#九: mourner

[kazeshinigami]

Leans into Kensei's shoulder and plants a little kiss just above his ear. ( @txchikaze )

#txchikaze #九: mourner #☯. kensei #☯: only honest when it rains #[[ gotta start up again somewhere :D ]]

[kazeshinigami]

"Got you somethin'." It had been Rose's idea. It embarrassed Kensei to get it, but he knew it'd probably make Shuuhei happy. And besides.. it wasn't so bad. He actually.. Kind of liked the look of it. The gift in question was a choker. More like a collar, really. It was soft, black leather, but the front looked a bit like a dog chain, and the ring that was attached to that chain.. if you pulled it, the collar pulled tighter. Shuuhei had certainly shown an interest in that kind of thing. He liked it when Kensei put his hand around his throat, after all. Plus, he wore a choker pretty much every day of his life, a life-threatening one at that, considering its explosive abilities. This.. was different, not an everyday accessory, but it'd probably suit the brunet just as well.

The gift was not wrapped, but the collar came in a small, square box. A matte black with elegant kanji embossed in silver on the top, declaring the shop's name 'The Leather Club'. Apparently, a favourite of Rose's. He was a Platinum member and could easily get him discounts, he'd boasted. Not that Kensei thought he ever needed to visit there again.

"I'll return it.. if its not.. yanno-" he gestured vaguely "--right. 'r not your thing, or somethin'.."

Color Shuuhei curious, at the least, when Kensei presents him with the box. Usually Kensei's gifts are some variety of food (not that Shuuhei is complaining about how much better he has been eating since becoming his captain's lover), so a deviation from that pattern makes the act all the more special, in Shuuhei's mind.

When he opens it and realizes what the contents are, he grins. He can guess that Rose may have had a hand in this, but that doesn't detract from the fact that Kensei had purchased this choker for Shuuhei. Had probably already pictured in his mind how Shuuhei would look in it, which widens Shuuhei's grin all the more.

At Kensei's uncertainty (which is just a bit cute, given the circumstances), Shuuhei immediately looks up at him to settle the matter. "Kensei-san, this is very much my thing. I love it." To reinforce this, he carefully removes his usual choker and replaces it with the gift. He feels giddy already at the thought of Kensei slipping a finger through the ring and pulling it tighter around his neck. He might send Kensei a look inviting him to do just that.

"So, how do I look?"

#九: mourner #txchikaze #☯. kensei #☯: only honest when it rains #[[ im love them ]]

[kazeshinigami]

He isn't very good at buying people gifts, and soul King knows he doesn't show his affection that readily either. But.. today is special. Kensei himself may not be so inclined to celebrate (and shuuhei had been wonderfully respectful of that) but that does not mean that his partner doesn't deserve star treatment on his birthday. The day seems to start like any other. Kensei is out of bed before shuuhei is, and does not wake him, letting the 4th's sleeping aid do its job. He sticks to his regular routine at first; works out and showers. And then makes them breakfast. A bit more elaborate than he usually would, and once he's fixed their bentos for lunch, he brings the rest of the meal over on a tray to the bed. You might almost call it romantic when he kisses shuuhei's cheek, and then, when he doesn't immediately wake, presses another kiss just beneath his ear. "Y'dont wanna have to rush in your birthday, do you?" He warns, slightly bemused. "Time to wake up," a last lingering kiss to shuuheis crown as he slides the tray with food into his lap "--and happy birthday." //We're pretending this is on time hah

Being kissed awake by Kensei has got to score pretty highly on Shuuhei's list of treasured moments. Granted, Shuuhei had not been one hundred percent asleep by the time Kensei had brought the breakfast tray, but he still puts in a good deal of drowsy mumblings before he manages to respond coherently to Kensei's recommendation that he wake up. "Mmkay, I'm up."

Careful not to jostle the tray now on his lap, Shuuhei pushes himself up to a seated posture. Every meal Kensei makes him is tasty, but Shuuhei picks up on the extra work put into making this a celebratory breakfast.

When it comes to Shuuhei, perhaps it really is something to celebrate that he's made it through another year. Shuuhei certainly thinks he wouldn't be doing as well as he is without Kensei's leading and support. He's either beyond lucky, or the universe has finally decided to cut him a break. He smiles and sneaks in a kiss of his own to his beloved captain's cheek.

"Thank you, Kensei-san. For everything." And then he tucks in to his food.

#txchikaze #☯: only honest when it rains #☯. kensei #九. asks #九: mourner #[[ we're both pretending this is on time for shuub's 8.14 bday ]]

[kazeshinigami]

“ i’m not afraid to die, just wish i could live a little first. ”

"I know yer head's in all that paperwork, but-" Renji lay on the floor of the nineth's office, staring blankly at the ceiling. He could always count on his comrade to be awake when insomnia struck late into the night. He sighed deeply as the sounds of shuffling papers above his head persisted. "I'll bet yer not even hearing a word I say down here."

Hazel's closed behind heavy lids. Why am I here?

Honesty.

Hisagi was a valued friend, and he deserved the redhead's honesty. They had fought battles greater than themselves time and time again, shoulder against shoulder. Both warriors, bonded by the traumas of wars. What is it you're trying to say, Abarai?

“I’m not afraid ta die, just wish i could live a little first I s'pose.” he murmured softly, the thin truth hidden beyond the vagueness of his spoken word.

misc prompts for your feels

It's half-true: Shuuhei is hearing Abarai speak, but his processing of what Abarai is actually saying is on a delay. This isn't the first time Abarai has flopped on his office floor (which seems just dramatic at some level — they have seat cushions in the cabinet that he could pull out!), and it likely won't be the last. As lieutenants with shared history, Shuuhei doesn't mind providing some support, even if only with his physical proximity.

Abarai murmurs something Shuuhei doesn't hear, but ironically that sound draws his more direct attention. From what Shuuhei can discern nonverbally, Abarai's tiredness isn't so much about his body as it is about his heart. It gets to everyone eventually, he supposes: the never-ending task of overseeing the scales of the three worlds.

"Maybe you should request some leave time," he therefore comments. A warrior who doesn't have his head on straight will only end up getting himself killed all the sooner.

#九: mourner #九. asks #srrenjiabarai #[[ ty for sending! ]] #九. paperwork

[kazeshinigami]

makin’ his way

#九: mourner #九. crack #[[ he looks like he's naruto running in this icon ha ha ]]

[kazeshinigami]

💧

send 💧 to catch my muse crying

Hearing movement, Shuuhei immediately starts wiping his face on the heels of his hands. Looking up to see who has happened upon him, he flinches. One of Muguruma Kensei's compatriots, and one of the meaner-looking ones, at that. It seems wholly possible that she might tell Muguruma that the scrawny guy trying to keep Ninth Division afloat is a pathetic baby.

Avoiding eye-contact, Shuuhei tries to gather himself, though sniffling does nothing for his cause.

#viciousvizard #九. asks #九: mourner #[[ an early on interaction mb? ]] #九. paperwork

[kazeshinigami]

❛❛ I’m never leaving this blanket nest ever again. ❜❜

soft caring sentence compilation

Shuuhei will admit that it does look very comfortable. Still, taking the expressed sentiment to an extreme for the sake of humor is a low-hanging branch, and Shuuhei plucks it. “If you say so, Ranta-san, but I think that will eventually cause you some problems. Like… work attendance, for example?”

#九. asks #codenamefreya #九: mourner #[[ he's trying for some banter ig ]] #九. paperwork

[kazeshinigami]

assume that he baked, decorated, and bagged sugar cookies to hand out to people this time of year. they might look rather run-of-the-mill, but they should at least taste good.

#九: mourner #[[ happy holidays peeps! ]]

[kazeshinigami]

Well… looks like this is going to be one of those days where he just wants to disappear.

#九: mourner #depression cw #deathwish cw #[[ my son has a rough go of it in so many verses :'( ]]

[kazeshinigami]

"Good.. Good." He mutters against Shuuhei's lips, feeling every bit of tension release from his body. The relief he feels is incomparable to anything he's felt before in his life. Or at least in the moment he cannot fathom ever feeling so good about a decision before. With that release come only a few tears, but roll down his cheeks they do, weighing too heavy on his lashes and escaping their grip. He doesn't even care.

"'m flying blind too." Shuuhei wants his guidance, but he isn't sure he can give it now. Not on this. "We'll figure it out.." Together. He doesn't care about this vulnerability in front of Shuuhei; doesn't care about the unlocked door; or even his family's opinion of him. All he cares about is those three words repeated so often he has to believe them. When was the last time someone had told him that, unironically? Perhaps Rose, in one of his affectionate moods. But that love was vastly different, however much appreciated. Before that... Maybe his mother. He misses her in this moment. She'll never meet Shuuhei. His grandparents had never spoken those words to him. They don't even deserve to know him, though Kensei is sure they will paint him as the villain; the queer seducer that had made him forget and forego his duty. But at least Shuuhei loves all parts of him, even the ones his family thinks are unacceptable. Even if he's hurt him before. That love, at least, is not conditional.

And Kensei realizes that the same goes for how he feels for Shuuhei. And I've never said it either. Like with his grandfather, those words get stuck in his throat. He takes a deep breath and fights against the instinct to keep it all in until he might burst.

He keeps his eyes closed, still. "Me too.." He can't help laughing; the ridiculousness of it all apparent to him. The elation of how terribly off-kilter he is with the Muguruma Kensei he had always been meant to be; yet how happy he is about it. "--I love you, too."

If Shuuhei feels those never-before-witnessed tears slip away from Kensei’s restraint, he doesn’t comment on them. He can only imagine how difficult the prospect of this choice has been. Though Shuuhei has never lived under a roof with a family here in Soul Society, he can at least transpose what it is to crave having a place to belong. Tousen had been that for him. In that sense, Shuuhei has already lost his family. All he has left is… well, Kensei. And though the place to belong is different in kind, Shuuhei knows this is his last bastion against utmost despair.

He doesn’t begrudge Kensei the admittance that he doesn’t have the answers here, either. Part of taking this relationship of theirs seriously is tackling problems together, right? To demonstrate his acceptance of this — of Kensei, in spite of any vulnerability which may be making him feel flayed alive — Shuuhei wraps his arms around this man he loves and kisses his cheek where one tear had made its escape.

It’s about then that Kensei says it. Reciprocation without veil. Shuuhei squeezes the hug more tightly, though that is nothing compared to how the fullness in his heart is fit to burst. He knows that love is not the magic cure to all problems as it is in fairy tales and the like, but still! It gives him evidence to shove in the face of his persistent doubts. Kensei loves him. It’s been said out loud. It’s fact now.

With the gratitude of a man who has just been rescued from drowning, Shuuhei’s voice trembles as he breathes Kensei’s name (the honorific still absent) into his skin, like kissing every inch of him will not be enough.

#txchikaze #九: mourner #☯: only honest when it rains #☯. kensei #[[ alert the chantry! this needs to be put on the calendar :') ]] #homophobia cw ?

[kazeshinigami]

Hey, Hisagi-fukutaicho! Some of the other soul reapers are going out drinking to mourn our chances of getting into Abarai's pants. Wanna join us?

People around here will find any excuse to go out drinking, but Shuuhei nonetheless finds this particular reason especially one to gape at incredulously. But rather than rain on other people’s obliviously inconsiderate parade, he comes up with a sensible cover.

“I’ll have to pass. All of this gossip has people so distracted that the extra paperwork is piling up. Someone has to take care of it.”

#九. asks #九. anon #九: mourner #☯: only honest when it rains #monkifuraibo

[kazeshinigami]

He hates it. How shaky he feels; how utterly weak and vulnerable. Like his skin has been peeled back, every nerve exposed. Shuuhei need only touch him and he'll flinch. Even just the soft air moving as he speaks can hurt him. Let's pretend it's not the actual content of the words..

He blinks furiously to dispel the burning in his eyes. They keep stinging, but he manages to keep the tears from overflowing. Shuuhei's hand is warm and weighted against the back of his neck. kensei focuses on that. His presence is always good. A solid, dependable thing. He doesn't want him to leave; not his division, certainly, but also not as his partner. 'There are others that carry the Kuchiki blood' he remembers Kuchiki Byakuya saying. There are others that carry Muguruma blood, too. It doesn't have to be him.

It isn't fair. Shuuhei is right. Ah.. And now he cries. Kensei uses his free hand to cup Shuuhei's cheek and wipe the tears away across the copy of his own tattoo. He hears him. Really listens to him for once. He cannot fathom how, even now, Shuuhei is always putting him first and talking over his own needs. Though, Kensei notes, with a swell of pride, he's at least spoken of his own desires and conditions. Shuuhei seems.. Braver now. Maybe because he changed, maybe because they both did over the course of this.. But its good. It means Kensei is sure, at least, that if he gives up what he's always known, Shuuhei will be there. Wants to be there. He won't end up with nothing in the end, because Shuuhei loves him.

"I don't want to marry someone else." He breathes, not needing to speak much above a whisper with how close they have gotten to one another. Not close enough, he thinks, and shifts his grip on Shuuhei's wrist to his other, wet cheek, making sure he is seeing him as he speaks. "I want you." He reiterates. "They can take it or leave it." His family, that is. They may disown him, and that, admittedly, scares him. To delve into a dark unknown. But if Shuuhei is there.. If the visored are.. Then it may not be so bad.

It feels like there is a tremor in his body, but it's imperceptible. Beneath the skin. A bubbling of blood, or reiatsu. Whatever it is, it propels him forward, pushes him to capture Shuuhei's lips with his own. "Don't leave," he mutters breathlessly against Shuuhei's lips as they break apart. He doesn't open his eyes just yet, for fear the built up moisture spills off his lashes. His forehead brushes side to side against Shuuhei's as he softly shakes his head "We'll be together. I promise.."

Shuuhei’s eyes vacillate between each of Kensei’s as the distance between them shrinks. Kensei’s hands are weathered, and the callouses catch momentarily on the ridges of Shuuhei’s scars when intercepting his tear, but that rough texture has become so familiar — that touch so much a symbol of safety — that Shuuhei thinks only of the gentleness with which Kensei cradles his face.

When Kensei bolsters his position with repetition, Shuuhei’s breath quavers. He’s wanted. (He’s loved.) He nods in agreement, his voice too clammed up with emotion at that moment to express much. He sees Kensei’s kiss coming and welcomes it, his hand at the back of Kensei’s head pulling him in even.

“I won’t leave,” he consoles. This close, their noses are pressed against each other, and yet Shuuhei yearns to be closer still. “I’m… terrified, but… I’ll stay.” A quick kiss to Kensei’s upper lip. “I love you. So I’ll stay.” The same to the lower lip. “At this point, losing you would kill me. So I’ll stay. I’ll… keep trying, best as I can. Because I love you.”

Now that he’s gone and said it once, and that once has been accepted, he doesn’t have the self-restraint to keep from saying it more. “I love you, Kensei. I still don’t know what to do, but… I’ll follow your lead.”

#txchikaze #九: mourner #☯: only honest when it rains #☯. kensei

[kazeshinigami]

Hisagi-fukutaichou, are you saying anyone?

To think a yet more taxing question could appear atop the growing pile. How to answer without leaving any inaccurate openings…

“I’ve seen plenty of people over the last several decades, on and off. But, at the moment, I’m not interested in putting myself out there.”

#九. asks #九. anon #九: mourner #[[ i assume this is meant to say ''seeing anyone''? ]] #[[ at least that's how i answered it ]] #[[ he tried to give a truthful answer while being discreet ]] #☯: only honest when it rains

[kazeshinigami]

@kazeshinigami //rainy-day, idle musings

The morning had only looked ominous when the Lieutenant had first awoken, the sky too dark for the hour with deep gray, looming clouds and by the time he had finished readying for a meeting with the tenth, it looked as though the weather might even turn for the better, however, as Renji bid Captain Hitsugaya farewell, fat drops of rain had begun to pelt down from above in a torrential downpour.

Shit.

It wasn’t that he disliked days like today, but he certainly preferred them when he had a hot drink in his hands and didn’t have to trek halfway across the Seireitei to get back to his own barracks. That was how Renji found himself seeking refuge in one of the ninth’s supply rooms, shihakusho clinging to his body, hair drooping under its sodden weight and rapidly stripping his shoulders free of the cold fabric. However, he did not account for the potential of somebody walking in on his half naked visage and could only offer a half-hearted chuckle of mild embarrassment.

“Care to join me, or~”

“I… uh…”

He doesn’t have the presence of mind to start by asking what turn of events had led to Renji’s being thus disrobed on Ninth Division premises. With the weather being what it is, he hardly needs to ask. But it probably does Shuuhei no good that he gapes a little too long before recovering to any course of action.

“I’ll… bring you some dry clothes.” Good job, Hisagi. Very practical. With that, he awkwardly about-faces and goes in search of such a solution to this dilemma.

#九. asks #srrenjiabarai #九: mourner

[kazeshinigami]

"Shuuhei-- They must speak. He'd rather not, but there is no going around it, and Shuuhei's mood, since the news broke, is plenty an indicator that Kensei cannot get by on simply pretending this issue did not exist. What was more... There are external forces at work that would tear them apart, even if they do not know of them. His family is convinced he is in need of a wife, and is looking fervently.

"In here," He indicates an empty briefingroom. There is no time to wait on this conversation, so they might as well have it here. He locks the door behind them. "I assume you've heard about Kuchiki-taichou and Abarai-fukutaichou."

The moment he’s dreaded has come at last. He doesn’t resist Kensei’s herding him into a side room so that they can speak in urgent private. Already Shuuhei feels his throat closing up with anxious resignation. So much so that he has to swallow twice before he can manage a response to Kensei’s correct assumption.

“I have heard.” He makes no attempt to say more, waiting for Kensei to set the tone of how he should express (or not) his feelings on the matter.

#九. asks #九: mourner #txchikaze #☯: only honest when it rains #[[ insert haha i'm in danger meme ]] #☯. kensei

[kazeshinigami]

Good sir ! You are so handsome !! i see you and I just go 'man, that is one handsome man !!!'

“…Eh?” He points at himself, mystified. Handsome is not a word he normally attributes to himself, so to hear it from a stranger’s mouth is… Is this a joke somehow? A prank? Is another person hiding with a camera to capture the moment he falls for the idea that someone finds him admirable?

When a number of seconds pass without the compliment being taken back, Shuuhei realizes he might now seem rather rude. “Ah, um… th-thank you. For, um… that is… I am flattered by your praise.” And now he wishes to run away full-speed.

#九. asks #九. anon #九: mourner #[[ ty for the kind words anon! i'm sorry he is an idiot abt accepting them ]]