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seyaryminamoto · 4 years

Note

Why do u wanna leave Venezuela? I'm 'new' here and didn't know about everything that happened in Venezuela and ur circumstances. Could u enlighten me?

Oof... it’s a pretty long story. A story that literally began before I was born :’D

Venezuela used to be one of the most prosperous countries in South America, mainly because of our surprisingly massive oil reserves. Once those were discovered, back 1928, we went from old-school rural country to the hub of development and modernity in South America. Everything looked poised to continue progressing...! But then it didn’t. Slowly but surely, government mismanagement resulted in bad decisions that started Venezuela’s downfall. At the time, those decisions appeared catastrophic. In retrospect, they weren’t even a hint of the hell we would experience during my lifetime.

One president, a rather controversial one, decided he’d raise the cost of gasoline in the country, back in 1989. It may sound pretty casual, but it wasn’t: Venezuela, hub of oil, had always taken advantage of subsidized oil for its citizens. Meaning, gasoline was cheaper than water for us. I’m not even joking, it literally was. But the president at the time thought this couldn’t be sustainable and increased prices.

This resulted in a popular backlash against this decision, which resulted in considerable lootings over the course of a few days, as well as murders, violent protests, all sorts of chaos... eventually, this event became the perfect excuse for a certain, powerhungry, military “leader” to take advantage of and stage a coup to overthrow that president. This military leader’s coup didn’t work, and he was sent to jail (not before him and his cronies killed, in cold blood, an undefined number that ranges between 100 and 300 people in their attempts to overthrow the government).

A few years after the coup attempt, the military leader in question... was released. Despite being the intellectual artificer of the deaths of a number ranging around 100-300 people.

By now, he can be held responsible for the deaths of hundreds of thousands of people instead :’)

And that graphic is for outright murder. That’s not accounting for the people who died because of food or medicine shortages, it’s not accounting for the many people the current government numbers have covered up... it’s not all the people who have had to pay with their lives for the absolutely dreadful mismanagement of the country in current times. And what does that military leader have to do with all these deaths? Why would I hold HIM responsible?

Why, because he became president of Venezuela in the year of 1998. That’s why :’)

There’s no easy way of summing up everything going downhill in this country. You could, however, say that every hardship we’ve had to deal with here is a consequence of the absolutely horrid, corrupt, criminal decisions of a government that has zero interest in governing a country. All they want is to line their pockets with blood money and pay for none of the crimes they’ve committed while in power. And they’ll ally themselves with as many dangerous countries and regimes as they possibly can to get away with it, regardless of where they stand on the political spectrum (they’re best buddies with far-right and far-left regimes just the same. Kinda says something, doesn’t it?).

Just to put things in context: Chavez, the military leader who became president, committed thousands of awful decisions. He rewrote the Constitution, he set up his goons to handle our Electoral College so that they’d rig the system and ensure he got away with victories in all the elections that mattered, he set up huge restrictions on international trade, to the point where people COULDN’T do any sorts of operations with foreign currency without asking his government for permission first, which became a HUGE source of corruption...

But the likely worst part of it all is what affects everyone, from day to day, all throughout the country. And that is the government’s monopoly over EVERY BASIC NEED INDUSTRY in this country.

Currently, as I type this? My building has had running water for 3 days straight, in the middle of a pandemic (and that’s just my personal experience, there’s a HUGE lot of people who haven’t had running water for MONTHS and have to collect water on rivers or hire water trucks that are more and more expensive with every passing day). Me and my parents are living off water reserves that we must constantly collect whenever the water comes back, because these water cuts happen at RANDOM, with ZERO WARNING, with NO EXPLANATION and you have no right to protest to the water company (if you did, you’d go ignored. If you don’t go ignored, you go jailed. That’s your full spectrum of choices in this situation).

And of course, the vital question: who has the monopoly over the water companies throughout the country? The State.

Currently, as I type this? My WiFi is unstable (heck, it crashed just as I was typing this answer, the irony is strong!), and only three devices can be connected at a time. No, it’s not the router’s fault, because while it could sound as the obvious answer, it’s not configurated to limit the number of users. Only a month ago, all devices you felt like connecting could connect indeed, though the network was unstable anyhow. By now, the network is still unstable, and it can’t support all the devices we should have online.

Who runs the phone/internet company I use? The State.

A little over a year ago, a spree of nation-wide blackouts plagued the country. We spent whole days offline, completely isolated from the world, because not even cellphone networks would function if the cellphone towers were down too. All we could do was listen to radio, and ONLY if you had battery-powered radios. Even then, most radio stations weren’t even offering real information on what was going on, and the one that was got kicked offline earlier this year I think? Because their permit to operate in the country was revoked (the truth? the government has been taking advantage of ANY excuse to get rid of media that doesn’t report about them favorably since 2008, at least).

Who runs the electrical company that supplies THE ENTIRE COUNTRY? The State.

And I could go on, and on, and on... but I think you’ll get the picture by now. Basically, every single issue you find in this country (in 2013, we were ranked the most insecure country in the world, in 2019 the most MISERABLE country in the world) goes back to the people in charge, who have only made choices to benefit themselves and seldom to help the “people” they’ve always claimed to be working for. They’ve broken the laws they wrote themselves, they’ve become internationally persecuted criminals for helming drug trafficking networks, for crimes as outlandish as supplying Venezuelan passports to known, persecuted terrorists (while, btw, making actual Venezuelan people pay about $200 for a passport... when our minimum wage, MONTHLY, is around $1.3? No, that’s not a miscalculation or an exaggeration, it’s further evidence of what I said up there regarding being the most miserable country in the world), they’ve imprisoned and exiled countless members of their political opposition under fabricated charges, commited outright crimes of torture, including sexual torture, on peaceful protesters who were taken (sometimes just for being in the wrong place at the wrong time) by the national guards or police, 98% of actual crime goes unpunished in this country because the government outright instigates, encourages and even SUPPLIES criminals, since they’re basically a perfect method to keep the population at bay...?

Living in Venezuela has rendered me incapable of enjoying pretty much any form of dystopic storytelling. This mess began when I was 3-years-old, and it gets worse and worse and worse with every day that goes by. There’s no end in sight, no likely improvements, no solutions because nothing that has been tried has been any closer to succeeding at liberating this country from the nightmare clutches it’s in.

And of course, the worldwide pandemic only makes matters worse because, while I wasn’t going to be able to leave the country just yet anyhow, I had hoped to get out this year. By now, hell knows when I’ll be able to leave at all.

*sigh* And there you have it. I’m sure, if you’re curious, you can look up some more on the subject, though there’s a lot of false BS online, propaganda trying to paint the government as victims of the international community when that couldn’t be further from the truth, so if you have anything else you’d like to know... feel free to ask :’)

(Found this article too, it seems to do a relatively better overview than I did to explain why we’re in the ninth circle of hell... it’s a longer read than this ask, I suspect, but it ought to answer any lingering questions anyhow)

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risottostitties · 5 years

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I love your headcanon posts! what are some of your headcanons (backstory and personality) for the rest of La Squadra?

Oh boy, these got kinda long. I hope you enjoy my dumb rambling about La Squadra (also my bias towards Melone and Sorbet+Gelato is showing I’m so sorry) I added the songs I used for inspiration on Sorbet and Gelato’s stands so that’s something lmao

Also also I’m still trying to figure out formatting on tumblr I’m so sorry.

Also also also I have so many dumb headcanons for the inner bureaucratic workings of Passione and what each ‘position’ in the gang entails and how Passione became a dominant force in Italy and oops I’ve slipped them in here a bit my b.

Fromaggio

- He got his start smuggling. Drugs, weapons, people, Little Feet made that a breeze.

- The thought of being an assassin never crossed his mind, because it seemed like a lot of work. More so than smuggling which was basically just getting stuff from point a to point b without getting caught.

- Fromaggio was a confident dude, laid back and easy going with an agreeable personality that most people enjoyed.

- He’s not exactly details oriented though, and that’s what came to bite him in the ass.

- He was working with one of the few groups not affiliated with Passione and it was only a matter of time before the operation was busted.

- Fromaggio never really asked many questions about his jobs, nor did he care very much who or what he was smuggling. He met with a man in Malta seeking entrance into Naples and was willing to pay handsomely. So of course, Fromaggio agreed.

- If he’d been paying more attention, he would have recognized that man as Prosciutto.

- Fromaggio brought the assassin right into their main warehouse and it was game over from there.

- Prosciutto took interest in Fromaggio’s stand and decided against killing the man, instead bringing him to Risotto to see what the Capo thought about his abilities.

- When offered a choice between dying with the rest of his old associates or joining Passione, the choice was obvious.

- He really, really enjoys gambling. Prosciutto supplements his income with Fromaggio’s gambling habit.

- Fromaggio gets along well with all of La Squadra. He’s always been an agreeable dude and he’s willing to give just about anything a shot once. So he’s at least passingly knowledgeable about the interests and hobbies of other members.

- Fromaggio, Prosciutto, Pesci, Ghiaccio, and Melone make up the main ‘kill squad’ of La Squadra where Illuso, Sorbet, and Gelato handle clean up and intel gathering.

Illuso

- Illuso does very little killing himself. For the most part, he deals with disposing of evidence. The mirror world is great for that.

- Because of this he has the lowest kill count out of all of them.

- He is Sicilian like Risotto, and they converse in Siciliano when it’s just the two of them. Neither of them is particularly chatty though.

- Ghiaccio and Pesci didn’t know he was a member of the squad for weeks because he rarely ever leaves the mirror. He doesn’t even have a room in their hideout, he just sleeps in the room of whoever forgets to cover their mirror.

- Most of the time its Pesci’s room because he feels bad

- I hc him at about 27

- He joined La Squadra after Ghiaccio and was more or less ‘gifted’ by Polpo because of his quiet demeanor.

Ghiaccio

- He’s baby (24)

- His first kill was at age 18 when he was working in a chop shop and beat someone to death with a wrench.

- Melone was the one to bring him into La Squadra, his bike was getting some work done in the shop and he was there to see Ghiaccio snap.

- Risotto wasn’t keen on letting someone so young join La Squadra and initially turned Ghiaccio away. Which pissed the boy off enough for him to seek out Polpo, demand a trial, and come back with White Album.

- He had never skated in his life, but White Album gave him the instinctive ability to do so.

- He can only skate while wearing White Album. Without it, he actually had to learn.

- He reflexes and balance also improved greatly after gaining White Album

- He’s the only one not ‘trained’ by Prosciutto, instead Risotto took over his ‘training’. The Capo wanted to personally make sure he was equipped to handle the life that comes with La Squadra.

- Risotto and Ghiaccio are quite close. Risotto was initially intrigued by White Album and Ghiaccio liked Risotto the most because he was the only person who was careful with his words.

- He’s got a keen eye for detail and an eidetic memory. He enjoys taking apart electronics and seeing how they work (and how he can improve them)

- Ghiaccio enjoys working with cars, but doesn’t like all the oil and grease.

Melone

- I hc his age at 28

- He was always too inquisitive for his own good, and very curious as a child. Most people found him annoying

- Melone has absolutely zero respect for personal space. If he likes you, he will hang off you without a second thought.

- And if someone retaliates jokes on you he think’s its hot.

- It is possible to make him angry, but he won’t let it show out of spite. You really gotta be angling for it if you want to piss him off, and if you’ve put in that much effort into getting a rise out of him he’s not going to give you the satisfaction.

- His mom was like Giorno’s, a party girl who resented her children for holding her back

- He has an older half sister who took care of him when he was younger. They were extremely close.

- From her he learned to paint nails, braid hair, and they both really enjoyed looking at horoscopes and other astrology/pseudoscience things.

- She was 10 years older than Melone, and when she married Melone went to live with her (he was about 12 at the time) and he never really got along with his brother in law.

- Her husband was in Passione, a low ranking Soldato but an ambitious one. She was aware of her husband’s occupation but decided the risk was worth the reward (and the financial stability)

- Her eventual pregnancy led to Melone’s fascination with pregnancy and childrearing.

- She died due to complications with a late term miscarriage when he was 16

- After this Melone and his brother in law stuck together. Melone joined Passione, receiving his stand from Polpo’s Arrow.

- The pair of them had a pretty good scheme going on but eventually his brother in law bit off more than he could chew, and Risotto was called in to clean up the mess.

- Babyface proved to be a challenge, and instead of eliminating Melone as he was working with the target Risotto decided to offer him a choice.

- Self-preservation won out and in a show of loyalty Melone had Babyface kill his former brother in law. At best, he tolerated the man because his sister loved him and after she died he was a good meal ticket so when his life was on the line it didn’t take much prodding for Melone to turn on him.

- It took a while for Risotto to trust him because of how easily Melone’s loyalties shifted but once that trust was earned Melone never gave Risotto a reason to regret it even if his impulsive decisions (such as dragging Ghiaccio into Passione) caused him some trouble occasionally.

Pesci

- Pesci is actually, genuinely, a sweet guy. He’s respectful of his superiors, polite (if not a bit awkward) to strangers, will offer help if he sees someone struggling with a heavy bag or something on a high grocery shelf, the whole nine yards.

- He has a habit of second guessing himself and apologizing often but is quick to offer reassurance to people if he sees they’re having a bad day.

- He also has a hair trigger temper and killed a man by snapping his neck with his bare hands.

- That’s what landed him in jail.

- Its like flipping a switch with this guy.

- Risotto personally bailed Pesci out of jail and brought him into his team because of his brute strength. It was novel, to see someone so capable without a stand.

- He received his stand from Polpo’s arrow.

- Pesci is the newest member of La Squadra, but not the youngest (that honor goes to Ghiaccio) and I personally hc him at 25

- His ‘training’ mostly consists of shadowing Prosciutto and observing how he does things. There is a lot to be learned from watching another stand user work, even if their stands are vastly different.

- He lacks real strategy, which is another reason he was teamed up with Prosciutto (who winds up ‘training’ most of the new recruits anyway)

- He’ll be considered a full fledged assassin once he completes his first job on his own (with Illuso or Fromaggio tailing him to observe, depending on the abundance of mirrors)

Sorbet and Gelato

- Of the two, Sorbet is the most talkative. He’s got a pretty good sense of humor, and a natural charisma about him that puts people at ease if they don’t already know him

- Gelato and Prosciutto are both card sharks and they keep their skills sharp by practicing on each other.

- While no one would call any of them selfless, they would lay down their lives for each other without hesitation.

- They have so many words unique to their relationship that people listening in would assume they’re talking in code half the time.

- Sorbet and Gelato are the oldest members of La Squadra. Sorbet was 36 when he died, and Gelato was 41

- Sorbet got his start in Passione, Gelato was part of a ‘merger’ so to speak.

- The previous syndicate Gelato was a part of was assimilated by Passione after Diavolo returned to Italy. He was familiar with Pericolo as they had been part of the same group.

- Sorbet and Gelato both have stands, although they were both born stand users.

- Gelato’s stand is called Mack the Knife and it allows him to eat anything regardless of size (and his stomach acid has a ph value of 1.3). On top of this, it also gives him sharp and study teeth. If for some reason something he eats breaks a tooth he has more in reserve, like a shark.

- Sorbet’s stand is called Fortunate Son and essentially it hides the user and anyone they touch in plain sight. They’re not invisible, but you must be consciously looking for Sorbet in order to find him when Fortunate Son is active.

- They joined La Squadra before it was ‘La Squadra’ Risotto (being green himself at the time) wanted more experienced people on his team but had little to no luck recruiting people until these two.

- They’re well known in the gang for their unorthodox (putting it gently) methods of doing things and kept most people from approaching them.

- Primarily they ‘interview’ people for information on Squadra targets, but those interviews always turn deadly.

- While they enjoy killing more than anyone else in La Squadra, they don’t typically get kill jobs because they’re just good at interrogating people. They make do with that just fine though. Neither of them enjoys leaving loose ends.

- Before Illuso joined, Gelato oversaw clean up and disposal.

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neverwatchedonepiece · 6 years

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531-533: "The Ryugu Palace! Taken by the Shark that they Saved!", "A Coward and a Crybaby! The Princess in the Hard Shell Tower!" and "It's an Emergency! The Ryugu Palace is Occupied!"

Pappagu’s gonna stroke out with stress. Yup. Any minute now.

Loved these episodes! The humour that took an exit stage left during Marineford (for obvious reasons) is back. Most of the humor was comedy of errors type stuff. We had Luffy accidentally bouncing on some giant mermaid tiddies. Luffy being unwittingly rude and poor Pappagu nearly having a stress embolism (look at those veins!) There was Zoro getting drunk and waking up in a jail cell. Brook, Usopp, Nami and Zoro accidentally occupying the entire palace and taking a bunch of important hostages... xD

There were some short updates on other characters too. Some have already had an impact on the plot. Caribou has kidnapped some Mermaids with intent to sell them at the Sabaody slave market. Without knowing it, he has exacted perfect revenge on the Strawhats! But how will you leave Fishman Island, Caribou. You don’t have a ship, you absolute roaster.

Others I’m guessing Oda is keeping up his sleeve for later. Robin, Franky, Sanji and Chopper are still at large. Robin is wandering the island in search of important evidence of missing history. Franky, bless his mechanical heart, is off looking for Tom-san’s family. Chopper is done treating Sanji. He has a new point: Kung Fu Point. Nice to see that Chopper has some more offensive abilities that don’t completely strip him of his intelligence. :)

That’s Some Nice Real Estate, Neptune. Would Be A Shame If Someone Occupied It.

You know what? I like Neptune. His advisors might browbeat him, but at least he’s the type of ruler who will listen to advice, even if he doesn’t take it. He has his own mind and will follow his inner sense of justice, though it might conflict with what his advisors tell him.

Luffy on the Fish Boat back to Ryugu Palace was hilarious, though. Neptune kept doing a Jason Derulo: saying his own damned name all the time in the little songs he sang to himself and Luffy was like, “Mate, your chant is dumb.” (I mean, Luffy, you’re not wrong but maybe not to the king’s face next time?) Either Neptune is chilled enough to ignore it, or he didn’t hear, Pappagu did, though, and was on hand to give Luffy a five-armed starfish spanking.

Neptune cares about his family too. The princess’ happiness is important and as she can’t get out the house much (more on that later) rescuing Megalo was a Big Deal. “Didn’t mean to save you, but I’m glad you’re okay!”

Too honest, Luffy! xD

Then Neptune told the Strawhats that one of their crewmates was already there. I knew instantly it was Zoro. Only Zoro could be that hopelessly lost that he’d accidentally infiltrate a palace with only one heavily guarded entrance and a buzzer system.

There was also a handy bit of world-building. Neptune handed Luffy a device that looked suspiciously like a pink dildo with multipurpose attachments. It was called Bubbly Coral and enables the user to form their own oxygen bubbles whenever, wherever. Useful.

They zoomed through the entrance flume and emerged into a beautiful place full of light, grand buildings, colour and dragon statues. Dat real estate.

As soon as Neptune stepped through the door, his Minister of the Right advisor (seahorse guy) got laid into him. “WTF, my lord?? You went out again on your own? You know the situation in this country??” Neptune is like Princess Jasmine All he needs is a cute Sea Tiger pet and he’s sorted. Either that, or Neptune is confident enough in his strength to face whatever’s out there.

The Minister of the Left (catfish guy) took one look at the company Neptune had brought back and was like, “Um.... my lord, there’s something you should know about those Strawhat Pirates.” They spilled the current intel: Memaids had been kidnapped, which is something human pirates are known to do, and Madame Sharley had predicted Luffy would destroy Fishman Island. Unconscious Zoro had already been taken into custody. The rest of the Strawhats were under arrest!

(I’m having doubts about this Madame Sharley, by the way. I wonder if she’s working with Hordy Jones, or is being forced to work with him? Zero basis for this prediction. Only that the timing of the prediction is pretty damned convenient...)

Then Everyone Fell Out

Suddenly, the Strawhats were surrounded by guards. I say the Strawhats. I mean Usopp, Nami and Brook because Luffy had gone AWOL (more on that later). The Mermen made a sensible, tactical decision to burst the Strawhats’ bubbles and force them to fight in the water. But they made the mistake of showing Nami how to operate the Bubbly Coral. She used a giant one to drain the room of water. (Good job, Nami. Quick thinking as usual!) Brook had a badass moment. That’s why I like him. He can go from his goofy, kind, fun-loving self to scary swordsman with a snap of his bony fingers.

Usopp was ready to throw down, which was a nice surprise. I was so hyped to see what his new weapon can do, but was blue-balled. Ah, well. Next time! :D

Oh, and Zoro let himself out of jail. xD

Or Zori, as Neptune kept calling him. Another trait to add to Neptune being a stand up guy was that he volunteered to fight Zori because he didn’t want anyone else getting hurt. A good king!

The next thing, Zoro had plowed through everyone and Usopp was freaking out about overkill! “FFS, Zoro! We were just going to intimidate them and run!”

Zoro thought, “Yes. Run. Let’s bail.”

Usopp said, “A great plan, but we don’t know where Sunny is. Plus, the coating came off when we crashed through the bubble.”

Nami also added that the Log Pose had been unstable ever since they arrived (what does that mean?)

Then a nearby DDM rang.

Accidental Criminals

This whole scene was hilarious. Honestly, I came into this arc expecting lots of heavy stuff about Fishman vs humans racism and I’m getting accidental criminal activity and comedy hostage-takings. It’s awesome.

Zoro picked up the DDM and Usopp freaked out. “Don’t pick it you, you dumbass!” It was Fukaboshi, the eldest Merprince. He asked Zoro to open the gate.

“Yeah, no can do. But I’ll tell you what you can do...”

For Zoro had spied an Opportunity. (For all everyone calls Zoro a dumbass, he can be really clever sometimes).

“We have your father and the palace hostage. We need a new coating for the Sunny. And we need the rest of our crew: a gloomy woman, a robot, a raccoon, and a dirty water imp.”

“HAHAHAH, a dirty water imp. Classic!” Brook chortled.

“Oh, and a million Berry in cash, please, Zoro,” Nami added.

The Strawhats really have taken a level in grey morality, it’s hilarious. Their reactions to Zoro’s Big Idea were even more than I’d have expected from them two years ago (except Nami. She’s always had half an eye on treasure). And they are clearly confident they can escape from Fishman Island in one piece.

Fukaboshi agreed because he had no choice. It seems he’s a stand up kinda guy too, because he delivered a message from Jimbei to Luffy (this caused a stir in the palace. Jimbei is even more godly down there than on the surface).

The message was: “Do not fight against Hordy. I will meet you at the Sea Forest.”

Do not fight against Hordy? Really? There’s history between them, right? Jimbei and Hordy, I mean. They were both Sun Pirates. Or is that Arlong and Jimbei? Yeah, I think it’s Arlong and Jimbei. But maybe Hordy was also on that crew?

Something is up here...

But I never found out what because some Big Booms happened off-panel in the direction of the Princess’ room.

Which happened to be where Luffy was, of course.

Princess Peach

So Luffy, who only came to the palace for food, got fed up within 0.5 seconds of arriving and wandered off. He came across a pair of massive, solid-looking doors. A pair of axes were embedded in them. Must admit my first thought was, “Oh cool, the princess is an angry, fighting type!”

Nope. Completely wrong.

Luffy sneaked inside because he could smell food. One thing led to another and he ended up bouncing on the giant Mermaid Princess’ giant tiddies. (If Sanji ever finds out, he will never speak to Luffy again.)

Of course, she woke up and was like, “Why is there a tiny human bouncing on my tiddies? I did not consent to this.” And she shrieked and cried, as you would if some hungry, little random was bouncing on you. I love how Luffy could not deal with her giant tears. It’s one of his rare weaknesses. Like, what, why are you crying, stop, plz, I did nothing to you.

Turns out the Princess is not a fighting type. She is actually a terrified, sweet girl who has been locked in a Hard Shell Tower for ten years because Captain Bloody Vander Decken is an annoying fucking sex-pest who will not take no for an answer!

The action briefly cut to him ranting away about how he was convinced Neptune wanted to force her into a political marriage because she was really in love with Decken. That he could not allow her to be with anyone else and he would rather see her dead than with anyone else. “Your life is either death or marriage. I will present her this lovely boomerang axe with a rose on it.” You know, because if you’re going to be decapitated, I guess it’s nice to know it’s done with love and good intentions, right? Absolutely insane. This guy is Major Incel Material.

Of course, Decken’s latest “gift” whirled into the room and Luffy stopped it. He was like, “WTF, where did this come from?”

The Guards burst in and the Princess saved Luffy’s ass by hiding him. Of course, Luffy overheard what had happened to the others. He wasn’t bothered. “Meh, that’s fine. Your lot won’t be able to control them, anyway.” Just goes to show how much faith Luffy has in his crew’s strength after those two years.

To repay Luffy, the Princess said he could eat her giant food. While he ate, she asked him questions. The most interesting was this one:

“You’re a pirate,” she said. “Does that mean you’re a bad person?”

Luffy thought about this, then answered, “Hmm... I dunno. You decide.”

(Just another incident to add to my growing: Luffy’s Grey Morality Evidence Pile.)

The Princess told Luffy Decken has a DF power called Mark Mark. It sounds pretty useful, actually, (which is bad for her). If he designates someone as his mark, he can throw a weapon and hit them every time, unless an obstacle is in the way. That’s why she’d been locked in the Tower for ten years.

Luffy was confused, as you would be if someone told you that. “He wants to marry you but wants to kill you? WTF?” and said, “Ten years? You must be bored. I’d get sick if someone locked me up for ten years.”

Then he yelled at her because she poked his cheeks while he was eating (tbh, that would make me mad too. Just because he’s little does not mean Luffy is a pet!) But she’s just a lonely girl with minimal social skills because she’s been locked up for so long and she could not handle Luffy yelling at her.

Luffy being Luffy, was honest to the point of being Super Harsh. “You might be big, but you’re a coward and a crybaby. I don’t like you! You’ve stayed hear for ten years, eh? That could make you sick. Isn’t there anywhere you wanna go? Come on, let’s go for a walk!”

Luffy gave her the Unblinking Luffy Stare.

There is no returning from that.

Once he puts an idea in someone’s head and gives them That Look, they are done for.

The whole meeting the Princess scenes reminded me of the Big Baby from Spirited Away. The one who wouldn’t go outside because Yubaba had told him all about germs and he was afraid but was still fascinated by Chihiro because he was lonely and wanted her to play. Except this situation is more complicated because Neptune is a Good Dad and only wants to protect his daughter from a pest who he is trying to arrest but cannot find. It’s for her safety. Just as well Luffy is there with a cunning plan to get her out for a walk, eh?

Nah, Luffy. Absolutely no one will realise there’s something up here... xD

Sex-Pest Shakes Hands With Roid Peddler

Meanwhile, the shady villains have teamed up! I don’t think that’s happened in One Piece yet. It’s an alliance of convenience based on a common enemy. They both hate Neptune for different reasons. Hordy’s is political. Decken’s? Because he’s a sex-pest.

Prediction? I bet Hordy will betray Decken. Evidence? None. Just wishful thinking. I want to see Decken get his pathetic ass kicked.

“And I would like to add a side order of salt and chili fries to our ransom demands.”

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fallout4holmes · 6 years

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Far Harbor 5

The local soda factory housing Dima’s secret medical facility was home to a large group of super mutants. We fought past and made our way to the basement. There was a large patch of bare earth in the middle of the floor. We looked at each other, and with great dread wordlessly agreed. After all, we were looking for buried secrets.

What we found was a skeleton, with a locket, and a holotape. The tape held a conversation between Dima and a synth woman. She asked if it would hurt. He told her yes, that it would feel like having everything she was ripped out and replaced with something else. He secretly planted a synth among the Far Harbor populace, someone who would be reasonable and open to accepting synths, a bridge between worlds. The locket identified his victim as Captain Avery.

Valentine was… grim. “Just when I'd decided to give him an honest chance, we find this.”

I moved further into the basement, both to be thorough and out of a desperate desire to find some evidence that we were mistaken, that my partner’s brother wasn’t a utilitarian murderer. “We'll give him a chance to explain.”

“Explain?” He followed me into the next room, a chamber with computers and a security door. “What explanation could -”

A voice interrupted us from a speaker in the control panel, “Scanning. Approved user detected. Synth prototype. Unlocking medical area door.”

To say Valentine was disturbed would be an understatement. “What? This thing knows what I am? How? Just who are you?”

The voice from the intercom identified itself as KYE 1.1, a computer intelligence designed to control medical facilities. Specifically, “the room through that door.” It continued, “You match all specifications for an approved user. Personally speaking, they were very narrow.”

Valentine frowned. “This must be Dima's handiwork. Guess he never thought another prototype synth would be on the island. Might as well take a look.”

I almost wish we hadn’t, that we’d just let the knowledge of what happened lie and not seen that room, the handprint of blood on the countertop, the red streak of a body dragged across the floor…

Valentine was aghast. “What… was all this blood from turning that woman into a replacement, or is this where Avery met her end?”

I sighed, “It's a gruesome picture either way… Valentine, wait.”

He was already halfway up the basement steps, “I've got questions for that 'brother’ of mine.”

“We don't know if more mutants are in the building, slow down!”

At least he slowed, but he radiated fury. I’ve never seen him so angry. This wasn’t just the righteous outrage at the loss of a life, this was horror and disgust and betrayal by someone he had been willing to try to forgive.

I tried to remain calm and reasonable, some sort of voice of logic, though God knows it was the most difficult time I’ve ever had of it. “We will confront him, he will have his say, and then we will determine what to do next.”

I could faintly hear metal grinding together from how tightly he clenched his jaw. I wanted nothing more than to do or say something to make that tension fade, but…

He nodded once, “Fine.” And we began the silent walk back to Acadia.

We went straight to Dima upon arrival. He greeted us with some quiet nervousness. He didn’t know what he had hidden, but I wonder if he suspected what we would find. Valentine stood behind me, silent. I started with the easy revelations, the launch key and the kill switch for the wind turbines. Dima was distressed by both.

“You saw, of course, the submarine is rusted into the dry dock,” he said. “The only target that missile is ever going to hit is the base itself. We have to keep that key out of the wrong hands. The Nucleus has innocent people living there among the zealots threatening Far Harbor.”

“We found the launch key, already. We’ll make sure it's never used,” I assured him, “but why create a kill switch for the wind turbines powering Far Harbor’s Fog condensers?”

“I remember… I was afraid that Far Harbor might turn against us. See us as too different for their precious island. So I made a contingency plan. Mass murder. I hid the kill switch code because I couldn't stomach the thought of actually using it. Then I hid the memory because I couldn't even stand knowing I made it.” He sounded amazed and horrified that he had even considered his action, “What have I done? If the Children of Atom were to ever get a hold of that code, they would destroy the town.”

“We already have the code. Far Harbor is safe.”

He was relieved. “Good. Now we just need to find some way to end this conflict. When the Fog got worse, the people of Far Harbor killed a Child of Atom missionary. There's been nothing but hatred and bloodshed since.” He hesitated, “But, you found… something else, in my memories, didn’t you? I can tell by the look on your face, the way Nick is… what was it?”

I handed him the last memory, and the locket. “You killed Captain Avery and replaced her with a synth.”

“What? That's impossible. Let me see…” His next words were anguished, “I... I did it. I killed a woman from Far Harbor and replaced her. I stripped a synth's identity from her and made her an agent…”

“You're a fraud,” I said.

“I… I needed to calm Far Harbor. A moderate voice. An example of what humanity should be. How we could exist together as equals. But I couldn't live with the memories of the blood on my hands…”

“It's called willful ignorance for a reason,” Valentine muttered.

If Dima could have shed tears, I believe he would have. “I can... remember it... the blood. The life ebbing from that woman's eyes... The screams… A human and a synth are both gone because of me!”

“You did this on your own?” I pressed, “No one else in Acadia is involved?”

He calmed somewhat, though the sadness remained. “What I've done goes against all of our ideals. I even hid it from myself. So, no, there can't be anyone else.” He studied me carefully, then. “If Far Harbor knew I had done this, they wouldn't destroy just me. They'd come after Acadia. And then without us, the Fog condensers will eventually fall into disrepair. Everyone will die.”

With a heavy sigh, I nodded, “This will be kept secret.”

Valentine glowered, “Is this what we call justice? A woman is killed in cold blood and we let it slide?”

“Would you have him killed?” I challenged. “That is what will happen if Dima turns himself in, if Far Harbor ever found out about this. You know as well as I do that there is no law in Far Harbor, only tradition and ancient customs. Avery and the synth who became her will find no justice in an angry mob.”

He frowned, still angry, but he said, “Alright. For the sake of the rest of the synths here, and the people in Far Harbor who’d die without Acadia’s technology, we’ll keep quiet. For now.”

Dima spoke quietly, somber and shaken. “Thank you. I promise you, as long as Far Harbor stands, I will make sure that Acadia does everything to make up for my crimes. Maybe the... guilt, will keep me focused…”

“Didn’t stop you before,” Valentine bit.

Dima winced, but said, “I… may have a plan to keep the peace on the island. Unfortunately, it is… as gruesome as the last.”

“What?” Valentine shouted, “Who has to die this time?!”

“Nick, please, listen,” Dima begged, “As horrifying as it might be to suggest, if Far Harbor could be made more... tranquil... by our intervention, then perhaps the same trick will work twice, on the Children of Atom. We could replace High Confessor Tektus with someone willing to forgive Far Harbor and work towards reconciling.”

“I can’t believe we’re even considering this. Holmes?”

“There must be another way, Dima.”

Dima shook his head, “None that I can see. The authority of the High Confessor is absolute. The Children of Atom won't see the need for peace unless he... changes his mind.” He looked at Nick, “I do not suggest this lightly. I have spent so much time trying to find a way, but it remained impossible because High Confessor Tektus will never permit peace… and removing him was never a possibility I considered. Until now.”

Valentine looked away. “It’s your call,” he said softly.

It hurt. I was disgusted and horrified when I found proof of the Institute’s practice of replacing those they wanted on their side, and now here I was agreeing to the same. “In some corner of Hell, he’s laughing at me,” I whispered to no one in particular. To Dima, I said, “Tell me every detail of your plan.”

The plan was to lure the Confessor to a secluded location and dispose of the body. I countered that convincing him to leave would serve the same purpose. Dima agreed, though he doubted it would be possible. For bait, Dima asked us to retrieve recordings of his conversations with Confessor Martin. He would use these to create false evidence of Martin's return, an unlikely possibility that Tektus nonetheless fears.

As we started to leave, Valentine suddenly turned and marched right back to where Dima stood. “There's zero reason for me to think you actually give a damn, but if you really mean all that junk about Acadia making up for your sins, if you really are happy to see me again and want a chance at starting over, you have to promise you'll never remove a memory like this again. You have to live with the crimes you've committed and all the guilt that goes with them like everyone else.”

Dima was taken aback, “I… yes, I promise.”

“Good.”

We left to find Kasumi, to let her know everything we discovered. She was distressed, and wondered what would happen to Acadia, if it was worth saving. I told her Acadia was a good idea, in theory, and that the synths staying there were innocent and should be protected until proven otherwise. This seemed to reassure her. She still wants to stay, for the time being, but this has given her a great deal to consider.

Neither of us were in any frame of mind to stay put in that place. The only other option was to return to Far Harbor. We were greeted by the sight of Allen Lee, the gruff weapons shop owner, with his gun pointed at a Child of Atom. Avery looked on with horror as he gave his speech to a small crowd of Harbormen and women, trying to find some way to stop him.

We hurried forward, “What’s going on?”

“This doesn’t concern you, mainlander,” Allen spat. “This here saboteur meant to cut us off from food and water. Punishment is pretty clear, Captain.”

With a heavy sigh, Avery took stock of the crowd and conceded, “Do what you must.”

The Child of Atom died. A cry went up from among the crowd, “You were right, Allen!”

He was bolstered, vindicated as he challenged Avery, “Now will you listen to sense? The Children of Atom need to be wiped clean off this island.”

Avery was not impressed. “You've had your blood today. I can't stomach any more of it. All of you, show’s over. Go home.”

The crowd dispersed, leaving the body outside the gate, abandoned.

“You were right,” Valentine said. “There’s no justice in this place. Saboteur or not, this execution was just one man looking for trouble, a mob hoping for something to blame. If we’d hauled Dima down here...” He didn’t finish the thought. He didn’t need to.

We returned to the private room for rent in the Last Plank. Dima needs time to prepare a volunteer to sacrifice themselves and become another person. We will take full advantage of that fact and stay a few days in Far Harbor. Valentine asked if we would tell Avery what we found. I doubt she would thank us for ripping away what she perceives as her life, her identity. It wouldn’t be the first time I hid the truth to save a life, and it likely won’t be the last.

I sat on the bed, writing the above when Valentine leaned against the wall across from me, arms folded. “You know, if he's as smart as he had to have been, he's not laughing.” I glanced up, puzzled. “From his corner of Hell,” he clarified.

I scoffed, “Why not? Everyone in the Institute talked about the sacrifices he made, the great work he did in the name of their ideal, their vision.”

“That vision involved a race of slaves underground serving humanity for the rest of time with the surface as their experiment dumping ground. Bit different than stopping three groups from destroying each other on a small island.”

“We are using the end to justify the means. And I agreed to it.”

“Yeah,” he sighed, “but if we can't hold back an angry mob, and a whole lot of innocent lives are lost, then that's on us. We've seen what the people here are like. Dima says he killed a person to protect his people. That prejudiced jackass selling guns down the street uses the same excuse for killing every Child of Atom he sees. At least Dima seems to feel guilty about it.”

“Valentine, if it were different, if we knew Acadia would be safe, would you have him executed? It's the penalty here for the crime of murder.”

“And sabotage, apparently,” he grumbled, lighting a cigarette, “and who knows what else. I don't like covering this up. Dima needs to pay for his crimes, but at the same time… it's strange, knowing he got me out of the Institute. That he could have been family.”

“Do you want him to be?”

“That's what I've been asking myself since we met him.” He shook his head, “Why do you think he hid that memory, the one of us fighting? He recognized me, knew we left together, but then was it a blank? He knew I was gone, but that was it?”

I shrugged, “If it's true that he hid the other memories because of his guilt, then that may have been the case for the memory of the fight. He probably thought you were dead, or at the very least that he would never see you again.”

Valentine sat down beside me, “I wish I could remember more about him… eh, then again, maybe I don't. Maybe it would just make this whole business worse, if that's possible.”

I placed my hand on his, “We’ll get through. As someone very dear to me once said, ‘I know the night just got darker, but it won’t last forever.’”

He smiled, just a little, but a smile all the same. “Was he right?”

“He was.”

He chuckled, softly. “Here’s hoping it proves true a second time around. Thanks, partner.”

We decided to stay a couple of days in Far Harbor and do what we can to help the people here. They certainly need it, but more importantly even if this plan works, even if the Children of Atom can be made docile, the hostility the people feel for every outsider is only going to cause more conflict further down the road. So, we will show them not all outsiders are things to be feared.

#fallout 4 #sherlock holmes #crossover #fan fiction #nick valentine #dima #far harbor

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jillmckenzie1 · 5 years

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We All Suck at Dating

A common lead question in the world of online dating is: “What are you looking for?”

Aside from being a grammatical nightmare, this question poses its own set of anxiety-ridden answers. Because how hard in the paint do you really go in response to this question when you’re on the third line of a burgeoning digital transaction? The words that your thumbs manage to string together will inevitably become the foundation for any further communication (or lack thereof).

Sidebar. Dude, didn’t you read my bio? It clearly states, “Looking for a real life human with whom to do rad things. Sucker for good teeth, nice calves, and witty banter. Here for the shirtless gym selfies (you guys, it’s a joke).” Seems pretty self-explanatory to me.

My typical response to the aforementioned question goes something like this: “Surely not looking to get laid off an app. And absolutely not interested in receiving dick pics. Would be great to find a real-life male with whom to do cool shit who also believes in hand-holding, ass-grabbing, Netflix binge-watching, and tag-team Whole Foods shopping.”

Once upon a time, I had a younger guy respond to this answer: “But does our age difference bother you?”

Cough. Cough. He clearly wasn’t aware of my subconscious bias towards younger men.

I replied, “Age is a number. Maturity is a barometer for compatibility. Why? Were you simply trying to send dick pics?”

*unmatch*

I’m sorry, WUT?! Respectable people say goodbye, or they’re not interested, or that they don’t find my humor to be as amusing as I do; they do not just act like [insert desired superlative here] and vanish into thin air (as if I wrote the book on this stuff or something).

Here’s the point. By all means, unmatch me. I don’t give any number of fucks about our premature termination of conversation. The guy I choose is going to choose me in return. He’s going to laugh at the fact that I attempt to turn him on by mentioning that I always return my shopping carts. He’s going to send me memes and screenshots of tiny houses. He’s going to share my affinity towards Mexican food and ask me for my LinkedIn profile instead of my SnapChat handle, and he’ll really mean it when he says that he’s not in search of a booty call.

At the end of the day, I have zero interest in entertaining a guilt-free ghoster. The issue here is the action. Because dammit, it’s hard enough out there. Can’t we all just play by some unstated rules that, at the very least, are governed by the premise of honesty?

I know. It’s asking a lot.

But that brings me to my next point. About dating. We all suck at it. Yes, all of us. I’m actually quite amazed by how many of us seek to individually claim this title from every rooftop, blog post, and digital message warehouse. At the risk of sounding arrogant, I just don’t think there’s anything unique about it.

We. All. Suck.

A small bit of evidence exists in our mutual affection towards Netflix and chill. I’ve seen enough dating profiles in these last few years to make one overarching and absolutely assertive statement: when given the choice, we’ll all opt for a night spent on the couch in sweatpants eating ice cream with our dog over any nightclub and party scenario. Seriously, I have yet to encounter any male in the digital stratosphere who prefers the latter.

Because, in my humble opinion, no one wants to find his or her significant other in a bar. Absolutely not. For some, sure, the bar provides a perfect backdrop for the infamous one-night stand; I’m quasi-drunk and you’re quasi-cute (could be up for debate in the morning), so in the words of Marvin Gaye, “Let’s get it on.”

But a match–someone who challenges us and makes our lives a whole hell of a lot better (even on the worst days)–yeah, we’re not walking into any bars with the expectation of finding a soulmate.

And, despite our current aversion to commitment that is fueled by our unrelenting fear of missing out alongside our limitless access to infinite information and individuals, we do want a soulmate. Not because we believe in this antiquated ideology that only one person was made for us. No, millennials don’t walk into this world with the Shakespearian belief that compatibility is reserved for a single Romeo and his Juliet.

We more appropriately approach the definition of “soulmates” as two people who show up to participate in a revolutionized companionship. We are a generation that fully understands the power of choice, and we want to exercise this right romantically as much as we want to frequent farmer’s markets in lieu of spending our dollars at chain grocery stores. We believe in making ourselves whole, as individuals, in order to more powerfully stand beside someone who is doing the same. So, we choose ourselves as the catalyst to choose our other.

And yet, even inside of this space of a beautiful and raw and authentic desire to find a forever partner-in-crime, we’re still ghosting and we’re still sending dick pics. I’m sorry, rescind. We’re still sending dick videos. Yes, apparently, I graduated into some upper echelon of male debauchery.

Let me expand. A guy who I sparingly chatted with months ago decided to Snap me one lonely night in February (if you don’t know what “Snapping” is, keep it that way). I opened the video (which is the extent of my SnapChat proficiencies), and bam, hello, hi. My brain immediately hit overdrive as I considered throwing my phone 23 feet across the entirety of my Airstream.

I’m sorry, I haven’t spoken to you since November – neither did any previous conversation incite such ridiculous swapping of privates – and I’m now supposed to be the proud recipient of your amateur x-rated video?! Please, no. PLEASE NO.

Of course, I fired back something saucy (as if I’m going to save the world one indecent digital exposure at a time). And in the spirit of true chivalry (insert massive eyeroll here), he said that it was a mistake: “Wrong Stephanie.”

I actually can’t even (read: bull-fucking-shit).

But my potential diatribe inside an app that was literally designed to delete user history wouldn’t be saving anyone. My only hope at such a stage is the block feature because, at the end of the day, I simply don’t have time for this nonsense. Much like I don’t have time for the old flame (think college) who thought it was cute to slide into my DMs with questions about the kind of underwear I happened to be wearing. Or, the fact that exhibit B continues to patronize me with pet names (even after we established, months ago, that a romantic relationship between us would simply be settling).

Newsflash: y’all aren’t cute. YOU ALL ARE NOT CUTE.

And around we go, hiding behind our phone screens because we want the one (or at least one of the viable ones) to drop into our lives with the same level of excitement experienced by teenagers across America when Usher finally released his third studio album, 8701.

If you ask me, the going around is getting quite old. In fact, my motion sickness is at an all-time high. In the metaphor, I’m projectile vomiting out the back passenger-side window. Don’t ask me who’s driving. I don’t know.

What I do know is that I’m not puking alone.

Fact one. We’re drowning in our individual and collective nausea without any idea of how to stop the damn car. Or, at very least, slow it down. And we sure as hell don’t know where it’s going.

Fact two. Together, we are more powerful than the driver. But I’m not sure if we believe that (yet), and if we do believe it, I’m not sure that we know how to take control of the wheel (yet).

Because I would hate for us to resign ourselves to the fact that this whole dating thing is out of our control. I would hate for our desire of depth to become clouded by our habitual superficiality. I would hate for us to throw away our integrity in the name of conformity.

And I write this to us because I write this to myself. Plot twist, people. I, too, suck at dating. My judgment of those without an inkling of digital wit is embarrassingly high. It is standard issue for me to ghost anyone who resorts to asking me about my day within the first 24 hours of communication.

We just met. It’s fine. My day was fine. Am I supposed to tell you what I ate for lunch? Or about the conversation that I had with my mom? Or the hours I spent browsing Amazon for a new duvet cover?

Seriously, ask me anything else. And, please, I beg you, be funny. And charming (but not too charming). Our future depends on it.

Case in point. In a land far, far away, some guy asked me if I’d ever seen a movie titled La Strada. Clearly, not English. My answer was (and still is) no.

He wrote, “It’s foreign, so you have to be okay with subtitles.”

Well, no shit.

Me: “Great, I learned to read at a young age and quickly surpassed all of my peers, so this is promising.”

*crosses fingers and begs for a witty response*

His reply: “I like that answer. I need someone confident in what sets them apart.”

No dice.

*waves white flag*

I surrender. I absolutely surrender.

And by “surrender,” I mean that I simply fell off the face of the planet, never to associate with this poor guy (who probably had zero interest in sending a dick pic, let alone a dick video) ever again.

I just didn’t have it in me to push through in hopes of unearthing my very own Steve Carrell.

I’ll give you ten minutes. Make ‘em count. Effortlessly get me to laugh out loud, and I’ll strongly consider fraternizing as real-life people.

Hold up. Real. Life. People.

Yes, let’s be very clear, any digital union that transpires in human-to-human interaction is call for a good old-fashioned golf clap. Because it’s an anomaly by anyone’s standards.

So here we are. Together. Meandering through the airwaves and the land mines. Motion sick beyond measure. And I’d like to believe that we’re not helpless here, so my challenge is that we take control of the car. My challenge is that we align our actions and our words. Because there is nothing sexier than honesty. And honesty–honesty will save us. Also, humor. But mostly honesty.

We must be able to articulate for who or what we are looking. It is a common lead question because it is the question. It provides the foundation for action and expectation so, to revisit my initial commentary, we should go as hard in the paint as humanly possible (think Zion Williamson type shenanigans) in our responses. Because this answer allows us to proceed in a space where vulnerability is safe–whether we both swiped right in a sea of digital profiles or, quite literally, ran into each other in the singles line of our favorite chairlift.

You do not have to be in the search for serious. But you do owe the community your truth. The power is in your voice. And please, for the love of all things beautiful, let’s commit to considerate farewells that make “ghosting” so 2018 (as in, bye).

Speaking of bye and the singles line and chairlifts, I had to text my ex-boyfriend the other day to get back my second key fob for the entrance to my RV park

I refuse to pay the $20 for a replacement, okay. Judge me.

It had been nearly a month of not communicating, so you can surmise that it was a conversation that I’d been consciously avoiding. To be honest, I had stubbornly supported the idea that he should contact me first.

Obviously, unsuccessful.

So I spent hours typing and re-typing and then re-re-typing some ridiculous message that started with a Nugget update and ended with, “Oh yea, I need that key fob back.” I then spent hours deciphering and re-deciphering and then re-re-deciphering his response: “No problem. I’ll bring it to work and you can swing by one day and grab it when you’re done riding.” Please note, there is nothing cryptic here.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little bit nervous to, once again, look our honesty in the eye. Our ease had existed in our shared interest of doing the work. We had used our voices. And we both believed in the power of a considerate farewell. Also, laughing, there was lots of laughing.

For all intents and purposes, we were great. Apparently, our timing was not.

I’m reminding myself that, at the very least, this relationship taught me that there is hope for our collective whole to be better. It was the catalyst for me to shed an intense layer of distasteful cynicism. And for that, I can willingly embrace the uncomfortable.

It’s just two minutes. It’s just a key fob.

Dating. It’s still a game of numbers. And we simply need to, in all of our honesty, keep showing up.

Together, we can stop the suck.

from Blog https://ondenver.com/we-all-suck-at-dating/

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cmst138 · 7 years

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Face ID has upsides and downsides on both security and usability and isn't less secure than a PIN or Touch ID in practice (Troy Hunt)

I was wondering recently after poring through yet another data breach how many people actually use multi-step verification. I mean here we have a construct where even if the attacker has the victim's credentials, they're rendered useless once challenged for the authenticator code or SMS which is subsequently set. I went out looking for figures and found the following on Dropbox:

"less than 1% of the Dropbox user base is taking advantage of the company’s two-factor authentication feature": https://t.co/AdbYwWGb7t

— Troy Hunt (@troyhunt) June 3, 2016

Less than 1%. That's alarming. It's alarming not just because the number is so low, but because Dropbox holds such valuable information for so many people. Not only that, but their multi-step implementation is very low-friction - you generally only ever see it when setting up a new machine for the first time.

But here's the problem with multi-step verification: it's a perfect example of where security is friction. No matter how easy you make it, it's something you have to do in addition to the thing you normally do, namely entering a username and password. That's precisely the same problem with getting people to put PINs on their phone and as a result, there's a huge number of devices out there left wide open. How many? It's hard to tell because there's no easy way of collecting those stats. I found one survey from 2014 which said 52% of people have absolutely nothing protecting their phone. Another in 2016 said the number is more like 34%. Keep searching and you'll find more stats of wildly varying values but the simple fact remains that there are a huge number of people out there with no protection on the device at all.

And this brings us to Face ID. I'm writing this the day after the iPhone X launch and obviously this pattern of biometric login is now going to be a major part of the Apple security strategy:

Of course, this now brings with it the whole biometrics discussion and to some extent, it's similar to the one we had when Touch ID launched in 2013 with the iPhone 5S. Obviously there are differences, but many of the issues are also the same. Either way, in my mind both pose fantastic upsides for 99.x% of people and I shared that thought accordingly:

Face ID: for 99.x% of people, their "threat actors" are people who steal their phone at a bar. For everyone else, don't use biometrics.

— Troy Hunt (@troyhunt) September 12, 2017

Not everyone agreed though and there were some responses I honestly didn't see coming. I want to outline some of the issues with each and why per the title of this post, "pragmatic security" is really important here.

No ID

Let's start here because it's the obvious one. Missing PINs on phones provides zero protection from any adversary that gets their hands on it; the kids, a pickpocket or law enforcement - it's free rein for all. Free reign over photos and videos, free reign over messages and email and free reign to communicate with anyone else under the identity of the device owner. I'm stating things here that may seem obvious to you, but clearly the risks haven't yet hit home for many people.

A lack of PIN has also proved very useful for remote attackers. Back in 2014 I wrote about the "Oleg Pliss" situation where unprotected devices were being remotely locked and ransomed. This was only possible when the device didn't have a PIN, a fact the attacker abused by then placing their own on it after gaining access to the victim's online Apple account.

But we can't talk about devices not having any authentication without talking about why and that almost always comes down to friction. The Dropbox multi-step verification situation described above where an additional security control is imposed. So let's move on and start talking about that friction, let's talk about PINs.

The first point I'll make here as I begin talking about the 3 main security constructs available is that they're all differently secure. This is not a case of one is "secure" and another is "insecure" in any sort of absolute way and anyone referring to them in this fashion is missing a very important part of the narrative. With that said, let's look at the pros and cons involved here.

Obviously, the big pro of a PIN is familiarity (that and not having the problems mentioned above, of course). If you can remember a number, you can set a PIN and hey, we're all good at remembering numbers, right? Like that same one that people use everywhere... which is obviously a con. And this is a perfect example of the human element we so frequently neglect when having this discussion: people take shortcuts with PINs. They reuse them. They follow basic patterns. They disclose them to other people - how many people's kids know the PIN that unlocks their phone? And before you answer "not mine", you're (probably) not normal people by virtue of being interested enough in your security to be here reading this post in the first place!

But PINs are enormously popular and even when you do use the biometric options we're about to get into, you're still going to need one on your phone anyway. For example, every time you hard-reboot an iPhone with Touch ID you need to enter the PIN. When you do, depending on the environment you're in you may be a bit inclined to do so like this:

This is Edward Snowden typing his password in whilst under a blanket in the Citizenfour documentary. He's doing everything he can to ensure there's no way his password can be observed by others because this is precisely the problem with passwords - anyone who has yours can use it (again, this is why multi-step verification is so important). Now you may argue that Snowden's threat profile is such that he needs to take such measures and you're right - I can see exactly why he'd do this. But this also means recognising that different people have different threat profiles and whilst Ed was worried about the likes of the NSA specifically targeting him as a high-value individual, you are (almost certainly) not.

We've all been warned about the risk of shoulder surfing at one time or another and it's pretty common to find it represented in corporate training programs in a similar fashion to this:

Except as it relates to PINs on phones, the problem is much worse. Firstly, it's worse because it's a PIN that's a mere 4 or 6 digits (you could always go alphanumeric on an iPhone but that'll be a near-zero percentage of people) and there's only 10 characters to choose from so observing and remembering them isn't hard. Secondly, mobile devices are obviously used in, well, mobile locations so you're unlocking them on the train, in the shops and in a whole raft of locations where people can directly observe you. When using Apple Pay is a perfect example: you're standing in a queue with people in front of you and people behind you waiting for you to pay for your shopping and that's not a great environment to be entering a secret by pressing a small number of big buttons on a publicly observable screen.

And then there's all the really niche attacks against PINS, for example using thermal imaging to detect the locations the screen was tapped. Now that's by no means trivial, but some of criticisms being levelled at biometrics are also by no means trivial so let's keep it an even playing field. Even entering your PIN in an open space away from people presents a risk in the presence of the burgeoning number of surveillance cameras that are present.

But there's one thing in particular PINs are resilient to which biometrics are not: the police in the US can force you to unlock your phone using your fingerprint. I'm not sure how this differs in the rest of the world, but it was regularly highlighted to me during yesterday's discussions. Now there are obvious privacy issues with this - big ones - but getting back to the personal threat actors issue, this is something the individual needs to think about and consider whether it's a significant enough risk to them to rule out biometrics. If you're an activist or political dissident or indeed an outright criminal, this may pose a problem. For everyone else, you're starting to approach infinitely small likelihoods. I heard an argument yesterday that, for example, a lady who was filming a bloke being shot by the police could have then been forced to unlock her phone by fingerprint so the cops can erase the evidence. But think this through for a moment...

So the risk here is being shot while recording it to local storage then cops unlocking phone with biometrics and illegally erasing evidence?

— Troy Hunt (@troyhunt) September 12, 2017

There will always be attack vectors like this. Always. The question someone has to ask when choosing between biometrics or PIN is how threatened they personally feel by these situations. And then they make their own security decision of their own free volition.

Let's move onto the biometric alternatives.

Touch ID

Given we've now had 4 years of Touch ID (and of course many more years of fingerprint auth in general), we've got a pretty good sense the threat landscape. Even 15 years ago, researchers were circumventing biometric logins. In that particular case, the guy simply lifted a fingerprint from a glass then enhanced it with a cyanoacrylate adhesive, photographed it, took it into Photoshop and cleaned up the picture, printed it onto a transparency sheet, grabbed a photo-sensitive printed circuit board then etched the printed fingerprint from the transparency sheet into the copper on the board before moulding a gelatine finger onto it hence inheriting the fingerprint. Easy!

There have many other examples of auth bypass since that time, including against Apple's Touch ID and indeed some of them have been simpler too. Like PINs, it's not foolproof and what people are doing is trading various security and usability attributes between the PIN and biometric options. A PIN has to be known to unlock the device whilst a fingerprint could be forged, but then a PIN may have been observed or readily guessed (and certainly there are brute force protections to limit this) whilst biometric login can be used in plain sight. They're differently secure and they protect from different threat actors. It's extremely unlikely that the guy who steals your phone off a bar is going to be able to do this, much more likely that a nation state actor that sees a high value in a target's phone will.

One of the arguments I heard against Touch ID yesterday is that an "attacker" could cause a sleeping or unconscious person to unlock their device by placing the owner's finger on the home button. I've quoted the word "attacker" because one such situation occurred last year when a six year old used her sleeping mother's fingerprint to buy $250 worth of Pokemon. Now I've got a 5-year-old and a 7-year-old so I reckon I'm qualified enough to make a few comments on the matter (plus the whole thing about me thinking a lot about security!)

Firstly, whilst the hacker inside of me is thinking "that kid is pretty smart", the parent inside of me is thinking "that kids needs a proverbial kick up the arse". There's nothing unusual about kids using parent's phones for all manner of things and we've probably all given an unlocked phone to one of our own children for them to play a game, watch a video or even just talk on the phone. Touch ID, PIN or nothing at all, if a kid abuses their parent's trust in this way then there's a very different discussion to be had than the one about how sophisticated a threat actor needs to be in order to circumvent it.

Be that as it may, there are certainly circumstances where biometric login poses a risk that PINs don't and the unconscious one is a perfect example. Now in my own personal threat model, being unconscious whilst someone steals my phone and forces me to unlock it is not exactly high up on the list of things that keep me awake at night. But if I was a binge drinker and prone to the odd bender, Touch ID may simply not be a good model for me. Then again, if the victim is getting paralytic drunk and the attacker wants access to an unlocked phone then there are many other simple social engineering tricks to make that happen. In fact, in the attacker's world, the victim having a PIN may well be preferable because it could be observed on unlock and then used to modify security settings that are otherwise unavailable with mere access to fingerprints.

One of the neat features coming in iOS 11 when it hits next week is the ability to rapidly disable Touch ID:

Tap the phone's home button five times, and it will launch a new lockscreen with options to make an emergency call or offer up the owner's emergency medical information. But that S.O.S. mode also silently disables TouchID, requiring a passcode to unlock the phone. That feature could be used to prevent someone from using the owner's finger to unlock their phone while they're sleeping or otherwise incapacitated, for instance.

What this means is that were you find yourself in a higher risk situation with only Touch ID enabled (i.e. you've been pulled over by the police and are concerned about them compelling you to biometrically unlock your phone), there's a speedy option to disable it. But that's obviously no good if you don't have time to enable it so if you're going to hold up a liquor store and it's possible the cops may come bursting in at any time, it could be tough luck (also, don't hold up liquor stores!)

Another new feature helps further strengthen the security model:

in iOS 11, iPhones will not only require a tap to trust a new computer, but the phone's passcode, too. That means even if forensic analysts do seize a phone while it's unlocked or use its owner's finger to unlock it, they still need a passcode to offload its data to a program where it can be analyzed wholesale.

I particularly like this because it adds protection to all unlocked devices where the PIN is not known. If you're compelled to biometrically unlock the device, that won't allow the data to be siphoned off via tethering it. Yes, it could still be accessed directly on the device, but that's a damn sight better then unfettered direct access to storage.

So pros and cons and indeed that's the whole theme of this post. Let's move onto the new thing.

Face ID

I watched the keynote today and was obviously particularly interested in how Face ID was positioned so let me share the key bits here. Keep in mind that I obviously haven't played with this and will purely be going by Apple's own info here.

Firstly, this is not a case of "if the camera sees something that looks like the owner's face the device unlocks". Here's why:

Infrared camera + flood illuminator + proximity sensor + ambient light sensor + camera + dot projector = Face ID. Each of these plays a different role and you can see how, for example, something like infrared could be used to discern the difference between a human head and a photo.

In Apple's demo, they talk about the flood illuminator being used to detect the face (including in the dark):

This is followed up by the infrared camera taking an image:

The dot projector then pumps out 30k invisible dots:

The IR image and the dot pattern then get "pushed though neural networks to create a mathematical model of your face" which is then compared to the stored one created at setup. Now of course we don't know how much of this is fancy Apple speak versus reality and I'm very keen to see the phone get into the hands of creative security people, but you can't help but think that the breadth of sensors available for visual verification trumps those required for touch alone.

Apple is obviously conscious of comparisons between the two biometric implementations and they shared some stats on the likelihood of each returning a false positive. Firstly, Touch ID:

So what they're saying here is that you've got a 1 in 50k chance of someone else's print unlocking your phone. From a pure chance perspective, those are pretty good odds but I'm not sure that's the best metric to use (more on that in a moment).

Here's how Face ID compares:

One in a million. There's literally a saying that's "one in a million" which symbolises the extremely remote likelihood of something happening! The 20x figure over Touch ID is significant but it doesn't seem like the right number to be focusing on. The right number would be the one that illustrates not the likelihood of random people gaining access, but rather the likelihood of an adversary tricking the biometrics via artificial means such as the gummi bears and PCBs. But that's not the sort of thing we're going to know until people start attempting just that.

Be that as it may, Apple claim that Face ID is resilient to both photos and masks:

And with all those sensors, it's certainly believable that there's enough inputs to discern with a high degree of confidence what is a legitimate face versus a fake one. Having said that, even Apple themselves acknowledged that certain threats remain:

Laughs were had, jokes were made but the underlying message was that Face ID isn't foolproof. Just like Touch ID. And PINs.

Thinking back to Touch ID for a moment, one of the risk flagged there was a kid holding a sleeping adult's finger on the sensor or indeed someone doing the same with an unconscious iPhone owner. Face ID seems to solve this problem:

If your eyes are closed or you're looking away, it's not going to unlock

Which makes a lot of sense - given the processing power to actually observe and interpret eye movements in the split second within which you expect this to work, this would be a really neat failsafe. Apple highlights this as "attention awareness" when they wrap up the Face ID portion of the presentation:

Moving on to something different, when I shared 99.x% tweet earlier on, a thread emerged about abusive spouses. Now if I'm honest, I didn't see that angle coming and it made me curious - what is the angle? I mean how does Face ID pose a greater threat to victims of domestic violence than the previous auth models? There's the risk of being physically compelled to unlock the phone, but of course Touch ID poses the same risk. One would also imagine that in such a situation, an abusive husband may demand a PIN in the same intimidating fashion in which they demand a finger is placed on the sensor or the front facing camera is pointed at the face (and appropriate eye movement is made). It's hard to imagine there are many legitimate scenarios where an iPhone X is present, is only using Face ID, the owner is an abused woman and the man is able to compel her to unlock the device in a way that wasn't previously possible. The only tangible thing I could take away from that conversation is that many people won't understand the respective strengths and weaknesses of each authentication method which, of course, is true for anyone regardless of their relationship status. (Folks who understand both domestic violence and the role of technology in that environment, do please comment if I'm missing something.)

The broader issue here is trusting those you surround yourself with in the home. In the same way that I trust my kids and my wife not to hold my finger to my phone while I'm sleeping, I trust them not to abuse my PC if I walk away from it whilst unlocked and yes, one would reasonably expect to be able to do that in their own home. The PC sits there next to my wallet with cash in it and the keys to the cars parked out the front. When you can no longer trust those in your immediate vicinity within the sanctity of your own home, you have a much bigger set of problems:

My ex broke into my phone by holding it against me while asleep She also broke a table over my head so I'm not sure I'm disproving Troy https://t.co/RELrlLozhN

— Alexander Payne (@myrrlyn) September 12, 2017

Having absorbed all the info and given Face ID some deeper thought, I stand by that 99.x% tweet until proven wrong. I just can't make good, rational arguments against it without letting go of the pragmatism which acknowledges all the factors I've mentioned above.

Summary

What we have to keep in mind here is just how low the security bar is still set for so many people. Probably not for you being someone interested in reading this sort of material in the first place, but for the billions of "normals" out there now using mobile devices. Touch ID and Face ID as so frictionless that they remove the usability barrier PINs post. There's a good reason Apple consistently shows biometric authentication in all their demos - because it's just such a slick experience.

The majority of negative commentary I'm seeing about Face ID in particular amounts to "facial recognition is bad" and that's it. Some of those responses seem to be based on the assumption that it introduces a privacy risk in the same way as facial tracking in, say, the local supermarket would. But that's not the case here; the data is stored in the iPhone's secure enclave and never leaves the device:

More than anything though, we need to remember that Face ID introduces another security model with its own upsides and downsides on both security and usability. It's not "less secure than a PIN", it's differently secure and the trick now is in individuals choosing the auth model that's right for them.

I'll order an iPhone X when they hit the store next month and I'll be giving Face ID a red hot go. I'll also be watching closely as smart security folks around the world try to break it :)

Edit: TechCrunch has published a great interview with Craig Federighi that answers many of the questions that have been raised in this blog post and in the subsequent comments. Highly recommended reading!

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