attention EVER and it killed my self esteem. I have a partner rn (being with them has helped a lot, they tell me I’m pretty and not fat and everything) but I still want to be seen as an attractive person by people. I won’t believe the compliments until I’m at my goal weight.

Day 6

I’m more of a picker throughout the day person I suppose

Day 7

They know I’m losing weight and are proud of what I’ve lost so far. I am too. But they keep telling me I shouldn’t lose anymore. Little do they know I’ve got 30 pounds to lose before I consider stopping. They care about me, but they don’t realise that I’ve got disordered eating patterns. I reckon they have an idea I don’t have the best relationship with food, but don’t know the extent of it.

Day 8

I don’t really work out, but wanna join my uni gym soon!

Day 9

People don’t explicitly call me fat anymore, but it’s little things. My partner saying I’m bigger than average. My friends boyfriend calling me chunky. I once asked my friend if she thought I was fat and she said “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say”. Saying I have mochi cheeks (fat cheeks). Saying my coat was massive. It’s not as bad as fat, but it still hurts, because it reminds me of how long I have to go. I’ve lost quite a bit and sometimes feel skinny, but those things being said is a harsh reminder that I’m no where near where I want to be.

Day 10

A happy relationship with food, potentially for years to come.

Day 11

I don’t have one, I just look under the tags. Then again, Emily Ratajkowski’s Instagram makes me want to starve for all eternity, how can someone have such a perfect body?

Day 12

I’m at university rn and my accommodation is bullshit because it doesn’t have a kitchen? so I tend to eat a lot of either boxed or can soup, miso soup, small packs of popcorn, Cheerios, and sometimes I get a big bag carrot sticks (healthy I know). At home however, I eat all of the veggies. I adore fresh veg, and basically will eat for every meal, whether they’re stir fried, steamed, sautéed with can tomatoes, but my downfall is snacks. Fucking snacks.

Day 13

More recently it’s become unhealthy, but i haven’t been able to eat as little as I’ve wanted to as I was back home, and rn my partner is staying with me I can’t eat 500 calories a day when they’re here 😅

Day 14

51 kgs or 110 lbs. probably in year or 18 months or so (it takes me AGES to lose weight).

Day 15

I’m in between vegetarian and vegan I guess. It limits the food I can eat, so it has helped me I guess, but I know eat so much healthier so it’s all good for me.

Day 16

I always thought of doing it, but only properly about 2 years ago?

Day 17

I have disordered eating habits but not full on anorexia. I’m a psychology student, so I know the criteria and I don’t fit it all yet. However, if I became more serious and did develop an actual eating disorder, I wouldn’t be 100% surprised.

Day 18

Anything sweet. I am a whore for it, but I will only succumb to my weakness if the food is already open/ other people are eating/ I am by myself and the pack is open. I never really buy binge food just for me.

Day 19

Yesterday, partner is still here so we tend to do that a lot 😅

Day 20

Vegetarian/ vegan

Day 21

In jeans, trousers and skirts, I’m a uk 10, and on my top and dresses I’m usually a 12 or so (I have D cup boobs and kinda broad back). It annoys me that I’m not a 10 all over, it would make me appear more balanced and just make me feel better.

Day 22

64 kgs I think before Christmas 😭

Day 23

Tumblr did. I did a school project on how social media influenced eating disorders when my eating first started going bad, which basically me an excuse to read thinspo in class. Even before then I was on tumblr looking under the tags though. Social media in general was huge for me.

Day 24

I don’t really have any feelings towards it? I refuse to give tips on this account/ pictures of myself because I don’t want this to be a PROPER pro account. I’m using this to vent as I have no one in my real life to talk to about it. However, this account would technically count as pro so I can’t really chastise people for being “pro ana” on their blogs when I’m no better. But basically if you have an account, you’re pro ana, definitely for yourself and potentially for other people (this account is purely for me)

Day 25

I’ve stuck a toothbrush down my throat several times and I’ve always chickened out. I don’t want to develop bulimia.

Day 26

Feeling pretty, even with my pretty friends, looking better in my clothes, and feeling proud of myself

Day 27

I try to remind myself that I AM in control. If I’m publically eating food, I tend to make some excuses, or just eat it normally. Hence why I don’t have a proper eating disorder, sometimes I will just eat and not feel that nervous and stuff, but I nearly always feel guilty after I’ve eaten.

Day 28

Heck yeah! I always get compliments on my legs because they are quite long and toned, and none of my body fat is really stored on my legs so they are good legs, but I have fat on my upper thighs which piss me off beyond belief. Gimme that thigh gap so I can good about myself!!

Day 29

Not me

Day 30

1. I got into my dream university studying psychology!

2. I have diabetes (the genetic one, type 1).

3. No one really knows I have disordered eating patterns.

4. I love this band called AJR!

5. My first kiss was when I was 18 (my current age, around 6 months ago, with my current partner). The lack of romance in my life before this was major thinspo for me and still is tbh. I assumed I got no attention because I was so unattractive

6. I live in England

7. I wear eyeliner nearly everyday and can do very good cat eye (like, James Charles WISHES he could do a cat eye like me good)

8. I have 3 dogs and I love them so much

9. I want to be a therapist when I’m older (I recognise the irony of this)

10. I’m not bothered that much about how fast I lose weight, I just want to lose it and keep it off.

Damn this took over an hour to do 😅

Please feel free to message me! Although I will say I completely and utterly REFUSE to give tips, thinspo and mean soo comments to people. Just because I am suffering with a lot of insecurities and hurt myself does not mean I would even consider inflicting that onto another person. If anyone would like to talk about anything else in general, or want to talk about recovery and why it is a good thing, please message me!! I have been told I am very good at talking to people, and making them feel better, hence why I want to be a therapist. I will only send messages of kindness and pro recovery and body positivity (I know it’s ironic but we just gonna ignore that 😅)

#thinspo