#( do u see what I have to deal w )

[pup-pee]

this is basically my kyle playlist

california girls is rlly carrying the angst so sad((she eants me(2 b loved) is not the sadest song ots just the 1st))

#most if the songs r about alex ngl i love her sm #goodmirbing!! my headaches gone yiipppee!!!! #tgus doodles from yesterday tho lol #i was gonna post it on my kyle doodle acc but like?? not anymore #i drew him kinda leaky srry man #actually no not srry CRY MORE #this guy needs therapy idc what u say #i mean most of them do byt like i will ralk about his silly lil issues hes got sm of those #i feel so bad 4 the ppl i talk 2 omfg #i just talk talk talk & never shut up & THEY DONT TELL ME 2 SHUT UP?? makes me frel bad like oh shit i just yapped @ u im so srry #not even talking about dc all the time #its worse when its dc omg #‘no i like hearing u talk’ like uhm DO U? i can make u regreat that here let me talk about kyle rayner #all the ppl irl having 2 deal w/me shuffling trough comics & me making them see smth on my phone 4 context #i swear i dont talk over ppl ot @ least i rlly try not 2 #srry im like sleepy @ am remembering going over 2 1 of my parents friends house &i just talked talked talked #i was ddoung basically a horrible stand up routine #skjfkfkvkkgg #anyaysd kyleee omgg kyle raynerr??!!! #im so srry kyle nation #my kyle tag lmao #kyle rayner #<- is scared #2 put that #dc #puppee art #i think instead of talk talk talk i should say ramble ramble ramble

[unganseylike]

i hate when i get ghost baited by media. please let your ghost character be actually dead it was only cute when just like heaven did it 😭

#I’m inventing a new word. this has to stop #this is so cruel to do to tumblr user formerly known as ghostlygxnsey #like. dealing w implications of ghost character can be sooo cool and sexy stop bringing them back to life in convoluted ways #any ghost story is inherently a tragedy. lets live in that a little! #noah czerny i love you for rotting and being forgotten #like great example of a really truly dead ghost playing a narrative role only a ghost can #anyway. cant tell u what media this is about bc spoilers. but IM SO MAD . #this is why in my unfinished shitty haunted house au blue is really truly dead . etc #ok wait actually amending my initial only exception #locked tomb gets a pass bc fucked up fantasy rules make it as logical as anything #it was fun and sexy having dead characters reappear #and also its all about grief so we got the tragedy covered. and also ‘im not fucking dead’ even tho she eas #<even so. even tho i know its not gonna happen it cld be cool to see her actually rest. well thats another topic

[deus-ex-mona]

series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:

#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨ #and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate #so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah. #thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou #i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh #compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol #i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help— #so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig #my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa #i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control… #b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you #tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao #so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol #but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato) #so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though #either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane #i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date… #at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration… #…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig. #oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far… #i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience. #help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m. #anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee

[cinna-bunnie]

not me and my manager trauma bonding over mommy issues 💀💕 i love her aksksk oof i had to go smoke and Think after this one

i love when our one on ones are basically like lol i don't have much 2 talk about this wk and we get like 40m to hang n talk after getting work stuff out the way. she is such a sweetie and so fun (❁´◡`❁)

#i talked about my intro 2 adulthood and what it was like around before/when i left home and how my sis was just 10 when i left #so we never rly got to be close n i just started talking 2 her this year. but the last thing i told my mom was she lost her son forever #and that she better not fuck up with my sister - and she took it to heart fr which was Great for my sister. #she grew up v loved and supported and idk as the eldest u have complicated feelings being the experiment child. #and as an older sibling u are genuinely happy ur younger sibling has it so much better but there's this disconnect where u both have #Very very different feelings about ur mom and family in general ig. but it's from having lived different lives and idk. #she relates though 😔💕 oldest sibs rly b dealing w moms that tear them down then watch w bittersweet feelings that ur sibs get a better #life. my life itself is fine lol im kinda stoned (⁠｡⁠ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠｡⁠) but like. a good loving childhood. support. community n never feeling like #there's Nothing for u here. she's turning 21 in December it's crazy how time flies. I'm glad she's doing good but I'm just thinking about #how we had Very different lives and stuff going on in our late teens 😮‍💨 #bless my manager fr i'm glad we got to get into it !! 😹 i can see why i miss her when we don't get to meet for the week

[welcometogrouchland]

I support the "Batman was unfairly biased to Stephanie for XYZ reasons" crowd so strongly bc DC claims that Bruce is a master planner who is able to understand anyone's psychology but he didn't realize that literally every single one of Steph's problems as a teenager would've been solved by her joining a shitty punk band. If he couldn't figure that much out then he didn't understand her for a minute

#ramblings of a lunatic #PLEASE TALK TO ME I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS ON STEPHANIE IN A SHITTY PUNK BAND #her bandmates have turned into ocs it's stage 5 at this point boys #anyway what is steph dealing w/ pre-52 as spoiler that got her in hot water? #1. the anger issues. easily fixed by her getting to scream about beating her dad to death without actually doing it #2. nobody fucking listens to her (including batman). well when u are playing music ppl are definitely fucking listening #3. has no non-batfam friends and thus ends up feeling abandoned almost every time she gets kicked out of the group. bandmates are friends! #don't like being in your shitty house? go to your band mates house and jam! #need to articulate the anger issues in a way that doesn't disturb your frazzled paranoid boyfriend? write angsty songs! #also I do genuinely have a lot of thoughts on how music was applied to Stephanie's character and what it tells us about her #like she loved it. clearly. and she was GOOD at it too. steph is constantly perceived as a screw up and has pretty low opinion of herself #piano was something she could take pride in. in i believe issue 113 of tims og robin series- #-tim is AMAZED at her playing all these years later. so is nocturna a few issues earlier #there's a standard visual language in comics for good or bad music- notation drawn in either shaky or smooth lines #stephs are all smooth and golden. she's good even after all these years of not practicing #but all she says to tim after he compliments her is ''i used to be better...'' SHE SEES THE WORST IN HERSELF AND HER ABILITIES #SHE DESERVES A CHANCE TO FEEL GOOD AT AT LEAST ONE THING LIKE SHE FINALLY GOT TO AS BATGIRL IN HER SOLO #and onto my final point: dinah has several times expressed some degree of fondness/admiration for steph. steph has likewise trained w dinah #and thinks she's cool as fuck. which makes sense. bc dinah is cool as fuck #and what is dinah in??? that's right. a band #steph should join dinahs band for her mental health. this has been an essay #stephanie brown #spoiler dc #dc batgirl #batgirls #<- since that series re-canonized pianist steph!! bless them!

[dandyshucks]

blinks tiredly. i decide "hm maybe i should try to expand my circle and step outside of it a little, lets go look at the main community tags" and im just greeted with a bunch of edgelords who think saying "fiction doesn't affect reality, don't like don't read" is peak activism and "fighting censorship". head in my hands. this is partially why i do not ever go into the community tags, my nervous system cannot handle blocking fifty weirdos every single day just so i can have a normal experience in the community tags hfdsjkl

#I HAVE SO MANY PEOPLE BLOCKED ALREADY. i am TRYING to curate my experience 😭😭😭 #and i have so many tags blacklisted fjdsjkl like. so many. every single variation of tag to do with those chuckleheads #which helps avoid them a lot of the time tbh bc it'll flag posts that ppl rb if the original post was tagged w any of those #so i can avoid rbing posts that have chuckleheads as the op most of the time #i also usually double check OP's blog before i rb stuff now bc man this place is rife with these weirdos #ANYWAYS. yes i want to try to engage w the community but i do not think i can handle it if theres gonna be so many edgelords jkdslfl #the only way i follow new ppl now is when yall do promo hour and i sometimes see a new face pop up fdsjkl #every now and then i have energy to try to engage with new ppl but its so difficult when so many ppl are such insufferable edgelords !!!! #''im the nasty pr-sh-pper your parents warned you about 😎'' cool man you sound like the most insufferably obnoxious person ever. :/ #''if you like CENSORSHIP-'' i am hitting block immediately bc u have a fundamental misunderstanding of what censorship actually is 👍 #I'M TIREDDDD WHY ARE PEOPLE SO DUMB ABOUT THIS STUFF. ''fiction doesn't affect reality'' I GUESS PROPAGANDA DOESNT EXIST THEN ???? #what a strange world they live in honestly. they dont understand how stories have served humans since the dawn of time. sighing loudly. #vent // #SORRY FOR THIS ONE IM JUST. ARGH. ppl talk abt encouraging community but i think maybe im not cut out for community #i want desperately to partake but i cannot handle it if it means dealing w all these bozos #it frustrates me to no end fdhsjkl and it upsets me so much and i wish i could deal w it better but. my nervous system is broken fdsjkl #i will try to expand my circle every now and then but i cannot do it often bc of this 😭 im not going to give up entirely though fdsjkl #(also this is partially why i dont tag my posts w community tags anymore bc i am just. so scared of these freaks getting their hands on it) #(the most i'll do is s.afeship or variations every now n then bc supposedly they're not in those tags fdsjkl) #delete later #dandyshucks

[ahaura]

not to jinx it but :-) it's july so that means this is the longest i've had a blog since i first remade (8ish months) <3

#ahvañe #this may seem like an insignificant detail but if you know my lore then you KNOW 8 months is CRAZY!!! #i have been described as 'remakes like she's on the most wanted list' on multiple occasions n #that has to do with neurotic tendencies that come out when im in a bad way and the only way i can cope and exercise #a modicum of control in my life is on the digital end of things. hence remaking blogs #im not sure if its bec the therapy is finally kicking in or if its bec im getting older or What #my neurotic tendencies may have been curbed by getting nerfed out of the blue HOWEVER #my blog tends to reflect how im doing IRL and this year has definitely been brutal in different ways #some better some worse than last year but these things happen. n idk. it feels nice to be comfortable w it. #it's v v easy to not see progress w urself especially when ur dealing with shit in real time and shit piles on #but things HAVE changed and i think im getting better at. like. life? idk. but anyway #ive lost contact w some ppl over the years but ive also met some wonderful people too #n im jusr grateful to be in a better place than i used to be. especially compared to [counts on fingers] 7 years ago. #NYway if ur reading this! i love u. im glad i exist<3

[hexados-on-a-string]

spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.

#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me #its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying. #its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through #its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them #i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway #something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else #its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and #im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts #anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them #ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously #but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free. #i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me #i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me #idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst #they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much #i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT #also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon #who is also one of my favourite characters ever #and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool #im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but #i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus #anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially #i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy

[pinkfey]

wip wednesday :D

tagged by @mrs-theirin; tysm quill!! tagging @arklay @steelport @aartyom @malefiicarum @rosebarsoap @kirnet @shadowglens @narshadda @lavinet @druidgroves @swordcoasts @calenhads @brujah @nuclearstorms @florbelles @shepardgf @devilbrakers @jillvalcntines @morvaris @kymal @risingsh0t @solasan @lvllns @rosykims @aelyosos and you!!!!

have a depressing oddly interpreted take on the taint affecting alistair and rowena 😘

The taint came for his hands first.

A side effect of days spent clutching a sword and shield no doubt. His veins went fast, running black and blue overnight. He didn't like looking at them, but Rowena traced them over every night. Hardened bones were next. Protruding metacarpals and thinned knuckles and a noticeable creak in the mornings. Then the pain began. The ache. Days where his joints stiffened to stone, where a grasp clenched too tight refused to come undone, where splaying fingers to their fullest extent proved too much.

Rowena often caught him staring at his hands in the corner of her eye. Busy hands, curious hands, hands made to fidget and gesture and move above all else, now immobile. His worry token went untouched for months, as did many of the things he loved to hold. Flowers in the garden. The mabari's paws. Rowena.

There was a time when Alistair couldn't keep his hands off of her. Affection of the physical kind was a bright and shiny concept and it took time for him to adjust. Rowena could touch him anywhere, after all. It came easy to her, the affection, the initiation. His cheek, his chin, his collarbone--anywhere would do. Eventually, he came to reciprocate. Tentatively at first, as if asking for permission, but confidence came with the security of her affection. Touch became a comfort. A hand around her waist, on her jaw, in her hair. Anywhere would do.

It couldn't have been more different now. He shied away when she reached for his arm to hold, twitched when she kissed his neck in the mornings. Evening baths became sparser until they no longer existed at all, and this Rowena could hardly bear--facing this truth that the old rituals had died, so she clung to the last of them.

No amount of massage relieved the pain, but Rowena would be damned if she didn't try. Nightly, he let her take his hands in her own.

It was a relief each time to see that despite the Taint, Alistair's hands were still his own, broad and square-fingered and devastatingly gentle. Calloused on the underside and scarred by his earliest days with a blade, too young and eager to know any better. And those nights by the firelight, nights where she took his palm in her hands and massaged the ache away, she could see that Alistair's hands were still freckled, just barely. The sun could still shine on him and leave honeyed kisses against his skin and this was one thing the taint could never take. No darkspawn could take the sun.

The night she realized this, she wept silently. She'd stopped him before he could speak, pressed his freckled hand to her cheek before he could pull away, and whispered, "Bathe with me."

Months later, the taint came for her.

For Rowena, it was her vision and it was swift. [reduntant fix this queen lol]

#in my universe the taint wastes away the physical thing you rely on the most #eventually everything is corrupted but it's always your most used ability first #so chronic pain takes alistair's hands and near blindness comes for rowena #spoiler alert unless in da4 they somehow resolve the cure for the calling rowena dies first <3 teehee #SO anyways alistair becomes a lil distant not because he's like. being cold with her. but because like #the insecurity of touch returned. the hesitation. asking if this is okay because of the unspoken recognition that the end is on its way #and he really doesn't know how to deal with that. never knew how to prepare for that #when he cups her face and sees the darkened veins on his wrists and all he can think of is how they can't have this for much longer #that's just!! a lot to handle!! and he needs the reassurance but doesn't know how to communicate it because he lost the ability to ask #aka touch #the bathing part is especially difficult bc ofc evidence of the taint's corruption had spread beyond his hands atp #and he'd have to bare his whole body in front of her and that's like. so vulnerable. when ur dealing w all that #this is probably rlly obvious but sjhdjhfhdjfhjd #i like having aging being a significantly important thing in alistair and rowena’s relationship #the tragedy of it all #how gaining weight and wrinkles is so bittersweet #because on one hand they’re growing old together and god can u believe they made it here #but on the other it’s the telltale sign the calling is nearing and it’s just like #okay how much time do we have left. how much time do we have left. how much time do we have left. #how can we enjoy what we have when we want so much more. gray hair and children and arthritis. we’re so weary and we’re so young. #tag game #writing* #x: a soft epilogue #ch: rowena cousland

[bunnihearted]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[weirdasshomo]

desire? in this economy??

#bros mad #depressio hours here #naw cuz i came across the q 'what do u desire? if u could get anyrhing? what w it be?' #n went immidietly that should i ask my baby dog back but realized that no i dont #i couldnt go trough it twise #n idk #realized i would never try to bring anyone back from death #like i could lol #but idk if i even have a say in that cuz i did make a deal like this once but we shall see how that one ends tbh #but yeah #im loosing my mind #nvm #lom

[monsterbisexual]

feeling like im being driven to my execution (its a drs appointment)

#p #also thats a little dramatic but i do hate them so much #i was feelin like well ill be uncomfortable n miserable but its not the end of the world #buuuut then i remembered (TMI AHEAD U HAVE BEEN WARNED) #that last month ish when i was here for an actual concern (n agreed to this physical bleh) #i was told im overdue for another pap smear n like they cant force me into it ofc but i know its smart to do it #cuz i already have lots of anxieties abt what if i secretly have some disease or condition n im gonna die blah blah blahh #but last time it was so awful n i was like crying thru it cuz of the pain which. isnt normal #googling it afterwards i found ppl saying stuff like 'it might be weird n uncomfortable but not too bad' #so i was like well ok thats just me then i guess :/ #n anyway i def think i have that condition called w/e cuz ive never been able to do any kind of like. anything in there #not like day to day its a huge deal but for this its not too fortunate :/ #so long story short i remembered ill have to decide if ill let them do it again at this appt #n i was reading abt the process again n then uh oh crying -_- #omw now n idk what ill do tbh. def wanna say no but also idk i shld be responsible or smth #dies instead. #n anyway even if its just the super basic physical theyre gonna do ill still wanna become an incorporeal entity thing #hate it hereeeee (body) #its a PA im seeing who i remember being nice some other time i saw her so theres that at least #theyre gonna wanna weigh me tho i forgot that too jeez #i said no last time but idk. kms

[skwtches]

experimental husk doodle ♥️🎩

#hazbin hotel #husk hazbin hotel #husk #hazbin hotel husk #summerskwtch art #i have mixed feelings abt his redesign tbh #ik he was never gonna have a beer gut (gotta keep up viv’s on-brand ‘every character’s skinny bc artstyle’ thing) but still 😔 #the promo image itself only shows his upper half #so like- we have no clue what the deal is w/ his pants n tail #but from what we did see i just.. rly don’t like the new colors they used #the gray sclerae/yellow irises were just rly unpleasant to look at paired with the rest of him imo #plus his brown sclerae just gave him such a nice warm look :( #rly sad they got rid of them #i mean at least his wings r simpler #tho smth i hoped they wouldn’t do was take out the card symbols to only replace them with a DIFFERENT pattern #like just take out the pattern at that point i’m begging u 😭 #also u know the little heart in his ear is gonna change sizes in every single shot good lord #but yea uhh i think that’s all. i’m sure he’ll look better animated but i rly wanted to like his updated look :(

[myownprivatcidaho]

REAL test of wether ur friends r truly ur friends is if u can do karaoke with them

#friends arent ab ppl who see u as The Best. they r ppl you can fucking suck around :')))) #AND ESPECIALLY. someone nice enough as my friend ***. i always have a kinda bad overreaction 2 🌿 and so im at the front of the room #early throwing up bc my throat closes up and im awkward and idk whats going on since i dont do it often enough to understand #and my friend *** !!!! SHE doesnt sit there and be distant while u have ur awkward moment #shes the person who brings you water & is patient as your throat opens up & u have ur embarrassing moment shes there 4 u #honestly.a genuine blessing in my life #all that to say. only b friends w ppl u can do karaoke with and who u can do grass with bc u arent worried embarssing human moments #r any sort of deal breaker #if u cant do that silly jazz w ppl then they r not ur friends. #makes alllllll the difference

[filmcel]

Hey man, some advice from someone on their way into their mid twenties: don’t continue into higher education if you don’t want to. I know it’s easier said than done, but I mean it wholeheartedly. School is draining, and if just the thought of it is causing you stress, than actually going will be worse. It’s hard when it feels as though there’s all of this pressure to not disappoint yourself parents or anyone else that expects this of you, but you are what matters most. You should be your top priority. You should do the things that are in your own best interest. I tried to go to college multiple times after graduating (and struggling to do so immensely despite the fact that I’m smart and school came easy to me. I was just incredibly burnt out on life by that point) and it never ended up working out. College isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. You’re not less than or a failure for not doing what society tells you you have to do to be successful. You can find meaningful work that doesn’t break your body and soul without college. You can maintain or create new friendships without college. Put yourself first, and you’re doing great 💜

thank you 😭

#saying more in tags bc i’m shy #currently bc i’m so young i’m just going to stay with what i’m doing #i was able to figure out my shit for today and i start next week #i’m an easy quitter so if i fucking despise it u best believe i’m leaving #but maybe it ends up being amazing. i rlly don’t know . #just doing this now to please my family. #i still work and i have friends. my future goals aren’t limited to school and i have to remind myself of that. #getting a life outside of school has helped me become a better person i think. #and i hope if i remember that i do have a life outside of school i’ll survive going to class if i know it’s not the end of the world if i’m #not the absolute best. #for now i’m too young to say no to my parents #all things considered i should just say no #but living w them is hell dealing w this #i think my best option is to dip my toes in and see how it goes. #i don’t even have to push myself too hard. and they won’t either bc they know anything is better than nothing #but i do not regret at all the time i spent out of school #i was able to work so much and as annoying as work can b i’m very grateful i got to do that #bc not only has that helped me make my closest friends but also …MONEY. #soon i’ll get a car. and soon i can start planning my own future #captain’s log #One step at a time ☝️🙏 #incoming transmission #i appreciate u anon . #but this year i’m going to try and b easy on myself #we’ll see how that goes #also it’s low stakes bc it’s just community college #maybe if i can take stuff that interests me i can figure myself out more #bc while ik ever job doesn’t NEED college degree. idk what i want to work in. #there’s things i’d love to do. but i have zero knowledge of anything

[sadiiomane10]

Why does no one ever take u seriously, I've been living in this body for 25 yrs I kno what I'm feeling and experincing and when things are wrong, I don't want attention, fuck Idec about myself that much but I'm not making shit up, why am i screaming into the goddamn void

#why am i fighting for my own voice to be heard #just for others to do say 'i dont think' #u dont fucking kno me #weve had a 20min convo #thats not the full fucking story #think what u want #but im still valid #just blame my depression on everything its cool #its cool #also if was healthy enough to exercise GUESS WHAT I FUCKING WOULD #I WOULD I WOULD DO EVERYTHING I CURRENTLY CANT #AND THE LAST THING I WOULD BE DOING IS CALLING YOUUUU #'u have to help yourself' oh really u deal w 24hrs of absolute agony #and lets see how far u get #and then tell me i need to goddamn exercise #im so angry i wanna cry #the cure to depression is exercise and Pilates but u cant do that if ur physically ill so die #and i didnt even call for this #i called something else entirely and got this lecture #what a waste of time