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witch-hazels-musings · 2 years

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hi hi hi wonderful hazel!!

hope you're doing well (and you didn't hear this from me but if you want to buy another pretty travel journal and its within your budget, you should buy it :D. indulge in the happiness you can find in life!)

so i have a question (you don't need to feel pressured to answer though, it's a bit tricky, and I'd hate it if my question made you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable)

how does one maintain relationships?

i know that relationships require efforts from both parties and its like a pingpong game of give and take. applying that knowledge, though, is another story. i think i'm decent at the beginning, but u have a problem when it comes to replying to people. sometimes i see thier messages and can't help but postpone it to a time where i feel like i have the social energy to reply. this might seem normal but it usually ends with me awkwardly replying to a message weeks later as i completely forgot about it in the first place. I know not everyone has a large social battery, but mine is like at a constant state of 5% before battery finishes or something like that.

again, i hope this question doesn't bother you, and if it does, you're free to simply ignore it hazel! thank you for your presence and have a nice week!

I can definitely offer some empathy here - plus idk if I’m the best person to answer since I also am very bad at social interactions, get drained easily, and have a lot of anxiety about annoying people (it’s why you don’t see me post my thoughts much and it’s why my friends don’t hear from me for days -- i always start a message and then back out because of self-doubt)

what I will say is that relationships are hard - they take work and commitment to ensure they are going to last, especially near the beginning - but there are a few things we can do to help us

when you get that burst of energy to talk to people, reach out! send some messages, start a quick conversation. Interactions don’t have to take hours, they can take a few minutes and it shows you are still here and want to stay connected - this also helps if you are always on the receiving ends of messages (I am like this too, I’m much better at responding than initiating, but I have to remind myself friendships are two ways, like you said)

send images to people or things you know they will like - I send tiktoks I think are funny or sweet, artwork I think they will like, announcements of things, and even snips of works i’m making (there is something so powerful about a message that says “i saw this and thought of you!”)

even when your energy is low - open the message you get and answer with an emoji or a gif (you don’t have to stretch out the convo but letting them know you are there can be good)

let your friends know that it might take you a while to respond sometimes - especially if it’s mental health related! being open in your communication is better than them not knowing what is going on

mostly, be kind to yourself -- not everyone gets their energy from interacting with people; sometimes you have to disappear for a few hours or a few days and that’s okay. If they are your friends they will be exited to hear from you no matter how frequently you interact (I love my friends dearly and when I see a message from them I get so excited!)

It’s nice to have people to chat with and, well my friend, perhaps you really only need one or two good friends in your life! some people can handle 25+ and others can handle 1 or 2 - find those friends that will accept you good and bad, they are out there and they are rooting for you!

#hazelmail #hazel aid #coffer elixir #relationship support

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queensparklekitten · 2 years

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🌻☆♬○♩●♪✧♩🤍 ramble on and on about one of your playlists and send this to as many people as you want to 🤍♩✧♪●♩○♬☆🌻

Oh fuck yeah! I'll do the one with the title stolen from vague-magnus-archives

Calling All The Monsters: My mutual sent this saying it works with TMA. Put it at the start as a kind of “welcome to this world of horrors”.

The Silent: Jane Prentiss song. Descent into madness, the whole "they get inside you and eat you inside out" thing, can't deny it works. I've seen it on Corruption playlists before.

I Won't Say I'm In Love: There's a TMA animatic of it. My mutual in some collective daydreams has hummed it whenever Jon and Martin interact. Put it near the start to space out the Corruption songs a little.

The Worms Creep In: The title says it all. Decay and being eaten by worms and when I first heard it I read it as mundane death but then I read it as someone being killed by The Corruption and then I read it as someone becoming a Corruption avatar with the death being semi-metaphorical. "The worms creep in, the worms creep out, the worms are scurrying all about, they sing and dance, how they love you so, surrounded by friends till the moment you go" I legit full-on 100% want to sing or lip-sync that part while cosplaying Jane Prentiss. Maybe with worms on a string.

The Disappearance Of Hatsune Miku: It played while I was reading timsasha fic once, and my brain took the themes of erasure from existence and memory loss and made the jump. "Fading away from here till there's nothing left, it's so pathetic right [...] You might forget me but please don't forget my name"

No Light No Light: Added due to connection with a self-indulgent daydream set in the TMA universe. "Tell me what you want me to say"

Astronaut: Discovered it through it being sent in the discord server alongside mention of it having intense Lonely vibes (and Vast to a lesser extent). Assigned to the Lonely segment of the Daedalus mission.

Show Yourself: Season 2 is basically Among Us, and you can't deny that the chorus consisting of impostor accusations is pretty reminiscent of Jon calling everyone sus. Not to mention that Sasha's last words were "show yourself". This is also why Show Yourself is the title of my unfinished Among Us AU.

Somebody's Watching Me: Discovered through a mutual in the tma channel of our discord and DAMN, THAT EYE ENERGY. Even the title says it all! "I always feel like somebody's watching me, and I have no privacy"

Seven: Timsasha childhood friends AU that sprung up when I heard the line "and though I can't recall your face I still got love for you"

Arsonist's Lullabye: Jude Perry. That is all. "But my peace has always been dependent on all the ashes in my wake"

The Fine Print: Everyone talks about how this song reminds them of Elias. I checked it out and yeah, kind of, if you ignore the lines about space travel.

Circus: Discovered through a vine/tiktok/bdg clip tma meme compilation. And, well. Circus. Can't you just picture Nikki vibing to this because I can.

Gone: A while back, my mutual sent the link to this song alongside a description of how it set off her TMA brainrot. It's not the intended meaning, but hey, TMA is not the intended meaning in ANY of these. So why not read this song as someone who, after losing a loved one to the impostor among us, swears vengeance on Stranger followers in general? "An impostor wears his face, one I barely recognize"

Immortals: This one I knew about long before getting into TMA, but didn't listen to very often. Once I listened to it and heard the words "watcher" and "eternal flame" and went "ok this is about avatardom now". "They say we are what we are, but we don't have to be, I'm bad behaviour but I do it in the best way"

I've No More Fucks To Give: Discovered through a TMA animatic.

World's End Dancehall: Read that title and try to tell me it's not about the Unknowing. "Something seems to be unusual, wrong, shall we believe in what is called our fate?"

Till The World Ends: The other song about the Unknowing that isn't about the Unknowing. Lines such as "you notice what I'm wearing" and "I can't take it take it take no more, never felt like felt like this before" take on a whole new meaning. "Keep on dancing till the world ends"

Become The Beast: Another avatardom anthem, this is what you hear when you're completing the transformation. "Do you feel the hunger? Does it howl inside? Does it terrify you? Or do you feel alive?"

Rabbit Heart: And so the holy trinity of songs about avatardom that aren't about avatardom is complete. With heavy ritual sacrifice motifs and themes of transformation, you can't deny it's there. At the very end, the gift line is sung without the price part, so that's the avatar embracing the loss of their humanity and no longer minding having to sacrifice innocents, maybe even starting to enjoy it. "This is a gift, it comes with a price, who is the lamb and who is the knife? When Midas is king and he holds me so tight, and turns me to gold in the sunlight"

Girl On Fire (Inferno Version): Agnes. Just. Agnes. Especially taking into account the lines about how no one knows how lonely the titular girl is. "Keep repping me, do it to the death of me, X in the box, cause ain't nobody checking me"

Once More To See You: Teaholding (if you just double blinked, jonmartin) song circa season 4.

Come Back... Be Here: Yet another teaholding song.

Vanishing: Just about the most Lonely you can possibly get from a song that isn't a TMA fansong. "How can you stop from vanishing when no one knows you're there? How can you make them see you if they don't actually care?"

Eye In The Sky: Self-explanatory. "I am the eye in the sky, looking at you, I can read your mind"

Monster: You’ve seen that post about Jon watching Frozen, finding out about the musical, listening to Monster, and having to lie down for five hours. Yeah. It’s such a fucking Jon song, like I Drown for people who haven’t heard I Drown.

What Did We Know: Written about getting emotionally invested in something knowing full well it'll end in tragedy. Yeah. "Wishing won't absolve us of all that we have won, what scares me more than anything, if we could choose the past, we'd probably choose the same"

Last Words Of A Shooting Star: First listened to this only minutes before MAG200 came out, then proceeded to read a fancomic using lyrics from it shortly after the episode, and now it makes me remember eyes drawn on calendars and black nail polish and reloading the website twice per minute and staring into space on the verge of tears for most of the day and making a little headstone in my backyard with a crocus and a cardboard cutout of a tape.

No Children: Boy is the TMA fandom ever obsessed with this one and I can fucking see why. Until I got into TMA, I couldn't understand the concept of wishing for the deaths of your favourite characters. But I knew they'd be given a fate worse than death if they lived, and I hoped to whatever would listen that they would die. And that's JUST the out of universe. Don't get me started on the in universe. There really fucking is no sign of land huh, and when you take the TMA fansong I Drown by sealsapocalypticmusic into consideration...

Red Moon: It's about the VIBES. The way it turns into an occult-sounding conlang chant overlaid with what really sounds like screaming at the end, making it sound like the apocalypse is here.

Hikarifuru: This alongside Safe & Sound and In A Week are the 3 songs I listen to while reading afterlife reunion fic, and this one has enough of that "songs you hear when you're dying and you either go to an afterlife where you can be happy or whoever's singing it to you is convincing themself that you will so they won't be as devastated about your death and the circumstances of it" energy that I had to add it. Plus, it's from PMMM and I was listening to the PMMM soundtrack nonstop during the home stretch.

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xinyixan · 3 years

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dearest windy city,

Today I depart from Chicago after 5 weeks of a whirlwind of 10k+ steps/days, trudging through every imaginable spectrum of bone-chilling rainstorms to sweltering hot summers, fanatic sprinting to catch trains and buses, arranging hangouts with newfound friends, and nursing my sore throat post one too many indulgently deep and thought provoking conversations while hopelessly losing track of time… and I feel so much joy and so much hope, I could almost stay… almost.

But I’m a neophiliac, and I’m drawn to change. Having been fortunate enough to travel as much as I have, I’ve come to accept that most cities are more or less the same — what makes them special and memorable are the people I meet. So here are just a few, in the order that I met them:

Lin, my sister creative chimera from Salt Lake City, who happened to be visiting Chi Town with her friend Sharon, was the first person I caught up with after my first week of solo exploration to familiarize myself with all the neighborhoods. Although Lin was only passing through, it was so comforting to feel as if I already knew someone else in the city. I’m forever grateful that meeting Lin, whom I regard as a nexus of friendship and connection, has enabled me to meet so many good people (one of whom I’ll mention below). @_linhuang / @linhuang.psd

Lisa was my first local friend and she introduced me to tapas at Boqueria! It was fun to connect with another digital illustrator and model who has an intense interest in travel (we both share the mindset that our our careers fund our vacations)! It’s been really fun stumbling upon Lisa’s collaborations with other photographers in the locale (via instagram) and feeding off her open-ness & willingness to make friends! @lisahzhu

I remember being keenly intrigued in meeting Arthur because of everyone I had met thus far, he appeared to be the most deeply involved in the fine arts. I had noticed that he had released a course on Domestika teaching Expressive Watercolor Portraits and instantly felt a respect for his dedication to his craft. After all, it is one thing to explore the arts as a hobby but another to have a developed styled and enough experience to design an entire course to share your skill. We met in Boystown and trekked for over an hour while swapping travel stories (such as his solo extended stay in Japan) and philosophies on creating art, making friends, and cultivating meaningful relationships. I was incredibly thankful that despite his packed schedule working as a full-time photographer, interior consultant, painter, and everything in-between, he invited me to Art Institute of Chicago where we continued our conversations as inspired by chronology of Monet’s works. @artybraud / @itsme.artyb / @artybphotography

Tou Ger graciously drove all the way down from the Northern suburbs to meet me for lunch in Wicker Park where we spent 3 hours bonding over as fellow entrepreneurial spirits. A professional dancer turned life coach, Tou Ger is radiantly optimistic but balanced with a practicality for the bigger picture of life. I’m naturally drawn to people with philanthropic ideals (probably because I’m constantly seeking for more compassion without myself) and Tou Ger no doubt fits this bill. @_tougerlee

Vishal and I first met downtown at Mojo Coffee (where I had a super delicious New Zealand style flat white) and I learned his story of how he turned his burn out from his first consulting job in India into inspiration to travel to Japan and Hong Kong solo. He moved to Chicago for his masters and just graduated as I was arriving to town. Between his job hunting grind, Vishal escaped with me for a mid-week serendipitous street photography shoot and another follow up coffee date at the largest Starbucks Reserve Roastery in the world. I was incredibly touched by his warmth and was so grateful that the timing worked out such that we could hang out as often we did. @vishalshriram

Jess was actually another friend I met through Lin (who had a birthday brunch at Bar Takito at which we were both invited)! A copyeditor by day but a writer/poet at heart, Jess started several passion projects over the course of the quarantine including an account to document her baking/cooking adventures as well as a tiktok to capture snippets of her everyday life in vlog format. I adore that she was immediately vulnerable with me in conversation and her emotional maturity/self awareness made me feel comfortable to readily open up to her in return. Our follow up hangout brought us to Hello Jasmine for some delicious Taiwanese street food which we devoured at Ping Tom park while walking barefoot (grounding) on the grass, listening to lo-fi, and journaling together like the big kids we were. I couldn’t have ask for a more wholesome picnic date! @jess.sung / @bohaeats / @marigoldthebun

Abhas was perhaps the only friend whom I had intended to meet up with prior to landing in Chicago. Every so often I try to reach out directly to people watching my instagram stories (via dm) as an attempt to break the social media disconnect that ironically arises from social platforms. I’m so please that I said ‘hi’ to Abhas because as soon as I realized that he was also a creative chimera who happened to live in Chicago (aka — someone whom I could have the opportunity to meet up with), I couldn’t contain my excitement. Just a gander through Abhas’s digital gallery will give you a sense of the full spectrum of his skillset. As we have mutually expressed to each other, knowing that someone else exists with such curiosity for all mediums is very validating to our own existence. It’s no wonder that we ended up losing our voices over conversation while eagerly sharing our parallel artists’ journeys. @abhasmisraraj / @abhas.art

I’m actually not positive how I met Suri — I suspect it was through an Asian Creative Network mutual, Nathan — but I’m sure glad we connected regardless. In my last week, we met up at Ground Up Coffee Co. where I got to hear her rite of passage as a singer/songwriter and trying to make it in the world of performing arts. She confided in me her aspirations as a fellow multi-disciplinary creative: pursing her master’s in creative writing, dreams of producing music for film, and creating a community where she could give back. It was absolutely heartwarming and affirming to hear from a fellow artist that because I’ve chosen to safeguard my art as a hobby, I have been able to preserve its purity. And once again, I’m reminded that I have this gift that shouldn’t be left to go to waste. @surimusings

I met Amy on my second to last night at SweetGreen, and was so elated to find someone who could practice some Mandarin with me! We had some time to connect via text prior to meeting in person, so I already knew that (1) she was skilled in illustration and (2) had recently pivoted from a career as a business analyst to consulting for non-profits. Our friendly chat developed quite rapidly, and I appreciated how Amy didn’t hold back from delving into interesting questions which allowed us to explore topics like my aromanticism or my perspective on my friendships as influenced by the quarantine. I had brought a sketchbook along in wishful thinking that we could perhaps create a collaboration in person over our conversation. To my delight, Amy took to the idea without hesitation! I had such a blast, I regretted having met with her so late such that there was no time to reunite before I left. @ajin.arts

I had not expected to actually meet Kris (due to lack of time and my now strained social stamina) but when he suggested to collab — I could not resist! So, on the very last night of my stay, I made my way out to Pilsen (the last unexplored area of the map which had been described to me as the SF Mission District of Chicago) where I met up Kris with a little piece of plastic1, and he, his camera. We ended up obsessing over this little plastic cap, and the best part? Kris even agreed to allow me to play photographer and modeled for me! We playful energy of the shoot rivaled the playdates from my childhood, and I’m already daydreaming of the day we can collaborate together again! @kr.evangelista

And of course, special shout out to the hubs for coming through at the end of the 3rd week so that we could do all the typical tourism things one normally does in Chi town together (the Cloud Gate/Bean at Millennium Park, the Riverwalk and Navy Pier, Lincoln Park Zoo, North Beach for views of the skyline, strolling the 606…). Chicago felt comfortable before his arrival, but having his company made Chicago feel, at last, like home.

So, thank you, Chicago; thank you for a series of unexpectedly good weather (the weatherman kept promising gloomy and overcast skies but your unpredictability continually surprised me with sunny afternoons), a continually wholesome conversations, and scars around my ankles from endless urban hikes. I won’t miss how how you dried out my eyes with your blustery forecast nor the shady night rides home on the train, but I’ll still miss you all the same.

love,

nowhere girl in Colorado

#journaling #love letters #chicago #travel blog #wanderlust #vacations #work from home #work from anywhere #digital nomad #asian creative network #chi town #windy city #how to make friends #chicago creatives #creative chimera

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