#'im never doing that again' [will do it again in august]

[heartorbit]

always by your side

#couuugh. whehezze #hold on #project sekai #emu otori #pjsk #prsk #proseka #ok thatsg enough RANK 96 COOOOOGUH WHEEEZE #literlaly cough wheez ei have fucking covid. i wanted to draw something nicer for the event but my hands rlly hrut snd my throat hirts and #i was sticking my head in the freezer in between matches. #omfg i didnt think the end sprint was gonna be so insane i didnt have enough energy. mfers made me spend 700 gems. nene please. #i never wanna open the game agaon.(guy who will open it tomorrow and sunday) 16 MIL POINTS.. pimh was only 9mil. for rank 80smth. #the hatsune miku colorful stage tiering economy is in shambles #'im never doing that again' [will do it again in august] #event was insane. started out ill -> only 1 rate up card -> charger broke -> assignments -> covid on the last day. Be fr #to my beloved sakurako and fixer i wub you. ill try to finish my nice profile but well honk mimimi. #NSIFFLKE. SNIFFLE. WAAAAAAH #this is so lazy but i havent drawn for myself literally in a week. other than doodles i did between matches #actually theyre like little bobblehead emus all over my sketchbooks i should collage them into anpost #idk how people get that subtle gaussian blur on their lines i tried it but it looks so obvious to me here.. maybe bc i used a thick brush.. #ok wonderhoy i need to lay down so bad tylenol save me. I ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED MY LOZENGE IN THE MIDDLE OF A GAAAAAME

[dreamwinged]

me looking at my mom after she found out my finals ended a week before my flight home and dead serious said “well we can move your flight up then and get you home earlier!!”

#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ #and here i was thinking i’d stay even later….. #i don’t even want to go home in the first place why would i wanna go EARLIER?? 😭 #i gen thought she was joking at first #bc here i am happier than ever with irl friends who actually care about me for not an exaggeration the first time in my life #it is such a beautiful thing to finally feel listened to and loved and surrounded by ppl who actually care for me #n i have to leave them all and prob never see them again in less than a month #im gonna drag that out for as long as i can thx #SHE DOESNT KNOW ALL THAT THO it’s rly not that deep the thought of leaving just makes me emo bc i ❤️ my friends but. YEAH NO WAY I GO EARLY #it’s gonna be hard…. #i think she just misses me prolly and that’s why she brought it up but #they’re here now and only leave 10 days before i do and then i don’t have school again til AUGUST so like ? she’ll see me plenty #sigh i wish i could stay another month but im broke + have a job lined up for when i get home .. #real life is so lame

[steelycunt]

the trouble with making a conscious effort 2 be on my phone less and to sleep in less is that rather than feeling freed up and relaxed and renewed i am quickly realising ive got nothing to do really

#not in like a fun way either ive just got. nothing 2 do my friends are never free i just do not do anything. running out of things 2 read #also i cant really keep buying books rn and my library's selection is so poor so im. just sitting around really. and watching films. #there is nothing really to do where i live and i can go further out but like. after so many days of walking around on your own it gets a #bit. yknow. idk maybe that august feeling is just coming around again....you know the bit in august where there are horrors 😂

[27-royal-teas]

hey uhhh immune system what the fuck dude you’ve been failing me for fucking months. do your job bitch

#i got covid in august and have just Not Really Recovered since #i was JUST SICK and now i feel like im getting sick AGAIN my nose won’t stop running and I can’t breathe I feel horrible #my head hurts my throat hurts I want to sleep and never wake up again #I feel like my thoughts are transmitting through cotton balls #im going to be insanely busy from now until. uh. march #so if I can last until march without getting sick I will be GOLDEN #don’t think im gonna last that long though #half my family has the flu rn #but UGHHHH #ive got SEVERAL PERFORMANCES TO DO!!!! ive got FRIENDS TO MEET WITH!!! Stuff to do!!!! I don’t have time to get sick!!! #im super behind on schoolwork and I need to learn 5 dances and write these stupid fucking fics that aren’t writing themselves #I just want to feel BETTER. please. fuck. I want to breathe in through my nose and actually have the air pass through #I want to swallow and not feel like my throat is being stabbed. I want my head to stop hurting #Im so tired of being sick its been months please #vent kinda

[etchedstars]

nvm i get mikes deal now this whole writing a letter thats coherent and meaningful thing is a Little Bit Difficult

#IFEEL LIKE IM BEING TOO VULNERABLEEJDJEJDJDJD #birthday cards are the one time where i can express how much ppl mean to me and then i become Normal again #but likejfdjjr #is it not enough that i printed out pictures for her i Never do that why do i have topour my heart out on paper #its so i can get a very nice message in august #the overdue asteroid strikes again

[lieblxng]

@theshytigergirl | Moved

"I admire a lot of people, so that is very hard to choose really." Noah answered thoughtfully. "If you are asking if I admire you Leon, I do but I think you already know that."

“Yaaay, Noah likes meee~!” [ His eyes sparkled like stars as he grabbed onto his friend’s hand and spun around with her. Though he was very excited, he tried to keep the speed comfortable enough for her. Unbeknownst to himself, his face was flushed with heat and red as he was almost giggling with his laughter. He was joking around, of course, but he had to admit–he appreciated her honesty nevertheless; it felt…good to hear someone liked and admired you. Even if there were plenty of people who said the same because of how famous he was, despite his defeat and loss of his championship title, Noah was special to him in more ways than he could ever imagine. ]

#//okay this started as crack #//but it developed into cute fluff im so sorry 😭 #//i'd say this takes place a little bit before their confession :3c so plenty of oblivious love from leon #//lil cute warmup to do :D #//also i can finally cute leon's blush icons >:3c #Leon (self) | The undefeated champion! #Noah | A girl looking for the world. #leah ship tbt #Chairman still doesn't ring right to me... | Never Again Verse (Leon) #Don't care if it's past August. | Replies #theshytigergirl

[first-enchanter-surana]

Shouldn't have gone to work yesterday. I feel like s h i t

#ive taken three separate covid tests and theyve all come back negative #so either they're false-negative or this is a side-effect of having had covid in august #like are my colds just worse now #bc my lungs feel really having and ive lost all sense of taste #which is of course a symptom of covid which is why im so sceptical of the tests #i mean i could theoretically go and have a Proper Test done #but that involves having to leave the house and take the train to the next big city bc they dont do tests like that anymore in my tiny home #and then id have to go from the train station to the shopping mall which is about a 20 min walk #i guess i could get a bus but the wait doesn't seem worth it #also id have to wear a mask on public transport which makes my throat dry which makes me cough more #and walking is just. tiring. #overall i feel discouraged #also im scared that i wont get my sense of taste back #like after my covid in august i didnt have taste for... 2 weeks? a month? #it came back comparatively quickly is what im trying to say #and that was bad enough #my coworker told me after she had covid her sense of taste didn't come back for a year #and like yeah the first time it came back quickly for me but that doesn't mean its guaranteed that itll come back at all this time #and like i love food and cooking and baking so much and im just scared ill never get to enjoy that part of my life again #(like i just had some apple and orange slices and i feel a little better know so still it feels like if i cant taste food whats the point)

[floofyfluff]

starts crying because i thought too hard about friends, who i had barely had a few weeks to get to know before pandemic hit, bringing me thanksgiving dinner from 10 feet away door dash style. i know this i was just a regular thing to do but id 1. just moved for the 10th time in 7 years like three months before the panini. to Yet Another state. 2. recently given up on art and decided the smart thing to do was get licensed and start working as an emt. in the pandemic. like a person with No Fucking Brain. while further deciding to go back to school bc i guess i spent enough time in the infectious ravioli to think i could stick this out for the long haul BC REALLY COULD IT GET WORSE (it can always get worse). and thus hadn't spent extensive time with anyone that wasnt intimately involved in making morbid jokes about the "meat lockers" outside all the hospitals (in case we ended up like nyc. Which we didn't by sheer icu-bed-per-capita, but only sorta). and also you gotta laugh or cry and they Were meat lockers. so you laugh.

but anyway i hadn't seen these people for months and they made a whole dinner and brought it to me and that's why i'm still in chicago.

#im very tired so many people always die in december for no reason #probably for some reason but i'm not smart enough to know it #but also its like damn i do enjoy seeing patients on a consistent basis as compared to what i used to do where i never see them again #and just assumed they were left for dead in an overcrowded nursing home #but its weird to have a healthy 62 year old come in for enough post ops you get to know them #and then suddenly they are found dead in their bed bc sometimes life sucks #so if someone brings me food i start crying #@the little polish lady i'd met once and who brought me so many anise flavored waffle cookies today i love you and its your fault #bc i am normal and regular and would not have stabbed myself in the eye if i didn't have two small cats who needed me by august of 2020

[whatkindofnameisella]

if you fine lovely people are in the mood i would love it if you would send me a handful of words as a prompt <3 i will (maybe) return in kind a (probably widojest) piece of fanfiction!!!

#writing for courses has been overtaking me and i would like to do some fun writing #i abandoned some wips late august that i would love to pick back up again but i feel so rusty D: so prompts it is! #widojest #kanej #possibly? if im in the mood #i watched a couple edits of the show on youtube this week. still never going to watch it but it DID put me in the feral kanej mindset

[wine-dark-soup]

Arf

#It's 🤌 the sudden realization living alone is terrible for you #My mom visited and left this morning #I was feeling so great even stopped having insomnia (that i had non stop since august) #(Btw you never realize how tired you are until you sleep soundly for 4 days and feel Normal again) #The weather is probably helping too but thats not just that #And now im alone again in the house and the minute she left i felt i was starting to drift again #Im a freelancer #I work from home so i dont even have work relationships #And depression really fuels itself like if i start being tired again if it stop sleeping again #I will be too tired to go out and i will remain Isolated #Which is pretty much what happened since august #I literally dont know how to form Solid relationships too and not just like having a nice chat with people i'll see once or twice #It's terrible bc i am Not as depressed as before so i am perfectly aware of the tools i can use and i remember feeling so strong #When i was declared 'healed' a few months back. Like it was true and i was about to seize the opportunity #But it was like; snatched from me and it IS even more depressing somehow. It was just here you know? #Idk; idk. I hope i'll keep sleeping so i can go out at least but i am really feeling hopeless and uuuh #Ill-fated? #To the point im on the verge of crying #EDIT WRONG BLOG not that it matters i just wanted to get it off my chest #Adding this too - i immediately started bad habits again. Like playing games in the evening. Bc what else is there to do when you cant ' #'Parallel play' with your mom in the living room? Chill while shes watches a show #? #Just chat with her (or anyone else)? #I have no interest in watching tv on my own i just wouldnt focus except if im 200% into it #So being alone in the living room is at best boring at worst anxiety inducing. Im just there. Waiting for something #So before it becomes unbearable i hurry nack to my bedroom and check my phone or go on a game #See what i mean?

[helianskies]

finished our work week with our usual pow-wow of 'here's what our focuses were and what we've achieved' and bearing in mind i wasnt in on tuesday when these focuses are set and never committed myself to a task, ive managed to leave work feeling shit for not doing something i was meant to do. because apparently we admins were going to focus on chasing up information by phone since it's the school break and no calls have been made this week. well. if i had known that was what someone wanted me to do that's what i would have done. but instead, i was busy correcting other people's mistakes, fixing my own mistakes, juggling email queries, emailing people for info in between my usual tasks because i can't always make a phone call because that takes time away from my daily checks, checking data reports, being trained on new systems, liaising with another team to help them sort out interviews, and so on. and guess who was at work during that tuesday meeting and clearly said 'oh yeah we'll carry on with email failure chasing' and didn't make a single call this week. i dont care if he is part time. he still works 3 days. i have been fixing HIS little errors. HIS 'i didnt listen during our training a month ago and am not following procedure' moments. it's been a really shit week. i was not making calls yesterday because i was in such a foul mood and couldnt snap out of it and did not want to come across as rude on the phone, and they all know that - i made that quite clear. but i feel thrown under the bus. i've now set aside 2 hours on monday to do all the calls that we should have done in the last few days. we'll see if it's just me making them. and we'll see if my managers still think ive still 'disappointed' them. fuck.

#i have a 1-2-1 next week as well #might just bring this up with my line manager then because im not happy. i cant pick up the slack everywhere just because someone #has become lazy knowing they're quitting in august anyway #well guess what buckaroo #im quitting too but my god do i still want to do my job *right* #honestly. what the fuck has this week been. ive only been at work for 3 days and it feels more like a month #tried not to fucking cry in my little corner #someone sit my colleague down on his last day and ask HIM what he's achieved because he's never here for those fucking meetings #honestly so mad. AGAIN. #helia rants #and now my bus isnt turning up and i have to wait for next one #what is even the POINT

[devotedlystrangewizard]

every so often i give in and dont filter out unfinished works and then i find a really good unfinished work and i spend the rest of the week checking my bookmarks every 5 minutes even if the author has admitted to slow updates

#regret so much regret #i currently have 3 bookmarks im watching like a fucking hawk but #one of them i havent caught up on yet and updated yesterday #and the other two last updated late july & late august #the one who hasnt updated since july ive been following for MONTHS so im used to it but it hurts #and as a writer. i cant blame them. #like im not mad at the authors and i hope theyre doing alright but #'what if theyll never update again' ITS BEEN TWO WEEKS SLOW DOWN

[yanqings]

Ughh i know this is dumb or whatever but im so tired of being in pain all the time. my lower back has been hurting since august of last year and its so frustrating that i cant sit down for longer than an hour without having to lay down for the rest of the day

#im literally in tears because i dont even fucking knkw whats causing it. #i moved in a dorm in august and the next day i was sore obvi but when the soreness went away the pain stayed and has continued #got x-rays done and there’s literally no indication of an injury #im so fucking tired man #every time i move even while laying down i feel dull pain in that area as well so its not like i completely escape it #i just want to lie down and sob and never get up again because i cant fucking do anything

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

it's been a year since i lied to you and told you that yes ive moved on so can we please be friends again. can you really blame me? i thought getting good at suppressing our memories from that one month meant moving on. i didn't know that i would feel a lump in my throat when you called me suddenly in the middle of a sunday even tho the plan was to talk once a week and we had talked only 3 days before. i didn't know i would feel butterflies in my stomach when i heard your laugh so close to my ear, but can you really blame me for being reminded of you giggling talking about the logistics of kissing on your study table?

but it's been another year since we've talked on the phone. those memories are so distant and blurry and full of light and happiness that i can't even believe they happened to me, it feels like they happened to a different person. so you don't have to worry, because ive moved on now.

remember when i used to tell you that i miss you so much i can't think about anything else, that i spend all my day reading our old chats? and you used to say, you need to stop and there are other people in the world? well, you don't have to worry about feeling uncomfortable now. i passed the exam i failed because i was too heartbroken over you. i go to tuitions and then i go to internship and i come home so late that all i do is eat and sleep. ive been doing better these days.

and you were right, there are other people in the world. but do you know, i asked a girl to come watch barbie with me, and she made a disgusted expression and said she'd already watched it and she hated it? this happened after we shared a coffee and realising we live next to each other and finding out that she watches kdramas and i listen to kpop. so surprising isn't it? someone who probably understands toxic masculinity and gender roles are fucked up still has internalised misogyny in her? nobody can compare to you, you lecturing me about feminism in tenth standard and your little book club with assigned reading as a thousand splendid suns and you having tears in your eyes showing us harry styles with pride flags in his concerts and you being mean and blunt saying i need to talk about my internalised homophobia. im starting to think you were one in a million and i was a fool to lose you, and an even bigger fool to have had you back and then lose you again.

but do you understand now? you told me you didn't, two years ago. i asked you, don't you understand that i was going crazy dealing with my psychotic family and i was depressed and tired and couldn't talk? and you said no, you're sorry, you really don't, you don't understand how someone can not share why they're sad to the person they supposedly love the most in the world. as i was writing this, daylight by taylor swift started playing. ironic, isn't it? there are many memories ive tried to erase from that one month, but this one i cannot forget- me coming into your room the night we planned and asking you if you're sure about this and is this like an experiment thing a oh what's kissing like thing or is it a we're in love with each other thing, and you smiling softly and saying girl yes i am sure it is one hundred percent a we're in love thing.

ive been getting better at sharing my sadness with my loved ones. my parents haven't stopped fighting, my dad shouted at my mom today morning because my brother lost the car keys, but it's okay, ive learned to tune it out. he only lives here for half a month, he stays somewhere else the other half so it's been easier to bear. my sister moved out, finally. ive been sad because of it but i know she's obviously happier there so it's okay. we have a neighbor and they have this tiny tiny annoying si kid she always comes to her house after her mom scolded her to sulk and watch tv with us. how is your little sister doing? i think of her when our neighbor devil comes. and how is your mom doing? are they settling in well to the new city? and how are you doing? have you been okay? we don't have to be exes trying to be friends again. but can't we just be childhood friends (if age 15 was childhood) who drifted apart briefly but found their way back to each other? please?

but it's okay, if we can't. cause like i said, ive moved on.

#it's 2:29 am and i can't sleep #do you get sad on these specific dates too? probably not cause you don't remember dates well #30th july my exams ended 5th of august we had a sleepover with our mutual friend it was the last time we were ever okay before i fucked #it all up permanently it was the last time you let me kiss you in the balcony last time you let me hold your hand tho you pulled away under #the pretense that you were cold. i still don't know if you were really cold or just mad at me #fast forward 28th august you said we should end this and i didn't put up a fight i just said okay if that's what you want #sept 12 we again had a sleepover and you let me rest my head on your shoulder for the last time ever and i rmbr not watching the movie at #all just silently wiping my tears on your shirt #and was it sept 21? you left here forever and you said you'll never come back to this shitty small town and you've kept your word #all of this probably makes you think i haven't moved on at all right? #but i have because i know that the person in my memories no longer exists and i have made my peace with it im glad it happened #and i also know i don't know anything about the person you are today #but id like to know #and you have a tumblr so if you're reading this and you maybe miss me a little too #text me? #okay bye kuch zyada hi bol diya #messages i can't send

[romeoandromeo]

.

#i want to go on a vacation #i have to go to Florida in August for my partner's dad's birthday is his 50th and he really misses us #really don't want to go considering all the bullshit going on down there #so im going at least I'll be able to see some of my friends again #be there for like a week saving up all this money right now #i wish i was saving the money for Niagra falls or something instead... #i just want to go on a romantic vacation with my partner #i want to show him Salem Massachusetts #I'd love to take him to morro bay in California and show him the elephant seals #or go play in the woods together in West Virginia (we'll be careful) and i want to see the moth man festival #run around nyc together and just be free young adults #i want to do something #SOMETHING #I'm tired of living a boring life where i don't really get to do much #i go to work... go home and watch an episode of tv before going to sleep just to do it again tomorrow #even though that's all i do I'm exhausted all the time #i barely make enough money at work and i never have much if anything left over by the end of the week #i have to spend it all on bills and car payments and this and that #i just want to forget about it for a little bit and explore somewhere and have enough money not to worry #where i can actually go and spend it on fun stuff sometimes #i need more #i feel so unstimulated and it's agonizing #I'm desperately craving a road trip #or something you know?? i want to pile in the car with my partner and my closest friends and just go and do what we want #even if it's just for a little bit #before i have to come back inevitably to the same shit i do every day